Duya came and got me, and we went to the room with the quote on the wall. I sat down and placed my hands in my lap, our last session about anger was kind of exhausting.
"You look kind of whipped out," she noticed.
"We just had a group with Dudly about anger. It was... interesting."
"Most people don't really talk a lot in groups until their first week or so here. You are making tremendous progress."
"I want to go home."
"You will," she promised. "What is our deal?"
"You won't take me anywhere you won't lead me out."
"You trust me?"
"Yeah."
"Tell me about your father."
What the hell? "I don't have one. Haven't you read my file?"
"You have someone who you think is your father. Someone like a father you have bonded with. I want you to talk to me about him."
I tried to figure out who the hell she was talking about? Qui-Gon Jinn I owed everything too, but he died when I was nine and I had known him for like two weeks. A mentor maybe, but hardly a father figure. Then there was Obi-Wan, a man I considered a brother to me, and once I considered my father. But we were too close in age, and fought all the time. He didn't really discipline me like a father more scoffed at me like an exasperated brother. We were yin and yang, like twins joined at the hip, not really father and son. Padme had a dad, Ruwee, and I had met, even as Padme's boyfriend, but it was only once and we didn't really have a relationship. The only father figure I really had in fact the only time someone had even called me "son" or "my boy" was…
"Fuck no!" I got up and was ready to storm out of that damn session. There was no way in hell I was talking about Palpatine.
The door locked, trapping me inside. Furious, I turned toward Duya, who calmly said, "safety measure."
"He's not my father!" I screamed.
"Well who is he?"
"The asshole who ruined my life and stuck me in here!"
"Who was he to you two weeks ago?"
I paused and thought about it. Two weeks ago, I would have died for the son of a bitch. One week ago, I would have killed for him.
"Anakin, Obi-Wan has talked to me. He told me how Palpatine has influenced your training, and of your friendship. The Council in their blindness to end the war even played on that friendship. To find out all this time that he was a Sith Lord, has to weigh on you. You have to talk about it."
"Where is he?" I asked.
"The day you were admitted four Jedi went to arrest him, including Mace Windu. Only Mace Windu survived but Palpatine escaped. He tried to take over the Senate revealing himself as a Sith Lord, but Master Yoda, Mace Windu, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Ahsoka Tano confronted him. He fled off planet, and we believe into the Outer Rim territories. Master Windu is tracking him, Yoda has gone off looking for the Grey Jedi, and Kenobi and Tano are here guarding Coruscant in case he returns, looking after Senator Amidala and you."
"I should be with them. I am the Chosen One. He can kill anybody, and I am stuck IN HERE!" I roared.
"You are taking care of yourself. You can't be the Chosen One if you are sick."
I didn't say anything. I just stared at the quote and let tears roll down my eyes. "I am mentally ill. I can say that. I am not ashamed of that. I am still surviving it. But bring it on. Better me than you."- Risha Synata.
"I don't want to be mentally ill," I whispered.
"I know," said Duya. "But read that quote again. She learned how to survive it. How can you survive this Anakin?"
I remembered Watto's hand hitting after I lost a podrace, I remember the sting of a whip when someone stole from a shop when I had to watch to many people at once, I remember saying goodbye to my mother when I became a Jedi knowing I would never see her again, I remember burying Qui-Gon, leaving Padme behind for the life of a Jedi, burying my mother after months of nightmares, going to war after just weeks of being married to Padme. I looked at the quote and whispered, "I can survive anything."
"Exactly," she said. "And now you are getting tools to help you learn how to survive it. That is why you are here."
I turned away from the wall, and walked back to the seat. I sat cross legged on the chair, like I did when I was talking to Yoda about Padme in the temple what felt like months ago but was only a few weeks.
"The Jedi didn't trust me when I came to the temple," I said. "I was too old and too strong with the Force. Chosen One or not, they didn't like that they didn't find me as a baby. I was already attached to my mother, and to Padme. But with his dying breath, Qui-Gon begged for me to be trained so out of respect Obi-Wan trained me. I think he regretted it the first three years, but when I turned thirteen we started getting along. We were on a mission, and I got some poison and Obi-Wan did whatever he could to save me, and we got close then.
"Anyway, when we came home from missions, Palpatine would always call me to his office. When I was young, he would have snacks and we would just talk. He told Obi-Wan that he was talking to me about politics but we were really talking about everything. He was talking to me about machines to the Force. He would quiz me on geography, machines, politics, the force, anything. We would just talk for hours. No one besides Obi-Wan had taken that much interest in me my whole life. He- He-"
"He was like a dad," said Duya.
I nodded. "And it was all a lie," I said, a tear streaking down my face.