Chapter XXVI

It was still dark outside when Anna suddenly opened her eyes, drenched in sweat, for the fourth time that night. This time John did not wake up with her to calm her down from her nightmare, and she panicked when she felt a strong arm holding her down.

She was just about to push it away when she remembered it wasn't Green holding her, it was John. She wasn't at her own place, where that filthy excuse for a man had almost raped her. She was lying in bed with the man who had saved her - a good man, the man she was in love with.

Relaxing back into his hold, she turned her head to look at him. He was still sound asleep, poor thing. She had woken up, kicking and screaming for help, three times during the night and every single time John had managed to calm her down to the point that she had felt safe enough to fell asleep again.

God, he really was handsome, she thought, as her eyes drifted from his slightly open mouth to his bruised upper lip, his nose, and long eyelashes. She could feel his warm feet next to hers, his front practically glued to her hip and his hand resting on her belly, holding her close, protecting her from the world outside their warm cocoon. She felt safe and, even though he had never said it, she felt loved.

The last thing she wanted to do right now was to leave his embrace, but she had to use the loo. Gently removing John's hand, she slipped out of bed and out of the room.

xXx

''Anna?'' John called softly, when he woke up 20 minutes later and discovered she wasn't lying next to him. Checking the time on his phone, he saw that he had over twenty messages and missed calls from both Mr. Moretti and Thomas, but right now that didn't matter to him. Getting out of bed, he walked into the hall and made his way towards the kitchen. The tiles felt cold under his bare feet, but that was nothing compare to the chill that washed over his entire body when he called her name again and there was still no answer.

''Anna?'' he tried again, as he popped his head into the sitting room and finally exhaled in relief when he saw her safely curled up on his couch, sleeping peacefully.

Thank god, John thought, as he walked towards her, pulling a blanket from the back of an armchair on his way. As he reached her, he covered her with the blanket as gently as possible, then almost jumped out of his skin when something suddenly brushed against his leg.

''Mer, for god's sake!''

''J-John?''

''Oh, god, I'm so sorry!'' he said, when he realized that his reaction to the kitten had woken Anna up.

''No, it's OK.'' Anna replied, and sat up, pulling her legs close to her body, making space for him to sit down next to her.

''Uh…did I do something wrong? During the night, I mean,'' he asked carefully.

''What? No, no.'' Shaking her head, she pulled herself closer to him so she could rest her head on his shoulder. Without hesitating, John wrapped his arm around her, tucking the edges of the blanket around her frame at the same time.

''I just woke up again and needed the loo. And I wanted you to get some sleep without me…''

''Anna…I was glad to be there,'' he reassured her softly, when he realized what she was saying. Her nightmares had woken him several times during the night, but he'd been grateful to be able to comfort her.

''Thank you.'' She snuggled further into his embrace. He felt so warm and inviting, his body heat making her feel secure. ''You made me feel safe when I…''

''I'm here…it's OK,'' he whispered, when her voice started cracking. He hated seeing her like this. I hope you burn in hell, Green, he thought to himself.

''Aaaah…'' she gasped, wincing when John's fingers dug into her side as he pulled her closer.

''What? What's wrong?'' John froze, afraid he had hurt her in some way.

''Nothing, it's just…I'm covered in bruises…'' Anna admitted. She had discovered even more of them on her body when she had been in the bathroom, and it had made her stomach turn to look down at her ribs, arms and legs, even her neck, turning black and blue because of that man's brutal hold.

''Oh, god, Anna,'' John barely whispered, feeling tears pricking his eyes.

''I'm all right…or I will be.'' She looked up at him. ''I refuse to be a victim. I won't let him win. I can't let him win.''

''This is all my fault. I knew him. I knew what kind of man he was, and I still agreed to work with him. I let him be near you, all of you. And what for? A few pounds? My god!''

''No, John - this is not your doing. You're not to blame, and neither am I.''

''I wasn't…'' The last thing John wanted was for Anna to think he was blaming her for what Green had done to her.

''I know.'' Anna calmed him with her hand on his chest. There was just the thin layer of his cotton t-shirt between her fingertips and his body. He felt so warm, and she could not help but lightly brush her fingers up and down, before resting her cheek on his chest, giving John enough space so he could rest his chin on the top of her head.

John inhaled deeply. Her hair smelt like his shampoo, and it made him feel like she belonged to him in some small way.

God, he had screwed up so badly, he thought. He shouldn't have pushed Anna away when she had kissed him. He should have pulled her closer and let her deepen that kiss, made love to her right there in his office, first on the couch and then while they shared a shower in his office bathroom. He should have taken her out to breakfast the next morning and spent the whole day with her, and then made love to her again in the evening. He should have been there with Anna, instead of sleeping with Vera in a panic because he was afraid of living.

''I had a son,'' John blurted out suddenly. He was done playing games. If there was a chance to start his life over again with the amazing woman in his arms, he needed to start being honest - with himself and with her. For a moment he thought Anna had fallen asleep again, as she did not react to his words.

''What happened?'' she finally whispered, dreading what he would say.

''H-he died.'' He had to force himself to say the words out loud. After all these years it was still hard to talk about it.

''John…'' She shifted away from him so she could see his face. ''…I...I'm so sorry.'' She had no idea what to say. What can you say to a parent who has lost a child?

''Thank you.''

''Do you mind if I ask how?'' she asked carefully, not wanting to put him in uncomfortable position.

''H-he was stillborn. He was almost full term, but there was something wrong with the placenta and…'' John began, his voice on the verge of breaking. But he had to do this. He had to tell her everything, because she needed to know. ''Everything was perfectly fine. He was active and moving, Vera was feeling great, and then one morning… They ended up doing a c-section and tried everything to save him, but it was too late and…we lost him.''

''John…'' Anna threw her arms around him as tears rolled down his face.

''I'm sorry, I just…'' he mumbled into her shoulder. ''I shouldn't, not when you've been through your own hell less than a day ago... This is wrong…I'm so sorry.''

If he'd known how was he going to react, he would have kept his mouth shut. The last thing he wanted was for Anna to think he didn't care about what had happened to her.

''It's all right.'' She wanted to hear him out. He was finally opening himself up to her, and it felt good to forget about what she had been through for a few moments.

''But it's not.'' He moved away and looked at her and - for the very first time, without any doubt or hesitation - finally told her, ''I love you, Anna. You're smart and funny and beautiful, inside and out. You have a heart the size of an ocean and, even though I'm scared down to my bones, I need you to know that I am so in love with you it almost hurts.''

He had to stop for breath, but did not give her time to react to what he'd just said. ''And I'm sorry for treating you the way I did all this time. I've already lost so much in my life, and I was afraid of opening myself up to that kind of pain again. If I let myself love you, then I could lose you…it was too much for me.''

Fresh tears started to run down his cheeks, but he didn't seem to notice. ''I tried so hard to protect myself from the way you were making me feel by pushing you away. I pushed and pushed, but in the end I almost lost you anyway. I could have lost you to that piece of shit yesterday…and you weren't even mine to lose! Good God, Anna!'' He touched her cheek gently.

''I almost lost you without even telling you how much you mean to me! How much you make my life better, without even realising it… How much I love you…because I do - so much! I love you! I LOVE you! I LOVE YO-…!'' Suddenly her lips were on his with such force that he almost lost his balance.

It took him just half a second to kiss her back with so much passion and devotion that Anna's heart almost could not take it. Cupping his face, she held him close as she sucked and bit his lower lip and then finally made him open his mouth for her. He could not help but moan when her tongue met his for the very first time.

Pulling herself up, she straddled him and pulled his body flush with hers. His hands flew onto her bum and held her so close that it felt like they were almost one person. In the next moment Anna's right hand travelled down his face and neck, over his chest and without any hesitation made its way under his t-shirt.

John buried his left hand in her hair and let his right hand drift down her back and up again, trying to be as gentle as possible, not wanting to cause her any more pain.

When she ground down on him wildly a couple of times, John knew he had to slow them down. She was already making him feel too good to be true, and this wasn't the right time for what his body was starting to feel.

''An-, Anna-…'' he began, but it was as if she couldn't hear him. She just kept kissing him, not letting go of him for a second.

John was overwhelmed with the urge to push her down onto the couch, so he could rest himself between her legs, enjoying the feel of her limbs wrapped around his body, but he did not want her to feel trapped. Especially not after what had happened with Green. God! She had almost been raped, and here he was running his hands all over her like some hormonal school boy.

''Anna…'' he tried again, and this time she heard him. She let go of his reddened lips and stared at him, gasping for air.

''Are you all right?'' he asked breathlessly, when she just kept staring at him silently. For a second John feared he had overstepped, but her face broke into a grin, telling him the opposite. Her cheeks were flushed, her hair all out of place, and she looked absolutely adorable still wearing his oversized hoodie.

''Yeah…'' she finally said. ''I'm sorry…I just…you love me?'' She could tell that he wasn't messing with her. He was serious, and she believed him without a single doubt. But she wanted him to say it again. This whole thing was surreal, especially after everything that had happened between them over the last couple of months.

''I do. Very much so.''

''Say it again.''

John chuckled. ''I love you.''

''I love you, too,'' she gasped, and John could not do anything but smile back at her. He was afraid that it might all be too much for her. She had just survived something that nobody should ever be forced to go through, and here he was, spilling his guts out. The last thing he wanted to do was to make this about his problems and fears, rather than hers.

''And I'm so thankful you came by my flat yesterday. I really am.'' She took his hand and place a gentle kiss on his bandaged knuckles.

Guilt. That was what washed over John right at that moment, guilt…and shame. Especially shame. He had slept with his wife just a day ago and here he was now, on the couch with the woman he was madly in love with. How in the world was he going to explain that to her?

''Anna, about yesterday…''

''Yes?''

''It was actually Vera who made me stop by your place.'' He was shaking on the inside, but somehow found the courage to speak. He knew this new bond could end before it had even begun, but he could not start their relationship in dishonesty.

''Oh?'' Anna looked at him. She could sense that he was worried about something, but to be honest she didn't give a damn who had sent him to her. The important thing was that he had come and literally saved her from that bastard.

''I…''

''No, no,'' she shook her head. ''I don't want to know.''

''Anna, please - Vera and I…''

''No, John…'' She cupped his face gently. ''…I don't care, do you understand? You are here with me now, and I could not care less about what you did before that.''

''But I have to…''

''No, you don't,'' Anna said firmly. ''What matters right now is us. Not Vera, not Green. Us.''

Us. It felt so unbelievably good to hear her say that.

''All right, if that's how you truly feel. But I'm sorry I treated you the way I did all these months. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you about David before, but…''

''David…'' Anna smiled gently.

''Yeah…'' John returned her smile. ''David James.'' It felt wonderful to finally be able to talk with her about his son.

''Is he the reason you spend your Mondays in York?''

''Yes. It was a way of coping with what happened,'' he admitted. ''Still is.'' He wanted her to know that he was still broken, still doing his best to stay sane.

''You don't have to apologise for anything, John. You had your reasons for not telling me - or anybody, for that matter - and I could never blame you for that.''

''Thank you.'' He pulled her into a hug, and they shared a comfortable silence.

''I can't believe Green's dead. Just like that,'' she finally said.

''Yeah,'' John agreed. It felt wrong that Green would never have to answer for what he did, but it was also a relief that he was gone.

''But I'm glad he is. Does that make me a bad person? Saying that?'' she whispered into his chest, her face burning with shame.

''What?'' John lifted her face so he could look at her directly. ''Anna, no. You are one of the very best people I know. He did something terrible, and you being glad he's gone...it's natural. It doesn't make you bad. It makes you human. And that's all right.''

''Thank you,'' she smiled weakly. ''For everything, I mean. Not just saving me. It really means a lot for you to tell me about David.'' She cupped his cheeks in her hands, looking into his beautiful, soft hazel eyes.

Without answering, John pulled his hand from her arm, pulled a strand of her hair away from her face and tucked it gently behind her ear.

''May I run you a warm bubble bath?'' he whispered, when he noticed the dark, mottled finger marks on the side of her neck.

''That sounds lovely. But first I need you to kiss me again.'' The tenderness in his voice had almost made her cry. Good god, he was such a good person, even better than she had thought. She had seen his soft side more than once, but this? The way he was looking at her, not as something broken because of what had happened to her, but as a strong, brave, intelligent woman who was full of life and worthy of love… She blinked to hold back the tears.

Without replying, John's lips quickly found hers. Gently sucking on her lower lip, he gave her the opportunity to take the lead, and she did.

Pressing herself further into his body, she boldly returned the kiss. They took their time, enjoying and learning what felt good for them. And before John knew it, Anna slipped her tongue between his lips, slowing building a rhythm that made John's insides flip with excitement. She tasted incredibly good, smelt even better, and he wished they could stay like this for ever - no worries, no fears, just them.

She ended their kiss when her stomach made a rumbling noise. She could not remember when she had last eaten anything.

''Sorry,'' she smiled sheepishly.

''Hungry?'' John chuckled, as she buried her face in his neck, laughing.

''Just a little.''

''All right, Smith, let's go.'' He stood up with her still in his embrace. ''I'm going to run you a warm bath, and then make you the best breakfast you've ever had.'' He beamed at her, and then walked her down the hall toward the guest room, her arms still wrapped around him, holding tight.

aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAA we are back! and with a very important chapter too! I can only hope you are still interested in this! and that you are all healthy and safe! keep washing your hands and for the love of god keep wearing your masks! :)

my wonderfullllll beta: ANNAMBATES! XOXOXOXO