CHAPTER 38
The next few weeks flew by for Finn. His life was so busy - there was practically no time to relax. Between daily football practises, Glee rehearsals, and keeping up a relationship with Bella and a friendship with his friends, he felt like he hadn't slept in years. He had Rachel and Mr. Schue on his ass about the upcoming Sectionals, and Coach Beiste about the approaching football games. They were on an undefeated 3-0 streak, and the football team were determined to keep that up. Finn's exhaustion was starting to show though.
It was a Glee rehearsal in mid October, and Sectionals were in a couple of weeks. Finn could faintly hear Rachel and Mercedes arguing, and he tried to listen to what they were saying, but his body was fighting against him. As soon as Finn blinked, his didn't open again, and he silently fell asleep. He was roughly awakened when George nudged his shoulder. Finn blinked a couple of times and took in his surroundings. An argument clearly was going on. Mercedes, Santana, Quinn Bella, Puck and Artie were on one side, and Rachel was on the other. The rest of the group seemed to be in the neutral zone, in the middle.
"Sorry. What's going on?" Finn asked, stupidly. Mr. Schue looked at him.
"Finn, are you OK?" He asked, concerned. "It's not like you to fall asleep in the middle of rehearsal. And you look pretty tired."
Finn rubbed his eyes.
"Sorry. Lot on my plate right now. What's going on?" Finn asked again.
"Well…" Rachel said, glaring at the rest of the group. "I just told Mr. Schue that while Journey is a wonderful choice for Sectionals, we need to choose an artist that can really show the audience my voice's full potential and talent. You and I should do a romantic duet. Remember Regionals last year? We have amazing musical chemistry so…"
"Let me get this straight, Rachel…" Bella said, staring down Rachel. "You want to sing a romantic duet with MY boyfriend?"
"And by the way," Quinn said, standing next to Bella. "How are you so sure that you and Finn are going to get the leads? Have you ever thought that maybe one of us would like to sing a solo or duet? You can't sing them all."
Finn watched as the rest of the Glee club murmured, and nodded their heads, agreeing to everything that Quinn had just said. Rachel's face flushed, her mouth slightly opened, and then her eyes rolled.
"Yes, I agree that I do get a lot of the solos and duets, but that's because my voice is the greatest and my voice has had the most training. Mr. Schue, if Finn and I have performed the most duets on stage at the competitions, shouldn't we just go with that? We have the most experience on that stage, and to be honest if I may, everyone else's voices are a little…" Rachel cleared her throat, shooting a look at Quinn, before finishing her sentence. "Weak."
Everyone erupted in argument, and Finn sighed and closed his eyes once again. He only nodded off for a couple of minutes, before Liam shook him.
"Dude, wake up." Liam said. Finn yawned and looked around. Everyone was looking at him.
"What did I miss?" He asked. Mr. Schue looked at him sympathetically.
"I was asking you what you wanted to do for Sectionals."
"Um…" Finn said, looking around the room. "Mr. Schue, and I say this in the nicest way possible. PLEASE don't make me solo for Sectionals! I've got a lot on my mind right now, and the last thing I need is added responsibility. And Rachel, with all due respect, let someone else solo for once. You always insist on soloing, but there's so much talent in this room, and it would be a shame if they didn't get a chance to shine as well."
Rachel scowled at him, but everyone else smiled.
"Come on, Finn! Get your head out of your ass! I'm the best singer in the Glee club! Of course I'm going to solo a lot! And you have tonnes of free time. You're always chatting to random people in the hallways."
"You mean socialising?" Finn remarked, laughing. "Yeah, that's how you make friends, Rachel, in case you didn't know. And by the way, you're not the best singer in the Glee club. The reason you get the solos is that nobody else wants to be in the same room as you long enough to deal with your massive ego."
Everyone gasped and was rendered silent by Finn's sudden outburst. Finn normally avoided conflict at all costs, but this time, he wasn't holding anything back.
"Excuse me?" Rachel stammered, just as shocked at everyone else.
"You're not the best singer in the Glee club." Finn said again. "And I'm not the only one who thinks so. Remember last year, during the Glee competition, who won? That's right, me! Not you."
"Finn's right. He's a better singer than you. And I don't even mind if he solos for Sectionals." Quinn said. Everyone nodded in agreement.
"All right. So, is everyone OK with Finn soloing for Sectionals?" Mr. Schue said, trying to end the argument as soon as possible.
"NO! I'm not!" Finn exclaimed. "I don't want to solo for Sectionals. I'm already stretched way too thin as it is. Give the leads to someone else. Please, Mr. Schue. I'm begging you."
Mr. Schue nodded, studying everyone's faces. He clapped his hands together.
"All right. I think we've all decided that Finn and Rachel are taking a break for Sectionals, and somebody should take their place. I'll have a decision on who gets the leads by next class."
Finn breathed a sigh of relief, avoiding Rachel's glares. Suddenly, someone whispered into his ear. It was George.
"Dude. Come with me. Now." He said, simply. Finn nodded and followed the brunette out the room. They walked out of the school gates, where they were joined by Harry and Liam. They sat down on a bench on the edge of the campus.
"Finn, what's going on?" Liam asked, straight up. Finn raised an eyebrow.
"Huh?" He asked, confused.
"You're exhausted. You're clearly sleep deprived." Harry pointed out. Finn shrugged.
"What can I say? Between academic work, football practise, football tactics meetings with Beiste, Glee rehearsals, dating Bella, and socialising with my friends, I don't have much down time."
George rolled his eyes.
"Come on. Cut the crap, Finn! We know you better than that. There's something else bothering you." George said. "And you live at my house. You go to sleep at like midnight every night, so you should technically be getting like 7 hours of sleep every night. But you're not sleeping, are you?"
Finn sighed and shook his head. He put his head in his hands.
"OK, fine. No, I haven't been sleeping. I've been thinking a lot about Carole lately. How I don't even know why she died. For all I know, it could have been premeditated."
George looked at him, confused.
"Who would want to hurt Carole. She was like the kindest woman in the world!"
"I don't know. Maybe someone I ran away from when I was seven. Someone who's mentally unstable, and extremely physically abusive. Someone who has killed people before in Afghanistan, and isn't a stranger to the experience."
"Your dad." George whispered. Finn nodded.
"Yeah. I know it's crazy, and it's probably not true, but I can't help but think you know? I managed to put it out of my head when I was in Hawaii because I was alone, and nobody I cared about was in danger. But now, the people I love most are all near me, and quite frankly, that really scares me. Every night, I get scared that when I fall asleep, I'll wake up the next morning and someone I love is dead."
The three other boys were silent. Finn was clearly extremely scarred, and he buried so many issues deep down. It was only a matter of time before it all bubbled up and exploded.
"Finn, I think that's all in your head. You watched the police interrogate the murderer yourself." Liam said, softly. Finn nodded.
"I know. It's just, after everything that's happened, it's hard not to think."
George sighed.
"Finn, we say this purely because we love you like a brother: we think you need help. Like professional help. From a psychologist. These thoughts that you're having, they're not normal. I'm not a psychologist, but I think you might have anxiety and depression. Members of your family have already been diagnosed with PTSD and depression before, and it's pretty common for it to be passed down."
Finn laughed.
"I don't know, dude. I think you're the one reading too much into it."
"Am I?" George persisted. "Because you're showing symptoms. You're having feelings of helplessness and hopelessness; you're losing interest in activities such as football and Glee; you're not sleeping; you have less energy; you're having concentration problems. All of those are symptoms of depression."
Finn listened to him intently, and then shrugged. He knew that George was right.
"OK, fine. Maybe you're right. Maybe I have depression. But I don't need a random person I've never met before to analyse and judge me. I've been through therapy once before, and it didn't help."
George sighed. He knew Finn, and he knew that Finn was going to be stubborn.
"That's fine." Liam said. "I mean, it's not like anyone in your family became abusive due to lack of treatment of depression and PTSD issues, right?"
"That's different. He fought in Afghanistan. Of course he wasn't going to be OK. I'm different."
"Why? How?" Harry asked. "You've both had to deal with deaths of people you love, you've both been beaten to a pulp. The only difference is that he was in Asia when it happened, and you were in the States."
"You need help, Finn." George said again. "Look, we know we can't force you to do anything you don't want to do, but please, go at least once to therapy. You need to talk to someone. It's only going to get worse if you don't. And none of us would be able to handle it if you did something stupid to yourself…"
"Ah, Mr. Hudson, come on in."
Finn walked into the oddly comforting room. It contained a desk, and a couch. Finn was instructed to sit on the sofa. He thought about all of the other people who had sat on that very couch. They were probably all like him, crippled by depression, anxiety and other mental health issues that, if left untreated, could run rampant and run their lives. Finn's hands were shaking slightly. He was about to open up to someone he had never met before.
"So, Finn." The doctor said, smiling kindly at him. "Talk to me. What's going on?"
"Um… I… I suffer from depression. And it's something I have to live with, and it's becoming too much. I need your help, doctor."
Rest in Peace Naya Rivera. And of course, Cory Monteith
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