I'm quite happy with how quickly I got this chapter ready. I might even get one more out before my holiday. We shall see :) 3
"A party?" Mrs Patmore exclaimed from behind the table. The crease on her forehead signalled to Mrs Hughes that she was already annoyed. It didn't take much sometimes, especially if Daisy had wound her up sometime before. Mrs Hughes often had to pull her in from her anger, or try and make her laugh it off. It was one of those days where her temper was short, and it hadn't been the first time she had heard her yell about something.
"Yes, a party of sorts." Mrs Hughes stared expectantly at Mrs Patmore who had turned herself around in a strop and manhandled a frying pan on the side. "Just a small get together."
"Just a small get together?" she replied as she turned and narrowed her eyes. As when she was annoyed, her hair seemed to match her mood. The more hot and bothered she got, the more her red hair twisted outwards as if she had touched electricity.
"Are you just going to repeat everything I say?" Mrs Hughes exasperated with wide eyes and a slight smirk at the corner of her mouth. She probably should be a little firmer with her, to stop her from getting even more annoyed, but the cook had been kind to her recently. It wasn't directed at anyone anyway.
"I do appreciate notice, ya know. It makes my life easier." Mrs Patmore sighed. "I'll have to check the stores and see what we've got to work with. Whatever is it for? It doesn't seem like it's exactly the right time to be partyin'." The frying pan landed with a loud and ear ringing clang.
"His Lordship wants to do something special for Lady Mary and Mr Carson's return. I think that it's a lovely idea. God knows we need something to look forward to. Her Ladyship has said that it would be nice to have it down here in fact. Just a few nibbles, some drinks and a good time if I remember their words correctly. They're both coming home from the hospital tomorrow. I did ask if he would prefer it upstairs, but he said he wants everyone involved. It was good of us all to help when we did, and he wants it to be nice for Mr Carson especially." Mrs Hughes genuinely felt warmed by the notion. It reaffirmed that they were a good family, and they had a good heart. After all, Carson had nearly perished in trying to save Mary from herself, and they were trying to do something for him. The thing that was warming her more than anything was the idea that he was going to be home. Not only that but he was going to be within arms reach for her. In her head, she imagined being able to hug him and hold him close if she wanted to behind the closed door of his pantry. It did dawn on her that he might not find that proper in the home. They hadn't spoken about the logistics of what their relationship was going to entail yet. She just wanted to be held. It was a human need for closeness, but also because she had been thinking about it for a very long time. There was a desire to be held tightly against his chest. What she wanted was to feel him pressed against her as her arms wrapped tightly around his back. It was those simple things that made a relationship.
"What are we talkin'? Sandwiches and pies? Vol-au-vants and Oysters Rockerfeller? What time is this taking place?" Mrs Patmore, if she could, would likely have steam roaring out of her ears if it were physically possible.
"His Lordship said something simple, early evening roughly. We will know more about the time tomorrow. I am sure you'll think of something? Come now, wipe that frown off of your face. It's going to be lovely. Let's just remind ourselves that things will be getting back to normal soon." Mrs Hughes' facial expression was soft and relaxed as she gazed upon Mrs Patmore and her crinkled face.
Staring at her friend, who looked happy even though she wasn't smiling, Mrs Patmore exhaled and straightened herself out. "Well, we all know what you're lookin' forward to." Mrs Patmore quipped before taking the abused frying pan and hanging it up on a hook.
Mrs Hughes narrowed her eyes playfully. "Shhhh, will you."
"What?" Mrs Patmore's face was expelling mock innocence. "You know, lookin' forward to things gettin' back to normal. Silly."
Mrs Hughes grinned but didn't say a word. There were still people floating around. "Can I leave you to arrange that then if it's not too much trouble?"
Mrs Patmore turned and nodded her head. "I'll throw something together. I'll look through what we have and then start on it in the morning. It won't be anything fancy. Would you be able to sort the drinks out?"
"I'll speak to his Lordship in the morning. It'll be fine. Thank you, Mrs Patmore." Mrs Hughes had a look around before turning back to her friend. "I'm just stepping out for a short while by the way."
"Oh, are you? Going down to the hospital?" Mrs Patmore raised her eyebrows and tilted her head.
"Yes. I won't be late. I just want to pop in and see how he is. Is there anything you need from me before I go?"
Mrs Patmore shook her head. "No, I don't think so. It's gone quiet for the evening anyway."
"Yes, it has. Everyone seems so exhausted. Even his Lord and Ladyship have been retiring early in the evenings now." Mrs Patmore tapped her fingers on the table as she ran through the jobs that needed doing before the morning. "I can pick up the odd job before I go to bed anyway."
"Well, have a nice time." Mrs Patmore smirked. "I'll go and look now and see what we have that I can make last minute. If there's anything urgent we might need I can get it sent for tomorrow."
"Yes, thank you." Mrs Patmore turned and headed to get her jacket. There were still butterflies in her stomach at the thought of seeing him. Would this always be like that? Would she feel nervous because she knew that their love was mutual? Whatever it was, she knew that she couldn't wait to just be in his presence. It had almost become a craving.
Mary sat on a small bench at the rear of the hospital. It was located at the edge of the building just as you rounded the corner from the entrance. It touched slightly on the edge of the grass, and she dangled her feet and kicked at the blades aimlessly with her feet as she inhaled a deep refreshing breath. The air bit at her skin slightly, so she lifted her shawl around her body and pulled it in tight. It wouldn't do much, but she didn't feel like going in just yet so she knew she had to put up with it.
The sky had moved into the dark blues and purples that signalled that the day was at an end. The night was going to take over the world for its place in time. It was her last night at the hospital and it was all so bitter-sweet. At first, she thought that she should get a decent nights rest, but there was an innate feeling of wanting to be free for just that second longer. This place had become her solace, and she needed to make the most of it. At the same time, she knew that she had to go back and begin her life again. Things were at a stalemate in her mind.
Time moved slowly, and as she gazed up at the sky she could see the tiny pricks of light that were breaking through the dark blanket that had covered the horizon. There was a feeling in the pit of her stomach that she couldn't quite place. Gathering her thoughts, thinking about what it could be, she pictured the Abbey and her family. Tracing her way through the halls, she imagined each room and each person. Things were going to return to a level of normalcy, and she knew deep within her heart that she was terrified. There was something about being away from it all that filled her with a slither of calm. There were fewer distractions, less required of her and it was simple. Mary did know, however, that there was one thing she knew that she couldn't ignore any longer. It wasn't her grief. She had to accept that and move forward as best as she could. It was George. That beautiful boy was her only real physical tie to her beloved husband. The blonde hair on his head. All the different shades of blue in his eyes. Every part of his porcelain skin. It all reminded her of Matthew. Although she had been encompassed by her grief, and often did things she hadn't realised, she knew that she had avoided her maternal responsibilities with an increased level of conscious effort.
Being away from her life had made her appreciate how important the simple things in life were. The people she missed were the ones that she needed to hold closer. The jobs and things she did that she missed were the things she needed to do more of. Mary had to live her life for her son. The avoidance of her son was a reflection of the pain in her heart. It had pushed aside the maternal love. To try and get over Matthew's death meant that she had to ignore George because of how much he reminded her of him. To truly begin to move forward with her life she had to be a proper mother to her son. She had to instil Matthew's loves, beliefs and wishes to the boy that caused her so much pain. She wanted to be interested in him. She had to be interested in him. What if she always held something bitter in there against him just because he was the picture of his father? It was all a bit too much to try and fathom. This had been the longest she had thought about it since she had arrived at the hospital. Addressing it seemed to be the final thing that she had to get through. It was the clearest she had been able to think in such a long time that it made her rationalise too much about her situation. It left her feeling scared. Very scared. In all honesty, she was terrified. It was the point in her life where she had to accept responsibility for her son for what he was. Matthew's son. Their son. Her son. An heir. Mary's darling boy.
Truly terrified.
As she continued to stare up at the sky, she felt herself begin to think of Matthew. They had on numerous occasions spent time outside staring up at the stars as they moved into view. There was something about the ethereal night sky when it was clear and dark that Matthew had been drawn to. He liked simple things. Matthew saw the best in everything around him, and he did his best to show her the world through his eyes. It was the times they had together when they were alone that she missed the most. They were pure, honest and simple. Being able to talk to him, touch him and be close to him seemed like a distant memory. Maybe that was why she enjoyed the hospital so much? The simplicity made her appreciate more than she thought she would, which was so very Matthew. Maybe his loss to her would bring something softer out of her after all?
"I miss you so much, my darling Matthew," she whispered, keeping her eye fixed onto the brightest star in the sky. He had told her the name of that star once, and it annoyed her that she couldn't remember it now. What else would she forget the further away from his memory she got? That thought made her ache.
"I pray, and you know I would never normally say it, that I never forget the way you made me feel. I pray that I never forget the things you showed me, that you taught me, and that you enriched my life with. I want to show George who you were as a man, and who you would have been as a Father." Mary felt the sadness begin to stir within her, starting an incline into her chest. It was a little different. It was a longing for him that surfaced first, an aching in her chest that burnt like the fire of a thousand suns. "I miss your smile. I miss your eyes. I miss the way you would kiss my head when you thought I was asleep. I miss the little touches, the little nudges and the way you made me feel complete. You were the part of me that I didn't know I was missing. Now it feels like someone has ripped it out after it had become a part of my being." The tears began to sting at her eyes and so she took in a deep breath. "I hope I'll do you proud," she choked quietly.
Mary kept her face turned upwards at the sky, but she closed her eyes as a single freezing gust of wind rushed past her face. It took her back to the moment that made her life fall into place. The moment he asked her to be his wife. As she opened her eyes slowly, the tears glistened stubbornly in the corners of her eyes, she tried with all of her might to keep them at bay. Swallowing relentlessly, as if she was trying to swallow an orange whole, she pictured his face on that cold winter's night. How do you truly let go of perfection? How do you cope with the thought that nothing like that would ever happen again? They stood outside in the blistering cold as the snow fell around them. Not feeling the bitter temperature, her body burning as Matthew stood just a few inches away. The way, as he spoke to her, he edged himself closer and closer to her body with a broad and unfaltering grin. The way his eyes lit up as he spoke. The way her body reacted instinctively to him as he got closer and closer. When she finally said she would marry him it felt like something had exploded within her like a raging fire. The kiss. The way he picked her up and twisted her around. Everything was so perfect, even though to others it would likely not seem to be. They spoke about Lavinia, America, Pamuk and of Carlisle. Their little moment had been perfect to them, as he had been perfect to her. It was a part of their story. It was what made them who they were.
"Forgive me," she whispered. "I'm sorry that I have not been there for your son. I know you would understand and tell me something positive and that I was being silly." Mary smiled through the tears that slowly broke free from her eyes. "And I suppose I am being silly in a way. But I can't help it. I feel lost without you. Cold. Stone-like even. You melted the bad things. You made everything better."
Mary ran her hand down her arm and took hold of the bracelet on her wrist. It had become almost like a subconscious ritual when she thought of him. "I have a feeling within me that makes me think that if I get over this grief, and by gosh I know I have to, that I'll be letting you go. I don't want to let you go, but I have to do this. You'll always be there in my heart because I think that you have become my heart. I know you will be in every thought, feeling and breath. You'll be in everything. I won't be letting you go really. They are not intertwined, and I know that, but I just can't shake that feeling. I know that you would never be disappointed in me, that you would push me until I was back on my feet and give me your backing even at the cost to yourself. I thought and felt, and still do, that I just can't do this without you. I know now, although it's taken me long enough, that I have to do it for you. Otherwise, what is the point? What was the point in any of this?"
Mary felt an unbelievable level of guilt as she thought about him. Would she let him go? Letting him go terrified her, and she knew deep down that she had to move forward. It wasn't going to be easy, it wasn't, but she knew in her heart of hearts that it was for him. It made her sigh, her hand lifting to wipe away a tear that had moved its way to the tip of her nose. Dejectedly, she leant into the bench and twisted at the bracelet. "I feel so silly. I know you can't hear me. I just miss you, Matthew. I miss talking to you. I miss you being there when I've had a bad day. It feels like it's been the longest darkest day since you've left. Even when I was angry, you always made sure that you were there. You would break it down until you pulled out a smile. You were there, and now... you're not."
Mary sniffed and wiped the tears away from her face with the back of her hand. She closed her eyes and took in a steadying breath, exhaling in a long and drawn-out fashion. "I need to try with everything to be strong. I just can't carry on like this. I don't want to cry any longer. I'm going to do my best not to, no matter how hard. I won't let this take me over again. I will try. I will try for you."
Mrs Hughes was faced with the entrance to the hospital once more. The contrast between the daunting and menacing vision it was to her when she stood before it previously was huge. Now it symbolised something deeper to her. The arch was like a gateway to some semblance of heaven. It was like her whole world had flipped upside-down after walking through it. It was now welcoming, inviting, like the breach to a new world. If she went through those gates, at least for now, she could talk to Carson without much interference from people they knew well. Although she felt a fondness for the building, she knew she couldn't wait until she could have everything back to normal. To have Carson standing at the door, to have him sat behind his desk as he beavered away, to have him sit and talk to her in the evenings. Their future together was still undecided in detail, but at the same time, there was an exciting prospect that was waiting to unfold. They could create something together.
There were things that she needed to sort for the party tomorrow, so as painful as it was going to be to her, she wasn't going to stay long. If she had her way she would stay by his side for every moment of every hour. The presence of him was enough to keep her full of love, of warmth and of anything else she thought she might need. Mrs Hughes smiled, her mouth moving upwards as if it were reaching towards the sky. It still shocked her that it had happened at all. It was if she had been in a wonderful dream. She was so used to things not going her way that she couldn't let it sink in properly. There was still the smallest niggle of doubt. That was her though, and she knew that it would go away as the days passed. She was just used to having her guard up.
As Mrs Hughes headed towards the door she could hear something that made her stop in her tracks. The air was quite still, aside from a stray breeze now and then, so it was easy to hear the faint sniffling nearby. It sounded like someone was crying. Mrs Hughes had spent many years around young women and men, and she could hear it and could tell right away that it was a young woman. Often, they just wanted someone to talk to, and Mrs Hughes wanted to go in and see Mr Carson, but that protective side of her couldn't help itself. As her friends had shown her over the past few days, she knew that having a friendly ear could make all the difference. Maybe she needed help? As much as she wanted to go and talk to Carson, to be by his side, she knew that she just needed to check.
Quietly, she poked her head around the corner to see where the noise was coming from. Sat on the bench, bathed in a faint orange glow from the light from a nearby window was Lady Mary. As she squinted slightly, she could see that the younger woman was leaning back into the bench looking lost but determined. Her breathing was laboured, like she was trying to balance herself and reign in her emotions.
"I need to try with everything to be strong. I just can't carry on like this. I don't want to cry any longer. I'm going to do my best not to, no matter how hard. I won't let this take me over again. I will try. I will try for you."
It sounded like she was talking to Matthew, and that made her feel sorry for Lady Mary. The whole attitude towards the younger woman was a little different now. Maybe it was more the fact that Mrs Hughes' life had changed, and therefore so had her outlook? All she knew was that the poor woman was grieving. When they had found out what had happened, she didn't think there had been a single person that hadn't been saddened by it. He had been such a genuine man.
At first, Mrs Hughes had heavily blamed Lady Mary for what had happened to Carson. Now that he was better, now that they had told each other how they had felt, she could tell that the deep dislike and blame towards her had lifted. What she knew was that if she had lost Carson, then she would be in the same position as her. In grief. It was hard enough to feel what she did when he was unconscious.
Yes, the feelings towards Lady Mary had changed somewhat now that the circumstances were different. She was also a young woman that Carson held dear, and she thought that maybe it was time to offer out an olive branch. Mary had told her how sorry she was, and she knew that she had meant it by the conviction behind her eyes. They would likely never see eye to eye fully because Mrs Hughes did sometimes wonder if Lady Mary manipulated Carson's loyalty for her benefit. But as she was someone important to him, she knew that there needed to be a better relationship between them. There had been times, especially over recent days, where she had seen something there that she recognised as being a quality that Carson would admire. If Lady Mary hadn't done what she had, would the relationship between herself and Carson developed further? That was another factor. Was she happy that it had happened in a way? She daren't delve into that any further through fear of the result.
Mrs Hughes exhaled, took a firm grip on her bag and took a few quiet steps until she was level with the bench. "Are you ok, Lady Mary?" The voice that came out was soft. It likely mirrored how sad she felt at seeing the young woman so upset.
When Mary heard the sound of her voice, she jumped, shocked by the sudden break in silence. "Oh," she gasped. "Mrs Hughes. I didn't hear you coming." Quickly, she wiped at her face again and tried to compose herself. "Carson will be happy to see you," she said in a friendly tone, avoiding direct eye contact with the older woman.
"I hope so, My Lady. I'm terribly sorry that I gave you a scare." Mrs Hughes smiled awkwardly, watching as Mary looked down at her hands. "I was just walking inside when I heard something that sounded like crying. I thought I would come and see if whoever it was was ok."
Mary's lips flattened out into an awkward smile, and she lifted her gaze to meet the other woman. "That's the question, isn't it?"
Mrs Hughes didn't quite understand what her comment was directed at. It was likely more a comment to herself it seemed "Is it ok if I take a seat, My Lady?" Mrs Hughes said reluctantly, looking at the open space next to where Mary was seated.
Mary's head tilted in confusion. That was not what she was expecting. Giving Mrs Hughes' face a more detailed look, she could see that her eyes were wide, her face was soft, and it comforted Mary for a second. Although it also seemed like it was a look of sympathy. Did she feel sorry for her? Mary found herself nodding reluctantly. She watched carefully as Mrs Hughes took a seat, trying to gauge what was happening. Mary had been the one that had instigated any recent contact, and it felt odd to be on the other end of it. It was all a very unlikely distraction from her feelings, and so she turned ever so slightly so she was facing more in Mrs Hughes' direction. Maybe this was the moment that could move their relationship in a better direction? They both meant something to Carson, and Mary knew that they needed a new layer to whatever relationship they had.
Mrs Hughes didn't say anything right away, and she could feel the gaze of Mary boring into the side of her head. They both must feel awkward because it might have been the first time since that night in Carson's hospital room that they had said more than just idle chatter to each other. Ignoring the intense feeling of being watched, she turned her gaze to the stars. They were glistening brightly as there wasn't a cloud in the sky. It was lovely being in the countryside because you could see the lights so much clearer than if you were in a city. It was refreshing to be outside. Since her last moment where she had sat outside on a bench, she felt so much better. She felt freer and lighter. "I am so very sorry about Mr Crawley, My Lady. He was a wonderful man. Kind and fair. Charming. Friendly. Dedicated."
Mary hadn't expected that either. The sound of his name made her twitch. Mary leant back into the bench and lifted her eyes to the sky so could look at that star again. That was Matthew's star now and she would find out what it was called. "Yes, he was."
Mrs Hughes cautiously side-eyed Mary, who she could see was now also looking up at the sky. "I remember saying to Anna when she was going through that horrible time with Mr Bates that a broken heart can be as painful as a broken limb. I believe that to be the truth. Losing someone you love so dearly would be as catastrophic as losing all of your limbs."
The pause between them was long. Mrs Hughes waited patiently, not wanting to press any further. Maybe it hadn't been her place to say anything at all? but she had wanted to say something. In her left ear, she could hear Mary's breath hitching as she tried to keep herself in control. Hearing that, she knew that she had to say something else to break the tension and thoughts she must be thinking. "This world is cruel, but there are ways to get through it. I know that you have a lot of people in your life that care very deeply for you, My Lady. Many people. Not even immediate family. You have friends that care for you and will do whatever it takes to get you through this. Use them whenever you need."
"I know," Mary exhaled. "And I know you mean Carson."
Mrs Hughes smiled. "I do. But not just him, no. He does care very deeply for you though. I've known him for a long time, not as long as you have, but enough to know that as a fact."
"Yes, he does." Mary forced a smile. The thought of Carson made her think about the relationship that was unfolding between him and Mrs Hughes.
Mrs Hughes had an issue with how casual Mary was to agree about how much Carson cared for her. It was this sort of behaviour that made her think that Mary used it to her advantage. But as it stood at that moment, it didn't mean much as it was just a comment. It was still enough to make the thought cross her mind though.
Mary knew that she had to offer something to Mrs Hughes. As a person in her position, she didn't have to offer anyone anything. This was deeper than that though, and as pieces in Carson's life, they had to play their part like pawns in a chess game. "I know you mean well, Mrs Hughes, and I appreciate you stopping to see if I was quite well."
"That's ok, My Lady." Mrs Hughes smiled and placed her handbag on her lap so she could lean on it.
Mary moved her eyes to the other woman. "I do know you're doing it for much more than just a simple check-in though. You're doing it for the benefit of someone else. I don't mind that, not at all, and I appreciate you taking the time to sit with me."
Mrs Hughes felt her nostrils flare. What did she mean? It was just a simple gesture. "I don't understand, My Lady?" Now was not the time to get annoyed. They were different, very different in fact. They saw things from completely different perspectives.
Mary smiled. It didn't seem to be a smile of contempt, annoyance or anything else. It was just a plain smile. Mrs Hughes couldn't read what it meant, so she sat and waited.
"You're doing this for Carson, Mrs Hughes." Mary's voice was firm but soft. There was no malice there.
Mrs Hughes was a little taken aback. As she thought about it momentarily, she recalled a few things that had been said to her that had made her wonder. This was almost a little too direct and accurate. "No-"
"Mrs Hughes," Mary interrupted. "You do not need to lie or defend yourself to me. Please give me the chance to tell you something that will put you at ease."
Mrs Hughes' eyes were wide. She did not know what to say or what to do, so she sat silent and nodded her head. It took a lot to keep Elsie Hughes from her words.
"I'm not sure how well you know my character as a person and not just someone that you serve. I watch people. I see people. I can read people, and have done for many years, to often use that in my favour. I will not deny that. In the world I live in, and the role I have been playing, it's what I have had to do. Over the past week, I have seen things from you that has given me a reason to believe that you and Carson have more to you than just people that work together. You came to him night after night to make sure that he was ok. You sat by his side. When he finally came to he called out your name. I've seen the way you are around him, in an environment that is neutral from your positions in the home. I stumbled upon something the other night and I saw the way he held your face."
Mrs Hughes felt her stomach knot. It felt like she was about to get into some sort of trouble. Of course, she knew that she would defend Carson if she had to. If this was the start of the unravelling of their jobs, then she would make sure that Carson stayed in his.
"Don't look so scared, Mrs Hughes. I told you that I was going to tell you something that would make you feel at ease."
That still didn't make Mrs Hughes feel better. Lady Mary's version of putting someone at ease could be very different from hers.
"I know love, Mrs Hughes. I've had it and lost it. I know that you both love each other very much. Do not fear a reaction from me, Mrs Hughes. I have to admit to you, that I have already spoken to Carson about this. I told him that if this is what he wants then I am fine with it. I want to offer and extend that sentiment to you. I accept your relationship. In fact, I endorse it. I know that I don't have to permit you because love isn't something that needs it. I just want you to know that if anything were to arise from this then I would back your corner. I want Carson to have someone that he can love and cherish, and to have someone that feels the same towards him. I want him to have the world and something to call his own. He deserves it. He deserves to have something other than his job."
Mrs Hughes could feel her mouth sitting open. She felt shocked. This was most certainly not how she thought this interaction was going to go. It was nice to hear, it was. Lady Mary's opinion was one that Carson cherished, and she knew that having her on their side was a blessing. Mrs Hughes knew that Lady Mary rarely didn't get her way. "Oh, My Lady-"
"We have never seen eye to eye, Mrs Hughes, not truly. I have often wondered if you liked me. It's strange I know, and I shouldn't care if you do as it's the job that I must ensure that you do. I suppose, over the past few days, I have wondered it more. There is a huge new perspective behind my eyes you could say. We have lived different lives, walked different paths and seen the world through different eyes. I know that you likely think that the relationship between Carson and I as unusual. I'm sure you think that there is something there that means I take advantage of him. I want to change any perceptions you may have about me. I am a person, Mrs Hughes. I want you to know more than what you may think of me already. I am on your side. I am on Carson's side."
Mary wrapped the shawl as tightly as she could around her, the temperature dropping as the moments moved on. "I am fond of him. There aren't many people who I care for like I do him. I know it's not proper to speak about, but sometimes these things just need saying. He always knows what to say when I need it. He is always there. Without him, I wouldn't be here right now in fact. I know you blame me for the fact he was injured, and I can only apologise. I didn't want that. I would never ever want that. I have lost one man that I care for, and I nearly lost another."
"It's ok, My Lady. Really." Mrs Hughes' could feel how authentic the words were, and she felt the respect towards the other woman shift. It was true that Mrs Hughes may not know Mary as a person. It was clear that there was much more to her than she had thought. Maybe she should give her more of a chance? The olive branch was being set from both sides it seemed.
"I know you blame me for what happened, and you are correct. I know that you are something special in his life, and so I feel that we must do better at being friends. If you make Carson as happy as I think you do, then I must extend my friendship to you. If not for you, then for Carson. You may not even want it, and I don't blame you. I hope you do not think of me as intruding. I hope you do not think that I am crossing a line. Which is ironic really, considering our places in this world. I just want you to know that I fully support and back your corner. Carson has told me that you have much to discuss, and of course, you do, it's unchartered land for you both. But please, Mrs Hughes, allow me to tell you that I will stand with you if you need me to. I have already said to Carson that I can talk to his Lordship to make sure that it is all as smooth as possible. Carson being Carson has said that he wants to do it himself."
Mrs Hughes felt an enormous rush of emotion. It was a nice thing that she was saying to her, and it was completely unexpected. Not being able to stop herself, she reached out to place her hand on Mary's arm. "Your words mean a great deal, My Lady. They really do."
Mary looked down at Mrs Hughes' hand and let the right side of her mouth lift. "As I said. We haven't always seen eye to eye, but I hope we can be better. I hope we can understand each other more. I owe that man my life. He doesn't want to accept the debt in which I have to him, because he is a man of propriety and he doesn't like to deviate from that. But I am in his debt. I also can't do without him."
"Yes, My Lady. I think we can and should do better. I respect and appreciate what it is that you are saying. I really do. Do not think me impertinent for saying, but it's on a level as a woman to woman and not an employee to employer." Mrs Hughes tried to give Mary a reassuring smile.
"I wouldn't think it impertinent. I think it as a level of honesty. And in situations like this, that's the most we can ask for." Mary sighed and turned her attention to the sky, which was now as dark as ever. "I know if the Dowager was listening she would be mortified that we were entertaining a conversation as a woman on woman, rather than you being the head housekeeper and me who you serve. You are not working. I am not waiting or expecting anything. I just have a different perspective on things right now. I need to concentrate on things that will help me and move me forward. I don't want to cry any longer. I want to live my life for Matthew. Carson has and will be pivotal in that, and so I want him to be happy. Can you promise me something, woman to woman?"
"I'll certainly try, My Lady." Mrs Hughes tilted her head as she waited for the question.
"Don't break his heart. I know first hand the devastation of a broken heart. Although mine is mixed with grief, I can tell you that I would never wish that upon my enemy. I do feel that you will both do well by each other though. I don't want to see him hurt. I know he loves you. I know he will always love you, and he has probably loved you for a long time before now. Just promise me that you won't break his heart. It changes a person, it truly does, and I don't ever want him to change. I don't think he could handle it and I'm not sure if I could either."
Mrs Hughes sucked in a mouthful of air. Her first reaction was one of anger. Lady Mary did not know her as a person, just like the other way around apparently. But then she rationalised it and realised that Mary was just looking out for Carson. Mrs Hughes also tried not to think about the fact that some of the key facets for Mary's reasonings were ones for her own gain. It was because she needed him. No, she had to let it lie, even though her instincts were to back Carson's corner too. In a way, she supposed, Mary's state also correlated to Carson's. It was unusual, but it worked for them. At this moment, Mrs Hughes had to keep her mind on the idea at hand, and that was to extend the olive branch. "Oh, I promise, My Lady. I have no intentions of going anywhere." She paused for a moment. As they were both talking about honesty, and given the fact that Mary had offered a huge olive branch, she thought she would try and give her the truth. "I have loved him for a very long time too, My Lady. Too long in fact. This whole situation has made us realise that. We have been silly not to see it sooner."
"Romance and love are difficult. Sometimes it's the difficult situations that make love known. So," Mary paused. "Do you think we could be friends?"
Mrs Hughes smiled again. "Oh, I say that it should be easier from now on."
Mary smiled back before letting a shiver take over her body. She should go inside and get some rest, but it was so beautiful outside. She knew that the conversation with Mrs Hughes was going to give her some more thoughts to go over.
"Let's get you inside, Lady Mary, it's getting rather chilly." Mrs Hughes got to her feet.
"Not just yet. But please, go ahead. Carson will be thrilled to see you."
Mrs Hughes nodded. "Lady Mary, if you ever need anything, you know that we will both do what we can to help. As will many others."
"I know, Mrs Hughes. Thank you. Now, don't let me keep you. Thank you again for stopping to look in on me." Mary twisted so she was facing forward completely.
"Are you sure you will be ok, Lady Mary?" Mrs Hughes felt a little uneasy at leaving her, especially considering what she had witnessed when she had arrived. The woman was still in an immense amount of pain. It did seem at the same time that she was trying to push herself forward.
"I will be. It will take time, but I will. I have to. I have things that I must do."
They both glanced at each other before Mary returned her eyes to the sky. Mrs Hughes nodded and turned herself towards the hospital. Well, she hadn't expected that.
And I hadn't expected that either! It just naturally emerged after I was keymashing out some dialogue :) I hope you enjoyed the chapter.