A/N: Tissue Warning! I cried when I was writing and proof-reading this chapter so be prepared.

Also I wanted to ask- someone suggested a sequel to this story. I'd cut it off at just over 40 chapters because I thought that would be too long an didn't want anyone getting bored. But if people are wanting a sequel I'll happily write one. Let me know.

Chapter 29

To say Arthur was terrified all day the next day would be an understatement. He tried not to show his terror to Merlin but the temptation to crawl into the bed beside him and hug him and kiss him until he was torn away was almost too much. He could tell Merlin was scared as well. Even though he couldn't say anything to Arthur, the amount of tears he'd wiped away throughout the day was enough.

"I really do love you, Merlin," Arthur said ten minutes before the operation, "I know you said you don't like sad goodbyes so this isn't allowed to be a goodbye, alright? And then you can't be annoyed with me for being upset. Deal? Please be alright, Merls, please."

Merlin raised his hand and pressed his finger weakly to the edge of Arthur's lips, trying to pull his mouth up into a smile.

"I can't smile, gorgeous. Not now."

Merlin looked at him with tearful, pleading eyes so Arthur sighed and smiled, ignoring the salty tears that fell into his mouth. That seemed to calm Merlin as he closed his eyes, succumbing to the sedatives.

Arthur took a moment to plead and pray to everything he knew that Merlin would be alright before leaving the hospital to drive to his father's.

Seeing Killi again cheered him up. The dog seemed to know something was troubling him as, the second he sat on his father's sofa, Killi jumped up beside him completely calmly and sat on Arthur's lap so he could stroke him calmly.

"What do you want to drink?" Uther asked, "Tea, coffee?"

"I've already had far too many coffees today. I'm alright, thank you."

"Are you nervous?"

"I'm terrified," Arthur admitted, "Really, really scared."

Killi reached up and started licking his face affectionately. Arthur tried his best to pull him back down so he could cuddle him.

"Will they be in touch to let you know what happens?" Uther asked.

Arthur nodded, suddenly feeling the need to check his phone was in his pocket.

"Arthur, I've never told you how proud I am of you. I think I partially have Merlin to thank for that. I know how much you love each other."

"I want to marry him," Arthur said, "I genuinely can't imagine my life without him. I want to be with him forever."

Uther smiled at him, "I think it's a wonderful idea."

"He told me about a waterfall in Ireland where he and Will used to go camping. He wants to take me there. Maybe I could propose there."

Uther nodded "He'd love that."

Arthur sighed, coming back to reality after being caught in his daydream, "I suppose he has to survive first."

"He will, Arthur," Uther said, "I know he will."

"I really hope you're right."

A couple of hours later, Arthur's phone rang and he immediately recognised the hospital's number. He bit his lip, "I don't know if I can answer this."

"You have to Arthur. It'll be alright."

Arthur took a few deep breaths, desperately trying to convince himself that he was going to be told everything went well and Merlin was fine. Naturally, he wasn't so lucky.

"Mr Pendragon? I think you need to come in and say your goodbyes."

Arthur couldn't drive himself back to the hospital. His heart was broken, every dream he'd ever had completely obliterated. He'd never felt so crushed and devastated as he sat in his father's car, not caring that he was sobbing loudly and practically screaming. It genuinely, physically hurt him to think about what had happened. His chest ached and his mind was numb.

It took a long time to coax Arthur out of the car and into the hospital. He wasn't sure whether was reluctant to go in or his legs actually wouldn't work well enough to get inside. He was gripping onto his father's arm tightly, still weeping which, unfortunately, wasn't an uncommon sight in a hospital.

"What happened?" he cried to the doctor who asked to speak to them before they went to see Merlin.

"He's just not strong enough."

"There's no hope?" the pieces of Arthur's broken heart shattered some more.

"Very little," the doctor said, "I'm sorry and I wish I could tell you otherwise."

"How long? Today? Tomorrow? This week?"

"Before the end of tomorrow."

Arthur leant forward and placed his head in his hands, body shaking uncontrollably.

"If," he sniffled, "If he'd had a proper doctor from the start- if he moved to this ward sooner, would he have had a better chance?"

The doctor looked down sadly, "Probably."

Arthur suddenly felt a strong urge to kill Catrina and her family. Merlin was genuinely going to die because of her.

"Ok," he sighed, "Can I-"

"I'll take you to him," the doctor said.

Arthur stopped in the doorway to Merlin's room and nearly fell to his knees. Uther caught him and led him to a chair where Arthur just broke down again.

"Come on, Arthur," Uther said calmly, "Be strong."

Arthur took Merlin's weak, cold hand, "Oh, Merlin. If you knew what we were just planning for you," he tried to stay calm, "You promised, gorgeous, you pinky promised. There's still time. You haven't broken the promise yet. You don't have to. I'll not be upset if you don't break the promise, Merls. Honestly I won't. Please, gorgeous, please. I don't know if you understand how much I need you to be alright. I won't even care that you made me look like a girl walking through this hospital crying. If you just get better. Don't make me tell everyone. Please."

As it turned out, Uther had called everyone anyway as sensitively as he could and they were all on their way.

Arthur was still sobbing by Merlin's side when Morgana burst in with Leon and stopped in shock in the doorway, "I hoped it was a joke."

Arthur's lip trembled and he looked up at his sister. He was fairly sure by that point he was crying the bits of his broken heart out and an empty hole was being left behind.

"Arthur," Morgana said, "I don't understand. You said it was going to be alright."

"Well I was wrong!" Arthur yelled, "It's not alright. Not alright at all. He's going to die, Morgs. He's actually going to die. I'm never going to get to talk to him or cuddle him or- I wanted to propose, Morgs."

Morgana bent down to hug him with as much comfort as she could despite her own pain.

"It'll be alright," she said.

"It won't. Not without him. It's only ever been alright with him."

Arthur didn't think he'd be able to watch all the rest of his friends come in and say goodbye to Merlin. He was in too much pain himself to watch theirs. So Leon took him outside and they sat outside in the car park and cried. Arthur didn't know what to say. He couldn't do anything except cry. Leon didn't know how to comfort Arthur but Arthur didn't think he would have realised if he had.

After well over an hour, Arthur realised he couldn't bear to be apart from Merlin for a second longer and he went inside, completely ignoring Leon who trailed after him miserably. Merlin's room was crowded with people when he got back. The doctors didn't seem to care- they weren't disturbing anyone else as Merlin was the only one in his room, and it was hardly going to make a difference to him. Everyone hugged Arthur as he came in so by the time he'd greeted everyone, his shoulder was wet with tears. When he reached Gwaine, Arthur's knees gave out and the two of them ended up sobbing in each other's arms. But all Arthur could think about was how Gwaine's arms weren't Merlin's.

Everything that happened now reminded Arthur that he'd never be able to do that thing with Merlin ever again. It broke him more than he ever knew he could be broken.

He didn't have the mental space to think about where Gwen and Lance had left their baby as Gwen mumbled, "They said he wouldn't survive after the fire. But he did. Is there really no hope? He has to be alright. He'll be fine."

Eventually she got so upset Morgana had to take her to the bathroom to splash her face with cool water and calm down.

Arthur stared down at Hunith's contact on his phone. It had been hard enough to get his screen to show that after turning it on and being faced with a photo of him and Merlin on his lock screen, then his home screen and when he scrolled through his contacts. His thumb trembled above the button he knew he needed to press. The selfish part of him didn't want to Lancelot sat beside him and wrapped an arm around him.

"I can't do it," Arthur said, his voice weaker and more vulnerable than he would have liked.

"I'll sit with you. It'll be ok," Lancelot breathed.

"It'll break her heart," Arthur said, "What if- what if he's alright? What if he gets better and I upset her for no reason?"

Lancelot looked up to Merlin, and sighed, "Arthur-"

"You don't understand," Arthur said, "He promised he'd be ok. He told me he'd never leave me. So he'll get better. I know he will."

Percival, Gwaine and Elyan all shared heart-broken, devastated glances. But Arthur put his phone away, wiped his tears and shuffled closer to Merlin's side. He knew his friends had given up and had accepted Merlin's death. But he wouldn't. Not until he was actually gone.

Uther had gone home to look after Killi. He wanted to be with his children to support them but knew they were safe with their friends and probably appreciated them more at that particular time.

They'd all decided to stay until Merlin was gone. After the years of friendship he'd given to them, it was the least they could do. With every hour that passed, more tears fell and the more numb Arthur felt. He hadn't moved in over half a day. He'd just sat, holding Merlin's hand, staring at him longingly, the hope in his eyes decreasing gradually.

But every time a doctor came in, they seemed more and more confused that he was still alive. Eventually, Gwen and Lancelot had to leave to collect their son from wherever they'd left him. Before they left, they both said something quietly to Merlin, kissed him on the forehead, stroked his hair, and then hugged Arthur who didn't react apart from the slight movement to ensure Merlin was always in his line of view.

Elyan stayed a little longer but eventually his mental and physical exhaustion became too much and he left after saying his final goodbyes to Merlin.

Everyone else stayed although Arthur had a feeling Percival was only enduring it too make sure Gwaine didn't drink too many of the beers he had with him.

When a day had passed Arthur was preparing himself. He'd unlocked his phone multiple times tempted to call Hunith but he never managed. But when his phone buzzed and she was calling him, he froze. Of course she would want to know how the surgery had gone. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't lie but she'd be furious that he hadn't told her.

Morgana eased the phone out of his hand and answered it, stepping outside the room to talk to her. Arthur didn't care. The doctors had said Merlin had until the next evening. Now was that time. So surely that meant any minute now…

Morgana came back in with a doctor. She handed Arthur his phone and said, "She wants to speak to you."

Arthur jerked out of the daze he'd been in for a full day and stood up with shaking legs. He leant against the wall outside, "Hunith," his voice sounded hollow.

"Arthur."

They were silent for a while.

"I know I should have told you. I just-" he sank to the floor, "I really want to believe he'll be ok. And if I told you before he actually… it would devastate you and if he did turn out to be alright, I'd have to tell you. And I didn't want to break your heart and mess you around."

"Oh, Arthur."

"I'm so sorry, Hunith."

"No, it's- Arthur will you be alright?"

"Me?"

"Yes, you, Arthur."

He sighed, "No. I don't think I will be."

"Well then he'll get better."

"Hunith, I don't-"

"Please don't give up on him. Merlin won't leave you knowing you won't be able to cope. I know the two of you well enough to know that."

"I don't know what to do, Hunith. I can't help him."

"You can. You have to be there."

"The doctor's said he had until tonight at the latest," Arthur's voice cracked.

"When did they say that?"

"Yesterday," Arthur admitted sheepishly, thinking she was angry for keeping it from him.

"And he's still alive?"

"Yes," Arthur squeaked.

"He'll be fine, Arthur. Please believe in him. Whatever he's thinking about right now, it'll be about you. You are his whole life, Arthur and you have been for a very long time. The last thing he wants in this whole world is to lose you."

Arthur found himself crying again. He'd thought he'd used up all of his tears.

"Please, Arthur, I'm begging you. If you give up on him, he will have no reason to fight."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"If Merlin-"

"When."

"Right. When Merlin gets better, I was going to take him to Ireland. He keeps mentioning a waterfall."

"He and Will went there all the time. He's mentioned he wants to scatter Will's ashes there."

"So," Arthur didn't want to think about this when Merlin's life was so at risk, "I wanted to propose to him. I was just thinking about it yesterday before I got a call from the hospital and all I could think about was how happy he'd be in a place he'd love. I'm so scared I'll never get to see him smile again."

"Oh, Arthur. I wish I was there."

"No," Arthur said, "It's not nice. You don't want to."

"Get back to him, Arthur. Believe that the next time you'll call me it'll be with good news. You'll be able to propose to him."

"Thank you, Hunith."

"Go on. Go make him better. Tell him I love him."

"What are you going to tell Freya?"

"Nothing yet. And I'm not angry with you, Arthur. I love both of you and I know how hard it is."

Arthur's heart swelled. He hung up the phone, picked himself up off the floor and returned to Merlin's room. Percival met him in the doorway, "Gwaine's going to drink himself stupid if I don't get him home."

Arthur nodded, "Get home safe."

"I'm so sorry."

Arthur nodded. He didn't say anything about believing Merlin would live. His friends would either think him insane or pity his grieving denial. Surprisingly, Gwaine didn't put up a fuss about leaving. It seemed like he was past the point of knowing where he was. Arthur took a moment to think about what his friends' lives would be like if he hadn't employed Merlin.

Gwen and Lance would never have met, got married or had the baby the whole group now adored. And if Lancelot had never started at Camelot, Percival wouldn't have either. Meaning they would have been doomed to a life of loneliness on the streets or in jobs they hated. Gwaine would probably be in a much worse place as well. He was rich enough to have a house on his own before his job at Camelot, but his drinking had been a serious problem which Merlin had been a huge part in helping him overcome. Even Morgana viewed Merlin as either her little brother or her son. She was a different person around him.

Arthur's currently huge, happy family would consist of Morgana and Leon, Gwen, and Elyan. And he was be the arrogant, selfish idiot he'd been before Merlin whisked him off his feet and changed his life.

Arthur couldn't name one person in within his group of friends who wouldn't willingly run to edge of the world for Merlin. Which was why watching him die right in front of their eyes was so hard. He was arguably the most important person in the group. The one who stopped them from killing each other when they got into arguments at the pub. The one who had, without even realising, changed them into better versions of themselves. And the one who was going to leave them all behind.

That was worse, Arthur thought, than if he'd never joined them in the first place. How he simultaneously managed to be every single person's best friend, Arthur had never figured out. If he died now, what would become of everyone else?

Gwen's baby would be left without a godfather and who would have inevitably been an idol he would love and look up to as he grew up. And Gwen and Lance themselves would no longer have their best friend. Gwen had helped Merlin find a life here and he had been the reason she'd found the love of her life. Lancelot had known Merlin since they were both young children. The three of them had relied on each other for support before Arthur's feelings for Merlin had developed from irritation to love.

Then there was Gwaine. If the drinking he'd done already was anything to go by, Arthur didn't want to know what sort of black hole he'd fall into without Merlin. And the thing was, Merlin had never really told Gwaine directly to stop drinking. Just knowing him seemed to have given Gwaine the unspoken reason to get better. No one really understood why either of them meant so much to the other but Gwaine's was undeniably one of the strongest relationships Merlin had.

Arthur knew Morgana would be strong in the aftermath for a multitude of reasons, most of them to do with him. Morgana and Arthur had always fought and teased each other but they were also extremely protective. And Morgana had the biggest soft spot for Merlin. She would struggle just as much as the rest of them, no matter what she showed to everyone else.

Leon, Percival and Elyan had always been more reserved with their emotions- much like Arthur before Merlin had entered his life. They all cared deeply for Merlin but probably wouldn't be seen visibly to be too shaken. Leon would be strong for Morgana, Elyan for Gwen and Lance, and Percival would have his work cut out with Gwaine.

Then there was Hunith and Freya in Ireland. They would have lost all the men in their family and be left alone to deal with it. Arthur doubted they'd want to come over and stay while they were mourning. Arthur didn't think he'd be able to support them properly anyway.

Because he would be destroyed. Whenever he'd thought about the future, Merlin was with him. The idea of never seeing him, speaking to him, laughing with him, cuddling, kissing, eating, watching tv, the idea of doing anything that he used to do with Merlin was too much. How could he possibly look after Killi without thinking of the reason he'd got him in the first place? How could he sleep in any bed without wanting to wrap his arms around someone who wasn't there? How could he open his new hotel business without Merlin by his side?

Arthur knew already that he'd be a horrible person to deal with. He didn't care though. Nothing was important if Merlin wasn't there.