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Memory 4
Tiger-Raptor
By: Chat Agreste

Here we are again, Bugaboo!

I've been clawing over all the Akumas you can't remember to find some kind of pattern and I think I'm getting close. Based on our conversations, I only have two Akumas to tell you about this time. Stay pawsitive, LB, we'll figure this out.

Christmaster

This had to be the most festive Akuma fight ever, M'Lady. One day, in the middle of summer, it started to snow, the Eiffel Tower was magically redecorated into a Christmas tree, and giant children's toys invaded Paris! They were all searching for the same person: Santa Claus!

I found him first. Santa's sleigh was blasted out of the sky by fire breathing, flying catfish (I know there's a cat-pun in there somewhere) but I rescued him before he crashed. He was the same old jolly Saint Nick from the end of our last holiday adventure who spoke in rhymes. Unfortunately, he was also the same Saint Nick who was raring to skewer the naughty with his lance of mistletoe.

And, uh, well… you were at the top of Santa's Naughty List. (I want to point out that, to me, you are the most perfect, most cat-tastic person in the world and the only thing naughty about you is what your hips do to me) Turns out, saving Paris over and over isn't nice if you're also "forcing your friends to fight and constantly slapping the boy who defends you with all his might," as Santa put it (I personally enjoy your love taps). Because of this our saving of Santa Claus was spent mostly keeping him from turning you into a holly jolly shishkabob. You figured out the toys were tracking Santa through his scent, LB, so you stuck Santa's hat on me and sent me to throw them off our trail.

You would've been proud of me, Bugaboo. I led those toys on a wild cat chase around Paris and when they finally caught me, I managed to convince them that I was still Santa, just disguised as AdREDACTED Chat Noir. The evil toys took me up to the floating secret hideout of the Akuma Chistmaster! Amazingly, both Christmaster and Hawkmoth were convinced by my Santa act (I should look into becoming an actor) and demanded you hand over Chat Noir (the real Santa). Seeing your opportunity, you played up the whole "You've won, Hawkmoth" routine and gave them Santa.

When Christmaster tried to pull "Chat Noir's" ring off, all he found was a fist curled around a lance of mistletoe. We sat back and watched Santa Claus deal with the naughty villains using the Spirit of Christmas (that's what he calls his lance (Meow-ch!)). The day was saved and you put the city back together, but not before saying goodbye to Santa.

By the way, he vowed to make you pay for all your misdeeds next Christmas, so… be ready for that.

Startrain

I had decided it was high time to have a little vacation/catnap, M'Lady. A quick one-day trip to London seemed harmless enough. What were the odds that Hawkmoth would strike this particular day? Turns out, pretty high.

I happened (by complete coincidence and with no hidden meaning behind it) to board the same train as the class of my Number One Fan. What are the chances, right? I decided it was my superhero duty to check on the wellbeing of my Number One Fan. Of course, she didn't recognize me in my civilian form and was pretty tired, so I let her sleep on myREDACTED. I left her napping on the shoulder of her good friend Adrien Agreste.

My Number One Fan had the right idea and I decided to catch some Zs myself (I had this weird dream about something called a tiger-raptor (I think you were there, only you didn't have a mask and you were firing staples at me (did that happen?))). My nap was interrupted by the passengers crying about an Akuma being on board. My childhood frREDACTED Chloe (never met her) had to be held back from charging into the locked-off train car and crushing the evil thing (This was shortly after the whole telling Chloe she couldn't be Queen Bee anymore (she's been trying to find a healthy way to vent her… frustrations)).

Somehow the Akuma got to the front of the train and akumatized the conductor into Startrain! Before we knew it, the entire train had transformed and flew straight into space! I thought I'd have to face this villain on my own, but then you popped in using the teleportation powers of the Horse Miraculous (something was clearly bothering you but you wouldn't say what (I overheard you muttering something about a tiger-raptor (did you have the same dream?))). We made a plan to use Max's hacking skills to fight our way to the engine car and face Startrain.

We got about one car in before the aliens pulled our train over.

Over the intercom, we heard the aliens explain to Startrain how she'd steered our vessel into intergalactic space and you need a space permit to do that. Startrain shouted something about not going to space jail and put the train into full throttle. We were now in a space chase!

Startrain was desperate and it became clear she was going to try to lose them by flying us straight at a black hole (The ultimate game of Chicken!). But I wasn't worried. I knew you'd get us out of the mess and you did, Bugaboo. You armed Max with the Horse Miraculous and he became… actually, I don't think he ever gave himself a superhero name. Weird. Anyway, under your instruction, Max used his power, Voyage, to teleport onto the alien ship our ultimate weapon: Lila Rossi.

Now, I completely understand you and Lila have a rocky relationship, LB. She can be a handful, I know. But I really believe all she needs is a friend who can show her right from wrong. Lila can be helpful too. Granted, instead of convincing the aliens to let us go with her lying like you instructed, Lila instead convinced them that you and I were intergalactic space outlaws who needed to be shot on sight, but I'm not giving up on her yet.

It was back to Plan A, fighting our way to the engine car while running from the space police. We managed, with a few hiccups (accidentally veered the train through Mars (didn't realize it was made of red velvet cake)), but we managed. We got to the engine car, Cataclysmed the Akuma, and Voyaged the train and Lila back to Earth.

And that's what I got, LB. I know it seems random, but does "tiger-raptor" mean anything to you or am I just reading into that dream too much?

Love,

AdREDACTED

Chat Noir

PS - You should think really long and hard about that tiger-raptor dream. Dig into it. Obsess over it. Think about it so hard that it drives you mad.

Luka flicked his rubber band collection with a huff. He had tucked the Young Master's censored letter under the designated roof tile as he had with all the previous letters and weighed it down with Miss Dupain-Cheng's favorite strawberry pastry.

Normally, at this point, he'd be doing his newest favorite thing in the world and patting himself on the back but today was different. Today Luka had stayed behind to watch her collect the package and return to her home for yet another movie night with the Young Master. Miss Dupain-Cheng protested everytime the Young Master held her during the movie's scary moments but did nothing to push him away. If anything, she appeared to be discreetly leaning against him and if one looked closely enough, they might catch the slightest hint of a smile. Such a sign of growth usually filled Luka with pride, but today it gnawed at Luka and, for a reason he couldn't comprehend, it conjured to his imagination what had happened in the aftermath of his shameful akumatization, still fresh in his mind and warm on his lips.

His encyclopedic knowledge could not help him here. He needed advice. Luka went below deck and knocked on the door decorated with a flowery black skull.

There was no response.

There was, however, a sock on the doorknob.

"Oh dear..." Luka sighed. His sister could be so disorganized. Perhaps cleaning her room for her would put his mind at ease. He took the misplaced sock off the knob and barged in.

"LUKA, WHAT THE FUCK?!" Juleka screamed, covering her bare chest with the bedsheets.

"Hello, Luka!" Rose waved, perfectly comfortable in her own skin.

"My word," Luka gasped at what he'd seen. "The two of you… were just… doing what Miss Dupain-Cheng did to me." He eagerly joined them on the bed. "Please, I have so many questions."

"About what?" Rose asked innocently.

"LUKA, GET OUT!" Juleka roared, her cheeks aflame.

"Your mouths, the way you were mashing them together as I do with my rubber band balls." Luka flailed his hands at each other in a general crashing motion.

"That's called kissing, silly," Rose giggled.

"OUT!"

"Kissing," Luka parroted. He reached for his lips which still carried the faint taste of strawberries. "Indeed."

"Yahar, ye don't know what kissing be, son?" Mrs. Couffaine asked sweetly, joining them.

"MOM?! NO! WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"

"It's not that, mumsy. I know what kissing is. It's…" Luka hesitated. He hated this sense of disorientation, this sense of being lost. "But… what does it mean?"

"A kiss can have many meanings, kiddo," Officer Roger said wisely as he sat on the bed too. "Some kiss to say hello."

"Some kisses show-eth respect," added Mr. D'Argencourt.

"Or desire," purred Miss Bustier.

"WHY ARE YOU ALL IN MY BEDROOM?! WERE YOU ALL WATCHING ME AND ROSE!?"

Rose hugged the freaking out Juleka and planted a loving kiss on her cheek. "I kiss Juleka to show her how much I like-like-like-like her."

Luka watched Rose continue to kiss his sister who was frantically trying to hide herself from all the unexpected guests. Her passion nearly matched Miss Dupain-Cheng's kiss. Affection? he thought. Miss Dupain-Cheng was showing me affection?

"Oh dear..." Luka mumbled. "I can't return Miss Dupain-Cheng's feelings, I promised I wouldn't interfere."

"Not interfere? Listen here, Luka. Ye don't want to go living yer life wondering 'what if?'" Mrs. Couffaine said firmly.

"There's no guarantee that it'll work out. ROOO!" Mr. Ramier said, poking his head through the porthole.

"But there's also no guarantee that it'll fail," Dr. Doctorperson finished at his side.

Mayor Bourgeois stepped out of the closet and said, "So, forget about promises and interfering."

Mr. XY flickered through the floor and beeped, "The only question you need to ask yourself is..."

"...Do you like her?" Rose asked.

And that was the question. Boil away all the worries, all the concerns about whether or not such a relationship broke the oath with the Universe, and that one question remained. Luka barely had to think. The answer was clear.

"Yes," he said, confident in what he would do next. "I believe I do." He wiped away a happy tear. "Thank you. You humans are truly extraordinary." Everyone came together and gave Luka a hug.

"SCREW YOU ALL! I'M LOCKING MYSELF IN LUKA'S ROOM!" Juleka growled as she dragged Rose out.

END

Oh dear…