AN: Still don't own Lord of the Rings, or anything from The Hobbit.
I know, everyone's tired of Thorin and his vain attempts with Allie. I promise, she will be in Erebor for a few more chapters, and then she's off to Rivendell.
Please, bear with me, because the whole thing with Thorin wraps up soon. Thanks.
Chapter 43: A Walk in a Garden:
I woke the next morning to find a note from Thorin waiting for me.
As I nervously opened the envelope, Ethelwen brought me breakfast in bed. She then proceeded to wait next to me, closely watching my facial expressions for any hint that something might be wrong.
The note was actually a sort of follow-up to his invitation for a walk. He asked that I join him after breakfast with whomever I would like accompanying me.
While I ate my morning meal, I thought carefully about who to take on the walk. Gandalf and Ethelwen were both givens, but it was also probably a good idea to invite Glorfindel, too.
'If I don't, he'll be storming through the Mountain, and that would end very badly for anyone who crossed him when he's already in a bad mood.'
"My friend," I said to the hovering Ethelwen, "Would you please go to Gandalf and Lord Glorfindel, asking them to join me this morning, after breakfast? King Thorin has invited us on a walk, and I think it would be best if they, as well as you, accompanied me."
She gave a quick curtsy and rushed out the door, leaving me to my meal in peace. I had just finished when she returned with replies from the others.
"Mithrandir and Lord Glorfindel will be happy to join you on your walk with the King," she state. "Now, we must dress you for the occasion."
She chose a deep violet outfit of breeches and tunic, with a lavender shirt and brown boots. Ethelwen wove gold and purple ribbons through my hair, which was elegantly twisted and pulled back into a braid that rested atop a wave of loose hair.
"I wish you would wear a circlet or hairpiece of some sort," Ethelwen muttered. "Perhaps a hairclip or two, to hold it in place?"
I sat while she put in two simple clips of silver etched with gold Elven designs. Finally, I was declared ready for my walk with the King of Erebor.
Gwyn escorted us through the halls and caverns, to where everyone was waiting. Gandalf had left his hat off, but still carried his staff. Beside him was Glorfindel, who had a thunderous look on his face, and much to my surprise, Balin and Dis were joining us.
Everyone was dressed casually and comfortably, a welcome sight. I was glad for a quiet, casual gathering that didn't involve grand entertainments or feasts.
The only ornamentation worn was by Thorin, who bore a thick band of gold on his head set with sapphires that matched his deep blue eyes. Those blue orbs lit up when they saw me, but I noticed that he was doing everything possible to remain calm and collected as he took my hand in greeting.
With the way he had been acting when I had previously visited, and the looks I had received since arriving, I was surprised at how gentlemanly Thorin was acting. His kiss to my hand was soft and gentle, as was his touch. Had his feelings somehow changed overnight? If so, what had caused it?
"Please follow me, my lady," Thorin politely requested, my hand still in his. "I hope you will be pleased with the newest addition to my realm."
Glorfindel was clearly unhappy with this, but could say nothing without looking rude. Gandalf, meanwhile, very carefully maneuvered his way to the Elf Lord's side and began chatting in Elvish, effectively distracting him as our group moved forward.
The enclosed walkway Thorin led us through was wide enough for four people –easily eight feet in height, making it so even the tallest Elf could walk through without fearing a concussion. The archway over the top of the entry was elegantly decorated in Dwarf designs, and the pillars on either side had carvings of flowering vines and leaves so detailed, they looked real. I was very impressed, but those were nothing compared to the huge cavern we walked into.
We turned a corner, and there, spread out before us, was the most impressive garden I had ever seen.
The entire space seemed to be filled with sunshine, though only a small amount was coming in various holes cut into the rock above. It was then that I realized the walls were covered in golden brown tiles and stones, perfectly cut to warmly reflect the sunlight.
The paths winding through the flowerbeds were of different colored stones set carefully together, creating a smooth, soothing walk throughout the huge space. The cavern itself was about the size of a concert arena back home, and even included an open area where a stage for musicians could be set up. I also noticed a few select areas where stalls for food or trinkets could be installed. It really was like a public park, and I could easily imagine courting couples, families, and even artists walking around, enjoying the views around them and basking the peace it brought on.
'Thorin must have a spectacular group of crafts folk and gardeners,' I thought, my head spinning at the beauty of the flowers and plants before me. 'Look at how the leaves shine! For plants growing indoors, they are so healthy!'
"It's lovely," I softly commented to Thorin, admiring a green bush with tiny purple flowers I had never seen before.
He chuckled and gently squeezed the hand he still held, nodding pointedly towards a rose bush. "Look."
As I leaned in to examine the plant, I gasped. Each flower petal and leaf was an exquisitely cut gemstone, in a metal setting!
"The flowers can be slipped out of the main branches of the plants, and moved to a different one," Thorin explained, smiling at the shocked expression on my face. "With different colors and sizes, we can create countless combinations on the flower bushes."
"Incredible," I whispered. "Each plant looks so real, I expect them to give off a fragrance."
They really did look real, at least from a distance. When you examined them closer, you clearly saw the emeralds of the leaves, or the many different sized jewels that made up the flower petals. I saw pinks, reds, yellow, and orange of various shades, as well as blue and purple, all scattered about in a dazzling array of plant art.
"Your craftspeople are incredibly skilled," I marveled, gently tracing the petal of a yellow-and-orange rose set in silver. "Where did you ever find so many gems? And how many have been working on this? It must have taken ages to plan this, and years to get it done!"
Thorin chuckled and gently tugged at my hand, indicating that he wanted to lead me further into the garden. "Most of it has been done by apprentices who are on the verge of becoming masters, though many of the master craftspeople have added their work here as well. It has kept their skills honed and their minds sharp."
He motioned towards a corner, where a small, perfectly crafted willow tree stood –a beautiful, shimmering waterfall of green and brown glittering gems, set in mithril branches which sprouted from a solid mithril trunk.
"I built this place so that my people, as well as those of Dale, had a place to go during the long winter months," Thorin explained. "As I said, the flowers can be slipped out and rearranged to make the plants and garden more interesting. There are guards hidden about, for safety and to prevent theft. My sister will be the one in charge of the arrangements, as well as any festivals or gatherings that might be held here."
Behind me, I heard Ethelwen, Gandalf and Glorfindel exclaiming in delight as they gazed about the cavern. I, too, appreciated the beauty and the years it must have taken to complete it, but I couldn't help but wonder at the cost of it all.
I tentatively mentioned it to Thorin, and he was more than happy to oblige me with an answer. "The gems are stones that were rejected from other projects, or are refuse from stones that were cut down. The metal is the same: scraps and shavings from previous projects, or pieces that were broken and could not be saved. Also, the veins of metals run very deep, and were not difficult to obtain."
For a while, we walked quietly along the paths, admiring the glittering displays of Erebor's wealth and skills. All throughout, Thorin kept a gentle hold on my hand, like a gentleman. There was no sign of courtship of any kind, which I think is what kept Glorfindel in a fairly rational and calm mood.
Eventually, we came to a lovely gazebo, and it was there that Thorin politely asked if he might have a private word with me. "We will be in sight of your guardian and friends, and I swear to behave as I ought to," he said, looking pointedly at the hovering blonde Elf Lord behind us.
I called Ethelwen over and asked that she keep the others at a distance. Of course, I knew that my Elf friends could hear what we were saying, since their sense of hearing was superior, but I don't think Thorin knew that.
She agreed to my request, and managed to keep a reluctant Glorfindel back as he threw a glare our way. I simply gave him a reassuring smile and a nod as Thorin escorted me to a seat in the gazebo.
There were a few moments of silence as Thorin and I awkwardly sat facing one another. Abruptly, Thorin stood up and began to pace, the sound of his footsteps filling the silence that stretched out between us.
Finally, he stopped and stood staring out at the gardens around us. "Allie, I would like to apologize for my previous behaviors," he said, clasping his hands behind him. "I believe I told you how aggressively straightforward Dwarf courtship can be. However, I did not speak of the sort of madness that comes over a male Dwarf during that time."
He turned to face me, though his eyes remained on the floor. "I did not know about the feelings that would come with the courtship, for I have never pursued a female before. But that is no excuse for my actions and behavior. If I have offended you and your kin in any way, I pray you can forgive me for it."
This was so unexpected, I didn't know what to say. I merely sat there in silence, as Thorin continued to speak. "I can assure you that my feelings for you are quite real. I know that Dwarves are not as refined and elegant as the Elves, but if you accept my suit, I swear I would love and cherish you the best I can during our time together."
As I watched his face, I knew he had spoken honestly, and I respected him for it.
"Will you sit?" I asked, motioning to a seat next to me. He seemed surprised at the offer, but accepted it readily. "I admit, I have been both flattered and flustered by your acts in the past. I did not seek your affections, and am unsure as to how I was able to attract them in such a way."
He attempted to speak, but stopped when I put a hand on his arm. "I also admit that I do wish for a husband and a family. But Thorin, I do not know if marriage to you is the answer for both of us."
I shifted a little in my seat. "The Lady Galadriel of Lothlorien possesses great powers, both in magic and of the mind. When I visited her realm, I looked into a magical object, and there I saw a vision of one who I know will be my husband. I fear that I do not yet know who it is, or when we will meet, but the vague form I saw was not yours."
Thorin breathed sharply in, but my hand on his arm kept him from leaving. "I do have great affection for you, but it is that of a love for a good and dear friend. I worry for you as a friend would, and feel great pain when you are unhappy or angry. I can promise you here and now that I am, and shall always be, your true friend and supporter.
"But as your friend, I also do not want you to feel as though you are 'second best,' particularly when it comes to marriage. I would never want you to feel that I am withholding affection from you because of the love I will meet in the future."
As I spoke, I carefully watched his face, wondering if or when he might lash out in anger. If what he had said was true, and the courtship 'madness' of his people emerged, I would have to be ready to defend myself.
Surprisingly, Thorin said nothing. He merely sat there, waiting for me to continue. I didn't know if that was a good sign or not, but I very much hoped that he was listening to what I was saying.
"And Thorin, I must consider what will happen to any child I could have with you, once you are gone. I would truly love my children; I know that unquestioningly. But I do not think I could bear it when my child begins to age and die, while I would be here, unaged. It would break my heart, and I am sure you do not wish for that to happen."
Thorin remained quiet for some time, clearly thinking about what I had said. Meanwhile, I saw my friends keeping a safe distance, while trying to keep Glorfindel from interrupting.
A good five or ten minutes passed before Thorin spoke again.
"I would be the first to say that life is full of hardships, including sadness and death, and pain. Not even the Elves are free of death, though it is rare for them. No one truly knows what the future holds, which is why experiencing life in the present is also important."
He sighed and looked at the hand I still rested on his arm. "The news you have told me, of a future True Love, is hurtful. And yet, I still care for you in spite of that."
Again, he sighed, his free hand coming to rest on mine. "This truly pains my heart, Alyssa. I wish nothing more than to wed you. And yet, I do not wish to put your future happiness in jeopardy."
He gently squeezed my hand. "My only comfort will be that you will find your love, and your joy, as you deserve."
I immediately felt overcome with guilt and sadness. Thorin had been so good to me, so kind and welcoming not only to me, but also my friends. And this was how I repaid him. I could feel my heart breaking even as his did.
"Is there truly no one here in Erebor, or another Dwarf kingdom, that you feel would better suit you as a queen?" I asked. "Surely there must be someone. I cannot bear the thought of you being alone and miserable, all because of me."
He actually chuckled a little as he continued holding my hand. "You must think me quite fickle, if you believe I can find another so quickly. No, dear Alyssa, there will be no replacing you. But I do hope we may at least be friends, and that you will continue to visit me and my realm often in the future."
I felt him squeeze my hand again, before releasing it. The sadness on his face was obvious to me, but he was quick to hide it behind a small smile. "Come, let us rejoin the others, before your guardian begins to think the worst and decides to declare war on me."
As Thorin escorted me back, I saw the relief on Glorfindel's face, and knew that he'd overheard our conversation. He had probably been ready to haul me off as soon as he heard Thorin's attempt to court me seriously, but Gandalf had probably held him back. My wizard friend clearly had more faith in me than my overprotective guardian did.
Ethelwen only had to look at me briefly, and she knew how upset I was. She also knew me well enough that I would want to put on a cheerful expression and carry on, not letting anyone know how I truly felt.
She was a wonderful friend that way.
The rest of our walk was, for the most part, pleasant, with Thorin and Dis chatting on and on about the various plants and flowers that had been created for the garden. However, I couldn't keep my mind focused on their words, though I kept a polite smile on my face.
Gandalf seemed to sense my distress, for he somehow managed to maneuver his way to my side and tuck one of my hands into his elbow. The two of us fell back a little, as Ethelwen made herself the focus of our Dwarf hosts' attention. Since she was genuinely interested in everything to do with the garden, it was no trouble allowing her to be a distraction.
Ever-so-subtly, Gandalf made sure that the two of us were left behind by the others. Balin seemed to want to linger, but a look from Gandalf signaled that it was best if he let us be.
When he felt us far enough away from the others, Gandalf gently squeezed my hand in his and whispered, "Are you alright, my dear? Your spirits are quite low, and I noticed that Thorin seemed the same way. Has something happened?"
I was quiet a moment as I struggled to keep myself together. If I broke down crying now, I probably wouldn't be able to stop. "I told him the truth, Gandalf," I whispered. "I told him what I learned from Galadriel's Mirror, about a future love, and my worries of what could happen should he and I wed."
Swallowing hard, I managed to say, "I told him that a union between us would not be possible, and that I felt it would be unwise."
The wizard was quiet for a moment, as though he were absorbing what I just said. "Then you did the right thing," Gandalf finally declared, startling me a little. "It was a talk you both needed to have. And I have full faith in your decision."
The large, rough hand that clasped mine squeezed it again, gently but firmly. "I know it hurts the both of you right now, but you are both strong." He released my hand and instead draped an arm around my shoulders in a hug. "You may take comfort in the fact that you will find your heart's desire in the future. And I will do what I can to assist Thorin with his heartache, perhaps by finding him a bride in one of the Dwarf kingdoms…if his sister doesn't find him one first."
I had to smile at the thought of Dis playing matchmaker. "He does deserve to be happy, Gandalf. I want what's best for him, even if it isn't with me in his life."
"Oh, I think you will always be part of his life, Allie," Gandalf said, giving me another half-hug. "He will never forget you, and will likely always wonder what you would want him to do, should he find himself trying to make a tough choice."
"I want to remain friends with him, Gandalf," I admitted. "I don't want to lose that. I want to be able to come see how he is doing, and to visit my friends here, without anger or too much awkwardness between us."
He nodded his understanding. "But it must be clear that you are here as a friend, and nothing more. I will speak with Lord Glorfindel, and with Balin, to see what might be done."
With Gandalf willing to help and advise me, I felt a little better. I truly was lucky in my friends.
Sighing heavily, Thorin sat back in his chair and drank deeply from the goblet in his hands. The cider was a good choice; he dreaded what would happen if he started drinking wine or ale habitually. Dwarves may love their ale, but he knew a King who loved his drink too much would doom his kingdom to ruin.
"Well, that certainly went worse than I expected in some ways, but better in others," Dis said, offering him a plate of tasty tidbits, fresh from the palace kitchens. "I am glad you decided not to hold a dinner with them tonight. Things will be awkward enough at the feast tomorrow evening."
Thorin did not relish the idea of the feast, but it was too late to cancel it. Besides, it was in Alyssa's honor, and he still felt she deserved to be honored. 'After all, she was honest with me about her future, and her worries.'
An arm crossed his vision as Dis gently lay a hand on his. "Brother, I am sorry she does not return your feelings," she said, her voice soft and kind. "But better that you know now, rather than later. Her heart is a kind and generous one –had you proposed again, she might have felt obligated to accept you, either out of sympathy or another emotion altogether. But it would not have been love, and after you wedded, whatever faint amount of feeling she might have for you might turn towards anger and resentment, and no marriage can flourish that way."
Curse it; she was right, but it wasn't something he wanted to hear right now.
"I still care very much for her, sister," Thorin admitted. "My head agrees with you, but my heart feels heavier than the Mountain itself."
He saw the spark in her blue eyes, and groaned. "Do not think to play matchmaker for me soon, Dis. You know I am not going to heal from this quickly."
She sighed. "I know. But I want to see you settled down, with someone who loves you and can give you children to love and dote on, the way you did with my boys."
Yes, Thorin wanted that, too. But the heart does not heal overnight; he needed time to calm his emotions and gather his thoughts together.
'But while she is here, I will relish my time with Alyssa,' he swore to himself. 'I will restrain myself, and treat her respectfully, as she deserves.'
He was very thankful he had not frightened her off, and that she seemed willing to remain friends. If he could not have her as a wife and queen, then he at least had the hope that she would return often to Erebor. Her presence was like a balm to his spirits, and he truly did enjoy her company.
Taking a deep breath, Thorin took a drink from his cup. 'I must be calm and smart about this. If I am to keep Alyssa's friendship, and her visits to my kingdom, I need to think things through and act properly towards her.'
It would be difficult, trying to be merely her friend. But if he could not have her love, he would accept her friendship.
AN: Review?