after effects

Oh, baby, where are you now when I need you most?
I'd give it all just to hold you close

— "After Hours," The Weeknd

Caitlin's Apartment

"No," Barry said, as Caitlin wriggled her way out from under his arm. "More sleep. Stay."

She laughed softly at his morning grumbling. "I have to pee, Barry. Plus, we should get up."

He groaned in response and wrapped his arm around her tighter. "O'more minute…" he mumbled, nuzzling his face into her hair.

Caitlin acquiesced with a smile. It was unreal that this was her new normal — waking up in Barry's arms, feeling loved, protected, and seen.

She wished they could stay there forever.

"Okay, Barry, I really have to pee now. But I'll make us coffee while I'm up." She pulled herself free and got up, only to find him fully awake and staring at her.

"What?" she asked, a little self-consciously, pulling at the hem of Barry's oversized shirt.

"Nothing," he said, his gaze intensifying. "You're beautiful, Cait."

She blushed. "Thanks, Barry."

"Just speaking the truth. Now go pee. I'll make the coffee." He grinned and shooed her to the bathroom.

As Caitlin turned on the shower, she noticed steam filling the bathroom. What the heck? she thought. There shouldn't be any steam at all; she only took ice-cold showers in the morning…

With a start, she glanced at her hands and realized. It wasn't steam, but rather frost.

She caught a glimpse of herself in the smooth glass of the shower. Her eyes were a bright, icy blue.

"Ahh!" she screamed, and Barry came zipping into the bathroom.

"Cait?" he asked worriedly. "What's wrong?"

She looked back up at her reflection, but she looked normal. The frost had disappeared as well. Everything in her screamed at her to tell Barry, but she wanted to handle this on her own. Besides, Barry had enough on his plate, dealing with Alchemy and the burden of changing the timeline. With Jesse's newfound speed and Wally's obvious disappointment.

It's funny. I think you're the person least affected by Flashpoint, he had said with a little laugh.

How wrong he was.

"Oh, I think I just saw a spider. Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," she said shakily. She'd tell Barry once things were settled down.

Barry held Frankie on the rooftop, letting her cry all over his Flash suit. Good thing it's waterproof, he thought wryly.

As he flashed them over to S.T.A.R. Labs, he left her in Caitlin's capable hands. "I just wanted him to stop hurting me," Frankie sobbed.

Caitlin knelt in front of the girl. "You're okay now," she soothed. "We're putting him away; he'll never be anyone's foster dad again."

Barry watched her comfort the crying girl and knew that the same thing that had drawn him to Frankie's brokenness was drawing Caitlin in too. She was good with kids, he realized. And all of a sudden, he could see it — their future together, Caitlin round and glowing with pregnancy, the birth of their first child, the first of many more to come. Growing old with Caitlin and watching their children grow old too.

He shook his head a little and smiled wistfully at his thoughts. This was no world to bring a child into right now. His dreams of a family would have to wait.

Barry walked up behind Caitlin and knelt down to Frankie's level too, putting a steadying hand on Caitlin's shoulder. "This isn't your fault, Frankie. I know that you can fight the darkness within you. Caitlin's found you a nice home in Keystone with wonderful parents who will take care of you. People who will never hurt you." He smiled at the girl, who was wiping her tears away.

That could've been me, he realized. If Joe hadn't taken me in. He felt another surge of gratitude toward his foster father.

"What if Magenta tries to come back?" Frankie asked worriedly.

"Fight her," Barry answered immediately. "And we'll be there if you need us."

"Thank you," she said. She looked at Barry and Caitlin. "I almost… I almost wish I had parents like you two."

Caitlin looked at Barry, surprised. "We're not —" she started.

"I mean —" Barry said at the same time.

They stopped and smiled at each other.

"Thank you," Barry said instead.

"We're here for you anytime, Frankie, really," Caitlin said.

S.T.A.R. Labs

"Soooo," Barry started. "Are we gonna talk about —?"

"The fact that Frankie assumed we were together?" Caitlin shrugged. "Kids are perceptive."

"No, heh," Barry ran a hand through his hair. "I meant…" He cleared his throat, looking a little uncomfortable. "Maybe it's too early to have this conversation, but I was wondering. Do you want kids?"

She just looked at him.

"Does that mean… no?"

"No, Barry," she said. "I was just surprised. You know, I'm an only child, but I always wished I'd grown up with siblings. And I couldn't wait to have kids when Ronnie and I were engaged, but now… I'd still love to, but I'm a little afraid of bringing a child into a world that seems so unsafe."

Barry reached for her hand. "I feel the same way. I've always wanted a family — two kids at least, maybe a boy and a girl — but we're having enough trouble dealing with the metas as it is."

"Glad we're on the same page, Mr. Allen."

"We always are, Dr. Snow. See you at home?"

"I have some things to clean up here, but yes, I'll see you at home."

"I'll pick up takeout. Anything sound good?"

"I picked last time. This time it's you," she said. "Anything would be great."

Barry grinned and flashed off.

As Caitlin cleaned her equipment, placing everything carefully back in its original place, she noticed the temperature in the room dropping significantly. No no no, she thought. Not now.

So she did what any logical person would do — she turned off all the lights and ran to her car, driving home with the heat on full-blast.

While she drove, she figured it out. Caitlin knew what she had to do.

Caitlin's Apartment

Barry woke with a strange feeling. Was it the Thai food we had last night? he wondered. But as he rubbed his eyes groggily, he realized quickly what it was.

Caitlin was missing.

"Cait?" he called, panic rising in his throat. She's probably in the bathroom or in the kitchen or maybe she went on a walk what time is it I hope she's okay?

There was no answer.

Getting out of bed slowly, he looked around. No signs of forced entry. Had she… just left him? It was her apartment after all. Maybe she just went to work early.

As he stumbled into the kitchen for a glass of water, he saw a sticky note on the fridge. "Had to take care of a family emergency," it read. "Love you; I'll be back soon. XO Cait."

Feeling slightly reassured but deeply curious, Barry peeled the sticky note off and ran his thumb over it gently, wishing it was Caitlin's soft skin he was touching instead. "Love you too, Cait," he whispered.

But he still couldn't shake the nagging feeling that she was in trouble.

S.T.A.R. Labs

His day was not made better by the entrance of the one and only H.R. Wells, yet another version of Harrison Wells from yet another earth. It seems like there were infinite Wells… and they all were equally intelligent yet aggravating.

Wells brought them all coffee, but — "I think you'd be better off sticking to decaf, Flash," he said, handing Barry his cup.

"Yeaaaah," Barry said. "Thanks." He hated decaf.

"Oh, Caitlin left something for you. A message. I, uh —"

Cisco pressed the button for him. It seemed like no matter what version of Wells it was, Cisco's natural inclination was to dislike them.

"Hey, you." Barry smiled softly as Caitlin's voice filled the Cortex.

"I need to go take care of something for a few days, but I'll be back soon. Good luck without me —" (he could hear the smile in her voice) "— and don't let Cisco eat my pizza pockets, okay?"

Everyone stared at Cisco, who had stopped midway through putting another bite of said pizza pocket into his mouth. "It… uh, wasn't labeled," he mumbled guiltily.

Barry still looked concerned, despite Caitlin's message. "I gotta go, I'm running late," he said, as Wells started rambling about team-building exercises.

He couldn't stop worrying about Caitlin all day.