hi hello! i'm not sure if anyone still reads this story so if you do let me know and i'll finish it! i started rewriting this story on ao3 with a gip lexa and so far that one is farther ahead if you want to read it! :

/works/24131266/chapters/58099429

chapter 26

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Raven asked the blonde; it was the morning of Clarkes supposed trip to Arkadia and Raven wasn't sure their plan was such a good idea. The plan itself was wasn't the issue Clarke being in the Rover was.

"For the tenth time, yes. I have to do this." Clarke rolled her eyes, she understood why everyone was worried but she had no plans on anyone getting hurt.

"Fine, I'm getting in the rover with you." Raven said.

"Raven that's not necessary, Echo and Luna will be in there with me. Plus aren't you going to stay in the rover in case they use the radio?"

"Monty and Tamsin can handle it; I'm coming with you. Let's go." Raven grabbed her jacket and the two girls headed downstairs.

When they arrived Luna, Echo and Bellemy were already waiting.

"Ready?" Luna asked the blonde.

"The faster we end this the better."

"We have guards ready, as soon as they spot them, they'll be captured."

"I'm also going to trail the Rover, just in case anything goes wrong." Bellemy said. "Monty said to this radio, it's a direct line to the rover. If they hear anything suspicious, they'll let you know."

"Ok, has anyone radioed today?" Clarke asked, mainly asking if Ontari did but also wondered if Lexa tried to radio her.

"Not so far." Luna said.

"Alright, shall we?" Clarke forced a smile, this plan had to work, she needed it to work.

"Let's go." Luna lead the way to the waiting Rover.

As soon as everyone was inside the driver took off. It was a few minutes into the ride and on one had talked. There was nothing to say this plan could either end with them taking prisoners or people dying.

"Nice weather." Raven smiled, clearly trying to break the silence.

Before anyone could say anything radio crackled.

"Can you guys hear me Clearly?" Monty asked.

"Crystal, what's up?" Raven asked pressing the side button to the radio.

"They used the radio; you were right they were watching. They just confirmed you were in the rover."

"Anything else?"

"It seems like their waiting for you guys to get further out before they attack."

"Ok, make sure the guards stay out of site. I want them caught not killed, guns are a last resort." Clarke said.

"Got it." Monty replied.

"So far so good." Echo said.

"how far do you think we'll have to go out?" Raven asked.

"Probably into the next village." Clarke said.

"Clarke, I don't think that's a good idea. We might have better luck sending the guards through the woods, they have to be near." Luna suggested.

"Let's just go a little further."

The further away they got the faster Clarke lost hope, she thought the plan world but it clearly wasn't. They had been driving for almost an hour and still nothing.

"Wanheda, is it ok if we pull over for a second? The engines making some noises it should be nothing but I should check it just in case." The driver asked and Clarke nodded.

"That's fine, we should turn around anyways." Clarke sighed. The driver quickly got out and opened the hood of the rover.

"What are you doing?" Raven asked.

"We've been driving for an hour and still nothing, this obviously wasn't a good idea. I'm sorry I dragged you guys into this stupid plan." Clarke felt tears welling up in her eyes, nothing was going as planned and even though she's faced much worse she now has so much more to lose. The reality is something she's always known; she can't save anyone.

"Are you sure?" Luna asked.

"Radio Monty have the guards search the woods; your idea was better anyways."

"Clarke…" The radio interrupted before the girl could finish.

"Guys, listen you need to get out of there." They could hear the panic in his voice.

"Monty, what's going on?" Before he could respond they heard gunshots in the distance.

"They noticed the guards in the woods, they captured two of them but the other two escaped we don't have eyes on them, we think they're trying to kill Clarke before they're caught."

"I'll get the driver." As Clarke turned, there was a loud shot at the front of the rover, then a large bang against the door.

Luna and Echo grabbed their swords while Clarke and Raven went for their guns, they waited for the attack but nothing happened.

"That shot sounded really close." They tried to peer out the front but the hood was blocking the view.

"I can't hear the driver." Clarke said.

"Wait, do you smell that?" Raven nose scrunched; the smell grew in strength even after a few moments.

"Smoke." Clarke said watching the front of the Rover go up in flames.

"Shit, the door is jammed." Raven pushed on the back door but it didn't give.

Echo and Luna rushed to help Raven with the door but there was no hope, it wouldn't open.

"They must've blocked the door with something from the outside." Luna said.

Every second that passed the hotter it got; they were trapped in this tin box with no escape. The doors were blocked, starting the car was out of the question and all Clarke could think was how this was her fault. She pushed for this plan to happen, they were going to die and it was her fault. Her baby would never know the love her moms have for her. She would never see Lexa again.

"I'm so sorry." Clarke cried. "I should've never brought you guys out here."

"Dry your tears Sky Girl we are not dying today." Luna grunted while trying to kick the door open.

"Monty, if you can hear us, we need help. The rover is on fire and we're trapped." Raven tried the radio but no one replied. "Shit."

"Stand back." Raven pointed her gun at the lock on the door. She shot it three times but nothing.

The air was getting thicker with smoke and the fire was spreading, there was no one they could get out of here.

"What do we do?" Echo asked.

That was the question everyone asked but what could they do? Any minute this car could fill with flames and they would be dead.

"This is my fault." Clarke mumbled. "Lexa told me not do this but I did it anyways just to prove a point and now I'm going to get us all killed. And my baby..." She could feel herself slipping away, she could hardly breath.

"Clarke keep your eyes on me, you need to stay awake." Luna shook the girl. "Clarke!"

Darkness. That's all Clarke could remember, when she opened her eyes, she was in her room at Polis with oxygen flowing up her nose. It took her eyes a minute to adjust but as she looked around her recognized one of the figures near her.

"Mom?" Clarkes voice was beyond strained.

"How do you feel honey?" Abby smiled at her daughter, stroking her hair.

"What happened? Raven, Luna and Echo, are they…" Clarke mind raced before she could even properly wake up. Her friends, no, her family could be dead because of her. "Oh my god the baby?"

"Clarke calm down." Abby watched the girls pulse race on her machine. "Everyone is fine, the baby is fine you guys all inhaled a lot of smoke but luckily Bellemy got there in time."

"How long have I been out?" Clarke asked, it was almost sunset.

"You've been drifting in and out, but the fire was yesterday morning."

"I've been out for a day? I need to talk to Raven and Luna." Clarke removed her oxygen before climbing out her bed.

"That's fine, but there is someone else who might like to see you." Abby smiled.

"She's back?" Clarke asked nervously, she knew there was a possibility she'd be back early but facing her now seemed impossible. Lexa never wanted her to go through with this plan and after how it went, she knew would be mad.

"She arrived last night with the King."

"I should go find everyone then."

"Ok, but I'd like you to do breathing treatments before bed for the next couple of days."

"Ok." Clarke nodded, she walked down the halls first looking in Ravens room but she wasn't there. So she walked down to the dining area.

"Clarke." Raven smiled as she ran to hug her friend.

"I'm so sorry Rea." Clarke could feel tears.

"Don't." Raven sighed. "I love you and I'm glad you're ok. We're all ok."

"What happened?" Clarke walked towards the table where Luna, Max, Echo, Bellemy and Raven were sitting.

"We were trailing the rover but this idiot guard got too close, one of the Azgeda spies spotted him so they attacked us. We captured two of them, but the rover got a head of us and two of the spies disappeared. We could only assume they were going to finish the job. We tried to catch them but by the time we got there the rover was up in flames and your driver was dead." Bellemy sighed.

"Did you catch the other two spies?" Clarke asked.

"We got one, the other is dead."

"How did you get to us on time?"

"I was right behind the spy; you were only trapped in there maybe a couple of minutes but the fired was spreading quickly from the front of the rover. You guys were all out of it when I finally got the door open." Bellemy said.

"It felt like we were in there so much longer than that." Raven said.

"Are the spies talking?" Clarke asked.

"No one's talked to them yet." Luna said. "Lexa's orders."

Her name hung in the air that surrounded the blonde, she knew she was mad. Hell she wouldn't blame her if she hated her forever. She put her friends in danger, her own baby could've died because of her stupidity.

"Where is she?" Clarke asked Luna.

"Her and Roan are in a meeting, their trying to find the best way to find Ontari and her supporters before anyone else gets hurt."

"Did something happen?" Clarke asked.

"Ton DC was attacked early this morning, they caught a few of Ontari's soldiers but she was nowhere to be found." Luna said.

"O and Lincoln are there now helping the wounded." Raven said.

"Is she mad?" Clarke looked to Luna; she knew if Lexa said something it would be to her.

"She's worried." Luna said.

"She's way past worried." A voice said from the door. Clarke didn't have to turn around to know it was her, and under normal circumstances she would run into the girl's arms and kiss her but after what's she's done, she couldn't celebrate her return.

When she turned around, she took in the sight of her wife, she had her wild curly hair in two long braids and her swords steady by her side. She missed looking at the girl more than anything but her after everything that's happened, she didn't want to face Lexa, she couldn't.

"Is everything ok?" Max asked.

"We've got a few search parties out, we think Ontari is staying near here." Lexa replied.

"What about the spies? Have you talked to them yet?" Luna asked.

"We'll talk about it later, right now I need time with Clarke." Lexa said, no one hesitated before walking out of the room.

The silence that filled the room was louder than anything either of them could say and all Clarke could do was stare down at her hands. She could hear Lexa sitting in the chair across from her but she didn't look up.

"Look at me Clarke." Lexa said softly.

"I can't." Her voice cracking as she watched her tears fall onto her hands.

"Please."

"I can't stand to see the disappointment on your face, I can't even bare to look at myself."

"Clarke please look at me." Lexa's heart was breaking watching the blonde like this, of course she was mad when Luna radioed and told her what happened but that was nothing compared to the heartache and worry, she felt for her wife and their baby. "ai hondes please." Lexa stood up from her seat and walked over to Clarke, she got on her knees and took her hands and wrapped them in her own. "Please."

"I'm sorry." Clarke cried. "I understand if you hate me, I should've never put our baby in that situation."

"I could never hate you, look at me Clarke." Lexa unraveled their hands and grabbed Clarkes face forcing their eyes to meet. "I don't care about anything else right now I just care that you both are alive and okay. You took a risk today getting into that rover but I know you believed in your plan, and I know you had the right intentions."

"I should've listened to you; I should've listened to everyone but instead I tried prove I can do this without you but I clearly can't."

"We both need to listen to each other more." Lexa whispered, as she rested her head against Clarke's. "You were a great leader before you met me, you can't lose faith now Skai Girl, not when you need it the most."

"It's my fault someone Is dead and Luna, Raven and Echo almost died because me. I can't save anyone Lexa, I'm hopeless. The only thing I can lead people to seems to be death. My own baby…" Clarkes cries were getting harder to contain, just the thought of her own child dying because of her makes her sick.

Clarke couldn't say anything, she just let the tears roll down her face. This wasn't the first time she's almost died but it was the first time it mattered to her. She needed to be here for her baby and her wife and for herself.

"Our baby is a fighter, Abby told me everything is ok."

"I still shouldn't have out her in that situation."

"What's done is done Clarke, the only thing I care about is that you guys are alive and healthy."

"What if she finds out about today when she's older? She's going to find out all the horrible things I've done and hate me." Clarke sighed. "I hate me, how could she love me? How could you?"

Lexa watched as Clarke was unraveling and she didn't know what to do. She hated hearing her talk about herself this way, she hated that she didn't know how amazing she is.

"I can't even find the words to tell you how much I love you Clarke, I know who you are the real you. You're this brave, compassionate, selfless, beautiful women who has saved me more time than you know. So you want to know how I could love you. It's one of the easiest things I've ever had to in my life and I won't ever stop, I can't." Lexa wiped the tear from Clarkes red cheeks. "And when our daughter gets here, she'll love you because she'll know the real you like I do, and she'll understand all things you did were to keep others safe and she'll love you even more for it."

Clarke didn't reply instead she just leaned into to Lexa soaking up her smell that she was deprived of the last few days. She never wanted to leave her side again.

"Now get up and let's fight this like we'll do everything for the rest of our lives. Together." Lexa held out her hand waiting for the blonde to take it. "We can do anything together Clarke. Believe in me and believe in yourself."

Clarke put her hand into Lexa's and watched the girl smile.

"I missed you more than I can describe." Clarke cried into her wife's shoulder and she pulled her closer. "I can't do this without you."

"I'm always with you Clarke. Always."

"I love you."

"It's impossible to find words to tell you how much I love you Skai girl."

After Lexa finally got Clarke calm, she carried her upstairs to their room so she could rest. They didn't talk much they just laid and reveled in being in each other's arms.

Before long it was dark, she knew Clarke didn't want to be around people so Lexa had their dinner brought up to the room.

"You have to eat." Lexa sighed watching Clarke move her food around with the fork.

"I need to ask you something." Clarke looked up from her food.

"Ok."

"When Luna told you what happened, were you mad?"

There was a long pause before Lexa cleared her throat mustering up a reply.

"I was beyond mad; I shouldn't have left you here. I was mad at myself and I was mad at you for not listening to me but after a second, I couldn't be mad anymore. I was just worried, no I was scared loosing you isn't an option for me Clarke. I could've lost everything and that was my main concern. So yes I was mad but my worrying outweighs how mad I was." Lexa sighed. "Now eat."

Clarke didn't say a word instead she listened and ate her food, she wanted Lexa to be mad at her. She needed someone to be mad at her but no one was.

After a few minutes, a knock at the door took Clarke out of her thoughts.

"Enter." Lexa yelled.

"I'm here to give Clarke her breathing treatment and I wanted to see you. Raven said you were out of your meeting." Abby carried her equipment to the bed and hugged Lexa. Their relationship started out rocky but now Lexa considered her the closest thing she's had to a mom in a long time. "How is everything?"

"With Roan working with us I'm hoping we'll get Ontari soon, we've sent more guards to the villages near just in case another attack happens. I'll question the spies tomorrow and see if we can get any information from them. I'm hoping we will."

"Well I have faith that you two can get us through this war. You always do." Abby smiled. "How about we start with thirty minutes Clarke." Abby handed her the oxygen mask while she set up her tank.

"Ok." Clarke replied. The oxygen felt nice and for the most part she zoned out Lexa's and Abby's conversation until Lexa asked about the baby.

"If Bellemy hadn't gotten there on time the smoke inhalation could've done some serious damage. I checked the baby's vitals as soon as they brought Clarke in and everything was normal, I would like to run some additional test tomorrow though just to be thorough."

"I'll bring her down in the morning." Lexa said. "How much further along does she have?"

"I would say about 16 more weeks, she's about 4 months along now."

"In 16 weeks I can hold my little girl." Lexa smiled, squeezing Clarkes hand.

"Have you guys thought of any names?"

"We've thrown around a few but we're still looking for the perfect one. How did you pick Clarkes name? I've never heard that name before."

"Well me and Jake discussed many names but once she was born, we decided on Clarke, named after Jakes ancestor who was from the ground before the bombs. He was an engineer for the Ark and a big part of figuring out our oxygen supply and how we kept of technology running. Jake idolized him so we picked Clarke to honor him."

"We considered naming her after a family member but we decided giving her a new name would be good."

"Whatever you come up with will be great." Abby smiled. "Alright thirty minutes are up."

"Thanks Abby." Lexa smiled.

"I'll see you two tomorrow morning, get lots of rest. Both of you." Abby hugged both girls before leaving.

"How do you feel?" Lexa asked Clarke.

"I'm fine." Clarke tried to force a smile. "I think I'm going to take a bath."

Without another word Clarke walked to their bathroom. It was an understatement to say that Lexa was worried about her wife.

After an hour of Clarke being in the bath, she finally surfaced from the bathroom with a blue silk dress that showed off her belly bump perfectly. She laid on the bed and watched Lexa at their small table reading a book.

"Come to bed." Clarke looked at her wife, she looked beyond exhausted.

"I'll change quickly then join you." Lexa started walking to the bathroom but Clarke's hands stopped her.

"You look tired, how about I do that for you." Clarke started with her swords then unbuttoned her shirt throwing it on the floor.

"Clarke." Lexa knew where this was leading and although she would never turn Clarke down, she knew she wasn't in the right state of mind.

"You have way too much clothes on." Clarke stared at her wife's bare chest and started unbuckling her pants.

"Clarke you should rest, you were just in a fire yesterday. You need to take it easy."

"I don't want to think about that." Clarke sighed. "Can you please just make me forget?" Clarke watched Lexa's face as she slipped her hand into her pants, she could feel her wetness soaking her fingers. "I know you want this, please Lexa I need you."

Lexa wanted to refuse; this isn't what Clarke needed right now. She needed rest and emotional support but Lexa's body was betraying her.

"Clarke." She couldn't stop the moan from escaping her mouth, she watched Clarke get down on her knees pulling her pants down along with her.

"Shh, just let me take of you." Clarke smiled as she dropped to her knees admiring how wet Lexa was for her.

Lexa watched as Clarke swirled her tongue through her wet folds slowly driving her crazy as she teased her entrance with a finger. "Look at me." Lexa watched those big blue eyes stare into her soul. "You're amazing."

"Only for you Heda." Clarke smirked her finger faster and faster.

"Get on the bed." Lexa ordered, Clarke didn't hesitate, allowing her dress to fall as she went to laid down. "You're so beautiful." Lexa admired Clarkes full breasts that she loved, and her beautiful bump that was on full display. She only wanted her more seeing her like this. "Spread your legs." Clarke loved obeying Lexa, in the sexual manor that is so she did as she was told. She knew she was dripping by now.

"God Clarke, you're so wet." Lexa ran her fingers through the wet folds but it wasn't enough.

"Lexa, please I need you inside me." Clarke moaned while Lexa slid her fingers inside of her.

"Like this?" Lexa teased.

"I need more." Clarke begged; Lexa added another finger. "more."

Lexa smiled; one finger has never been enough for Clarke so she slowly slid three fingers inside of her.

"Right there." Clarke moaned as Lexa stroked faster. "Fuck." Although Clarke was in pure ecstasy, something felt off.

Lexa watched in awe as Clarkes body moved under her, god she looked so good under her.

"Your holding back." Clarke breathed.

"I'm not." She was, usually their sex was wild and crazy but with her pregnancy and the fact that she was just in a fire, she wanted to be careful.

"I'm not as fragile as you think." Clarke rolled her eyes, Lexa still lingering on top of her. "Do you even want to do this or are you just doing it because I want to?"

"Really Clarke? Clearly I want you." Lexa sighed, moving to the edge of the bed.

"Then what's going on?" Clarke moved towards Lexa hugging her from behind.

"There's a lot going on Clarke."

"I know, and I'm sorry that I added to your stress."

Clarke watched as Lexa put her head in her hands, Lexa always had a lot on her mind but his was different. After a second, she heard the girl sniffle.

"Lex." Lexa didn't cry often but, it broke Clarkes heart every time she did.

"I thought I lost you."

"Lex—"

"No Clarke, I thought you were dead even if it was for a split second it scared me to death. I never want to feel that again."

"I'm sorry." Clarke murmured, wrapping her arms tighter around the girl. "Look at me."

Lexa hated crying, not only was she punished for it as a child but every time she cried, she felt weak. She felt powerless and she hated that, but now she just felt sad and she needed to let Clarke in so she turned around to the still naked Blonde and looked at her.

"I love you and I'm so sorry that I put you through that if I could undo it I would. I hate that I made you feel like this but I need you to know that you could never loose me even if you tried."

"I'll never try."

"We'll see how you feel when the hormones take over and I'm being a bitch to you." Clarke smiled; she knew no matter what she did Lexa would love her regardless.

"Well in that case I might as well kick you out now." Lexa smiled.

"Did I just get a joke out of you?" Clarke faked a surprised look which made Lexa laugh.

"Only you can make me laugh and cry in the span of thirty seconds Skai Girl." Lexa wrapped her arms around the blonde.

"That's what I'm here for." She smiled. "I've been thinking after what happened I should take I step back. I still want to help as much as I can but I think my main focus should be keeping our baby girl healthy." Clarke knew she would hate being on the sidelines but this was what was best for the baby and Lexa's peace of mind. She couldn't have her being worried about her while they had real enemies out there.

"I like that idea." Lexa kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry I ruined our moment."

"You didn't ruin it; the truth is I knew you would want to talk eventually so I needed a distraction from you and my thoughts. You opening up and telling me how you feel will always be better than sex. Honestly talking is something we need more of."

"I agree."

"Good, now get over here and cuddle me because it's been almost four day since I've gotten to fall asleep in your arms and I missed it." Lexa wasted no time laying behind Clarke with her arms wrapped tightly around her baby bump.

"I love you Clarke."

"I love you too."