phoenix: It only gets worse mwahaha,

Whitebeard sat on his bed as the nurses came in, along with Amy, to stand inside, door closed behind them, only the higher ups, including the nurses, were ever allowed in the room (besides once with the three youngest of his sons).

"We did the tests and Whiskey came up with another theory," Tami said, getting right to the point. Whiskey looked at her clipboard and started from the top, reading all of the results and findings while testing Luffy's mobility for his limbs. The captain didn't know whether to feel relieved or disappointed.

"I believe it has something to do with his devil fruit. Amy agrees with that, since she's been around a logia before. One that had sea stone in her body from shrapnel, and once it was removed, she had trouble walking again. Luffy didn't have any sea stone inside of him and it wouldn't work anyway, but its the same as the other logia, whose body was not used to the power after being off for awhile."

"How long did it take for her to get better?" Whitebeard questioned, never knowing this about logias. Probably because they'd never had one before.

"It took Monet a couple hours to recover fully, but she was only in trouble for under an hour. Luffy was under for over three days. And we still don't know why his powers had shut off, so that might be a problem in the future, but we're dealing with the present problems first. We'll do what we can if more problems arrive, but for now we're giving him physical therapy multiple times a week, and a wheelchair to get around the ship while he can't walk properly."

Whitebeard sighed sadly. Something was always wrong with him lately. Damn marines kept hurting this young child. It was sickening and made him and the rest of the crew furious with how disgusting and immoral the government and marines were.

"He… he said the saddest thing I've ever heard when he found out something was wrong with him," Tami mumbled, face falling while remembering those words. "He told his bothers, in the most broken voice, that he didn't want to be sick anymore."

Whiskey looked emotional as well. It had affected her, no matter how stoic she was when treating patients who were not going to make it. They always went out with pride or satisfaction with their lives. Most of the time, they died while protecting someone else, and the nurses were used to strong men either faking it or truly passing away with pride. Luffy showed none of that, and it just reminded the nurses with how fragile someone could be, mentaly and emotionally, from an injury.

Whitebeard frowned deeply, not having such a fragile son in a couple years. But, they would do everything they could to help him and make the young child like living here, liked living in general. He knew how hard injuries could be for some, but as long as he had Ace and Sabo with him, Luffy would be alright.

-x-

Luffy's postponed appointment with Wendy wasn't a happy one. Not when he could barely respond with anything but crying, hunched over in his new wheelchair. It was comfortable, but made him feel weak and a burden and useless. He couldn't fight like this, or protect anyone. He cried about how sick he was of having things wrong with him. He'd kept himself from letting go when Ace and Sabo were there, not wanting to upset them. But he couldn't hold it back anymore.

Wendy couldn't get anything through to him, and did something she'd never done with one of her patients before; she hugged him. Carefully took him out of the wheelchair, even though having his limbs touched didn't hurt. Only attempting to exert them caused discomfort. He continued to cry, even as she shushed him.

"You are not useless, you've saved us and protected the ship multiple times. It's just time for you to have a much-needed and well-deserved break. To focus on yourself and healing. You're brothers are strong and getting stronger every day. You don't need to worry about them. You need to trust us, that we will protect them when they can't protect themselves in your stead," Wendy said softly, stroking Luffy's hair as he was limp in her arms except for the shaking from his crying. He was unable to hug her back, and he might not have even if he could.

Once Luffy was calm, Wendy ended the visit once he was done crying and wouldn't talk about anything else, face red in embarrassment. Wendy wheeled him out of the room and to his brothers. Luffy did his best to not show he had been crying, and Wendy didn't mention it either. After all, even if they didn't know Luffy was crying, his brothers would still be there for him.

A couple of times so far while going around the ship with Luffy, one of the brothers would sit in the chair with Luffy in their lap. They were both strong enough to easily push the wheelchair around.

Luffy had physical therapy that day, a couple hours after the counseling visit. It was incredibly boring and frustrating, but he was glad Ace and Sabo weren't inside to see him so weak. Even though he was the youngest, he had always been the strongest. Clearly, not anymore. At least, not emotionally.

Part of him missed the old him, he'd almost never cried, or gotten emotional. But, he didn't want to be "bad" again. The physical therapy was his standing between Whiskey and Tami, who were holding his arms, since he couldn't hold onto the railings that were on either side of him. His arms weren't strong enough to do it himself.

They were nice and didn't say anything, letting him focus just on the task at hand, even though part of him was in silent, emotional turmoil. They did the walking for only twenty minutes and took a long break for Luffy to eat something before heading to the arm exercises, which were even more boring than the walking.

His arm was on a table, and they were going to work on making his joints stronger. It included bending and straightening his arm while one of the two were putting pressure on the area since he couldn't use his other arm to do it himself.

By the end, he was embarrassingly tired. "Physical therapy is tiring, so don't feel embarrassed if you take a nap after this. You did well for the first session. We'll do one three times a week, with one day in between each one to give you rest," Whiskey explained. Luffy was helped to walk to the wheelchair, and was taken back into the main infirmary, feeling stupid and weak.

Luffy didn't seem to be grasping the significance of what he'd done. He was too caught up in his own feelings that he didn't really accept that he'd saved the ship and people on it. No matter how many times someone told him this, he was so internalized at the moment that he didn't process it. He couldn't understand it, and just wanted to be whatever form of normal he could be.

While he laid in the hospital bed at night, looking at the ceiling, since it was hard to stay asleep after the bath treatment wore off lately, he realized that he would never be normal. Not how he wanted to be. The boy tried coming to terms with that, he really did. He wouldn't ever be like a normal little kid.

He would always carry the weight of his past, the trauma from any and all of the scary events that had happened, or his injuries. He worried his brothers would leave him if he got too weak or too dependent. And he'd just been welcomed on the ship when he was now unable to walk and barely able to bring a spoon or fork to his mouth.

Useless…

-x-

The Whitebeard pirates could tell Luffy was not in a good place. Probably in a worse place than he was before. He had circles under his eyes for the last week, even though he was taking a bath every night before going to bed in that damn infirmary, which would always be that, no matter how spruced up and homey the pirates tried to make his area.

They saw his dead eyes, the way his shoulders sagged in the wheelchair, the way he'd stare out at the ocean for hours at a time when his brothers were trying to get strong enough so Luffy didn't need to do things on his own or protect them.

Luffy was only eight. Someone his age shouldn't be carrying the burdens he carried. The pirates tried to cheer him up, let him know how much they appreciated him and what he'd done since arriving. They apologized, too, for being unable to fight for their lives and depending on Luffy's amazing power.

No matter what anyone said, he seemed to have this bubble of misery around him that bounced anything positive off of it. Marco was positive Luffy didn't believe he'd done anything special, he hadn't meant to. It was an accident, no matter how helpful it was. He thought he was a burden, and useless.

Every day, the pirates watched as his brothers deteriorated with him, hating that they couldn't cheer him up or help him heal. They could only be there with him when they were allowed, as no distractions were allowed during physical therapy. He came out of that upset every time. Even though Whiskey praised his determination, he kept getting reprimanded at the same time for pushing himself too much.

Everyone hated the situation with all their hearts. It was hard to watch, very hard. He didn't even eat with enthusiasm, even when he was given his favorite foods. Probably because it was hard to lift the utensils, but he refused to have anyone else feed him. That was crossing the line, as being in the wheelchair and unable to wheel it himself was already too much help in his eyes.

Whitebeard was probably in the most pain out of the pirates. He'd always been there for his sons, through any sort of recovery, and they felt their father's support and love every time. But, those were also pirates who'd been with him a long time, or at least long enough to know the extent of the captain's care of them.

The boys joined only a few weeks ago. Officially, joined, that is. Luffy didn't voice it, but he didn't feel like the crew was his family yet. They were good friends and his saviors, but they weren't family. Not yet. He may call Whitebeard "Pops", but just calling someone that didn't mean you felt like a son.

The captain was unable to do anything to help. Right now, Luffy was lost and the only one who could bring him out of this depression was himself. As long as he hated himself, no one could make him feel any better. And the counseling didn't seem to be helping much. After the second visit, Luffy had stopped sharing anything with Wendy, even though he'd gotten much more talkative and honest with her over time. That seemed to have screeched to a halt.

Whiskey was hesitant to put Luffy on any medication for his depression because they hadn't tried anything beforehand, and didn't want more symptoms of medication to come. So, they could only trust Luffy and the love of those around him. And once he saw any sort of recovery, hopefully he would feel better.

No one looked down on Luffy for his current vulnerability, but he clearly looked down on himself. It was truly hard to watch.

-x-

Luffy stood in the middle of the infirmary, his brothers asleep and nurses busy. The physical therapy was taking too long. He would practice by himself, but he had to make sure he wasn't caught. He had his legs coated with the stick, like a brace covering his legs, knees not being bent as the black kept his legs trapped in being stiff.

His feet were like the black was elongated toes that helped him stay upright. He walked forward stiffly, not collapsing. He couldn't do anything about his arms, but he wanted to walk, damnit! Gradually, he reduced the stick until it was only wrapped around his knees. He wobbled, but before he fell, he shot the stick from his torso and hardened it to catch him.

He deemed it was good enough for the night, and walked back to bed, slowly and carefully. He climbed over the bed and between his brothers, and they didn't wake, emotionally exhausted along with Luffy. He knew it was his fault, but he didn't have the strength to even pretend he was alright.

When he woke up, no one knew about his late night practicing. No one knew he was going against what the nurses said. He'd always done things by himself, no one to care for him in his old life. He could heal himself by himself. He shouldn't need help, he shouldn't have become this weak.

Despite the new mentality of not needing help, Luffy did the physical therapy only because he didn't want anyone mad at him, not until he was showing results of his personal training. Everyone already knew he wasn't sleeping right, so the circles under his eyes were nothing new. No one knew about what he was doing, and it would stay that way for as long as possible.

Which, unfortunately, or fortunately, he was only night-time practicing for three days before he was caught. It wasn't by his brothers or the nurses. It was Marco. He'd walked into it, lit up by his flames to see better, when he saw someone standing in the middle of the room, a silhouette that was wobbly. He knew who it was by how small he was. Marco stomped over to him, and gently grabbed his shoulder.

"What the hell are you doing?" Marco had whispered, not wanting to cause a scene yet. The stick snapped back in place in surprise, but Marco caught him before he fell. Luffy was frightened of angry Marco, but he stared back defiantly.

"Practicing," Luffy replied. "I can do it myself. I've always done it by myself, I can do it by myself now, too," he said in a strong voice, despite the small wobble that was an undertone. Marco sighed, and picked up Luffy and took him outside into the dark hallway. Marco held him sturdy, and set both of them down on the floor against the wall.

"That may be true, you've always done things on your own. That's because there was no one there to help you when there should have been. You were a tool for them, and needed to be strong to carry out their will. But you're not there anymore. When will you accept our help? When will you believe us when we want to help you, or thank you, or appreciate your presence? We've helped you before, after Teach and the battle with the marines. What's changed since then?" Marco asked softly, almost begging for the answer.

"I wasn't completely useless then!" Luffy erupted. "I was hurting, but I wasn't useless. I could walk on my own, hold a stupid spoon and eat on my own. I didn't have to be helped into the bathroom, or carried everywhere or in a stupid wheelchair!"

Marco was glad the infirmary doors were shut and soundproof for patients who were in recovery and didn't need to hear loud sounds. "You are not useless. It's not shameful to need help, or ask for it. You've asked for help before, why can't you accept it now?"

"I already told you," Luffy said back, over his shouting.

"We took you into our family, we care about you," Marco pointed out emphatically. "Do you think we would invite someone we don't like? Shouldn't us helping you show that we care?" Marco was trying to understand why Luffy was so stubborn on this one, why he'd changed so much. He'd been injured there before, why not this time?

"You only care cause I helped you. And now I can't," Luffy grumbled. Marco was shocked, but knew deep down Luffy didn't feel that. He was in a bad place, and so he said negative things. Things he didn't mean. God, Marco hoped he didn't mean them.

"That is not true, Luffy," Marco said in a stern voice.

"You only helped me cause Teach was one of your crew members, and then I helped out with the marine fight, and then I helped with the buster call. That's all I am, I'm helpful. No one should care about me. I'm dragging everyone down," Luffy said harshly, though his voice got quieter the more he talked.

The words broke Marco's heart. He didn't know it was this bad. No one knew it was this bad, he'd been bottling up everything, trying to take care of himself by himself. Convinced that he was only worth something to be useful. Marco wanted to kill every single marine out there that had cause this boy to have such a horrible life.

"We would still care about you even if you hadn't helped us. Pops would still want to be your father, Thatch and Haruta would still bend backwards to make you happy and feel loved, I would still do anything I could to help you," Marco listed. Luffy's face didn't change, he wasn't believing a word Marco said.

"What can I do to help you?"

"Don't. I don't need help. I'm fine," Luffy responded, voice neutral and utterly void of any emotion.

"That's something no one on this ship can do. We will help you whether you want us to or not," Marco said, not planning on doing as Luffy wished. That wasn't how a family worked. "That's not how families work, we help each other no matter what."

"Maybe you made a mistake. You even said taking in Teach was a mistake, maybe taking me was a mistake, too. All I do is get hurt and cause trouble for everyone else. I have to take a bath every night so I don't kill myself or my brothers in my sleep. How is that not being a burden for everyone? You can't even drink like you want or I'll die from it," Luffy said. "I only forced Ace and Sabo to like me. They probably are tired of me, too. Or they will unless I get better. I have to get better as soon as possible. They'll say nice things to me, but that doesn't change that I ruined their lives. Trapped them with me. I was too stupid to even realize it would be better for them if they left me."

Luffy was now crying, his voice wobbly and choked. Marco picked the limp boy up and held him close, rocking back and forth. Marco didn't know if Luffy would hug back even if he could. "Your brothers love you for you. Being injured or 'useless' won't change that."

"Don't tell them I said that or they'll get mad or sad," Luffy ordered, though it was choked with tears, not exactly intimidating. Marco promised the conversation was between the two of them, and he wouldn't be telling anyone else, even the captain. Marco needed the trust of Luffy, and blabbing about this clear moment of weakness and hurt wouldn't help him in that.

"We will always help you. I'm not sorry, but we can't do that. We can't abandon you. Maybe we can't make you believe we love you, but that won't stop us from doing so," Marco said softly, running his fingers through Luffy's hair. "What can I do to help you?"

Marco thought he was going to tell him that he didn't need help again, but Luffy said something else. "Help me practice."

Marco didn't know what to do. He couldn't go against the nurses, they knew best, but he wanted to help Luffy in a way the boy would see as helpful.

"I will supervise the sessions and help you work your devil fruit powers to help as you were just doing. I won't go against what the nurses say, and help you at night without their permission. I may be the first mate, but I can't go against their decisions. But, I will help you help yourself. Like you want, only I'll be there to make sure nothing happens to you," Marco explained.

Luffy was quiet, probably considering what Marco had said to him. Marco added, "I can't control your devil fruit powers. Only you can, and that means using them will be helping yourself, correct?" The boy nodded.

"I'm going to bring you back to Ace and Sabo and go to bed. Get a good night's rest and we'll start tomorrow. You have physical therapy in the morning, and I'll make the change."

"You said you couldn't tell them what to do," Luffy pointed out, a hint of confusion in his voice.

"I can if it's to help their patients," Marco said. "More like forcefully persuade them. And, if necessary, I'll talk to Pops. But I won't give him the details of our conversation. And I won't tell anyone about your late night practicing as long as it stops."

Luffy nodded, and tried his best to stand up. Marco didn't carry him back into the room, but supported him under one arm, bent down since Luffy was so much shorter than him. When they entered the room, everyone was still asleep, and the man had to wonder just how exhausted the other two were that they didn't notice Luffy leaving the bed?