Sorry about that guys, fanfiction had a stroke with the document. Here you go and if the mention of child loss is a trigger you may want to skip this chapter.
Leila watched as Vlad went about getting ready for his work, but something was off. Something had been off with him for the past few days and she'd yet to ask about it. Today the off-ness seemed even more pronounced, Vlad's emotions feeling pained against her mind whenever he allowed his mental barrier to slide for her to feel him.
For the life of her Leila couldn't guess what was causing it, so with a steely determination, she rose to confront her husband. Wrapping her arms around him from behind, she rested her chin on his shoulder and leaned her weight against him.
Vlad stopped in the process of getting dressed to clasp her hands that rested on his chest. Turning to look at her, he quirked an eyebrow. "This is going to make walking interesting."
Her mouth twitched at his bland statement before she refocused on why she'd gotten up. "You've been feeling off lately, is everything alright?"
He immediately stiffened as any warmth he'd felt from her surprise embrace fled. His reaction told her that something was indeed wrong more than any words he could use. Internally she crossed her fingers that this wasn't going to somehow turn into a fight. They'd been doing so well lately and she'd hate to break their streak.
Thankfully, after a moment of consideration, Vlad dropped his shield and turned to pull her into a hug. She felt his sigh against her hair as he began to explain. "I shouldn't be surprised that you noticed, you know me entirely too well."
He paused, but Leila didn't move to nudge him onward. He hadn't told her to butt out which meant he was going to explain further. She just had to wait for him to find the words. Sure enough, he continued while his hands ran absentmindedly over her back.
"I'm uncertain if you are aware but today is Father's Day." He stopped again, waiting for her nod to continue. She had forgotten that, but how his current pain could tie into that eluded her. Feeling her nod, he picked up where he left off. "Usually I don't reminisce on the past as it does nothing for the present but due to Mircea, the memories of when I was a father are closer to the surface than I would prefer."
It hit her like a semi, Vlad was a father so of course Father's Day would be painful. Especially since his son had died before him, so it would only serve as a reminder of what he'd lost. Tightening her arms around him in an attempt to offer comfort, she nodded against his throat. "That makes sense, thanks to how things are with my Dad I didn't even think about the date. But Vlad, just because your son isn't here anymore doesn't mean you're not a father."
He stiffened, but to his credit he didn't pull away. "Oh? I believe the prerequisite for being a father is in fact having a son, and as you well know mine has been gone for well over half a millennium." His tone was stiff, but he hadn't told her shut up so she took it as a positive sign.
Leila chose her words carefully, knowing that this was most likely the single most painful topic for Vlad they could discuss. "That's the textbook definition, but that's not entirely true and you know it. Parents who lose their babies in child birth, or to other causes for that matter, aren't any less of a parent. That same principle means that you're still a father, even if you haven't actively been in the role for hundreds of years. Your son gave you that title and you'll always have it, no matter what, because even though he isn't here anymore he did exist. And when he was, you were his Dad and nothing will ever change that."
She could feel as her words sank in, past pain strafing through Vlad as he stayed completely still in her arms. Briefly she wondered if he would be mad at her, this wasn't exactly her place after all. He might not have wanted to think about this topic at all, which was his right. As the minutes stretched with his pain dragging against her subconscious, she went to apologize only for him to cut her off.
"You are right, my son was- is still my son and nothing will ever change that. It would be a dishonor to him for me to renounce that title, not after he spent the entirety of his life loving me as a father. I refuse to cheapen that by forgetting. Despite how painful remembering is."
The pain she felt through the bond took her breath away with its intensity, Marty had always told her that nothing hurt like losing a child and as she felt Vlad's pain she knew that to be true. Even after five centuries it still ripped through him as if it were fresh. Curling herself further around him, she offered what comfort she could as the feelings ripped through him.
After a few minutes Vlad relaxed slightly, some of the feelings dulling down to a dull roar as he turned to face her. "Thank you, Leila. My son deserved to be remembered. If you'd like to hear about him, I will tell you."
Leila didn't have to think for long, nodding as she tugged him back to bed. This wasn't a conversation to have without being as comfortable as possible. Once they were settled with Leila practically melded into Vlad's side, he began. "My son was the only one whose touch I didn't abhor even years after my release and he picked up on that fairly quickly. He made it his mission in life to offer the affection I wouldn't accept from his mother or anyone else. His continued insistence to embrace me at every given opportunity helped me become acclimated to touch again."
He paused as the phantom feeling of small arms wrapping around his middle to welcome him home bled through to the present. Forcing himself to focus, he continued. "He followed me everywhere that he could, I distinctly remember being both flattered that he saw me so highly and frustrated as it made doing my daily tasks considerably more difficult. I never knew how much I would miss being followed, but as he grew he began to pick up my mannerisms until his attitude and looks mirrored mine."
The first few years after his passing looking into a mirror had been excruciating, the memories attacking relentlessly until he had learned to cope. "Along with being a near exact replica of me physically, his name was similar to mine. As many families do, Clara and I named him after his father. At the time it was a source of pride but later it would cause me much suffering."
Leila leaned against him, squeezing their interlocked fingers as he gave her a hard smile. "He grew into a fine man. I was proud of him then and I still remain proud to call him my son." While there was many other things he could tell her, he stopped at that. He had discussed Vladimir more in the past ten minutes than he had since his passing, and he found himself exhausted already. They still had time, he could open up more as the years past. For now, this was enough.
Leila moved to straddle his lap, knowing how painful that had been for him she felt her own pride. Her husband was becoming more open, even when it hurt to be, and she would always be grateful when he shared details like this with her. Once she was seated, his hands coming up to rest on her hips, she bent to kiss him with all of her love and gratitude that he couldn't feel.
"Thank you for telling me. I may not have known your son, but he was- is a part of you. So I'll mourn him with you just like I'll mourn Clara despite my not knowing her. They were both integral parts of your history, making you into the man I love and so I refuse to forget them. Just as I love you, the man who overcame far and above what any one person should have to, I also love the father that they made you and the ruthless warlord you had to be back then to survive. No matter who or what you are, I'll always love you. Nothings going to change that either."
Vlad's hands cupped her face, his lips capturing hers in a tender kiss as rich waves of his emotion rolled over her. When he pulled back he rested their foreheads together, his eyes mirroring the emotions she could plainly feel. "As I love you, and all the versions of you that you've been in the past. You are and will forever be my wife."
Leila sighed as the aching pain lessened to an extent. Maybe talking about his son had helped him a bit, while she wouldn't push for more, she was glad that it had helped even a little. If he chose to tell her more in the future then she'd be here to listen but for now she'd focus on offering support to Vlad through the difficult days.
Rising from the bed, she shot him a lopsided smile as she tugged on his arm. "Come on, play hooky from work today and let's go into town. I doubt that you got anything for Mencheres, right?"
Vlad blinked, momentarily surprised by her statement before nodding in agreement. "No, I didn't but now that you mention it…" Standing, he gripped her hand before bringing it to his lips. Taking the chance during her surprise at his action, he pulled her against his chest with a smirk.
"That is an excellent idea, after all I'm not the only father in our lives. I'm sure the town has something he would enjoy." So saying, he released Leila to finish getting ready for the day. His day just became more busy, but he couldn't bring himself to mind and as he walked arm in arm with Leila through the shops, he thought on their previous discussion about Vladimir.
He had never talked about his son to anyone, even Mencheres, but he found himself feeling…lighter. While the pain was still there, as it always would be, it almost felt more manageable. Looking over to Leila as she considered a potential gift for his sire, he smiled to himself. It was a shame that Leila had never had the opportunity to have children, while it could be exhausting at the best of times he knew without a shadow of a doubt that she would excel in the position of mother.
She loved with her whole heart and any child born to her would have never had to feel the loneliness both Vlad and Leila's childhoods had known, that much he was certain of. As he walked down the streets with his wife running the different possibilities by him, he found that he didn't mind the thought of a child as much as he would have just yesterday.
While he was nowhere near ready to take on another child, the thought of raising one with Leila wasn't as daunting or painful as it could have been.