"Arthur was right, of course, they were waiting for us outside. But you know how lucky we are. We easily managed to run. Charles brought Eagle Flies at the reservation and we came back here. That's all" I say.

"Quite a thing" replies Sadie throwing the knife again.

This morning there wasn't much work to do at the camp, so we found a quiet place a little out in the woods to talk.

I'm seated on a rock polishing my gun, while she's throwing her knife to the tree in front of us. She told me about what happened in Saint Denis, how Colm O'Driscoll was executed, and I told her about how we rescued Eagle Flies.

"You know the reverend left, don't you?" I ask after a little.

I don't know why it came to my mind.

I was thinking about that night when we came back here after rescuing the Chief's son, tired and soaked. Everybody was asleep but the reverend, seated next to the fire, to which we approached looking for some relief from the clothes drenched by the rain. He was oddly awake and sober.

"Yes, I know. And I think Pearson is going to leave soon" she replies.

It seems everybody is leaving now, I think with a sigh. I know it's better this way, they are just doing what they have to to save their lives, but it also saddens me that everything is ending like this.

"You still have work to do?" Sadie asks me out of nowhere.

"Why?"

"I know where the rest of the O'Driscolls are holed up. I want to end things"

I raise my eyes from my gun to look at her.

I can't believe her sometimes.

"Sadie… Colm is dead. What's left of his gang won't last much without him" I say in exasperation.

She gets near the tree to take the knife from it. Then, she turns to look at me right in the eyes.

"I still haven't found the bastard who killed my husband" she says with a murmur barely audible from where I'm seated.

Maybe it's because of her eyes, the regret they express; maybe it's because of her voice: sorrowful and angry; maybe it's because I have already gone through all this, but I can perfectly understand her. She won't find peace until she kills the man who brought everything away from her. Besides, I had got the chance to get my revenge, why shouldn't she get that chance too?

With my eyes fixed in hers, I nod slowly.

Some footsteps distract us.

"Arthur, I wanted to speak with you" says Sadie to the man who's approaching us.

"Just a moment. I've got something for you" he adds to me.

"What?" I ask curious, standing up.

He makes me sign with his hand to follow him and I do as he asks.

While we walk, exiting the woods and going towards the horses, I immediately notice the new big ivory white horse next to his.

"This is Buell" Arthur says pointing it to me.

"A… friend of mine entrusted me for taking care of him. And I know for sure you'll do a good work" he adds looking back at me.

"A-Arthur, I-I…"

The words tremble on my lips as my eyes meet his.

He thought about me, with all the people in the camp, he thought to give me this horse, because he knows I don't have one anymore. And maybe taking care of a new one can help me get over Isabella.

I feel so thankful right now, but I don't know how to let him know.

"I-I don't know what to say, just… thank you. You don't know how much this means to me" I add with a smile.

He smiles in turn and nods a couple of times.

"Well, I'll go see what Mrs. Adler wants" he says then walking away.

I take my time to study my new horse.

His mantle is well kept, his horseshoes are in good condition, his eyes are clear and lively.

"Your previous owner took good care of you, didn't he?" I say to him.

I remove the saddle from him to put mine, then I take the brush and clean him a little. There's no much need to do it, but this way he'll start to now me and recognize my touch.

"We're going. It'll take us a couple of days" says Sadie walking past me with her horse.

I turn around and see she is followed by Arthur.

"What? Where?" I ask.

"To finish off the O'Driscolls" she replies.

"Now?"

"No better time than the present" she answers turning her back at me.

"You don't need my help?" I yell at them.

"Me and Arthur will be enough."

I know you will, I think shaking my head.

When I'm done with Buell, I take a walk around camp.

As always, Dutch and Micah are talking together in front of Dutch's tent. Micah's friends are seated around the campfire with Bill and Javier. Uncle has dozed off next to Abigail and Tilly, both taking care of Jack.

I keep moving my eyes among them looking for Charles and I spot him behind one of the wagons, bended over with something in his hand.

What is he doing? I ask myself while I start walking in his direction.

As I get closer I understand: he's fixing the wagon wheel.

"Do you ever rest?" I joke leaning my shoulder on the wagon and crossing my arms on my chest.

"Yes, when I sleep" he jokes back lifting to look at me.

"Seriously, you should take some time for yourself" I reply getting closer and taking the hammer from his hands.

"For what?"

"I don't know. To do something you like."

He lifts a hand to move my hair from my face.

His eyes have a strange light, but I think I know what that means. It's not the first time he looks at me like this.

"Do something I like. Like… you?" he murmurs and a smirk widens on his lips.

It takes me a moment to understand what he means.

I open my mouth in shock and widen my eyes while I take a step backwards and slap the hand he still has on my face.

"How. You. Dare" I say with fake indignation.

He takes me from my shoulders and pushes me against the wagon. My grip around the hammer gets feeble and I let it fall on the ground when his lips clash against mines. My heart starts beating fast as I grab his hips with both my hands and pull him towards me, making him lay on me.

I want him. Now. I don't care how many people there are around us.

"What's wrong with all of you? Huh?"

Javier's voice interrupts us, forcing me to part from Charles.

"Come on, come on, what's wrong?" the Mexican asks again.

Good Lord there's not a single moment of peace in this camp, I think sighing and looking at Charles with disappointment.

Javier is a little away from us, talking to Uncle, Abigail and Tilly.

"What do you mean what's wrong?" asks him Uncle.

"Were is your trust? Huh? Where is your faith?"

Charles and I keep staring at him, but we remain in the same position, still hugged together.
"I've got a son, Mr. Escuella. I want him to live" exclaims Abigail standing up to face him.
"It's by staying together that we live" he replies before leaving them.

But he doesn't walk away, instead he comes in our direction.

As he notices him, Charles lets me go.

Javier walks right to us and, after a quick glance at me, he addresses to Charles.

"What's your problem brother?"

"No problem" Charles replies shaking his head.

"No, you've got a problem! Look at how you're acting" Javier says pointing his index to him.

All my muscles tense up and I move my eyes from him to Charles next to me, who now crosses his arms on his chest.

I don't understand, how is he acting? To me Charles is perfectly normal, maybe the only one who didn't change his attitude at all.

"I don't have a problem. Do you have a problem?" he replies.

"I don't know yet. But use your brain friend. Use your brain" says Javier glancing at me with accusatory eyes.

What is he insinuating now? That Charles isn't able to think by himself? That I use some kind of power on him to make him do what I want?

"I'll use my brain, and you use yours" Charles replies.

Whoah! Good comeback, honey.

"Still with that story, huh? What did she tell you? That I have a weak mind? That we've all been poisoned by Micah?" Javier asks nodding to me.

Charles takes a step towards him, but I put a hand on his arm to stop him.

Under my touch, I feel his body is tensed and trembling with rage.

"Let's go" I say pulling him.

"I know you've been doing stuff behind Dutch's back. You and that other traitor" adds Javier.

I know he's talking about Arthur.

"Thank God he's dying. So he won't be a problem for long."

Something happens inside me, something breaks, something clicks.

I cover the distance between him and I in a couple of wide steps and raise my hand hitting his face with all the strength I have.

Javier stumbles backwards touching where I slapped him and looking at me with deadly eyes.

In other circumstances I would be scared, but now… now…

"Don't you dare" I whisper among my teeth.

I wait for him to reply, to try to hurt me, to give me any excuse to hit him again. But he doesn't. He moves his eyes from me to Charles and then he simply walks away.

This morning Jack asked me to play with him.

The tension in the camp is already too much for the adults to bear, I wonder how it must be for a poor kid.

I had to find something special for him this time. Apparently, Cain the dog has disappeared, so now we can't play with him anymore.

Since Jack is very attracted by wooden sticks and flowers, we gathered some and I tried to find the most creating way to put some kind of dolls together. We made a knight and a princess - at least I told him so, but to actually see the knight and the princess you need a lot of imagination - and thanks to the little horse I've given to him some time ago, we've been able to make up a story.

"Miss Faraday, would you come with me, please? I need your help" calls me Miss Grimshaw.

I leave Jack and follow the woman who puts two empty buckets in my hands and asks me to go take some water at the stream right next to the camp.

I slowly walk the distance and reach the river. It's really close to the camp, but also hidden at the sight because of the downhill ground.

The water looks fresh and clear so I decide to remove my boots and fold my trousers to dip into the stream.

The water reaches my calfs tickling my skin as I fill one of the buckets.

Then, I turn around, stumbling a little on the tiny rocks that form the river bed, and take a few steps towards the shore to leave it on the ground, but a figure appears from nowhere and makes me jump.

"Javier" I murmur looking at him standing there with his hands on his hips.

He stares back.

"Need help?" he asks, but his voice makes me understand he's not here to help me.

Did he follow me? What does he want? I ask myself with some anxiety.

I walk out of the water balancing the filled bucket in my hands and stop to face him.

After what he said yesterday, after how he is acting in these days, I can't be kind nor polite with him, even if I tried.

"No" I reply with the rudest tone I can use.

His eyes, the way he's looking at me, they're scary, and even if I'm trying to play brave right now, I can't stand his gaze for much.

I take a step as to go away when he grabs both my arms to stop me. The bucket falls from my hands and clashes on the shore.

"If it wasn't for Charles yesterday, I would have taught you a lesson" he murmurs.

"So you would hit a girl, but when it comes you have to face a man you hide your tail and run away. You're a coward!" I spit out trying to free myself from his grip.

"I know my limits. It seems you don't."

As he says this a little smile curves his lips and he grabs my neck with both his hands pulling me to him.

Understanding his intentions, I push him back and take a step backwards, but I stumble on the bucket and fall on the pebbly ground.

He wastes no time.

I just have the possibility to complain for the pain on my back that he throws himself on me covering my mouth with one hand and with the other touching my breasts.

I grab both his wrists trying to move his arms away.

"You don't know what you're missing. I would love you in a way he will never do" he murmurs a couple of inches from my face.

I keep staring at him waiting for his next move.

What now? He wants to rape me? And then what? Go back to camp like nothing happened? He knows he can't do that, Charles would kill him. So if he really has this intention, after he's done what he wants, he must kill me.

While I keep thinking about the worst scenery, he slowly removes his hand from my mouth.

I breathe heavily and ask myself if this is a good moment to scream for help.

"Think about it" he whispers before pressing his lips against mine.

He moves so unexpectedly that I'm unable to do anything but stay there where I am and let him do it, as I keep staring at his face.

Then, he stands up, dusts off his clothes and walks away.

I follow him with my eyes and when he's finally out of my sight I take a deep breath and lean my head on the ground.

I expected worst, I definitely did, but, after all, it seems that even someone like Javier knows when to stop.

I just wonder what was he thinking. He knows I will tell Charles about what has happened, and that Charles will surely face him, and that he has no chance against him.

Unless…

What if he wants me to tell Charles and create a situation? Put one against the other, have some kind of excuse to make Dutch send us away, or worst kill us for betrayal.

Oh God…

I can't tell Charles. Not for now at least. After all, a kiss is not a big deal.

I walk back to camp with my head full of thoughts and my heart heavy with concern.

I leave the buckets full of water to Miss Grimshaw and then I go help Mr. Pearson with the stew, all with my gaze fixed on the ground, fearing to meet the eyes of somebody who could understand something's wrong.

When I reach the kitchen and find Pearson there, I can't help but sensing he's a little down as well.

"Are you okay Mr. Pearson?" I ask.

"No… but don't mind me. It's just… all this goddamn mess we're in, it worries me… more that I can tell" he answers with his eyes low.

I stare at him as tenderness and understanding raise in me.

I know how he feels, I feel it everyday, too, but maybe for him it is harder. They've been together for years, they were like family. It must be terrible.

It is terrible and you know it, I say to myself.

Reaching out a hand, I take his arm and squeeze it a little, making eye contact with him.

"We'll be fine" I whisper.

"No, we won't. If Pinkertons don't kill us, we're going to kill each other."

His realism strikes me, but he is right. I would like to tell him something and try cheer him up a little, but we get interrupted.

"Fred."

I turn around to look at Mary Beth coming close to me.

"Fred we… we're leaving" she whispers staring at me with sadness.

"Now?" I ask bewildered watching at the camp around us.

"Tonight. Me and Karen… and Uncle will come with us."

"What about Tilly?" I ask concerned.

"She wants to stay. For Abigail and Miss Grimshaw."

"Okay…"

I look at her in the eyes not sure of what to say or what to do.

I agree with her, it's a good time to leave, it is necessary, and I'm relieved she has finally decided to do that. But at the same time…

I take her shoulders and pull her close to me.

"Good luck" I murmur holding her tight for a brief moment before letting her go.

"I hope to see you again" she replies with watery eyes.

"You will. Charles and I… we'll come visit" I say with a smile.

As she goes away, I go back to work and start chopping the vegetables.

I just hope all the best to her and Karen, I hope they'll start living a good life, the life both of them deserve. And Uncle… to be honest, I don't know what I hope for Uncle.

Little time passes before Charles comes closer and distracts me again from my work.

"I took your advice" he says out of nowhere.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"You told me. Do something I like. Come, let's go" he replies walking away.

"What? Wait!"

I turn to look at Mr. Pearson who nods to me understandingly, and then I follow him.

"Where are we going?" I ask keeping his pace.

As we walk I notice he has a big envelope under his arm.

"What's that?" I add pointing at it.

"You'll see" he says smiling to me.

"You know, I don't like when people play mysterious."

"You'll like this. And you have to ride your new horse. He must start to know you."

He's right on this, I think as I smile and nod to him.

We mount on our horses and then I follow him on the path.

I have no idea where he's taking me, but I trust him, completely and profoundly.

We ride for some time, getting out of New Hannover and reaching Ambarino.

Buell is very different from Isabella. She knew me and I didn't have to do much for her to follow my instructions: a little twist of my wrist, a slight movement of my foot and she would have immediately understood what to do. Buell doesn't know all of these things of course, so I guess it will take us a little before being in complete synchrony. Besides, he's as stubborn as a mule and sometimes it happens he doesn't follow one of my orders straight away.

Charles leads me West, climbing the mountains and stopping when we find a wood. Slowly, we walk among the trees until he stops completely and dismounts.

"We leave the horses here. Come with me" he says taking the envelope from his saddle.

Without stopping to ask myself what his intentions are, I quietly follow him until we reach the other side of the wood. Here, there's a ridge that opens to the distant landscape and to the setting sun.

"Oh my…" I whisper looking at the distant fields as my lips open in a smile.

Then, I turn to look at Charles, who's staring at me.

"H-how did you find this place?" I ask.

"You know I like to come scouting around here" he answers shrugging.

"It's amazing" I say looking again in the distance.

"I hoped you liked it" he replies getting close to me and throwing the envelope on the ground.

"There are some blankets here. Take some wood and start a fire, I'm going to fetch something for dinner" he adds.

"So this is your plan? Spend a night out of camp?" I ask not fully understanding him.

"No. My plan is spending some time in a place I love, doing something I love, with the girl I love."

I can't help myself but smiling and biting my lower lip as I stare at him right in the eyes.

"I love it" I say in the end.

By the time I light the little camp fire, he's already back with a rabbit and the sun has almost disappeared.

He skins and cleans the animal and we put it on the fire. Then, I take the blankets and put them on the ground.

This place is perfect: the forest at our backs give us all the privacy we need and the view from the ridge is one of the most beautiful I've ever seen.

Looking around at the dark landscape, I spot the moon right above us and stop a second to look at it, when I feel two arms around my waist.

I smile and turn around to look at him in the eyes and I reach out a hand to caress his cheek.

"Charles…" I murmur.

"What?" he asks.

"I…"

I love you. I feel for you something I've never felt for anyone else. I want to spend with you my whole life and take care of you.

"I…"

I love you, in every single way. Physically, mentally, spiritually. I feel like I'm meant to be with you and only you in the whole world.

"I… never mind" I say in the end lowering my eyes.

"Is everything okay?" he asks with a little concern.

Suddenly, something comes up to my mind.

Should I tell him what happened with Javier? Now it would be a good time. We're away from camp and he can't do anything impulsive that could put him in danger. But… I don't want to ruin this beautiful moment.

No, I won't tell him now.

"Yes, yes don't worry. I just…" I say looking at him again.

"I love you" I whisper in the end.

A smile widens on his lips as he takes my face between his hands.

When our mouths meet, the most wonderful feeling rises in me. He always has the power to make me feel amazing every time he touches me.

I reach his back with my hands and clutch to his shirt, pulling him closer to me, and making him understand how much I want him.

I stop the kiss and take his hand leading him back to the fire.

"Down" I command pushing him on one of the blankets.

When he sits, I get on my knees and straddle him.

We kiss again while I start unbuttoning his red shirt. He moves his hands on my thighs squeezing a little with eagerness.

As an impulse takes me, I strongly push him on the ground.

"Whoah!" he exclaims with surprise.

I laugh and slowly lean forward, aiming for his chest and leaving a trail of light kisses on it as I go down.

I've almost reached the lower part of his belly when he grabs my arms and makes me sit up again.

"Shouldn't we eat first?" he asks.

I turn my head to look at the rabbit on the fire.

"It can wait" I reply looking back at him.

Soooo

I don't believe Javier would do something like that, not the Javier we all know, maybe the one at the end, the one who "changed", but I made him do it because I need it. You'll see ;)

I've never spent much time in Beaver Hollow because I don't like the atmosphere there, too much sadness. The one that saddens me the most is Mr. Pearson. Poor, sweet Pearson, when he sings those songs. He's one of my favorites.

Anyway, I'll go cry in a corner.

See you soon.