Out in the hall, I find Paylor standing in the exact same spot she was in before I entered the garden. "Did you find what you were looking for?" She asks.
I nod my head and then stumble past her. My mind is spinning with information that I do not know what to do with. There are two possibilities, although the details associated with them may vary. First, as I've believed, the Capitol sent in the hovercraft, dropped the parachutes, and sacrificed its children's lives, knowing the recently arrived rebels would go to their aid. There's evidence to support this. The Capitol seal on the hovercraft, the lack of any attempt to blow the enemy out of the sky, and their long history of using children as pawns in their battle against the districts. Then there's Snow's account. That the Capitol hovercraft manned by rebels bombed the children to bring a speedy end to the war. But if this was the case, why didn't the Capitol fire on the enemy? Did the element of surprise really throw them? Had they no defence left? Children are precious in 13, or so it had always seemed. Well, not us. Not Katniss nor I. I think it has been a long time since we have been considered children in this war. And why would they do it knowing their own medics would likely respond and be taken out in the second blast. They wouldn't. They couldn't. Snow's lying. Manipulating me as he always has. Hoping to turn me against the rebels I'm sure.
Then what's nagging me? Those double-exploding bombs for one. It's not that the Capitol couldn't have had the same weapon, it's just that I'm sure the rebels did. Gale and Beetee's brainchild. There is also the fact that Snow made no escape attempt, when I know him to be a consummate survivor. It seems hard to believe that he didn't retreat to a bunker somewhere. And finally, there is his assessment of Coin. What's irrefutable is that she has done exactly what he said. Let the Capitol and the districts run one another into the ground and then sauntered in to take power. And not to mention that from the moment I had first met her, something about her just never seemed to sit right with me.
This all suddenly feels like too much information for me to try to decipher. How am I supposed to hold onto these theories that caused Prim's death. Katniss would want to know. She deserves to know. I begin to wonder if anyone else has started to put these pieces together and wonder as well. Someone will need to tell her what happened. I consider going to see Gale as he has always seemed to have a great understanding of this war. But how could I confide in him at this point. What could I say, how would I phrase it without implying that it was his bombs that killed Prim. My head begins to hurt from the scenarios rolling around inside of my head. When I return to my quarters I fill the tub in my room with warm soapy water, hoping to tune out the world for just a few blissful moments.
When I wake the next morning I lay in bed with nothing but my underclothes on. My hair is damp with sweat from my nightmares. I have pushed away all of my blankets except for a single white sheet. I pull the sheet up over my head, hoping to escape the world. Suddenly there's a knock at my door. I don't get up from bed. It is Haymitch, who eventually opens the door and peaks his head inside.
"It's tomorrow Peeta." he begins. "You get to see Katniss today, remember?"
I don't respond. I have been looking forward to this moment since I arrived in the mansion. Counting down every minute until I could see her again. But now, after yesterday's conversation with Snow, it seems like an impossible mountain to climb.
"She's been discharged from the hospital," Haymitch says, trying to get my attention. This works, and I lower the sheet to my chin.
"So I can really see her now?" I ask even though I am hesitant.
"Well..not at this exact moment," Haymitch replies. "But soon."
"Where is she?" I ask, turning my direction to Haymitch. He stands at the foot of my bed with his arms crossed. Dark circles appear under his eyes. He looks so tired. I find myself wondering what he has been doing since arriving here.
"She wanted to see someone else before she saw you." He replies.
"Gale?" I question.
Haymitch shakes his head..."Snow."
This causes me to sit up against the headboard of my bed. "She demanded to see him." Haymitch adds. This confirms that perhaps she was having suspicions too. I wonder what they will discuss, I am confident that he will give her the same speech he gave me last night. It seems almost as if I was merely the practice speech, the real person Snow wants to convince is Katniss.
"Who was it, Haymitch? Who set off those bombs?" I ask, not wasting time.
He raises his shoulders and shakes his head. "I wish I knew Peeta...I think it would save everyone a lot of speculation."
"I saw Snow too." I blurt out. "Yesterday." This catches his attention. "He tried to convince me that the rebels were the ones who set off the bombs."
Haymitch doesn't reply. "So you agree?" I say.
"It's hard to say." There is a long pause between us now.
"How are we going to explain this to Katniss?" I finally question.
"Oh that I do know," Haymitch begins. "President Snow will most likely take care of that for us. Katniss is smart. She will be able to come to a conclusion for herself."
I nod my head because this is likely to be true.
"You better pull yourself together in an hour. She wants to see you." Haymitch says, heading for the door. He leaves before I can say anything else.
This is what jolts me out of bed. She wants to see you. I take some time to wash my face and comb my hair for the first time in days. I put on a fresh pair of black pants and a basic dark blue sweater. When I look in the mirror I notice how I look more like myself than I have in days. The bruising on my nose has really started to fade. Only a few light purple spots remain. The light pink burns are still visible on my hands and arms. I know Katniss won't care at all. We are both scarred from our times in the Games and the war. We will always have that in common.
After I wait anxiously on a bright red chair with gold trim in my room. Running though thousands of things I want to say to her. How do I even begin to comfort her from the enormous loss she just experienced. I search my brain for the right words to say until Dr. Aurelius comes to get me in order to escort me to her room. It is a short walk as I discover her room is in the corridor adjacent to mine. We walk side by side until we are standing in front of her door.
"Be patient Peeta." Dr. Aurelius tells me. "She has already had a pretty long day."
I press my hand up against the wooden door for a moment and take in a final deep breath. Then, I push open her door and see her sitting upright in bed, a large patterned comforter lays over her lap. She looks up at me right away. We just stare at each other for a moment. Standing in disbelief over the fact that somehow both of us have made it through this war alive. I can feel sorrow spread across my face as I walk over to her bedside. I do my best to offer her a simple smile to let her know that I am here, and that I'm going anywhere. Her hair falls in loose waves to her shoulders. I can tell that several inches have been burned off from the explosion. Her eyes are clear but I can see the sadness written all over her face. I reach down and take her hand into mine. I can feel her scars on my finger tips. I am struggling now to hold back my own tears, but I'm determined to stay strong for her.
I pull her hand close to my chest as I lean down, kneeling at her bedside. "Katniss I don't even know where to b_" She stops me and reaches her other hand over and places one finger on my lips, stopping my words.
"Shhhh." She says gently with a slight shake of her head. Instead she slides herself over in the bed, farther away from me. She takes her hand from mine and gently pats the empty half of the bed, motioning for me to climb in. I do not hesitate for a moment. I move in close to her, and place my arm around her small frame like I have done so many times before. I pull the comforter up to her chin and she snuggles down onto my chest. The moment her head hits my chest, she begins to cry. I pull her in, even closer to me now, wrapping both of my arms around her. I can not help my own tears that begin to fall. We have suffered so much, and enjoyed so little. I can not begin to imagine leaving this very spot for anything. We stay in this moment for a long time, allowing ourselves to break together.
"Stay with me." She says though her sobs, grasping my blue sweater in her hands.
"Always." I reply.
We stay like this for the rest of the day. Holding each other and comforting each other through the memories. I don't dare ask her about her conversation with Snow. The words they shared are not for me. We are both just so immensely overwhelmed that this war has come to an end. Dr. Aurelius seems to have been right, as Katniss has shown no signs of any aggression towards me at all. Her brain is too heartbroken for even that. I am so relieved that I am able to be here with her now. I can only hope that I am able to offer her some sort of comfort. It feels so healing to have her back in my arms again. Even though we don't say much, our presence here with each other speaks volumes. She dozes off, in and out of sleep for most of the afternoon. I lay awake often, watching her chest rise and fall. Despite the pain I know she is feeling, she seems so peaceful in sleep. I move a stray strand of hair from her face and ever so gently, rub the back of my thumb across her cheek. When her eyes flutter open I can't help but place a light kiss right on her forehead between her eyebrows.
"How long do you think they will allow us to stay like this?" She whispers.
"Not long enough I'm sure." I reply, placing my head back down on the pillow next to her.
As it turns out I am right, within an hour Haymitch is back at her door. We are both worried that he is here to take me back to my room. Katniss grabs a hold of my arm quickly. "I'm not going anywhere." I whisper reassuringly.
He walks over to Katniss' side of the bed where she lays, gripping my arm.
"Tomorrow is the day, sweetheart." He says gently. "His execution is scheduled for noon."
I can feel my heart drop. The thought of leaving our warm and safe cocoon is terrifying, even though I know this must be done.
"A team will be here tomorrow morning to get you ready." He adds.
Katniss nods in agreement, but says nothing in response. She has also yet to loosen her grip on my arm.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" Haymitch asks.
"I am sure." Katniss replies confidently.
"Alright then, I'll see you tomorrow at noon." Haymitch has never been one for small talk, so he exits the room promptly after these brief instructions.
Around six o'clock we hear another knock on the door. I am worried that it will somehow be someone here to escort me back to my room for the night. Then I remember even though we are in the Capitol, much has changed. There are no attendants here to escort us around and tell us what we can and can not do. So I am relieved to see that the knock was simply just a delivery tray containing two dinner meals for us. Whoever dropped this off must know that I am with Katniss in her room. The dinner is simple. Just two bowls containing wild rice and red beans along with two glasses of water. Similar to my room, Katniss' quarters are spacious. She has her own ensuite bathroom. There are two light pink love-seats facing each other in the middle of the room, along with a small dining set for two on the left, right in front of a large window frame that overlooks a garden. I place the tray on the table by the window and manage to convince Katniss to get up from bed and sit in one of the chairs across from me. We sit, eating small bights of food, often staring off into the gardens. I can't help but notice how different this food is compared to what we have usually indulged in when in the Capitol. But now we are in a post-war time era. Everything will be different here for a while.
"Are you nervous about tomorrow?" I finally ask.
She continues to stare out the window for several moments before turning to look at me. "No...I know what I need to do."
I have always admired how sure of herself she has always been.
"Peeta…," she says softly. I turn my eyes to hers. "I just want to say thank you. For staying with me. - For always staying with me."
I can't help the genuine smile that appears across my face. I have been through a lot of hardships in my young seventeen years. More than most people see in a lifetime. But even that doesn't compare to what Katniss has been through. I sit across from her now wondering what I did in my life to deserve her. I could live a thousand lifetimes and not deserve this girl.
"There is nowhere else I would rather be." I tell her.
The morning comes far too quickly. Today is the day. Snow will be dead in a matter of hours at the hand of Katniss's arrow. I find myself dreading the moment someone comes to wake us for the day. Katniss is not awake yet when I hear the knock of the door. Only this time, I don't need to walk up to answer it, as the person comes right in.
"Hello Peeta." she says.
Effie stands before me in her metallic gold wig and patent leather high heels holding a clipboard. It has been months since I have seen her. Until this point I was not even sure that she was alive. Without hesitation I fling myself out of bed and embrace her.
"I hope I wasn't interrupting anything." She says gazing back towards Katniss. I think back to the looks she would give us during the Quarter Quell when we would walk off at night and stay together. On a few occasions she even asked me to try to be more discreet about our sleeping arrangements.
"Not at all. I am so happy to see you!" I tell her, grabbing her hand into mine before she can question me.
I can hear Katniss begin to stir. When she notices I am not next to her she forces herself into a sitting position within an instance.
"Effie." She says, after her eyes analyze the situation.
"Hello Katniss." Effie says with a small smile. "It looks like we've got another big, big, big day ahead of us. So why don't we start your prep and I'll pop over and check on the arrangements."
"Okay." Katniss responds.
Just as Effie leaves, three brightly colored individuals enter the room. I recognize them as Katniss' prep team from the Games.
"Surprise!" Shouts the taller of the two women. I can tell she looks a bit shocked to see the burns and scars across Katniss' face and body.
The other women, I believe I remember her name to be Octavia, takes one quick look at me and then back to Katniss and bursts into tears. I am a bit taken aback by her hysterics. The male member of her prep team attempts to comfort her. The three eventually scurry over to the bed and help Katniss to her feet. They quickly attempt to bring her to the bathroom attached to the room to begin her prep for Snow's execution.
"Don't leave." Katniss says as they whisk her away.
"I'll be right here." I respond to reassure her.
Katniss spends just over an hour with her prep team in the bathroom until they finally emerge to begin her makeup and hairstyle in the open bedroom. Her hair is damp and she has a large white robe covering her body. Just as she gets situated in a chair, the door of the bedroom opens once again. It is Portia. She carries a long black garment bag in her hands.
"Portia!" Katniss exclaims, and flings herself up from the chair. I realize that this is probably the first time Katniss has seen her since the Quarter Quell. She likely may have even thought that Portia was killed not long after Cinna. I suddenly feel some guilt for forgetting to tell her this, but my time with Katniss is 13 was so limited.
Portia hugs Katniss close and I see the tears begin to well up in both of their eyes. Finally they separate and Portia brings her hands to Katniss' cheeks. "I am so proud of you Katniss," she says. "Cinna would be too."
Katniss smiles back at her. Portia holds up the black garment bag for Katniss to see and zips it open. "I brought your Mockingjay outfit." she tells her. "The one he designed."
"Thank you." Katniss responds gratefully.
The prep team helps Katniss back into her chair and begin combing through her dark hair.
Portia walks over to me and I throw my arms around her too. I am thankful she is able to be here today. "I'm proud of you too, Peeta." she whispers in my ear. "You did a good job." I nod because I assume she is referring to how we managed to keep Katniss alive through this war despite her hijacking.
"You should take a shower too, you know." She encourages me. "You will likely be on camera also." She hands me a bag containing an outfit for me to wear today.
I agree and make my way over the bathroom. I undress and step onto the cold tile of the shower. The room is filled with the smells of sweet soaps and oils, likely from Katniss' time in here just a few minutes ago. I allow the hot water to wash over my body and I scrub my hair clean with shampoo. I don't rush because I know we still have several hours until the execution. I take a few extra minutes to stand in the hot water and allow it to work through my stiff muscles. Finally I step out of the shower and dry off my hair and body with a fluffy towel. I decide to run a comb through my hair to smooth the blond strands out of my face. Suddenly, I stop and realize I no longer hear the familiar chatter of the prep team. In fact, I do not hear any voices at all. I wrap the towel around my waste, and just as I am about to fling the bathroom door wide open, a voice finally catches my attention. This voice does not belong to Katniss, Portia, or the prep team. This voice is deep and masculine. I know it well. It is Gale's. I wonder if he knows I am in here. I can not hear the others in the room so I assume they have stepped out for a few moments to allow Gale to see Katniss in private. I know this conversation is not meant to be for my ears but I am trapped in this bathroom and do not dare to leave now with only a towel wrapped around my waist.
"I brought you your arrow." Gale begins. "It's supposed to be symbolic, firing the last shot of the war."
"What if I miss?" Katniss asks.
"You won't miss." He replies.
There is silence for a long time, until I hear Katniss begin to speak again. "You didn't come see me when I got out of the hospital." she says.
He doesn't respond.
"Was it your bomb." I feel my heart drop at her words.
"I don't know. Neither does Beetee," he says. "Does it matter, you'll always be thinking of it."
There is another long pause. She doesn't say anything. Despite everything, I feel so much pain for Gale in this moment. I can not comprehend the heartbreak he must be feeling. I think many people always saw us as advesaries, but I always knew that Gale was never my real enemy.
"That was the one thing I had going for me. Taking care of your family," he says. "Shoot straight, okay?"
His footsteps are silent, but I can hear the creeks in the old wooden floor that signals him making his way back to the door. I am waiting for her to call him back, expecting it even. But when I hear the door close behind him, I know she has let him go. Something inside of me is telling me I should feel glad, but I don't. I can't help but feel like everyone she has cared about is slipping away. I rest my head against the wooden door and finally let the tears escape my eyes. Eventually I hear the prep team has returned as they go on chatting away again. I allow myself five minutes to compose myself and to dress in the clothes Portia has prepared for me before going back out into the room. I step into a pair of grey pants and similar grey sweater that will accompany a plum colored trench cost to go on top. I open up a black velvet jewelry box that was included in the bag. Inside it contains an identical gold bangle to the one Finnick and Haymitch wore during the Quarter Quell. I put it on and remind myself that we will always remain a team.
When I emerge from the bathroom Katniss is dressed in her Mockingjay suit. Her hair is braided back in a familiar style. She looks fierce and strong. She is not covered in a pile of makeup which allows her true beauty shines through. I watch Effie secure her gold Mockingjay pin to the vest of her suit. I wonder if she assumes I have heard the conversation between her and Gale, or if she thought that the sound of the water would drown out the voices. Either way, I know this is not the time to mention anything of the sort.
I suspect that this is where we will have to separate until after the execution. But I will be there as witness to the event with several other victors and officials on the side lines as Katniss launches the final arrow of the war. I am surprised when Effie tells us we are both wanted in a meeting prior to the execution. Katniss collects her bow and Effie leads us down a trail of narrow hallways.
I'm expecting a production meeting of sorts, where Plutarch will be instructing Katniss on when to shoot. Instead, we find ourselves standing in a room where five other people wait sitting around a table. Johanna, Beetee, Haymitch, Annie, and Enobaria.
"What's this? Katniss says.
"Where not sure," Haymitch answers. "It appears to be a gathering of the remaining victors."
"We're all that's left?" I ask.
"The price of celebrity," says Beetee. "We were targeted from both sides. The Capitol killed the victors they suspected of being rebels. The rebels killed those thought to be allied with the Capitol."
I hear a click of the door opening from behind me. I turn my head and see Coin standing there.
"Sit down, please." She says motioning to Katniss and I. We take a seat side by side in the middle of Annie and Beetee. As usual, Coin gets right to the point.
"I have asked you here to settle a debate. Today we will execute Snow. In the previous weeks hundreds of his accomplices in the oppression of Panem have been tried and now await their own deaths. However, the suffering in the districts has been so extreme that these measures appear insufficient to the victims. In fact, many are calling for a complete annihilation of those who held Capitol citizenship. However, in the interest of maintaining a sustainable population, we cannot afford this.
I look across the table, trying to read the faces of my fellow victors.
"So, an alternative has been placed on the table. Since my colleagues and I can come to no consensus, it has been agreed that we will let the victors decide. A majority of four will approve the plan. No one may abstain from the vote," says Coin. "What has been proposed is that in lieu of eliminating the entire Capitol population, we have a final, symbolic Hunger Games, using the children directly related to those who held most power.
Immediately all seven of us turn to her. "What?" says Johanna.
"We hold another Hunger games using Capitol children." replies Coin sternly.
"Are you joking?" I ask. The thought of immediately going back to do the very thing we have lost so many lives rebelling against is so preposterous it makes me sick.
"No," She replies. "I should also tell you that if we do hold the Games, it will be known it was done with your approval, although the individual breakdown of your votes will be kept secret for your own security."
Suddenly I feel the anger begin to rise inside of me, the exact same way it did when I spoke to Snow inside of the garden just days prior.
"Was this Plutarch's idea?" asks Haymitch.
"It was mine," says Coin. "It seemed to balance the need for vengeance with the least loss of life. You may cast your votes now."
"No!" I immediately burst out. "I vote no, of course! We can't have another Hunger games!"
"Why not?" Johanna interjects. "It seems very fair to me. Snow even has a granddaughter. I vote yes."
"So do I," says Enobaria, almost indifferently. "Let them have a taste of their own medicine."
I can not even fathom what I am hearing. Out of anyone in this country, the seven of us should know more than anyone else, the horror that these games are. I do not care who goes inside of the area, nobody deserves that nightmare.
Suddenly I am up on my feet. "This is why we rebelled! Remember?" I plead with them, almost begging for someone to see what I am seeing.
"I vote no with Peeta," says Annie. "So would Finnick if he were here.
"No." Adds Beetee. "It would set a bad precedent. We have to stop viewing one another as enemies. At this point, unity is essential for our survival. No."
Finally, someone is on my side. I no longer feel like I am fighting against this cause on my own.
"We're down to Katniss and Haymitch." Says Coin.
I turn my head to Katniss, expecting to see her eyes filled with fear and disgust at this horrific idea. I feel confident that she will look at me, ready to take my side as well. But when I turn to her, she is not looking at me, but directly at Haymitch. They say no words, but I can tell simply by the looks they are exchanging, that they know just what the other is thinking. It has been this way from the very beginning. They were able to read each other and understand each other in a way nobody else could. During our first games they were able to communicate with each other using timed parachutes in the area. This act seemed harmless to anyone watching, but for them this was a lifeline of communication.
Katniss ignores my gaze completely and turns directly to Coin. "I vote yes….for Prim."
My mouth drops open. I am shocked. I know Katniss is grief-stricken after the loss of Prim, but the Katniss that I know would never agree to something like this. I can not even look at her in this moment. Surely this must be the tracker jacker venom making a reappearance in her mind. I can't stop my feet from dashing over to Haymitch now. He is the deciding vote.
"Haymitch please!" I beg, gripping onto the side of his chair. "Think about what this means!"
He averts his eyes from me, and I can tell he is looking towards Katniss again. Before I even have the chance to say more he speaks. "I'm with the Mockingjay."
"Excellent. That carries the vote," says Coin. "Now we really must take our places for the execution."
I can not stand being in this room for one more second. I burst out the door and slam it behind me, leaving everyone behind. Enobaria I can understand, even Johanna and all of her built up rage. But Katniss and Haymitch. This seems inexcusable. I trusted them. Nothing has changed. Nothing will ever change now.
Eventually an Official comes to find me. I'm not sure if they are a Capitol Official, or someone who works for Coin. At this point, what difference does it really make. Despite my protest I am led to a roped off area outside where I will watch Katniss execute Snow. The other victors have already taken their places. I wedge myself next to Annie and Beetee, because the thought of standing next to anyone else is repulsive. Every seat is taken within the audience, and many people are forced to stand. Nobody wants to miss a moment. Coin appears on the balcony and a loud cheer erupts. I can not even seem to lift my head to look at her. Next they begin to march Snow out into the sunlight. The crowd goes insane. They secure his hands behind a post as he stands on a narrow terrace in front of the mansion below Coin. Just ten yards away I can see Katniss take her place as the audience cheers for her.
Despite my anger I can not help that my eyes immediately seem to find her. She lifts her bow into her hands as her eyes are fixed onto Snow. You can see the vengeance written across her face. This is the moment. She pulls her bowstring back and rests her hand carefully on her lips like she always does before she lets an arrow fly. She takes a breath and holds her gaze. She is paused, holding the arrow taut between her fingers for much longer than she usually does. Within the blink of an eye her arrow shifts upwards and is released. President Coin collapses over the side of her balcony and plunges to the ground. Dead.