I'm Sorry

I hurried home. I didn't even let Aries finish with what she's saying. The only thing on my mind right now is to get home.

I have many speculations in my mind and all of those are dreadful. But in the end, I just accepted what I wanted to avoid. It is probably Natsu. It's couldn't be other people. Beau has only one look alike and it's his father.

I ran the distance from the resto I was in to my condo's tower. I don't know anymore why my heart is beating to loud. Is it because of what's happening or because of me running.

"Good morning, ma'am!" The guard who was near the lift greeted me.

I hurriedly clicked the right button. While the lift if making its way up, I feel nauseous. When it finally stopped in the right floor, I quickly went out.

My sweat is cold and I feel like there's not even a drop of blood left on my veins. Butterflies are floating freely on my stomach. They said that it's supposed to be a great feeling but I'm feeling nothing but dread.

I quickly turned the door handle of my unit. I felt drenched in cold water at what I saw.

Natsu was holding Beau's toy car. His eyes flew to me. I felt his gaze piecing my soul which made me felt colder.

"Want more!" Beau exclaimed while using his toy car as a plane.

My throat dried. I swallowed hard when Beau turned to me. His head tilted and greeted me with a blinding smile.

"Mommy home!" he said as he tried his best to get down on the sofa where he was sitting beside Natsu.

I placed the paper bag on the nearest table with trembling hands. Natsu helped Beau to get off the sofa. He gently held his thighs and raised him a bit before putting him down on the floor to walk towards me.

Beau ran to me. I welcomed him by carrying him in my arms. When I stood up with Beau, I found myself facing Natsu who's also standing now. His eyes were pitch black. I can feel the anger and threat in his eyes. I feel like I should step back but I couldn't. His huge steps slowly ate the distance between us. My chest wants to burst. My heart wants to run.

"Play cars! I want!" Beau said while pointing at Natsu.

Natsu looked at Beau who smiled at him in return. My heart raced while looking at them staring at each other.

Beau smiled wider. His smile resembles Natsu's smile. I almost cried while looking at Natsu. His lips are parted, eyes cannot leave Beau.

"Mommy! Mommy!" Beau said while forcing me to look at him using his small hands. I did what he wanted.

"What i-is it baby?" my voice cracked.

"Lucy..." Natsu's voice is calm but with hardness.

I bit my lip and looked at him again. He released a deep breath before opening his mouth but nothing came out. My hold on Beau tightened.

"L-Let me hold him..."

I felt a wam hand caressing my heart upon hearing Natsu's cracking voice.

My hands trembled while giving Beau to him. I saw the confusion on my son's face. He wanted to stay in my arms but here I am, giving him to other people. To a man he just met. To a man he just saw today.

Beau couldn't smile any longer. Natsu raised him in the air. His small hand is still gripping the toy car that Loke gave. He looked at me.

Natsu put him down and hugged him tight. "Mommy?" Beau called.

The hot tears clouded my vision, threatening to fall. I touched Beau's back.

My son's eyes stayed on me. Natsu kept on staring at him in bewilderment.

Natsu turned to me after a minute of staring at Beau.

"Let's talk," he said.

My chest rose at nervousness. He didn't return Beau to me but he put him on the sofa. I stayed silent, observing him as he carefully placed Beau there.

"I'm sorry..." was the only thing that escaped my lips.

Natsu didn't move. He continued looking at Beau while he's playing with his toy cars.

"Like cars!" Beau said.

"Aries..."

"Y-Yes, Miss..." she quickly said.

I saw her looking at me while still on the kitchen with confusion in her eyes, "Please feed Beau..."

"O-okay, Miss..." she shyly glanced at Natsu before taking my son.

Aries quickly carried Beau. He didn't protest because of the toy in his hand. Natsu stood up like he's afraid that Beau would fall down while Aries is carrying him.

Natsu looked at me once before turning to Aries. When Beau and Aries were no longer in our sight, I saw his eyes returned to me.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't tell you-"

I didn't finish because he quickly nailed my body to the wall behind me. I closed my eyes when he hit the wall beside me. He caged me in his arms and body.

"You didn't tell me what?" was his slow but angry voice.

"Th-That you..."

"That what, Lucy!?" He couldn't stop the slight raise on his voice.

"That you have a son..." I almost cried saying this.

"Damn it!"

He punched the wall. The sound it produced because of its impact made me shut my eyes tight.

"Why?" he asked.

I couldn't answer. I have many reasons before but because of how broken he is right now, I don't think any of those are reasonable enough to justify how hurt he is right now.

"Why? What... What did I lack? Why? Damn it, Lucy!"

His face fell down on my shoulder, his forehead resting on its curve. I can feel the heat in his breath.

"What did I do to receive this from you?" his voice is full of anger and regret.

My tears fell. I couldn't properly breathe because of my sobs.

"Huh? Lucy? What!?" he raised his face and our eyes levelled.

"What did I do and you didn't tell me about this? Tell me!"

"Natsu... we started as fuck buddies. You asked me to use birth control pills. I know you didn't want a child-

"Damn it! You're not ready for a child years ago! You were so young, Lucy!"

My throat dried but I still managed to talk, "And everything was messy before, you know that! We thought you're the mastermind of what happened in Magnolia. I thought this was all just your plan and you would be devastated if you knew that I'm pregnant —"

He cursed once before aggressively sealing my lips with his kisses. The tears I stopped earlier started falling again. He kissed me thoroughly. He kissed me like with authority. I was like he's owning every corner of my mouth. He kissed me violently. I was almost out of breath because of his kisses but he continued. He bit my lower lip before stopping.

"What did you do, Lucy?" he asked.

I shook my head, "I'm sorry. I was about to tell you when we went to Balsam but —"

"You should have told me when you knew that you're pregnant! Damn it! Fuck!" He shouted, "I was blind at all of these! You didn't even give me the chance to decide when this isn't all about you! This is about is! The two of us! And our son!"

"I'm scared! Yes, I am young! And scared, Natsu! I don't know anything about your issues before! It was a shock to me —"

"And you didn't even ask me? You didn't even tell me!? Or try to tell me!? Lucy! Three years ago, I was already badly smitten with you and-"

"I didn't know! You never told me! You have your Touka and you're a playboy —"

"I did everything to make you feel it! Because I know you know I'm used to relationships like that! That you'll think I'm just lying if I told you so I just let you feel it! Damn it! I have a... damn it! Lucy, we have a child!" he declared, "And when you returned, I even thought you and... Fuck!"

He massaged his temple and took a step back.

I grimaced while looking at him. He's furious with what happened. I wonder if he can still forgive me?

"You had all the chance to tell me! If you're scared that I don't love you, then, Luce, I begged for you in that god damn dance floor. What happened?"

I shook my head, "I got scared. I chickened out..."

He shut his eyes and looked up. He took a deep breath while I wiped the tears on my face.

"I'm sorry, Natsu... I'm really sorry..." I repeatedly said.

He opened his eyes and looked at me. I saw how his eyes became soft as he stared at me while I'm wiping my tears.

"How old our son?" his tone now is calmer.

"He's almost two..." I said, voice still trembling.

"What's his real name?"

"Beaumont Adams Heartfilia..."

He didn't talk. I didn't look at him again. My eyes stayed on my hands.

"Where did you gave birth?"

"In Stella."

"When?"

"October 27, X789"

He sighed before walking towards the kitchen. I got stoned in my position, stomach still cold. I forced myself to take steps to follow Natsu to the kitchen.

I saw how he went to Beau. My son... our son... is in the high chair. There's food in his mouth but he smiled at Natsu. Natsu smiled back.

"Hi, big boy! Are you hungry?" Natsu asked, his voice touched my heart.

"Yes!" Beau shouted, angry, "Mommy! Pasta!?"

Natsu turned to me. His eyes still sharp but not as lethal as earlier. I walked towards Beau.

I wiped his mouth, "Mommy forgot to buy you pasta. This one's delicious t-too..."

I grabbed his spoon and fed him some more. He accepted it. I turned to Aries who's amazed while looking at the three of us there. Great!

"He likes pasta?" Natsu asked.

Y-Yes..."

I turned to him and saw that he removed the first two buttons of his top. I wanted to ask the status of the situation and the reason why he's here but I couldn't.

He sat on the chair beside Beau before taking out his phone and placing it on his ear.

"Beau play after?" Beau asked me.

I nodded, "Yes, you will. You need to eat first and take a bath, okay?"

"Hello..." Natsu said, "I can't make it today. Cancel all my meetings. Give all the reports to Zeref. Cancel everything. And I won't go back to Balsam..."

I tried to act calm when I heard everything.

"I don't know. Just... I make it today... I won't be available tomorrow. I can't come..." he repeated.

Aries and I looked at each other and she blushed while muttering her signature apologies. I don't know if I should blame her for this or what. I also don't know if I should be happy for this or what.

Natsu listened to his phone like the person on the other line is reporting something.

"I will call her later. If she calls again tell her I won't be back in Balsam... Not tomorrow and not the other day. I can't promise anything. I won't be back yet, just tell her."

He stayed silent, listening to the reply to him.

"No, I'll call Zeref myself. I'll call him later."

He dropped the call and clicked something on his phone before placing it back on his ear.

"Order five pasta meals in Magia. Tell Invel to come here, I'll give him the key to my condo. Get some of my clothes there and give it to me here in Lucy's condo."

He finally put his phone down. We looked at each other.

"Clothes? For w-what?" I asked despite having a clue.

He sharply looked at me, "I am staying here for the mean time-"

"Why about work —"

"Do you think there's something more important than this, Lucy!? This our son!"

Aries timidly gasped at what Natsu said. Both of us looked at her. I still don't know if I should scold her for letting strangers in or what...

"I'm sorry..." I repeated.

He didn't flinch. His eyes returned to Beau who's innocently smiling. I don't care anymore if Aries is here and if she's listening.

"I'm really sorry. I just don't really know how. I was confused and I don't know the truth. I just learned that you're not at fault when I got back. And I'm sorry for what happened to you. I'm sorry that my father filed a case."

"Your sorry isn't enough..." he coldly said, his piercing onyx eyes rested on me, "I need more..."

"I'm so sorry..." I repeated again.

He averted his eyes.