T Plus 25 Days
Content Warning: Sexual references and nudity toward the end.
As morning came over the Smash World, some of the Smashers were already awake, doing their morning workouts, watching the morning news and freshening up. As soon as they came fully awake, they called or texted the Mario Bros, who were also up and at them, getting ready to take on World 5. They sounded better than they were yesterday, and they also sounded well-rested, conceding that the Smashers had been right. Once they were dressed, the Smashers told Master Hand that they wouldn't be staying for breakfast, and that they'd spend most of the day in Koopa's castle. The Hand of Creation was bewildered, to say the least, but he allowed them to go, advising them to exercise caution. He also told them that if they saw an opportunity to get Peach to safety, then by all means, they should take it.
Among these Smashers were Dark Pit, Falco, Marth, Roy, Rolf, Chase, Mewtwo, Kyle, Dorf, Wario and Chad, the latter having barely slept at all, courtesy of the Boos.
"How did Boos get into the Smash Mansion?" asked Wario when Chad explained his situation to everyone.
"You got me," replied Chad, "but I can see why Luigi is so unnerved around them."
"If it makes you feel better," said Marth, "then we're staying at the castle overnight. And Koopa's flying us over on his airship. You can grab plenty of rest on the way there."
"That's good to know," sighed Chad.
After packing an overnight bag, the Smashers involved in Project Nerf gathered at a predetermined meeting point, warming themselves with cocoa or cider.
"Hold on."
Master Hand floated outside, wearing a gold jacket with the Smash logo on it.
"Morning, Master Hand," said Falco. "Are you coming with us?"
MH chuckled. "You wish," he said. "You're—staying overnight, I see."
"Yes, Master Hand," chorused the group of Smashers.
"I was just wondering—what is that turtle up to?" asked MH. "He already has Peach—why does he want you?"
"He—he wants us to meet some new friends," said Roy.
"New friends?" MH frowned. "What the Hell for?"
"He didn't tell us," Dorf replied, but there was a knowing look in his eye.
"So—he's picking you up here in his airship," said MH, "while the Bros are continuing on to his castle unawares. With Koopa distracted, Mario and Luigi can whisk Peach to safety unseen—if they play their cards right."
"I think he's aware of that," warned Marth. "He could have one of his advisers or generals watching over things in his stead."
"Even so, I'd better give them a call," said MH, helping himself to some cocoa. "Carry on, then. And remember what I said earlier."
"All right," said Dark Pit.
"See you tomorrow, Master Hand," said Chad.
"Likewise," said MH before taking his leave.
"Well," said Kyle, "as long as MH is cool with this, there's nothing to worry about."
Murmurs of assent.
Not long after the talk with MH, they spotted Koopa's airship in the distance, her flag flying proudly. The group of Smashers waved at the airship as she approached, docked and descended. Her ramp descended, and red and green-shelled Koopa Troopas lined up in neat rows on either side as their King strode out to greet his passengers.
"Top of the morning to you, Your Grace," said Marth, bowing to the Koopa King.
"Top of the morning to you, too," said Koopa. "Thanks for showing up."
"We wouldn't miss this for the world," said Dark Pit.
"If you'd follow me in a single-file line, I'll show you to your cabins," said Koopa.
The group of Smashers obliged, and they all filed onto the airship.
Hey, hold up, said Mewtwo as they paused at the bridge. You left Peach alone?
"Yes, Mewtwo. I'm a complete airhead," Koopa sarcastically responded. "I knew she'd try to escape, so I brought her along with me. She's resting right now, so please, try not to disturb her."
"She needs all the rest she can get," nodded Roy.
"And Kamek is keeping his eyes and ears peeled for those pesky plumbers," Koopa went on. "Kammy is helping him, too. You guys remember Kammy, right?"
"Yeah," said Falco. "She helped you when you pulled a little 'all your base are belong to us' stunt on Peach fourteen years ago."
"Exactly," said Koopa.
He picked up an envelope filled with access keys. "Okay—here are your cabin assignments. When I call your name, please, come forward and accept your keycard. Chad?"
Chad walked up, and Koopa slipped a keycard into his hand. After studying it, Chad hurried over to the corresponding cabin and entered it.
"Chase—Dark Pit—Falco—Kyle…"
This continued until everyone had a cabin. And these cabins were like small suites. There was a coffee maker with assorted coffees and teas, a soft, queen-sized bed, floor-to-ceiling windows, a walk-in tub and shower, a flatscreen TV with premium channels, an assortment of snacks and a variety of lotions, body washes and shampoos, to name a few. Chad stripped to his boxers, flopped onto the bed and was out within minutes, while the others took the time to explore their accommodations before turning on their TVs and viewing the latest traffic and weather reports.
"Attention, passengers," Koopa's voice crackled over the PA system. "We'll be underway shortly. Be advised, we'll be making two additional stops before heading over to my castle. There are a few more passengers to take on."
After making that announcement, Koopa dressed in his captain's uniform, put on his captain's hat, fired up his airship's engines and guided the aircraft into the sky before beginning to steer her forward.
1.1.1
Half an hour later, Koopa's airship arrived at her first stop, where a Charging Chuck waited, along with a family of four. After circling the area twice, the airship made a smooth landing, and Koopa emerged to greet the new passengers.
"Vanessa!" Koopa said warmly. "Good to see you nice and freshened up. You gave everyone quite a scare yesterday."
"I had to at least try," said Vanessa.
"And I admire you for that," said Koopa. "C'mon, your cabin is ready for you."
He led Vanessa, Theo, Ethan and Anna to a family-sized cabin, with plenty of entertainment for both the kids and adults. There were even two separate bedrooms, each with their very own bathroom.
"Wow," the family breathed in unison.
"You've really outdone yourself," said Theo. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," smiled Koopa.
Vanessa looked around the cabin, and then a thought came to her. "Peach…"
"She's coming along for the ride," Koopa told her. "I figured she could use the fresh air."
"Or maybe you don't want her trying to escape," Vanessa said coolly.
"Yeah—that, too," shrugged Koopa. "But I really don't want her cooped up in my castle all the time."
Vanessa and her brood exchanged a look.
"Feel free to make yourselves comfortable," said Koopa. "We only have one more stop to make."
"Okay," said Theo.
As Koopa left, the family quickly put their luggage away before powwowing in the main bedroom. They knew that they could use this situation to their advantage. With the right amount of planning, the usual rescue mission would be considerably more painless than normal.
1.1.1
The airship's final stop was at a metropolitan area, where a businessman waited, flanked by several bodyguards. This businessman smiled as the airship docked and her captain stepped out.
"Mr. Sakurai," said Koopa.
"Your Grace," replied Mr. Sakurai.
Jeff appeared, holding Mr. Sakurai's bags.
"We'll take care of them," Koopa assured him as two Hammer Bros arrived to help with the luggage.
"Thank you," said Jeff. "Please, keep him safe."
"I assure you, Jeff—all of my passengers and guests are under my full protection," smiled Koopa.
He shook hands with Jeff, Reggie and the rest of the bodyguards. Then, he lumbered back onto the ship and took his place at the helm.
"Let's take this baby to the skies," said Koopa. "Time to stretch her legs."
At once, the airship's crew shouted orders to one another as they worked in tandem to lift the magnificent aircraft off the ground, her propellers turning slowly at first, and then faster and faster. The passengers headed over to the railing, holding on tight while watching the world below them grow smaller and smaller, the feeling akin to being inside an ascending elevator. Higher and higher the airship rose until she was just above the clouds, spread out like a silky layer of frosting in the blue autumn sky. The air was chillier at this altitude, so the passengers wasted no time pulling on their jackets.
"It's almost as if we're sailing," mused Chase, "with the clouds as the sea."
"You bet," said Dorf.
They fell silent as Koopa once again addressed them over the PA system. "This is your captain speaking," he said. "Welcome about my airship of the line, en route to my castle. At this time, I'd like to ask you to read over the safety precautions and the emergency instruction booklet. For your safety, do not leave young children unattended, and exercise caution in moving about whenever the airship is in motion. We are expecting to arrive at our destination within the next 5 hours, and I'll notify you of any delays or developments. For the time being, however, just sit back, relax and enjoy the journey."
On those words, the airship picked up speed, churning through the sky and the sea of clouds as the passengers drank in the view. Above the pillowy mass of clouds was the sun, its light providing some relief from the cooler temperatures. Falco joined Marth, Roy and a few others at the bow, spreading out his wings and laughing as the airship continued gliding forward.
"Look at that, folks!" he cried. "I'm flying! I'm actually flying!"
Marth and Roy glanced down below, where a flock of birds flew through the clouds under the airship in a "V" formation.
"Imagine that," breathed Marth. "We're flying higher than the birds. That turtle has really outdone himself."
"Say that again," said Rolf.
Roy caught Marth's hand, and they stood next to Falco at the very front of the ship.
"I'm king of the world!" whooped Roy, Marth, Falco, Rolf and eventually Chase whooping and cheering along with him.
Koopa smiled hugely at them as he watched them goof around. He knew that eventually, those plumbers would show up and take Peach back, so he and his passengers should have as much fun as they could before then.
1.1.1
Shortly after the airship got underway, Theo and Vanessa got the kids settled down with some cartoons and cereal bars.
"Hopefully, she's not in the brig," Vanessa said quietly.
"He wouldn't put her there," Theo assured her. "I can tell that he loves and treasures her, so he wouldn't treat her like a common prisoner. Maybe he has her in one of the cabins."
"That would be a good guess," said Vanessa. "Which one, though?"
"One way to find out," said Theo. "Stay here with the kids. I'll take a look around."
Vanessa laid a hand on his arm. "I'll look for her," she said.
Theo frowned. "Are you sure?"
"No offense, but she's closer to me. And she's probably frazzled right now. The Bros haven't texted us for a long time now."
Theo heaved a sigh. "Just—be careful, yeah?"
"I always am," said Vanessa.
"I've got your back, though," Theo assured her. "I won't let those minions hurt you."
"I know you won't."
Husband and wife shared a kiss, and then the latter stepped out of the cabin, cautiously making her way down the rows of cabins, and eventually roaming through the rest of the ship.
"If I was the fearsome ruler of a faraway land," Vanessa mused to herself, "with a fleet of airships at my disposal, and I had the object of my twisted affections in my clutches—then where on my airship would I stash her?"
A lightbulb went off in her mind.
"The Captain's Cabin," she realized.
She threw a glance at Koopa, who stood at the helm, expertly guiding the airship through the sky. Then, she put some speed under her feet, took her chances and quietly darted toward the other side of the vessel. Flattening herself against the wall, she slid her way along the corridor towards the Captain's Cabin. When she came upon two red-shelled Koopa Troopas guarding what appeared to be a large room, she knew she was in the right place.
Great. How do I sneak in?
"I'm sorry, ma'am," said one of the Koopa Troopas, making her jump a little, "but you can't be here."
Vanessa faced him, ready to defend herself if necessary. "I just want to talk to her for a while," she said. "We're friends."
The Koopa Troopa smiled sadly. "Can't do it," he said, a bit forlornly.
Vanessa stepped closer to him, dropping her voice. "Or," she said, "perhaps I should tell His Majesty about those power-ups you'll no doubt send to the Mario Bros once his back is turned?" She indicated a pile of Golden Mushrooms as she spoke.
The Koopa Troopa paled.
"Ten minutes," he said.
Vanessa beamed. "Great," she said.
The Koopa Troopa nodded to his companion, who took out a ring of keys and unlocked the door.
"I think now would be a good time to send those power-ups," Vanessa said craftily before entering the cabin.
Once the door closed and locked behind her, Vanessa scanned the palatial room, looking for the Mushroom Princess.
"Peach?" she called. "Are you in here? Are you okay?"
"Over here, Vanessa."
Vanessa turned her head and followed the voice, quickly locating Peach under the covers of Koopa's huge bed.
"Hey," breathed Vanessa.
"Hey," replied Peach, sitting up. "What are you doing here?"
"That turtle is flying me and a few others to his castle to meet some friends of his," explained Vanessa, "and so, I figured I might as well see about you."
"Friends?" asked Peach. "As in the Bennigan Brothers?"
"Well, we technically already met them," said Vanessa, "and he didn't really say who these friends were. He wants it to be a surprise."
Peach brushed her hair out of her face. "These friends are probably shady," she mused. "He's keeping me in the dark about them."
"Don't worry," said Vanessa. "Once we find out who they are, we'll pass it along to those two."
"What does he want with you?" asked Peach.
"Maybe—he doesn't want anything," postulated Vanessa. "Maybe he just wants us to meet these friends of his and then share some quality time before they get here."
Peach snorted. "Fat chance," she said. "He's always planning something. Either he wants to get rid of Mario, or recreate a galaxy in his image, or take over someplace. There's always a scheme cooking in his brain."
"We'll figure it out," said Vanessa. "Okay? In the meantime, you gotta stay calm and think positive, because they're fighting their way to that castle to get to you."
Peach nodded and sat up even straighter, the sheets falling away from her body. Vanessa then saw that Peach was wearing a strapless, light pink dress, which was slightly wrinkled.
"Believe it or not, I'm holding up okay," Peach said softly. "After he brought me to the castle, he had his attendants run a nice, warm bath for me. Then, he let me spend some time in a steam room before taking me to a lounge area of sorts. There were snacks and ice-cold beverages, and he smiled at me and told me to relax. After a while, he gave me some clothes to wear and showed me to my room. He pretty much left me to my own devices, even letting me eat my dinner in my room. It wasn't until the next day that he started in on me."
"I knew it. He was trying to get you to marry him, wasn't he?"
"And trying to get me to give up my kingdom. As if." Peach tossed her head. "But then, he arranged a spa day for me. I got a few body treatments, a massage, and I got my hair and nails done. It was like—being in a gilded cage without bars. Oh, and he lets me use his gym. I shouldn't count that out."
"He's pampering you," acknowledged Vanessa, "but he's still holding you against your will, and his intentions toward your kingdom are ambiguous at best. He ordered innocent Toads to be transformed into blocks and bricks the first few times around."
"And not only that—he took part in a huge plot to nerf one of my heroes," said Peach. "Was he really frustrated over those combos? Or did he just want to get to Mario?"
"I'd guess both," eyerolled Vanessa.
"Theo—the kids…"
"They're safe," Vanessa assured her. "He gave us a family-sized cabin."
Peach propped up her pillow and sat up fully in the bed, aiming her remote at the TV and switching it on.
"Wanna watch a movie with me?" she asked.
Vanessa sighed. "I'd love to, but they gave me ten minutes," she said.
Peach's eyes twinkled. "Well, then," she said. "Let's convince them to give us more time."
1.1.1
Outside the Captain's Cabin, the two red-shelled Koopa Troopas continued to stand guard.
"Well, I say he says 'denser' in the lyrics," the one on the left was saying, referring to the song "Human" by The Killers.
"And I say he says 'dancer'," retorted the one on the right.
"How does that even make sense?" Left wanted to know.
"That's the beauty of music, isn't it?" retorted Right. "Music and songs don't have to make sense to be enjoyed and appreciated. Heck, some songs can have nonsensical lyrics, and they result in a deeply spiritual listening experience. And some songs don't have lyrics at all."
Left smirked. "Since when did you start getting philosophical over music?" he asked.
"I've had some time on my hands, is all," shrugged Right.
"And speaking of time…" Left checked his watch. "Our visitor's time is halfway expired. We'd better let her know."
He turned to rap on the door, only for it to open, Vanessa popping her head out.
"Finished already?" Right asked in surprise.
"You have five minutes left," added Left.
"You two are very kind," said Vanessa stepping out of the room, "but unfortunately, Peach and I just can't have you hovering outside this door."
"What?"
Vanessa lashed out swiftly and sharply, landing a knifehand strike to Left's neck. Left retreated into his shell in surprise, and before Right could react, Vanessa kicked the shell into him, causing him to also duck into his shell. She watched the two shells bounce along the corridors for a while before stopping one shell with her foot, and then Peach came out and stopped the other shell in the same fashion.
The two women picked up the shells and carried them inside, placing them on one of the couches.
Right was the first to recover, emerging from his shell and glaring at them.
"Just you wait till I tell His Majesty about this," he hissed.
This time, it was Peach who delivered a chop to Right's neck, rendering him dazed.
"That should hold them for a while," she said.
They took the shells into the bedroom and gently set them against the wall. Then, Peach cracked open a bottle of sparkling grape juice and filled two glasses, which she set on the nightstand.
"What kind of movie are you in for?" she asked.
Within moments, the two women were snuggled together in the bed, sipping on their grape juice and watching a romantic comedy. Before the movie started, Vanessa had texted Theo and the kids, telling them that Peach was in the Captain's Cabin and looked okay, for the most part. And she seemed okay, too, laughing along with Vanessa as they viewed the hijinks that the two romantic leads wound up in on their way to their happily ever after. Halfway through the flick, Left and Right came to, and Peach paused the film, she and Vanessa carrying the two Koopa Troopas outside and propping them against the doorway, placing an empty bottle of alcohol between them to make it look like they'd been drinking and slacking off on the job.
As the credits rolled, Peach and Vanessa refilled their glasses and chatted about this and that.
Peach then glanced out her window. "We're almost there," she said. "Think we have time to watch a chick flick?"
"If we skip through the previews, then I think we can squeeze one in," replied Vanessa.
With a smile, Peach browsed through the on demand menu in search of the perfect chick flick.
"Here's a good one," she murmured as she made her selection.
As the movie began, the two women once again settled back, Peach temporarily forgetting about the stress of her current situation. In the clutches of a power-hungry turtle, she could use the extra company. But by and by, reality began intruding on them, in the form of commotion outside.
Vanessa grabbed the now-empty bottle of sparkling grape juice. "Stay here," she said. "I'll go see what that is."
Cautiously, she ventured outside the Captain's Cabin and back onto the Main Deck. There, she saw Theo and the kids, attempting to distract Koopa as he lumbered toward his quarters.
Unhesitatingly, she ran over.
"There you are!" Theo said innocently, giving his wife a big hug. "Sorry, Your Grace. False alarm."
"Yeah. I was going for a walk," added Vanessa.
Koopa studied her before laughing heartily.
"And you even stopped by to sample some of my sparkling grape juice," he chuckled. "You know, I really can't blame you for wanting to visit Peach. You really care about her."
"Yes, I do," Vanessa said levelly.
"So do I," said Koopa. "You and I aren't so different, are we?"
"I'm nothing like you," Vanessa shot back. "At least I know that 'no' means 'no'."
Koopa held up his hands placatingly. "Whatever you say," he said. "I was just observing that we both care for Peach, that's all."
"You have an unorthodox way of showing it," opined Theo.
"But I do care for her. Deeply," said Koopa. He cleared his throat. "However, Vanessa here did trespass on private property. I'll let this infraction slide for now, but be warned—it'll be the only time I'll do so."
Theo stormed up to the Koopa King, grabbed him by his spiked collar and pulled him close.
"Touch my wife," he warned in a low voice, "and you're dead."
He let go of Koopa and quickly herded his family back to their cabin, leaving the overgrown reptile stunned—a very rare occurrence.
1.1.1
The airship reached Koopa Castle with no further incident. Vince, Manny, Shane and Stu were waiting at the entrance as the airship docked and discharged her passengers, and they were joined by a slew of Koopa's other minions, led by Kamek and Kammy.
"Hey, guys," said Stu. "How was the trip?"
"Relaxing," replied Falco.
"Breakfast is almost ready," said Kamek. "Take all the time you need to unpack your stuff."
The Bennigan Brothers and assembled minions helped the guests settle into their rooms. After that, everyone took the opportunity to freshen up, relax and prepare for the day ahead.
Falco booted up his laptop and logged onto the fan club website, telling everyone that he'd be busy most of the day and thus wouldn't have time to respond to any activity on the chat or the discussion forums. H.G. assured him that they all understood perfectly, telling him to reply on his own time. After that, Falco sent a similar message to Gadd, asking him to hold off on any calls or texts until at least the next day. Gadd wished him well.
So far, there were still no updates on the Mario Bros' progress, leading all to wonder what underhanded stunt their host had decided to pull this time around.
When Kamek announced that breakfast was ready to be served, the guests filed into the dining room and took their seats at a circular table. Koopa Troopas brought out massive platters piled high with cheesy scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, hash browns and biscuits. Shy Guys brought out equally massive pitchers of milk and several juices, followed by massive baskets holding warm pastries. Finally, there were several pots of coffee and hot water, along with assorted teas and packets of hot chocolate and cider.
Just as the last of the food was set out, Koopa entered the dining room, with Peach beside him. All of the guests rose at the King's approach, to which he smiled.
"Please, sit," he said, "and enjoy."
His guests obliged, serving themselves, saying grace and digging in.
The Koopa King now wore a red-violet royal cape with a black trim, held in place with a ruby brooch. A silver crown dotted with rubies was on his head. Seated to his left, Peach was dressed in a strapless, dark purple gown with sparkling gold accents, her hair in two medium-length braids tied with gold ribbons. A necklace with an emerald gem the size of a child's hand was clasped around her neck, she wore an emerald bracelet on her dominant wrist and a sports watch on her other wrist.
"Before we forget," said Kamek as they ate. "Kammy and I have some news we'd like to share with you all."
Everyone listened in anticipation.
Kamek and Kammy exchanged a look, and then the latter flashed a sparkling ring on her finger.
"Shazam!" she cried.
The dining room erupted in cheers.
"No way!" exclaimed Kyle.
"Congratulations, you two!" trilled Marth.
"It's about time my top advisor has some happiness in his life," smiled Koopa.
"C'mon—tell us the deets," said Dark Pit.
"It was amazing," said Kammy. "Kamek brought me onto the castle roof one night, and it was clear and starry, not a cloud in sight. We shared a large plate of cooked sushi rolls and talked about life. Then, a formation of Magikoopas flew overhead and skywrote 'MARRY ME KAMMY' with their rainbow trails. Just as I caught my breath from that, four Hammer Bros brought out a pyramid of sushi rolls, and hidden in that pyramid was this." She indicated the ring. "We finished the night with a special performance by the Dark Land National Ballet, accompanied by the Dark Land Philharmonic Orchestra, which was dedicated to our love."
"D'aawww…" everyone cooed.
"How did Koopa react?" asked Sakurai. "Initially?"
"When Kamek told me that he was gonna propose, I was a bit floored," said Koopa, "but I recovered quickly and even helped him plan the entire shebang."
"When's the big day?" asked Vanessa.
"We haven't decided yet," said Kamek, "but we're planning on a summer wedding in a coastal seaside town. Rico Harbor, maybe. And then we'll honeymoon in Gelato Beach."
"Wow," breathed Rolf. "We're happy for you, man."
"Thanks," said Kamek. "I hope this is the start of many more adventures with her." He gazed lovingly at Kammy, who gazed back.
"Well—two advisors is better than one," grinned Koopa. "Welcome to the family, Kammy. Officially."
"Thank you, Your Grace," said Kammy.
Kammy and Kamek kissed, to applause from everyone at the table.
"I hate to change the subject," said Koopa, "but I suppose you all are wondering why you haven't heard anything from those plumbers."
"Er—well, now that you've mentioned it…" Dark Pit started to say.
"Don't be bashful," Koopa broke in, "I know that you're rooting for them despite all that's happened. Anyway, allow me to fill in the gaps for you. Kamek and Kammy demonstrated just what a wonderful team they make by offering those two a little surprise in World 5."
"Surprise?" echoed Marth.
"I like to spice things up for them from time to time," Koopa explained. "If it was the same-old, same-old, then it would get boring, and I don't want that. Anyway, when those pesky plumbers started into World 5, Kammy and Kamek disabled their phone signals, and as far as I'm concerned, Wi-Fi is nowhere to be seen. And not only that—but also these lovely Magikoopas went the extra mile—and separated them."
Stunned silence.
"Oh, my God," breathed Peach. "You didn't."
"I didn't," smirked Koopa. "They did."
Kamek and Kammy flushed with accomplishment as Peach seared them with a glare.
"We gotta keep them on their toes," said Koopa. "Otherwise, they'll be able to foil my plans before I even start enacting them."
"Wait a minute—then that means—they've been separated and wandering blindly through World 5 for at least six hours!" Chad balked. "What the Hell, man?!"
"Yeah, what if something really bad happens?" Falco joined in.
Sakurai turned a little pale. "I have a beef with Luigi," he said, "but I don't want him dead."
"Guys, relax," Koopa said disarmingly. "They're only dealing with a large, gloomy and haunted area. No biggie."
"No biggie?" spluttered Vince. "A large, haunted area is definitely a biggie. Last I checked, Luigi doesn't bring his secret weapon with him during these types of missions."
"It's like—you stuck him in Dracula's Castle without any Holy Water or a whip with a spiked ball attached to it!" added Shane. Off of everyone's looks, he put in, "What? I play Castlevania sometimes."
"When it comes to his beloved brother, no ghost will trump Luigi," Koopa assured everyone. "They'll be fine."
Kyle shook his head. "You are so in for it when they reunite and storm this place," he warned.
"I was just about to say that," said Peach.
"Okay—let's all keep calm," said Marth. "Maybe they'll update us when their wireless signal is restored."
"Hope so," said Roy.
"You know what?" Manny spoke up. "As long as we're not caught in the crossfire, you can do what the Hell you want."
Koopa broke into laughter. "Caught in the crossfire? Every time you walk into my castle, you always take that risk. There were a couple of near-misses, and so far, you've all emerged unscathed."
That's because we were lucky, Mewtwo put in. When Mario and Luigi get here, they'll be hot and pumped and ready to kick all kinds of [bleep]. And then they'll see us and remember that we partook in a plot to nerf Luigi's down throw because we couldn't stand losing to him.
"I won't let them beat you up, if that's what you're worried about," eyerolled Koopa. "Besides, you guys are Smashers. I've seen you more than hold your own against them. Well, against Mario, at least. We were too busy fuming and raging over Luigi's combos to try and eke out a strategy."
A beat passed.
"Speaking of keeping people on their toes," purred Koopa, turning toward Peach, "you have certainly kept me on mine during this go-round. I'm glad I set my sights on you, Peachy. You're definitely smarter and more clever than you look. I always knew you wouldn't wait around for your Mario to rescue you. But planting a bottle of alcohol on the guards outside my cabin to make them look like incompetent failures? Oh, man! I'm still fanboying over it!" He let out a rumbling laugh.
"I shouldn't leave out the fact that you had some help," he continued when he composed himself. "Vanessa is surely no damsel in distress. Those two guards have matching bruises on their necks to show for that. I mean, if you care for Peach that much, then after breakfast, we can go outside and face each other one-on-one. Save the Bros some trouble. If you win, I'll let you leave with Peach. If I win…" He trailed off.
"As much as I'd like to kick your [bleep," said Vanessa, "I have two kids to think about."
Theo simply glared daggers at Koopa as he laid a reassuring hand over Vanessa's.
"About your, uh, your new friends," Chad spoke up. "When are they coming over?"
"Sometime this afternoon," Koopa replied. "Around one o'clock—3p.m. at the very latest. That'll give us some time to digest this nice food and—get ready. With the Bros currently distracted, I doubt we'll have to worry about them butting in."
"Will they be staying overnight, as well?" asked Sakurai.
"No, they'll be departing somewhere in the evening," Koopa replied. To Peach, he said, "I'm sorry to say that you won't be meeting them just yet. But don't worry, you'll make their acquaintance soon."
Peach smiled thinly. "Looking forward to it," she said.
"I know you are," cooed Koopa.
Peach narrowed her eyes. "If anything happens to one brother or the other," she warned, "then God help you."
"Amen," said Marth.
"They'll forgive me," Koopa said optimistically. "Eventually."
His guests weren't so sure, however. But that was a matter for another time.
1.1.1
While waiting for Koopa's new friends to show up, the guests sent texts to the Bros every hour on the hour, hoping in vain for a reply. As morning turned into afternoon and a light lunch was served, they all couldn't help but think that Koopa meant business this time around. After 30 years of defeats, he was no doubt driven stir-crazy and wanted to take things to the next level. And was this related to these "friends"? There was no question in their minds that the answer was "yes".
It was 1p.m. on the dot when Koopa summoned everyone into the castle's Grand Hall. And standing there with him were four professionally-dressed rabbits.
"Hello, everyone," said Koopa. "I'd like you to meet—the Broodals."
The Broodals smiled courteously at the guests.
"Wait a sec," said Vince. "I remember—you told my brothers and I a little about them!"
"The Broodals have offered to assist me with a very important project," said Koopa. "My magnum opus, if you will. They're professional, they're affordable and they get the job done."
"That's right!" The Broodals said in unison.
The orange-and-yellow clad Broodal stepped forward. "Good afternoon," he said. "My name's Rango. It's nice to meet you all."
Koopa's guests shook Rango's paw.
"Greetings," said the royal blue-clad Broodal. "I'm Spewart." He also held out a paw to shake.
"Hey," said the Broodal wearing green. "Call me Topper."
"Hi," said the last Broodal, who was clad in purple. "I'm their sister, Harriet."
The Smashers, the Bennigan Brothers, Vanessa and her family and Mr. Sakurai shook hands with the Broodals, also introducing themselves.
"How did you come across Koopa, if you don't mind my asking?" asked Falco.
"Let's just say that he came to us," Harriet said slyly. "He told us that he had a major endeavor in the works that would give us a major payday. After he told us his story, we agreed to take on his project."
"Project?" frowned Vanessa. "What kind of project?"
Spewart passed out copies of a brochure. "My brothers, my sister and I are certified wedding planners," he explained, "and we hate to brag, but we're the best of the best—of the best. We also genuinely enjoy our job of giving couples the wedding of their dreams. Their satisfaction is our specialty—or they'll get their money back."
Dorf had a huge smile on his face.
"Wedding planners?" echoed Chase. "Hey—you guys must be planning Kamek and Kammy's wedding!"
"Nope," said Koopa. "They're planning mine."
"No way! You're getting married?" Dark Pit exclaimed. "Who's the lucky lady?"
"Who do you think?" winked Koopa.
It only took seconds for it to sink in.
"I knew it!" thundered Vanessa. "I freaking knew it! You're gonna force her to marry you again!"
"Calm down, Vanessa," chuckled Koopa. "I'm not doing that right this second. A royal wedding like this takes years of intricate planning." He pulled out a thick folder and set it on the table. "Observe—my plans for an odyssey like no other."
The folder was passed from guest to guest, allowing everyone to look through it.
"Wow," said Chad. "You're—you're pretty intricate."
"It'll be two years, give or take, before I'm ready to put on this royal wedding," said Koopa. "And—you all are cordially invited."
"Well," said Falco. "We're touched."
"He told me already," said Dorf. "I'm gonna be his best man."
"And my bros and I will be his groomsmen," added Vince.
"Theo—would you like to be a groomsman, as well?" asked Koopa.
"Come back to me," Theo responded.
"Fair enough," grumbled Koopa. "Vanessa—would you like to be there for Peach on her special day as her matron of honor?"
"Yes," replied Vanessa. "I would. Provided that my book club is invited, as well."
"Done," said Koopa.
"Then I'll be your groomsman," said Theo.
"And Vanessa—maybe a few members of your book club can serve as bridesmaids?" offered Koopa.
"I'll talk to them," said Vanessa.
"Anna—would you like to be the flower girl?"
"Can Ethan be the ring bearer?" asked Anna.
"Sure," replied Koopa. "He'll need some help, though."
"Then I guess you've got yourself a flower girl!"
"What about the Koopalings?" asked Roy.
"I already sent word to them, and they're ecstatic," smiled Koopa. "They'll finally have someone to call 'Mama'. Especially BJ. I'd want him to be the ring bearer, but if things go wrong, I don't want him in the middle of it. Ethan—one of your friends will have to help you with that ring. You'll find out why in a second."
"Okay."
"Rest assured, all of you will receive the VIP treatment at the ceremony and the reception," said Koopa. "The Broodals will be happy to take care of you."
"That folder you've passed around to your guests," said Rango. "I take it those are the wedding plans?"
"They are," said Koopa.
"Then we'll need to see that folder," said Harriet.
"Here you go," said Stu, handing the folder to the Broodals.
The Broodals sat together, looking over the folder's contents.
"Wow," breathed Topper. "You're really organized. Better than any client we've come across. And you really know what you want. You're specific and to the point. That makes our job easier."
Harriet pulled out a binder and flipped through the laminated pages. "Okay," she said. "Based on the info you've given us, we think that—this package is the right one for you." She showed the binder page to Koopa. "It's one of our most popular packages, but as always, the final decision is up to you. If this is a royal wedding, then no expense should be spared."
"You're right," said Koopa, "because I intend to marry a very special lady. As such, I want to make this special for her as well as for me."
"Is the bride here?" asked Harriet.
"She is."
"May I talk to her for a moment?" asked Harriet.
"Yes, you may. Just—don't tell her about the wedding. I want it to be a surprise. Tell her—tell her that you're one of my dressmakers or something."
"I can certainly do that," smiled Harriet.
A green-shelled Koopa Troopa led Harriet to Peach's room.
"All right," said Spewart. "Are you planning on holding a bachelor party?"
"Definitely," replied Koopa.
"Where will you hold it?" asked Rango.
"On one of my airships," said Koopa. "The bachelorette party will also be held on an airship."
"We'll get in touch with the best caterers in the Dark Lands," said Spewart.
"Now let's talk about wardrobe," said Topper. "This is the woman of your dreams we're talking about, and you stated that ordinary tuxedoes and dresses just won't cut it. When Harriet's done with the lucky gal, we're gonna have to measure you, as well as your wedding party. And if the guests wanna be measured, too, then we'll certainly make that happen."
"All right," said Koopa. "You know of the Lochlady Dress, yes? A splendid gown made of the finest silk."
"Don't worry," smiled Rango. "We'll get you the Lochlady Dress. What about your outfit?"
"I'll have it custom-made," replied Koopa, "along with the clothes for the rest of my wedding party."
"Will you be wearing different outfits for the reception?" asked Topper.
"I think—that would be best," said Koopa.
"Will there be a specific seating chart for the ceremony and reception?" asked Spewart.
"Nah. My guests can sit wherever. My bride and I will be seated together, of course, along with the best man, matron of honor, bridesmaids and groomsmen. But other than that, I'm not a stickler for seating arrangements."
"How about rings and accessories?" asked Rango.
"The Binding Band," said Koopa. "It's supposed to join couples together for all eternity. You'll be traveling to a lot of wondrous places to help make this wedding happen."
"Sounds like an adventure to me!" grinned Spewart.
"As for me, I'm planning on wearing a top hat with my suit," Koopa went on, "and my bride—I wanna give her a lovely tiara. But not just any tiara—one of these tiaras." He tapped a finger on a document inside the folder.
"Rest assured, we'll take care of that for you," said Topper. "What about the food?"
"I'm thinking about bringing some of that famous Stupendous Stew," said Koopa. "If they want, some of the guests can chip in and bring their own food, as well. I don't know the effect that stew will have on children's pallets. In addition, I'll order some puff pastries, cocktail wieners—browse online for the perfect wedding feast. And to drink—I hope you can get me some of that Sparkle Water, which I'll use to hand-craft my own sparkling beverages."
"We'll get you the stew and the Sparkle water," said Rango. "Security, unfortunately, will be extra."
"Never fear. My own minions will provide the security," said Koopa.
"But if you want spa attendants, hairstylists, manicurists, pedicurists, masseuses, the works—that's included in the package," said Topper.
"I'll take it."
They glanced up as Harriet came back.
"All right," she said. "I have her measurements." She handed her brothers a piece of paper. "She was also nice enough to tell me her likes and dislikes, and when I asked her, hypothetically of course, what her perfect wedding would be like, she happily told me. Here, I took some notes." She gave her brothers another piece of paper. "Did I miss anything?"
"Not at all, Sis," said Topper. "We've already decided on the wardrobe, the food and beverages, the security, the accessories and whether or not there'll be a seating arrangement. All that's left is the venue, the transportation and who will be in the wedding party."
"I'll provide the transportation," said Koopa. "My airships, of course. However, I'd like you to help me decorate them for the occasion."
"Sure," said Harriet.
"As for the wedding party," said Rango, "let's start with the groom's side."
"Okay, here we go. So, Dorf is my best man, and Vincent, Manny, Shane, Stuart and Theo are my groomsmen. Uh—is there anyone else who wants to be a groomsman?"
"We'll pass," said Falco. "Thanks, though."
The Broodals took notes as Koopa spoke.
"And the bride's side?" asked Harriet.
"Vanessa is the matron of honor, and she wants a few members of her book club to serve as bridesmaids."
"All right."
"And I'll also provide the entertainment for the reception, the organist for the ceremony, and the minister who will officiate," said Koopa.
"What about the venue?" asked Spewart. "Will it be here, in the castle?"
"Oh, no," said Koopa. "That'll be too predictable. The venue I have in mind is outlined in the folder I gave you."
"I see," said Harriet, gazing at the folder. "Honeylune Ridge. Their entire revenue is generated from weddings. My brothers and I will have to coordinate with them."
"Like I said, this type of odyssey takes time—and money," said Koopa, "but I'm determined to hold this royal wedding in at least two years' time."
The Broodals finished taking notes.
"All right," said Topper. "I'd like to ask the bride's and groom's parties to form two separate lines for us, please."
They obliged.
"Any wedding guests who'd also like to be fitted, please, form another line," added Rango.
The rest of the guests obliged.
"All right," Harriet said to her brothers. "I'll take the ladies, and you three can take the guys. Sounds like a deal?"
"Sounds good," nodded Spewart. "Let's get to work!"
For the next hour or so, the Broodals worked with the wedding party and wedding guests. After being brought to a quiet room, each guest stripped to their undergarments, allowing one of the Broodals to gather more precise measurements. The wedding planners were very respectful and professional, and they made the measuring process as painless as possible. Once the measuring was done, the guests re-dressed, and then the Broodals asked them what type of dress or outfit they'd like and what color it should be.
"I'll have to take that up with my book club," Vanessa told Harriet, "but I'm leaning toward a light-green color."
The Broodals jotted down more notes based on the guests' responses.
However, in the middle of these one-on-one sessions, the guests' phones vibrated. Trying not to be too optimistic, those still waiting their turn fished out their cell phones and checked their messages. Then, they all whooped and laughed in delight.
Koopa grimaced. "That doesn't sound good," he mused.
And it wasn't—at least for him. Kamek and Kammy flew in with urgent news—the Mario Bros had managed to reunite, and they'd just finished laying the smackdown on the World 5 boss! To make things worse (again, for him), the duo had uncovered a Warp Zone, taking them to a pipe leading directly to the Dark Lands!
"Do you have an ETA for them?" Koopa asked warily.
"Right now, we're guessing—6 to 9 hours," replied Kammy.
"69 hours?!" bellowed Koopa.
"No, no, no," clarified Kamek. "6 to 9 hours."
"If we're lucky," Kammy put in.
"Lucky," grumbled Koopa. "Thanks for the update, you two. Hopefully, the Broodals will be finished before those plumbers get here."
"We'd better get ready," said Kamek, and then he and Kammy flew off to warn the rest of the castle.
Those who were currently meeting with the Broodals paused the conversation to take a peek at their phones, smiling when they saw the good news. After the interview was finished, they wasted no time texting the Mario Bros back, asking if they were all right. Albeit they responded in the affirmative, the castle guests weren't so sure, and since Luigi had to traverse through a haunted area by himself, he would no doubt be shaken up.
It was another 30 to 45 minutes before the Broodals finished measuring and interviewing everyone.
"You're the kind of wedding party we like," Harriet said brightly. "We look forward to doing business with you."
"Likewise," said Koopa.
"Here is your preliminary bill estimate," said Rango, giving Koopa a slip of paper.
Koopa pursed his lips. "All right," he said, whipping out his checkbook and quickly writing out a check. "Here's half of it. A good faith payment. You'll get the other half when me and my beautiful bride are Mr. and Mrs. Or rather—King and Queen of the Koopas."
"Thanks," said Topper as he and his siblings accepted the check.
"I am honored to share this important moment of my life with you," said Koopa. Turning to his guests, he added, "and with you—the best friends I've ever had."
"This is something you've looked forward to," nodded Dorf. "We're honored to be a part of it."
The Broodals once again shook hands with their new clients and gathered their things.
"We'll be in touch," said Harriet.
"The best of luck to you," added Spewart.
"Bye, guys," said Marth. "It was lovely meeting you."
"It was lovely meeting you, too," smiled Topper.
Koopa and his guests waved goodbye to the Broodals as they took their leave.
"Well," said Koopa once the Broodals departed, turning to his guests. "Those pesky plumbers managed to surmount Kamek and Kammy's little surprise for them, and they're now fighting through the Dark Lands. They're expected to arrive at this castle in 6 hours at the earliest and 9 hours at the latest. Let's make the most out of these 6 to 9 hours, shall we?"
His guests couldn't have agreed more.
1.1.1
Everyone spent the next few hours at their own leisure, from watching movies in Koopa's home theater, to having fun in his arcade, to taking advantage of his gym and spa and to playing various board games. All of them used the castle's Wi-Fi to stay in touch with friends in the Smash Mansion or elsewhere. And now that the Mario Bros were reunited, and their cellular and Wi-Fi service was restored, they could heave a big sigh of relief, knowing that Peach was only a few short hours away from rescue.
But the question remained—should they tell those two about this royal wedding?
The Bros were an estimated 4.5 to 7.5 hours away from the castle when Koopa summoned his guests to the dining hall, where a magnificent feast was prepared for them. Salmon, roast chicken, prime rib, casserole, baked potato with all the fixings, rice, sweet potatoes and more—and there was a salad bar to start the whole affair. Happily, the guests gathered around the table and ate their fill, and the Koopa King dined with them, glad over how the day's events turned out so far.
Peach, seated with them, appeared to be in a better mood than earlier, and maybe that was because her heroes had fought their way through this latest obstacle. She was now attired in a simple, fire-orange cocktail dress, her hair hanging freely in loose curls and held in place by an orange headband. As she ate, she was more likely to partake in conversation with her companions, but she remained sweetly cool toward her captor. If only she knew of Koopa's plans to once again force a ring onto her finger, and not just any ring—the Binding Band!
But throughout the meal, the guests noticed a restless air beginning to creep across the Mushroom Princess. The heat rose to her face. She gripped her cutlery so tightly her knuckles went white. She bit her lip to the point she drew blood. By the time dessert—chocolate lava cake with a variety of ice creams to top it with—came out, everyone could sense that Peach was about to go mad, and that she wasn't about to wait an extended amount of time for her favorite pair of blue-collar workers to rescue her. Of those invited to the castle, Vanessa and her family noticed this the most, and once the last of the dessert had been consumed, they decided that it was time to do something about it.
"Your Vileness," announced Kamek. "Mario and Luigi are 90 minutes out!"
"Thank you, Kamek," said Koopa. "Attention, guests—now would be a good time to retire to your overnight accommodations. When those plumbers and I go at it, we go at it hard. This is different from the Smash tournament; there are no rules when it comes to our confrontations. And anything that can happen—probably will happen."
"You can say that again," mused Roy.
Koopa smiled at Peach and offered his arm. "Shall we?" he asked.
Internally bursting with joy and a myriad of other emotions, Peach slipped her arm through her captor's, and the two of them walked toward the King's vast bedroom. Vanessa craned her neck, observing the retreating monarchs, before herding Ethan, Anna and Theo to their own room.
About half an hour later, Vanessa opened her door a crack, watching Koopa stroll out of his room with a relax and sated expression on his face, whistling a tune. Once he disappeared downstairs, Vanessa gave her family a thumbs-up, exited her room and crept down the hallway toward Koopa's bedchambers. In the distance, she could hear various minions preparing for their last stand, but she ignored them, focusing wholly on her mission.
When she reached the King's bedchambers, her ears caught the sound of Peach gasping, panting and sighing, interspersed with occasional moans. A blush encompassed Vanessa's face; she knew exactly what Peach was doing. She'd do the same thing sometimes, once the kids were dropped off at school, the hubby was at work and the morning's chores were done and she had some "me" time before it started up again. Or, she'd do it after having to reprimand and/or discipline one or both of the kids, or after a rare quarrel with Theo or generally after a particularly stressful day. When she heard a distinctive "hum" join the sounds within, she knew that Peach was also using a—device—to aid her.
Deciding not to interrupt Peach's private moment, Vanessa retreated to her room, where she and her family watched this TV program and that TV program to calm their nerves and psych themselves up.
When they heard Kamek flying around the castle, warning that the Mario Bros were now 45 minutes out, Vanessa decided to try again. Arming herself with a penlight, she started toward Koopa's bedchambers once again, knocking twice on the doors of her fellow guests and slipping pieces of paper to them along the way. At her destination, all was quiet and still, save for Peach's breathing. Taking her chances, Vanessa tapped on the door.
"Peach, it's Vanessa," she whispered. "May I come in?"
The door opened, Peach's head and shoulders poking out. Putting a finger to her lips, the Princess invited Vanessa inside.
Vanessa slipped into the room, closing the door after her. She saw that Peach was fully nude, save for a pair of pink socks with hearts on them, modestly covering herself with her hands. Her breathing was a bit labored, and her skin was flushed to a lovely pink hue, sparkling with a fine layer of sweat. Her hair was in a loose ponytail, a curl or two threatening to bob in her face. But she still looked as elegant as ever.
"Sorry about this," said Peach, indicating her state of dishabille. "I was just about to take a shower when you knocked."
"That's okay," said Vanessa.
"Well, this is it," said Peach. "In forty-five minutes, my two boys will be here, and I'll be either on my way back to my castle or doomed to spend the rest of my days as a tyrant's Queen. Truth is, I really can't wait 45 more minutes."
"Or else I wouldn't be here," said Vanessa. "Maybe I can help."
"You'd risk your life for me?" asked Peach.
"Yes. And so would Theo and the kids. We talked it over beforehand."
Peach smiled and sat on the bed, substituting her hands with a pillow. "Usually, when there's less than an hour left, that turtle retreats to collect his thoughts," she said. "After the ten-minute warning is given, he has me put on my pink gown, and then he takes me to the usual battle area and places me in the cage. We—we talk a little before they arrive. And then I just sit back, relax and enjoy the show."
"Aren't you worried that—he'll beat them?" asked Vanessa.
"I'm always worried that he'll beat them," said Peach. "The trick is—not to let it get to me. I need to retain a positive outlook and give them strength. I'm not like the distressed damsels in movies or TV, all screaming and hysterical. If I panic, then what good will that do? I need to give my two boys something to fight for."
"Your two boys? Is that like—your pet name for them?" asked Vanessa.
"30 years of rescues, parties, kart races, sporting events and all sorts of other adventures tend to push people closer and closer," mused Peach. "Mario and I have fallen deeply in love, and Luigi—he's like my brother-in-law, even more so that he's seeing my closest friend. But collectively, Mario and Luigi are my heroes, my boys—and I'll live and die for them. I even saved them, remember?"
Vanessa nodded.
"All right—I'd better get that shower going," said Peach, rising from the bed and setting the pillow aside.
She stripped off her socks and padded into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her. Vanessa heard the shower's quiet spray and Peach cheerfully humming a tune, and then, an idea came to her.
"I'll be back in a minute," she called.
"Okay," Peach called back.
She stepped back into the corridor, checked to see if the coast was clear and dashed through the castle towards the armory. En route, she uncovered the property room, where she surmised Peach's frying pan, golf club, tennis racket and Parasol would be stashed.
"Hey, Vanessa," said the property room's supervisor. "What can I do for you?"
"Hi," Vanessa said brightly as she strolled up. "Look at my thumb."
The supervisor obliged. Vanessa threw a whistling right to the supervisor's jaw, feeling the impact down to her toes. The super dropped instantly, and Vanessa scurried inside, gathered Peach's things and was out of there inside of 45 seconds.
"Gee, you're dumb," she muttered to the downed super as she left.
Her next stop was the armory, where she grabbed weapons like rapiers, maces, hammers and nightsticks. Once she'd gotten the stuff she wanted, she retraced her steps back to Koopa's bedchambers.
By the time she returned, Peach had finished with her shower, and she was now clad in a simple, form-fitting, knee-length, spaghetti-strap pink dress. The Princess glanced up and smiled at Vanessa as she brushed her hair and swept it up into a sleek, athletic ponytail.
"I have your stuff," said Vanessa, giving Peach her frying pan, Parasol, golf club and tennis racket.
"Thanks," said Peach as she tucked her items away.
"And—I grabbed us some more weapons from the armory," added Vanessa.
She spread the weapons on the bed, the two women carefully making their selections.
"My sports equipment and Parasol can hold me over," said Peach. "Not to mention my Peach Bomber. But just in case, yeah?"
"Just in case," nodded Vanessa.
"One last question before we go," said Peach as she slid a pair of comfy socks onto her feet and then laced up in a pair of equally comfy sneakers. "Do you like Lynyrd Skynyrd?"
"I like—some of their songs," replied Vanessa. "Why?"
"Because now," smiled Peach, "I'm feeling like a free bird."
Vanessa shared her smile as the duo quietly slipped out of the King's bedchambers.
"Here," whispered Peach as she gave Vanessa a pair of her high-heeled shoes. "You might need these, too."
"All right," said Vanessa. "We'll fight our way out of this castle, and then we'll go from there."
"I know a shortcut," said Peach. "Follow me."
Bravely, Peach led Vanessa down the castle hallways. However, Vanessa wasn't about to let her take point, walking beside her with those high-heeled shoes at the ready.
"How do you know about this shortcut?" asked Vanessa.
"I've tried to escape numerous times, remember?" winked Peach.
"Well—this time, you've got help," said Vanessa.
"And I appreciate that," Peach said softly.
They walked a considerable distance without incident. Then—
"Oh, boy," said Vanessa as she and Peach slowed to a stop. "Here comes trouble."
A large crowd of Koopa Troopas and Hammer Bros stood before them, feet shoulder-width apart, arms folded across their chests.
"Excuse me, ladies," said a Red Shell, "but just where do you think you're going?"
Vanessa brandished her improvised weapons. "Princess Peach is my best friend, and I'm busting her out of here," she determinedly replied.
The army of minions laughed.
"You won't even make it past half of us," chortled a Green Shell.
"Try me," retorted Vanessa.
"Don't worry, Vanessa," Peach said coolly. "I got your back."
As the minions snapped into their fighting stances, the Mushroom Princess launched herself forward with her Peach Bomber attack, knocking back enemies by the scores.
"All right! Let's play!" shouted a Hammer Bro, the rest of the minions charging forward.
With a battle cry, Peach and Vanessa raced into battle, easily knocking attackers away. While the latter used the high-heeled shoes as dual clubs, the former made good use of her Parasol, frying pan and various sports equipment, also plucking turnips and the occasional Bob-omb from the ground and flinging it at the minions. Both women also fought with punches, kicks and elbow strikes, stunning the Koopa Troopas and hurling their shells like Frisbees into hordes of enemies, knocking them down like bowling pins. They cleaved their way through all of their opponents without breaking a sweat and continued on their way, only to encounter more Hammer Bros, accompanied by Charging Chucks and Lakitus.
"Bring it on!" the women shouted in tandem.
Meanwhile, Koopa was distracted by the sounds of the raging battle.
"What in the name of…?" he grumbled, stepping outside to investigate.
"Your Grace!" shouted a Mushroom Defector, running over. "The Princess—she's escaping! And Vanessa's helping her!"
Koopa unleashed a mighty roar. "Let's do something about it, then!" he thundered.
Elsewhere, the other guests stepped out of their rooms and watched Vanessa and Peach fighting their way toward the exit, the latter having tossed the former her golf club as tougher enemies attempted to impede them. As the fight heated up, Peach began utilizing more of her Smash skills, not hesitating to fight pragmatically when the need arose. Nobody would stand between her and sweet freedom—nobody! While not a Smasher, Vanessa more than held her own, using the high heels, the golf club, her fists, her feet, her purse—and even her keys as makeshift knuckle dusters! Everyone else gawked at them for a full minute, and then Marth galvanized them into action.
"There's our opportunity!" he cried, unsheathing Falchion. "Let's take it!"
"I'm with you there!" shouted Roy, drawing the Sword of Seals. "Charge!"
With that, most of the remaining guests, led by the Smashers, surged forward to help Peach and Vanessa. Marth utilized his Dancing Blade, Tipper, Counter and his other sword skills, and Roy fought alongside him with fire-infused attacks. Dark Pit attacked primarily with his Dual Blades, but he also battled the incoming minions with his archery skills, Electro-shock Boosters and his shields. Chad lashed out with swift martial arts moves and weaponized anything he could get his hands on, while Rolf and Kyle used their skills as a Mii Gunner and a Mii Swordfighter, respectively. Chase brought his signature Mii Brawler style to the table. Mewtwo used his Shadow Balls, teleportation, Confusion and other telekinetic attacks, to super effect, while Falco fought with kicks and wing strikes, firing off long-ranged shots from his Blaster, kicking out his Reflector to defend his fellow guests and using his Fire Bird and Falco Phantasm to plow through adversaries right and left.
Those who weren't Smashers didn't let that fact stop them from giving this fight their all. Vince, Manny, Shane and Stuart fought as a unit, holding off Koopa's minions with punches, kicks, shoulder charges, knee and elbow strikes, karate chops and even a headbutt or two. They knocked Koopa Troopas out of their shells before punting those shells at their enemies. And when the minions turned up the heat, the four brothers armed themselves with weapons like poles, two-by-fours, swords and spears. Theo used common household products, like his spray-on deodorant, shaving cream and cologne, along with punches and kicks, to help Vanessa, while Anna and Ethan bashed enemies with their lunchboxes and backpacks and found all sorts of projectiles to throw. Even Sakurai found things to improvise as weapons, such as his briefcase.
The fierce battle was interrupted by a resounding roar.
Koopa had arrived on the scene, and he was none-too-happy.
"Are you serious?!" he interjected. "You could've at least waited for those pesky plumbers to show up!"
"Sorry, man," said Chase. "While we had our issues with Luigi, we'll always come down on the right side, and as long as the Super Mario Bros are alive, you know good and d—n well which side that is."
Koopa's eyes swept over the people standing against him, and then he smirked. "So be it," he said.
Signaling his minions to stand down, Koopa strode forward. "Ethan—Anna—go find a shady spot," he said.
Vanessa nodded to Theo and the kids. "Go," she said quietly. "I can handle him."
Giving Koopa a warning look, Theo hastened Anna and Ethan to safety.
And then the battle resumed.
Both sides attacked with everything they had. The fearsome Koopa King belched fire, slashed and swiped with his claws, spun around in his shell, ground-pounded and performed his signature Flying Slam attack. Marth, Roy, Kyle and Dark Pit expertly countered with their swords, Rolf and Falco relied mainly on gunplay and the rest fought hand-to-hand or with improvised weapons. Peach, usually the one requiring rescue in this situation, was in the thick of the fighting, leading with her Peach Bomber, her Parasol and her turnips and following up with strikes from her frying pan and tennis racket, mixed in with stinging slaps, kicks and punches. Next to her, Vanessa fought with equal ferocity, using the golf club Peach gave her, what she grabbed from the armory and the skills she'd learned from the self-defense classes she frequently took. Koopa gave just as much as he took, of course, but it quickly turned into a losing battle on his side as numbers prevailed over his awesome might.
Peach whipped out a perfume bottle and sent a spray of her favorite fragrance directly into her captor's eyes. Vanessa followed suit with her own perfume, and then she smashed her knee hard into his groin. Just to make sure, Peach sent the heel of her hand into the base of Koopa's chin and swung her Parasol with all her strength, landing an impressive blow to his jaw.
Koopa fell to the ground, writhing in pain.
"No fair!" he objected.
"This isn't the Smash tournament," Peach said sweetly as she and Vanessa stepped behind the monstrous turtle and grabbed his tail. "There are no rules here. Anything that can happen—will happen."
Together, the two ladies hoisted their opponent into the air, joined by the other Smashers and then everyone else. They swung Koopa round and round, faster and faster and faster, before letting go on Peach's command. The King was sent flying through the air and crashed hard into a wall before sliding onto the ground, groaning.
"We'll keep him busy, Princess," said Vince. "Just run for the exit! And don't look back!"
"You don't have to tell me twice," said Peach. "C'mon, Vanessa!"
Hand-in-hand, Vanessa and Peach dashed closer and closer to freedom, quickly subduing any minion who tried to stop them. When they reached the castle's double doors, Peach blew them right off their hinges with her Peach Bomber, and then the two ladies sprinted across the drawbridge, leaving Koopa Castle in their wake.
"Wow," breathed Peach. "I've never made it this far before."
They turned as a car horn honked, and Theo drove up to them in a convertible, Ethan and Anna securely buckled in the backseat.
"Hop in," said Theo, flashing a high-wattage smile.
Peach and Vanessa climbed in, finding the vehicle stocked to the brim with Splat Guns.
"Where…?" Peach started to ask.
"The Inkling Kids," Theo explained. "I called in a few favors."
"Now that's what I'm talking about," said Peach, grabbing and priming the first Splat Gun she saw.
Vanessa and the kids also picked their Splat Guns, and Theo had one laying across his lap.
They turned as more minions streamed out of the castle.
"Time to go," said Theo, stepping on the gas and peeling out.
All of the passengers sprang into action, splattering their pursuers with pink, red, green and purple paint. Occasionally, Theo would join the fray with orange paint. The radio was turned up as loud as the car's occupants could bear, and everyone was laughing joyfully in spite of the dangerous situation.
"We should do this more often!" chuckled Ethan as he slid a new cartridge of paint into his Splat Gun.
Soon, Koopa's minions could only yell and shake their fists at the escapees as the car sped further and further away. Once the vehicle was fully out of range, they returned to the castle, hoping to at least aid their King in dealing with the Smashers and other guests.
Unfortunately, they, too, had also decided to take their leave.
"Sorry we won't be staying the night," said Vince as they also borrowed a car to make their escape. "We'll send for our things."
"For what it's worth," added Manny, "we really enjoyed ourselves today."
Koopa let out a huff, but he let them go.
"You were lucky," he grumbled once they were out of earshot.
1.1.1
Theo was guiding the convertible down the road when he and his passengers spotted two familiar plumbers.
"Hey! It's them!" exclaimed Vanessa.
Slowing to a stop, Theo pulled over and honked the horn to get the Bros' attention.
"Evening, you two," he greeted. "Need a ride?"
Mario's eyes widened. "Peachy!" he cried.
"Mario!" Peach joyfully shouted, giving a wave.
"You guys—rescued her?" breathed Luigi.
"Actually, she rescued herself," said Vanessa. "We helped her escape."
"There was an opportunity," added Peach, "and we jumped at it."
"The other Smashers pitched in, too," said Theo.
"Are they still in the castle?" asked Luigi.
"They stayed behind so Peach and I could get away," said Vanessa.
"Then—we gotta help them!" exclaimed Mario.
"Wait," said Theo, whipping out his phone. "I just got a text from them. They just left, and are en route to the Smash Mansion. Koopa allowed them to leave peacefully." He pocketed the phone. "Fancy that."
Peach, Ethan and Anna scooted over to give the Mario Bros room. As soon as the two plumbers were in the car, Mario took Peach in his arms, and they kissed.
Then, Peach and the family of four looked over the two heroes, taking in their battered states.
"Oh, my God," gasped Peach. "You two went through Hell to try and rescue me!"
"When we found out that Kamek and Kammy separated you, we couldn't stop worrying," Theo put in.
"What on Earth happened?" asked Vanessa.
"We'll talk about that later," said Mario. "Okay?"
"We're gonna hold you to that," said Theo as he pulled back onto the main road.
Five minutes later, the Dark Lands were in the rearview mirror, and they all were headed toward familiar pastures.
About 40 minutes after departing the Dark Lands, they came across another car, occupied by Toad retainers.
"Hi, there!" called the driver. "Where are you guys headed? The Smash Mansion or Peach's Castle?"
Theo turned to Peach and her heroes. "Where do you wanna go?"
Mario bit his lip. "The Smash Mansion," he replied.
Theo passed this along to the Toad retainers, and the driver beamed.
"Follow us," said the driver. "We know a better route."
The Toad retainers drove off, and Theo followed closely behind.
It was a pleasant ride back to the Smash Mansion, everyone listening to tunes on the radio as dark and barren gave way to lush and bright. Peach and Mario stared lovingly at each other, stealing kisses from time to time. Ethan and Anna gazed at the scenery around them, the car's motion eventually sending them to sleep. Luigi also reclined in the backseat, watching over his bro and Peach, relieved that everything had turned out all right.
Eventually, Mario snuggled against Peach and dozed off, allowing the latter to call Master Hand and inform him that she and her heroes were on their way. A few texts later, word spread that another crisis had ended and good had once again prevailed. The Toad retainers, excluding the one driving the car, of course, also set to work informing the public of this good fortune. Almost instantly, Peach's phone blew up with texts inquiring as to her well-being, and the Bros' phones were flooded with thank-you texts. The notifications didn't wake Mario, so Luigi responded to them, truthfully explaining what had happened.
"Vanessa," he said.
"Yeah?"
"You, Theo and the kids spared me and my bro a lot of pain and injuries," said Luigi.
"We didn't do it to be heroes," said Vanessa. "We did it because—it was right. Peach was getting restless, and I could sense that she wanted to try and escape. I was just in the right place at the right time, you know?"
"I know," Luigi told her. "You saw a chance to help, and you took it. Respect."
Vanessa blushed.
Mario stirred awake soon after, followed by Anna and Ethan, and they all stopped at the drive-thru of a fast food restaurant before continuing the rest of the way to the Smash Mansion.
Master Hand, Crazy Hand, the rest of the Smashers and quite a few Toads were already lined up when the two cars carrying the Toad retainers and Peach and her heroes glided to a smooth stop in the Smash Mansion's driveway. Thunderous applause greeted them, and Mii valets opened the doors for the second car, allowing Mario to help Peach out. He then gave her his arm, and the two of them walked toward the entrance as Miis, Toads and Smashers alike swarmed the pair, cheering for Mario and giving him handshakes, hugs and celebratory pats on the back.
And Luigi, Theo, Vanessa and the kids? Crickets.
Ethan's mouth was agape as he observed the scene before him. "H—hey! Wait a minute!" he exclaimed.
Luigi stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "Just—don't," he said quietly.
The quintet watched as the crowd sang Mario's praises, following him and Peach into the Smash Mansion. The man in green and the family of four all but forgotten.
Vanessa had made it clear that she didn't help Peach escape for the glory or the fifteen minutes of fame, and neither had Theo. However, at least some acknowledgment would've been nice.
The Smash Mansion's doors closed behind the retreating group, leaving the five seated in the car in silence.
"All's well that ends well, I suppose," Theo said after a while.
Anna nodded. "Best. Family outing. Ever," she opined.
However, Ethan was distraught, more distraught than the day Mario lost to Luigi in a Smash battle. "B—but," he spluttered. "He—he didn't…"
"Ethan…" sighed Vanessa.
Ethan slumped against the backseat. "He didn't do anything," he mumbled.
Luigi regarded the teen with a sad smile. He knew the feeling all too well.
Welcome to the club, he thought.
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