My shift finally drew to a close, leaving me exhausted and I felt that I had worked off enough of my earlier anger to only be left with a simmering bitterness. I wandered toward Bellamy's quarters with a knot in my stomach as I expected an argument and for a moment I considered whether to simply hide in dorms for the night. I took a steadying breath before stepping inside and found Bellamy in the middle of undressing for bed. He turned at the sound of the door and a tired smile spread across his overworked face as he noticed me.
"You're back." He breathed with a tone of relief and I wondered if he hadn't expected me to return.
"I am." I replied awkwardly as I waited in the doorway for any indication of his mood.
There wasn't any visible anger in his demeanour, or I was stunned to find that he didn't seem to be interested in causing a fight between us. Instead, he simply continued to prepare for bed and I slid my jacket off casually as I strolled further into the room to place it on a chair. I considered removing my trousers and simply climbing into bed, as the desperately tired part of my brain demanded that I sleep immediately, but I was still unsure if I were welcome here following his earlier remarks. I turned toward the bed to confront Bellamy, but was immediately cut off as he stepped into my space to draw me into a heated kiss. My breath hitched at the sudden contact as his hands squeezed my hips and I had to lean against the dresser to brace myself against his enthusiasm.
My mind was reeling at his unexpected energy and I realised that my expectations of this evening were completely incorrect. He gathered me against his chest and my entire body thrummed with excitement, despite the concerned thoughts still buzzing around in the back of my mind. For once, I was annoyed with the intoxication of his touch and knew that the tension of this morning still lingered in the back of both of our minds. I tore myself away from his lips with an overpowering reluctance and attempted a stern expression, but he simply moved to peppering kisses along my neck as he threaded a hand into my hair.
"Bel." I hoped to be authoritative and although it was clear from my tone that I wanted his attention, his name fell from my lips in a far more breathy manner than I had intended. He groaned against my skin and as he dragged himself up to meet my eyes, I acknowledged that he didn't appreciate the interruption.
"I don't want to talk." He clarified and despite how direct his words were, I couldn't detect an ounce of malice in his voice, nor any indication of the attitude that he'd addressed me with this morning. Instead, there was something vulnerable in his eyes that made me wonder if his overnight adventures had affected him more than he was currently willing to admit.
"Then, what do you want?" I asked with a frown and I knew that he understood that I was referring to more than just in this moment. The way that he'd spoken as if there was a deep hurt earlier had left me doubtful if he'd even want me here and if we weren't going to discuss it, I would at least give him the option to tell me if he wanted me to leave after this.
"You. I want you." He asserted as he stared into my eyes and I was relieved that we understood each other so well. When he next pressed his lips to mine, there was an urgency that spurred me forward. Before I could think twice about talking, he had twisted us around to lower me to the bed. I knew from the desperation of his actions that he craved the distraction and he barely paused enough to allow me to gather my thoughts. Okay, we can talk about this later.
- O - O - O - O - O -
My new routine of training in the morning and working shifts in mechanical in the afternoon allowed a week to fly past without my notice. Monty remained adamant that I didn't shoulder too much of the strain and so on days that I had an afternoon available, I found myself assisting with preparing food for the camp whilst Bellamy was busy in meetings or training sessions. There had been no mention of the conversation by the gates and although Bellamy behaved awkwardly every time that he caught me on route to a shift, he hadn't mentioned Knox at all since. I hadn't decided how to bring this up in a way that would allow for a conversation rather than a confrontation. Things between us were still fresh and I was nervous that addressing this might trigger a conversation about what the nature of our relationship was. I'd already grown comfortable in our warm routine and I didn't want to jeopardise it by asking for more. For the time being, I had decided to simply enjoy every moment for what it was and to not obsess over the longevity of it.
Now that I was beginning to regain my strength, my lessons with Octavia and Lincoln had intensified and although I'd given the stipulation that they couldn't cover me in bruises, they'd mastered getting as close as possible without leaving marks. I felt confident in my progression and discovered that it was a helpful method of both burning off the anger that I buried inside and leaving me too exhausted to spend the entire night filled with nightmares. I considered it an achievement to have simply reduced the number of painful visions that haunted my sleep and I embraced any progress that I could gain.
After a particularly intense morning, I settled in the courtyard of camp to wind down. Monty had taken the shift in mechanical and I hadn't yet volunteered for kitchen duty, which allowed me the chance to savour the cool midday air.
"Hey Indigo, enjoying some time off?" A nervous voice drew my attention and I glanced up to find Knox smiling at me bashfully.
"Hey bud." I cheered as I leaned back in a relaxed manner and smiled encouragingly at my insecure companion. "Yeah, Monty wouldn't let me have the shift so I'll probably just hit the kitchen again." I commented lightly and he nodded.
"That explains it." He muttered and I tilted my head quizzically at him. "I don't think I've ever seen you not working somewhere, or training. I didn't realise you knew how to take a break." He added with a sly smile and I gasped in surprise.
"And I didn't realise you were a smartass!" I remarked as I jabbed at him playfully and he chuckled. "Did Wick give you any more crazy assignments yet?" I enquired with interest and he detailed the latest impossible task that he'd been given to share with Raven's equally talented science friend. Knox had filled me in on some camp rumours that there was some kind of romance going on between her and Wick, and I retained this information to investigate when I had the opportunity to catch Raven alone. I glanced to my side to notice one of the kitchen staffers crossing the courtyard. "Hold that thought Knox, I'll be right back." I chirped as I rushed over to meet them and arranged to assist with preparing meals later on. Once she left, I turned to find Bellamy standing silently beside me and jolted so hard that I actually felt my soul leave my body for a moment.
"Jesus, don't do that!" I gasped as I held a hand to my chest and he shook his head as he smiled in amusement. "Seriously, it's creepy! Couldn't you...I don't know, stomp your feet or make a noise or something when you approach to give me a warning? You're so damn stealthy." I blurted and he couldn't contain a snort of laughter at my comments.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He chuckled as he placed his hands in his pockets in a relaxed posture. "Good workout?" He asked with a hint of a smirk and I pursed my lips at him before breaking into a playful smile.
"Oh yeah, I beat the crap out of both of them." I joked as I mimicked some speedy punches and he smiled warmly at my childish display. It didn't last long as I quickly realised that I didn't have enough energy remaining and sighed in exhaustion.
"Easy Xena, you'll put me out of a job soon. We won't need guards at this rate." He teased with a bemused expression and I found my mouth dropping open in surprise.
"See, this is why I keep you around! You get my dorky references." I crooned with an overly enthusiastic tone and he rolled his eyes in disappointment. He glanced over my shoulder for a split second and his smile faded as he focused on something. I peeked in the direction that he was staring and easily calculated that it was Knox's awkwardly waiting form that he was watching. Bellamy returned his attention to me and the playful glitter had faded from his eyes as he tried to force a casual tone.
"So, that's Knox, huh?" He enquired and although he strained to mask the tension in his voice, it was still crystal clear to me. I had to wonder if he had been investigating in camp to acquire a description of him, or whether he simply assumed since Knox was the only unfamiliar face that I had spoken to.
"Yes, that's Knox." I stated matter of factly and determinedly declined to add any further comment. If he wanted to know something in particular, he was going to have to ask.
"He seemed interested in you. What did he want?" Bellamy quizzed as the tension between the two of us only grew with every word and I cocked a brow at him in confusion.
"He didn't want anything, we just chatted. He's not used to seeing me relax so I think he was confused." I explained with an amused tone to clarify that this was an insignificant conversation but this only seemed to rile Bellamy further. I witnessed his gaze drift back over my shoulder and when he next viewed me, he shuffled on the spot with a certain stressed energy about him.
"I don't like him chatting to you. He's practically hanging off you, it's weird." He stated firmly and I felt my brows shoot up in surprise. Knox had been consistently friendly since the moment we met and I could tell that he simply looked up to the entire group that had survived here before they arrived. I suspected he probably admired Bellamy as a leader more than the others, if he would only take the time to notice.
"What are you even talking about?" I breathed as I viewed him with disbelief and I caught his stern face as he returned his gaze to Knox. The intensity of his stare would make even the toughest of our camp members bolt and I could see poor Knox squirming out of the corner of my eye. "Stop glaring at him." I hissed but his scowl remained focused as if I hadn't even spoken.
"I'm not." He stated in a distracted tone without even attempting to cover his blatant ignorance and I crossed my arms in annoyance.
"Bellamy!" I growled and the sharpness of my tone finally seemed to pull him from his intimidation mission. I gave him an unimpressed gesture and he shifted awkwardly as he met my eyes. I scanned between him and Knox, and my mind finally pieced together the information that I was presented. I could hardly believe what I was about to ask, but I couldn't theorise any other logical explanation for his bizarre behaviour. "Are you jealous?" I interrogated and his eyes widened at my accusation.
"What?" He breathed and I held my expectant gaze as I awaited an answer. "No!" He spat defensively and fidgeted nervously on the spot in an effort to conceal his aggravation. I felt a lurch in my gut at his reaction and kicked myself for not realising what I was dealing with sooner. Bellamy always seemed so full of confidence that I had never imagined he would be jealous. A memory stirred in the back of my mind of his reaction when I tended to Murphy in the dropship after his torture and I realised that it was absolutely a weakness of his. "What do I have to be jealous of? He's just a kid." He scoffed and I struggled to contain a laugh, until I caught him sneaking a brief glare at Knox again.
"Exactly, he's just a kid. So why are you giving him the death stare?" I investigated and he turned back to me as if he hadn't done anything. I couldn't think how I was going to deal with this situation if he wouldn't even admit to his part in it and I pitied Knox for drawing the ire of someone so intimidating for no good reason. I thought Bellamy understood how impossible it was for anyone to lure me away from him and considered voicing these reassurances, but I was still too nervous to put my feelings into words in case it scared him off.
"I just don't trust him, he wasn't part of our camp." He excused and I rolled my eyes at his blatant omission of the truth. I knew that the fact that Knox wasn't here before was likely the foundation of the issue, but I suspected that it was specifically because he hadn't witnessed the development of the bond between Bellamy and I. Everyone from our old camp knew that I was off limits, without him having to label us as anything. I calculated that Bellamy was uncomfortable with the fact that I hadn't been marked as unavailable to this particular male. Whilst lost in thought, I didn't notice Bellamy stepping closer until he carefully brushed my hair behind my ear with a flirtatious expression.
"Did I mention that you look pretty today?" He drawled and I couldn't contain a snort of laughter at his new tactic.
"Don't change the topic." I warned with a blatant lilt of amusement. He brought his hands to rest on my hips as he closed into my space and bit his lip in a way that he knew drove me wild. I willed myself not to be distracted by his sly methods and held my ground for as long as I could.
"I'm not. I just can't help being distracted by you." He crooned as he leaned in to place a lingering kiss on my cheek and I fixed him with a suspicious look when he met my eyes again.
"I know what you're doing Bel." I groaned as I caught him glancing over to check that Knox was watching and I sighed in exasperation at his ridiculous, testosterone fuelled competition.
"Ditch work. I have a couple hours free." He whispered, before busying himself with trailing kisses from my cheek down my neck and I struggled to concentrate despite my best efforts as he pulled me flush to him. I glanced over at Knox who was awkwardly trying to figure out what to do with himself as he tried to act as if he hadn't seen anything and knew that Bellamy had already accomplished his goal. At this point, convincing me into bed was just an additional prize and he was doing frustratingly well at earning it. He straightened up to meet my eyes with a keen smile and although I battled to retain my stern expression, I could feel that it didn't reach my eyes.
"I thought you didn't like rules, Love." He teased as he gradually tilted his head to press his lips to mine and I felt my eyes involuntarily drift closed. It was impossible to reason with him when he resorted to these kinds of tactics and underneath the swirling attraction of my body, I was fuming with myself for giving in to him. I felt myself resting on his chest and as he wound his fingers into my hair, I knew that I had already lost the battle. As we parted for air, I glazed up at him with an arousal obvious in my eyes and he smiled smugly in return.
"You're a terrible influence." I stated in a breathy voice as he led me inside the Ark in a victorious strut.
- O - O - O - O - O -
The following day Bellamy was gone before I woke again. I couldn't deny the feeling that he was avoiding discussing his behaviour and my mind obsessed over my recent actions constantly for any error on my part. As a result of my lack of focus, Octavia hammered me with attacks during our session and she eventually ended it early out of frustration. I found myself wandering camp aimlessly as I was completely lost in thought and felt too awkward at the idea of seeing Knox to volunteer for a shift in mechanical.
Instead, I sought out a quiet spot on camp to reflect where I hoped that I wouldn't be easily found. Despite all of my internal analysis, I couldn't think of any interactions between Knox and I that could be interpreted as inappropriate and was therefore stuck at the same dead end as before on what I could do to fix this issue with Bellamy. There was a set of footsteps that I was vaguely aware of in my vicinity but I paid it little attention until they approached me and someone cleared their throat as they dropped into a seat opposite.
"You look like you have a lot on your mind." I glanced up to find Harper examining me with a fond expression and was immediately relieved.
"Pretty sure that's just my default expression. I honestly can't remember a time where I didn't have much to think about." I stated with an amused smile and she shrugged in response. "Sorry I haven't checked in with you since we got back. How are you managing?" I enquired with a genuine interest as I leaned forward to examine her. Although our conversations had been limited, Harper had always been kind to me, especially in our time in captivity and it left an enduring fondness for her.
"It's okay, we've all had a lot on our plates, especially with reunions." She sighed before fixing me with a knowing look that wasn't filled with mischief or teasing like Octavia or Raven, but simply appreciation for my happiness. "It's an adjustment, being outside again and with our own people. It's different to before and there's something bizarre about living back inside the Ark of all things. I think it'll take some time to get used to for all of us." She explained thoughtfully and I hummed in agreement. It was a comfort to discover that I wasn't the only person here who found this transition challenging and I found that she quickly minimised the anxiety that I was feeling with just her calm company. "I'm glad to have other people around who understand what we went through in there, it makes it easier to deal with the after effects and nightmares." She muttered as my brows furrowed in concern.
"You're having them too, huh?" I revealed and her face contorted into a mixture of pity and relief. "Everything heals with time, right?" I added with a supportive smile. "If you ever need to talk about it, I've always got time for you Harp. You were there for me at my worst, I want you to know that I'm grateful and I won't ever forget it." I divulged as I fidgeted awkwardly on the spot and she smiled thankfully. It was difficult for me to discuss my feelings with new people and although I felt it was important to say, I still felt uncomfortable.
"Thanks. I know I'll get there eventually, it's just a process. Monty had been a godsend." She commented idly and I felt the corners of my lips twitch up toward a smile as she peaked my interest.
"Monty, huh?" I repeated with a forced casual tone and as she avoided meeting my eyes, she cleared her throat uncomfortably. "Yeah, he's a great guy, easily the most dependable person I've met. He's also kind and wise, and probably the best person you could lean on for support right now. He'll steer you right, he always has me." I detailed honestly and when she next met my eyes, I could tell that she already knew all of these things.
"You know, if I didn't already know about you and Bellamy, I'd think you had a thing for Monty." She remarked in a way that tried to sound careless, but I knew these kinds of false offhand comments too well to be fooled. I'd used this method many times before when denying my feelings for Bellamy and I was inwardly thrilled to find her speaking of Monty in such a way. I scoffed at her words as genuine laughter escaped me at this idea.
"Monty is like my little brother, Harp. Jasper too. I absolutely treasure them, but from day one there has never been a question of anything else between us." I informed her with an overwhelming delight and it was obvious that she was pleased to hear this. "And if it weren't for Monty's tendency to gossip like a teenage girl, you wouldn't know about my lovelife either." I added with a quirked brow and she snorted in disbelief.
"Right, cause that's a total secret." She drawled and I shook my head at her with entertainment. I didn't mind Harper's comments as I knew that they were harmless and tried not to allow her words to take root in my mind. "So, Monty's not involved with you?" She specified and I knew immediately from my own experiences exactly what she truly meant to ask.
"Monty's not involved with anyone and yes, I'm sure because that boy can't keep a secret to save his life." I chuckled and she quickly relaxed at my confirmation. "And as far as I'm aware, if you were to express an interest, it would be well received." I crooned with a playful wink and her cheeks rapidly flushed.
"I didn't - I wasn't - I mean-" She rapidly stuttered as she waved her hands in panic and I smiled smugly at her. I considered taunting the admission from her as my other girlfriends had so often done to me, but as I was in her shoes not so long ago, I decided to cut her some slack.
"Hmm, of course." I commented finally as I decided not to pursue the topic any further. The seed had been sewn in her mind, now I just had to be patient and allow it to grow. She cleared her throat and seemed to be struggling to think of something else to discuss. My unique understanding of her situation would not allow me to leave her to flounder any longer and so I offered a new line of conversation for her to escape through. "How are you finding guard duty? I didn't expect you to be so quick to throw yourself back into the fire." I enquired with genuine interest and she shrugged casually.
"Why not? I was trained in the original group at our old camp; it felt like a waste to not use those skills again." She explained and I nodded in understanding. I had already forgotten that she was originally part of Bellamy's militia and found myself hoping that her new post would help to rebuild her confidence following the especially exaggerated trauma that she had from her experiences in Mount Weather. "It's going well, obviously the first patrol didn't exactly go to plan, but since when does anything on Earth." She commented and I sniggered at her point. I couldn't think of a single plan that had gone ahead without issue since we arrived. "It's nice to have a purpose, I think that's why most of us joined. There's a few people who weren't at the original camp who are there for not so great reasons, but maybe the experience will help to toughen them up." She stated with a maturity that demonstrated the hardships she had survived and I tilted my head at her quizzically.
"How do you mean?" I questioned and she shuffled awkwardly as if she had said something that she didn't mean to.
"Well, prime example. There's this girl called Mel, she's the sole survivor from factory station. She volunteered for a guard post and she's done the training, but it just feels totally hollow. I'm pretty sure she only joined because Bellamy is teaching and she seems more like she's checking him out than actually paying attention to what he's saying. She was gushing to some of the others about how he saved her from a cliffside when we were in Mount Weather and how she thinks he's so selfless and dedicated. I'm just getting sick of watching her flirt with him when she should be concentrating on staying alive. Then there's Ray, who's only focus is on killing anything that threatens us because she's terrified and Max who's just there to show off." She ranted in a way that I'd never seen her speak before and it was clear that she needed to get these thoughts off her mind. I listened quietly and tried not to be aggravated by her description of this girl's behaviour around Bellamy.
"I don't know, I don't want to sound jaded but it's just kinda frustrating having them there. I know it's not their fault but they're so unaware. It feels like they're at the point we were when we first landed and we already went through those growing pains to become smarter. We constantly have to watch out for them so they don't get themselves killed and I just don't have the patience to babysit a bunch of kids who aren't taking this seriously. Does that make me a bad person?" She slowed as she came to this question and met my eyes with a regretful vulnerability.
"No, it just makes you human." I breathed with an understanding smile. "It's okay to feel frustrated, like you said, we already did this. We just have to try to be patient with them and give them a chance to grow. Hopefully they won't have it as hard as we did." I advised as I thought back to Knox's conversation about the change in Monty and Jasper. It was only natural for our two groups to be at odds at the moment, we were vastly different and our life experiences had shaped us to be cold and distrusting. I hoped that with time we might be able to learn from each other and meet somewhere in the middle. As I reflected on this, Harper sighed in relief as if a weight had been lifted from her and observed me closely.
"You don't have to worry about Mel, I'm honestly sorry that I even brought her up." She stated sheepishly and my eyes shot up to meet hers in surprise. "When Bellamy was out on that patrol, it was obvious that all he could think about was getting safely back to you." She revealed and I found myself smiling despite my best efforts to conceal my emotions. "I'm glad to see you together, you balance each other out well, you know. He has brought back the personality in you and you bring out the best in him." She added thoughtfully and I chuckled lightly at her analysis. "You're a cute couple." She teased with a wink and I rolled my eyes at her.
"We're not a couple. And Bellamy can flirt with whoever he wants." I stated adamantly as I crossed my arms and she stared back at me with disbelief.
"Whatever you say." She crooned and I knew that she was exacting vengeance for my earlier taunting. "Well, I'll keep you updated on the Mel situation, just in case you decide you care." She winked and I rolled my eyes at her.