Cue: an animated version of the opening sequence of "The Nostalgia Critic". The camera then opened on the bespectacled, goatee'd title host, sitting at his desk in front of a white wall. As always, he was wearing his trademark black cap, white t-shirt, loose red necktie, and black blazer with rolled-up sleeves.
Nostalgia Critic: "Helloooo, I'm the Nostalgia Critic! I remember it, so you don't have to! One of the more under-explored concepts in most of film and television these days is the crossover, a gimmick where two or more characters from disparate, mostly-unrelated franchises either fight, team up, or do a little of both. It's a concept that's been prominent in comic books for decades, and one of Nintendo's all-time best-sellers is the Super Smash Bros. series, which takes a number of characters from various Nintendo games and mashes them all together for one great big slugfest. In film though, it's been seen as something more of a novelty, going all the way back to 1942's Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man. For other notable movie crossovers, you have the likes of Freddy vs. Jason, Alien vs. Predator, and even in Japan the likes of Zatoichi Meets Yojimbo and, of course, King Kong vs. Godzilla. TV animation's gotten plenty of use out of this storytelling device over the years, like the trio of Jimmy-Timmy Power Hour specials on Nickelodeon, or the Phineas and Pherb mix n' match-ups with Star Wars and Marvel Comics characters. And let's not forget, of course, an all-time classic, The Flintstones Meet the Jetsons.
On the onset, it's a rare and mostly cool thing to see your favorite characters crossing 'boundaries' to interact with one another, and it's something most fans would like to see more of. Yet it seems as if the quality of most crossovers these days isn't that high, whether it be due to character or franchise selection or how forced the story bringing them together is. My point is, why AREN'T there more ambitious crossovers in film and TV? Yes, it mostly comes down to licensing and legalities, but could there be a more underlying reason why studios-"
The Nostalgia Critic's spiel was interrupted when he heard an animalistic growl come from nowhere, causing him to look around confusedly.
Nostalgia Critic: "What the heck was that...?!"
As if to immediately answer him, a couple of strange, hairy ape-like humanoids (wearing glasses) entered the frame and lifted him up by the arms with tight grips. He looked between his two simian-esque captors nervously before looking back at the camera.
Nostalgia Critic [attempting to regain some sense of dignity]: "*AHEM* If I may paraphrase a very iconic, if tired, movie quote, let me just say right now...[Begins hysterically struggling in the grip of the ape-humanoids as they carry him away.] GET YOUR STINKING PAWS OFF ME, YA DANG DIRTY APES!"
The shot was then replaced with the following title card:
*TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES*
I(X)I
*PLEASE STAND BY*
Episode 24 - Kidnapping and Other Minor Inconveniences, Part 1
The meeting of the SEELE council commenced as soon as the holograms of each member came into view, with that of Armando Gutierrez appearing last.
"Gentlemen, let us begin," the eyepatch-wearing mastermind said. "In spite of the latest victory over the Angels, it has become clear, contrary to Ikari's assertions, that his grasp of the Freakazoid situation still remains tenuous, at best."
"Agreed," one council member said, "that masked freak continues to evade Section-2's efforts, and Boa-Magnon's reports have become intermittent of late."
"Which brings me to another concern," Gutierrez hinted as he continued. "On the subject of 'intermittent reports', there have been even fewer coming from your inside man within NERV. Ryoji Kaji, correct?"
"Correct," another council member answered. "A lot of us, Kihl especially, have been harboring a lot of doubts about that man for some time. Ikari has held the same, which leads us to conclude that Kaji may possess an agenda of his own. What it involves we are currently unsure of, but there is no doubt he means to undermine our cause, as well as whatever Ikari's may truly be."
"Ah yes," Gutierrez said, "a man who knows too much certainly cannot be allowed to continue running free now, can he? We will have to remedy the situation soon. In the mean time, I believe we will need to gain further insight into the Ikari situation. And I know just the man who might be able to...cooperate with us in this regard..."
Gendo Ikari's office, mid-evening...
"My my, what an unexpected turn of events," Kaji said as he turned to face Gendo and Fuyutsuki. Both commanders were not amused by the spy's candor. "Just how do you plan to explain this to the Committee? Or rather, SEELE?"
"...Freakazoid simply acted on his own to interfere in our operation," Gendo answered. "It is a simple enough explanation even the old men would accept."
"True," Kaji concurred. "And of course, they dodged a big one with most of the EVA's coming out of the fight relatively unscathed. Their scenario continues, unimpeded..."
"Except their scenario is no longer coming to pass," Gendo said.
Hearing this took Kaji by surprise. "What do you mean?" the unshaven spook asked, curious by the implications in Gendo's statement.
Gendo, for his part, smirked before he answered; he genuinely took great pleasure in throwing the normally-crafty agent off-balance. "It is just as I said," he replied. "The old men's plans have been completely swept aside, ever since the coup they experienced a couple of months ago."
Kaji grew even more surprised. "What happened?" he asked.
"Lorenz Kihl, shortly after the battle with the 12th Angel, was deposed by a new player on the board," Gendo explained. "The former chairman's whereabouts are currently unknown to me."
Kaji's eyes narrowed as he threw out his next question. "So then, who's been running the show?"
"Armando Gutierrez," Gendo replied.
"...You're joking," Kaji stated. He knew Gutierrez was a white whale in the intelligence community, given his status as one of the world's most wanted men.
"As Fuyutsuki can attest, I never 'joke', Kaji," Gendo responded.
Kaji was about to say something else, when he decided to let it go at the last minute. He then spoke up again: "This definitely changes everything." He then turned and left the office, closing the door behind him.
Central Dogma, the MAGI consoles, around the same time...
Ritsuko was doing some routine maintenance on the three large consoles of the MAGI; the rest of her subordinates had gone on break, yet she opted to stay and give the three-machine supercomputer a once-over. It was mostly out of habit, since for most of her life she tended to get along better with test tubes and circuit boards than people. (Though cats were one of her few exceptions.) Next to her was a holographic projector showing the code as it cycled through the routines she'd input minutes ago, until it flickered in a way that really got her attention. A surprised Ritsuko then watched as the image began to change before her. The lines of code were soon replaced by a human face, one that Ritsuko herself recognized: that of her own mother, Naoko Akagi.
"Wha-what's going on here?!" Ritsuko wondered with shock, which soon became frustration. "If I find whoever monkeyed around with the MAGI to do this, I am going to seriously-!"
"Ritsuko, calm down! No one messed around with the MAGI, I guarantee it," the image said reassuringly.
Ritsuko's shock soon returned upon hearing the hologram's voice. "No, no this isn't happening," she said with denial, "the commander probably programmed this to torment me. It's the only explanation-"
"Other than the three MAGI becoming one and gaining self-awareness?" Naoko said, finishing the sentence. "Effectively reincarnating me into a cyberspace-themed existence?"
Ritsuko once again gaped. The MAGI uniting into a single mind? And not just any, but a very close copy of her late mother's? It seemed too good to be true.
"You're probably thinking it seems too good to be true, aren't you?" Naoko asked. "Well, believe it, Ritsuko-I'm back!"
A still-gaping Ritsuko, befuddled beyond belief, then looked our way as she suddenly found herself in a parody of the opening sequence of a cult-favorite 1960's sitcom...
-X-
[Cue title graphic: "My Mother the Computer". Title fade, replace with "Starring Ritsuko Akagi".]
Everybody knows in the second life,
we all come back sooner or later.
As anything from a roving Roomba to a graphing calculator.
[Cue typical computer sounds. Title graphic appears: "Also starring Maya Ibuki."]
Well, you all may think
my story is
more fiction than it's fact...
But believe it or not,
My mother dear
decided to come back...
As a computer-
Neither a PC nor a Mac!
She's a font of wisdom with chips and circuits
and vacuum tubes in the back!
She helps me through
everything I do,
always with the best of tact!
[More computer noises. New graphic title appears: "Also starring Miss Naoko Akagi as...". Title fades, replaced with...]
"My Mother the Computer!"
"My Mother the Computer!"
-X-
Ritsuko, a script in-hand, was watching all this on a TV monitor as she sat in a director's chair.
"Oh-okay, now I get it," she said with understanding while reviewing the scene, tapping a pen against the script. "All right, I get it, I see what you're doing...This is spoofing that really old sitcom with the guy who drives a vintage car possessed by his mother's ghost...What was its name again?" She briefly scratched her temple with the pen's back end. "Can't think of it off the top of my head...A bit obscure, not sure how many in the audience will get it, but points for referencing something not a lot of people would..."
She then pushed the cart the monitor was on away with one foot, and then tossed the script to the side as she got back to her place on the set, between the MAGI consoles, where the hologram of Naoko was waiting for her. She then cleared her throat as she got back into character.
"How can I be sure it's really you?" Ritsuko asked the holographic likeness of her mother. The Naoko hologram motioned for her to come closer with one finger; Ritsuko bent down, and Naoko proceeded to whisper into her ear (a hand covering her mouth). Ritsuko's eyes widened considerably at what Naoko was saying, causing her to abruptly pull back.
"I've never shared any of that with anyone, not even Gendo!" Ritsuko said. It was true; only one other person knew about that one particularly embarrassing moment in the NERV head scientist's life, and that person was her own mother. "...It really is you. I don't believe it-how are you even here like this?"
"Remember when the 11th Angel attacked?" Naoko asked.
"Well, yes," Ritsuko answered. "We would've been done for if Freakazoid hadn't-" She stopped as the pieces began to come together quickly. "No wonder the security footage from that day happened to just 'disappear'."
Naoko nodded in affirmation. "His intervention was the kick in the rear I needed to put myself back together. I guess my personality imprint tech turned out to be an unexpected contingency for me. Though I can't say the same for the rest of me..."
"What did happen to you that day?" Ritsuko asked, as the initial details she'd been given of her mother's accident began to lose their validity.
"...If it's all the same to you, I'd like to tell you later," Naoko replied. "Somewhere private. You never know who might be listening or watching-especially when it may be him."
It didn't take Ritsuko long to figure out just who she was referring to, and nodded in agreement. The two then quietly decided to reconvene tomorrow at Ritsuko's apartment, where she could ensure her connection to the MAGI (from her own home console) would be completely private.
The next morning, District 8, the west side of the city...
Fuyutsuki was awaiting his usual train into NERV HQ, a folded newspaper under one arm. It was then that he noticed that the station was very empty. Usually, even at this time of day, he could expect to see at least a couple of people waiting to get on as well, but it was practically a ghost town. At that moment, his slight sense of paranoia caused him to hear the sound of footsteps. When he looked back up at his environment, he found himself surrounded by black-clad masked goons. It didn't take long for him to figure out who'd sent them.
"...*SIGH* Don't worry, I know the drill," the former professor said with resignation as he put his wrists behind his back. "I appreciate you having the courtesy to not hit me with a blackjack or drug me, at least. Not to sound so critical, it's just either option would've been a bit too cliche." One goon then proceeded to bind the sub-commander's wrists together with rope as Fuyutsuki was then led to an unmarked, black SUV's back seat. Before being seated, a black bag was then placed over his head. Fuyutsuki then noticed a particular aroma within the bag as another goon buckled him in. "Hmm, how odd-did you use Febreze or Tide when you washed this?" he asked as the door closed and the SUV drove off.
NERV HQ, an interrogation room, a couple of hours later...
Misato wasn't happy about her current situation. Earlier, a couple of Section-2 agents had approached her in her office, ordered her to surrender her weapon, and then had her accompany them to the room she was presently sitting in. According to what they'd told her, Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki had been abducted while awaiting his usual train into work. They'd also informed her that current intel pegged none other than Kaji having masterminded the kidnapping; since she was close to the man, they would suspect her of having some insight into the whole affair. Hearing this, however, didn't fly with NERV's ops director-especially considering she and Kaji had talked the other night, where her spook of a boyfriend told her of what he'd learned during his meeting with the commanders. They'd speculated that SEELE would probably try and pump someone in NERV's high command for information who wasn't Gendo, so Kaji kept his ear to the ground, until he caught wind of the kidnapping plot thanks to a few of his contacts. He then set out to try and find where Fuyutsuki was taken, hopefully to extract him. Before he'd left, Misato made him promise to be careful. Still, she was worried about him-though she didn't show it to the two agents currently watching over her.
"...Since I'm guessing we're gonna be here a while," Misato started to say, "could I get a magazine or two, at least? Don't wanna get bored out of my skull. 'Cause trust me, you wouldn't like me when I'm bored out of my skull."
An undisclosed location, around the same time...
A light shone under the chair in the center of the dark room, where Fuyutsuki sat, wrists still bound behind him. The large holographic visage of Gutierrez soon appeared before him.
"I never expected I'd be speaking to you at any point, Mr. Gutierrez," Fuyutsuki said.
Gutierrez smirked a bit before he spoke. "I do apologize for the rather improper means of getting in touch with you," Gutierrez replied. "I hope my men haven't hurt you."
"You do know you could have just called me on the phone," Fuyutsuki pointed out.
"Ah, yes, true," Gutierrez concurred, "but I find that the telephone is so...impersonal. It is why I prefer the 'hands-on' touch you only get with hired goons."
Fuyutsuki arched an eyebrow at that remark. Still very much the supervillain, isn't he? he thought. "To what do I owe the pleasure of being forced to miss work today?"
Before Gutierrez responded, the holograms of the other members of the SEELE council appeared. "We have a long-simmering problem that we need to discuss with you," Gutierrez explained. "It concerns your former student-turned-commanding officer. Think of this as something of a...performance review. We very much insist on your cooperation, Professor."
Huh. Professor...Fuyutsuki mused to himself. No one's called me that for a long time...
Rei Ayanami's apartment, early afternoon...
Rei, her long sapphire locks bound into a neat ponytail, was sitting on her couch, reading a book. Shinji and Asuka were doing a little studying, with their textbooks spread open on their friend's coffee table. Shinji then noticed, out of the corner of his eye, a small stack of notebooks on an end table on the right side of the couch.
"Are those sketchbooks?" Shinji asked the bluenette.
For a brief moment, he and Asuka could've sworn they saw Rei twitch nervously. "...Yes, they are," she replied.
"...What's in them?" Asuka asked.
"Nothing," Rei replied quickly, diving back into her book. Shinji and Asuka turned to each other, surprised by their friend's sudden reaction. Asuka abruptly then stood up and walked over to the stack of sketchbooks.
"Please do not open that," Rei said, subtly pleading with Asuka.
"Too late!" Asuka nonchalantly said as she lifted one sketchbook up and began flipping through it. Rei started to blush, while Asuka's eyes widened with surprise. "Shinji, get a load of this."
Shinji, reluctantly, stood up and proceeded to look over his girlfriend's shoulder. His eyes, too, went wide. It was a reaction they'd both shared months ago when they'd seen Rei doodling in her notebook in class. In the sketchbook were pages upon pages of drawings-and all of them were of Freakazoid. Even more surprising was the variety of styles that Rei had utilized to depict the wacky wonder: Renaissance, Art Nouveau, Cubist, Surrealist, Modernist, Post-Modernist, and even a few familiar manga styles.
"I...understand if you seem concerned," Rei sheepishly said, the blush having yet to leave her face as she nervously twiddled her thumbs.
"Well...maybe a little bit," Shinji admitted. "But I have to say, some of these are really good."
"Looks like someone's been paying a lot of attention in art class," Asuka noted as she flipped through more pages. "How long have you been holding out on us, Wondergirl?"
"...It actually has been relatively recent for me," Rei replied, the blush now starting to fade from her cheeks.
"Still, I may not know much about art, but I think you've really got talent," Shinji commented.
"You ever think of doing any pieces that're more...funny?" Asuka asked.
"How do you mean?" Rei asked.
"Cartoons, caricatures, that sort of thing," Asuka elaborated, her gaze turning to the stack of old MAD magazine issues on the coffee table. "Like the stuff they do in those. I mean, some people can say they draw as a hobby, but what about cartooning?"
"And if you're really good, you could make a career out of it too," Shinji added, pointing to the same stack of magazines. "It certainly worked out for those guys, right?"
Rei seemed to consider that point for a moment, before responding. "That sounds like a promising idea," she said. She then reached out to pick up one of the issues, opened it up, and began reading it. Shinji and Asuka then returned to their studying. A couple of minutes later, they heard Rei ask them a question.
"Could you explain this joke to me?"
Shinji and Asuka looked at her, then at each other, both thinking the same thing: Oh, boy...
To be continued...
**Author's Note(s)**
And now we've reached a point of what normally is a source of major drama in the EVA canon. Let's screw around with it, shall we? ;)
The opening teaser should be familiar to you eagle-eyed readers who've seen Freakazoid's 21st episode. It'll give you an idea of who the next villain on the horizon is...Plus, say hi to our new 'guest-star', the Nostalgia Critic!
If you haven't guessed it already, Ritsuko's little reunion with Naoko features a parody of the intro sequence for the 1960's 'fantasy-sitcom' My Mother The Car, with a few minor tweaks to the lyrics. I'd imagine an animated sequence akin to Bewitched or I Dream of Jeannie as part of the joke.
Ritsuko commenting on the parody as she reviews her script is based on Freakazoid doing something similar in the season one segment "Freakazoid is History!", where upon realizing he's gone back in time, he finds himself in a parody of Quantum Leap's title sequence (which he also comments on).
Naoko confirming she's the genuine article to Ritsuko is a bit lifted from Mike313's non Superwomen of EVA 2 story "Altered Destinies".
Misato, when asking for a magazine, paraphrases a trademark catchphrase from the 1978 Incredible Hulk TV series. (Also something of a slight nod to OrionPax09's "Emerald Fury" story.)
Gutierrez, when weighing the pros and cons of 'phone vs. goons', paraphrases Mr. Burns in the fourth season episode of The Simpsons titled "Last Exit to Springfield".
And now we see the beginnings of Rei's descent into MAD-ness...
All right, enough of my hinting, time for some fun!
Omake 9 - Rei's Pitch
Author0fntent was going over some notes when he heard a knock on his office door.
"Come in," he said. The door opened and he looked up from his notes to find Rei entering the office. "What can I do for you, Rei?"
"I would like to discuss an idea for a spin-off that I have been thinking about," the First Child replied.
The author's eyebrow arched upon hearing that. "You want to pitch a spin-off?" he asked.
"Yes," Rei replied in turn. "I have been looking to expand upon my range and felt a more light-hearted, 'throwback'-styled sitcom would be an avenue worth exploring."
"Really?" Author0fntent asked. "What'd you have in mind?"
"I have been looking at a few fanfics that have explored the idea of one or more of my selves or clones becoming self-aware," Rei explained. "Most of them, sadly, did not get very far beyond five chapters at the most. Some examples I cite, in particular, include "Me, Myself and Ayanami", "Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut", "Coupled Effort", or "The Mighty Reiko-Chan". From their influence, I have created a pitch for a story in which the following happens: a glitch during one of my memory uploads causes three of my long-suppressed emotions to manifest in three of my clones, who then get loose. I now have the responsibility of helping them acclimate to regular life, despite being not as well-versed in it myself-which causes, as many would say, for hilarity to ensue."
"Well, there's some potential in that kind of story idea," the author said.
"I have even gone so far as to audition a few actresses to play those errant 'sisters' of mine," Rei said before turning to the office door. "You may come in."
On that cue, the door opened and three Rei clones entered, making the author's eyes widen a bit with surprise. Each clone had a different expression on their face that greatly contrasted with that of the main Rei. One had a very sneaky, very sly grin; another looked very meek and seemed as if she'd flinch at anything at the drop of a hat; and the third had her brows furrowed, looking as if she was ready to verbally dish out some punishment to someone.
"Hi!" said the grinning one. "How's it going? Writin' up a storm? Or did someone drop a writer's block on your head?" She then giggled cheekily.
"H-h-hello..." said the meek one. "We-we hope y-you'll g-give Rei's proposal some th-thought..."
"*Grumble grumble*" said the third one. "Trust me when I say, you DON'T wanna see how well I take rejection." She then cracked her knuckles.
A sweatdrop emerged next to the author's head. Rei then cleared her throat.
"Allow me to introduce you," Rei offered as she pointed to the first lookalike. "As 'mischievous me', Sarah Silverman." The grinning one waved while she chuckled over some implied joke. "As 'nervous me', Kate Micucci." The meek one gave the author a small, polite wave. "And as 'irate me', Rachel Bloom." The surly one, arms folded in front of her, merely 'hmph'd' and turned her head.
The author scratched his head for a moment before he spoke. "Tell you what," he offered, "leave a script with my assistant and I'll go over it, and then I'll get back to you."
"That is acceptable," Rei replied as she turned to the three lookalikes. "I believe we can 'take five', girls." With that, the quartet of identical bluenettes left the office. The author, once the coast was clear, then looked in our direction.
"I gotta start hanging a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on my door," he said as he shook his head, returning to his notes.