Sex, Drugs, and Oblivian

15/21

Being underground in the nest conjured memories of the binding cord and the cold and dark and hunger of the dungeon. Without Maze in the sleeping quarters—even with the lantern lit—the walls pressed in on him.

The need to forget clawed at his mind. He needed more lethe. Trying to force his memories, the effort to remember, competed with the yearning for the comfort of forgetting. The certainty Maze would return each wind-rise helped him hold on. Dromos supplied sleeping draughts offering brief escape, but it never lasted long.

Restless energy and cravings overwhelmed him and drove him into the halls each ashfall. The constant wailing and screeching of the spawn and sprogs grated on his nerves, but it drowned out the turmoil in his head.

Lucifer stood, relaxing against the wall, and watched the spawn at play. They rushed and wrestled their nest minder to the ground and crawled all over him like feasting carnivores. The nest-minder stood up, howling, and sent the little scamps screeching in all directions. And then the cycle started all over again.

They were vicious little creatures, interesting to observe, as likely to draw blood as they were to lick each other's wounds. The nest-minders played along, but didn't intervene in the skirmishes between them, choosing instead to sit back and let the little monsters figure things out on their own.

The little creatures fought, and threw stones, played strange games in groups against each other, always with a good dose of conflict mixed in. Aside from a few side pranks, Lucifer couldn't remember a time when he'd been free to play with his siblings like that. He and his siblings had always been tightly controlled, there were commandments to obey, praises to be sung.

He watched one in particular. The small male with a bone-like chin and little swirly horns on his head. The leader of the food attack earlier. He was an energetic little monster. The others seemed to rally around him as he squealed out orders in his high-pitched voice and directed them where to go, how they should fight.

Lucifer contemplated the things Dromos told him. About these small creatures growing into bigger ones; that all Lilim went through a similarly inscrutable process.

It was such a waste of time and energy. Entertaining as they were, these creatures needed special care and feeding, they didn't know anything, they were disgustingly sticky and loud. For once, he appreciated his father's efficiency for making him and his siblings fully functional beings from the start.

"Lucifer?"

He stood quickly, surprised to see Izuden in this place. "What are you doing here?" They asked in unison.

He brushed his hand over his tunic, how could he answer without—

Izuden placed a hand on his shoulder. "Did Mazikeen bring you here? I heard about what transpired with the Soverain. This is a good thing, Lucifer, I always knew you would thrive with proper nest care. Why don't you interact with the spawn, I'm sure if you attempted—"

"I'm not here as one of the spawns," he corrected her, but she already wasn't listening. Her golden colored eyes were fixed on the spawn racing around in circles. One spawn in particular. The one with the pointy swirly horns. Very much like a small version of the horns growing from her own head, even matching the unusual mauve and gold coloring.

"You're a dame," he worked out slowly, it had never occurred to him to wonder what was special about Izuden other than the color of her eyes. "Have you made one of these things yet?"

She turned and blinked. "Made? Oh, birthed. Yes. One. So far. I will birth many more."

"That little one is cunning. Dromos told me if only he had fewer interesting features, he may have had a chance of being a great leader."

Izuden's expression turned fierce. "That spawn was formed with the most favored male warrior of Soverain Melipath's collective. He will be a great warrior just like his sire."

"Varun?" Lucifer asked, remembering the boney chin of the male who had accompanied Maze on their journey to Anilith's Collective. "You did a lot of coupling with Varun on the journey, didn't you?"

"We made a fertile match," Izuden agreed proudly.

The little spawn had both Izuden and Varun's features. Lucifer stared. "Does it take much coupling to form one of these?"

"Just once if its done right."

He wondered what the 'right' procedure was and if there were ways to avoid it. He scanned the rest of the spawn of the chamber, noting their mixtures of features. There were none so strongly marked as the little horned one. But the other spawn didn't seem as aware of the problems that arose with that as adult Lilim were.

Lucifer looked back at Izuden, her golden eyes fixed on his own, and he felt a tightening in his gut. Golden eyes shining in the darkness, in the shadow. He felt the surge of need well up in him at the thought. The memory of the powder, the taste, the darkness…

"Lucifer?" Someone touched his arm and he flinched away.

He could fight this. Breathe through it. He clenched his fist against the sudden shivers coursing through him.

Izuden's gold eyes shown through the haze, and the room spun around him as the floor tilted and he stumbled to the side, falling on his hip.

"Oh, oh no," he heard Izuden say as though she were far away, "Dromos!"

A chill spread over him, sudden and deep as though his bones had turned to ice. The shadow. The shadow was upon him and he couldn't move and he couldn't breathe.

On the edge of his awareness he felt someone else near, large hands gripping his arms, holding on, a deep voice speaking in words he couldn't comprehend. The spell he was under faded in degrees, first came physical awareness that he was on the floor, not restrained, then mental, and the confusion that came with it. Where was he? Exactly where he'd been before. It was disorienting because he knew time had passed, but he didn't know how much, and he couldn't remember anything past the sudden desire and need for the lethe. Dromos knelt at his side, his face hovering close to his. "Back with us, angel?"

"I left?" Lucifer said. Shivers continued to wreak havoc on his coordination. Dromos helped him sit up. He was in the same room as earlier, but the spawn had been removed. Izuden chewed at one of her clawed fingernails, staring at him with her golden eyes. Eyes very much like the faint colour he'd seen staring at him from the shadow-Lilim.

Her eyes. The shadow-Lilim's eyes… his heart pounded. The desire for more of the lethe clawed within and he pushed it down. Izuden crouched beside him, her golden eyes—he grasped her wrist.

"Was it you?" He asked.

He didn't want it to be her. Not Izuden. The betrayal stabbed deep. After everything they'd been through, he trusted her.

Izuden yelped and tried to pull away, but he held tight and released his wings, reaching for the divinity within. Dromos stepped forward to intervene, but Lucifer flared his wings forward, threatening.

"You will not interfere," he commanded, the divinity coursing through him infused his voice, and Dromos took an involuntary step back.

Izuden cowered in his grasp, trying to look away, but Lucifer held her gaze, she couldn't break it. His feathers grew brighter as he focused, bringing light to secrets and hidden motivations. They blazed and went dark.

"It wasn't you." He released her and sat down, exhausted from the use of his divinity while already weakened. His head pounded and the ache triggered his anger. He didn't have time for the slow-thinking that came with it.

"Wasn't me what? What do you think I did?" Izuden pulled away, stepping back until she bumped into Dromos. The giant Lilim placed a protective hand on her shoulder and guided her behind him.

"The shadow-Lilim, she had power. She used it on me, and she had golden eyes. But it wasn't you,"

"My eyes? But—" Izuden started and Dromos took over. "All the dames have eyes of gold."

"Dames, the females of the Spire?" Lucifer asked, and thinking back, what little he'd seen of the inhabitants of the Spire, it was true. "Do only dames posess golden eyes?"

"Yes, that is how we know which ones are special," Dromos answered. "Settle down, angel."

The implications of that—he got up and tried to push past, but Dromos blocked the exit with his bulk.

"I need Maze." Lucifer would fight Dromos if had to, despite his current weakness. He sized up the space between them and shifted his weight in preparation. He would try regardless.

"She's not here, angel." Dromos kept his voice slow, the way Lucifer had heard him speaking to the spawn.

He did not have the patience for this, and Maze might not have the time. He needed to find her and warn her the Spire was involved. "Maze is in danger."

"No more than she was a few flakes of ash ago."

"Where are my sandals?" he demanded. Bare feet had been welcome after waking up and while moving around the compound, but to go outside he knew well enough that he'd need hard foot coverings.

"Calm, calm. Mazikeen stated, explicitly, that I am to ensure your safety while in our care here and to not allow you to leave."

Was he a prisoner after all? That only made Lucifer all the more determined to battle his way out. She wouldn't. His hand shook as he drew his fingers through his hair. Why couldn't he focus. There were too many directions pulling on him, Maze, lethe, the shadow-Lilim with golden eyes, being trapped.

"You're upset," Dromos took a step forward, and Lucifer took a cautionary step away. The Lilim spread out his arms, palms up, non-threatening. "You need Mazikeen, and she's not here. You worry for her."

Did Dromos really understand? "Yes, she needs to be warned." Lucifer watched Dromos carefully, wary of manipulation.

"Yes, I will send Squee to find her as soon as I know what to tell him. What do we need to warn Mazikeen of?"

"The golden eyes," Lucifer nearly yelled. Were none of them listening? "The shadow who gave me lethe had golden eyes like Izuden. The Spire was in on this. Maze thinks she is looking for a lethe dealer, but she's going after the Spire and she needs to know." He focused on Izuden standing behind Dromos. "You're from the Spire. Did you know?" Lucifer started stalking toward her and Dromos extended his enormous arm to block his way.

Dromos turned to address Izuden. "Did you? It will be best for everyone if you tell us now."

"I didn't know," Izuden shook her head as she spoke, "I've only had the one sprog, not even a female. I'm no one's favorite in the Spire. No one confides in me. I swear."

Lucifer believed her.

Izuden stepped forward. "I must return. I will try and listen for news. If there is anything of value I learn, I will bring it to you," she promised.

Lucifer watched her leave. "Dromos, you must let me go find Maze, she needs me."

"Not like this, she doesn't," Dromos said bluntly.

Lucifer felt his resolve begin to erode into doubt. Dromos was correct, he caused all this. He was in no condition to be useful to Maze.

With a roar, Dromos called for Squee, and moments later the little male sprinted into the room. "Inform Mazikeen that the Spire was involved and to return to the nest as soon as possible."

Squee went running.

"See, angel, Mazikeen will be warned. Squee is the best at finding lost whelps, he can just as easily locate a daughter of Lilith. Now will you settle?"

Could he? The frozen feeling remained in his bones, his hands still shook. There was something like a buzzing noise in his head that would not stop, and he needed it to stop and he knew Lethe was the only thing that could help him.

"I need—something," he said to Dromos, almost desperately. The murky nature of his thoughts hit him again, a reminder that he wasn't okay. He wasn't in any condition to help Mazikeen.

"What do you need?" the Lilim asked, voice serene.

That was part of the problem. Lucifer didn't know the answer to that. He needed Maze to be safe. He needed lethe, but that wasn't an option. He needed to escape. Not just the nest or the collective or this realm, but from everything.

But even more, he needed to recover so he could be assist Mazikeen. He didn't want to sit aside and wait for her to solve this for him. He wanted to be involved. He wanted to find the shadow Lilim and demand answers.

He looked at Dromos. "I need to prepare for Mazikeen's return."

The big Lilim grinned. "That I can help you with," he patted Lucifer on the back. "Hot purple jellydisc gumbo will be a start. Come with me to the kitchen or would you prefer I bring it to your sleeping room?"

"Kitchen," Lucier chose. Being alone right now was not a good idea. "Purple jellydisc? Is there anything else?"

Dromos laughed. "Who has been preparing meals for you?"

"Maze prepares food, and she taught me how to prepare it for myself."

Dromos raised his eyebrows, and then laughed uproariously, almost to the point of falling over. "Mazikeen taught you to cook? Oh. No wonder you're favourite food is scalding ooze porridge. That's the only thing I've ever known Mazikeen not to bungle."

"I like her food," he said, ready to defend Maze's honor.

"I'm sure you do, but this is gumbo. If Maze's skills are all you know, you're in for a treat."

Dromos led him down a hall, through another large chamber, and into a hot furnace. "This was our mid-ash break meal." He scooped a giant spoon of a slimy chunky substance into a bowl and passed it over, then served himself a bowl as well. He motioned Lucifer out to the other room and sat on the ground.

Lucifer inspected the substance first, it wasn't anything he was familiar with. He wasn't even sure how to eat it until Dromos held his own bowl up to his mouth and tilted it up, slurping in a big mouthful. So, Lucifer did the same. The flavour took a moment to get used to, but he found himself enjoying the taste after the first few mouthfuls.

"Mazikeen is a formidable warrior, there's no need to be so concerned."

"I should be at her side." he ate as much of the meal as his attention would allow. It was impossible to settle the conflict inside. "How long will it take Squee to find Maze?"

"As long as it takes," Dromos answered unhelpfully. He collected Lucifer's bowl, seeing the rest of the food remained untouched. "Perhaps a distraction is what you need?"

"I don't need a distraction." Lucifer winced as the pounding in his head redoubled.

Dromos drummed his fingers on the table top. "You need a sleeping draught."

Lucifer shook his head. The motion set a wave of pain in motion and he gripped his head with both hands.

"Sleep. You're in pain. Maze will return soon," Dromos spoke very slowly.

The words barely made sense, but he finally parsed them and nodded. He drank the potion and lay down where he sat. Somewhere in the swirling mess in his mind, Lucifer knew he was being talked down to and hated it, but sleep pulled him under.