The Houses Competition.

House: Slytherin

Class: Stand-in Charms

Prompt(s): [Speech] "For the longest time, I wanted to be just like you."

Category: Standard

Word Count: 1183

Warnings: Mentions of Torture and Murder

Regulus tried to keep his head high as he walked through the halls of Hogwarts. He tried to pretend that he didn't feel like everyone that he passed could see straight through him, that they all knew what he had done. They didn't, but he did. He sat down at the Slytherin table, facing away from the Great Hall, and scooped some eggs onto his plate.

"Did you hear the news?" Rabastan said, sliding onto the bench beside him.

"No," Regulus said. He tried to ignore the way his throat tightened, even before he told the lie. Of course he had heard the news; Bellatrix had told him about it the week before.

Rabastan grinned. "Remember that mudblood that made her way onto the Wizengamot? Some Death Eaters broke into her house the night before last and tortured her and her family. They let her kids live because they're half-bloods, but they killed her husband for being a blood traitor."

Regulus could hear the barely concealed glee in his voice.

"I can't wait until I graduate and can join," Barty said from the other side of Rabastan.

If only they knew, he thought. It would have been a bitter thought, but he was glad they didn't know. They would praise him, tell him how jealous they were, ask to see it. That's why they couldn't know. For all his fears of people hating him, he was more afraid of people praising him. Except maybe…

No. He didn't care what Sirius or anyone else thought. A little voice in the back of his mind reminded him that that was a lie. Why else would he hide that he had joined from Rabastan and Barty? Why else could he feel the presence of every one of the hundreds of students and teachers casually eating breakfast behind him?

"You alright, Regulus?"

He looked up at Rabastan. "Of course," he said. "I didn't catch what you were just saying."

Rebastan looked confused. "I hadn't said anything."

Regulus blinked. "Oh," he said. "Maybe some fresh air would do me good." He stood up, ignoring Barty's protests that he'd hardly eaten anything.

It seemed to have gotten unbearably hot in the Great Hall. He slipped through the doors and started down the lawn to the lake. Very few people were out, despite it being a Saturday morning. A few first or second years were splashing in the shallows of the Black Lake. He took a deep breath, hoping the slightly chilly morning air would cool him down. It didn't.

One of the children screamed. He stumbled back, reaching for anything to ground himself. It wasn't the same. This scream was a scream of delight, it wasn't like that one at all. It was different, it wasn't…

Screams echoed through the hallways of the Death Eater headquarters, piercing Regulus' ears, mind, and soul. Still, he held his wand unwaveringly in front of him. He had to stay strong, he had to succeed. Failure would shame his family even more than Sirius' betrayal had.

He ended the spell and slowly lowered his wand. She—he didn't know who she was—lay gasping on the floor. He paused, trying to convince himself that it was to increase the dramatic tension and not to give himself a respite, however brief.

Regulus began to lift his wand again, but he stopped him with a wave of his hand.

"Kill her."

His heart leapt to his throat. He forced his hand not to tremble as he lifted it to point at her. He could feel all the eyes in the room on him.

She looked up, searching for mercy, silently begging to be let go.

I have no choice, he thought. "Ava—"

"Reg!"

Regulus jerked back to the present, gasping for breath.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?"

It took his mind a moment to realize that it was Sirius that had talked to him, and even longer for it to realize that Sirius' hand was around his upper arm. He stepped back, pulling his arm out of Sirius' grasp and quickly sliding a mask of anger over his fear.

"What do you want?" he hissed.

Worry was clear on Sirius' face. "I saw you leave the Great Hall. You looked…" He paused, seemingly at a loss for words. "I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Well, you've done it, now sod off." Regulus knew that approach wouldn't work, it never did with Sirius.

"You only say 'sod off' when you're struggling with something," Sirius retorted.

Regulus wanted to scoff, or laugh, or cry. He wanted to scream that Sirius had no idea. No idea what it was like to destroy yourself to try and help your parents heal from your brother's betrayal, only for it not to be enough. He wanted to scream at him to go be with his blood traitor friends, and leave Regulus to piece the Black family name together after his brother had run through it like a bull in a china shop. He wanted to scream that it wasn't right for Sirius to run away and leave him to take the brunt of their parents' grief. But he wouldn't, of course he wouldn't. What good would that do? It wouldn't lessen the betrayal; it wouldn't help piece together the family name; it wouldn't help his parents grieve. And what else did Regulus live for, but to accomplish those purposes?

"I'm sorry I left you," Sirius said.

This time, Regulus did scoff. Was that really what he thought this was about? Did he think he was upset because he left? Regardless of the pain it had caused, leaving was the best thing Sirius had ever done for the family name.

"I know it must be hard, facing them alone, suddenly carrying the weight of the family name. I understand—"

"No, you don't. You never knew the weight of the family name, you can never understand," Regulus said. "You wanna know how I feel? For the longest time, I wanted to be just like you. I looked at you and you looked carefree, and happy, and…" alive. "But then I realized. You weren't carefree, you were careless. You weren't happy, you were ignorant. You always have been, and I dare say you always will be. So no need to apologize for abandoning the family. You may have broken Mother's heart and dashed Father's dreams—" and made me give up my freedom to fix your mistakes "—but leaving was the first selfless thing you've ever done."

That worked, it always did. Sirius got the look that said he had let every word hit, just like Regulus had intended. His jaw clenched, and wordlessly, he turned and strutted back to the castle.

Regulus only watched him go for a moment before turning and walking to the nearest bench. He sat down and felt the wood underneath his hands, all but praying that it would be enough. Enough to keep him grounded in the present. Enough to help him separate his emotions and his imagination. Enough to chase away the ghost of the woman he had...