It happened pretty fucking quickly. The loss of Denise followed by Maggie's pregnancy being in danger and then, Abraham and Glenn were dead. At the hands of a shadowy figure that Rick and his group whispered about, but that I didn't really acknowledge since I still had a few kids to teach. Eric was still going on runs, Steven had taken over for Reg and was working with Eugene to keep the walls strong.

Trey was growing like a little weed. I'd started to keep track of his growth on the door frame of my bedroom. A notch for every six months after his first birthday. Two marks, and I almost didn't believe that a little person could grow that much in six months. I was with him, inside, when I heard the commotion outside. A pounding on the gates, metal on metal it sounded like, and must have been since our house was further back than anyone else's and the sound carried.

I picked up Trey and walked to the bay window in the living room and knew, as I watched the hard looking people wandering through the streets, that the big bad wolf had come to visit. Little did I know at that moment, that I knew that wolf intimately.

I'd just stepped out onto my porch as I heard the whistle. And then his voice. A voice that I'd know anywhere. A voice I'd heard moan, scream, growl, and demand. My head jerked toward the sound, and there he was, like a walking dream or nightmare. Wearing the jacket I'd given him, the swagger of his hips, and the scruff I'd told him repeatedly that I loved.

"Mama?" Trey's tiny hand cupped my cheek forcing my eyes to land on his little pinched face. "K?"

I nodded, kissing his forehead to sooth him, and me if I was being fucking honest. "Yeah, Mama's ok, baby."

"Holy fuck!" I felt my stomach twist and I knew, without a fucking doubt, that Negan had seen me. "AMARA?!"

And there he was, standing at the foot of the steps of my porch, looking up at me like he was seeing a ghost. I could fucking relate. "Negan." I was happy to hear my voice sound steady and not even slightly breathless. "Rick." I saw our leader looking like the beaten puppy he'd resembled since coming back without Glenn and Abraham.

"Mama?" Trey's hand came back to my cheek. I could feel his stress, and I kissed his forehead again, seeing Negan's eyes widen.

"Mama?" His deep voice repeated, staring between Trey and I. "How fucking long have we been apart?"

I rolled my eyes. "Trey, sweetie, can you go inside and find uncle Steven?" I set him on his tiny feet and opened the front door. "Tell him to come outside after he gets you a drink, we have a visitor." I knew that the entire message would be lost in translation, but I didn't want my little boy to witness whatever was coming. Turning back to find Negan still staring at me like I wasn't only a ghost, but that I was a fucking ghost he didn't really know was almost priceless. "Mary made me promise to take care of him if anything happened- Not that I owe you an explanation." I crossed my arms over my chest. "So Coach Negan is the big bad, times don't change much, do they?"

A woman rushed up to him and they had a quiet heated debate, and then there was a gunshot from the direction of our infirmary and I felt vindicated when he turned to rush toward the sound. But then, asshole that Negan was, he turned back to me and said that one word that once help promise, but now sounded like a goddamn threat, "Soon."

Carl had fired the shot, I learned later. All the guns were being confiscated, which became a true problem when the inventory was short. Poor Olivia, she'd taken over when Mary passed, was probably in a fit of fear and worry with Negan and his band of assholes. They went house to house, including ours. Steven had come out just as Negan turned the corner to find out the source of the gunshot, and once I told him he was cursing Eric going on a run.

Negan returned, after the mattresses were removed from ALL the beds (except cribs, thank God), and then the bed frames were taken too. Guns, beds, mattresses wasn't he just amazing? He came bounding up the steps and demanded that I come with him, to his headquarters, and I could bring Trey with me.

"No." Short and sweet, and I saw his eyes flash at my unwillingness. "This is our home, we're not going anywhere."

"Fine," and I felt vindicated and like I'd won a victory. "Kill that one-" he pointed at a random neighbor and I saw the same woman who'd tattled about whatever earlier raise her gun.

"WAIT!" I looked down at the man I'd once thought I'd live the rest of my life with, and saw a complete stranger standing in his spot. "I'll come, but Trey stays." I swallowed past a lump that was forming in my throat. Trey was inside with his toys during this, and I walked inside and told him I had to go for a very short trip, but that his uncles would be with him the entire time. Steven was looking very green, having witnessed our showdown through the same bay window I'd stood in front of earlier that day. "Don't worry," I told him, giving him a hug of his own. "I'll be back, I swear." He didn't look convinced, but he knew that Trey could pick up on our stress so he forced it down. "Now," I held out my hands and Trey launched himself into my arms. "Kiss Mama goodbye, and I'll make uncle Stevie promise two bedtime stories." Trey gave me a wet sloppy kiss on my cheek and I smacked my lips against his cheek loudly getting a giggle. "I love you, baby."

"Love ya," and then he was wiggling to be let back down. I set him down, gave him a long lingering look because I wanted nothing more than to stay with him and read books all night long, but instead, I would go with Negan if only to save another life.

The ride to wherever he was taking me was quiet and strained. He knew me well enough to know that he couldn't force me to speak if I didn't want to. Negan did try, however, to get me to say anything. I think he was shocked by how angry I seemed. How irritated his very presence was, and of course he thought he knew the answer.

"Who is he?" I waited, wondering what the fuck he meant. "Amara, who is he?"

I finally turned to face him, happy to see he was paying attention to the road. I studied his profile, seeing the very subtle differences that eighteen months could create on someone's face. I wondered if I looked different to him?

"Answer me, princess." I snorted and he shot me a look. A glare actually.

"First of all, I'm not a princess." I turned back to stare out my window. "Second of all, you don't fucking have any fucking right to order me to do anything." I heard his sharp intake of breath at this. "And lastly, I'd answer your idiotic question if I knew what the fuck you were asking. Who's who?"

I could hear the leather of his gloves tighten on the steering wheel. "Whoever you ended up with." What? I was forced to turn to face his profile again. Was he insane?

"The fuck are you talking about?" I sounded as uneducated as his question would assume he was. "Who the fuck has time for romance now?!"

"Romance?" It was his turn to snort. "No one said 'romance', sweetheart."

"I'm not your sweetheart either, Negan." I growled, forcing myself to tear my gaze away from the sharp lines of his face, the curve of his lips, the scruff I'd always wanted him to sport, but he hadn't because he thought it looked too dangerous for a coach.

Another clutch of his gloves against the wheel. "Not mine, then whose?"

"Have you lost your fucking mind?" I refused to face him again, clearly he'd gone completely bonkers from the strain of the world collapsing. "I'm not with anyone, unless you count Eric and Steven, then I guess I'm the unicorn in a gay marriage, but I'm the unicorn that doesn't get fucking touched, you asshole."

"Are you trying to tell me that in a year and a half, you haven't once had anyone-"

"Stop right fucking there, Negan." Still staring at the nonexistent view outside the steadily moving truck I felt like I wanted to reach over and slap the shit out of him. "Again, none of your fucking business, but NO, there's been NO ONE since the world went to shit."

"I-" He started, but I went on.

"Is this your way of easing me into the conversation about your mistress? Did you rescue her and are you taking me to show me that you found your 'one'?" I snarked at him, thinking that sounds about right. He just stole the beds of an entire community to show what a big cock he had, so why not show your ex that you leveled up during the apocalypse?

"Mistress?" He sounded uncertain, but I didn't check to confirm. "Sweet- Amara, what the fuck are you talking about?"

"The redhead?" I offered, rolling my shoulders to release the rapidly building tension in my neck. "You know, the naked one in the selfie you two took in her bed?" I waited, but nothing came from his side of the truck. "Too vague? Maybe you had a LOT of redheads that took naked selfies with you in their bed, wouldn't surprise me."

"Amara," it came out as a whisper, and it sounded pained, but I didn't care. "Why didn't you say-"

"When?" I finally turned and saw that his eyes looked pinched with whatever emotion he was feeling currently. "When was I supposed to say it? When you rushed off to supposedly your ex wife's deathbed? When you were rushing to a job that you didn't need to take? When you barely spoke to me when you picked up a bag I PACKED FOR YOU to leave me with?" I watched him swallow hard. "I was so fucking stupid wasn't I?"

"You don't understand." Negan's voice sounded like he was fighting a cold, it was hard to hear.

I snorted again. "Damn right I don't." I turned back to the window. "Take me back, Negan. Back to my son, back to my family. This is pointless."

He didn't, because of course he didn't. Instead, the ride was silent again. I didn't pay attention to the route, I knew that I'd be back in Alexandria soon, but I would be driven back by one of his people. I wouldn't have to come alone. And I wouldn't have to stay in his presence for much longer. I'd let him have whatever say he thought he needed, and hopefully, I'd be home by morning.

The Sanctuary. What could be said about the Sanctuary? It was a former factory, clearly. It was 'secured' by foaming at the mouth dead, which was an interesting touch. And the people that lived there appeared to be a cult.

What else would you call a bunch of assholes that knelt in the dirt as Negan of all people walked by? Or God help me, who answered "I am Negan" or "Negan" when the asshole next to me asked them who they were. Seriously, what was in the fucking water here? Note to self: Don't fucking drink ANYTHING in these walls.

The harem. That was what I had a feeling was coming. That's a lie. I'd assumed that I'd fucking meet my replacement, absolutely, but I had no idea that my replacement was a multitude.

I shook my head as they clamored for his attention, realizing that Daryl was standing next to me with a start. I'd forgotten that he'd been taken, and he looked terrible. Dirty, but that was normal for Daryl, and those sweats? Ew. He was looking down and I wondered if it was because of me.

"Daryl?" I kept my voice down, I had learned that trick from Negan after all. I saw Daryl's fist flinch so I knew he heard. "Are you alright?" Another flinch, this time in his shoulder. Shit, had this moron hurt him? "Damn him."

"Amara," I glanced up and saw that Negan was watching me. I raised an eyebrow and waited. "Come with me, please?" Ah, not an order, how lovely. "D, take our guest back to his rooms." He shot a look toward Daryl and I felt my stomach twist.

Wondering if I should just put my foot down and demand my return to Alexandria, I looked around the room his little women were loitering in and I felt my lips go tight. MY FURNITURE. This was the furniture from our house, the family room to be exact. That fucking ass-

"Amara?" My eyes flashed to his and I saw him gulp again. "Let's go somewhere more private." Good idea, wouldn't want your fucking cocubines to see me rip you asshole to sternum, would you?

I stalked toward the door he was holding open for me and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was radiating rage. And if he assumed the room he brought me to would lessen it, he was a fucking moron. Our living room furniture in one corner and MY FUCKING BED right there.

"You motherfucking-" I felt his hand on my elbow and jerked free, ignoring the tingle his skin created against mine. Turning to face him I almost got the rest unleashed, but Negan never fights fair, ever. He tugged me to him and then his lips met mine and I felt it still. The same rush, the same need, and God fucking help me the same love.

He nipped at my lower lip and I sighed, letting his tongue in for a dance with mine. And my hands found the back of his head, and my body was flush against his and I didn't care for a moment about the text or the other women just outside. All I cared about was the way he felt against me. The taste of his mouth. The scent of him. And the fact that I missed him. That I felt more relief that I wanted to admit to that he was alive. And that I wanted him. Just as much as I had the very first time we kissed.

"God, I missed you," he breathed when we came up for air, his breath fanning my wet lips. "I was so fuckin' scared that you were GONE." And then he dipped back in for more and I forgot why I didn't want this, him. Why I needed to go home, why this was a bad idea. "I love you, Amara."

That was the trigger, it seemed, hearing him say he loved me let me pull away. I gave a harsh laugh. "You love me?" I shook my head and walked toward one of the windows that was dressed in the curtains we'd chosen for our living room. "Love? You LOVE me?" I wondered when the words would make sense again. "There are how many women outside sitting on MY fucking furniture, waiting to TOUCH you, Negan?"

I heard him sigh. Exasperated, that's rich. "I know how it must look-"

If I kept snorting, Eric was going to end up calling me Miss Piggy, I fucking knew it. "It looks like you replaced me pretty fucking easily, Negan." I turned and took note of a baseball bat wrapped in barbwire. "Interesting weapon." I saw him flinch. "Wait, why did you look like that when I-"

Another gulp from him and his eyes tightened. "Lucille?"

"What about her?" I was confused, and then he raised the bat. "You named it after your ex wife." I shook my head and laughed, Jesus, this was getting better and better. "So you have a harem," I pointed in their general direction. "And a bat named after your ex wife." Head nod toward the wooden plank. "Where the fuck does the missing me coming in?"

I watched him look around the room. The furniture and decor. Really?

"You went back to our house and gutted it so your new digs would look classy?" Yeah, I was done. "Who's going to drive me back to Alexandria?" He stared at me like I'd lost MY mind. "Seriously, I'm out. This is ridiculous. The feigned jealousy of an imaginary lover of mine. The bat named after your ex. The fucking harem sitting their weird Stepford wife looking asses on MY former furniture. And MY FUCKING BED looking like a porn set when I don't own a mattress anymore. Yep, I'm done." I turned toward the door.

"It's all here." His voice was still quiet, but it stopped me. "Everything from our house. Including all your-"

"Tell me you don't have a fucking clothing shrine sitting here, Negan. Or-" I groaned. "Do your girls get to play dress up as me? Because that's fucking disturbing."

"No," his voice was low, but not the same seductive tone I remembered, this was far different. "They touch nothing in this room, especially not your things." I shook my head, he sounded almost insulted that I'd suggested it. "I'd kill everyone in this building if they touched your-"

"You'd murder people over my underwear?" I shook my head, but didn't face him. "Let me go, Negan. You made your life, and I have one of my own. Hell, you even have variety."

"I only want you." Another whisper, and it cut me to the bone. "Just you, Amara-"

"Then set me free, Negan," my hand was on the doorknob. "Or lock me up with Daryl, because that's the only way I'm staying here."