Makoto is nervous as Nagisa flips open his phone to text Kayano and let her know he's ready to talk. He fidgets in his seat… takes a shaky gulp and sends glance after glance his way.
"You really think I've got this in the bag?" He asks.
"Of course," Nagisa says, pocketing his phone. "...Just be honest about how you feel. Tell her everything that you told me and give her the chance to speak. I'll be right here watching the whole time, so I'll make sure that things don't get out of hand. If I think you need a gentle nudge I'll give you one. I'll help you express this correctly."
"Alright," Makoto says, voice quiet. "...Thanks."
It's maybe two minutes before the door creaks open. Kayano and Fumiko step into the room. Fumiko's got her head low to the ground… and Kayano gently squeezes her hand as they make their way over to the seats across from Makoto and Nagisa.
"...Hey," Makoto says, giving Fumiko an awkward wave.
She doesn't respond.
Nagisa gives them a nod of acknowledgment, scooting his chair in slightly closer as he speaks up.
"Alright," he says. "I'm sorry for separating the two of you, but I hope having some time to vent individually helped. Are you two ready to discuss what we talked about?"
"I think so," Makoto says.
Fumiko gives a quiet nod.
"Okay. Great," Nagisa says. "I obviously don't want to dictate this conversation. Ultimately it's between the two of you, so I won't step in unless I think it's necessary. Do either of you know where you'd like to begin?"
Fumiko still doesn't speak. Just glances towards Makoto with expectant eyes. There's a dry taste in his mouth and his stomach churns… but he thinks he knows what he has to do. She's waiting for his cue. If he ever wants to fix things he needs to be brave. He needs to try his hardest to be a good friend.
"I… think I can start," he says, locking eyes with Fumiko. "If that's okay."
"More than okay," Fumiko says, her voice still tense. "What grand conclusion have you come to?"
Makoto hesitates.
"I'm... sorry," he says. "I'm sorry. I was wrong about how I treated you."
He almost expects that to be it... for Fumiko to throw open her arms and declare 'I just knew you'd be!' But real life is a lot more difficult than that, it turns out. Fumiko shoots a wary look Nagisa's way.
"Are you?" She asks. "...Or are you just saying that because he told you to?"
Makoto's heart aches. "I am," he says. "Nagisa helped me understand it… but I am. I made a mistake, Fumiko. I shouldn't have lied to you. I guess I just got… really caught up in my own head. I took you being mad against Kiyoshi as a personal attack, and then when you had a talk with him I thought that meant things were normal again. But they aren't."
He shifts slightly. "And that… really scared me. I wanted us all to just be friends again. I dunno if you know this, but I do this thing when I'm scared where I pretend everything's okay. It's… like… how I stop myself from freaking out. And I just kept telling myself that 'she's coming around.' 'she's gonna like him again soon.' But it's not as simple as 'coming around,' is it?"
Fumiko shakes her head.
"Of- of course not!" she says. "Kiyoshi did apologize to me, yeah... that much is true. And I really, really want to accept that apology... but I can't yet. I still hardly even know who he is. And he treated me like shit."
Makoto wants to argue. Say 'you know damn well who he is,' but Nagisa sends him a glance and he decides against it. Biting the inside of his cheek, he lets her continue on.
"...You treated me like shit, too."
The words linger.
"I mean… at least I got an apology from Kiyoshi. And I really didn't expect that from him. He came out to my house and he said the nicest things to me. He listened to how I felt and told me I wasn't wrong for feeling that way. He validated me. That's the sort of behavior I expected from you. And I guess it just really stung that…" she pauses. "That it came from that sort of person, instead. I wanted to hear that from someone like you."
Makoto frowns. He hates that word: 'expected.' He'd expected a lot more from Korosensei, too, but here he is. Nagisa said that that's okay… that he's allowed to be different. But does that really mean anything if he's not able to do right by the people he loves?
"I did apologize," he says. "I mean… not for the whole lying to you thing. I'm still working on that apology. But…" he shakes his head. "...for everything that happened back then. I said it when you first told me, and I'll say it again now if I have to. I'm sorry for getting you killed. I'm sorry for not being a better friend." He bows his head. "...You deserved a lot better than that."
Fumiko seems to consider that for a moment. She blinks fast. But she recoils just as quickly… retreating into Kayano's embrace.
"An apology means nothing if not for changed behavior. I've seen how Kiyoshi has changed. How have you, Makoto?"
Nagisa places a hand on his shoulder. Makoto breathes in through his nose and thinks. He thinks more than anything he wants to cry. 'I know it's just been for the worse,' he muses. 'But I still want to. I still want to do better.'
"Well…" he says, focusing on the feeling of Nagisa's palm. "...I'd like to validate you too, if it's not too late."
Fumiko doesn't respond.
"You said… Kiyoshi listened to how you felt, right? I want to do that too," Makoto continues. "I'm not very good at it… honestly… I… I have- like… trouble understanding that people feel differently than I do… don't cope the same way. But that's no excuse not to listen. I'm sorry I lied to you, Fumiko. And I'm sorry I ignored how you felt. I don't blame you for being angry at me. That must have felt super violating."
"I was… I was scared, too, when Kiyoshi first told me that. Like… really scared. I think I'm still a little scared sometimes he'll hurt me. But I feel bad for it. And I shoved those feelings away. I guess I just assumed you had to do the same thing. That if I was capable so were you. But that wasn't very nice. Not everyone is like me."
He pauses.
"And I'm not - I'm not saying that to brag! I'm not that capable. I don't even know if I'm doing the right thing... Just that sometimes I assume everyone feels the same way I do. But they don't'. It turns out... they won't. "
Fumiko seems to ease up some as he admits he'd been frightened too. But just as soon she pauses… shakes her head and says "...Damn right they don't."
She frowns. "I know you think it's the right thing or whatever, but I can't just shove my feelings aside like that. I think about all the times I was scared for my life… the one time I did die because of the two of you… and I just feel sick. I want to be allowed to feel that way. I want to be allowed to be angry. And even if it felt like you were looking down on me for it-"
"I wasn't," Makoto interjects, raising a finger. "...Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt. I just wanted to put that out there. I wasn't."
Fumiko shoots him a guarded… annoyed, almost look, but continues on.
"...And even if it felt like you were looking down on me… I wasn't going to change the way I reacted. That… that thing you do," she pauses. "...with your feelings. I did that as Aguri. And it killed me. When you just kept saying that garbage like 'everything's okay now' it felt like you wanted me to do that to my feelings again. Like you somehow expected it of me!"
"Of… of course not!" Makoto sputters. "I mean… maybe a little," he admits, scratching at his arm. "But… that was wrong. It's not like I don't know the way I act can hurt me and others sometimes. I just… sort of assume what goes on in my head goes on in everyone else's. And I… I convinced myself you should feel that way because I thought maybe if you did things would go back to normal. If they didn't… I… I didn't know what I was gonna do."
"Are things going to go back to normal?" Fumiko asks, scrupulous. "Can they?"
"I…" Makoto pauses. "...I dunno. I really want to think they can. But ultimately I think that's also up to you. I can't tell you how to feel, even if that's really, really how I want the story to end."
Fumiko shifts slightly. A tiredness to her voice she says "...I don't think things are ever going to feel right for a very, very long time. You really, really hurt my feelings. And Kiyoshi…-" She pauses. "...I don't think I'm ever going to see Kiyoshi the same way. You really misinterpreted what happened, Makoto."
"What did happen, then?"
"I told you: he validated me. Kiyoshi… he… he didn't expect anything from me. He told me it was okay to be mad. He told me it was okay for me to leave. And because of that some little part of me… maybe the stupidest damn part wanted to wish well on him. That doesn't mean that I forgave him, though. I am never going to forgive Yanagisawa. And I'm not sure Kiyoshi will ever be the person he was to me before all of this. A chance is not a promise. Everything is not okay. If we want to mend our friendship it'll take time. And that's just an if. I can't rush right back into pretending nothing happened in the same way you could."
Makoto's quiet for a long moment. He sends a glance Nagisa's way, then looks back towards Fumiko.
"I guess I just felt… defensive," he says. "You said some really harsh stuff to Kiyoshi. And I assumed that if you didn't forgive him then it meant you still believed all that stuff. Do you really think all of that, Fumiko? That Kiyoshi's a monster? That he was conspiring to hurt you? That he can never fix the kind of person he was before?"
It's Fumiko's turn to avert her gaze.
"...I don't know, Makoto," she says, staring down at her lap. "...I don't think so, but I'm still trying to get most of that stuff figured out for myself. I can't just give you some concrete, easy, reassuring answer."
"I know," Makoto says. "That's okay."
At least… he thinks.
"You don't gotta give me some perfect answer. And you don't gotta feel how I feel. I shouldn't expect you to. I just… I just hope…-" he pauses. "I really hope you didn't mean that stuff you said about me, at least."
Fumiko stares.
"I know… I know I shouldn't be making this about me!" Makoto tacks on quickly. "But it… really hurt my feelings. All that stuff about getting you killed. All that stuff about how I shouldn't have been born." He feels his heart sink. "...I know it's true, but I already think about that stuff enough as is. I feel horrible. Every day. I know I made a lot of mistakes. I know I probably shouldn't be here right now. But I am, and there's not much I can do about that. Thinking about you… thinking about you viewing me the same way I view myself… it makes that so much worse."
"You were… you were the person who always believed in me. You were the one who convinced me I could be good in the first place. If you don't have faith in me anymore… if you really believe things like 'Aguri hates you,' then… it feels like you're taking that back retroactively somehow. That… that the person you thought I could be… that he never really existed. That I was making my goodness up."
Fumiko's expression seems to soften somewhat. Looking ashamed, then hurt, she says "...That's a lot to put on me... you know that, Makoto? It's not my job to be your savior. I want you to feel good about yourself. I really do. But I just can't- I just can't be that person anymore... who sees the good in everyone... who doesn't care when they're hurting me. It ruined my life."
"I don't… I don't regret the way I felt about you back then. I want to think I put my faith in the right person… I really do. I think Korosensei did some incredible things. But when I watched the way you acted in light of everything that came out about Kiyoshi I didn't see Korosensei. I saw the you I first met. Who was manipulative... who was self-serving... who just wanted to take advantage of me." She bites her lip. "...When I put a lot of faith into thinking you cared about me, that really hurt."
Makoto's water just a little. Thinking that he's not like Korosensei… that he really is just like the Reaper… it makes his heart ache. Those are his two greatest fears. He doesn't dare cry, however. Not yet. Not when it's so evident Fumiko is close to crying too.
"...I do care," he says, pawing awkwardly at his eyes. "I know I said it in a really crappy way… but everything I said outside about you being important to me… I meant it. You're my best friend. You changed my life. I would never make that up."
Fumiko blinks fast. Wiping at her own eyes, she says "...I guess it's just hard to believe that when you make everything else up. I guess it's just hard to believe that when…-" she drifts off. "...When so much of our lives are focused on what happened back then." She leans on Kayano, a heaviness to her motion. "Listen, Makoto. Do you even care about me? Like… really? Or do you just care about Aguri at this point?"
Makoto opens his mouth to speak, but Fumiko's words come out a stream.
"I know we were friends before any of that, but lately I'm worried it's… it's all you give a shit about! I know I'm self-centered. I know I'm mean and unpalatable and too harsh for my own goddamn good. And I want to be happy with the person I am. But it is so hard. And I'm so scared that… that the person I was is all that you like about me at this point. If I weren't Aguri… would you even care about 'getting me back?' Would you even have apologized? Or would you have just cut your losses and left me behind?"
She starts to tear up. She tries to turn her head away… but it's too late to hide.
"When you say things like 'You're acting like a bitch…' 'I expected better from you…' it makes me feel really, really shitty about myself. Makes me think '...Oh, right. That's why he left. That's why he chose Kiyoshi over you.' 'You're not one shred of the girl you used to be.'"
She lets out a low, frustrated, whine.
"I know I'm different! And I keep telling myself that's a good thing! But do you know how much it hurts when someone you loved so much can't see it too?"
Makoto stares… watches genuinely start to cry and feels something crumple in his chest. The way she says it so helplessly… so desperate for reassurance… he knows that feeling. He knows it more than anything! It's the same nagging feeling that's been haunting him for the past nine months!
Fumiko… she… she…-
...She feels the same way he has all this time!
One tear drips down his cheek… then another. His breath goes ragged and he starts to shake. He sniffles… whimpers, and before he even knows what he's doing he's begun to sob. Letting out little sputtery hiccups he stares across the room at Fumiko and cries "OF COURSE NOT!"
"Of course I don't just like you because of that Fumiko! Of course I wouldn't just give up on you! You are so… you are so perfect! Please don't let a screwup like me make you feel that way about yourself! You're not selfish. You're not mean. And you're certainly not 'too harsh for your own good!' You were just doing what you thought was right! I'm sorry for making you feel like a shitty person for it…"
"It's not your fault. And I never meant to hurt you in that way. I was just… I was just scared… and I lashed out because of it. But that doesn't mean you're not good enough! That means there's something wrong with me! I didn't 'choose Kiyoshi over you!' I would never! I just wanted us all to be friends again! And I know it's not that easy! But I did! It's all I want!"
"You two are so important to me. Before any of - forget all of that! I like you for who you are! I just… I just really hope you like me for who I am too. I know I'm stupid. I know I'm a screw-up. And I know I'm the real selfish one here... but I do really wanna be a person like that again one day. Someone who can do right by you. And I'm sorry if I'm not there yet. "
"I'm sorry if I'm not like Korosensei, either…-"
It's hard to breathe. Letting it all out like that in front of Nagisa… in front of Kayano… in front of Fumiko… it makes him feel sick. He doesn't want to be someone they have to worry about! But all the same… he knows he has to. He can't keep playing pretend! Doing that with his feelings is what got him into this mess in the first place! He has to cry! He has to… has to…-
...He has to let Fumiko know he feels some shred of what it is she's feeling.
He barrels into Nagisa's chest. Nagisa jolts at the sudden motion, but soon relaxes… rubbing tiny circles in Makoto's back.
That's when Makoto hears the chair next to him creak.
Makoto doesn't look up. He already has some inkling of whose voice he'll hear, anyways.
"...How… how long have you felt this way, too?"
Fumiko places a firm hand on his shoulder.
It takes Makoto a moment to respond. Thinking it over for a moment, he mumbles into Nagia's chest "...Since the beginning, I think."
"I mean… at… at first I was happy about it. I was happy to be that guy. And in some ways I still am! But the more Nagisa talked about him… the more I heard about all the good things he did for people… the more I thought 'I am never going to be able to do anything like that myself.' I don't have superspeed. I can't memorize textbooks. I can hardly even take care of myself! I'd have to be crazy to think I'll ever live up to that sort of legacy."
"And then I… I learned about the Reaper and it just got worse. 'Oh. That's who I am.' I saw myself in him, not in Korosensei. Some… some shitty guy who hurt everyone around him… who kidnapped kids and killed the best person he ever met. That's the sort of person I was. I'd just keep thinking about what he did and feel sick. I… I like… convinced myself that was all I'd ever be, too. That… I'd end up being just like him, and nothing like Korosensei."
"That's why I… why I felt so good about Kiyoshi! Because he was nothing like who he was back then! And that was a good thing! Maybe if… maybe if he could change and it could be an improvement… maybe if he could leave behind all the horrible stuff he did… then I could too. Maybe there was still a chance for me."
"...You weren't wrong. Misery does love company. I was using Kiyoshi. And I know that's wrong! But it was the only thing that made me feel good about myself. When you started attacking him… it felt like you were attacking me, too. Saying… 'Oh. If he can never change, then you certainly can't.' It was like… it was…" he sniffles. "It was the most hopeless feeling in the world. Did I seriously make you feel that way, too?"
Fumiko's quiet. Shifting slightly, she admits, "Yeah. I mean… it was always kind of a worry, but…" she pauses. "I was happy with who I was. I still am. But when you turned your back on me like that… said those horrible things about me… it made me doubt that for a moment. I never want to lose faith in that. And that's why I couldn't just stick around while you told me I was wrong. I… I know who I am. And I want to believe that's a good thing. I just also wish you could think so, too."
"I do," Makoto says, still not looking her way. "I do. I know I haven't acted like it, but I think you are awesome! And I'm… I'm sorry I made you feel like you weren't. You don't deserve that. You're nothing like me. Who… who cares if you're different? At least you still have all the good Aguri carried in her. You're… you're passionate… and funny… and kind! And you… you know what you wanna do with your life. You're not just living up to Aguri's legacy! You're exceeding it. Meanwhile I…- I..." he drifts off.
"I don't know! I think there's something wrong with me! I… I don't care about anything! Not like I used to! And I'm not half as smart! I'm just this dumb guy wandering through life! Causing problems wherever I go! Ma… making things worse for myself and others."
He hiccups. "I'm sorry. I know that's probably not what you wanna hear right now. I just… thought about you feeling the same way and I felt so sick . I'm sorry, Fumiko."
He whimpers and bawls into Nagisa's chest... shakes his head and sniffles. Nagisa whispers something and he hears Kayano hurry to her feet. There's a shuffling sound before she plops down next to the three of them. Nagisa murmurs a quiet 'thanks' and places a box of tissues on Makoto's lap.
"...Hey. It's okay," he says. "Take a deep breath. And remember what I told you... everything's gonna be alright. You're more than alright."
Makoto nods quietly, pulling away from Nagisa. He takes a tissue and blows his nose deafeningly before tossing it to the side. Fumiko watches him with a cautious expression… quietly reaching out to grab her own tissue and dabbing at her eyes.
"Well… I'm glad you feel bad, at the very least," she admits. "...About how you treated me. Not about yourself." She pauses. "Believe it or not, I don't think I could ever want that."
She carefully crumples her tissue, tossing it into the garbage can before turning back towards Makoto.
"I'm sorry I made you feel like some irredeemable thing. But you realized you could have talked to me about that, right? Instead of… instead of invalidating how I felt you could have just told me how you did. You didn't do that, Makoto. You made me out to be irrational during a time when I felt very unsafe."
"...I know," Makoto says. "...And I'm sorry."
"But for the record, Shiota-sensei's right. You're not some screwup. And I'm sorry about…" she pauses. "I'm sorry about what I said, too. I didn't realize I was hitting a sore spot. It just… really hurt me... rhinking that someone I was so close to back then could do so bad by me now. That doesn't mean you're worse. It just means you were acting like an asshole. I'd never think that… I'd never think that you were a downgrade somehow."
"I think that... I think that you're really 'awesome,' too, Makoto. You taught me how to be open with myself. And for a really long time I looked up to you. I haven't been sitting here thinking 'this person's inferior to Korosensei,' I've been sitting here thinking 'I'm inferior to this person.' I wanted to be just like you."
"...That's why it hurt so much when you did that. Don't get down on yourself... at least not for that reason. You're not objectively ' worse.' You just..." Fumiko's quiet for a long moment, expression defensive. "I don't know. Don't think... don't think me consoling you means I'm okay with what you did to me, alright, Makoto? But who you were back then isn't related to any of this. Not really. I'd be just as hurt if Kiyoshi pulled some dick move in this life and you took his side there too."
She frowns deeply... reaches out for another tissue and blows her nose.
Makoto watches her… a heavy feeling in his chest. He's relieved she's still capable of seeing something good in him. But all the same… that only makes it worse that he hurt her so badly. What was he thinking? She's right! He should have just talked to her about how he felt from the start.
...He should have just told her why it was so important to him Kiyoshi was given a chance.
But now… Kiyoshi has been given a chance. Or at least something close to one . And that's all in the past. What matters now is between the two of them. And that means…-
"What are we going to do about the two of them?"
Fumiko frowns. "What do you mean?"
"Korosensei. Aguri. How are we supposed to define what they mean to us?" Makoto lowers his head. "...I don't want to just keep living in their shadow if it makes us feel bad about ourselves. But they're not something I think I can just leave behind, either. No matter how hard I try, that guy will always be a part of me. It feels like ignoring him would just be lying to myself."
Fumiko thinks for a long moment, before admitting "...Same here. Though… I don't think I would leave Aguri behind, even if I could." She pauses. "I've learned a lot from her. And I've gained a lot from her, too." She leans on Kayano… gazes over at Makoto. "Friends… family… experience. I wouldn't give that up for the world." She interlocks her fingers with her sister. "I'm really happy with who I am."
"For the most part… I don't think my insecurities are even really an Aguri thing. Aguri makes me feel good about myself... like I've learned so much since that time. If anything… I think when I feel bad about myself it's more because I base too much of my self worth on what other people think of me. And because of Aguri I put way too much of that on you. I need to learn I'm worth something, even if the people I was close to back then… or the people I'm close to now are still trying to wrap their heads around that. That's okay. That's something I need to work on."
"But I can't tell you how to feel about Korosensei. If you never wanna talk about it again that's… like… fine. You certainly shouldn't be feeling inadequate because of him. But is that a part of you you're ever really going to be able to leave behind?"
Makoto's quiet. Deep down… he's not sure. He's gained a lot from Korosensei, too, hasn't he? And Nagisa's… made it more than clear he doesn't need to be the same to be good. It's just… - he guesses it just put a lot of stuff on his shoulders. Stuff he couldn't handle... stuff that he took personally… took out on his friends... and stuff that made him make promises he can't keep. He can't run away from who he is. But all the same…
"I… I… I-"
Makoto shuts his eyes tight.
"...I think I don't want to be a teacher!"
There's a long moment of silence. More murmuring, and then a "...What are you talking about?"
Slowly… Makoto peeks an eye open. Kayano and Fumiko are looking at him with concerned expressions.
"I… I know you guys probably all really want me to be. But I can't. I don't want to do that again. I don't know how much of Korosensei I want to keep… how much of me is still made of that guy… but I think about it and I just feel sick. I really want to do my own thing. I really want to be my own person. So I don't…- I don't have this inferiority complex hanging over me my whole life! Maybe if I… maybe if I do something he didn't, then I'll finally feel better about myself."
He turns to Fumiko. "I'm… I'm sorry I said I would when you asked. I didn't want to from the start and I really hope that doesn't ruin your dreams... but I can't. I only agreed because I didn't want to disappoint you. I'm not… I'm not good at the same stuff or passionate about it like you are. And I wouldn't want to hold you down!"
Fumiko stares at him. Frowns and says "...Has this really been bothering you that much?"
Makoto gives a tiny nod.
"Holy shit, Makoto... I'm sorry," Fumiko says. "I didn't realize…" she pauses. "I didn't realize you didn't feel the same way about that as I did. I guess I just got so caught up in the moment that I didn't want to notice. But of course I wouldn't have been disappointed in you. You could have told me how you felt." Her brows furrow. "...You could have told me how you felt about a lot of these things."
"I know," Makoto says, letting out a tiny sigh. "...I guess I was just scared you wouldn't want to do it anymore without me. I didn't want to make you give up on your dreams."
"...Makoto," Fumiko says. "My life doesn't revolve around you. Of course I'm still going to do it! I only invited you because I thought you'd enjoy the idea."
"And I did," Makoto says. "At least… I mean, in theory. It was nice to be a part of something. But the more I thought about it the more I got it was something I couldn't handle. I hope that's not…" he glances back over his shoulder towards Nagisa. "...I hope that's not a waste of my power."
Nagisa blinks.
"...How on earth would that be a waste?"
"Well…" Makoto pauses. "...I just know I helped you guys a lot. Kayano and Karma and everyone else. If I don't use what I'm good at, or at least… what I used to be good at, am I leaving people like that in the dark?"
Nagisa places a hand on his shoulder. Giving him a sympathetic look he reassures "Of course not, Makoto. It's not your obligation to help anyone, especially if it'll hurt you. You don't need to worry about taking care of people like that. Besides… other people have got this under control. I'll take care of kids like that now, even if sometimes I have my doubts too. You just do whatever makes you happy."
"...Even if I don't know what that is yet?" Makoto asks.
Nagisa pulls him in close. "...Even if you don't know what that is yet." He squeezes him tight. "You've got time to figure it out. I'm sure before you even know it your second blade will be sharper than any other."
Makoto wipes his face on Nagisa's shirt. Then, murmuring "...Thank you, Nagisa," he slowly pulls away. "Seriously. You… you…-" he blinks back tears. "...You have no idea how much that means to hear."
"Of course," Nagisa says. "I told you myself: Makoto. You can do great things all on your own. You don't need to depend on Korosensei one bit for that."
"Mmm," Makoto agrees. And while he's still not very sure what most of those great things will be… he thinks he does have one idea.
He turns back to Fumiko.
"Mind if I apologize, then? For real?"
She's quiet.
"I know I messed up a lot. But… I want to be a good person. Someone I can be happy with. And that means being able to accept when I was wrong. You don't gotta be okay with me if you don't wanna… I know you feel a lot of really negative things about me… but if you'd have me… I think I'd like to try. Being your friend again, I mean. I want to do things right this time. And if I want to be great… then…-" he pauses. "Well, I think being friends with such a great person would be a pretty good start."
Fumiko's eyes water. She turns her head to the side… lip quivering.
"...Do you really mean that, Makoto?" she asks. "...That I'm great? I gave Kiyoshi a chance. And… I think I can give you one too. But I have to know for certain before I do first. Do you like me for me?"
"I like you for you," Makoto says. "More than anything. And I hope..." He knits at his hands. "...I hope you can like me for me, too. Even if I wasn't very nice to you these last few months. And even if I'm a dumbass who got you killed."
Fumiko scoots slightly closer.
"...It wasn't just you, you know," she says. "...That I blame for my death. I don't even really blame you about most of the stuff I said. I was just… I was just so mad. You hurt my feelings so badly. I wanted to make you feel some shred of what I was feeling. But that wasn't an excuse to…" she pauses. "...You didn't get me killed. At least not alone. That was also on me. And on Yanagisawa. And on the world as a whole."
Makoto frowns.
"...A lot of people really failed you, huh?"
Fumiko gives a dry laugh. "Damn right."
"Well… I'm sorry I failed you again. And I'm sorry I hurt you so badly that… you felt the need to say those things to me. They certainly worked. But…" it's his turn to scoot in closer. "I'm willing to leave it as water under the bridge if you are."
"Not water under the bridge," Fumiko says. "I don't like that phrase. 'Forgive and forget?' it's a stupid notion. But… if you're really willing to improve… give me space and learn from this..." she places a hand over Makoto's. "...I'm willing to leave it in the past for now, at the very least."
"...Well," Makoto says. "That's not bad, either."
Somehow he just feels lucky to still be a part of her life at all.
Kayano and Nagisa seem to visibly relax as things wrap up. Looking over at Fumiko and Makoto Nagisa asks "...Is this resolved, then? I'd hate to leave anything unattended if there's still an issue."
"I… think that's all," Fumiko admits, finally relaxing some herself. Admittedly she's still a little on edge, but that entire conversation had been pretty eye-opening. She's thankful Makoto's realized why it had been wrong to lie to her. And even if she's frustrated it took him that long to get to that point, he does seem genuinely apologetic.
She didn't realize he'd been feeling so shitty about this. He'd just come across as so irritatingly optimistic that she'd forgotten he loved to play pretend. Of course he was upset about this. And of course he cares about her. He wouldn't have gotten so upset with the idea of her leaving, otherwise. Of course… that doesn't make it okay, but…
...Just this once, she's really hoping she can see him work on it.
He hops to his feet... flinches just slightly as he does. Nagisa carefully pushes him back down onto the chair- tells him to wait a second and grabs another bag of ice. He slides it Makoto's way with a frown.
"You're still a little roughed up," he says. "Be careful."
Makoto looks ready to complain, but must decide against it because he plops back down onto the seat and carefully nurses his cheek. Nagisa turns around for one moment- says he's going to text the two stooges and let them know he's got everything under control. He thanks Kayano again before whipping out his phone and starting to type.
Fumiko shifts uncomfortably as she watches Makoto sit there with his ice pack. It had felt so imperative at the time, but in hindsight she feels a little bad for jumping him like that. He hadn't even fought back.
"...Uh… sorry for that, too, by the way," she murmurs. "I mean… not just the rude stuff I said. Attacking you, too. I probably should have thought that through a little further."
Makoto gives a shrug. "Don't sweat it," he says. "I kinda had that coming. Besides…" he laughs. "It was pretty badass. You fight just like your sister, you know that?"
Fumiko cocks an eyebrow. "Really?"
"Yeah! And that's a compliment," Makoto says. "Kayano could kick my ass and I'd thank her."
Kayano's face flushes red. Shaking her head and looking almost humiliated , she interjects "Okay. Let's- uh! Not!"
"You can deny it all you want, Kayano~!" Makoto singsongs . "But I know you're cool! And your sister is too!"
He's already back to his usual cheery self. At least… almost. He keeps shooting her these little unsure glances, as if saying 'Is that really it? Are we really good now?'
Fumiko's still not sure.
"And… I'm… er- flattered," she says, scratching at the back of her neck. "...But… I admittedly still do have one question, Makoto."
Makoto cocks his head. "Hit me," he says, before pausing. "Well… not hit me! Please don't hit me. You get what I mean!"
He's giving her an awkward smile… laughing a little bit. Fumiko still can't quite look him in the eye, however. Not yet.
"...You didn't try to protect yourself. Why?"
Makoto seems surprised by the statement. Quiet for a long moment… then unsure, he asks "What do you mean?"
"When I tackled you. You didn't fight back. Like… at all," Fumiko says. "You used to be an assassin. Not to mention you weigh like… twice as much as me. If you wanted to you easily could have disarmed me. Why didn't you? Were you scared? Or did… you think you deserved it? You said all those horrible things… about thinking you're a bad person. Did you let me beat you up to punish you?"
Makoto frowns.
"Well… uh… I don't think I really had time to think it through like that," he says, sounding suddenly concerned. "And I guess that is a little troubling. But… nah. That's not it. Not really. I think more than anything…" he knits at his hands. "...I was scared of getting you in trouble."
Fumiko stares.
"I know you've got your P.E. uniform, and thank fuck for that. But I was still scared if I fought back that you'd get a bruise or something. Not only would I feel really bad about that, but… then your parents probably would have found out. I didn't want you to get in trouble like that." He pauses. "...I know you were mad at me. And I was mad at you, too. But if that happened I'd probably never get to see you again. I couldn't risk that."
He says it so… honestly, like he doesn't even have to think it through. And before Fumiko even knows it she's close to tears again. She bats at her eyes with her hand.
"Woah! Woah! What's wrong!?" Makoto asks. "Did I make you cry again!?"
"No!" Fumiko reassures, wiping a tear away with her finger. "...Well… yes! But not in the bad way. I guess I just..." she hesitates. "...I didn't expect to hear something that thoughtful from you, Makoto. That means a lot. Thank you."
She can't believe she'd ever thought he didn't care. He's bad at it… really goddamn bad at it… but he cares. She'd have to be a self-loathing moron to doubt that.
"Of… of course," Makoto says. "...It was the right thing to do. And like I said; I'm trying."
It's about then that Nagisa turns around. He says, "I think they've got everything under control over there as well. Turns out the two of them got separated, but Gakushuu's watching the class and it sounds like Karma had a good pep talk with Kiyoshi."
"Kiyoshi!" Makoto exclaims, hurrying to his feet. "Wait! How much of that did he hear? Is he alright?"
"Oh," Nagisa says. "I'm not sure. You'll have to ask him. From what Karma said, though, he's doing pretty alright. You guys just gave him a bit of a scare."
Fumiko frowns. She hadn't even realized he'd overheard any of that. She'd just been so caught up in the moment. She hopes she didn't say anything she'll regret. As mad as she is about him for… everything, she knows he feels bad about himself enough as is. Turns out the two of them might need to have another heart to heart.
"...Are we returning to class, then?" Fumiko says. "I'd feel awkward coming back after all of that, but…-"
"No need," Nagisa says, pointing his hand back over his shoulder and towards the clock. "I'm not sure you've noticed, but it's almost 3'o'clock. It's time for you kids to go home. Gakushuu's letting the rest of class out now."
Fumiko has to do a double-take. Admittedly she's embarrassed. She can't believe she managed to bicker for that long. Nevertheless… she brushes herself off and gets to her feet.
"Very well, then," she says. "...We should go. See if we can catch Kiyoshi before he's left. I believe we have some things to talk about."
Nagisa nods. He opens his mouth to speak, but not before Kayano can interject.
"...Actually… can I talk to him privately for a second? Before any of you kids do?" she scratches at the back of her neck. "...I know that's a lot to ask, but I think I've got some things to work out, too."
Fumiko isn't going to stop her. "Of course," she says, nodding. "Go right ahead."
Makoto hesitates.
"You're… not gonna yell at him, right, Kayano?"
"...No," Kayano says, her voice almost careful. "I'm not going to yell at him."
"Okay…" Makoto relents. "But you gotta promise, okay? He's a really good guy. He hasn't been making any of that up."
Kayano nods... stoping to hug Fumiko before peeking out of the room. Fumiko watches her go, something heavy, almost resting on her shoulders.
"...Want me to get your scarf?" Makoto asks. "I mean… you don't need it if you don't want, but… since we're friends again…-" He knits at his hands. "Well… I figured you might want it back."
Fumiko blinks. She'd almost forgotten about that entirely. She had left it in the forest, hadn't she? Had Makoto really kept it?
"I'd… appreciate that," she admits. "Thank you so much for-"
She doesn't even get a chance to finish. Makoto's already out of the room.
"Okay!" He exclaims. "Be right back! Lemme get my bag! I took really good care of it! I promise!"
Nagisa sighs.
"Don't worry," he says, standing. "I'll follow after him and make sure he doesn't give himself a concussion. You just wait right here." He pauses. "...Good job, by the way. I'm proud of you two for managing to talk that out."
With that, he departs, too. Fumiko watches him go, a strange sense of melancholy washing over her. She can't believe things had resolved so quickly. Was it really just a few hours ago that a fight with her friends had felt like the end of the world?
She's… glad she doesn't have to worry about that now.
Her classmates are dispersing now. Bookbags slung over their shoulders each gives her a concerned glance as they make their way down the hallway. Most don't approach, however. Something tells them it's not their place.
Fumiko tries her best to shoot them a look that says 'everything's okay now.'
Admittedly she's… humiliated she had that sort of outburst in front of them, but it had felt so unavoidable at the time. She hopes Nagisa will be able to prevent them from making fun of her too much. She's not sure what sort of explanation she'll give, but…-
"...Hey."
Fumiko glances upwards.
There stands a lanky boy: unruly black hair and a jacket tied 'round his waist. Seems one classmate hadn't been too afraid to approach her after all.
"...Yoshito," Fumiko notes, nose wrinkling slightly. "What do you want?" She pauses. "...Er. Sorry. That sounded accusatory. Here to check in on the circus?"
He snorts. "Now that just sounds more accusatory, but… yeah. Something like that." He puts a hand in his pocket. "What on earth happened earlier?"
Fumiko shifts from foot to foot. Averting her gaze, she admits "It's… complicated. Nothing you'd get, really."
"Nothing I'd get, huh?" Yoshito scoffs. "Yeah. Guess that's what I should have expected from Miss Main Character."
At first she thinks he's insulting her. But as Yoshito smirks she realizes, rather, that he's teasing her. Fumiko rolls her eyes and huffs.
"I hardly mean to be exclusionary," she says. "If anything I suppose it's just more related to some nonsense. Less earth-shatteringly 'I'm sure the common folk won't understand,' and more 'If I breathe a word of it you can and will call me a chuunibyou."
"I think I'll be a bit inclined to call you a chuunibyou either way. You dropped some awfully big names earlier, Hisakawa."
"Bold words coming from the guy who dresses like a Death Note character."
Yoshito's face flushes red. Instantly he averts his gaze.
"Be…-" he sputters. "...Besides the point-"
"I suppose," Fumiko admits, but it's her turn to smirk. "...Listen. Jokes aside, I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it yet. I know the whole class is going to be gossiping about me… and… I sort of deserve that, but… what happened earlier was actually really personal. I don't think I want to air it out."
"That's fair. I must say I'm disappointed to not be let in on the juicy drama, but…" he pauses. "...I won't push. You seemed really upset earlier."
"Damn right," Fumiko says.
"Did you at least get things worked out with Himura?"
"Yeah," Fumiko admits. "I think so." She rubs at her arm. "...It'll take a bit of time to work out how we feel, but… we had a nice long heart to heart. Can't say I'm nearly as mad at him as I was earlier."
"That's good," Yoshito says. "You two are pretty much inseparable. Dunno what the class would do if you two drifted apart."
"Eh. Can't vouch for the rest of the class, but something tells me you'd throw a party."
Yoshito grimaces. Face still bright red he retorts "No- of- of course not! Despite myself I've… come to appreciate your nonsense as much as everyone else." He pauses. "Besides… even if I maybe still am a little jealous of you two… how Shiota-sensei treats you and all, I'm starting to think maybe it's for the best I'm not wrapped up in your chuunibyou nonsense."
"Yeah," Fumiko admits. "...Probably." She gives a chuckle. "My life has been out of control as of late."
"Why not tell me about it sometime?" Yoshito asks. "...I mean… you don't have to. But if you're ever ready. In the meantime I'll try my best to keep the rest of the class off your back. Tell 'em you were… rehearsing a play or whatever."
"...A play where I lost my mind and bashed Makoto's head into a tree?"
"A play that got… very quickly out of control," Yoshito dryly responds. "Listen. Okay. So I don't really have a plan yet, but…" he frowns. "I know how much it can suck having everybody talk about you."
"...Yeah," Fumiko admits. "...Thanks, Yoshito. I appreciate it. I know I haven't exactly been the nicest to you."
Yoshito shrugs. "I haven't exactly been the nicest to you, either. It's the least I can do to repay you. Just… catch me up sometime, 'kay?"
Fumiko hesitates, but nods. "Can do."
It's about then they hear the pitter-patter of excited footsteps. Yoshito glances back over his shoulder… before stepping away.
"Welp. That's my cue to duck out," he says. "Seems your lil' compatriot is returning, and I've had enough headaches for one day."
"That's fair," Fumiko responds, just now acutely aware of her own pounding headache. "...Be seeing you around?"
"Yeah," Yoshito says. "Be seeing you around, Hisakawa."
It's only a few seconds after he's left that Makoto returns to Fumiko. He shoots him a glance as he leaves and asks "...Was that guy bothering you? I know he's a bit of a jerk."
"...Nah," Fumiko says. "Not this time. Seems like he just wanted to check in on us… make sure everything was okay."
"Awwwww..." Makoto says, cocking his head slightly. "Guess he's not such a bad guy after all."
It's about now that Nagisa's catching up with the two of them. Looking back his way… then over towards Fumiko, Makoto slides her her scarf. Smiling and taking a mock-bow he says "I figured it's time this returned to its rightful owner."
It feels like it's been forever since Fumiko last saw it. Taking the pink fabric carefully in her hands she thanks Makoto and drapes it around her neck. It falls over her shoulders and for a moment her thirteenth birthday is fresh. She still remembers how it had felt… how surprised she'd been when Makoto had offered her a slice of cake and such an innocuous gift. Could she possibly have known what would come next? The sort of friend she'd make in the upcoming months?
...She sincerely doubts it. Still, she's thankful. And putting it on... it feels a little like coming home.
"Thanks," she says, adjusting it carefully. "...I appreciate it."
Nagisa fondly smiles as he watches the two of them. "Hey. Why don't the three of us step outside?" he asks. "It might be a while before the others are ready, and if you wanna pass some time you can always try to assassinate me."
Makoto sends a glance towards Fumiko.
"...I dunno. What do you think? Wanna work together for real this time?"
"Depends," Fumiko says, bringing her hand to her chin. "Is there extra credit involved?"
Nagisa pales.
"Well- I- I can't exactly say that would be a fair scenario! It's not like the rest of your classmates are getting this opportunity! I'd hate to give you guys a chance for extra credit while they're-"
"I'm shitting you," Fumiko says. "...I'd love to."
"A… ah. Good," Nagisa says, relaxing some as he begins to lead the way. He swipes two rubber blades from his pocket, tossing them Fumiko and Makoto's way. "You two had a long day. I figured it might help to blow off a little bit of that steam."
"Yeah," Makoto says with a laugh, catching his blade effortlessly. "Turns out you were right, Nagisa. Beating the crap out of your friends in the woods really doesn't work. But beating the crap out of your teacher?" He bends his blade in his hands. "Now that's perfect."
It's no sooner than the moment they've stepped outside that Makoto lunges. Nagisa startles, but just barely manages to block the blow with his arm. "Getting to it quickly, aren't you!?" he asks with a laugh.
"Of course!" Makoto says, making another swipe at him. "It's only once in a blue moon I get to kick your butt with just Fumiko and I. I am going to take full advantage of this."
Nagisa glances over Fumiko's way as Makoto speaks. "Well! You heard the man. You two gonna gang up on me or what?"
"Right," Fumiko says, clutching her blade tight.
"Good," Nagisa says. "Let's get your feelings out… the right way this time."
Fumiko nods and rushes him. Making a slashing motion with her arm she brings her blade down upon his shoulder. He knocks her away - nearly throwing her to her feet- but Makoto catches her by the hand and she's free to take another swipe at her teacher.
Things aren't perfect… far from... but sparring with Makoto by her side, scarf flowing in the wind, Fumiko finally thinks she feels a little braver than before.
Karma and Kiyoshi talk for what feels like forever. At first he's nervous about it… but surprisingly Karma is pretty easy to talk to. He cracks jokes and says things Kiyoshi would quite frankly find inappropriate in any other situation, but in it's own way it's nice. Karma's always been a goofy bastard. It's relieving to see that nothing's changed between the two of them.
By the time Karma's phone buzzes, Kiyoshi's managed to dry his tears entirely.
Of course… he's still nervous. How couldn't he be? But he's glad to know he's got one guy on his side.
Karma digs into his pocket. Whipping it out, he gives it a quick glance-over before smiling. For a minute Kiyoshi is anxious… wondering what on earth's gone down now, but when Karma turns the phone his way all he has for Kiyoshi is an "I told you so."
[2/20/2031 2:59 PM:] [Nagisa💙] We managed to get it worked out.
[2/20/2031 3:00 PM:] [Nagisa💙] It's way too much to explain over text, but there's nothing more to worry about.
[2/20/2031 3:00 PM:] [Nagisa💙] If everyone's ready we can regroup outside.
Kiyoshi stares at the texts for a long moment… almost as if he can hardly believe it. Then, bolting to his feet, he cries "You mean it's alright!? Everything is really okay now!?"
"Well. I dunno about okay," Karma says, standing. "But… probably something pretty close. Let's meet up with 'em and find out."
Kiyoshi nods. There's no time to waste. Before he bolts down the hallway, however, he turns around to give Karma a quick hug.
"...Thank you, Akabane-san," he says. "For talking to me and for…" he pauses. "Well… for not making things weird. It means a lot."
"Well, I'm not sure I'd say I'm not going to make things weird, buuuttt…-" Karma starts to joke, but as Kiyoshi squeezes him tighter he drifts off. Expression relaxing he says "...Okay… yeah. Sure," before placing a hand on Kiyoshi's head. "...No problem, little man."
With that they're off. Waiting for them in the doorway of the school, however, stands a familiar figure.
"...Kayano," Karma says.
"Karma," she responds.
...She's not looking Kiyoshi's way.
"How'd everything go?" she asks.
"Oh. Pretty good," Karma says. "Kiyoshi and I had a bit of a pep talk. But that's what I should be asking you, really. Is everything alright with the others?"
"Yeah. Pretty much," Kayano reassures. "Fumiko and Makoto yelled at each other for a bit, but… they managed to get it all worked out eventually."
"That's good," Karma says. "I was worried about the two of them."
'No you weren't,' Kiyoshi's inclined to butt in… point out just how sure he'd been things would turn out okay, but he decides against it. Not in front of Kayano. Somehow he feels weird even speaking at all right now.
"I think we all were," Kayano says, stretching slightly. Finally… her expression drifts towards Kiyoshi. "Listen. You can head out… but can Kiyoshi and I talk for a sec'? There are… uh…" she pauses. "...Some things on my mind."
Suddenly Kiyoshi feels like a deer in the headlights. Reaching out for Karma's hand he squeezes it tight.
"Well… I can't exactly stop you if you wanna chat," Karma says. "Not my place. But…" he glances over towards Kiyoshi. "You alright with that? I don't wanna hang you out to dry."
"I…" Kiyoshi's mouth sure feels dry. "...I'll survive. It's only right for the two of us to talk. We'll… meet up with you again soon, alright?" He pauses. "...Thanks, Akabane-san. For the talk and for… everything else."
"Of course," Karma says, giving him a stern nod. "I'll be right out there bothering Nagisa. Let me know if you need me."
With that… he's gone.
Something tells Kiyoshi he won't be able to contact Karma even if he wants to. Now he's trapped here alone with Kayano. But… something also tells Kiyoshi he'd never forgive himself if he wasn't. The truth had to come out sooner or later, and besides… isn't this what accountability really is? Telling people the truth and allowing them to come to their own conclusion… not holing yourself up alone in your room and wallowing in self-pity.
"So…" he says, too nervous to not break the silence. "...I'm taking it you know now?"
Kayano's not looking at him. She's staring out the doorway… gaze fixed on where Fumiko and Makoto spar in the middle of the field.
"Yeah…" she says, voice quiet. "...I know."
She's got one hand propped up against the doorway and the other glued to the back of her neck. Shaking slightly... her fingers trace decade-old scars.
"I didn't know... for a really long time, I mean," Kiyoshi says, his voice equally as small. "...I didn't mean to hide it from you. I just…" he drifts off. "I guess I didn't know how to say it. I was scared you'd be mad at me... scared you'd hate me. I really looked up to you and I didn't… I didn't…" Why is it so hard not to cry? "...I didn't know if I could handle that."
Kayano looks as if she doesn't know how to respond. There's a horribly long moment of silence as she just stands there, expression unreadable.
...Kiyoshi takes a single step back.
"I want to," she finally says, eyes still glued to her sister. "I really… really want to hate you. I thought about it so hard and long..." Her hand drifts from the doorway and down towards her side. She balls it into a fist. "...What I'd say to you if I ever saw you again. Do you even realize just how much you ruined for me?"
"A little," Kiyoshi says, staring out towards where Fumiko and Makoto play. He can't bear to look at Kayano. "...I don't think I could ever really understand the full scope of it."
"You… you…" Kayano's voice wavers. "You destroyed me. I never got to be a kid. The one thing I had… you took that from me. In a perfect world I think I would be mad. I think I should."
Kiyoshi's quiet. "But… you don't?"
"I don't think so," Kayano says simply. "...I don't think."
She sounds... conflicted. Kiyoshi thinks he understands how she feels at least a little. He'd seen the same sort of hesitance from Fumiko. It's confusing, isn't it? How something you love so much can also be something you're so scared of.
('Don't give yourself too much credit yet,' he thinks, watching Kayano poke at the back of her neck. '...You're not very sure she loves you much at all.')
"...You hated me as a baby. Did you know that?"
Kiyoshi's head rises slightly.
"Pardon?"
"You heard me," Kayano says, still expressionless. "You hated me. I mean… you were always a bit of a brat… Irina and Karasuma would talk about how you bit and cried and kicked… but you hated me the most. Every time we visited you'd act like a dear for the rest… but the minute I held you you'd start wailing and wailing. "
"...At the time I thought it was something I did. '...Is my perfume too strong?' '...Maybe he just doesn't like being held by any woman that isn't his mother?' But I was never certain. Either way… I felt bad about it. You were… like… the first sign of recovery for our little ragtag group. Proof that even people as fucked up as the E-Class and its teachers could get better… grab happiness… start families."
"When you finally came around I was so excited. You reached out to grab one of my fingers with your squishy little hands and I just laughed. Getting to know you… getting to see you grow up all of these years… it was one of the best things I could have asked for. You have no idea how happy I was when you told me I had to be your favorite aunt."
"I don't…- some stupid part of me doesn't want to lose that. As much as I want to hate you… as much as I want to be mad… I've also seen you grow up for the past thirteen years. You've come into yourself so well. I've been proud of you every day for almost as long as you can remember. How could I possibly give that up?"
"As much as I don't… - I don't want to forget what happened back then… I also never want to feel that way again... as helpless as I did when we finally got a new member of the E-Class family and I didn't know what I was doing wrong."
There's a solemn sort of tenderness to her tone… nostalgic, almost. All the same, it's sad… vulnerable.
"I'm sorry," Kiyoshi says. He's not entirely sure what for.
"...Don't be," Kayano says. "I mean… do, but…" her eyes drift back over towards the field. "...What I'm trying to say is I think I don't hate you. What I'm trying to say is I don't think I could."
"I wouldn't be mad at you if you did."
"That's not what I'm worried about," Kayano says. "...I think I'm more worried about being mad at my damn self."
Fumiko and Makoto spar in the setting sun. Nagisa dodges each of their blows effortlessly. It's funny how strong he's become after all of these years.
"That's okay," Kiyoshi says. "...I think it's okay to not know how to feel yet."
Kayano hesitates… but nods. She takes a step backwards… inching in closer to Kiyoshi.
"...Fumiko told me about what happened."
Kiyoshi frowns. "...I know I didn't exactly handle it the best, but-"
"Thank you for talking to her."
Kiyoshi drifts off. Nodding, however, he says, "Of course. She… she…" he hesitates. "She deserved a chance to work out how she felt... deserved a chance to get an apology, too."
"You've done a lot for her. Helping her realize what she deserves… giving her the courage to demand those things." Kayano blinks slowly. "She was such an… she was such an unhappy person at the start of the year. If it weren't for you and Makoto, then…" she pauses… shakes her head. "-Well… I don't even want to think about it. I guess what I'm just trying to say is… I'm thankful for all you've done for her."
"Of course," Kiyoshi says, feeling an awkward heaviness in his chest. "...She's my friend. I want to do right by her. Even if… even if…-" his voice wavers. "...Even if I've done a lot to hurt her, too."
Kayano seems to mull that over… places her hand back on the doorframe and leans.
"If I had my way," she says. "I think… I think I'd prefer you didn't be around her. It's nothing personal… it really isn't. You've grown into a fine young man, but I just think about it and I feel so sick… imagining someone capable of that being around someone like Aguri…"
Her knuckles whiten as she clutches the doorframe. Kiyoshi thinks he feels hurt a little, but he gets where she's coming from. Sometimes he thinks he feels sick, too.
"At least... until I remember she's not someone like Aguri. Not anymore."
Kayano's words hang in the air for a long moment.
"I see… something I didn't see in Aguri in Fumiko. Just like I… I see something different in you. I don't see that altruistic, self-sacrificing girl anymore. I see someone brave... someone who's not willing to let herself get stepped all over. Who cares what I prefer? Ultimately it's her decision to make. And I… I think I can finally trust her to take these things seriously this time around."
"Of course… that doesn't mean I won't stand up for her. But… it'd only be unfair of me to rip you from her life. She clearly trusts you, Kiyoshi. And because of that I'm… I'm…" she flinches. "...I'm choosing to put my trust in you too."
She looks him right in the eye. "...I'm begging you. Please don't let me down. That… that spark I see in Fumiko… I don't want her to lose that. Watching her run around like a dumb kid… letting herself laugh… I know all too well that's something Aguri lost the ability to do a very long time ago. I don't want her to lose that again. And if… if I ever see you try to smother that out, then I will really never forgive you."
There's a deadly seriousness to her voice. A vulnerability, however, too. It's… more than clear she's placing a lot of trust in him. The sort of trust that makes Kiyoshi's hands shake. He really… really doesn't want to let her down.
"I… I won't," he says. "I promise." He takes a step closer to Kayano… finally meets her gaze. "...I know this must be really scary for you. And… I appreciate you for putting your faith in me. I won't take that for granted. Fumiko…" he pauses. "...Her happiness is important to me, too. I'd never forgive myself if I tried to take that away."
"I plan to be better. I swear on my life. Not just towards her… but… towards everyone. I won't repeat those mistakes. No more narcissism. No more science. No more blatant violence. I'm… I'm going to give up everything that guy was... no matter what it takes. So… people like you two don't get hurt again."
Kayano gives him a long, contemplative look. Her brow furrows… then unfurrows. But if something's troubling her she doesn't share.
"Thank you, Kiyoshi. That's very thoughtful of you. And… I'm sorry if I scared you or hurt your feelings. It wasn't very adult of me to pull you aside like this, but I just needed to make sure that-"
"No," Kiyoshi interjects. "...It's okay. I get it. You're scared. I could never fault you for that. Besides…" he smiles. "It wasn't a super bad talk. It… uh… actually cleared up a lot of my worries, too. I'm… glad you don't hate me."
'Yet,' that nagging voice in the back of his head chides, but he shakes it off. No. Not yet. It's more than evidently clear by now no-one is going to hate him unless he makes some horrible, horrible mistake, and… he doesn't plan to. He's going to do better now. Letting himself think anything less would just be giving up.
"Of course not," Kayano says. "Even if I'm… obviously not thrilled you're that person, you're always going to be a part of this family, Kiyoshi. I'm proud of you."
Kiyoshi shifts slightly.
"...For what? Telling you? I mean… I didn't even really... and it took a super long time."
Kayano shrugs. "For everything," she says. "For talking to me right now. I know it seems like the bar is underground, but..." finally, her hand drifts from her neck. "...It's a lot more courtesy than you've ever given me before."
Kiyoshi nods, but doesn't respond. Kayano must pick up on how nervous he is, because she finally shakes her head.
"...Listen. I won't keep you any longer. I don't want to make you worry, and…" she pauses. "I already feel a lot better about this. If there's anyone I trust to bear that burden it's you." She reaches out to place a hand on his shoulder. "Go and play with your friends already."
Kiyoshi jolts, but nods.
"Of- of course!" He says. "Thank you so much for being so understandi- it means a lot how patient you were with me! I won't let you down! I promise! I'll… I'll set things right!" He starts to scramble away, but not before he pauses. He grinds to a stop, turns around, and looks Kayano right in the eye. "...Oh. Wait. One more thing. Before I go-"
Kayano raises an eyebrow.
"...What is it?"
"This. Uh. Might sound weird coming out of my mouth, but…" Kiyoshi steeples his fingers. "...Sorry for getting you killed. Again: I know that's super weird to say, but I think about it and…" He drifts off. "...Yeah. Sorry for getting you murdered."
It genuinely seems to take Kayano a minute to realize what he's talking about. As recognition dawns in her eyes, however, she asks "...You mean on that final March 13th?"
"Yeah," Kiyoshi says. "...The last night Korosensei was alive." He frowns. "...I still don't know exactly how you lived, but… it looked bad. It looked really bad."
Kayano shrugs. "Eh," she says. "...Korosensei patched me up. I wouldn't worry about it. Besides…" she averts her gaze slightly. "Honestly… I don't really care about it. So much happened that night that that's basically in the back of my mind. More than anything I'm just mad about the way you treated Korosensei and my sister."
...Some part of Kiyoshi wants to take that as consolation, but the more he thinks it through the more he thinks Kayano's words just make him sad.
"Well… that's not very fair," he says. "As important as the people you love are… I think it's important to care about your own wellbeing, too."
Kayano looks shocked… before looking touched. Slowly, she nods… gaze drifting back towards where the kids spar across the field.
"...Yeah," she says. "You're right. I think we could all learn a little bit from Fumiko in that department." And before Kiyoshi knows it… she's smiling. "But I won't trouble you any longer. Don't worry. I've got that much figured out by now. So scram."
And Kiyoshi will. But not before he does one more very important thing.
...Kiyoshi runs up to Kayano's side and gives her the biggest, tightest hug he can possibly muster.
Kayano stiffens at first… but soon relaxes. Placing a hand on his head she says. "...Alright, alright. Love you too."
"Thank you," Kiyoshi tells her. "...For everything."
"Of course. I'll be keeping an eye on you."
A reassurance and a warning all in one.
...Kiyoshi wouldn't have it any other way.
With that he pulls away. He gives Kayano another thanks or ten before turning around. And then... feeling unburdened for the first time in a long time he sprints out to meet his friends.