Chapter 26

The train ride back to District 12 feels longer somehow, more quiet. I watch the blur of scenery pass by as I recline in a window seat with my feet propped up in front of me.

I fidget, sliding my arm out of the sling and rubbing my palms against my knees. If Peeta or Effie saw me do this they would go ballistic. Peeta would worry about my hands while Effie would claim I was ruining my look.

I hear footsteps behind me. I look back to see Haymitch. I greet him but he doesn't say anything, just shuffles in with his hands in his pockets. He looks almost nervous.

"How you feeling?" He finally asks.

"Fine," I say. He raises an eyebrow so I shrug and add, "Nervous."

"I'll never forget my Homecoming," Haymitch says, joining me in the window seat. I drop my legs so he has room to sit.

"My family was there and my ma planted a big, wet kiss on my cheek right on live TV." Haymitch hesitates, then adds, "Your family was there too. Your grandparents and your ma."

"Oh, right. They would have been there." I murmur uncomfortably.

"My Games were different," Haymitch pauses, struggling over his words. "There were twice as many tributes that year. There were four of us from home, including your aunt."

He gestures to the Mockingjay pin. I cannot believe Haymitch is talking about this. I try not to let my surprise show.

"She was my ally during the Games."

I nod mutely. My father mentioned that before but never went into detail.

"We stuck together for most of it. There was so many of us and the Games were so long...and the arena. That arena was like nothing I'd ever seen before."

I want to ask more about the arena but I keep quiet, letting Haymitch speak what he wants to say.

"Maysilee and I split up near the end. She was only gone a minute when…" Haymitch clears his throat. "I was with her when she died."

Haymitch looks out the window with a thousand yard stare. "It was like looking at a ghost, seeing your ma there on the platform. She glared at me the whole time."

"My mother doesn't like you very much," I admit.

"Yeah, she wouldn't." Haymitch smiles without humor. "One day, she stopped by Victor's Village and went off at me. She started blaming me for Maysilee's death. Said I should've stayed with her, that I should've protected her."

I gasp, appalled at her behavior. "She shouldn't have done that."

Haymitch scratches the back of his neck. "It was one thing to think it, you know? Think that I was responsible. But to hear those thoughts I'd had myself…hearing them from someone who looked just like her..."

"She was wrong, Haymitch." I say firmly.

He gives me a long look as our train slows to a halt. He glances out the window and says, "We've stopped to refuel. Wanna take a breather?"

I agree and we exit through the back of the train. The weather is sunny if a bit windy. I expect us to hang out near the car but Haymitch walks quickly along the tracks until we stand a good distance from it.

"What's going on?" I ask him once he comes to a stop.

He fidgets, looking back at the train suspiciously. "Just wanna talk to you."

"Is something wrong?"

"You could say that," he mutters bitterly. "I just wanna make sure you're careful with the Capitol."

"Why?" I ask. "Are they angry with me?"

"It's something else," he states. "I'm sure Effie's been telling you how popular you are."

"Maybe once or twice." I tease, unable to resist poking fun of Effie's constant praise of my popularity the past week. Haymitch looks both amused and annoyed at himself for being amused.

"Well, she's not wrong. Your popularity is right up there with Katniss and Peeta's."

"Why, though?" I ask. "I'm nothing special compared to other Victors. I'm not a star-crossed lover or anything."

"What, you don't see the appeal of a wealthy, good-looking girl with an engaging underdog story?"

I blink, surprised. "Well, when you put it that way..."

Haymitch nods, vindicated. "See, it's easy to promote you to an audience. Capitol citizens wanna see themselves in tributes. So if you were to imagine yourself as someone in the districts, would it be a kid starving in the streets? Or as a wealthy mayor's daughter?"

"Is this what Effie meant by...by 'everything they want a Victor to be'?" I ask, cringing at the phrase.

Haymitch grimaces with me. "Yeah. But it's more than you being a Victor the people want. Madge, you're the Victor the government wants."

I feel my stomach drop. I don't like the sound of that. "They want? How?"

Haymitch is grave as he tells me, "Because, to them, you're an example of how a Victor should behave. You didn't pull any rebellious stunts to win the Games. Combine that with how easy you are to market and they can promote you over the Victors they think are rebellious."

My head is spinning as I comprehend all of this. Haymitch is warning me to be careful with the Capitol not because they want to get rid of me but because they want to use me.

I knew I would have to play nice for the Capitol but I assumed people would realize how dull or unimportant I am and move on. But if what Haymitch is saying is true, then they want me as their little mascot for how great the Games are.

Haymitch sees my anxious expression and says sympathetically, "I know. Believe me, I get it. But I think there's a silver lining to this."

I shoot him a skeptical look.

"I'm serious," he insists. "Wherever we go, the Capitol is watching all of us. They never take their eyes off of me or off Katniss. But they're not watching you as closely. They don't expect anything from you 'cause they don't think you're rebellious."

Haymitch takes a step away and kicks at a pebble. He clears his throat and says, "Which brings me to your Victory tour."

I start at the unexpected switch in topic. "My tour?"

"Yeah. When we go on your tour you'll be meeting a lot of people. What if you could speak with certain people about…certain subjects."

I am still distracted by everything he said before and I'm struggling to follow the conversation. "What are you saying, Haymitch?"

"What I'm saying, sweetheart, is that you might be the perfect person to gather some intelligence for us."

"Intelligence?" I exclaim, surprised. "What, like you want me to spy-"

I stop, staring up at Haymitch wide-eyed. He looks back at me resolutely.

"Are you drunk?" I blurt out before I can stop myself.

He smirks. "I wish."

"You think I...what?" I blanch, starting to lose my composure. "There's no way I could do that!"

Haymitch rests a hand on my shoulder to calm me. "I think you can. It's more than you being under the radar. You're good with people."

"I...I'm not good with people!" I gasp out. I start pacing back and forth. What is he talking about? I've always been so shy around people I don't know. "Where did you get that idea?"

"From you, sweetheart." Haymitch says with a smug face that annoys me. "I watched you in the Games and I saw you with your alliance. You made everyone feel comfortable with one another, you made them laugh and you got them to open up to you! You got that boy from District Eight to talk when he was upset with everyone and you got that girl from District Ten to talk about her grandma-"

"Okay, stop." I can't think about the Games, not right now. "Look, that's different and...and Rory helped me with them. That doesn't mean people just...trust me or whatever!"

I expect that to deter Haymitch but instead he gets a twinkle in his eye. "I think they might. You see, the Gamemakers were so busy wanting the Capitol to like you, they never considered that people in the districts might like you."

A gust of wind blows past and I use the moment to collect my thoughts as I smooth down my dress. Nothing makes sense to me now and I hear myself wondering sincerely, "Why would anyone like me?"

Haymitch sighs, studying me for a moment. "Do you remember before your interview with Caesar and I said kindness wouldn't get you anywhere in the Games? Well, it turns out it gets you pretty far with the districts."

"Kindness?" I snap. I'm not flustered anymore. No, now I'm irate. "What show were you watching?"

"I was watching you. I watched you take care of Rory. I watched how you got along with those kids in your alliance. I saw you get people to sing and dance. Hell, you even saved that District One boy from those mutts!"

"Yeah, and then I murdered them." I say coldly.

Haymitch's face is serious again as he tells me, "Death is a part of the Games, sweetheart. We're used to it. But we're not used to seeing kindness on the screen and that makes a greater impact with people."

I think back to that Avox girl telling me I'm a good person. Is this what she meant?

I shake my head. This is all too much. "Look Haymitch, I don't like the idea of being a model for the Capitol, but this? I just don't see how I could."

I drop my gaze and nervously fiddle with my sling. I feel pathetic again, just a helpless girl getting reaped into another Game.

After a beat, Haymitch sighs loudly. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I got too ahead of myself. I was just relieved 'cause...well, it's obvious that Snow and the Gamemakers didn't think you'd win and we were worried they'd be furious."

"Why does it matter who won?"

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that you didn't die. You see," Haymitch pauses, thinking deeply. I watch as he makes his mind up about something. "You see, the Capitol wanted to punish us."

"Punish us?" I ask.

"They reaped you and Rory to send a message." Haymitch says gravely.

"What do you mean?"

"The Capitol, they…they aren't too pleased with us right now. I mean, with me. Or Katniss. Peeta a little too. They think we're stepping out of line, and this is their way of cutting that off."

"Because of what? How are you-"

Haymitch cuts me off, looking frustrated, "It's all these little things that they perceive as being rebellious. When Katniss offered those berries to Peeta, she threatened for the Games to lose their Victor. That pissed them off."

"What? They don't think Katniss-"

"That's exactly what they think," Haymitch cuts me off again. "So they take her best friend's brother and they put him in the Games. Rory was reaped to hurt Katniss. As a warning of what the Capitol can do to Gale or Primrose."

I recall the way Katniss had attempted to search the bowls during the reaping but the Peacekeepers had stood in her way. Afterwards, she had seemed so bitter to everyone on the train. Then she was arguing with Haymitch…

"Why was I reaped then?" I ask, feeling tense. "Was it because of my father?"

Haymitch says nothing, avoiding my eyes.

"I mean," I continue anxiously, "I'm friends with Katniss, obviously, and Peeta too. We have been for years. But I don't think I'm someone who could be a punishment to them. Not as much as..."

Haymitch shifts awkwardly, catching my attention. "Haymitch? What is it?"

"You were reaped because of me."

I gape at him, shocked. "What?"

"You were reaped to prove that the Capitol can still hurt me. To prove that even though they took everything from me, they can always take more."

Haymitch is looking anywhere but at me, staring down at his feet.

"After my Games, they took all I had. They took my family, my girl, everything. They did it to keep me in line but I thought that that was their mistake 'cause once you take everything from a person they have nothing left to lose. So what if I refused to do a little dance for them? What else could they do? Turns out, they can always find other ways to hurt you."

He pauses, his breath heavy. I stare at him in stunned silence.

"I didn't think I could handle it. I couldn't watch her die again." Haymitch looks back up and meets my eyes. "But you didn't die. You're still here. You survived."

He gives me a sad smile and says, "Thank you for surviving Madge."

He steps towards me, places his hands on my shoulders and kisses my forehead. Before the Games, this action might have reminded me of my father. Now it reminds me of Foster hugging me in the arena-

Stop. Don't think about that.

Haymitch exhales sharply and shakes his head, as if forcing himself to stop thinking too. He straightens up and steps back from me. I realize I'm holding my breath. I force myself to inhale as I hear someone call our names.

It's Effie, standing by the balcony rail of the train car. "Come along, you two! We're almost finished, we need to get moving."

"We'll be right there," Haymitch calls back, lifting his arm in acknowledgement. He turns back to me and hurriedly says, "I know this is a lot. I know you don't see it but..."

Haymitch keeps talking about what my role could be but I can't focus on what he's saying. All of my thoughts are jumbled together. I'm struck again by the mental image of Rory as he lay dying in the arena.

Stop thinking about this.

But this time I can't dismiss the thought. I think of how the Capitol forced Haymitch into these Games, how they killed Aunt Maysilee. How they let Rory die just to prove a point. I think how they wanted me to die but now they see some use they can get out of me. They want to mold me into their perfect little Victor, like clay-

Just then, my mind stops racing as one thought occurs to me with perfect clarity. I recall what Cinna said before my interview, when he said I represented bituminous coal.

"Black coal," I murmur aloud, interrupting Haymitch.

Haymitch pauses, "What?"

"They think they can use me like they use coal."

Most people don't think much of dull, common black coal. But coal miners have to be cautious with it because it releases so much firedamp. A few wrong moves and the firedamp will explode.

Bringing the whole mine down with it.

"Madge?" Haymitch prods. "What do you think?"

I grin at Haymitch and tell him, "I think that sounds very interesting."

Only one chapter left everyone!