Chapter 33
The three of them frowned. It was not to be blamed, as the headmaster had seldom shown interests in the Slytherin boy. Or rather, never.
This got them wondered, has he found out about their secret? Of course he couldn't have figured it out, they made sure no one ever does. But it is extremely difficult to keep things secret in this castle and Dumbledore has a means of knowing things.
Severus bit his lip, his hands curled into fists. Sirius laid his hand upon the chalk-white fist, giving an assuring look even though he himself grew worried.
"Hey, We'll just wait outside, come quickly, okay?"
Severus gave a nod, finding the two Gryffindor boys smiling at him. He took a deep breath, and headed to the headmaster's office.
What does he want with Severus? Surely he couldn't have figured it out. Please let him stay oblivious.
His heart was pounding madly in his ears, and perspiration started to wet his hands and forehead. If he was worried sick before, he felt like he was going to die out of heart attack. What happens if Dumbledore knows about his secret? Would he be appalled by it? Would he try to take Caelum from Severus?
Severus clenched his fists.
No one will take his child away from him. Whatever Dumbledore means to do, there won't be anything happen to Caelum. Mimny would have gotten to the place Sirius told her. She would be waiting for them to come, taking care of Caelum meanwhile.
Nothing will happen.
Severus forced himself to convince that.
Severus glared at the door determinedly. He felt the dent on his lower lip when he licked it. Wiping his clammy hands on the cloak, Severus tried to calm himself. Embracing himself for whatever to come, Severus knocked on the door.
"Enter."
When gentle voice gave permission, Severus pushed the door and got inside the office. The room was filled with the antiquities and queer objects. Shelves by shelves, there were various things occupying them, making the space quite packed but not quite messy. Yet none of them attracted Severus' attention but the owner of this place.
"Mr. Snape, come," lines around his eyes wrinkled as the old wizard smiled friendly, who gestured a chair in front of his desk. "Please take a seat."
Severus obliged.
"You asked to see me, professor?"
He sighed inwardly as his voice came out calm and neutral.
The old professor nodded his head and smiled at him with his usual twinkle in his blue eyes. Such look on his face made Severus' stomach churned. Those sky blue eyes, although quite attractive in their colour, concealed so many secrets. Albus Dumbledore may be a professor in a school, but he was not a man to be underestimated.
He never fails to hide the truth in those gleaming blue orbs.
"Indeed I did, my boy."
Severus straightened himself, preparing himself for whatever that may come.
"Would you like a cup of lemon tea, my boy?"
"What?" Severus blurted out, quite put off with the older wizard's question.
Yet the man simply smiled, cocking his head slightly to the side, "Lemon tea, it's quite tasty I can assure you. It's a bit sour but delectable. It helps with your appepitite."
Severus shook his head.
"Oh, but you wouldn't mind me drinking it?"
"...No", Severus muttered.
Dumbledore lifted his wand and waved it. Then, the set of tea things flew over and started to make the drink on its own.
When the teapot poured the tea, the old professor took a sip, his blue eyes never leaving Severus'.
"So, how are you?"
Severus frowned despite of himself as he couldn't grasp the meaning of question.
"Your head of house informed me that you did splendid job in your studies. I congratulate you, my boy, Horace is a generous man but he does not give false assessments. Especially not in Potions.
But I wondered how things are with you in general sense? Is your health returned to your usual state?" Professor Dumbledore asked in a very light tone.
Severus tried to smooth out a crease between his brows, but he cannot help but wonder if there was anything hidden in that mundane question.
Eventually, he gave a small nod, "Yes. I'm quite alright now, professor."
"Good, that's very good. You are too young to realise, child but your health is your asset that nothing in the world could ever truly replace." Ridiculously, Dumbledore made rather serious look while uttering this pep talk.
"Indeed." Severus agreed absent-mindedly.
"I remember a man in my days who had poor status in his vigor, and-" The old wizard started, stroking his long white beard.
He spoke of a man who was very ill yet very rich, and the tale of him failing to 'buy' his health with so many potions and charms and eventually fallen into bleak death. Severus let the story passed through him without really taking it seriously.
When the professor refused to give true purpose for this meeting, Severus grew restless and impatient.
He tried to hold himself as much as he could but the thought of his child waiting for him in a strange place pushed him over the edge.
"Why did you want to see me, sir?"
The question put a stop to the endless talk Dumbledore was making. He halted altogether and stared at Severus with an expression that the Slytherin boy cannot read its meaning. A flicker of sudden fire shown in those blue orbs before it was concealed by usual twinkle.
"I am sure you remember Runespoor incident at the Hogsmeade street, Mr. Snape?"
Severus managed to stay still without flinching but he cannot help his face paled at the word.
Professor Dumbledore nodded as if he understands Severus' emotion.
"It was quite terrible and unacceptable that there should be anyone being attacked so ruthlessly on their way to the castle. Did Mr. Black suffer any lingering side-effects from the poison?" The older man's eyes penetrated into Severus'.
Severus gulped. He cannot see the reason behind the man's question so he stared at the older wizard waiting for any clues.
Dumbledore gave a knowing look and took another sip of his tea.
"I ask this question merely because it appeared that you have developed an interesting friendship this year. As I understood, you and Mr. Black used to brew an ill-feeling towards each other, have you not?" Dumbledore said, a hint of mischief in his voice.
Severus still said nothing but the old wizard seemed unperturbed as though he wasn't expecting an answer.
"It is quite unusual yet wonderful to overcome an animosity, supposing that was what it was between you and Mr. Black, my boy, and to establish true camaderie with your old foe. Such things are so rare that seldom occur. I wish you and Mr. Black to continue this wonderful change and develop further intercourse." The man continued his talk regardless of Severus' anxiety growing stronger as it did.
"Mr. Black, despite his flaws, is quite magnificent Gryffindor. He truly dwells on the brave at heart, disdains all injustice inflicted on innocents." Here, Severus had to frown, as he couldn't quite agree with the last statement. Yet, oblivious to his facial expression, Dumbeldore said, "Should he desire to fight for the victims of such infliction, he would be a great warrior."
A fist gripped down on Severus' knee, as he struggled not to stand up and leave. He knew the man to be an odd coot, but he now realised the man can be quite incoherent with his talk. Or was he simply trying to stall time so that Severus could spill the bins out for him?
"A man such as him, requires a friend whom he can trust." Dumbledore stated.
Something came like blow to Severus. He cannot point his finger at what it was but somehow, he knew he won't be liking where this conversation leads to.
"He has friends." Severus muttered.
Dumbledore, his blue eyes twinkled, smiled, "Indeed he has. But I was talking of friends that may help him in more realistic sense."
Severus frowned, "what do you mean?"
"Mr. Snape, you are exceedingly talented in magic. Horace has been extremely proud to have you as his student, I am sure you are aware. He emphasized on your singularity in potions, which outstands above all the other. And your Defense against Dark Arts teacher informed me of your ingenuity in spells, as well."
Severus blushed for a moment, unease at hearing compliments, before another shock came through him. He met the older professor's stare with a dawning realisation.
"Such talents should be more than enough to aid the boy's desire to help others."
The man wasn't trying to prod on his secret; he was trying to recruit him as his soldier.
Severus may have left the dark side but he knew, like everyone else, that the man in front of him is the only person in this world who could match the Dark Lord in real sense. The Dark Lord fears only one person and Albus Dumbledore, the old coot, is the one. And it is not difficult to predict that this is the only man who would try to fight off the Dark forces. But Dumbledore was no fool. He would know he cannot fight alone and it's easy to think that he would try to recruit as much force as he could gather to build a countering force.
Severus knew not of the existent of Order of the Pheonix but he could guess at it.
Cold sweat in his forehead seemed to dry off as his heart pounded in different emotion. It was ridiculous. It was hilarious.
Of all these years, the man never gave Severus a sliver of interest and now, he wants him to be his pawn for his chess.
"Of course, I do not imply that Mr. Black would be on battle fields any time soon", Dumbledore interluded, probably because he noticed Severus had gotten his message. "I merely congratulate on both of you for ascending above all negativity and became true friends."
"Thank you, sir", Severus replied rather mechanically.
"Well, I musnt' keep you so long, child. It is your graduation day. It would be a memory to keep after years to come, Mr. Snape, off you go." Dumbledore eyed on the door.
Severus stood up without hesitating and left the room, after giving a short nod.
When Severus came out of the castle, he was immediately approached by two Gryffindors. Sirius protectively covered his arm around Severus' shoulder, his grey eyes filled with care and concerns. Severus had to smother his smile creeping up, as he was reminded of a well-bred dog trying to please his master.
"What did he say? Did he….?" Sirius couldn't finish his words.
Severus shook his head side to side, "Later."
Sirius opened his mouth to say something but closed it again.
When they were at the lake side, the three of them had to part as each head of house were waiting for them in respective posts. He saw Sirius and Lupin joining with the other marauders, whom welcomed them with wide grins. Suddenly, Severus was overwhelmed by the thought of having to take into a boat full of pre-Death Eaters. Silver and green colours penetrating his sight.
He used to love these colours but now they have turned into painful reminder that they are no longer safe for him.
But just as when he became petrified with fear, professor Slughorn boomed as he got nearer.
"Ah, Mr. Snape. Now, now, stands here, with these ladies."
He gestured a pair of girls Severus knew only by their surnames and he got into the boat with them. Severus felt awkward at being with girls but it seemed they didn't even realise he was with them, preoccupied with their conversation. It always is easier for Severus to go unnoticed so it didn't matter to him they ignored him.
A magically magnified voice rung around the lakeside. All eyes focused on to one man wearing a deep blue velvet cloak and lots of tiny pink ribbons tied in his beard. Albus Dumbledore was giving the last speech to the graduates, bidding farewell and wishing their luck on their future.
Students listened with a perplexed feeling. They all felt relieved to be rid of stresses that exams, studies and assignments but to be rid of Hogwarts, meaning they would never have to come back, somehow made all of them equally emotional. Hogwarts, despite many things happening inside, was magic itself to them.
Severus felt no different.
As bleak as his childhood was, Severus longed to enter this castle as long as he could remember. Those days when he told young, oblivious Lily about this place, mixed with imagination due to lack of knowledge himself, were still vivid as if they were yesterday. His desperation to be with Lily at all times in this castle, the moments when the two studied Potions together, fighting with the Marauders and the yearnings to become a greater man than James Potter. It was only thirteen, when he decided to join the Dark Lord's force.
Severus couldn't begin to explain how desperate he was in those days, how scared and how chased he felt.
Life was a misery to Severus and he always felt like someone would hurt him again and again. He would have done the same thing to anyone, brutally inflicting agony to anyone, as life had done to him.
Was it because of that? Was it because of his twisted, ugly desire to pour out his own pain to others that turned things to where it is now?
The moment when he was raped, the moment when he walked into his own death, such things were too horrific to say that they are a gifts, but they did stop him from where he was heading to. Severus only managed to stop himself when something maimed him, obstructing his steps towards the Dark.
Perhaps it had been a punishment. A punishment given from the castle itself, to thwart Severus from doing the wrong things that he so desired to commit.
Perhaps, like a organic creature, this castle wanted to protect and punish and play with its residents.
Do not go there, do not let yourself thrown into the pit. Perhaps, it was giving a warning to Severus, pressing a pause to all the horrors Severus going to lash out at the world. It was awful thing to endure to have himself drag down to the bottom but than again, Severus can see now that he would have done the same thing to himself.
It was indeed, brutal and merciless lesson Hogwarts inflicted upon Severus.
But it stopped him.
It stopped him from tearing himself apart in bitterness and loathing.
It stopped him from falling into the darkness he sentenced himself to.
And for that, Hogwarts will always be his home. He shall miss this castle, for as long as he remained alive, for ever.