CONTENT WARNING: This chapter goes over a lot of discomfort to overcome trauma

Hiya! Chapter 25 is up!

I realized I missed Nalu Week since I'm not on Tumblr, but it's okay, since this is still going strong! I hope y'all are excited for this update!

Happy reading!

Natsu was out of it when he came back from his short shift, almost dragging his feet to the bathroom without noticing Lucy on the couch.

"Natsu?" she called out for him before he got in. He startled, his eyes shooting up to her.

"Oh, hey. I didn't see you," he greeted her, shifting toward the kitchen to grab some water. "I thought you were out with Levy."

"I was. Are you okay?"

"Am I that obvious?" he sighed, setting his glass down before moving to sit with her, flopping down on the couch

"Yeah. What's wrong?" He leaned his head over the back of the couch.

"I don't think I can take it," he finally whined.

"Take what? Natsu, you're worrying me." He finally straightened up to look at her, confused. "What happened?"

"Laki hired Cana," he groaned. "They've been on my case all morning." And Lucy couldn't help a laugh. "I wouldn't laugh if I were you," he warned. "They'll be after you too."

"I'm sorry," she apologized, stifling her giggles. "I thought you were fed up with me."

"Why would I ever be fed up with you?" he argued.

"Well, just the way you've been acting lately…" He cocked his head at her, confused. "Seriously? With rushing out of the room. I asked you many times what was wrong."

"It has nothing to do with you," he replied quickly, blushing slightly.

"Would it be easier if I slept in my room again for a while?" Lucy offered. She could see Natsu's expression become slightly mortified as he realized she had figured it out.

"I swear, Luce, this isn't about you being there. It's just…" He took his head between his hands, leaning forward. "It's embarrassing," he settled with. "I don't want to make it weird."

"You don't have to be embarrassed," she reassured him. "I get it. But if it'd be easier for you, I can go back in my room. Maybe I can see if I can sleep on my own again."

"But I…" Natsu started with what sounded like a protest. Lucy cocked a brow at him, and he looked down again. "It's up to you," he finally gave in.

"What were you gonna say?" she questioned.

"Just that I… I like it, when we sleep tog… err… in the same bed," he admitted, not quite looking at her.

"I like it too," Lucy confessed, feeling her cheeks heat up. "But I don't want to make it harder for you." Natsu embarrassed expression soon burst into a loud laugh that confused her. "What?"

"How does Juvia say? Phrasing?" he giggled. Lucy blushed dark. She had said 'harder' while talking about a boner problem, but Natsu's laugh was contagious and she soon was giggling with him. It took them longer than reasonable to settle down – mostly because Natsu couldn't stop laughing and Lucy couldn't calm down until he did. Anytime it felt like they caught a break, it only took one eye contact to send them off again.

"What are we, twelve?" Lucy giggled when she could breathe again.

"As long as we're having fun, who cares?" Natsu replied with a chuckle. "I should go have my shower now," he added, pushing himself off the couch.

Natsu was glad to go back to class the next day[JT1] , and Lucy was happy to accompany him. She was surprised to find that both Cana and Juvia had started attending classes, and Levy was there to watch. Gray was there too, though Wendy had mentioned it before. It didn't take five minutes for Gray and Natsu to start bickering and Erza quickly separated them.

Lucy noticed many members greeting Natsu back and he grinned and chatted with all of them, even showing the scar on his side to a few. At the end of the class, he argued with Erza about sparring until she said he could leave for two more weeks if he couldn't attend the lessons without sparring. Though he was thoroughly annoyed, he still went around, coaching a few people, separating some groups before they would collide.

"Hey, Natsu?" she asked as they were walking home. He glanced at her, showing he was listening. "I'd like to have your help with something."

"For sure! What do you need?"

"I'd like to… start to learn to be comfortable with proximity." He looked so confused she laughed. "I'd like to join the classes, but I don't want to freak out again."

"I could," he agreed hesitantly, "but wouldn't it be easier if Levy or Wendy helped you instead?"

"I trust you, Natsu. Not… Not that I don't trust them, but we live together. It'd be easier, no?"

"Whatever works for you, Luce. I'd love to help ya."

"Thanks."

But even as they got home, she wasn't sure how she wanted to go about it. Natsu moved the living room table under the TV and brought four pieces of the same mats Erza had in the club, laying them in a square the living room. Lucy went to change into workout clothes, feeling anxious. It was Natsu. She knew she didn't have to worry. But she couldn't help the racing of her heart.

"You sure about that?" Natsu asked, looking at her.

"Yeah," she replied, even if she wasn't.

"Alright, I'll have a quick shower first, you can start stretching." She nodded as he went to grab some clothes before locking himself in the bathroom. Lucy reproduced most of the same warm up routine she had observed so many times, finishing up as Natsu was coming out, dressed in a different set of workout clothes than his usual get up. "Are you ready?" he asked.

"Yeah," she nodded, feeling more confident this time. "Where should we start?" He sat on the other corner of the small mats, looking at her.

"Tell me about your last experience," he requested. So Lucy tried to recall as much of the one lesson she had had with her friends, and carefully went into the fear that had settled with her at the idea of being pinned down. Natsu listened closely – she didn't know she ever saw him this attentive before – his expression pensive.

"I guess it's just the being in a vulnerable position that freaks me out," she admitted. Natsu nodded seriously, then shifted to lay down on his back. Lucy noticed his legs were already up, the same way Wendy had told them to do it.

"Come up," he told her, and it took her a moment to process that he wanted her to straddle him. She had to step over his legs, awkwardly sitting over his hips. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea, but Natsu didn't seem to notice. He went about explaining her about the dynamics of this position and how it was essentially a vulnerable position. "What should your main focus be when you're there?" he asked her.

"Get out?" Lucy guessed.

"That would be the second. The first one is to breathe. If you panic, you won't be able to do anything. You're not completely helpless here. You still got your legs. You still got your arms. If you keep breathing, you can use them to stay safe." She nodded. It felt odd to look down on Natsu as he laid on his back. "First, you want to prevent them from moving up, because that would nullify your arms. So you want to keep your elbows on their legs, and your hands close to your face to defend against hits. And you want to keep your legs up so they can't sit on your thighs. You need your legs to get out. Doesn't matter how strong you are, upper body alone won't be enough here." Lucy nodded and Natsu showed her a few ways to make space for herself. "Do you want to try?" he asked.

"Yeah." She stepped over his legs to sit next to him. "Just… Gimme a minute." He rolled into a sitting position.

"Let me know when you're ready." She took a few deep breaths and nodded slowly, laying down on her back, bringing her legs up the same way Natsu had. He looked at her with a serious expression. "Just say the word if you want me to get off. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." She nodded and forced herself to breathe as Natsu sat on her hips. She had to put her hands on his legs almost immediately before he could stand up again.

"It's okay," she assured in a small voice. "I want to do this."

"I can't. You're shaking," Natsu argued.

"Please…" Natsu reluctantly nodded and pushed himself up a little bit to give her more room to breathe, keeping his knees next to her hips but his weight off of her. He could see her relax slightly.

"I hate seeing you like this," he admitted in a small voice. "I hate that I can't take your pain away." Lucy's expression softened. "I never want to make you uncomfortable, even if it's to help you…"

"I know," she replied softly, her voice no longer shaking but her breathing still shallow. "That's why I want to do this with you. I trust you." Even so, she found it hard to have him hover over her. He wasn't impatient. He held himself up for a while before she gave him the okay to lower himself again. He didn't complain about the sore muscles in his legs. Didn't complain about how long they just stayed like this. He kept his eyes to her face, making small talk about this and that to help her be at ease, watching for any sign that he should back off or stop talking. He could see that she was starting to relax. "Okay," she finally said. "Let's try it."

Natsu patiently helped her get into a proper posture, giving her warnings before he would move as not to startle her. He showed her how easy it was for her to hold him where he was, despite the fact that he was much stronger than her. Had her buck her hips to see how easy it was for her to throw him off balance, and how her legs gave her the strength to move him. He corrected her arms a few times, ensuring that she kept them near his legs and explaining how it would be bad for her if he rode up to her ribs. At her request, he moved up enough to show her how it nullified a lot of what she had been able to do so far and coaching her into regaining a safer distance from there. Once he felt like she was comfortable enough, he taught her how to get out – the same technique Erza and Wendy had been teaching when she had gone to the self-defence class.

It felt odd – and nice – to be this close to Natsu. To have him explain what she had to do and how to move. And it felt really good when she was able to flip him over. He explained to her that in sports, the next step would be to pin either the hips or the arms down, but that as far as self-defence went, she was in a good place to give a punch or elbow or maybe even a knee to the groin. "If it's for your safety, there's no such thing as playing dirty," he told her. "Then, you need to get up and get away as fast as you can. It's gonna hurt them, but they might still try to get back at you."

"What would you do?" she questioned him.

"Self-defence, I'd run," he replied honestly. "I'd run to the nearest public space or cause enough disruption to get the cops called on the spot."

"What if they're faster?" Natsu hesitated.

"Well, I'm a pretty good stand up fighter, so I'd get fighting, but…"

"I'm not a fighter," Lucy finished.

"Yeah… I'll ask Wendy what she'd do." She nodded.

"Thank you. I think I need a break."

"For sure." Natsu rolled backward from where he laid, offering her a hand to stand up.

"How do you even move like that?" she scoffed, taking it. He laughed.

"Jealous?"

"Envious, actually," she corrected with a playful smile.

"There's a difference?"

"Yeah. Envy is wanting something you don't have. Jealousy is wanting someone or the fear of losing them to someone else."

"You can't own people, so you can't want them or lose them," Natsu argued.

"Well, not literally, but if you loved someone and they were always spending time with someone else, you could become jealous."

"I guess?" he shrugged in a tone that said he wasn't convinced at all.

"Maybe you're just not the type," Lucy suggested.

"I wouldn't know," he admitted. "Whatcha wanna do now?"

"We could watch something?" she suggested.

"Sounds good to me!"

August went by in a blur. As it turned out, working with either Laki or Cana was fine, but the two of them together were definitely a force to reckon with. Natsu would go to his classes on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays and Lucy would accompany him. Almost every day, they had lessons together and Lucy slowly grew more comfortable with Natsu's proximity while they trained, and he remained careful not to push any boundaries and remained careful of Lucy's expressions and reactions.

By the time September rolled around, she found herself not minding him sitting on her hips when they trained and she had gotten pretty good at freeing herself – though she knew, from watching him train and spar, that he was letting her. They had found out that as long as Natsu wouldn't pin her arms, she was fine. She had agreed to it, so she could learn to free herself, but she had still freaked out, and Natsu had refused to do it again, even the next day when she suggested they eased into it. It had taken two more days before she coaxed him into returning to their regular training, and he had been even more careful to not put his weight on her and to keep away from her hands.

Yet[JT2] , despite how comfortable she had gotten with Natsu, Lucy couldn't help the anxiety that gripped her as she stood on the mats for her second attempt at a self-defence class. She hadn't told her friends she was going, and she felt relieved that none of them were there. As always, Wendy was there to assist Erza, and they both seemed really happy to see her join them once more.

"Lucy!" Erza greeted her. "I'm glad you could make it!"

"Thanks," Lucy said. "I… uh… I don't really know yet if I'm ready, but I'd like to give it a try."

"Of course. I have someone who would be perfect for you to train with," she added.

"But I don't know anyone except you and Wendy," Lucy argued.

"Sometimes, it's easier to train with someone you don't know. Oh, there she is. Virgo!"

A pink haired girl moved closer and Lucy tried to keep her expression neutral. "Yes, coach?" she inquired.

"I'd like you to meet Lucy. It's her second time coming to the self-defence class. Would you mind helping her through it?"

"It would be my pleasure," she nodded, looking at Lucy. "Pleased to meet you, Lucy. I'm Virginie, but I go by Virgo," she introduced herself.

"Nice to meet you, Virgo," Lucy replied, shaking her hand. They chose a spot to sit together and started stretching.

"So, Lucy," Virgo started, looking at her. "Do you have any injuries I should be aware of?"

"Oh, uh… No, thanks for asking. Do you?"

"I rolled my ankle last month," Virgo replied, stretching her left leg out. "It's good now, but it's still sensitive."

"I'll be careful," Lucy assured her.

"Thank you. Is there anything you would like me to be mindful of while we train?" Lucy instantly understood why Erza had paired them together. Virgo seemed really thoughtful and eager to keep her feeling safe.

"Uh…" Could she really open up to a stranger? "Yeah, actually." Virgo tilted her head, studying her with her big blue eyes. "I uh… Last time I came here, I freaked out," Lucy admitted. "I've been working on being more comfortable with people being in my space, but it still makes me nervous."

"Any specific triggers I should avoid?" Lucy eased up a little bit. There was no judgement in Virgo's words, and she didn't dismiss her or didn't play it down.

"Getting my arms pinned is a no-go," Lucy told her. "My friend helped me get use to have someone sitting on my hips, but I don't know how comfortable I'll be with you, since I don't really know you."

"I understand," Virgo replied. "I'll do my best to keep you feeling safe." She studied her for a moment. "Spica," she declared, and Lucy frowned. "If you feel uncomfortable, just say Spica. I'll back off." Lucy made a pause. Was she just assigned… a safe word? "Of course, if you say 'stop' or anything of the sort, it works too," Virgo added as an after-thought.

"Everybody, circle up!" Erza called.

"Thank you," Lucy told Virgo, grouping with everyone else for some class-specific warmups.

The class went well, Lucy thought. Wendy had gained in confidence since the last time Lucy had been there, and Virgo had turned out to be a great partner, though no part of the lessons involved sitting on someone's hips or pinning arms down. Even if it was a defense against strangulation, Virgo kept her hands closer to Lucy's collar bone than her throat, though she insisted that she didn't need the favour returned. Lucy was still careful not to actually strangle her.

After class, Lucy thanked her warmly for her help and her thoughtfulness and they added each other on Facebook before heading to the change room. Natsu was talking with Erza when they came out. He grinned at her as soon as he saw her.

"Hey, Virgo, long time no see!"

"Hello, Natsu," she greeted him. "Long time indeed. Are you better now?"

"Yeah, I came back just after you left. How's the ankle?"

"Better now, thank you. How's your side?"

"All good now!" he grinned, patting the scar through his shirt. "We'll catch up Monday, Lucy and I got work in two hours."

"See you two on Monday, then," she nodded. Lucy heard her ask Erza if she could help her with cleaning as they left.

I thought of having Natsu reacting a bit more to Lucy's workout gear, but she was so nervous he didn't even notice. I think the whole scene was pretty sweet. I train in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and keeping our partner's safe is drilled into us every class, and I can't imagine Erza would teach any differently. And at this point, knowing what she's been through, Natsu would be extra careful. And enters Virgo! What did you think of her? With the assignment of a safe-word, it's pretty easy to guess that this Virgo is also into BDSM, where keeping your partner safe is also huge. Makes for a great partner. I'm sure she loves getting choked a little too much lol.
And please do keep in mind, even though Natsu says it's not because of her, we all know that he may be in denial and Lucy being around definitely doesn't make it any easier lol.
So this is officially the middle of this 50 chapter story! Is there any generic reviews so far? Any thoughts, any hopes? As you may have gathered already, I am pretty far ahead in the writing, but I can still make some changes if you have suggestions that I can weave in!
We're almost at 100 followers, it's so exciting! When we hit it, I may post a chapter a day just for fun, who knows ;) 50 Favourites, 70 Reviews. Honestly, you guys are awesome! I've had a lot of fun with this story and didn't consider publishing until like twenty chapters in. Then I started and it was hard since I didn't get any reviews until my 6th chapter, and now I can definitely recognize my reviewers. So whether you read, follow, fave or review, I just want to thank you all so much for being here and putting up with the story. It's a slow burn and quite a ride, but I love where it's headed, and I hope you're loving it too. I'll be looking forward to see you all on Thursday!

Artemis Kross: Thank you for being here!

SummeryNights: Aren't they so adorable together? They're precious.

Valerioux: We all know Natsu doesn't think (lol) Poor Natsu is still a bit dense

Bookwork129: She definitely deserved a good birthday, after the year she's had! I can't imagine moving forward with trauma and relationships would be easy, but one step at the time, they'll get there.

Copperreign12: You read that correctly, our boy needed a few minutes to chill haha. I don't know if there is such a thing as returning back to your old self after trauma, but she sure is working on figuring who it made her and how to adapt to it. Hope you have a great week too!