Chapter 39. Hopes and Expectations

They find their dream home within the never-ending, nightmarish battle royale that is buying property in Manhattan. They think, at least. This is their second time walking through a meticulously renovated limestone townhouse located on a quiet, residential block on the Upper West Side. Their real estate agent has stepped outside to take another call, which gives them a chance to breathe.

"I just want to be sure we're not making this decision just because of your little fashion show room," Mark says, in reference to the light-filled dressing room situated between the bedroom and bathroom of the master suite on the second floor (he won't call it the parlor floor, because that is just God damn ridiculous). He sees the appeal of this room though, given that it overlooks the backyard garden and has his-and-hers walk-in closets, as well as mirrored French closet doors on each side of the room with upper cabinets, and a large center island for additional storage, which means Mark might actually be able to access some of his non-dresser clothes and shoes without having to trample over his wife's stuff.

Addison raises an amused eyebrow. "And I just want to make sure we're not making this decision just because you like the idea of the kids' rooms being on the floor above ours so that for any late night sneak-out attempts they make as teenagers…they'll have to pass by our room first."

"I would not ever go outside by myself at night," Kate says, tugging on her father's arm to get his attention.

"You say that now…" Mark teases, lifting Kate up onto his shoulders. Addison clucks in protest as he carries her down the stairs this way, back to the first floor (also known as the garden-level, which she will definitely tell Mark from time to time just to annoy him). "What do you think of this place, Katiebee?"

"I love this house. It's so big. It's like being inside a castle," Kate answers, resting her chin on top of his head. Mark doesn't necessarily disagree, even though everything in Manhattan seems to be taller than it is wide, so it all tends to feel vaguely claustrophobic, just in a massively privileged way. He likes this place the best though of all the ones they have looked at.

"And I like that it has a backyard," Kate adds, chirping happily. "Daddy, do you know how the Red Sox –"

"We don't speak that name in this house, child."

"Daddy."

"I'm just kidding…go ahead."

"You know the monster wall thing where the Red Sox play?" Kate asks, and Mark nods. His feet shuffle against the wide-planked hardwood once they're back on the first floor. "The fence in the backyard is really high, just like that. So when we play catch and hit wiffle balls, they won't go over the fence. And the vine things make it look like Rapunzel lives here, too."

"You make some good points," Mark says, grinning at her description of the garden-area backyard with wrought-iron trellises framing the high fence. He thinks it will need some work to make it more child-friendly, but to quote one of the many clichéd phrases they have heard throughout their housing market journey, it has a lot of potential.

Addison ambles behind Mark and Kate, certain she wasn't this winded when she was this far along with Kate, but she grudgingly acknowledges that she has been very spoiled by elevators. It will definitely take some getting used to all these stairs. If this is the place for them, Addison thinks she will make a deal with Mark (more likely tell him exactly what is going to happen). Since the washer and dryer are in the basement, she will do the folding (which is fine, because she doesn't like how Mark folds clothes anyway), but he will handle the actual laundering part since that involves another set of stairs.

Addison holds a hand to her stomach as she watches Mark and Kate move through the living room, edging past the eat-in kitchen adjacent to a small dining room. Mark opens the floor-to-ceiling French doors that lead out to the backyard. Sunlight floods in when the doors yawn open.

"I think this is it, Baby Sprout," Addison whispers, and the child inside her moves in a flutter of limbs. Mark sets Kate down outside, and looks back at her. She nods and smiles.

They are home.

-

"Mommy…" Kate squeezes her eyes shut when Addison pours the rinse pail over her wet hair, washing out lingering traces of shampoo. "You and Daddy are still going to sleep in my room tonight, right?"

"We are," Addison assures. They have reached the middle of August, and this is their first night sleeping in the new house. "And Kate, I know it's a little weird being in a new house and that our room isn't on the same floor as yours, but you know there is nothing to be scared of, right?"

"I am not scared." Kate lets one eye pop open, being extra careful since shampoo is still being coaxed out of her hair.

"Okay," Addison says, ignoring the resentful scowl blossoming across her daughter's face, and of course opting not to mention that a mere twenty minutes ago before bath-time started, Kate was wailing at the idea of having to sleep in her new room all by herself. Personally, Addison is just dreading the idea of three bodies (four, technically) crammed into a full-sized bed. "Well, good. We'll have a fun little sleepover, and we can start to talk about how you want to decorate your new room. And after we finish your room, we can figure out how to decorate the baby's room. We need more than just a teddy bear, right?"

"Yeah," Kate grins, reaching for a penguin bath toy that has spiraled out of her reach. Addison has been trying to include Kate in all things baby-related, even though she hasn't gotten far yet. Kate recently got it into her head that the baby would try to "take" Maggie, so they went out and purchased a stuffed animal for Sprout (although Kate has been "taking care of" the teddy bear in the meantime, so Addison is not quite sure how easily Kate will hand over Sprout's toy come the end of January).

"Afraid of what's in the closet," Mark says softly once Kate has fallen asleep between them, after a few hugs and reassurances in order to feel safe. Mark is not belittling her worries, but it is just hard to reconcile this version of Kate with what else he knows to be true most of the time. "This is the same daredevil kid who slides head-first at every opportunity, wants to stand outside during the middle of storms, flips every which way on the jungle gym, and didn't think twice about going down to investigate the basement on her own. I know you probably would have preferred a Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, but – tonight excepted – I think we've got ourselves a Gryffindor kid."

Addison smiles in agreement over Kate's sleeping head. Their daughter is a lovely five-year-old. Not a perfect kid by any means, but a perfect kid for them. Kate is kind. Friendly. Brave. Curious. Creative. Strong-willed (a good or a bad thing, depending on the circumstances). She likes reading, coloring, swimming, animals (Arctic foxes are currently her favorite), anything that involves the opportunity to throw or kick a ball, and singing (she has a terrible voice, but they are glad she feels so comfortable with dramatic play and performing). She plays tee ball in the spring and soccer in the fall. She eats her pop tarts upside down. She is pretty good at talking about her feelings, and has gotten a lot better at sharing, chewing with her mouth closed, and not being a sore loser. And, while she might have been a little scared tonight, for the most part she is a confident, feisty little girl.

"Probably with some Slytherin sprinkled in there," Addison admits. "It's just going to take her a little time to adjust to our new place. Oh, and speaking of Hogwarts houses, Sprout is a Hufflepuff. I'm sure he or she will be competitive like his or her big sister and be a little show-off sometimes, but I just…have a feeling about it. This one is going to be strong, but also gentle…and a good hugger like his or her dad." It's really one of the only feelings Addison has had so far. She was so certain Kate was a girl since the beginning, but she hasn't had an 'aha' moment with Sprout yet. This baby though – she feels convinced that he or she will have a peaceful, gracious soul.

"That sounds like a great kid. Not that it would be the worst thing if Sprout turns out just like Kate, but -"

"It would be exhausting though."

-

Kate cranes her head to look out the kitchen window, where rain is starting to fall. "We could name the baby Rain," she says with a grin, feeling very clever when both parents laugh.

It is a quiet, gloomy-looking Saturday in mid-September, though the mood at the table is anything but gloomy. They are enjoying a quick lunch together before Mark heads to the hospital to provide on-call coverage for a fellow plastic surgeon he swaps shifts with from time-to-time, usually for kid-related things. Part of this afternoon's lunch discussion, as usual, centers around baby names. Boy names.

Kate started Kindergarten the first Thursday in September (she is liking it so far), and because Mark and Addison took the day off in order to handle school drop-off and pick-up themselves, they squeezed in a prenatal appointment, where they discovered they would be welcoming a son to their family in the new year. As always, seeing their child on the ultrasound took their breath away, but finding out it was a boy just sent them over the moon. They would have loved another girl, of course, but a son; how lucky they are, to have one of each.

Addison directs her next suggestion towards Mark. "What about Holden?"

"We are not naming our kid after a fictional character who had some real issues, Addison. Also imagine how many puns I could do with that name. Let's see…what about Adam?"

Addison shakes her head. "Kathleen has an Adam."

"Well…" Mark pauses to swallow a bite of pasta salad. "Factoring in Derek's sisters' kids basically cuts out like a hundred names."

Out of the corner of her eye, Addison can see Kate mouthing what she imagines is all the Shepherd cousin names she can think of. She suspects her daughter won't get them all, and frankly, Addison doesn't blame her; they were her official nieces and nephews for many years, and now are her nieces and nephews in a more unofficial sense, and it's still a lot of names to remember. Addison doesn't have the same relationship with the Shepherds as she did before, but it isn't markedly different, either. It is just an altered form of closeness. She still texts with Derek's sisters (mainly Nancy and Amelia), and usually checks in with Carolyn once a week. Kate has met all the Shepherd nieces and nephews at one time or another (she calls them her cousins, and they do the same with her), and refers to Carolyn as "Nana." They even went to Carolyn's house for Thanksgiving last year. The Shepherds have grown to ten nieces and seven nephews, and although Addison has not pried, she suspects Meredith and Derek will start trying soon, if they haven't already.

Coming up with a girl would have been easier. Much easier. Before the twenty-week ultrasound, they had discussed names a bit, and quickly came to a decision if they were to have a second daughter: Ella. For whatever reason, boy names have been harder.

"Joshua?" Addison suggests.

"Everyone would call him Josh."

"So? I think that's a cute name."

"Kate." Mark points his fork towards their daughter, who is making quite the show of using a half-eaten chicken nugget to blend the pools of ketchup and ranch together on her plate. "Say 'Josh Sloan.'"

"Josh Shh-loan."

"See? It's clunky-sounding. Anything that ends in an 's' or 'shh' sound just doesn't seem to work with Sloan. I should have taken your last name. Also, one of us had a lisp as a kid, so you might want to consider that, too," Mark says. Addison tries the name out a few times, whispering it under her breath. She ultimately agrees.

"What about Olaf?" Kate says. Both parents try to offer encouraging nods.

They work through a bunch more non-Frozen names: Logan, Jack, William, Dylan, Garrett, Connor, Matthew. Some, thankfully, they do like enough to write down (William, Connor, and Jack), even though there is no clear front runner yet.

Mark throws out another option just to garner a laugh. "Mark Junior?"

Addison look at Kate, who giggles and is all too happy to provide the answer.

"Mommy said one Mark is bad enough. But…" Kate motions to the list by Addison's hand. "I know how to read…" she narrows her eyes, as though waiting to see if either parent calls her out. She can read a little, but not that much yet. "You didn't write down Olaf and Kristoff. Olaf could be the first name and Kristoff could be the middle name."

"Olaf Kristoff Sloan," Mark and Addison say out loud.

Mark grins weakly at Addison when they are cleaning up from lunch. "Olaf Kristoff sounds better than Sprout Sloan, at least."

-

Addison glances toward the bay window in her bedroom where her daughter is currently seated. A low-rumble of thunder curls through the night sky, and Kate peers back at her with a smile, just to confirm she heard it too.

"Are you even watching the movie anymore…?" Addison nods towards the flat screen, where Beauty and the Beast is currently playing, the before-bed movie of choice for the night. "Or are you just watching the storm?" Her daughter loves watching the rain. It's one of the only times she's really still.

"I am watching both," Kate answers calmly, even though her eyes have been focused pretty exclusively on the rain water sluicing the outside of the window for the past few minutes. "Mommy? Do you see where I drawed Kate on the window with my finger? Right here. K-a-t-e."

"I do see. You're do a great job with your writing. Mrs. Wilson must be so proud of you. You know, when you used to be littler, like around age two, you would lick the inside of windows."

Kate giggles at this, creating another spiral design in the steam. "Maybe I was trying to drink the water on the outside."

You did it on non-rainy days too, you sweet little weirdo, Addison thinks.

"Well, if you have some time between watching the movie and watching the rain, maybe we should talk about the big event at the end of this month," Addison says, which prompts an intrigued grin from Kate. "We need to get your Halloween costume soon. Do you still want to be Anna from Frozen?"

"Yes, but I want the Queen Anna dress. Not the regular one." Kate twists around on the cushion, and then folds her legs criss-cross applesauce. "Can I get two costumes? One to wear to school for the Halloween Parade and one to wear at night when I go trick-or-treating with you and Daddy?"

"I think we're probably just going to get one costume," Addison replies. "If you want to wear a different costume though, you could always wear what you wore last year. You were Madeline, remember?"

Kate smiles. "If I wear the Madeline one, you could be Miss Clavel."

Because being a pregnant nun wouldn't be raise any eyebrows, Addison thinks amusedly.

"But Mommy…" Kate continues, not about to give up this battle just yet. "I don't think the Queen Anna dress is warm enough to wear at night when we go out trick-or-treating. I might get cold." She crosses her arms and makes a shivering motion.

"That's what jackets and coats are for," Addison says with a light smile.

Kate shakes her head. "But then you won't see all of my Anna dress. So maybe I really do need a second costume."

"You're gonna make a great lawyer when you grow up. Just like Grandpa Henry. Now, cover over here for a sec," Addison reaches for her iPad, and crooks a finger towards Kate to get her to join her so they can look at costume options together. She knows Kate doesn't need a second costume, but the little girl really doesn't ask for much (other than McDonald's for dinner constantly), so it didn't take long for Addison to give in on this. The hormones don't help, because there are just so many lasts now. This will be their last Halloween as a family of three.

"No, not a lawyer. I want to be a doctor like you. Or a teacher," Kate says as she joins her mother under the blanket. She did want to be an astronaut for a bit, but she would only want to go to space if Mommy and Daddy could go with her, and they already have grownup jobs, so she thinks she would rather be a doctor or teacher.

They look at a few different sites, and just when Addison thinks Kate will go with a puppy costume that they've bookmarked (no luck with finding an Arctic fox one), her daughter sees a blue and purple Stegosaurus costume with a tail that lights up along its spikes. Kate starts laughing so hard that she has to hold on to her belly. Addison adds it to the shopping cart once Kate has told her this is the one she wants. It looks cozy, but she will still force Kate to wear warm layers underneath, and she mentally starts preparing herself for the clash now.

"My tummy feels funny from laughing," Kate says once Addison has placed an order for one Queen Anna costume and one light-up dinosaur costume. "Thank you, Mommy," she adds, because she remembers she forgot to say that. "You can have all of my Halloween candy."

Addison lifts an eyebrow. "Oh, really? All of it?"

"Well, maybe just half."

-

"Oh, hey." Mark blinks in surprise upon finding Addison sitting up in bed rereading some old novel (probably more for looking for baby names than enjoyment). An emergency came in right before his shift was due to be over, so he ended up staying an extra two hours. "What are you still doing up?"

She grins. "Insomnia. And a kicking, no-name baby, who of course stopped kicking immediately after I went downstairs to get myself a cup of tea. Hufflepuff my ass – that was some pure Slytherin energy. Then I saw your text that you'd be home soon, so I figured I'd just wait up so that you can give my very sore shoulders a massage and then cuddle with me. Oh, and Two-Costume Kate wants you to go in and say goodnight to her at some point. And," Addison smirks. "She will know if you don't. I had to help her with some of the words, but essentially she left a note for you on her nightstand. It says: 'Daddy, did you come in to tell me goodnight when I was asleep?' And you're supposed to check the 'yes' box."

"Wait…is there a 'no' box as well?"

"There is," Addison confirms with a laugh. "And I never really thought to ask her why there was a 'no' box, because who am I to question Kindergarten logic."

"Got it. And Two-Costume Kate, you said?"

Addison rolls her eyes. "Yeah, I caved. But I don't really want to see a look of smugness on the face of the cave-iest parent in the world."

"I won't be smug because I wouldn't have even pretended to push back when she said she wanted a second costume. She would have weaseled a third out of me." Mark grins.

-

"You still want a massage?" Mark says when he climbs in beside her. While he was getting ready for bed and checking boxes off notes, Addison had put her book down and rolled onto her side.

"No. Just cuddle. You checked the 'yes' box?"

"I did."

"You really wanted to check the 'no' one, didn't you?"

Mark folds an arm over her waist, drawing her body against his. "Wouldn't you have?"

"Probably," she admits. "So Kate will be going as Queen Anna for Halloween in the morning to school, and then will be a dinosaur at night."

"A dinosaur? That's different," he murmurs into her shoulder. "I like it though. And Anna's not the queen…Elsa is. God, I hate that I know that."

Addison smirks. "Ah, but you haven't seen Frozen 2."

"And I hope I never have to."

"Oh, it's only a matter of time," she rolls over to face him, a smile teasing at her lips. "Hi," she says softly, brushing her lips against his. Her palm flexes against his hipbone, warm and suggestive.

"Hi," Mark whispers back, scraping a hand through her hair. "Is that look in your eyes because I left you a non-checkbox note before I went to work?"

"No, but I do love when you leave me little love letters sometimes. I save them, you know," she blushes. "Not the dirty ones, but the sappy ones."

Mark grins. "It probably doesn't count as a love letter when it's only one sentence. I meant it, that you looked nice today, but it's hardly a letter. Also, does it count as a love letter when I normally just work off of sticky notes or grocery list notepads? Oh, or that one time I wrote one on a piece of Kate's Sesame Street stationary because I couldn't find a Post-it. That was a pretty quick, uninspired letter though. I felt like Bert and Ernie were judging me."

"Bert was definitely judging you. Post-its and one-sentence compliments still count as love letters in my book though. Anyway. It's been a few days for us, hasn't it?" She asks, eyes still glittering deviously. They continue to have sex regularly, and each time feels exquisite, particularly during the second trimester when the surge in hormones has boosted her sex drive, but there are plenty of nights where she craves sleep more than sex. And although Mark's hubris would probably prevent him from admitting the same thing out loud, he often feels the same way.

"It has," he confirms. "We haven't had sex in eight days, Addison."

"Oh, eight days," she deadpans. "Poor you. You're seriously tracking the number of days though? Do you know how insulting that is to me?"

"Not on purpose," he says quickly, smoothing a finger over the indignant wrinkle that has formed between her eyebrows. "Sorry. I only remember because last Friday night was…quite memorable. That's gonna be in my head for a while."

Addison smiles, feeling herself soften. "I'd never done it on a dryer before. Second trimester Addison is kind of a firecracker."

"You're always a firecracker. And hey, you know my sappy-ass likes cuddling with you as much as I like having sex with you. More, actually, though you can never, ever repeat that, especially to Savvy…I'll never hear the end of it." Mark's fingers trace over the length of her spine, and she sighs, a frisson of desire filling her. He takes a brief moment to suck on her lower lip. "Plus, this hasn't ever been just about sex, despite how often I want it. Life with you is…kind of perfect."

"You're laying it on pretty thick now since I didn't like the eight days remark, but I know you mean every word of it. We've made a pretty beautiful life together, and things are just so, so good lately, you know? And, lucky for you…" Addison tugs his hips to hers, and smirks when she can feel the beginning of his excitement against her thigh. "I want you right now."

"Here or the dryer?" He says with a laugh, easing her shirt over her head and immediately going to work, moving leisurely, but with intent: mouth trailing down her neck, tongue outlining her collarbone, lips warm against the flushed skin between her breasts.

"Here." Her amused giggle changes into a rasping sigh when Mark's tongue soothes around one of her nipples. She arches beneath him when he switches to her other breast. Addison appreciates his gentleness; she's been tender and sensitive in this area the entire pregnancy, but his unreasonably talented mouth knows exactly how much pressure she can take. "Here…is good. I love you, Mark."

"I love you too," Mark whispers, capturing her lips again to kiss her deeply. He traces a hand down her body, lightly chuckling when he discovers that while he was paying attention to her breasts, unbeknownst to him, Addison had already wriggled out of her pajama bottoms and spread her legs for him. "And here is definitely good, but it's about to get even better for you, just so you know."

Addison lifts her hips towards him, more than ready for his touch. "Definitely seems like it."

-