Of all the things Kasumi had done, getting a new lead on Vido was the best thing to happen to them. After her dinner with her mother, she was feeling a lot of complex catharsis (especially since somehow her mother cornered Grunt and he was now calling her Mama Shepard and sending her all his previous mission reports for fun, with videos of Odin attached?)

Gist is, Anya'd lost completely control of that situation.

But after all that domestic weirdness, she had a win as a Commander. Finally, she could get Zaeed what he wanted and protect civilians.

On the flip side, they had to do the mission the Kasumi way and, well...

Let's just say the tight skirt was making her thighs itch.

Through some back-channels, Kasumi discovered that Vido was a member of this high-paying sex club, and it would be possible to corner him and take him out fairly easily, since no one was allowed in with guns.

Obviously, the master thief had a work around to get a pistol in Zaeed's hands.

To sell the gambit, though, several of them had to go in, pretend to be part of the scene, and use their communicators to get Vido in place. And she and Garrus were a key part of the mission because Vido almost exclusively looked for threesomes.

Kasumi thought, since they were a couple, playing the part would be easy for them. Throughout prep, Anya and Garrus convinced themselves, too.

So why did she feel like collapsing on the floor just because he was holding her waist in public?

Over the comms, Kasumi's voice resonated in their ears, reminding them that yes, this was really happening. "Okay, Shepard, Vakarian, just act natural."

The only thing making her rising anxiety and warming cheeks any better was the fact that Garrus kept scratching the back of his neck, a very classic awkward Vakarian tactic. Coughing, Anya said, "Right. Yes. We can do that."

"Then why do you look like the bad actor in theater class?" Kasumi snorted across the line, and it only made Anya tense up more. That was easy for her to say, she was hiding in a tactical cloak, watching from above. Her thief ass wasn't being displayed on the floor like fresh meat for the right bidder. "I've seen you two flirt. Just get close and be yourselves."

"Easier to say when I didn't realize so many people would be watching us!" Anya already didn't like the Normandy eyes she knew trained on her every move, but it didn't help that there were an array of hungry looking club-goers taking long looks at them either. With a stressed exhale, Anya stopped puffing up her chest and absolutely deflated into a tall table, leaning her elbows on it. She couldn't even fucking look at Garrus. "Oh my god, I don't know how to do this."

He was a still close, though, his talons on her hips, his side pressed against hers. Luckily, the turian seemed to be faring a bit better than her, though, and was scanning the room. Garrus did admit, "I can feel you sweating on my arm." Then there was an audible swallow and she finally looked up at his bright blue eyes, which did sort of look like they were about to pop out of their sockets. "Everyone is looking at us."

At the though, Anya leaned harder into the table. "Oh my god, you're going to make me vomit."

"Don't vomit! If you vomit, I vomit."Back on comms, he said, "I don't know if we're cut out for this, Goto."

"Both of you, get your shit together. You have to look sexy enough to get Vido's attention. Or not to get yourselves kicked out for being suspicious. Jack's already had to make out with one of the bouncers. Though, the two seem to be enjoying themselves."

She'd have to thank Jack for her sacrifice later.

When she glanced across the room, though, Kasumi wasn't wrong. Anya didn't even know someone's tongue could go that far down someone else's throat.

Well, except-

All it took was the briefest glance from Garrus and her cheeks were burning again. Head down on the table, she was hoping the cool metal could ice her the fuck down.

After a few very long deep breaths, she raised her head. "Okay. so think sexy, not puke."

"Good start. Great imagery." Much to her sweaty back's delight, Garrus let go of her and, much more comfortably, leaned into the table with her. One shoulder bump and she felt a lot saner and in control than the rest of this hellscape. "If we fail this mission, we're never going to hear the end of it."

"I know. After all their teasing about the closets and my blushing problems and we fail this?" Anya laughed, but her eyes did find their way across his clothes, enjoying the all black ensemble that Kasumi insisted on. She'd have to thank her later for convincing him on a more human-like fitted shirt, despite his complaints. "I didn't get to tell you earlier. You look really nice."

Garrus snorted, but gave her a full-body look that didn't feel creepy, so she had to give him props on that. For her, that was a rare accomplishment. "If we want me to be able to speak sentences, I won't get started on how I think you look." What she liked more was the way his eyes trained on everyone else, that sniper kind of look in his eyes. That was so much hotter than any sexy club music of flirty banter.

After a good scan, he groaned. His talons did this way too overblown gesture in the direction of the dance floor. It was kinda cute. "I'm not kidding though, the staring? I know you're hot but I clean up nicely, thank you."

It was almost sweet that the idiot thought all the peering eyes was all about her.

But instead of getting too sappy, ANya stuck with what she was good at. She laughed. "I don't think it's that, Garrus. I think it's the fact we're a human and a Turian. It's not exactly a common match."

His voice harmonics hummed at the thought. "Hmm. That makes my ego feel a little better."

"Even if they were, you're the only one I notice." Garrus smirked next to her, and it only got wider when she bumped his shoulder against his.

This was right; this was them. Not all the tit pushing and possessive arms.

Both their hands on the table, their fingers laced, gently, knowing the probably had to back off at any moment. Mission came first.

Before they could get too cozy, though, Kasumi was injecting herself into their ears. Their fingers slid apart. "Whatever you two did, you've improved. You now look like an averagely boring couple at a bar, not like the turian's holding you hostage."

Garrus cocked his head and laughed at her. "Hear that? I'm not kidnapping you."

You could if you wanted, though. I wouldn't stop you." Just then, an Asari walked by them and gave such a suggestive wink that Anya felt like she got groped. Her shoulders shivered. Leaning towards Garrus, she admitted, "Dammit, it's so much easier to talk to you without so many people watching."

As he seemed to be prepping up for some sarcastic answer, the music cut and changed to some turian music that she swore she'd heard before.

When she looked to Garrus, he had a look of horror on his face that morphed into a very discontented scowl.

"Dammit, Tali."

"What?"

He gestured across the dance floor to the DJ podium. Tali was up there, giving the cheesiest, dad-style thumbs up she'd ever seen. Turning her own head to the side, Anya asked, "What's that about?"

"I-... That drunk night I told you about? Where Tali and I reminisced about you?" Garrus braced his temple and his jaw like if he didn't hold them in, they'd fall the fuck out. It was amusing to watch, but probably much less so to experience. "I told her I liked your dancing. Didn't clarify it wasn't your club dancing, in retrospect."

Anya couldn't control herself. She started laughing so hard that she doubled over. "She now thinks you like...?"

"Yeah. The jogger arms and off-beat hip motions."

"That's goddamn hilarious."

"Your bad dancing is cute, but not hot."

Crossing her arms, Anya feigned offense. Of all the things he could say to offend her, this was definitely small potatoes. If anything, between them, it was hardly a burn. But it was more fun to play offended. "You wound me, Vakarian."

"Get thicker skin, Shepard."

With a challenging cross between a smirk and a scowl, she countered, "If you got a closer look, you'd see it's pretty damn thick, Vakarian."

Garrus did take a step closer, and he did look, from her cheeks to the curve of her shoulder and lower. It really shut up all that giggling she was doing. "Maybe if it wasn't for this damned mission. We could've picked up where we left off."

Flustered, Anya stared at her hands, not at his deceptively attractive gaze. "We're supposed to be acting sexy, not actually take our damn clothes off." With a defiant brow raise, he traced a talon across her shoulder and leaned in. "You're pushing the line." Then, he tucked his talon under one of her dress straps and kissed her neck. Shepard didn't mean to, but she groaned. Before the turian could totally render her immobile, she grabbed his face in her hands. "Lucky for you, I'm not one for following orders." And then she pulled him in for one of those kisses that she was getting pretty addicted to.

As her fingers clutched the back of his neck, Kasumi's voice was in her ear again. "Vido's coming your way."

Pulling back from Garrus, she could feel the blush eating at her cheeks. "Fuck." This was not exactly the most put together she'd been on a mission. If anything, she was absolutely out of her mind and unprepared.

For fuck's sake, she had to straighten her dress. It had almost ridden up to show her ass, getting on her toes to kiss him.

And before she could wipe the lip gloss off Garrus' mouth, there he was before them.

Leering, trim, and smirking. Vido Santiago.

Anya really didn't like the way he was smiling at her, like some pet plaything. She disliked his hungry glances at Garrus even less.

All it took was him to start opening his mouth and she kinda hated him. She really couldn't blame Zaeed at this point. With that smirk oozing into every intonation, he said, "I don't think I've ever seen a human and a turian kiss before. Gotta admit, pretty hot." Extending a hand, he said, "Vido. And you are...?"

She really didn't want to offer her hand, but she did. Worse, the weirdo kissed it like some ancient aristocrat. Trying to hold in her disgust, Anya gave a code name."O-Oria. And this is- He's-"

"Castis." Anya frowned at Garrus. She didn't use her normal fake name because it was her mother's and that was weird. Now he was making her flirt with him under his father's name. Garrus looked at her apologetically before looking back to Vido. "Come here often?"

"Not nearly as much as I'd like." His eyes were scraping her body like it was the bottom of a bowl of cheese dip. It was honestly nauseating. "You two?"

"We're new here." All it took was seeing Tali shake her head from afar to remember that was not the story they were supposed to be going with. Faltering, Anya corrected herself. "But like, a few times new. Several, you could say."

"She's trying to say we've talked about it, but just recently wanted to try to spice things up a little." Garrus caught her eye and then seemed to have an internal panic attack, suddenly sputtering, "Not that Oria isn't more than enough, I just-"

Oh lord. What a perfect time for him to want to soothe her insecurities.

Before they could make too much of an ass of themselves, Mordin showed up out of nowhere, his hands tucked neatly behind his back. There was a ferocity in his eyes, a ruthlessness, that almost made him unrecognizable. "Hello. My name is Reegan. I'm their sponsor and friend. Please excuse them. They are a little nervous. They've been wanting to try bringing a third person into their sex life, but they can become very anxious about taking initiative. Especially when approached by such a handsome man like yourself." He gave this sickly, ass-kissing smile that made Anya want to apologize for making him stoop this low. But he didn't miss a beat, gesturing to the two men behind Vido, two bulkier sorts. "May I also have a moment with your associates? I have a more... business-like proposition."

Vido waved a hand and it was like he broke their tether to him. This was good, for getting the asshole cornered. "They're yours. And don't worry, I understand the effect I have on people."

Swallowing her own discomfort, she nodded and said, "R-Right."

His smile was getting especially lecherous the longer they talked. Anya had nothing aginst people who liked sex parties, but serious, who let this one in? Vido's hand extended towards her face, and it took all of her willpower not to recoil.

"You really do have such lovely hair-"

Before the man could touch a single long, brown lock, Garrus pulled Anya into his chest. If there wasn't a creepy man they were planning to murder right in front of them, Anya would've probably collapsed with the alount of blood rushing to her cheeks and the way her damn heart was thudding.

She could hear his against her ear. It was going pretty wild, too.

Blinking up at Garrus, he said, "The hair's mine." Then he looked down at her, and pulled the smoothest shit out his ass that would've never worked on her in any other situation because BOY was it cringey. "It was the first thing I ever noticed about her. I don't want anyone touching it."

"I like the possessiveness." Apparently Vido was unphased. Instead, he ran a hand down Garrus' free arm. "Maybe if i make you growl a different way tonight, I'll get to touch it." The low rumble of Garrus' chest made her feel many things that Anya didn't bother trying to identify. Video took a step back. "But I respect a man's claims."

But Anya had to take some agency back her. She wasn't a pet, not even in some fake acting bullshit. "He has no claim on me. I made a choice." To sweeten the pot for Vido, she gave Garrus the best tragic doe eyes that she could. "How could I look at him and not choose him?"

Hell, she was having the most fun tonight seeing who could lay it on thicker- her or the turian.

Garrus just smirked back at her.

"You certainly both have... spirit."

Anya raised an eyebrow. "You don't even know the half of it. But if you don't think you can handle us..."

"Oh, that doesn't mean I don't want a taste." Even though she knew that meant they were doing a good job, it didn't stop her from wanting to vomit.

Garrus offered, "So why don't we take this party to a more... private setting?"

"After you."

Tapping her ear, Anya signalled the rest of the Normandy ground team to close in behind them. The plan was they'd take Vido to a back room and the others would collapse on him, then give Zaeed his perfect revenge.

Had to say, this was far more humiliating than hunting him down merc style.

When they got to the room, she and Garrus turned on him while Tali and Zaeed closed the door behind them.

The second it clicked, Vido's eyes widened. "What the-"

Before his dumb ass could say much, Anya sent a punch straight into his throat. She would've preferred the dick, but it was the safest option with a dress. The little bitch collapsed, holding his neck.

Standing over him, Anya cracked her knuckles. "Unfortunately for you, I'm really more of a one-turian kind of woman." Then she cocked her head behind him. "But I'm sure my friend would like to have some fun with you."

When Vido finally looked, those goldfish eyes of his only got wider. "Zaeed."

"I'm happy to just get this over with." Pulling the pistol out from behind his back, he had the most satisfied smile she'd ever seen on the old merc. "Don't blue-ball your own assassination attempts, you prick." And then he fired the shot straight through his head.

And then a few more, for good measure.

Anya then took her shot to scrunch up her nose and ask, "Okay, seriously, Zaeed, why'd you sleep with a guy like that? He's so skeevy."

"I don't have to answer to you." But the frown didn't keep long. He patted her shoulder, all soldier-like, and said, "Thanks, Shepard. It finally feels like I get to move on with the rest of my life."

"Anytime."

The rest of the mission evacuation went smoothly. They walled off the room so he wouldn't be found until later, Garrus and Anya went out the back so that the bodyguards wouldn't be suspicious, and everyone else slowly exited.

Tali couldn't really look them in the eyes for a bit, probably because of half the open-comm flirting, but that was an awkwardness they had to accept.

It wasn't until she was back in her room, in her sweats and Garrus in his off-duty clothes, cackling on her couch that she felt human again.

Anya was in between laughs and asked, "The hair is mine?"

"I figured you didn't want his hands getting too close." Garrus scowled. "And what are you talking about, miss "I choose him"? We all said things down there that we're not 100% proud of."

Snorting, Anya patted his hand. But a couple pats in and she was getting softer, until she was just resting her hand on his. "I'm not saying you should ever go all jealous possessive on me again but.. It was kinda hot."

"Oh really?" Garrus rolled his eyes and said, "I preferred you telling a roomful of our friends that you're a one-turian kind of woman."

"I may be a terrible actor, but I'm very good at telling the truth." "We've spent the whole night being fumbling idiots, and while I did recently go on a small, discreet shopping trip, I'm not feeling very sexy myself. Not after being eye-fucked by a room full of strangers and one very seedy Blue Suns merc who was really into the interspecies relationship thing."

"I know! I'd keep the memory to make fun of you, but I'm pretty sure it's better we just call it a wash." He cocked his head towards her door. "Target practice instead?"

"Thank god yes."

/

Oh how I love shitty actress Anya. I'm finally back! Sorry for the 10 day hiatus, I had a bit of a stress breakdown and had to sort myself. Mental disorders and quarantine can get... weird. Right now, I'm also changing my post schedule to be once a week, posting both this and my Witcher story on Saturdays. This might just be temporary, and I may post extras because I can't help myself, but I want to make my schedule a little more friendly for my messy brain. Either way, thanks for being here 3 Thanks also (as always) to my patrons: Danyell Jones Amy Connolly See you next week!