Blueno: I wish you had an account. Would love to talk to you more about your experience working in SE Asia and the family dynamics you saw. thank you for reading and following along. Hope all is safe with you, much love.

Gowildcats: get dat hurr did boo ;)

Eldean: In chapter 59. Karan tells Christian that Ana has a friendzone problem where she unconsciously high fives every guy except she never high fived Christian which meant she was actually interested in him. lol. which is why CG asked if she ever high-fived Vishaal.

I hope all is safe and well with you and your loved ones. Thank you for taking the time to send me wonderful PM's and leave reviews. I probably will be posting only once a week from now on. I will try to update more frequently than that but unless something major happens I will definitely be updating once a week for sure. I am committed to finishing this story and sharing how everything gets resolved. It won't be pretty or simple but it will happen and AS and CG will get their HEA.

Chapter 61 – And I imagine that you are above me like a star

Saturday, April 4th, 2020

We flew into PDX on Charlie Tango last night for a quick getaway this weekend in Portland. It was a surprise that Ana wasn't expecting at all. Needless to say her excitement was off the charts once I told her where we'd be going.

After breakfast this morning, Ana gave me a tour of all her usual haunts in Portland. Starting with where Kate and her lived to her favorite coffee shop and then the very famous hardware store where she spent most of her time outside of school. Mr & Mrs. Clayton were elated to see her and proceed to show me some of the staff pictures they have hanging up behind the register. One picture catches me eye, from Ana's little graduation celebration where she's wearing a big goofy smile as she stands between Mr & Mrs. Clayton while holding balloons.

She shows me around the store and we we walk through the aisle with the different kinds of rope.

"How about I buy a few supplies for us to have some fun tonight." I whisper in her ear.

She looks at me and tries to suppress a smile. "Just want did you have in mind, Mr. Grey?"

"Maybe some rope..." I give her a small kiss.

She looks to the different colors and of rope displayed and walks a little closer to the selection. I close in behind her and point to the crimson colored one. She takes in her hand and gets a feel for it.

"Will this leave any marks or cause rope burns?" she asks in a small voice.

FUCK. I am such an insensitive fuck. Kate's words about the rope burns suddenly scream loudly in my mind and I close my eyes in disgust. I feel like such an asshole all of a sudden.

"Ana, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to come off so insensitive. I just... I'm sorry. There's no excuse" I say in a panic.

She turns around and holds my hand, interlocking her fingers in mine. "Hey... it's okay." She gives me a small smile. "It doesn't feel like it would leave marks but I wanted to make sure... it feels soft." She turns back and signals me to hold the rope too.

"No, Ana. I'm sorry. I didn't realize." I turn to walk out of the aisle and she stops me.

"Christian, ever since we've come back from Miami you've been really sweet and gentle with me... but then you went to London and even when you came back you been treating me like I've been made of glass."

"I don't want to hurt you baby... I'm sorry. I just wanted to..." I lose my words momentarily.

"Yeah but..." She tries to suppress a smile but her cheeks glow a bright pink. "We can still play..." she says shyly and shrugs... "plus, I think it'd be really hot." She whispers against my lips and gives me a quick kiss.

I look into her eyes searching for doubt but she her resolve seems firm. She cocks her head to one side and gives me a wink. I smile back apprehensively.

"This color reminds me of what you wore at the Sangeet." I tell her. She smiles and starts to take off some of the rope from the spool. "Look at you Miss Steele, a regular girl scout." I chuckle.

"Oh... you have no idea, Mr. Grey." She sasses in return.

...

After lunch at a local bistro near the WSU, we walk hand in hand as she gives me the grand tour of the campus and all her usual hangout places.

She leads me to a secluded garden area between two buildings and we take our seats on the bench.

"Kate shared this little oasis with me. It was her designated makeout spot but I would come here to read and relax, listen to music and stuff... or sometimes Kate and I would meet her for lunch and have some serious girl talk."

"Thank you for sharing it with me. It's beautiful." I lean in a give her a kiss.

"You're the only one I want to share it with, Mr. Grey." She smiles.

"No wonder I never ran into you. You were probably always hiding here." I smirk.

She laughs and shrugs. "Yeah, probably. Or I was at the library or Claytons." She pauses for a few moments and looks up at the sky. "I used to tell Kate that even though I really worked hard to be invisible... I really hoped that someone would look through it all and see me for me. I know I wore shitty clothes but I figured if someone could notice me in spite of all that then they'd really want to know who I was..." She swallows. "I know, it's stupid... doing everything to not be noticed but also having this small part of myself that was pining for acceptance. I guess that's the real struggle between the heart and mind. My mind tried to do everything to protect me by convincing me to hide and that I wasn't good enough but my heart still longed to be seen and that small voice would echo through every now and then." She looks down and plays with her knotted fingers.

I kiss her temple. "I'm sorry, I saw you that way. You didn't deserve that." I tuck a strand of her behind her hair.

"It was all you knew, I guess." She says in a small voice.

"It was... but that's where you were different as well. I started to daydream of more with you almost immediately. I'd never been affected by a woman to be consumed by her till you. I offered you a ride in hopes of getting to talk to you more but you turned me down. I couldn't sleep that night and thought of you almost every waking moment from then on. I thought about you during thanksgiving dinner, wondering if you had eaten or not then thought you may have had a boyfriend which wasn't a pleasant thought at all."

She giggles. "When you offered me the ride I thought you were crazy. I almost said yes but then remembered HR."

"If you had accepted, I would've ended up inviting you to thanksgiving dinner."

"And I would've gotten a free ride on the jet." she giggles making me laugh.

I smirk and lean in to give her a quick kiss. "Miss Steele, you would've gotten to ride a whole lot more than the jet."

She laughs out loud and falls into me. "Mr. Grey, you are such a perv... but I really like that about you."

...

We're sitting in bed eating a selection from Voodoo Doughnuts when Ana out of nowhere falls into a fit of giggles.

"You know, if someone had told me last spring that I would be sitting in hotel room with a hot guy after some pretty blowing sex eating voodoo doughnuts, I would've died laughing."

"Well, if someone had told me last spring that I would be sitting in a hotel room with a hot girl after some pretty mind blowing sex eating voodoo doughnuts, I would have them committed." I smirk.

"Look at us odd birds." She giggles and takes another bite of her doughnut.

"These are really good. I gave Claude one of your cookies to try the other day and he's banned me for eating them...says they've slowing me down."

"Claude is just jealous." She sneers.

"That's what I told him. Though he'll probably lose his shit if he saw me eating all this." I laugh.

"But we're not really eating all this. We're just trying them out. Don't worry... we're exercising portion control and you're secret is safe with me." She winks.

"I've really not had junk food in years."

She shakes her head "You've been missing out, Grey... Kate and I would have this minimum once a week. It would be our late night snack. Sometimes when I had to close the shop and do inventory, on my way back home, I'd pick up doughnuts since they were open 24 hours and then we'd have our late night girl talk. Once I brought some home but Kate was in her room with whomever she was dating at the time, so I left the box on the counter and the next morning when I woke up, the guy who spent the night was eating one of the donuts. I gave him this insidious glare and he just stopped mid-chew and mumbled a sorry and I was like damn straight you should be sorry... how dare you eat my donuts without asking. I banned his ass from the apartment. Kate broke up with him a week later anyway."

I laugh out loud. "You really take your food seriously."

"Like a blood sport, Grey. You'll do well to remember that." She grumbles.

"I'll be sure to never forget."

"Good. By the way, we need to stop by the shop again to buy some more before we leave tomorrow morning because I need to get some for Kate and Elliot, Gail and the security team and for Jose and Val."

"Baby, how about I buy the franchise and open one in Seattle?" I smirk

"You're so smart. See, this is why I keep you around... well this is also why." She sasses

Wednesday April 8th, 2020

APOV

I feel the sun on my face. The dappled light that sprinkles through the leaves as the cool breeze travels through. I take a few deep breaths, willing myself to open my eyes but I think I want to stay like this a little longer. I hear the faint sound music.

cause after every day
the wind blows the night time my way
and I imagine that you are
above me like a start

"Wake up Private." I hear a chuckle.

"Dad?" I open my eyes and I suddenly realize we're in a car, driving around the bend of a densely tree lined road. It's his mustang and he's got the top down. I look to my left and see him. Young as ever. Not a minute older than the last time I saw him. The radio's playing one of his favorite songs.

And you keep on glowing
And you keep on showing me the way
And I imagine that you are, above me like a star
Shine

He looks peaceful, with a twinkle in his eye and a hint of a smile on his lips.

"Nice of you to join me. l've been driving for forever while you've been snoring." He chuckles.

"Excuse me, I do not snore." I snap back and sit up a little straighter. I look down and see I'm wearing a light pink dress. I'm confused.

"You're so grown up Annie." He looks at me for a second and smiles. I'm not my 17 year old self I realize.

"I haven't seen you in forever Dad." I say trying to stifle a sob. "Where haven't you come to visit me?"

"Because you've been busy Annie. You've been doing some growing up... don't worry. I've been here every step of the way." I see the breeze travel through his hair. He lets out a laugh. "Remember when you used to beg me to let you drive Stella?"

"Does this mean you're going to let me now? I'm grown up now. I can handle Stella." I giggle.

"Maybe next time. Not sure if Stella is ready to handle you." He teases.

"I don't like you very much right now Sargent." I pout.

"Love is a good look on you."

"I wish you could meet him Dad."

"I'm keeping and eye on him, don't worry. I've got my shotgun in the back." He winks.

"Of course you do." I laugh.

"Just remember the promises you've made Annie."

I turn to face him. "What promises?"

"The promises you've made in the now. The love you feel right now. That matters more than anything that's come before your time with him."

"What do you mean dad?"

"You'll know when the time is right."

I look out to the road ahead of me. The car makes a right turn and I realize we're in Seattle. We drive for a few more minutes and stop in front of a building. Escala?

"Dad?"

"Our time is up Luna."

"But Dad, we haven't... I need more time. There's so much I need to talk to you about."

"Next time, I promise." He leans in and kisses my temple.

"No, Dad. Please..." Tears start to burn my eyes.

"It's okay, Luna. I'll be back. I just wanted to check in on you."

I reluctantly get out of the car and turn around to look at him. He looks like a Hollywood movie star driving his cool sports car with the top down. It makes me laugh.

"Take care, Private." He smiles and gives me a small nod.

"Yes sir." I give him a small smile. I watch him drive off and tears roll down my cheeks. I feel panic rise up and call out to him. "NO, WAIT!"

CPOV

I wake to the sound of whimpering and crying. I look towards Ana and see her crying out.

"Dad... please wait."

I get up and wipe tears from her face.

"Please Dad... I need more time." She cries out.

"Ana baby... wake up..." I caress her face and try my best to coax her out of this.

She opens her eyes and looks straight at me, confused.

"Baby, you were having a dream."

She blinks a few times and swallows trying to get her breathing under control. She keeps looking at me.

"Ana... " I hold her face. "It's okay baby..."

"Why does he keep leaving? He barely comes to see me and then he just leaves." She asks crying.

"I'm sorry baby." I lay back down and pull her in close. She holds on to me tight and cries for bit. She calms down after a while and I feel her breathing steady.

"I'm sorry, I woke you." She says in a small voice.

"Don't apologize baby." I kiss her forehead and she wipes her face. "Was it a bad dream?"

She shakes her head. "It was really beautiful... but it never lasts long."

"Want to talk about it."

She shrugs. "He just said that he knew I've been busy trying to grow up and we were taking a drive in Stella. It was a beautiful spring day. We had the top down and the sun was shining."

"Stella?"

"His mustang. He named her Stella."

"So that's where you get your knack for naming things." I smile at her.

She giggles. "Yeah I guess." She looks up at me. "He said he was keeping an eye on you and that he had the shotgun in the back." She laughs.

"Does this mean, he going to haunt me." I chuckle.

"Probably. Raymond Steele would probably have way too much fun with that."

"You don't have many dreams about him?"

"I've only seen him a handful of times since the accident and each time it's so short lived. I think about him all the time and hope we'll actually talk for longer but we never do. He always has to leave." She says small voice.

I hold her tight and she nestles her face in the crook of my neck and soon her breathing evens out and see that she's fallen asleep.

The last three weeks have been a significant improvement in Ana. She still has her spells where she gets lost in thought but they are few and far in between. She's been going to see Flynn a lot more and it's been helping.

My schedule hasn't been as easy to deal with. I suddenly have a few found appreciation for everything Ros has put up with and how much of a strain it must have put on her relationship with Gwen. I ended up having to go to London for a week and it was pure fucking torture. Ana didn't say anything but then again I knew she wouldn't and I tried to not let it bother me. It's not like I could've cancelled the trip and she couldn't come with me. I had to remind myself of John's advice that Ana was never going to demand anything because she knew how much GEH means to me.

We've been trying to be good about spending time with Emilia. Ana sees her a lot more than I do and I get photo updates every now and then. I'm lucky if I can see her two hours out of the week. I've gotten slightly better at holding her but she will still fuss when I pick her up.

Ros has been itching to come back and while I'd gladly hire her an entire staff of nurses to help Gwen with the baby, Ana warned me to not enable Ros. Gwen needs her to be equally present which has been hilarious because Ros is convinced that Emilia hates her guts. Who knew a baby could turn the shark that is Rosalyn Bailey into a goldfish. I probably should shut my mouth; I'm equally scared of that tiny human Gwen gave birth to.

Ana was right; they can smell fear.

Friday April 10th, 2020

"Sir, I have a Mrs. Karim from AHAK International on the line." Andrea buzzes through the intercom.

Why is Nani calling my office. She has my personal number. I ask Andrea to patch the call through.

"Hello, Christian. How are you?" She says with warmth but I still sense some formality or could it could just be the British accent.

"Hello Nani, I'm doing well. And yourself? I'm a little surprised you called me on my office line."

"Ah, yes. I hope you don't mind. I wasn't sure if you'd be available on your personal cell so I thought I'd call through the office. Didn't want to alarm you."

"I appreciate that but please feel free to call me on my personal number whenever you'd like."

"I will. Thank you." She pauses for a beat. "The reason why I'm calling is because I wanted to know if it would be possible for you to meet with me in private when we come to visit Seattle next week."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes, there are some things I'd like to discuss with you. It's in regards to Aana and I would appreciate it if you didn't tell her, not for a while at least. I will explain more when we meet."

"I have to be honest, you're putting me in a difficult situation."

"I assure you that you will be able to share the nature of our conversation eventually. Just not right now."

"I see... "

"I'll have Mr. Benoit liaise with your head of security. In addition, I would suggest that you bring your lawyer along for the meeting. I will have my own present as well. "

My scalp prickles. What the hell?

"I understand. I'll have him present and we will see you next week."

"Thank you, Christian."

She hangs up. That was not the woman who is Ana's grandmother. That was Mrs. Aisha Hasan-Karim. All business.

I send a text to Taylor to let me know as soon as the meeting is set with her and to let Travis know to make himself available in addition to keeping this off the books since Ana is in charge of Travis' schedule.

Fuck this is going to chip away at my brain till I meet her.

...

Thanks to Ros' influence Ana has come around to the idea of heading the philanthropy department. I've already talked to Elliot about turning one of the mid size conference rooms on our floor into an office for Ana. She'll have the same view of the city as myself.

We're sitting at the Met Grill for our weekly lunch. The phone call from earlier this morning is still at the forefront of my mind.

"I told Mr. Travis that I would make sure to help the transition of the new assistant before I leave." She brings me out of my reverie.

"You can call him Michael, you know."

"I know, but he'll always be Mr. Travis to me, kinda like your high school teachers." She laughs.

"How are the interviews going so far, any solid leads from HR?"

"They've narrowed it down to three people. It all depends on who Mr. Travis likes. Though I can tell he's a little sad that I'm leaving, we worked really well together. Jose isn't all that happy either. He won't say it but he'll miss seeing my face."

"He'll get over it." I smirk. "Besides, he's got a free pass to the 20th floor, I think he'll be happy."

"You know what, you're right. I didn't even think of that. Look at you, figuring out what makes Jose Rodriguez tick."

"I'm good at reading people. It's what I do."

"Except for me." She giggles.

"Yes, Miss Steele. You are the mystery I endeavor to solve."

"Good luck, Grey." She laughs and takes a bite of my mashed potatoes.

"Elliot told me your office will be done by next week so you can meet with the interior designer that we work with and let them know how you want to decorate."

"Okay." She says in a small voice.

"What's wrong baby?"

"Nothing, it feels a little weird." She laughs nervously. "I don't want to mess up."

"You won't baby and I think it's fantastic. You'll be on the 20th floor, I can walk into your office whenever I want and have my way with you." I smirk.

She rolls her eyes. "Excuse me, but you won't be able to waltz in unless you have an appointment. Try to keep it profesh okay..."

"I own the place, Miss Steele."

"I'll report your ass to HR, Grey."

"I'll make you come so hard, you'll be too tired to even speak Miss Steele." I place my hand on her thigh and give her my panty dropping smile.

"Challenge accepted." She raises an eyebrow while grabbing my hand to keep me from trying to tease her. I chuckle and lean in to kiss her.

"I really am happy you'll be on the same floor. It'll help me stay sane." I say with sincerity.

"Whatever I can do to make your life easy, Mr. Grey. I love you." She raises her face to kiss me.

Authors Note: I wonder what Nani is up to.

Pinterest: www dot pinterest dot com/paleseptember10/50-shades-of-love-and-light/

Music:

Get To Me - Train.