an: hope you enjoy this chapter!
song for this chapter: trading yesterday – come back to me
1914
if i hold out my hand
would it change where you're standing now
just come back to me
Mia gripped Riza's hand tightly as they walked up the corridor to Roy's room. When Riza called that morning, the nurse had said there was no change overnight, but Roy had been given enough medication to keep him asleep so his body could heal. After her call, Roy had awoken in the morning however by the time Riza had arrived after dropping Mia off at school, he was sleeping once more. Riza didn't mind too much, so long as he was getting the rest he needed.
During the day, his condition had improved and Riza had called ahead after Mia finished school, checking if it would be okay for them to visit. She was reassured that it would be all right, but the nurses weren't sure if he'd be awake or not. Riza would love for him to be awake for Mia, however she understood that he needed to sleep to heal. She just wanted to speak to him to hear his voice.
"Just be quiet when you go in," Riza explained, placing a hand on Mia's back as she guided her towards the door. "Dad's okay," she reassured her daughter. "He's just been sleeping a lot, so we need to try not to wake him before he's ready."
After a soft knock, Havoc called for them to enter and Riza did so. Mia hesitated, but with another gentle prompt from Riza, she tentatively stepped into the room, taking tiny steps forward. Riza walked patiently behind her, her hand remaining on Mia's back as a source of comfort.
"Hi, Riza," Havoc smiled at her, then his expression softened when he saw Mia. They hadn't met before, but Roy had told them both tales of their antics at the office, so at least Mia knew him by name.
Mia took one look at her father's bed then moved to grip Riza's hand tightly.
"And you must be Mia," Havoc greeted, grinning widely at Mia.
She nodded. "That's my name."
"My name is Havoc."
"Havoc…" Mia muttered to herself, trying to figure out where she'd heard it before.
"Dad's told us stories about Havoc before, remember?" Riza prompted her daughter further forward into the room as she was lost in thought.
Riza glanced across at Roy, noting how he was still asleep. His skin didn't look as pale as it had that morning and there was a lot less sweat. In fact, his skin looked its normal colour, and dry. The dark circles that had been present underneath his eyes had eased, looking less like black eyes. Her tensed shoulders relaxed, dropping in her relief. When Riza glanced back towards Havoc, he caught her eye and shot her a sympathetic smile.
"Stories?" Havoc raised an eyebrow, glancing between the two of them. "Were they funny stories? Good stories? I hope they were," he winked.
Mia paused, but then she nodded. On her own accord, she took a step towards Havoc. "They were funny stories. He told us about the time you all met Hayate."
There was a wide smile on her face and Riza's shoulders relaxed a little more. At least she wasn't scared to step inside the room anymore.
"Oh yeah." Havoc rubbed his chin in thought. "How's the little pup?"
"He's the best!" Mia took a few more steps forward and walked right up to Havoc's bed with more confidence. "He's my best friend. We play together all the time. He's so much fun!"
"I'm glad," Havoc smiled down at her. "It sounds like you've found a great friend, Mia."
"I have," she beamed happily. Mia paused, looking left and down to Havoc's legs. "Were you hurt like my Dad?" Suddenly, as if remembering where she was, her head whipped around, and she looked at Roy in the bed. "Wait, Dad…"
Riza watched Mia, noticing how she took a tiny step backwards, her back hitting against the edge of Havoc's bed. She looked scared.
Havoc had opened his mouth to answer Mia's question, but promptly closed it, sensing the sudden drop of the mood in the room.
"It's all right, Mia," Riza murmured. "He's fine, just asleep. See?" Riza sat on the chair beside Roy's bed, taking his hand in hers and gripping on tightly.
Mia's eyes were wide and almost frightened as they looked her father over.
"He's fine," Havoc reassured them. "A bit grumpy about being stuck in here, but he's okay. Nothing will beat down you're ol' Dad so easily."
"Have you spoken to him?" Mia turned and looked up at him, eyes wide and earnest.
"I have," Havoc nodded. "Spoke to him earlier. He's sore, but he's fine. He'd much rather be at home with you and your mother, though."
Mia looked back at Roy. Her steps forward were nervous and it broke Riza's heart. She wanted to walk around to the other side of the bed to encourage her forward, had even shifted forward in her chair, ready to stand up, but she was frozen for the moment, simply watching her daughter. Riza's chest tightened as she watched uncertainty and worry spread across her daughter's face.
"Go on, Mia." Havoc nudged her back gently. When Mia turned to look at him, he nodded and grinned at her. "He's been desperate to see you. Waiting very patiently," Havoc grinned. "Give his hand a squeeze to let him know you're here."
Riza watched the exchange and the tight knot in her stomach lessened slightly. As much as she would have preferred no one to be in the hospital, a tiny part of Riza was glad Roy and Havoc were together and weren't alone in all of this. It may have been selfish on her part, but at least they both had company.
Mia stepped right up to Roy's bedside. After a moment's hesitation, she reached out and gripped his hand tightly. She jumped as soon as they made contact, retracting her hand an inch, but then moving it back.
"There you go, Kid." Havoc smiled at Mia then settled back into his bed comfortably.
Mia gripped Roy's hand tightly. "I'm glad he's okay," she whispered.
"Oh, he'll be out of here in no time," Havoc enthused cheerily. "Just you wait. Dad will be back to playing with you at the park sooner than you know it."
Riza shot him an appreciative smile. His eyes were closed, head tilted up towards the ceiling, but Riza still did it.
"He will?" Mia looked across at her mother, but never let go of Roy's hand. "Can we go to the park when he gets out of hospital, Mum? I really enjoyed it the last time!" She bounced on the spot.
"I did too. But we'll have to see how Dad's feeling first, okay? If he's too sore, he won't be able to, but once he's better, of course we can."
"Oh, yay," Mia whispered excitedly. She squeezed her father's hand then leaned forward. "Daddy, you have to get better soon, okay? Because they just put new swings in at the park. Jake told me about them at school today and I can't wait to have a go on them!"
The two adults laughed quietly at her request.
"I'm sure he'll do his best, Kid." Havoc opened one eye to speak, then made himself comfortable again.
"So, did you get hurt like my Daddy?" Mia's enquiry was innocent as she regarded Havoc. Apparently she hadn't forgotten about her earlier question.
"I did, yeah," he coughed. Riza's stomach tensed, afraid Mia may have crossed a boundary somewhere, but as she opened her mouth to reply, Havoc intercepted. "Your Dad saved my life."
"Wow." Mia was in awe. "He really is a hero, Mummy!"
Riza shot her a tight smile. "He is." Then, she turned to face Havoc. "How are you doing?"
He just shrugged. "Okay. Just waiting on test results. The boring stuff," he quipped. "Not much else I can do until then." He jerked his head over towards Roy. "He was awake for a bit a few hours ago. Kept asking about you, but they put another dose of morphine in his system. It might wear off soon though, so you might get to speak to him."
Riza nodded and as if on cue, there was a quiet groan from Roy's bed. Mother and daughter's eyes snapped towards it, noticing how his face took on a grimace of pain. Roy's legs twitched underneath the sheet, moved slightly, then came to rest. After a deep sigh, his face relaxed again.
"Daddy?" Mia called quietly, that fear back in her voice. She squeezed his hand even tighter, leaning forward eagerly. She peered over the bed at her father, rising up onto her tiptoes.
Roy's eyebrows twitched then raised as he prepared to open his eyes. When his lids did bat open, Mia gasped loudly. Riza felt the knot in her stomach loosen completely and disappear when she set her sights on his dark eyes once more. All her worries melted away for the moment as Mia bounced excitedly across from her and a quiet squeak of happiness left her.
"Mia?" His tone was groggy as he tried to wake up. His head turned to the side and a pained breath left him as he tried to move in the bed.
"It's me, Daddy!" she cried happily. "I came to see you!"
Finally, his eyes focussed, and Roy saw Mia grinning at his bedside. "Hey, Mia Bear," he smiled tiredly. His voice was weak, but his tired smile was still happy, and that was all Riza needed to see to make her worries disappear.
His head rolled in his exhaustion, turning to face Riza. Blearily, his eyes opened, and he looked directly at Riza. She shot him a smile, squeezing his hand tightly.
"Riza?"
Her name was just a breath that left him, but it still made her heart soar inside her chest. Tears sprang from her eyes, but they didn't fall. She was just so happy he was awake.
"You're here too?" His voice was strained, but it was music to her ears to hear it again.
"Of course," she smiled. As if she would be anywhere else. Riza kept a tight grip on his hand and felt his fingers twitch in response.
"Hey," he greeted softly, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards.
"Oh, I'm so happy you're awake!" Mia's cry drew his attention away from Riza.
"Mia, give Dad a few minutes," Riza told her gently. Her excitement was palpable and Riza felt the same way, but he needed a moment. "He still needs to wake up a little bit."
Mia dropped off her tiptoes and bit her lip. Riza's smile dropped when she let go of Roy's hand. Her stomach became heavy and dread settled in there as Mia stepped backwards. Their daughter quickly rounded the bed and wrapped her arms around her mother's side. She hugged Riza tightly, her fingers digging into her skin.
"I'm all right, Mia Bear," Roy reassured her quickly. He didn't sound it. His voice was raspy and nothing like it was normally, however the smile was. It was loving and reassuring, like he was ready to get up and out of bed to fight off whatever was scaring their daughter.
Riza placed a hand on Mia's shoulder, giving it a squeeze. When she heard her sniff, Riza let go of Roy's hand and pulled Mia onto her lap.
"I'm sorry, Daddy," Mia whispered, cuddling into Riza as her breath hitched. She pressed her face against her mother's chest, half hiding her face. "I didn't mean to bother you."
"No! Mia, no, you're fine," Roy reassured her. He struggled to sit up but didn't have the strength within him.
"Mia," Riza soothed, wrapping her arms around their daughter. "Remember… Remember when you wake up in the morning?" Riza rocked her back and forth. "And you need a little minute to yourself before you wake up properly?"
Mia hesitated but still nodded.
"Well so do we." Riza pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Daddy has been on some medicine that makes him extra sleepy, so needs a little more time, okay? That's all."
"I'm very happy to see you and Mum," Roy smiled. It was tired, but it reached right up to his eyes. It was completely genuine. "Seeing you both has already made me feel so much better, I promise you."
"Okay," Mia whispered. Her face peeled slowly away from Riza's chest.
"Can I get a hug?" Roy opened his arms to her. They shook slightly with fatigue as he helped them out, but they never dipped.
Mia paused, glancing up at her mother.
"Be careful when you climb up, okay?"
She nodded and approached the bed slowly. As soon as Roy's hands were gently placed upon her shoulders, Mia rushed forwards. She hugged her father tightly, trying to move as close to him as she could.
"I'm so glad you're all right," Mia whispered into his bicep as she cuddled in close.
"Mrs. Mustang!"
Riza turned at the sound of a shout, and saw Edward and Alphonse hurrying up the hall behind her.
"Ed! Al!" Mia gasped beside her, a grin spreading across her face. The grip on her mother's hand tightened in her excitement.
"Hey, Mia," Alphonse waved.
"Hello, boys," Riza greeted. "Are you two coming for a visit too?"
Edward nodded. "We thought we'd stop by and see how the Colonel and Lieutenant Havoc were doing."
"How are you two doing?" Riza had heard Alphonse was with Roy during the fight with the creature they all called Lust but hadn't seen him since.
"Fine," Edward replied simply. "Busy, but we're fine." He glanced at Mia and offered her a tight smile, and Riza understood. Even if they weren't fine, they wouldn't tell the truth in front of Mia. While Riza appreciated that for Mia's sake, she still sought the truth. There may never be a time where she got them alone to ask, but she still worried about them.
"How are you today, Mia?" Alphonse cocked his head to look down.
"I'm okay! I miss Dad a lot, but Mum says he's doing really well, isn't he?" Her head craned up to look at her mother.
"He is," Riza confirmed. "He's on the mend," she reassured them both.
"I'm guessing you're going to see him now?" Alphonse asked. "We'll walk with you."
They made small talk as they walked the short distance to Roy and Havoc's hospital room. The brothers mostly conversed with Mia, asking how she was and what she'd been up to at school recently. She was very eager to share, and her stories made Riza smile.
"Daddy!" Mia's cry halted all conversation within the hospital room. All four men within turned their heads towards the door as Mia rushed towards her father, throwing her arms around Roy.
"Hi, Mia," he grinned. Glancing towards the door, he shot Riza a grin too. "Hi," he greeted.
"Hello. How are you doing?"
Alphonse lifted a chair and pushed it up towards Roy's bedside for her, which Riza appreciated. She thanked him with a smile before sitting down.
"All right," Roy shrugged. "The doctor said I was healing beautifully," he grinned down at Mia. "What do you think of that, Mia Bear?"
"You're almost all better?"
Roy grimaced. "Not perfect, but I'm on the mend. I'm better than I was before."
"Yay!" Mia bounced on the spot, latching onto her father's hand tightly. Her smile lit up the whole room as a knock at the door disturbed them.
"Hello, Sirs," Fuery greeted upon entering the room. "Madame Christmas asked me to retrieve these maps for you." The rolls of paper he had bundled up in his arms were dumped onto the chair by Roy's bedside.
"What are the maps for, Mummy?" Mia's question was completely innocent, but it caused her to pause. She shouldn't be privy to a conversation such as this.
However, before Riza could open her mouth, Alphonse beat her to it. "Mia? Would you like to come on a walk with me for a little while? I've heard there's some very pretty flowers in the hospital garden and wondered if you'd like to come see them with me?"
"Oh!" Mia clapped her hands together happily. "Can I, Mum?"
Riza glanced at Alphonse, who nodded at her. "Only if you behave and do exactly as Alphonse says, okay?"
"I will! I promise!"
"Okay." Riza nodded and mouthed a 'thank you' to Alphonse as he left. He bid them farewell with a wave and stooped low, taking Mia's hand in his as they walked out the room.
"I'll fill him in later," Edward reassured them.
Riza's lips pursed as she looked upon Roy's determined face.
"Leave here? Already?" Her question was disbelieving. He wasn't fully healed yet and he needed to stay in the hospital to ensure he was well taken care of.
Despite the displeasure on her face, Roy nodded. He was determined and absolute in his resolve. "Yes. There's too much work to do to stop now. You saw those maps. You figured out the pattern, Riza. That circle includes Central Command and the Fuhrer's mansion. He's tied to the homunculi somehow. I need to find out how and why. The whole military… I think this was what Hughes stumbled across. He figured it out. The military is aware and was involved in this mess with Lab Three."
"You do realise that you're jeopardising yourself and your health by leaving early, right?"
Roy sighed. He pinched the bridge of his nose, but it only caused Riza to frown in response. The action irritated her, as if he thought she was being unreasonable in her question.
"Look…" His shoulders slumped. His initial tone had been sharp, but it softened considerably the next time he spoke. "I can't just sit by while others are doing my work for me."
"I understand that, Roy, but you need to look out for yourself too," Riza countered.
"I know, and I will. I promise. I'm not jumping headfirst into another fight, but I need to get mobilised and start working again."
"Roy…"
"I know it's hard." He stepped forward, gripping both her hands within his own. He lifted them to his chest, giving them a squeeze. "Because it's hard for me too. I… I absolutely hate to do this to you because I know you'll only worry –"
"Damn right, I will," Riza retorted. She tried to pull her hands away, and Roy let her. He didn't fight it, just let go, letting his hands hang limp by his sides. Riza watched as he swallowed and nodded in acceptance. "Of course, I'll worry about you. How could I not?"
"Riza –"
"What about Mia?" Her demand was clear in her tone. "What am I supposed to tell her if you land yourself in hospital again? Or worse, end up dead?" She choked on the last word.
"I'll talk to her –" His voice was quiet and defeated, but Riza wouldn't – and couldn't – accept that.
"No. That's not good enough. Because it will be me who has to comfort again. I will have to share the bad news with her." Riza swallowed past the lump in her throat. "I understand the dedication you have to your country and your team, Roy. I really do, and I've accepted that. It's a part of who you are. However, I can't do it again," she whispered. "Not with her, and not alone." The tears were threatening to overwhelm her. "I had to tell her about Maes, and if I have to do the same with you –" Riza closed her eyes and took a deep breath, willing herself not to burst into tears.
Suddenly, arms were wrapped tightly around her. "I'm sorry," Roy whispered in her ear. "I'm so sorry," he breathed, but Riza noticed the hitch there.
Her face was pressed into his hard chest. She revelled in the warmth against her face, reminding her that he was alive and that he was okay. She loved this man and wanted to support and push him to achieve his dreams, but not at the expense of his own life. It was selfish to play the Mia card, and Riza felt guilty for it, but it was the truth. Once more, she would feel abandoned. Helpless. Floundering, as she struggled to fend for herself.
"I… I cannot express how sorry I am over what happened with Maes." He tripped over his late friend's name. "I should have been there for you both, and that's something I'll regret for the rest of my life. And I do not want to do that to you again. I don't." He was choked up, his arms tightening around her frame as he spoke. "But… I'm torn. There are children out there, fighting my battles for me. And I'm not trying to guilt you –"
The arms around her were gone. Riza blinked in surprise, watching as he ran his hands over his face, turning away from her. He sighed once, his breathing becoming deeper a second time, before he stilled completely. His hands dropped to his sides, forming fists, as Roy tried to compose himself.
Taking in his posture, Riza could see he really was torn. Duty was incredibly important to Roy. It always had been. She'd always understood it but realised now that before she'd only partly understood. She'd never really seen it in action before, only heard it from a second-hand account. But his family was just as important to Roy. It was a horrible situation to be in, and Riza realised just how unfair she'd been then by mentioning her and Mia. He was trying to make the best of a bad situation, and she wasn't helping.
She approached her husband quietly. He jumped in fright when she pressed a hand between his shoulder blades.
"Go," she commanded softly.
Roy whipped around. He looked desolate, his eyes swelling up as emotion overwhelmed him.
"I can't –" His voice was choked, unable to finish his sentence.
"You can," Riza reasoned calmly while offering him a quick smile. "I'm sorry… I wasn't thinking straight. It wasn't right for me to say that," she swallowed. "About Mia and I. There are people who are counting on you to help," she added. "And they need your guidance," she smiled. "Go and help them but be careful. Please."
"I can't leave you again, Riza." His tone was so broken that it almost made her cry.
"You're not leaving me, Roy." She lifted a hand to cup his cheek. "You never would, I believe that. But I get it now. Edward and Alphonse… They need your help. And you need to assist them. You're Edward's commanding officer, and those brothers seem to be setting themselves up for an adventure of extreme proportions." She smiled softly at him, dropped her hand so that it rested upon his shoulder. "It reminds me of another boy I once knew."
"Riza… I swore to myself that I wouldn't do this to you again. I can't. But, I…" He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes.
"If we weren't together, and we were just friends, then I would tell you exactly the same," Riza whispered. "I can see how torn you are. I can see how important this is to you."
"But I have a duty to you, too. To Mia."
Riza nodded. "You do. But this is the greater good we're talking about here."
"You are my greater good," he whispered.
Silence descended over them. Riza didn't know what to say to that, because how could she? This was a decision Roy could only make for himself, but she still felt selfish for her actions.
"I'm sorry."
"What for?" Roy was confused at her confession.
"I was selfish to say those things to you –"
"No." His reply was vehement.
"I was –" She tried to counter him, to fight him, but Roy interrupted her once more.
"You were not selfish. You do not have a selfish bone in your body, Riza Mustang." He almost growled at her. Her hands were gripped tightly within his once more. This time, they rested above his heart. "You could never be selfish."
"But this is important –"
"So are you," Roy cut in. "So is Mia."
Riza bowed her head, her eyes coming to rest upon their joined hands. "We'll get nowhere arguing like this."
After a moment, Roy sighed. "No, I suppose we won't."
Lifting her eyes, they met, staring at one another.
"I, Riza Mustang, will never hold your decision against you. I promise," she added in a whisper. "Go and do what you need to do. I… I lashed out in fear and this was what happened because of it," she admitted. "Because losing you again scares me to death. But," she inhaled, letting it out in a quick rush. "I understand your job and your position. And the duty you have towards those brothers. I can look after Mia and myself. Go and help them, but promise me one thing?"
Roy had been silent throughout her speech, but after her question, he shifted his stance and gave her hands a squeeze. "Anything, my love."
"Look after yourself?"
Roy leaned forward, pressing his lips to her forehead. "I will. After all, I have you and Mia to look forward to coming home to. I wouldn't miss that moment for the world."
Closing her eyes, Riza's head tipped forward. It came to rest upon Roy's chest as he wrapped his arms around her once more, giving her a tight squeeze.