Jade's night was about as restful as she had predicted and, despite her best efforts, she'd managed to wake Beck up several times with her restless movements; even without her brain keeping her up, her shoulder had also been quite painful overnight. If looks could kill inanimate objects, Beck's phone would have been dead as it chimed to signal the start to Beck's day barely an hour after he'd gone back to sleep. Beck groaned quietly as his arm shot out to silence the obnoxiously cheerful music before turning back to face Jade who was looking at him, her expression pensive.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Jade shook her head, brushing him off. Beck reached out and tucked a few strands of her hair back behind her ear that had fallen lose at her movement. He let his hand linger for a moment, aware of both the intimacy of the gesture and how natural it felt now; even more so than when they'd shared a smaller bed in the hospital.

"Did you get any more sleep at all?"

"A little."

Beck raised his eyebrows, scrutinising the white lie he was sure Jade had just told before deciding to let it go. He'd known that the last 24 hours would have been especially disruptive for her. He was hoping that now she was at her father's house, she had a better chance of getting a proper routine in. They'd had a routine in the hospital, but it had been defined mostly by the actions of others, the nursing staff and Lane in particular, whereas here they had more freedom.

"You should go shower." Her words were almost a whisper but managed to cut straight through his thoughts.

"Is that your way of telling me I smell?" Beck challenged teasingly to which Jade's own eyebrows raised.

"Well…"

Beck chuckled though his mock indignation, unable to his happiness at Jade's own attempt at teasing. There was still something missing, the familiar glint in her eye not quite there or a smirk that wasn't quite wide enough, but Beck took hope in the fact it was a step forward. With another, somewhat more dramatic groan, he tossed the covers to one side and rolled haphazardly out of the bed. He paused only to straighten the covers back out before sloping off in the direction of the upstairs bathroom.

Jade watched him go, almost envious that he had somewhere to go for the today, something to occupy his time. After another night of long periods being held hostage to her thoughts, the thought of a day spent doing the same was not remotely appealing. She heard the faint sound of running water as Beck turned the shower on, just on the other side of the living area. The thought of getting out of bed flitted across her mind but was quickly dismissed as something that would require too much energy; she buried deeper into the covers, desperate to feel some comfort in the plush bedding. An all too familiar sliver of disgust ran through her as she yearned for security in the blankets and the weakness it portrayed. Her thoughts took a dark turn as they took her right back to the brink of the staircase, holding her there upon the precipice of the fall but never quite letting her go. She could see it all again in flashes; her bag, the sunlight bouncing of the marble, her mother's snarl. It was like a wave rising up before her, threatening to overwhelm her and there was nothing she could do to stop her.

Beck felt marginally more awake as he stepped out the bathroom, running the towel through his hair one more time. It wasn't his usual styling, but he knew he had enough gel in his locker that he could make the best out of it. As he walked back into the bedroom, he was unsurprised to see Jade was almost exactly where he had left her, if slightly further down in the duvet but it was the glassy look in her eyes that caught his attention; her blank expression meaning only one thing.

"Jade?" His voice was soft, an attempt not to startle her if he managed to get her attention at all.

Jade was back on the cliff face but this time she could hear something other than waves crashing. The greens and blues around her weren't as defined and she couldn't quite tell where the sea ended, and the sky began. She could hear Beck's voice cutting through the howling wind, or was his voice the wind?

Nothing made sense to her anymore.

With a jolt she came back to herself, Beck's face swimming in-front of her, the concerned brown of his eyes searching her face as his hand cupped her cheek. She wanted to say something to him, but it was as though an invisible force was stopping her from moving, stopping her brain from sending the signals to allow the words to leave her mouth. She could see the naked concern on Beck's face, the pain in the back of his eyes as his own mouth opened to speak words she couldn't hear properly. Everything was muffled, as though someone had wrapped her head in cotton.

Beck watched her carefully, desperate for some sign that she was still in there somewhere. In his mind he was already clearing his schedule, he couldn't leave her like this. He wracked his brains to think of everything he'd read in the last week, anxious for something that would help them; help her. In a flash of inspiration, Beck suddenly backed off the bed lurching over to the cracked open window, throwing it wide open before approaching the other side of the bed. With much more care, he peeled the duvet back to Jade's ankles trying to bring about a temperature change; something he'd read could help when someone disassociated. He remembered the example being something about holding something of a specific temperature, but he wasn't about to leave the room to hunt for ice. Instead he perched on the edge of the bed, reaching over to take Jade's good hand in his own and began to stroke it with his thumb.

The first thing Jade was aware of was the hairs on her leg suddenly started to prickle; it took her a moment to realise it was in response to a breeze that had blown in through the wide-open window. She realised Beck was still there but on her other side, and nowhere near a cliff. Wait, the cliff hadn't been real, had it? For the first time, Jade could seemingly remember the cliff and the sea albeit as though it were a vague memory, but the sense that she had been there many times before was prevalent.

The second thing Jade was really aware of was the warmth emanating from her hand and light weight across her stomach that she soon identified as Beck's own hand and arm. She turned her head slightly to look at him and saw relief plastered across his face. This time when she went to speak, the cotton didn't stop her, now fading into the background.

"You look like shit." Beck wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

"You're not looking too hot yourself." While the romantic in Beck knew Jade would always be beautiful in his eyes, objectively she didn't look great with the bags under her eyes betraying her lack of sleep.

A ghost of a smile momentarily flickered over Jade's face at the teasing, the familiarity bringing a temporary easing to her mind.

"You're not supposed to say that." Her voice was still quiet, but Beck grinned at her, basking in the lightness of the exchange before Jade's expression changed again, a faraway look taking over her face.

"What were you thinking of?"

"Her."

Again, Beck had to bite his tongue against the urge to tell her to just forget about her mother knowing it was nowhere near that simple.

"Want to talk about it?"

"No."

He could practically see her withdrawing into herself, so he didn't push any further opting instead to move closer to her, intending to put his arm around her. However, his action was paused when he felt her stiffen next to him, clearly indicating she wasn't in the mood for physical contact. Beck tried not to feel hurt at her response, trying not to take it personally but he was only human after all.

They were silent for a few more minutes before Beck realised the car would be arriving imminently. He still toyed with the idea of staying, not wanting to leave Jade alone but his talk with Lane and thinking of his parents was enough to sway him back to school; just. In truth, he knew he was getting a lot of leeway which they had no obligation to give him at all. Beck was worried if he started trying to push the boundaries, they'd take it all back and he'd get nothing at all. No, for now at least, he had to play to their rules as much as he could, even if he didn't want to.

"Do you want me to get anything for you before I leave?"

Jade shook her head.

"Okay." Beck responded quietly, increasingly disheartened at her sudden reluctance to speak. He persevered as he drew back, moving off the bed to stand.

"I'll be back this afternoon but text me in the meantime if you need anything." At her lack of response, he grew slight frustrated.

"I mean it Jade, anything at all." His voice was almost stern, but his eyes belied his concern.

"Okay." It wasn't much but Beck would take it. He grabbed his bag hearing the faint blast of a horn coming from the front of the house, signalling his ride had arrived.

"I'll see you later." He hovered for one more moment, suddenly unsure in his actions before shoving his uncertainty to one side to place a kiss on Jade's cheek before speeding out the door.

Jade didn't move from the bed for at least half an hour after Beck had gone, unable to summon up the energy to either move or care. She felt bad for the way she'd reacted to Beck when he'd only been trying to help but the 'episode' had made her feel uncomfortable, like a stranger in her own body. It was enough to make her want to reject any outside interference as she struggled to regain control.

She could hear a shuffling downstairs for a while, and then the echoing click of the front door shutting. Had her father just left? Rapidly curiosity started to override her apathy and she shuffled out of the bed and out onto the mezzanine level. She paused at the stairs and listened intently, unsure how to feel when no noise was heard. It dawned on her that this was the first time she'd been truly alone since right before the accident. Jade wondered if the realisation should unsettle her more than it did but instead, she felt indifferent, almost relieved as the quiet surrounded her; a welcome change from the hospital where the noise never really stopped. She made her way down the stairs, re-adjusting her sling as she went; it was beginning to be more of a bother than a help. Jade stood in the empty entryway, listening again to check she really was alone. As her suspicions were confirmed, she felt herself relax a little; the anxiety that took root in her stomach somewhat quelled.

As she looked around, Jade realised she didn't really know where the other doorways and small hallway led, having only been in the living room the previous day. She could see what looked like the kitchen to the back of the house, but the rest was a mystery. Deciding she didn't exactly have anything better to do with her time, Jade tried the door of the room opposite the small living room she'd been in the previous evening. To her surprise, the door opened easily, and she found herself standing in the doorway to her father's study. It was good size room with floor to ceiling shelves covering most of the far wall. An impressive oak desk stood perpendicular to the shelves, backed onto a sizeable window that looked out onto the drive.

Jade took small steps into the room; a musty smell lingered, suggesting the windows were never opened but the man spent a lot of time in this room. She paused at his desk; it was covered with documents around a mac but they were all stacked neatly in piles. There was nothing personal on the desk, nothing to give away anything about him. She steadied herself on the luxurious office chair as she peered out the window, noting the absence of any cars as final confirmation she really was alone.

It was as she turned that a flicker of light caught her eye, drawing it to midway up the nearest shelving stack. A small photograph of a clearly newborn baby wrapped in a pink blanket encased in a silver picture frame that had slight tarnishing around the edges. It took Jade a moment to even recognise that she was looking at a picture of herself as a baby, having seen the exact same photo years before in a family photo album. Unable to stop herself, she made her way over to the shelf and reached up to take hold of the frame, noting the slight fading of the photo itself. She looked at it, almost transfixed on something that was the last thing she expected to find. It seemed so out of place in a room that was clearly dedicated to his work but yet so small it could probably go missed by most people.

She returned the photo to its shelf, still feeling unsettled as she walked back around the front of the desk. She scanned the section of bookshelf closest to her, trying to see if she recognised any of the titles. There were some classics among them but most looked like they'd never been touched, let alone read. Trying to shake the feelings summersaulting in her stomach, Jade moved back towards the door, stopping one last time to take the room in and letting her gaze linger on the small photo frame again. It finally struck her why its positioning was odd. The shelf was just above comfortable eye level and, as it was tucked to one end, it wouldn't be visible to whoever was sitting at the desk who would be facing the opposite direction.

The punch to her gut felt like someone had knocked the wind out of her. She'd gone from not knowing how to feel with some distant hope that this did mean something to the realisation that she was as cast aside in his mind as the photo she was looking at. Something tucked away in a corner, almost entirely hidden from view unless you knew to look. Jade felt foolish for even daring to think any differently. She exited the room suddenly, making sure to vent her feelings as she slammed the door, the sound echoing throughout the foyer. Her breathing was heavy and there was a renewed anger coursing through her. She brushed her good hand against the wall, leaning on it slightly as she counted her breaths, trying to restore calm before it got out of hand. A few minutes passed before she managed to straighten herself, moving down the short hallway that ended in the final door, although she had now guessed this was his room.

She was proved correct as she opened the door, this time content to linger at the door. The room was smart but almost completely devoid of personality. The bed covers looked like they'd been thrown carelessly back on the bed, an empty hanger where a suit would have hung and curtains that hadn't been opened; perhaps in a very long time. An ajar door on the far side showed an ensuite bath and shower room, the faint damp smell indicating it had been used not too long ago. Despite her anger, she couldn't help but look for more photos, for anything that registered her presence in his life, but she found nothing. This time her reaction was contained to several rapid blinks before shutting the door firmly. She walked back down the hallway, giving herself the lecture, she had given so many times. The reminder that she was on her own, that he wasn't worth bothering with, that putting her faith in him was only setting herself up for disappointment. Before the events of the few weeks previous, she would suck up the hurt and just let it add to the growing bitterness and resentment she felt towards her parents but now there was another dimension to it. Jade wanted badly to squash the new feeling, to banish it permanently from her mind but it was difficult to achieve when her nine-year-old self was still inside, crying out for her father's love as her one remaining parent.

She was so caught up in her thoughts, she completely missed the sound of a car pulling up the drive and it was only when a key turned in the lock Jade became aware someone was about to join her.

"Oh, good morning love." Vera's cheerful face greeted her as she walked through the door, a large bag draped on each arm. Jade looked at her, somewhat confused as to what she was doing at the house so early.

"I start at eight, easier to get the cleaning done before the heat of the day sets in. Besides, at my age I tend to be awake early."

Vera had easily read the expression on Jade's face, although she was still unsure how to talk to the girl at all. It had played on her mind much of the previous evening, each explanation she thought of for the girl's withdrawn behaviour more tragic than the last.

"Have you had breakfast yet?" Her voice was determinedly upbeat and cheerful, but her smile was genuine. Jade shook her head in response, debating whether or not she wanted to stay in Vera Moore's presence. Usually the woman's cheerful attitude and mother-hen like tendencies would have Jade making a fast exit but something was stopping her this time.

"I can bring you something up if you like? I didn't know what you and your young man like for breakfast, so I bought a bit of everything. Walmart was rammed this morning; I did wonder if they all know something I don't, but it was like they were possessed; still they had plenty of options." Vera continued to rattle of her tale of her trip to Walmart before moving on to the downtown traffic and a rude 4x4 driver who had cut her off at the interchange as she walked through the open-plan dining area into the kitchen. Jade found herself following without really thinking. Vera's chatter was mildly irritating, but it didn't bother her as much as she would have thought.

The kitchen was very much in keeping with the style of the rest of the house, although more modern looking than the small living room. The appliances were all steel with black granite worktops and a sizeable centre island complete with stools and fancy hanging lights. As Vera continued her tale, Jade eyed one of the stools warily, wondering if she'd even manage to get up onto it without falling.

"So, you can have those, or I've also got eggs, toast, cereal, bacon or I could possibly even rustle up some pancakes if you'd like; it's been a while since I've had anyone other than myself to cook for."

Jade felt slightly overwhelmed as she tuned back into the rather one-sided conversation. She knew she was hungry, but the choices felt like a step too far.

"Toast will be fine, thanks."

It was the most words Vera had heard Jade speak in on-go so far but she took it as a good sign and started bustling about with the toaster before opening the French doors to let the warm breeze in. Jade waited for Vera to return to the toaster before walking down to the doors herself, seeing the pool in the garden for the first time. She knew the upstairs deck looked over the garden, but she hadn't actually gone out onto it yet. Her bedroom offered a different view just of the hills on another side of the house.

Vera watched Jade take in the back yard, curious at the lack of reaction to her new surroundings as Jade's face remained impassive. To Vera, Jade looked lost in her own little world as she didn't even flinch at the sound of the toaster. Vera busied herself making a tray with various spreads and jams, as she quickly realised the stools were not going to be an option.

"Why don't you sit out on the table?"

Vera's voice jolted Jade back to the present as she appeared at her elbow with the laden tray before walking straight out towards a fashionable table and chairs set. Vera set the tray down and Jade simply followed, too tired to put up an argument. She would have rather taken the food upstairs, not too keen on any more company. For what it was worth, Vera seemed to sense this and after ensuring Jade had all she needed, backed off and returned to the kitchen to start with her usual duties.

By all accounts, it was a nice day as even in the shade Jade was only slightly cool, her long pyjamas keeping away the slight morning chill. As she cut her toast, Jade found herself regulating her breathing before taking in a large lung-full of fresh air; for all her hatred of the place for being her father's bolt hole, it was an improvement on the hospital.

Vera jumped when she heard the doorbell sound, a rare sound if ever there was one. As she removed her washing-up gloves, she vaguely remembered Mr West mentioning someone would be coming for Jade each today. Vera had surmised he was some sort of physiotherapist and was therefore a little surprised when a man in a shirt and waistcoat stood on the other side of the door.

"Hi, you must be Mr West's housekeeper? I'm Lane, Jade's counsellor." Vera blinked away her surprise at the new information and greeted him just the same before showing him in.

"Jade's just outside eating breakfast, does she know you're coming?"

"It was arranged but I did try to call this morning and got no answer."

Vera shrugged; she hadn't seen Jade with her phone at all which was a bit off for someone of Jade's generation. From what Vera had observed, anyone under the age of 30 seemed to be surgically attached to their phones, unable to even go grocery shopping without having them out. She showed Lane to the kitchen and watched him walk out before pulling the plug on the sink to let the water drain. For all her curiosity, counselling was something she knew she shouldn't be observing out of common decency.

LINE BREAK

Lane had known Jade's father was well off, but he was still impressed by the house. He made sure to scuff his shoes on the deck, so Jade wasn't startled by his appearance, as it was, he was pleased to see her eating breakfast.

"Morning Jade." He greeted as she looked up.

"Hi."

"Can I join you?"

"Do I have a choice?" The snark in her tone surprised Lane, not for the rudeness but for it being the type of response he used to expect from Jade as standard.

"Nope." Lane popped the 'p' as he settled himself into a chair opposite. He was about to speak when Vera came hurrying out with another plate of toast and a jug of orange juice with two glasses.

"Sorry Mr Lane, I wasn't sure if you'd eaten yet this morning."

"Thank you, that's very kind and it's just Lane."

"I'm off to clean upstairs now so I won't be bothering you."

Lane inclined his head in thanks as Vera left rapidly, grateful at her not-so-subtle hint that she wouldn't be at risk of overhearing anything.

There was quiet for a moment as Lane helped himself to some of the jam of Jade's own tray and poured both of them a glass of juice.

"So, how are you settling in?"

"Alright I guess." It didn't matter how many therapy sessions Jade had, she still started each one in the same way, never wanting to give anything away. She knew by now that Lane wouldn't let her get away with it, but it didn't stop her trying each time. Lane had learnt quickly not to let it phase him and to simply keep asking until he got her on the right path.

"How has it been with your father?"

"Excruciating." Apparently, Jade was putting up less of a fight than normal today.

"How so?"

"He doesn't want me here."

"What makes you say that?"

"He's awkward around me, the way he acts is superficial like he's doing what's expected but he doesn't want to be doing it at all." Her mind replayed the events of the previous evening, the stilted dinner, the way he insisted on paying for Beck as though Beck had been put at an imposition by his daughter and he now had to make good on it.

"Maybe it's because he doesn't know how to act around you yet?"

Lane had been concerned about this even though his own interactions with Mr West had been brief; he was worried Jade would mistake his clumsiness for apathy. As it was, she scoffed at his suggestion.

"More like he wishes he didn't have to act around me at all."

"Why do you think that?"

"It's obvious." Jade was starting to get riled. "In this whole house there is almost no indication I even exist, he wiped me from all existence, even his own damn secretary didn't know he had a daughter." The memory of the previous week still stung sharply for Jade, unable to get his secretary's surprise out of her head. Now, seeing his house, it all made a lot more sense. Clearly when her father had walked out, he decided to erase her almost entirely from his life.

Lane was caught off-guard by Jade's admission about her father's secretary as she hadn't shared that particular information before. Frustration bubbled within him at her father's painful missteps in his relationship with his daughter, or rather the lack of relationship between the two of them.

"Maybe the reminders were too painful for him? You know more than most how painful memories can be."

"And I'm supposed to feel sorry for him? He's the one who walked out, not me. He was supposed to be a parent." Jade punctuated her statement by slamming her knife onto the table.

"So, you feel he abandoned you, took the easy way out?"

"And you don't?" Jade snapped, her eyes flashing.

"I'm not here to give an opinion Jade, or take sides, I'm here to help you find your way through this." Jade scoffed again, a heavy scowl darkening her features. The truth was, Lane had a lot of opinions on Mr West's appalling treatment of his daughter, including his decision to walk out and leave his nine-year-old daughter in a potentially dangerous situation.

"Have you said any of this to him? Beyond what was said the other day?" 'Said' was a relative term given Jade had been almost shouting at him.

"He just gets defensive, like I'm being unreasonable or selfish." She replied darkly, the previous conversation flashing through her mind.

"Do you think you need to talk to him properly, sit down and hold him to account?"

"I don't want to." Her response was instantaneous.

"But do you feel you need to?" Lane pressed.

"He won't listen." She was quieter now, almost speaking to herself. "And what good would it anyway? You saw what happened last time you suggested this." The accusation was thinly veiled, but Lane pushed it aside.

"Well, even if he doesn't say what you want him to, at least you would know you gave him the chance, that you said everything you wanted to say."

"And then I learn to live with more disappointment?"

Lane fell silent, all too aware that Jade was now being more open with him than ever before. Gone was the pretence that she didn't really care about her father's thoughts, the pretence that she had already given up on him and instead he could see what he had thought all along; the Jade who had a part of her who, whether she liked it or not, still wanted her father to be a father to her.

"It's something for you to think about." He finally answered with a finality letting Jade know that this part of the conversation would be over for now if she wanted it. Lane was wary about pushing her too far given she was still adjusting to the new location.

"How did you sleep last night?"

"Fine." Lane held back at a sigh at the return to one-word answers.

"You won't help yourself by lying to me Jade."

Jade glared at her plate in response, frustration running rampant through her as her mind still lingered on her father.

"What do you want to hear? No, I didn't sleep well just like every other fucking night, what were you expecting?" Jade lashed out, no longer willing to pretend like she was even in the mood to talk.

"Did you try the exercises I taught you?"

"Yes."

"And they didn't help?"

"Well obviously fucking not."

Lane raised an eyebrow at Jade, letting her know she was walking a thin line and Jade took a breath, her hand reflexively searching for the foam ball that was still stashed upstairs.

"They sometimes take the edge off when things are getting-" Jade paused not wanting to admit to the panic even though Lane was already fully aware.

"Out of hand?" He suggested and Jade's eyes narrowed at the implication.

"Overwhelming."

"But they don't help me sleep."

"Did you consider taking one of the pills the doctor gave you?"

Jade shook her head. Lane suspected as much, but it didn't stop him from feeling a little disappointed. He needed to get her over this fear of medication.

"Why don't you want to take them Jade?"

"It feels wrong."

"Wrong?"

"I don't want to not be in control."

"And you see these pills as making you lose control?"

"Whenever they sedated me in hospital, I couldn't wake up and it was like I was stuck there."

"Where were you stuck?"

She shook her head. Flashes of a windy cliff edge and stormy sea danced in-front of Jade's eyes, but she brushed them away, not yet ready to share that particular information with Lane. It was odd how this morning was the first time she'd been able to remember it but now she could remember almost every time she'd been there.

For now, Lane accepted this was something she wasn't ready to talk about and it didn't take a genius to make the connection between Jade's unpleasant flashbacks and nightmares and her unwillingness to be put to sleep. He tried a different angle.

"I understand the way you feel, I honestly do but a big part of mental recovery requires the brain to be getting enough, good quality REM sleep or you'll struggle to make progress."

Jade chewed this over, it made sense to her, but she couldn't shake the feeling of dread associated with the little box of pills. The same dread that appeared every time she looked in the mirror and saw certain features of her mother staring back at her.

"I don't want to end up like her." Her lips barely moved, her gaze fixed in her lap, but Lane heard them; he felt a twinge of relief as he realised, they'd finally reached the crux of the problem.

"As far as I understand it, these pills have nothing in them that can cause addiction."

"That doesn't mean shit." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. "There isn't anything technically addictive in Beer either, but people are still alcoholics. It's the feeling isn't it?" Although her question was more of a statement, Lane trod carefully.

"Have you tried beer?"

"Once." Jade could remember a party Beck had dragged her to the previous year. It wasn't a common occurrence, but she'd had one cup that she'd nursed all night; a few mouthfuls had been enough to let her know she wasn't a fan of the bitter substance. As it was, she'd often found herself staring at her mother's liquor cabinet, wondering if it was worth it, wondering if it would be enough for her to escape her life for a few hours like it did for her mother. In the end though she always resisted, too disgusted with her mother's behaviour to justify it, too afraid she'd end up just like her.

"And you didn't like it?"

Jade shook her head.

"Then why do you think you'll end up like your mother?"

"Pills don't have a taste, neither did the powder she snorted or the crap she injected into her arms."

The powder on the counter the night before the attack had just been the tip of the iceberg. She knew her mother's drug use was varied as she'd found used syringes at the bottom of her purse when Jade had been digging for money and a flash of a memory she's repressed for the longest time; the image of her mother injecting something into the crook of her arm through a crack in the bedroom door about a month after her father walked out.

"Don't you think that your understanding of addiction now, what you've witnessed with your mother will be enough to protect you? The truth is Jade, thousands of American's take sleep aids with no problem at all."

"Addiction runs in families, it's a genetic pre-disposition." Jade had spent many hours researching over the years, frantic google searches on her phone after her mother barely made it in through the front door.

Lane frowned.

"It can be, but all that means is that you could be more likely to exhibit that type of behaviour, but it is not in any way a guarantee."

Jade stayed quiet, unwilling to consider what Lane was saying; it felt too unlikely to her.

"I take it this is also the reason that your pain medication usage chart remained low?" Jade didn't look up, confirming his suspicions. Dr Griffiths had raised it at Jade's discharge meeting, although had mentioned she was reasonably satisfied Jade was coping with the pain she was in, she still flagged it as a potential cause for concern.

"Jade are you in pain right now?"

Yes, was the truthful answer. Her shoulder was throbbing and aching as the bone slowly knitted themselves back together. She also had the same headache she'd had for many days, the kind of tension headache that arises from lack of sleep and too much stress.

"Yes." Jade figured he wouldn't believe her if she lied.

"But you won't take anything for it?"

"It keeps me grounded." Jade knew it sounded insane but if anyone would understand, she hoped it would be Lane. As it was, her hope was correct and not all that surprising to Lane now he joined up her recent behaviour in his head.

"It keeps you in the real world?" He offered and Jade felt a wave of relief at his words as she nodded.

"Not always but it's like it gives me something to hold onto."

"I understand Jade, I really do but I'm going to tell you something else now, and I want you to just listen."

Jade looked at him for a moment before nodding her agreement.

"You may think the pain is helping but when you're using in this way, you're letting it control you. It's keeping you in a place where your mind is pre-occupied and keeps you focused on negative thoughts and actions; it's also contributing to your difficulty falling asleep."

Jade felt a little stunned, she hadn't considered it like that before. Her gut reaction was to deny it but something about what he said had hit too close to home to be ignored. She had found herself wondering what would happen when her shoulder finally healed, the fear of the painkillers taking all the pain away was just another way she had managed to lose control. The realisation brought with it a fresh wave of self-loathing.

Lane had watched the emotions play out across her face, culminating in the shame and anger that made Lane sad for the teenager in-front of him.

"It's not something to be ashamed of Jade, your ability to cope is admirable and one day I sincerely hope you look back and can recognise the sheer enormity of what you are dealing with and then you'd see how well you have been dealing with it."

Jade doubted she'd ever think that, not even close but she didn't say anything.

"I want you to consider taking one of the sleeping pills this evening – not agree to it, just consider it." He added firmly as he saw the instant resistance in her eyes. "We've discussed it, you've got some more information to think about and you can still decide not to, but I'd like you to think about it; can you promise me that?"

Jade was silent for a moment before,

"Okay."

Lane gave a small smile before moving his chair backward and standing.

"Come on, let's go stretch our legs." He thought for a moment Jade would protest but she also got to her feet and followed him down the short path to the pool. The back yard was modestly sized but still large for the property as it followed around to three out of the four sides of the house. The pool was clearly the main feature, but paving slabs and various shrubs and trees defined a path a small desert scape out of view of the kitchen.

Lane spent much of the slow walk letting Jade keep to her thoughts, only occasionally commenting on various features that interested him. He had hoped to discuss the funeral with her as well, but he'd now decided to not go near it for the day for both their sakes. They walked around the garden several times before Jade turned back to the house, citing thirst as Lane looked at her questioningly.

They spent the remaining hour going through various breathing techniques and self-rationalisation she could put into use when she noticed she was starting to panic. Lane also mentioned that Jade might want to start using an outlet for her emotions, especially those she wasn't willing to share with anyone. Jade's mind flickered to a small folded piece of paper in her jacket pocket; ironically, she wasn't willing to share that yet either.

By the time Lane left, Jade felt thoroughly exhausted and a little gross, given she was still in the same clothes she'd slept in and had yet to even run a brush through her hair. Making a firm decision, Jade made her way back upstairs and into the bedroom, only a little surprised to find that Vera had been through and sorted the bed and curtains. It felt a little intrusive but that was overridden by Jade's relief she didn't have to wrestle the duvet with only one working arm. She managed to find where Beck had distributed her clothes the night before relatively easily and headed to the bathroom.

The bathroom sat on the other side of the mezzanine living space, bordered by the second guest bedroom on one side. It was an impressive family bathroom, clean tiling that boasted both a cubicle shower and a stand-alone bathtub. Jade found herself running a hand along the cool tile before she turned her attention to her reflection in the mirror bordering the sink. Beck had been right this morning when he'd joked about her appearance, she did look like hell and it was starting to really bother Jade. She carefully removed the sling from her arm, letting her elbow straighten out for the first time since the accident. It was painful but not unbearable as she slipped off her top and trousers before debating whether the shower was worth the hassle. Ultimately, she decided it was the only way of feeling less gross and she moved over to the cubicle, a warm feeling tugging at her when she saw Beck had already populated the in-shower shelf with her shampoo and body wash.

As the water poured down on her, Jade tried valiantly to give her hair the best wash possible while trying to bear in mind Dr Griffith's and Emma's warnings about being careful. It took longer than she was used to but by the time she stepped out, Jade noticed a difference in how she felt as though she were slightly lighter somehow. She stood back in the mirror, focusing firmly on her hair instead of her face as she towelled it dry and brushed it out, section by section. By the end, her good arm was aching at the strain in an odd pain that passed all the way across to her broken clavicle and Jade took that as a sign to ease up. She managed to slip into her trousers more easily than before but decided not to bother with the bra for now as wiggling into a t-shirt would be difficult enough.

Almost an hour after she'd stepped into the bathroom, Jade emerged with her hair still damp and no less tired but feeling different none the less. She paused in the living area to breathe in the warm breeze as it blew in through the French doors, bringing it with another scent that was savoury. Her stomach grumbled in response. She was about to head downstairs when she remembered her phone had been unchecked all morning. She swore quietly, hoping Beck hadn't tried to get hold of her as she had promised him, she'd answer his messages. It took a moment of searching to locate the device, but she tapped the screen on only for her stomach to drop.

(4) New Messages

(2) Missed Calls

Upon further investigate, three of the messages were from Beck and one from Cat. The first missed call was from Lane but the second was from her father. He hadn't left a voicemail, or tried to reach her again which was the deciding factor in Jade choosing to ignore it for now. Cat's message consisted of a detailed retelling of a dream she'd had the previous evening about a rabbit with superpowers; capitalising on Jade's love of the fluffy creatures as a reason to tell her. Beck's messages were a bit different.

8:15 am: Hey, just thought I'd let you know I got my truck alright and I'm about to leave for school. Didn't even get a parking ticket! Hope you have a good day.

10:30 am: Hey, school is still really boring without you here. How's your morning going?

11:30 am: Sprinkler system went off in Jazz class, it made Trina's make-up look like she'd had a run-in with a sad clown – you would have loved it. I know things are difficult, but can you let me know you're okay please - I'm worried.

Jade was expecting his last message to annoy her but instead she just felt frustrated that she hadn't thought to keep her phone with her. She quickly tapped out a reply.

Sorry, phone was upstairs, and I only just came back for it. Lane left a while ago and I've just finished getting dressed. Sounds like an improvement on her usual look.

Things are fine.

She debated the last line, but she was never one to pour her heart out over a text message. Besides, she was sure Beck would know what she meant. She had only just placed her phone in her pocket when she felt it buzz.

(1) New Message: Beck Oliver

She would have fitted into a low-budget B-movie no problem lol. Glad to hear it. I miss you.

Jade felt her heart give a little squeeze at his last three words. Unlike her, Beck was sappy over text messages, but Jade didn't have it in her to reject him with her usual sarcasm.

I miss you too.

It was the truth, even if she was a little loathed to admit it. She'd grown accustomed to his near constant presence, even when they weren't talking there was something in having him there that she found calming. She stared at her phone for a moment, almost anticipating another immediate return message but nothing came. Satisfied, she placed her phone back into her pocket and bent awkwardly to pick up her laundry with her un-slinged hand as she left the room.

Vera was back in the kitchen, removing a fresh loaf from the oven as she listened along to the radio and therefore almost jumped when she turned and saw Jade standing in the corner.

"Oh, you nearly frightened the life out of me!"

"Sorry." Jade immediately felt awkward, she wasn't sure how to talk to the woman in-front of her.

"You must move more quietly than a mouse!" Vera teased as she placed the bread down on the counter side. "Although I'm sure my hearing isn't quite what it used to be either."

Jade blinked, staying quiet again until Vera saw the clothes clutched in her hand.

"Are those for me?"

"I wasn't sure what to do with them, there isn't anywhere to put them upstairs." Jade explained, unsure if she'd crossed a boundary.

"That's fine I do washing twice a week, but I'll make sure I get a basket put upstairs – your father has one, but he obviously forgot you needed one too." Vera bustled towards her, relieving her of the pile swiftly and walking it down towards the small utility room.

"And thank you for bringing it down, my sons used to leave it in a pile on their bedroom floors! I think they though a magical fairy did the laundry while they were asleep."

Jade stood quietly, letting Vera talk. In a way, the woman reminded her of Cat with her constant chatter and stories although Vera's had so far made more sense than a lot of Cat's.

"Are you hungry for lunch? I just made some bread and there's some soup from yesterday I could heat up?"

"That would be nice." Jade managed a half smile, trying to show gratitude before adding a hurried "Thanks."

"Oh, it's not a bother, now your father is my only client I can spend a little more time doing the things I enjoy about housekeeping. I've always loved to cook but now I'm on my own I don't get much of a chance anymore."

Vera carried on chatting as she heated the soup and cut the bread before laying out another tray for Jade. Jade just stayed back watching, still unsure what to make of the woman and her semi-constant presence, eventually following her back out to the table she'd eaten at in the morning and murmuring a second 'thanks' as Vera headed back into the kitchen.

Jade manoeuvred butter onto the bread, a movement that she was slowly mastering given with her one working hand. After a few mouthfuls, Jade found herself almost smiling. There was something comforting about the soup and the bread, something she couldn't quite put her finger on, but it was some of the first food she'd managed that seemed to sit well within her. Even the toast she ate in the mornings usually sat like cement in her stomach for a while before it was digested but this was different somehow. Eating with one hand was slow but Jade persevered as she realised the mystery 'something' was a genuine like for the way the food tasted.

Oh boy, I cracked 8000 words – if you made it this far in one go, well done! Sorry it's so long but there just wasn't a good place to cut this one. It also required some very funny questions I had to google for some odd (and small) details.

32 chapters in and Jade is having to face herself and her psyche if she wants to come out the other side of this, but she is trying. Beck and Mr West will be back in the next chapter.

Please feel free to drop me a line if you liked the chapter – especially if the length was a good/bad thing. Thanks to everyone who has read/reviewed so far, it honestly helps the process move along, especially after 32 chapters!