30 March 2019
DING DONG! DING DONG! DING DONG!
"Wakey wakey! Eggs & ba~key!" Klaus sang, ringing Mom's golden meal bell as he roamed the halls of his childhood home early the next morning, feeling much better than he had the previous day. Of course, that wasn't hard. "Rise and shine, you little shits! Time for break~fast!"
Skipping down the hall with bell in hand, Klaus moved from empty room to empty room, peering in through open doors as he searched for his family members. Five had been relatively easy to wake, despite his dance with death the night before, which had left him passed out in bed with an IV line inserted into his forearm and a patch of gauze taped to his side. Luther had been a little harder to rouse do to his sleeping partner and the almighty hangover he was no doubt suffering from; but he'd been good fun to tease as per usual. The last person he'd come across was his nephew, Theodore fast asleep in the bathtub.
One soapy leg had been propped up on the lip of the clawed bath whilst his left arm draped over the other side and head tilted back against the rim. Large mounds of soapy bubbles blanketed the surface of the cooling water and decorated his chin like a Tutankhamen goatee. The cellphone nestled amongst the folds of the embroidered towel on the counter, faded from Prince's Raspberry Beret to Simon & Garfunkel's Mrs Robinson as Klaus padded into the bathroom.
DING DONG! DING DONG! DING DONG!
At first, he could've sworn that Theodore was dead since he didn't so much as twitch when he pranced into the bathroom and noisily shook the golden bell in his ear. That was if he didn't count the window-rattling snores that fell from his nephew's lips as he slept in a rather awkward position. "Rise & shine sleepy~head!" Klaus sang, shaking his nephew's soapy shoulder with one hand and ringing the bell in the other.
"Gräner var…!" Theodore grumbled, swatting at his uncle as he turned over. Which would have been totally fine had said nephew not subconsciously accessed his telekinesis and sent said perky uncle flying back down the hall where he collapsed onto the perfectly placed old love seat just sitting there at the end of the hallway.
"What just happened?" Klaus groaned, naturally turning to ask Ben, who for once was not by his side but instead remained languishing atop the toilet lid with book in hand.
"Hurk!" Theodore coughed and spluttered as he shot up from the soapy water. As it turned out, when his nephew had rolled over in his sleep, his head had slipped from the rim of the bathtub and back under the water.
"Nice swim, Teddy bear?" Klaus grinned as he padded back into the tiled bathroom to find his nephew hunched over and coughing his lungs up.
"Un—uncle?" Theodore coughed, his freckled cheeks painted red as he eventually regained his breath. "What is it?"
"Oh—oh! Important family business!" Klaus replied, rocking on his feet as he answered. "Meet me in the kitchen, okay? And Theodore—" He used the bell to gesture and make his point. "—No dilly-dallying! Chop, chop!"
Theodore just yawned widely and wiped the soap out of his eyes in response.
"Here we go!" Klaus sang—having used the last dregs of the coffee ground he'd snagged from the corner store earlier in the week—poured the coffee from the plunger into (the very hungover) Luther's cup. "This'll fix ya right up!"
"Jesus!" Five cursed, having snatched Luther's cup from his hands and gulped down the coffee inside as he slumped into the seat next to his hungover brother. It was a little odd seeing him in the Umbrella Academy pyjamas—the blue ones they had worn as kids—it was like he had never left. "Who do I gotta kill to get a decent cuppa coffee?"
"Can we get started please?" Luther pleaded, looking like he wanted nothing more than to curl back up and go to sleep.
"Anyone see any of the others?" Klaus asked, stalling for time. "Diego? Allison? Theodore?"
As if summoned from the depths of the house, Theodore tiredly shuffled into the room wearing naught but a pair of pink camouflage-patterned sweat pants that slouched around his legs. His previously wet curls had been dried and now flopped around his tired face in fluffy curls as he scratched absentmindedly at his bare scarred chest. Moving like a zombie, the teen grunted a greeting and made his way over to the fridge to look for breakfast.
When he turned around, Klaus sucked in a breath when he caught sight of the abnormal scarring tucked firmly between his shoulder blades. The small gasp from next him let him know that at least Ben had noticed the scarring as well. The texture of the scar looked to have been the after-effects of a burn or some kind of branding—for that's what it clearly was—like the kind you'd see on cattle. The pattern itself was odd; it was a perfectly circular shape that intertwined with one another and reminded Klaus of a four-way Celtic knot—it almost seemed to emanate the image of a stamp. There were other little scars too that decorated his nephew, most of them small or insignificant but it made him wonder just how he had gotten them—there was no way that Vanya would have done that, so how? Klaus could only watch with wide eyes and racing mind as Theodore retreated from the fridge with a bowl of mixed berries in hand and tiredly flopped into a spare chair, happily sighing when he popped and cracked his back as he did so.
"What?" Theodore grumbled, feeling all eyes turn to him as he tucked his feet under him and began to pluck berries from the bowl in front of him. The events of the last couple of days had seemingly finally caught up with the teen and he wanted nothing more than to sleep the day away. A quick glance over at Uncle Luther showed that he shared that sentiment.
"What's with the scar?" Uncle Five nodded towards his back, asking the question that seemed to be burning on all of their tongues. Theodore found that when he was as tired as he was, the filter between brain and mouth seemed to fall away. Just as it did today.
"We all got 'em" Theodore muttered plopping a blueberry on his tongue.
"All?"
"E'eryone gets a House brand" He propped his elbow up on the arm of his chair and leant his head against his palm as his eyes slid shut once more. "Dunno why—ask the Entity"
"Er…"
"Hey, hey!" Uncle Klaus banged his spatula against the wooden table in an effort to rouse the sleepy teen. "Wakey! Wakey! This is important!"
"I'm up! I'm up!" Theodore groused, blearily peeling an eye open and rolling it over to Uncle Klaus who was being annoyingly perky so early in the morning.
"All right, then this is as close to a quorum as we're gonna get" Uncle Klaus continued, banging his spatula against the tabletop to wake everyone & get them to listen. "Now listen up, there's no easy way to say this so I'm just gonna spit it out"
"…" Theodore furrowed his brows at the buzzing in his ear as his eyes briefly shifted from Uncle Klaus to the empty chair next to him.
"Yeah…"
"…Klaus!" Uncle Luther snapped, pulling Uncle Klaus from his thoughts.
"I conjured Dad last night"
There was a beat of silence as the admission settled in. For Theodore it didn't seem like a huge deal—wasn't that kind of his deal? But for Uncle Luther & Uncle Five it looked like their worlds had come crashing down around them. Uncle Five reached for the cup of coffee in front of him and Uncle Luther finally stared Uncle Klaus dead in the eye as he demanded answers. "…I thought you said you haven't been able to injure anyone in years?" Uncle Luther questioned.
"Yes, I know" Uncle Klaus agreed. "But I'm sober! Ta~da! I got clean—yesterday—to talk to someone…special and then ended up having this conversation with dear old Daddy himself"
"…Has anyone got some aspirin?" Uncle Luther dismissed with a sigh, turning to leave as Theodore's eyes slid shut once more.
"Top shelf, next to the crackers" Uncle Five swiftly replied.
"Hey, hey, hey! Guys! This is serious!" Uncle Klaus protested. "Alright? This really happened! I swear!"
"Okay, fine" Uncle Five sighed, "I'll bite. What did the old man have to say?"
"Well, he gave me the usual lecture about my appearance and my failures in life, yada yada yada, no surprise there—even the afterlife couldn't soften a hard ass like Dad, right? But he did mention something about his murder or lack thereof because…"
"…" Again the buzzing sounded, but this time Theodore just tiredly swatted towards the noise, hoping that it would go away.
"…He killed himself"
" 'S at all?" Theodore muttered quietly as he shifted trying find a more comfortable position.
"What do you mean 'is that all?" Uncle Klaus turned indignantly to his tired nephew.
"People die e'eryday—they get old & fuck off" He gestured with his free hand by way of explanation, "What's different 'ere? Mama said you hated 'im anyway. Innit he bad?"
"Bad?" Uncle Five repeated, whilst Uncle Luther was seemingly still stuck on the whole 'Dad suicide' thing.
"That's what Mama said"
"Well, she's not wrong…" Uncle Klaus agreed.
"See? That's why we got rules"
"Rules?" Again it was Uncle Five who pursued.
"Not safe—gotta have rules 'til it's safe"
"Safe? Safe from what?"
"Grandfather"
"…Again, not wrong" Uncle Klaus agreed as Uncle Five sucked in a hissed breath at the admission. Not that he could reasonably deny the accusations.
"…I swear to God, Klaus, you better not be playing games!" Uncle Luther demanded as he apparently became unstuck from his shock and rose from his chair.
"No, no, no, I'm telling you the truth, Luther! I'm telling the truth!" Uncle Klaus protested as the conversation easily switched back to Grandfather's supposed suicide.
"Why'd he do it then?" Uncle Five pursued, sparing only a single glance towards his nephew across the table before turning back to his brother.
"It was the only way to get us all home again" Uncle Klaus replied, mockingly repeating the same words his father had said to him.
"No, Dad wouldn't just kill himself!" Uncle Luther denied.
"Eh, you said it yourself—he was depressed" Uncle Five reminded him. "Holed up in his office and room all day & night"
"No, there weren't any signs—suicidal people exhibit certain tendencies, strange behaviours—"
"—Like sending someone to the moon for no reason?" Uncle Klaus cut in, throwing back his own words in his face.
"I swear to God Klaus, if you're lying—!"
"—I'm NOT! I'm not!"
"Master Klaus is correct" Gruncle Pogo settled the argument as he appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, hunched over his cane. Theodore tiredly peeled his eyes open at the ape's entrance and turned to look at him as he shuffled inside. "Regretfully, I helped Master Hargreeves enact his plan"
"What…?" Uncle Luther breathed in shock.
"So did Grace" Gruncle Pogo continued on with emotion making his voice thick and heavy, "It was a difficult choice for both of us…more difficult than you could ever know. Prior to your father's death, Grace's programming was adjusted so that she was incapable of administering first-aid on that fateful night"
"Sick bastard!" Uncle Five cursed. Theodore was unsure if he meant Grandfather or Gruncle or both.
"So the security tape we saw…?" Uncle Luther queried.
"It was meant to further the murder mystery. Your father hoped that being back here, solving it together would reignite your desire to be a team again"
"To what end?" Uncle Five puzzled.
"To save the world, of course" Gruncle stated as if it were obvious.
"He! Hehe Alright!" Uncle Klaus giggled hysterically as he leant against the table, seemingly bowed by the weight of the confession.
"First the moon mission and now this" Uncle Luther groused. "You watched me search for answers and said nothing. Anything else you wanna share, Pogo? Any other damn secrets?!"
"Hey—!'
"Calm down!" Chorused Uncles Five & Klaus.
"No I won't calm down! We've been lied to by the one person in this family that we all trusted!"
"It was your father's dying wish, Master Luther, I—I had no choice!" Gruncle pleaded.
"There's always a choice!" Uncle Luther rebutted before storming off to sulk in the depths of the house. Gruncle seemed to sink lower at his words.
"Uh…I gotta think" Uncle Five sighed, running his hands over his face and through his hair before he teleported away.
The kitchen fell into uncomfortable silence as Uncle Klaus sunk into an empty chair and Gruncle Pogo remained standing in the doorway, unable to decide if he wanted to leave or not. After a beat of silence Theodore spoke up, the Loric falling from his lips with a naturalness that was usually reserved for Loren. "Did y'know it's been about 60 years since the fall of Lorien? It's kinda cool that earth ends the same as her sister planet…"
"In English Teddy bear" Uncle Klaus asked.
"Lorien go boom & Earth go boom" Theodore simplified, in much the same manner that Uncle Five often talked to everyone else.
"That's one way to put it, Master Theodore" Gruncle Pogo replied, his Loric accented by thick and heavy tones.
"You know Loric, Gruncle?" Theodore's head snapped up towards the ape-man as he ignored the confused expressions of Uncle Klaus who watched the two like it was a tennis match.
"Only in passing" Gruncle replied, this time switching back to English. "It's a beautiful language"
"A beautiful language for a beautiful people" Theodore agreed, sharing a small smile with the ape. "Hey, did y'know that 'taniver' is Loric for 'empty orchestra'? Isn't that hauntingly beautiful?"
"Indeed"
"I think my favourite's gotta be 'tero', though"
"And why's that?"
"It's like saying 'see you soon', so much better than saying 'goodbye' "
"You okay there, Teddy?" Uncle Klaus leant forward as his nephew's words turned towards the philosophical.
"Mama said we were gonna go bowling for my birthday, but now the world's gonna explode!" Theodore whined, turning to his uncle as Gruncle Pogo chose that moment to shuffle away.
"Well, when's your birthday?"
"The first of April"
"Your birthday's on April Fools?"
"Yeah & consequently doomsday"
"Oh"
"Yeah, it's like 'happy birthday!' BOOM!" Theodore gestured with his hands before resting his head back onto his palm. "It's not fair!"
"Well, how old are you turning?" Uncle Klaus blinked dumbly, trying to steer the conversation away from that depressing notion.
"Seventeen…" Theodore murmured as his eyes slid shut once more and he finally gave in to the warm arms of sleep.