Until our Christmas vacation arrived, we were all busy. I thought bringing people into the exam rooms was annoying and kept me in demand. Walking around town was another thing altogether. Everyone wanted to talk to me. I went everywhere. My feet hurt from all of the walking I did and my mind screamed when someone did not listen to me. Even sitting on a bench for a rest, I was badgered. But that was the life of a traveling nurse.

I also meant that I was around Crabapple Cove so often that I heard all of the gossip. While I did not want to hear most of it, I used it to my advantage. This helped me vindicate Jake. A little word here, a correction there, and some women were off to tell new information to other people. Some woman came back to me with things I already said, except some of the wording was twisted.

That was fine with me, just as long as it was not as negative. It meant that Jake could come into town and sit at Eddie's. Once Crabapple Cove felt that Jake was vindicated, Dad drove up to his home and informed him of his safety. I was not there for his initial arrival, but Hawkeye was. A week before Christmas, he and Dad had stopped at Eddie's one morning to drop off some items borrowed. They were talking with Eddie when Jake entered and sat with Paulie and Chuckie at their usual table.

The pair were surprised to see Jake. They spoke all at once, asking him if he was ok and what he had been up to. Jake held up his hand for silence. He did not want to discuss the past. He waved down a waitress and asked for his customary breakfast and coffee.

Someone else also took note of his arrival. It was Victor Douglas. He had come to the scene because he was actually looking for me and wanted a report from me. Jake loomed closer in his sights though.

Nobody had a clue that Douglas carried a vendetta against Jake. While not in on the conspiracy with Cochran, he knew that Jake was the man to do some dirty work. When he heard that Cochran had been disposed of, he blamed Jake. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Jake was the one who had the loose lips.

Douglas approached Jake and asked, "Care to sit with me?"

"I am settled," Jake replied coldly.

"I demand that you sit with me," Douglas said louder.

This is when the restaurant grew quiet. While the staff continued to work with their heads down, Dad and Hawkeye glared in that direction, eager to see what happened next. Eddie did not even bother to break it up. He desired to see Jake in action.

"I told you, I am settled." Jake took his plate from a waitress. "I ain't movin' for you. Last time I did, people got hurt."

Douglas refused to back down. In a flash, he shoved Jake's plate out of the way. It crashed to the floor. Food and glass shards were everywhere. And yet, Jake did and said nothing. He was calm, picking up his coffee for a sip.

"You aren't settled anymore," Douglas urged. "We need to talk. Now. Come with me."

"I have nothing to say to you," Jake replied. He put his cup down. "I will give you a minute. If you are not out of my sight, I will punch you."

Douglas did not listen. He continued to push Jake around. He did not stop the harassment and the demands. Eventually, he slapped Jake on the shoulder blades, like he was pushing him out of the seat. This prodding caused the coffee cup to go the same way as the plate. That was when the minute was up.

Hawkeye relayed that this was when the employees even stopped to watch. Not even a pin dropped when Jake stood up. He met Douglas' eyes coldly. Everyone thought that he was not going through with his threat. He was not riled up from Douglas.

"I gave you sixty seconds to get out of my face," Jake said quietly. "Now, you're going to understand why I am done. Bring that back to your master."

Jake punched Douglas. Hard.

Hawkeye, Dad and Eddie led the applause. Nobody rose to help Douglas. He was unconscious and bleeding from the nose on the floor. It was best to leave him where he laid, they figured. He'll be taken care of.

Jake looked at Eddie. "Can I have some grub now?"

Eddie was more than pleased to see that Jake was not lynched. Gladly, he ordered another plate for Jake. In the meantime, Paulie and Chuck moved Jake to another table. Douglas stayed right where he was, kicked around and heckled. Children left snow in his pants. His shoes were stolen. His coat was ripped to shreds. Hawkeye even had the decency to draw pictures on what skin was bare.

In the afternoon, when I was home with the children and Mrs. Pettigrew, Douglas knocked on the door. I was alarmed and tried to keep from laughing (since Hawkeye already caught up with me on the streets and told me everything). Douglas was a mess. He was shivering. His feet and pants were wet from walking in the snow. His arms wrapped themselves around his body, to contain some heat. Ink and blood dribbled all over his clothes.

"Oh, Doctor Douglas! Come in. Let's get your cleaned up and warmed up." I led him inside and closed the door behind me. "Let me help you upstairs. Take a hot shower and I will have dry clothes for you."

Douglas' teeth were chattering so loudly that I could not understand his reply. I went to work immediately though. Douglas was in the bathroom faster than I put a patient to bed. I grabbed some spare clothes and a pair of old shoes that appeared to be his size and threw them in while he was showering. I told him that any medical supplies were in the medicine cabinet. Everything else went to the washer.

After twenty minutes, Douglas appeared downstairs. He was still damp from the shower, but was angered. I could not blame him, considering what happened, but I knew he deserved it. What appeared to be the worst now was his nose. It was broken. Douglas had set it himself.

"Now, Mrs. Pierce, let's get down to business," he said as we settled at the dining room table. "Now, you are just traveling, correct?"

"Yes," I confirmed. "I am walking. I have not taken the bus."

"Oh, good. You are keeping expenses in mind."

"Well, we all have to make sacrifices."

"I am sure you have had enough of them. Now, how does this compare to your work in the Army? Do you feel we need improvements?"

"I think a larger budget will be nice. The Army at least had the decency to give us a chance to get supplies."

His interrogation and my sassiness continued. I almost could not concentrate on his questioning after a while. All I could picture is Jake hitting Douglas square in the face at Eddie's. Towards the end of the interview, with my imagination coloring everything, I had to cover my mouth to hide my smile. It seemed that I was shocked at his appearance. I kept it that way.

Douglas was pleased at the conclusion. "It seems that all is in order."

"Of course." I stood to walk him out the door. "Do not worry about anything, Doctor. I am sure we will return to our normal lives soon enough. I will ensure everything of yours will be washed, cleaned and delivered."

"You will not mind keeping my clothes?" Douglas raised an eyebrow.

"They are being washed," I reassured him. "I will have my husband return them to you when it is convenient."

When Douglas left stuttering (and without a coat, mind you), Mrs. Pettigrew reappeared in the living room. She had taken the children to the beach and ushered them inside with red noses and cold fingers. The stove already hummed with a pot of chocolate milk. She was waiting for further instructions from me.

I laughed. "Did you hear the news from Eddie's?"

Mrs. Pettigrew wrinkled her nose. "Yes. That horrible man deserved it."

"You think he was in cahoots with Cochran?" I wanted her opinion. "It sounds like it. They seemed to be close, last time I saw them."

"Oh, they are close. They plan together. However, I think Cochran was thinking of ridding himself of Douglas."

"Any reason why?"

"Douglas a big mouth and bigger ambitions. It would have interfered with Cochran."

I shook my head. "We will deal with it when we can. Now, where are the children?"

A few days later, exhausted and hardly staying awake, Hawkeye and I went to Portland. He handled it better than I did. I slept for most of the trip. I still was not used to working and cleaning and childrearing at the same time. By the time I arrived home everyday, Annabeth, Danielle and Patrick were clamoring for my attention. The house was always a disaster, even when Shannon was home from school. Someone always called to talk. Life ever stood still.

Peg woke me up some hours later. "Here, have a baby," she said.

I was stunned. She handed me little Dean. She and BJ squeezed in the back seat with their luggage and Gina. Erin and Dean were supposed to be between me and Hawkeye. While Erin decided to jump in between us, I decided that it was best to hold onto my brother's namesake. I did not want anything happening to him. I was going to break down if it did.

It began snowing on our way back to Crabapple Cove. With so much talking in the car, I didn't know how Hawkeye concentrated. I most certainly wished us home safely. With this precious life in my lap, I could not afford to have the vehicle crash somewhere.

Then, I was imagining the worst scenarios. I pictured myself taking the steering wheel while Hawkeye laid on the other side, hurt. All of the children were nothing but blood. BJ and Peg were dead on the rocks and the children looked on in horror. Our bodies were washed out to sea. We drowned as the Packard sank to the bottom of the ocean.

"And we're home, where the buffalo don't roam!" Hawkeye announced.

My mind settled down. Back in the present moment, I realized that we were indeed home. Everyone was shuffling out. I waited until Erin bounced over me before bringing Dean inside. When Peg offered to carry him, I declined. I wanted to get this baby inside. He had to be amongst my children and his siblings before I could relinquish him to his family.

Even so, I was nervous when Dean was placed in the playpen with Danielle and Patrick. The pair looked at their new playmate suspiciously. Unlike the other girls, they did not connect to each other easily. The twin in me realized that Danielle and Patrick had a close attachment to each other and anyone foreign was not welcome.

It will change. I know it. They will allow people in.

I took a deep breath, watching the trio. I almost did not hear Shannon ask me a question. Hawkeye had to tap me on the shoulder several times before I came back to Earth. Even so, my ears did not want to hear Shannon. I was lost in my own world that my brother Dean shared with me.

Shannon pulled at my uniform skirt. "Mommy, can we play upstairs?"

"Yes. Yes, you can." I waved them in that direction. "I'm sorry."

When the four girls disappeared, it left us adults mostly alone. Peg volunteered to help me with dinner. Then, we planned a card game after the children went to bed. Peg and I against Hawkeye and BJ in bridge was going to be interesting. We were already tossing insults at each other.

When BJ and Hawkeye decided to check on the kids and sip from the oasis, Peg and I cooked. We worked in an amicable silence. She set off to bake some side dishes while I cooked the main meal. The topic of my brother remained between us. BJ had been the one who asked me to name his son after my twin. Peg probably had no idea why and only knew Dean was my dead twin.

Eventually, she broached it. "BJ mentioned your brother was a good man," she ventured.

I paused, unsure of what to say. "He was amazing and funny."

"I hope my son is as good as your brother."

"Without the anger, I imagine."

"We all have that inside of us, Jeanie. Sometimes, it burns brighter than most."

"I will not believe your son will be as helpless as my brother was."

"Jeanie, nobody can be that angry. I don't understand what you mean."

I had to take a deep breath. Peg did not know of my abuse. BJ did not tell her. In a way, I felt relief, but at the same time, it was frustrating. Peg was not going to understand why my brother was infuriated by the casual way Clarence sent him to the military academy. He was not home to protect me. He had to watch in agony and worry over me. When I enlisted and became a nurse, he felt relief, but it was a high cost.

Between home and abroad, my brother did not heal. The Army gave him some closure. He was able to forget many things through sex and drinking. He could not forgive himself though. If he could not protect his own little sister, he felt useless. Until his last hours, he was always thinking of me and how I was nursing him.

"I know that I'm not quite ready, but I've made myself as ready as I can ever be. I can't believe it, little sister. Is it to be or not to not to be? Is this really real?"

"Jeanie?" Peg put a hand on my shoulder. "Are you ok?"

"Thinking," I told her. "Sometimes, when faced with something, it takes me time to settle down. My brother was supposed to keep watch over me. Instead, I spent his last days doing just that to him."

"I'm sure it was a comfort." Peg was trying to be reassuring.

Those last days seethed into my soul. There was nothing anyone could do to take that way. I was past the bog of deep grief. It did not mean that Dean came into my mind without tears. A part of me had been ripped from me in death. I could not be so forgiving of those who helped in the process.

I nodded. "I am so afraid of Dean leaving us."

"He won't, I promise," Peg replied enthusiastically. "He's as gentle as BJ. I don't think our Dean will be as…well, crazy."

We both laughed. For Peg, it was to calm the situation. For me, it was to let her know that I was fine. Inside, I was churning with so much emotion that I had to still it. Peg was right. This Dean isn't as rambunctious as my brother and won't have the same grand adventures. He will be part of the gentle next generation. We will be teaching him peace.

Dinner was finished an hour later (to our relief) and we all ate. At the head of the table, Dad toasted the upcoming holidays and our guests. We all drank a little more than we should have and joked while our children eyed us silently. They knew what it meant after dinner. As soon as they could be excused, all of them ran in different directions and hid. I had a feeling that Shannon and Erin had a hand in this.

It was difficult to catch the children afterward. It took an hour to find all seven of them. To have them bathed and ready for bed was a chore. Once Erin, Gina and Dean settled down in the children's bedrooms, the five adults left behind in the carnage breathed a sigh of relief. We also had a bridge game to complete.

It lasted long into the night and Hawkeye and BJ won. By the time two in the morning rolled around and we finished, Peg and BJ were asleep in their chairs. Hawkeye and I were struggling to get up the stairs. It seemed a long distance from the basement to our bedroom…

Dad woke us up around six in the morning. Hawkeye and I somehow crawled and curled up on the living room floor together, near the front door. We were still dressed in the clothes from the night before and smelling like the Marines poured beer all over us. Both of us needed a shower and expectantly before the children woke up. Already, I dreaded chasing a group of young ones around the beach.

"Father Mulcahy called," Dad told us. "He said that he will be here tonight. He and his sister will take a taxi into town. We don't need to drive to Portland."

"Thank God," I declared. I didn't care that I didn't hear the telephone or that it came through so early.

"That was my line," Hawkeye said.

"It gives us time to clean too," Dad reminded us.

"What?" I shakily sat up. "What are you talking about, Dad?"

"Oh, Hawkeye didn't tell you?" Dad gave Love the evil eye before continuing. "Father Cyr is coming for dinner the day after Christmas. He heard about Father Mulcahy's plans with the Korean orphans and wanted to meet with him and discuss it."

Hawkeye stretched his limbs. "How was I supposed to remember?"

"With the drinking you're doing, I am sure the memory would have made its way to your wife," Dad countered. "Now, upstairs with the two of you. I will wake up Peg and BJ."

Hawkeye and I scrambled up to our bedroom. He claimed a shower first. I did not care. I heard the first rustlings of a child. I was not sure which one started it. I intended to keep them in bed for another hour. As parents, we deserved a few minutes to ourselves. I hoped we had a chance.

~00~

December 24, 1957
Crabapple Cove, Maine

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, there were several creatures a stirring and all of them are drunk and finished wrapping the presents. Father Mulcahy and Sister Angelica are passed out in their beds in the guest room. BJ and Peg are giggling in the basement, with no intention of coming to their cots in our bedroom. Hawkeye is in my downstairs room with me, playing with my hair. He's asking me to stop writing.

I can't. This occasion is too special. I never knew Christmas to be this way before. I always used to ignore it. With the children, it is now a joy. I did not realize it until now.

Holidays of the past rolled in my mind. Christmases with Mom and Clarence were spent in church and handing out gifts. The Army did not offer much and we always made the patients comfortable. In West Germany, we all drank until we passed out. Korea did not give us any favors and demanded we pay attention to those less fortunate. Now that I am home, it has taken on a form of itself.

It has been over four years since I arrived in Crabapple Cove. When I remember the first Christmas, I want to giggle. I was pregnant with Annabeth and my oldest was happy we were home. Then, we celebrated the next with two girls. It was the beginning of a tough time. When the third Christmas rolled around, I was pregnant with the twins. It was the height of our animosity and Hawkeye was not getting any better.

When Danielle and Patrick experienced their first visit from Santa Claus, I was still in the midst of planning of keeping Hawkeye closer to home and changing him. We both were civil for the sake of the children, but before long, Hawkeye went to our bedroom to drink and he acted like an asshole. Granted, this night is no different. He is drunk and he is a bit of an asshole.

But it's with ME. I don't mind because he's not bad and instigating some trouble. A lot has happened since that day almost a year ago. He is not as angry. We have settled most of our problems and are working out the rest. Not to mention, we were looking forward to being a team professionally. Hawkeye always liked working with me. This was no different.

Hawkeye is nibbling on my earlobe. This is too tempting. I have to go. If I don't, he'll pull my pajama bottoms down and forget the bedroom. I don't want BJ and Peg hearing.

To momoflanda: I apologize it took so long to get this chapter out. This is for you. I hope you are safe!