Chapter 23 – Confront, Head On
Beca was on her way to school with her Mum. She had a meeting with Mr. Harris and her Mum had been asked to come in too. They were to discuss Beca's results about the essay she had written last week. Jordan had parked the car and they were both making their way to Mr. Harris' office.
*Knock knock*
"Jordan, Beca, good morning, before we get started can I offer you both a drink?"
"Coffee? Tea?"
"Two coffees, both black please, sir"
"I'll be right back, just sit down and then we'll talk"
"Right, here we go, I know it's early, I am sorry about having an early meeting, but I wanted to talk to you as I know you have English first. So, I'm going to put it out there, Beca, after your outburst last week, I did look over your essay. With all the work you have done with me, I was shocked you received a C, there were a couple of little spelling mistakes, but my opinion was that you deserved a high B, and if you work a little harder with me, the next essay you do in exam conditions, you'd easily get an A. Onto the next thing, I have spoken to Miss Posen about the grade, and she is no longer allowed to teach you anymore, so from now on you are to report to me when you have English and we will be preparing you. I know you have a year, and we are short staffed in the English department, so until another position is filled, you are reporting to me. When I have meetings you will need to go to the library, but when I have no meetings, you can sit on the sofa, so if you need any help, just shout either myself or Rita and we'll help you. How does that sound?"
"Before Beca speaks, can I just say thank you, thank you for looking into this, thank you for not expelling her, I know you could've done, because her last school gave up with her, but seriously thank you"
"It's no problem, I like to make sure all my students are safe, and looking at Beca's file, yes she had problems, being suspended and I know through her files and seeing her, she does have a problem with her anger, but we have a strict rule on never giving up on a student. It's taken a few weeks, but we can see some sort of progress with Beca. I'm not saying it'll go away just like that, but we would like to help. So, with that, Beca, I know you don't turn up to Spanish, so rather than Spanish, could you go and talk with the school counsellor?"
"Whoa what? A counsellor? No way, I don't need someone to talk to, I'll be fine"
"Beca, you're not fine, please I help my side of the deal up, yours was to talk, so please, can you talk to the counsellor"
"Maybe, talking to someone could help you Beca, you never talk to me and I'm your mother, I don't know what goes on in your head, please listen to what John, sorry Mr. Harris is saying, please consider it"
"I don't need to talk to anyone"
"Babe, you do, you have so much going on in your head, please. At least just go for one or two and if you don't like it, you don't have to go. Can you just give it a try?"
"One session, and you have a deal?"
"Fine"
"So I have your timetable up on my screen, Beca. You have Spanish for 2 hours tomorrow, can you report to the Health and Welfare office and ask for Mr. Byrne?"
"Fine, but I'm not happy about this"
"Don't you have something else to say to Mr. Harris?"
"Oh, erm, thank you for all the English help. Like really, thank you, my old school never believed me until it was too late, so thank you"
"Right, go on then, and I'll see you when you have English. I want to talk to your Mum"
"Ok, see you later and see you at home, Mum"
Chloe (07:59) – Hope it goes ok, if you have time afterwards, Stace rolled you a cigarette x
Beca (08:23) – Just got out now, where are you? I could do with one. Can you just come on your own? I need to vent.
Chloe (08:24) – Head to the courts, we don't have long x
Beca (08:24) – OMW
"How did it go? Are you ok?" Chloe handed her her cigarette.
"It went ok, until they mentioned counselling, fucking counselling" Beca lit her cigarette and took a long drag.
"Maybe talking to someone is a good idea, I mean I know we spoke about everything, but you still need to tell your Mum"
"Don't you see, I can't" Beca teared up.
"I know it's hard, but you need to, you need to confront it head on and yes it'll hurt, fuck it'll hurt both of you, but it's killing you, please babe. Talk to the counsellor, talk to your Mum, you need to get it out because you're like a volcano, you can only take so much and then when you erupt you burst, you can't stop and the next thing you know, your arm's broken. I'll be there with you every step of the way"
"I'm sorry, but I can't. I'd rather expose Poison for who she is then tell my Mum"
"You need to, it's not my place to do anything so I wouldn't but you need to talk to her"
*RIING*
"Come on, finish that and we'll go inside, we're going to be late"
"You go ahead, I'll catch you up, I need a breather. Tell Smith I've just gone to the toilet, please, just give me a minute"
"Ok, I'll give you some time, I'll see you in there, ok? I love you" Chloe kissed her cheek.
"I know, and, thank you. I won't be long"
Beca put her legs next to her face and cried. She was asking herself so many questions.
Why am I like this?
How can I tell my Mum?
Why do people care about me?
Why does this school care?
Why does Chloe care?
Would she leave again? She left me once, surely, she could do it again, right?
Why do my friends care?
Why a counsellor?
I'm not that bad, am I?
She was asking herself so many questions, she hadn't realised the time or noticed she'd been there for a long time. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts, she didn't hear someone come behind her, it wasn't until she felt a hand on her shoulder, which made her jump.
"What happened to you coming in?"
"Sorry, I was just thinking"
"What about?"
"Everything, school, Mum, you?"
"What about me?"
Beca looked up and met with the blue eyes staring at her. "Just that I know what happens, you say you won't leave, but everyone does, when they realise I'm not as strong as I make out to be, they run"
"Well that's not going to happen, can you please come inside? Mr Harris knows you weren't in Homeroom, he's trying to find you and I knew you'd be here"
"I can just think here, you know? Only us and the girls know about this little hole, not even the teachers, I just like to sit here"
"Well, if you're gonna sit here, I'll sit too"
"You need to go to class"
"True, but I care about you more, and so does Stacie" Chloe pointed at the girl behind her.
"Oh, hey Conrad, didn't see you there" Beca quickly wiped her tears away.
Stacie wrapped Beca in a hug and Beca just sobbed even more.
"So, if you're not going to go in, we'll sit with you"
The girls sat in a small circle in their little hole.
When Beca first met Miss Posen at this school, once she stormed off, eventually, she went behind the courts to hide, and found a nice little hole behind a big tree that no one knew about, it became her place. Until she told Chloe, Stacie and Amy about it, it became their place. They knew that when Beca wasn't in lesson she'd be there. Beca also knew that if any of the girls weren't in lesson, they'd be sat in that spot.
"Mitch, if you ever need to talk, even if it's just a friend, I'm here, same as your girl over here"
"Becs, we care so much, we're all worried, even Amy, who by the way has covered"
"Should've known you three would be here" Amy shouted. "You ok, Shawshank?"
Amy sat down with the girls.
"Just a little heads up, Harris isn't mad if that's what you're worried about. I heard him say to Miss. Smith about you and that he should've known you'd go off. They've stopped searching, he knows you'll come back when you've calmed down"
"See, you're not in trouble"
"I wasn't worried about getting in trouble, that was the last thing on my mind" Beca spoke.
"Mitch, you can talk to us, you spoke a little bit what happened over the weekend, but not much"
"Wait, what?"
"Yeah, when we were high, you said something about Posen destroying your life and you had a secret you couldn't tell your mum, but then you threw up and we didn't want to bring it up"
"Shit"
"We're all here, and whenever you want to talk, we'll all be here. Anyway, I'm gonna role one, Mitch, want one?"
"Yeah"
The girls were all just sat and talking about anything just to keep Beca's mind off what was bothering her. They all went to their next lesson as Beca had music and wanted to go.
As the day went on, Mr. Harris hadn't called Beca to go see him, he had a feeling the suggestion for the counselling wouldn't go down well. It was wrong for Beca to not be in lesson, but he'd rather her cool down then shout and swear at other teachers. A lot was going on for her, and for a 15 year old kid, it was a lot to deal with.
Beca was on her way home with the girls, she hadn't look at her phone since she text Chloe this morning, there were a few texts from her Mum.
Mum (09:07) – On my way to work, I'll see you later x
Mum (09:22) – Where are you? School have rung, you're not in lesson
Mum (09:24) – Becs, please tell me you're ok.
Mum (09:57) – What is happening? Are you on your own?
Mum (10:08) – At least you're in lesson
Mum (13:09) – We're talking when you get home. I'm not mad, I need to know what's going on.
Mum (14:28) – I love you, Beca x
"Shit, my Mum wants to talk"
"Shawshank, you need to talk, none of us knows what's going on, maybe at least talking to your Mum will help"
"Amy's right, I know you're not ready, but you need to tell her, and we'll all be here for you" Stacie said.
"Babe, they're right, I know it's going to be rough, but you can't keep bottling it up"
"Fuck fuck fuck, I can't, I just can-"
"Mitch, I don't know what's going on, but whatever it is you're hiding, it's destroying you, we are your friends, we're not going anywhere. Talk to her, and if you want me can come round or we can see you tomorrow, we can drink and have a little smoke, and just forget life, how does that sound?"
"You had me at little smoke"
"Eurgh, I'm so not ready for this"
"Babe, you never will be ready for something like this, but you need to tell her, sooner rather than later"
Beca tried to hold back her tears. She knew deep down her friends, and Mr. Harris was right, maybe counselling would help her, but she wasn't willing to say the last part out loud.
"I'll text you later ok?"
"We all love you, babe. We're going round Stacie's, so just message ok?"
Beca kissed Chloe's cheek, took a deep breath and went into her house.
"Mum?"
"Yeah?"
"We need to talk, Chloe said something today and she's right, I need to confront this head on"
"You're worrying me Beca, what's going on?"
"Mum, sit down, please"
"Never thought I'd take orders from my own daughter" She laughed.
"Mum it's hard for me to say this, I've always dreaded this moment of telling you, god, I never wanted to tell you, but I need to, god I need to stop crying"
"Becs, I'm worried, what's going on"
"Ok, please don't say anything until I have finished. It all started a year ago…..
Beca was talking for about an hour until she stopped. Both her and Jordan were in tears. Jordan's tears were out of anger, not angry with Beca, angry because someone was capable of doing something like that. Yes, her parents had problems, that's why they split, but Jordan would be lying if she said she still had feelings, but unfortunately that'd never happen.
"Say something please, Mum" Beca spoke.
"We need to go to the police"
"Mum, you are the police, what can they do?"
"They can take her down, there's got to be CCTV somewhere right?"
"They looked into it, there wasn't any"
Jordan stood up and put her coat on.
"Mum, where are you going?"
"I need to go to work"
"It's nearly 5 mum, please Mum"
"I need to go to the office, I know that road, there's CCTV, please Beca, you have to trust me, I know there's CCTV. I'll be back soon I promise, I just need to think"
"I'm sorry, Mum" Beca sobbed.
"Shh, shh don't cry, we're going to sort this, and this bitch is going to get then down one way or another"
"You're not going to kill her are you?"
"What? No, I want justice for your Dad"
"Oh, shame, I was getting excited about hiding a dead body"
"I hope you're joking"
"Does it look like I'm joking? She killed Dad, least she could do is rot in hell"
"Right, enough of that talk, I'm going to look at files, get the girls round and it's a school night, but they can stay over, if their parents say yes. I'll message when I'm on my way home. Here's $30, order food. I love you and we will get her sorted"
"Are you sure, Mum, you can just look at the stuff tomorrow?"
"I won't be able to sleep, don't think I'm angry at you, I'm not, I just need to do this Beca, can you understand?"
"I understand, Mum. I'm sorry I never told you, I just didn't know how"
"It's ok, I'm not angry at all. god I can't imagine how hard it's been. I understand everything, let me try and find something, I need to do this. Yes your Father and I ended on bad terms, but I still loved, fuck it, yes I still love him, he left us, but the least I can do is try and get justice for him. We need to know why there was no footage. I need to know why"
"Ok, just message me, please"