Chapter 26
Never before has Soo-ling been so happy as this morning when he wakes up between the crumpled sheets to see Yue-lung sleeping beside him and the events of the last night come back to him in a vivid memory. He knows he will remember that night until his death. It was a night of laughter and tears, night of giving and receiving, night of joy and pleasure, night of unity and fulfillment. What Yue-lung and he did together was shaking, incredible and, beyond doubt, good. A thought occurs to him: is there still anything for him to achieve in his life?
Actually, it's almost noon; they went to sleep no sooner than at dawn. It was only then that they sated with each other, using their remaining strength. Considering his constitution, Yue-lung was probably much more exhausted; no wonder he's still asleep. Soo-ling has no intention of waking him. He put one arm under his head and only observes his beloved, filled with immense affection and pride. And gratitude for a miracle.
Although everything started in a very kinky way, almost scaring him to death - he couldn't move! - that one-actor theater quickly turned into a partnership. To tell the truth, now Soo-ling is able to understand why Yue-lung enjoyed attending to him so much: giving pleasure is even better than being given it. When he realized he could cause it himself, it was a satisfaction beyond compare. That he succeeded to fulfill his promise, too, is of a little importance; what matters is that they managed to experience that delight together.
It's quite an irony that in this particular case Yue-lung was right, choosing the courage, while Soo-ling was running away in fear. If Yue-lung hadn't had his way, it would've taken much longer for them to reach this stage. Yet, Soo-ling is capable of admitting his mistake and only being grateful. Yue-lung probably felt ready indeed; after all, he must know himself better than Soo-ling could ever know him. But, as he's lying down and staring at his sleeping face now - he never has enough of that sight - he realizes that he does know more than just a little about him... and certainly more than anybody else. And suddenly it becomes clear to him that Yue-lung can use his strongest points not only to hurt and take, but also to rebuild and give, turning his intelligence into creativity, his perspicacity into sensitivity, his tenacity into courage, and his charm into genuine beauty.
Soo-ling doesn't care about what they say: that love makes people blind. He wants to see the best in Yue-lung... maybe also because he senses that Yue-lung sees little good in himself. Soo-ling hopes he will be able to always support him and provide a counterbalance to all those negative thoughts and emotions he suspects inside him. Well, he has plenty arguments to object them, many examples and proofs of good he's witnessed... like the last night that was a show of complete unselfishness, a marathon of giving without thinking of one's own benefit. The last night, Lee Yue-lung was here for him, and only for him.
Soo-ling can't take his eyes off the sleeping man and asks himself if he could love him even more. Actually, he can't quite grasp it how come his heart hasn't exploded of the excess of affection yet. Once again he comes to the conclusion he's the happiest man in the world, and can't hide his smile. He wishes this moment never passed, but he knows he's being silly; there's still many good moments ahead. If anybody calls him a hopeless romantic... well, then be it. But if anybody tries to ever laugh at the importance of love in his presence, then he will be throwing punches.
Finally, Yue-lung lifts his eyelids to give him a sleepy look. Soo-ling realizes this moment of intimacy - they are only lying and looking at each other - is something entirely different from anything they did last night. Seeing how the sun lights an amethyst flame - and understanding - in those eyes, he suddenly becomes anxious. What if Yue-lung sees the situation unfavorably and starts to treat him differently now? What if the night events, from the perspective of today, will appear revolting and regrettable? What if he decides he didn't wanted it, after all?
'Don't say you want to end it all,' Soo-ling begs in his thought, knowing he's just stupid.
"Was it really so bad that you're wearing such an expression?" Yue-lung asks with sarcasm that is rare for him in the morning. "Last night I had quite another impression. Or maybe you consider me a monster now, after I deflowered and debauched you... hmm?"
Soo-ling blinks in astonishment. Apparently, his anxiety was reflected in his face and Yue-lung couldn't miss such an occasion to prey on it. That snake. "If it's with you, I'd happily let myself be deflowered a hundred times more," he replies boldly, aware of the blush on his cheeks; well, he's just being sincere.
"Sing, it's something you can do only once..." Yue-lung says, rolling his eyes.
"Are you sure?"
Now Yue-lung seems disconcerted and falls silent for a moment, averting his eyes. "It's not right that we pretend... That we forget that I-"
"I hoped to make you forget," Soo-ling interrupts him. "But it seems I must do it better. A lot of work before me. That is, of course, if you want it."
Yue-lung says nothing, but the look in his eyes when he stares at him again is so honest, so expressive that it moves Soo-ling. "It was great," he says briskly as he doesn't want the mood to turn too serious. "Thanks. I'm glad we did it. It was great," he repeats.
Yue-lung is still silent, but he reaches to him, and Soo-ling takes his hand immediately, letting their fingers entwine. His heart is beating fast and hard, and his chest is filled with such warmth he smiles again. He's never felt so good in his life. "Now I see that it's possible to faint during it," he speaks again, trying to sound casual. "I was pretty close to it last night."
"It's more common in women, though," Yue-lung mutters in reply and then looks at him again. "Sing... You really don't mind having sex with a man?"
'Isn't it a bit too late for such questions...?' Sing asks in his thought, but aloud he says, "It wasn't 'a man', it was you."
"You mean... You don't consider me a man?" Yue-lung asks with a frown.
"That's not what I meant..."
"Sing, the lights were on. You had to notice that, despite this hair and all, I'm not a woman," Yue-lung goes on in a troubled voice. "If you didn't, then let me stress now that you won't become a father, not with me anyway. I'm sorry if it disappoints you, but there's no helping the nature."
"I'm sixteen, not six," Soo-ling says between his teeth. "But even six-year-old kids can tell the difference between boys and girls, so don't fancy-"
Without letting go of his hand, Yue-lung rolls on his back and snorts. He can't hold a giggle ,and soon he's laughing out loud. Soo-ling forgets everything else, listening to that laugher that expresses joy, amusement and relief. He's never heard Yue-lung laughing like that and discovers he's happier he was just a moment ago because that laughter is the best proof he hasn't done anything wrong, just the opposite. He starts to chuckle himself, and soon they both are laughing out loud as if there was nothing to trouble them. Well, there isn't. They are just two young guys with a whole life ahead.
Yue-lung manages to finally calm down. He wipes the tears in the corner of his eyes and looks at him again. He just won't stop smiling, and he seems close to burts out laughing again any moment. Soo-ling understands it; he feels exactly the same.
"I don't know if I have anything against 'sex with a man'," he resumes the topic, "but I sure don't have anything against you," he says quietly but resolutely. "Even if we have no kids," he adds pointedly. This thought, however, makes him think of another thing, strange as that association is. "Hey, by the way... I didn't dama- I didn't hurt you, did I? It was my first time, maybe I should be... um, more gentle..."
"I have some bruises, but it's not a big deal, they'll heal in no time. If you're asking if you damaged me inside, then certainly not permanently," Yue-lung answers, and Soo-ling is horrified... which must be visible on his face, for Yue-lung adds quickly, "No, you didn't hurt me! Not at all, I just said it wrong!"
"You sure?" Soo-ling asks distrustfully.
"I'm sure. First, I'm not a girl, I can handle a bit of rough treatment, and the second... Well, I'm more flexible than your average person and have a high tolerance for pain."
"It was painful?! I should've guessed it. I'm sorry, I didn't-"
"Sing, are you even listening to me?" Yue-lung asks, squeezing his hand. "I'm saying I'm all right, so would you please stop treating me like some piece of art?"
Soo-ling decides to believe him, and he swears to himself to be more tender the next time... and, even better, get some knowledge about the male sex before that. He would never forgive himself for hurting him. He smiles because comparing Yue-lung to a piece of art is well-based.
"Hey, I don't like that look of yours," Yue-lung says, knitting his brows.
"I was thinking how beautiful you are."
Yue-lung frowns even more. "My hair is a mess, I should brush my teeth, and it's been a whole day since my previous shower," he announces with irony. "I'm far from be-"
Soo-ling interrupts him with a kiss. "You're beautiful and desirable," he says softly, almost in a whisper, leaning over his face so close that their noses touch. "You are sexy like hell, Lee Yue-lung, and you know it well."
Yue-lung stares at him, utterly stupefied. "It's the first time you called me by my name," he whispers in the end, without looking away, delight and astonishment mixing in his eyes.
"I know," Soo-ling replies simply. "You don't like it?" he asks boldly.
Yue-lung is still gazing at him with his eyes wide open, and Soo-ling realizes he awaits the answer with his heart racing because he wishes he can call him that. How is it that one so quickly takes for granted what he already got, and wants more right away...
"Leave it for special occasions," Yue-lung says in the end. "I'm pretty fine with that cheeky tone of yours on a daily basis. But maybe you want that I call you by your name...?"
"Leave it for special occasions," Soo-ling replies with a sneer but can't say any more as Yue-lung grabs him by his neck and pulls his head down.
"My Soo-ling," he whispers to his ear with a smile, and Soo-ling has the impression of electric current running through his body and has to stop a moan.
He can't, however, refrain himself from another kiss, but Yue-lung doesn't seem to object it and eagerly offers himself. His lips are soft and warm and their touch sends sparks down Soo-ling's spine as he sinks in the moist mouth, wondering how he could have lived without such bliss until now. Without breaking the kiss, he embraces the slim body below him, and Yue-lung slips his fingers into his hair as if he doesn't want to ever let go of him.
Finally, they break apart. Soo-ling presses his nose to Yue-lung's temple, while Yue-lung moves his hands onto his shoulders, and they lie like this, calming their breaths.
"My Soo-ling," Yue-lung repeats, and there's an amazing happiness in his voice.
"May I be yours?" Soo-ling asks in a whisper. "Am I okay?"
"I want only you," he hears the unwavering answer. "I told you: you are my last."
"It sounded like a proposal," Soo-ling mutters with his eyes closed.
"You expect me to propose to you the next day after we had sex for the first time? There's some limit to being presumptuous, Sing Soo-ling," Yue-lung says with a faked indignation. "Besides, aren't you a little too young for marriage? You should be eighteen..."
Soo-ling smiles, then grabs his hand and kisses all fingers one by one. "Since when is a mafia boss concerned with law?"
Yue-lung remains silent, so they lie like that for a longer while, embraced in a bit awkward position. Soo-ling is once more amazed by the fact how much he's got... No, how much he's still being given, more and more as the time pass, despite never having a need to even get it before. And he's surprised that relationship with another person - one could think: the most simple and natural thing under the sun - could bring so many sensations, emotions and essence into his life. Every moment he spends with Yue-lung seems to enrich him and help him grow. Maybe that's what happens when there's two people in a relation...?
"Thanks for letting me be with you," he mutters, aware he's being awfully sentimental.
"Thank you for being with me," Yue-lung replies in a calm voice ringing with a gentle smile. Then, however, he snorts and adds in that tone of complaint of his, "We're already talking like we were married ten years."
"That's horrible, I agree," Soo-ling says, holding his laugh. "We must stop, or we're going to have troubles later. But I'm sure we'll have enough imagination to... Ah!" That cry is caused by his hair being suddenly pulled by Yue-lung, who then reaches for his lips fiercely. Soo-ling comes to the conclusion there's no point thinking of what might be in the next ten years; soon, he stops thinking of everything else as well.
"I'll be happy if you have enough imagination just for one day in advance," Yue-lung whispers with ardor before kissing him again. "You did pretty well the last night," he says during another interval. "Knowing your lack of experience, it was better than... ah... good."
"I may not be a genius, but I'm a quick learner," Soo-ling replies in a similar manner and gently bites Yue-lung's lower lip. "So, as long as we do it together, we're fine. But don't worry, I'm going to do some research, too," he promises. "You won't get bored."
After yet another kiss, he moves his lips onto Yue-lung's neck, then his chest, and then his stomach, determined to leave new marks on the white skin... and do it every day before the old ones vanished. He hopes to leave such marks in Yue-lung's soul, too.
"You're mine," he says bravely, like he wished to do it since ever.
"So I am."