CHAPTER 31
When the alarm went off, I reached over for Matt, but he wasn't in bed. I glanced around the room, but he was nowhere to be seen, so I showered and got ready for work. I peeked in on Finn, who was still fast asleep, before going downstairs. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I smelled the unmistakable aroma of coffee. I walked into the kitchen to see Matt and the stove cooking eggs. When he heard the sound of my heels on the floor, he turned his head around.
"Good morning, baby. I got up early and made breakfast. I hope you're hungry," he said. The smile on his face reassured me that the events of last night hadn't altered his mood.
"I am," I said as he handed me a cup of coffee.
"Good! I'll bring it out to the dining room when it's ready," he said. I took my coffee and the morning paper that was on the kitchen counter and sat down at the dining room table. I hadn't finished reading the headlines when Matt came in and set two plates full of bacon, eggs and toast down.
"Eat up!" he said, still wearing a big smile. I took a few bites of food and washed them down with a sip of coffee.
"Everything tastes great, Matt. Thanks for this," I said, squeezing his hand.
"You're welcome," he said. "Will you be home at the normal time today? I've got something special planned for dinner," he said.
"Yeah, I should be. I want to give Dr. McAdams a call to see if she can fit me in today. That would be the only thing to change my schedule," I said.
"Everything okay?" he asked, looking concerned.
"Yeah. I just want to make sure I'm in good health before I get pregnant again. We had such a hard time conceiving Finn that I want to do everything I can ahead of time. I want to be prepared," I said.
"That's a good idea," he said. I finished my breakfast and swallowed down the last of my coffee before getting up from the table. Matt cleaned up the dishes as I walked into the entry hall to get my bags, purse and keys. Matt met me with a travel mug full of coffee and a bagged lunch.
"Wow, you're going all out this morning, Captain! Breakfast, lunch and dinner!" I said.
"I'd do anything for you, Maddy," he said, leaning down for a kiss.
"So, you still love me, then...even after what happened last night?" I said, giving him a tentative look.
"Of course I still love you. That will never change," he said, leaning his forehead against mine and running his hands up and down my back.
"I will get there, I promise," I whispered, fighting back a few tears
"I know," he replied. He kissed me again before I walked out the front door. He followed me out onto the porch.
"Have a good day, baby. See you later," he said, blowing me a kiss as I backed out of the driveway. As I pulled away from the house, I felt an overwhelming sense of happiness fill me. The sun was shining brightly, which always put me in a good mood. Labor Day weekend was approaching and our plans to have friends over for a barbecue were beginning to take shape. Matt and I were doing well, overall. We were getting closer everyday to being back to normal. Em was right. I hadn't heard anything from Jace in the last few weeks and that had made a big difference in the way I saw Matt and our relationship. Without him around pulling at my heart, I could see things as they really were. I felt at peace with everything. I only wished that little snafu hadn't happened in bed last night. Everything leading up to that moment had been perfect...our bubble bath together, dancing in the bedroom and the feel of his hands on my body for the first time in almost two months all conspired to the two of us making love. I wanted him as much as he wanted me, but those images popping into my head so unexpectedly made everything come grinding to a halt.
As soon as I got to my desk, I sat down and called Dr. McAdams' office to see if I could set up a time for an appointment. I was thankful that Em was away from her desk when I arrived. I loved her but I couldn't bear the Spanish Inquisition she was sure to inflict first thing on a Monday morning.
"Hi, Janie...this is Maddy Casey. Is Dr. McAdams available to speak to? Okay, could you have her call me in my office when she's free? She knows my extension. Thanks," I said. I quickly busied myself by going through all the weekend reports that had been submitted by my on-call staff over the past couple of days. As I was scrolling through the second report, my phone rang.
"Madeleine Casey," I answered.
"Hi, Maddy...it's Claire McAdams."
"Hi, Claire. Thanks for calling me back so quickly."
"You're welcome. I had a few minutes between patients. What's up?"
"I wanted to know if you could see me sometime today. I know your schedule is probably jam packed, but I thought I would ask just in case."
"I can always make time for you, Maddy. Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, yeah...everything is fine. Matt and I have decided to have another baby and I wanted to make sure that it would be okay to go ahead with that. Given the difficulty we had conceiving Finn and the circumstances of his birth, I thought it best to get checked out first."
"That's great, Maddy. Yeah, it never hurts to be cautious. I can see you around four o'clock, if that works." I took a quick look at my schedule.
"That works for me."
"OK, great. You're in good physical shape, so it shouldn't be a problem. Would you be able to run down to the lab for some lab work? I'll send a requisition slip now if you can. Just routine stuff."
"Yeah, sure...no problem. It won't be fasting though."
"That's not a problem. We'll see you this afternoon." I got up from my chair and walked through the cubicles in the outer office towards the elevators. Thankfully, Em was still not at her desk. I wasn't ready to talk about this with anyone, even my best friend. I wanted to make sure I was in good physical health before I started running my mouth about trying to get pregnant. Matt and I had had difficulty conceiving Finn and I sensed it would be a struggle this time as well. I was thirty-eight years old and time was working against me. The lab tech took me in almost immediately, drew several vials of blood and a urine sample and sent me on my way. I walked back through the outer office and headed towards my office when Em caught me.
"Can we do lunch today, Mads?" she asked, looking like a puppy begging for a treat.
"Sure, but not too late. I have a ton of work to do and an appointment I have to get to before I go home," I said, immediately regretting my words.
"Is twelve thirty okay?" she asked.
"Should be," I said, trying to scoot away from her before she pried any further about the nature of my appointment. I got back to my office virtually unscathed by my personal Torquemada. I dove head first into my work, stopping only for the occasional phone call or a necessary interruption from one of my staff. I was knee deep in scheduling when my desk phone rang.
"Madeleine Casey," I said, without looking at the caller ID.
"Hello, Madeleine Casey. This is your husband, Matt Casey," said his familiar voice.
"Hey, Captain. How's everything at the Casey household?"
"Status quo, I'd say. Finn's playing with the walk along fire truck that Walker bought him, banging it into all the furniture as he goes and getting mad when he can't push everything out of his way. You know, the usual stuff," he said.
"Oh yes, I know all too well," I said, smiling into the phone.
"Did you get an appointment with Dr. McAdams?"
"I did...this afternoon at four," I said.
"Good. I'm feeling really positive about all of this, Maddy. I just wanted you to know that. It's not something I said to get you to have sex last night," he said, catching me off guard.
"I know that, Matt," I said.
"I love you, Maddy. See you later," he said.
"I love you too. Give Finn a kiss for me," I said, before hanging up the phone.
I managed to get through lunch and curtail Em's incessant need to pry by keeping her talking about work. The department's caseload was at its all time high since I had been Department Head and we benefited from discussing certain cases and issues that had come up over the weekend.
When it was fifteen minutes before four, I grabbed my purse and headed up to Dr. McAdams' office on the tenth floor. I checked in with Janie at the reception desk and took a seat in the waiting room. I was casually flipping through one of the magazines when Dr. McAdams' nurse called me into the exam room. I undressed and put on the paper gown that the nurse had left for me and hopped up on the exam table. A few minutes went by when I heard a light knock on the door.
"Hi, Maddy. How have you been? Feeling okay?" said Dr. McAdams.
"Yeah, I feel great!" I said enthusiastically.
"I must admit that you're looking pretty robust," she said.
"Isn't that a polite word for 'fat'?" I asked, making us both chuckle.
'No, not at all. I just meant you look bright and happy. Have you been enjoying this fabulous summer we've been having with your husband and little guy?"
"I have. Matt was out of work for a few weeks with an injury, so we got to spend more time together as a family than usual, so that was an unexpected and pleasant surprise."
"Is Matt okay?" she asked, sounding concerned.
"Oh, yeah. He had a sprained shoulder and a couple of cracked ribs. He's fine now," I said.
"Good to hear, Maddy," she said, turning her attention to the screen on the portable laptop that the nurse had wheeled in with her. "How's Finn doing? I haven't seen him since he was born."
"Rambunctious, precocious...all the usual adjectives for a two year old," I said.
"Is he still nursing?"
"Funny you should ask that because he seemed to have weaned himself just this week. He was only nursing just before he went to bed, but it's like someone flipped a switch and turned that part of him off. It was weird," I said.
"Well, he's two now. It happens that way sometimes. OK, down to business. When was the first day of your last period?"
"Uh, the fifth, I think. Somewhere around there. I'd have to check the calendar on my phone," I said.
"Okay. Lay back and put your feet in the stirrups," she said, squinting her eyes and pulling the laptop closer.
"Every woman's favorite part of seeing her gynecologist...said no woman ever," I said.
"True. Scoot down towards the end of the exam table," she said. I wriggled my butt down as far as I could, then put my feet back in the stirrups. She pulled on a pair of latex gloves to do the internal exam.
"Hmmmm," she said, pressing down on my abdomen. She took off her gloves and threw them in the waste receptacle.
"Everything okay, Claire? Your 'hmmmm' concerns me," I said, taking my feet down and sitting up on the exam table.
"Yeah, everything seems okay. I just want to check your labs," she said. "Hmmmm," she said again as she scrolled the screen down.
"You're scaring me now, Claire! You don't see any abnormalities, do you?"
"No...no abnormalities, per se. Everything is perfectly normal so far. Just one question...you said your last period was on the fifth. Was that this month or July?" she asked, turning her attention to a gestation wheel that she pulled out of the pocket of her lab coat. It suddenly occurred to me that we were at the end of August.
"Oh my God," I said. My heart was pounding out of my chest now.
"Yeah...oh my God. You're already pregnant, Maddy. Your labs are consistent with a normal pregnancy. I'd say you're about four or five weeks along, given the date of your last period and the size and feel of your uterus. I'd put your due date sometime early next spring, around April 20th," she said.
"Pregnant?! But that's imposs…" I said. Matt and I had been using condoms since Finn was born and until he was completely weaned from the breast. We had been diligent and hadn't had any accidents, at least not that I was aware of. I'm sure Matt would have mentioned to me if one of the condoms broke. At least I hoped he would. I looked at the wall calendar in the exam room and counted back four weeks. At the time this baby was supposedly conceived, Matt and I were separated and I was staying with Jace at The Langham. Jace and I had had unprotected sex, but Jace had made it clear several times that he was sterile. This wasn't possible.
"Have you had any tell tale signs? Morning sickness? Anything?" she asked.
"No, nothing."
"Well, it looks like you won't be needing any hormone shots this time, but I'll still want to monitor you closely. It's early yet, but your history of placenta previa is nothing to take lightly," she said, tapping on the keyboard of the laptop. "I'll want to see you again in a few weeks. I want to do a preliminary ultrasound. You can make an appointment with Janie before you leave."
"OK," I said, not really hearing what she was saying. She printed out my receipt and handed it to me. The words seemed foreign to me as I tried to make sense of them on the page.
"I'll let you get dressed now so you can get home and share the good news with Matt. Congratulations!" she said before she left the exam room. I sat in stunned silence which seemed like hours before I could move to put my clothes back on. I walked out of the exam room, feeling numb. I stopped at the reception desk to schedule my next appointment, not fully believing the news I had just been handed. I ambled through the hallway to the elevator, not being aware of where I was, but somehow managing to get back to my office.
"Jesus, Mads. You look like you've seen a ghost. You're paler than mashed potatoes on white bread. Are you okay?" asked Em. The sound of her voice seemed to snap me out of my walking coma, at least temporarily.
"Yeah, yeah...I'm fine," I said, managing a weak smile. She hopped up behind me and followed me to the door of my office. I started to close it behind me, but she wedged herself between it and the doorjamb.
"Jesus, Em. I need to make a phone call, okay?"
"Okay...but are you sure you're alright?"
"Yes, Em. I'll only be a few minutes," I said, as she backed herself out and I closed the door fully.
I sat down at my desk and pulled my phone out of my purse. I scrolled through the calendar, counting back four weeks for the second time, trying to think of a logical explanation for how this could have happened. Unless Dr. McAdams' calculations were off and Matt never told me that a condom broke, this baby was Jace Walker's. There was no way around it. Either the doctors in Germany had been wrong or Jace had lied to me. He was one of the most honest and genuine people I had ever known and I doubted he would lie about that, especially since he seemed so broken up about it. I closed the calendar and scrolled through my contacts until I landed on Jace's number. I hadn't heard from him since the night I saw him at The Roadhouse several weeks ago. I needed to know for sure that he was or wasn't the father of this baby, but I feared I would be opening up a can of worms if I told him about this. If he thought that I was carrying his baby, he could potentially cause problems for me and Matt. He had already lost his chance to be a father to Harper and I doubted he would be willing to deny himself the opportunity to be a father to this baby, if it were his. I had nowhere to turn. I couldn't help but feel that God was punishing me for being unfaithful to Matt. If this was Jace's baby, the only thing I could do was to make love to Matt as soon as possible and lie to him about when this baby was due. I was never more ashamed of myself than I was right now. Karma was a bitch after all and she just dropped a bomb.