Chapter 26: I Love You

Derek took a quick peek around the corner and immediately backed out, leaning with his back against the wall. He pressed his eyes closed for a second, taking a deep calming breath.

Another fleeting glance into the confines of the basement… Meredith was lying on one of the gurneys reading a textbook, propping herself with one elbow.

He felt like he was fourteen all over again. Like he was that awkward socially challenged teen craving to make the pink-haired rebel spare him some of her time. And in a way, over a decade later, they were still just that. He actually wished to be fourteen again. Because that would mean they had amazing twelve years ahead of them. At present, the future seemed vague to say the least.

Okay. He braced his courage, pushed himself and casually made his way to Meredith.

She felt his presence even before he showed himself. She felt being observed, she felt his eyes on her. and now he was walking towards her. She had time to bolt, to avoid the confrontation. Only that wouldn't be very mature, she couldn't hide her head in the sand. She had to listen out to what he had to say. Even if it was going to rip her heart all over again.

"Hey, Mer," he breathed out standing in front of her.

"Derek," she nodded. She just wanted to glance at him nonchalantly. But her eyes only rose to the level of his hips. Great. Another reminder of what she lost.

"You want something to drink?" he handed her one of two bottles of mineral water.

"Derek," she sighed. "I already-"

"I know," he interrupted quickly, his voice falling and losing the forced casualness. "You… you broke up with me. I get that. Finally," he almost choked out; his eyes unable to focus on one thing.

She sat up folding her legs before her. "So you understand this… can't go on."

"What do you expect me to do, Mer?" he asked her, his voice pained. "To stop caring for you? Pretend we're strangers? Like we haven't spent over twelve years together?"

She sighed guiltily. Derek just voiced the same argument she threw into Cristina's face. She accepted the water from his hands.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

"Meredith, I…" he hesitated. "I'm… I'm going through the motions right now… I'm working on things…"

She looked up at him, half-curious, half-scared.

"I was... stupid, I was blind," he hesitated. "I realize now we haven't been us for a long time."

She nodded, her mouth going dry. She opened that bottle of water and gulped heavily.

"I made… mistakes, I made a lot of mistakes and I…" he sighed brining his hand up to his forehead. "I can't believe I fucked up so badly… It's like… It's not like me at all. I know it's a little late to say that. But I'm sorry. I am."

She tucked her hair nervously behind her ear. "It's okay. You just can't change how you feel," she shrugged and slowly straightened her legs to slide from the gurney. Derek blocked her way.

"Meredith, please don't cross me out…" he begged.

"Derek…" she bit her lip and tried to maneuver herself around him.

"I love you," he repeated strongly. "I love you and that is true."

"You said you were working through things…" she reproached him.

"I am. That doesn't change the fact that I love-"

"Don't say that," she grimaced and got to her feet.

"Mer…" he trapped her with his body. "I love you… and I swear to you, I'll do anything to get you back. I'll make up for my mistakes."

She trembled under the fire in his eyes, the sheer intensity of his regard. For how long would she have the strength to deal with this with her head held up high?

She dropped her gaze to her feet and extricated herself from the deathtrap between him and the gurney.

"I love you, Meredith!" was the last thing that rang in her ears as she left him alone.