Author's note:
Ok, so chapter three of three. I will hold my hands up and say that this one is perhaps a bit of filler, but I didn't want to just skip forward two weeks without at least acknowledging the in-between time in some respect. So, please don't lynch me over it. The chapter title this time is a reflection of this chapters filler status, as the track five percent for nothing was exactly that on the Yes album Fragile. In fact, I have a suspicion that the band's drummer named it in reference to the fact that he got five percent of the albums writing credit money for doing thirty-five seconds of pretty much nothing. So, consider it a little in-joke. Anyway, enjoy it nonetheless and I'll see you at the end for a little chat about where we're headed next.
##
Chapter thirty: Five percent for nothing
It had been a rough two days for Kim Possible. She'd spent the rest of Monday in her old bedroom, whacked out on codeine or asleep, she wasn't quite sure which. She'd only returned to lucidity when her mom had woken her at ten-thirty at night; to give her something to eat, check her over and administer her next dose of antibiotics. It had been a frosty encounter. Her mom had sat and eaten with her, but Kim had not been in the mood to converse. The anger she had felt towards the woman, along with Shego, being at the forefront of her mind. When they'd finished, her mom had given her another shot of morphine, directly to her right-hand side, kissed her goodnight and then left her to go to sleep. She'd gone out like a light and managed to sleep through the night.
Tuesday had started out very much the same as Monday. Her mother had woken her, given her breakfast, her check-up and medication. Kim had then been left to her own devices while the woman had gone to work. Unfortunately, due to the high level of painkillers, she'd spent the day in bed, watching re-runs of Pals. However, every other episode seemed to contain some sort of event or scenario that would trigger a memory of Shego and she'd felt her anger towards the woman and the fact she'd questioned her sexuality, rise to the surface again. And each time, it had ended with thoughts such as, I'm going to beat the crap out of her for this, and, I don't like girls, however, she'd been forced to suppress a small voice that had said, "or do I?"
When her mom had come home, she'd been doped up on more codeine and escorted downstairs to dinner. While she'd not been in pain and been able to enjoy her food, she'd started to giggle at the slightest thing, funny or otherwise, even going so far as to laugh with and hug the Tweebs when they had suggested she be permanently kept on prescription level painkillers. She'd then sat with the family in the living room and they'd all watched one of her mom's favourite Steve Martin films; The man with two brains. It must have been the drugs at work again, as she'd found it hilarious. After it had finished, her mom had then taken her back up to her old bedroom and put her to bed.
It was now Wednesday and a decrease in pain overnight had meant a decrease in painkillers come her morning check-up. While Kim still had a cough, it had markedly improved since Sunday night. Naturally, she'd asked her mom if she could go home once it had cleared up, but again been told no, much to her chagrin. So, after breakfast, a shower and watching her mom drive off down the street to go to work, it was time to take matters into her own hands.
Kim rose from the sofa and walked towards the windows. The second she got within four feet of them, the heavy blast shutters shot down over them. She took a step back and they slowly retracted. Stepping forward again brought them back down. Moving back, she waited until they had started to rise and then darted forward, only for them to react and close once more. Damn those Tweebs! Even if I run full pelt at them, I doubt I'd be able to break through the glass without hitting a wall of steel, at least not without my rocket skates. She smiled to herself and headed upstairs to her bedroom to get her trainers. Only when she got there and located her clothes, she found a note that read, "nice try, Kimmie. Now go sit and watch some TV."
"Dammit, Mom!" Kim cursed and scrunched up the note.
Heading back downstairs, she tried the outside doors and other windows, but met with the same result; cold hard steel. She thought for a moment, how do I get through solid steel? Her Kimmunicator had been confiscated on Saturday, so she couldn't try hacking the system. However… The Sloth! Her car should have the ability to either hack, blast or, at the very least, burst through the blast shields. Her mom might have her keys, but she used them more out of habit than anything else; the Tweebs having installed a voice-activated computer system that negated the actual need for them. Determinedly, Kim headed for the garage. Only when she opened the door, she was met by the sight of an empty space and another note stuck to the wall opposite. "If you're bored with TV, Kimmie, why don't you read a book? P.S. before you waste your time, your Kimmunicator is back in your apartment." Absolutely infuriated, she scrunched up note number two, threw it across the garage and stomped back into the house.
Ok, no Kimmunicator, car or gadgets. What does that leave me with? The answer was simple; her brain and her still run-down body. Unfortunately, she was not Shego and so could not punch her way through the steel with a fistful of green plasma. Her anger bubbled to the surface again at the thought of her rival. Damn Shego! This is all her fault! And screw her for messing with my head and making me think I might like girls! I like… the answer failed to materialise …ARGH! Fuck this shit! In a rage, she stormed up the stairs. Time for plan B.
"TWEEBS!" Kim yelled as she threw the door to her brothers' bedroom open. It hit the wall and ricocheted off it; however, she was forced to duck when some sort of laser blast shot at her from the desk opposite. She glared at her brothers, who had both turned to look at her. "TWEEBS!"
"Nice going, Kim," Jim said irritably, "you just drained all the juice from our improved auto-turret's power cell.
"Yeah, we've been charging that thing all morning and were about to take it outside to test its targeting system," Tim added.
"I don't care about your stupid little auto-turret," Kim snapped. "What I care about is getting this," she held up her right wrist and pointed to the metallic bracelet, "off!"
"Prft, not our problem," Jim said as he turned his attention back to the auto-turret on the desk.
"Take it up with mom. We've now got to calibrate and charge the auto-turret all over again," Tim said and followed suit.
Needless to say, this did nothing to improve Kim's already sour mood. Storming over to the desk, she grabbed both of her brothers by the shoulder and spun them around to face her. Shooting them a death glare, she barked, "already tried that; mom's being difficult," put lightly, "but since I want it off and you two Tweebs created it, I'm making it your problem."
She must have looked terrifying because she managed to elicit the same look of worry on both boys' faces that they sported whenever something of theirs had blown up in the vicinity of their mother.
"Ok, Sis, don't go all nuclear on us," Jim replied nervously.
"Yeah," Tim chipped in. "We can always spare a moment for our big sister while the auto-turret is charging."
Satisfied that she now had their attention, Kim reiterated her demand, "I want this off. How do I do it?"
"The Alkatraz2000 is part of the Knox 3.0 security system. It's designed to conform to the shape of the wearer's limb so that they can't slip, prise or cut it off," Jim said as he took hold of her hand and stared at the bracelet like he was seeing it for the first time.
Tim followed suit. "Its position is monitored by the Skynet360 computer system, which automatically closes the blast shutters of any door or window the wearer comes within four-feet of. Its range can also be…"
"I don't care about its technical specs!" Kim cut in. "Just tell me how I get it off."
"You don't," Jim answered.
"It's designed so that the wearer can't take it off," Tim added.
"Then how does it come off?" she said irritably.
"That's easy," both Tweebs said in unison.
"Then tell me."
"Not so fast, Sis," Jim said as a wide smile spread across his and his brother's face, "that's going to cost you."
Kim gritted her teeth in infuriation as she watched Tim open one of the desk drawers and produce a stack of paper and a pen. "As you can see, we were prepared for this eventuality," he said.
Her eyes travelled to what she knew was another of the Tweebs contracts and it instantly reminded her of the one she had signed in order to get them to rebuild the Sloth. The one that had made her their 'ride monkey'. She looked at it warily. "What is it you want this time?"
"Nothing much," Jim said with a grin.
"Just the next piece of interesting villain tech that you snag," Tim finished.
Surprisingly, their demand sounded reasonable, which only led Kim to wonder what the catch was. "Define interesting."
"The term interesting is fully defined in section 3, pages 4 to 56," Jim replied.
"Feel free to read it if you want," Tim added, however, held out the pen for her to take.
Kim snatched the writing implement from her brother's grasp. "Just give me the gist of it," she groaned.
"Basically, you let us know the next time you snag some villain tech," Jim began.
"and if we think it's interesting, we'll take it and consider the contract fulfilled," Tim finished.
"And if not?" she asked.
"We'll wait until the next time and so on until you get something we like," Jim answered."
"So, are you going to sign?" Tim asked with a grin.
Grudgingly and with a feeling that she was going to regret this, Kim put pen to paper and signed her name. However, she was desperate to get the stupid bracelet off, so she could go home. Before the ink had even dried, the contract was whisked away.
"Hicka-bicka-boo?" Jim said.
"Hoo-sha!" Tim replied.
"Urgh," Kim exclaimed upon hearing her brothers' ridiculous catchphrase. "I've signed your stupid contract; now tell me how this damn thing comes off so I can get out of Tweeb-ville."
"Via remote control," her brothers said in unison. "It's tuned to respond only to a specific signal sent at a specific frequency, with a signature that is unique to the remote."
"Good," Kim said and glared at her siblings. "Give me the remote."
"Err… we can't," Jim replied, sounding worried."
"Why not?" she barked.
"Umm… because mom has it," Tim answered, his voice matching his brothers.
"WHAT!" Kim exploded.
"It's not out fault!" the Tweebs retorted together. "Mom told us to ensure that there was only one way for the Alcatraz2000 to come off."
"TWEEBS!" she bellowed, realising that her brothers had once again duped her. "The two of you are going to figure out a way to remove this blasted thing from my wrist or I'll…" she never got the chance to say what she would do to them as at that moment she broke out into a coughing fit.
When she could see straight once more, Kim found that her brothers had skirted around her towards the door. She spun around, intending to give chase, but her eyes caught sight of a computer tower on a trolly beside the door and she stopped when she saw the words Skynet360 monitoring system. "Is that the computer that runs the house security system," she asked as a thought quickly occurred to her.
"Yeah," Jim said.
"Why?" Tim asked.
"Excellent," Kim replied, a twisted smile forming on her face as she marched towards it.
Seizing the power cord, she just managed to hear her brothers yell, "WAIT, KIM, DON'T…" before she yanked it out of the wall.
A sound like rolling thunder echoed all around them and the house was plunged into darkness.
"What the?" Kim exclaimed but was quickly cut off by her brothers.
"Nice going, Kim," Jim said irately as he flicked on the light switch.
"The house blast shutters are set to engage should the power to the system be unexpectedly cut," Tim added.
"It's going to take us hours to reboot it," Jim finished.
"Great," she moaned long-sufferingly. "Not only can I not go outside, but I also can't even see the outside now."
Jim snatched the power cord from her hand and plugged it back into the wall. Both Tweebs then ignored her as they procured chairs and sat down at the PC as it powered on.
Now utterly defeated in her quest to escape her imposed incarceration, Kim defeatedly said, "if anyone needs me, I'll be downstairs watching TV," and trudged out of the bedroom.
##
Some time after Kim was inadvertently sealing herself and her brothers inside the Possible house, Shego was lounging in the library of Dr Drakken's lair, reading a magazine and listening to the mad scientist mutter to himself as he poured over book after book in search of a solution to his problem. After two days of successful technology heists, she'd arrived that morning to find her boss in a foul mood. Apparently, he'd made a teensy-weensy mistake in his calculations for the lightning-ray and was now desperately searching for a solution. This wouldn't have been any skin off Shego's nose if it had not meant that it was now pointless in her steeling anything else, as the list of required components could change at any moment. Indeed, it already had; five times.
The sound of a pencil breaking was accompanied by, "GAHH!" and Dr Drakken scrunched up another piece of paper and tossed it into the steadily filling waste paper basket. "There has to be a solution to the arcing angle problem somewhere!"
"Another one bites the dust?" Shego said airily as a thin smile formed on her lips and she flicked a page in the latest issue of Villainess magazine.
Drakken glared at her. "You could always get off your sassy backside and help!"
"Hey, you said it yourself on Monday. You're the super-villain who builds the doomsday weapons. I'm just the sidekick who steals the components for you," Shego replied with a smirk.
The mad scientists face contorted in outrage at having his own words flung back at him with pinpoint accuracy. "But… I didn't… ARGH! Go get me a new pencil!"
"Prft, not a chance, Dr D," she replied and then cast her gaze to the sofa opposite her. "Hey, Ru-Ru," the naked-mole-shark looked up from where he was lounged beside a bag of dry-roasted peanuts, "I think someone needs their pencil sharpened again."
Ru-Ru rolled his eyes but nevertheless got up and scampered off of the sofa, along the floor and up onto the table. Drakken visibly gulped when the naked-mole-shark snatched the pencil from his grasp. There was a short, sharp sound, like that of a buzzsaw, as Ru-Ru placed the tip of the pencil against his teeth and spun it quickly in his paws. He looked at the tip for a moment before jabbing the blue-skinned man in the hand with it.
"YOWCH!" Drakken yelped and quickly withdrew his hand. "Shego! That little beast of yours is going to give me lead poisoning!"
Shego stopped laughing to roll her eyes. "Get with the time's, Dr D. They haven't used lead in pencils since the seventies."
"Well, it still hurt!" Drakken exclaimed, not realising how ridiculous that made him sound. "So, control that naked-mole-shark of yours."
"I already do, watch. Ru-Ru, get me some M&M's."
She watched as the naked-mole-shark hopped down off the table scampered over to a mini-fridge, procured a packet of M&M's and brought it to her.
"See, he does what I tell him to," Shego said.
"Then tell him to stop attacking, biting, poking, jumping out at and threatening me!" Drakken yelled in infuriation.
She looked at Ru-Ru and gave him a wink, before replying, "what and spoil my entertainment? Dream on, Dr D."
The mad scientist's blue face turned red and steam began rising from the top of his head as his clenched fists shook at his sides. However, instead of making some sort of threat against the naked-mole-sharks life, he simply yelled, "fine! Don't help me solve the problem with operation lightning-ray. You'll regret it when I succeed in taking over the world and have you scrubbing my toilet!" He then stormed off towards the bookcase.
Shego laughed, like I'm ever going to let that happen. To be fair, the man's infuriation was warranted. Whether it had been jabbing him with his own pencil, gnashing his teeth at him or jumping out of a packet of onion rings, Ru-Ru had been terrorizing Drakken at every opportunity and Shego had been killing herself with laughter each and every time. However, what was even funnier was that she had actively seen the mad scientist start to peek around corners and glance behind him for fear of encountering the naked-mole-shark. I wonder if Ru-Ru can drive him to a full-blown mental breakdown? Nevertheless, in less than a week, her new roommate had more than earned his keep for the next month.
She glanced over the top of her magazine at Drakken, who had started pulling books out of the bookcase. "Yo, Dr D," she called out.
"What?" Drakken snapped as he turned around to look at her, conveniently at the point when Ru-Ru was running along the shelf above the one he was currently pulling books from.
"Why don't you try feeding 1.21 Gigawatts of power into the flux capacitor?"
"1.21 Gigawatts!" Drakken exclaimed excitedly. "Shego, you're a genius!"
She laughed internally as she watched him scurry back to the table and furiously start writing. Seriously, Dr D, how long is it going to take for the penny to drop this time? After five solid minutes, the pencil scratching abruptly stopped.
"Wait a minute…" Drakken said to himself, "…the lightning-ray doesn't use a flux capacitor and isn't that," the man's eyes shot up from his calculations, "SHEGO!"
Through a howl of laughter, she struggled to say, "seriously, Dr D, it took you that long? I thought you were trying to build a lightning-ray, not send us back to the future."
"That wasn't funny, Shego," Drakken growled as he stormed back to the bookcase.
It so was, but this is going to be even better. She watched with a grin on her face as the mad scientist reached out a hand, pulled a book off of the shelf, only for him to come face to face with Ru-Ru, who promptly bellowed, "BAWH!"
"ARGH!" Drakken screeched as he leapt three feet into the air and threw the book he had withdrawn even higher. He landed back on the ground with a thud and had just enough time to turn and glare at her before the heavy tome entitled Shock Treatment: Electricity for the Eccentric, landed on his head.
Shego almost rolled off of the sofa in a fit of hysterics. I am so never going to tire of this. When she could eventually see straight once more, she wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes and stood up.
"THAT'S IT!" Drakken bellowed. "BOTH OF YOU, OUT!"
With another laugh, she walked towards the door. "Way ahead of you, Dr D." She then turned her emerald gaze to the naked-mole-shark. "Come on, Ru-Ru, Dr Grumpy-butt doesn't want our company. Let's head into Middleton and get some Bueno Nacho for lunch."
"Mmmm, cheese! Yum-yum," Ru-Ru said as he climbed down the shelves, scuttled across the floor and up into the pouch on her left leg.
She had just taken one step outside of the library when she heard Drakken grumble under his breath, "…Bueno Nacho… Wait, Shego! I want to come too!"
Shego laughed to herself as the mad scientist scurried out of the room behind her. "Yeah well, you can steal your own food," she said and set off towards the hanger, Drakken in toe.
##
Author's note:
Ok, everyone, let's sit down and have a nice little chat where I tell you all my plans... Lol, so now I sound like a Doctor Who villain. But seriously, folks, let's talk.
While there was not a whole lot of character progression in this update, hence why I had initially intended it to be part of the previous one, the pieces are now in place for our mythical major event to occur. At the moment, I have written about 18K words of the next update and it is progressing well. However, I am unsure if I will manage to get it to where I want by this time next week. If I don't, I'll make a decision on whether I can split it up and give you half of it, or whether it will need to wait until I have finished writing the whole thing. If you don't see anything by Friday, assume I've had to go with the latter option.
Thank you all once again for the continued support and I will hopefully see everyone next week for what is shaping up to be quite a substantial update.
Warmest regards
K1G0