Arthur slowed Boadicea to a trot and took a deep breath as he approached the homestead a couple months after his last visit, his longest visit. He felt his breath snag, and he tried not to dwell on the realization that something in him was hesitant, uneasy. He focused on the sound the overgrowth made as it was trodden underfoot instead, the sensation shifting as Boadicea's hooves met the soft dirt path just beyond the gate. The mare's steps trickled away, and she stopped before ever reaching the hitching post, lazily dropping her head to graze on the lush green pasture grass, knowing full well where she was: home, as far as she was concerned.

"Come on now, girl," he mumbled quietly, looking down and tucking his heels in, gently goading her forward with his spurs. But she paid him no mind. He huffed an incredulous laugh. She was a well-trained, reliable companion. Never before had she shown him this behavior. It was like she'd already begun reveling in her time off. Complacent. She knew where in the world she was spoiled.

He looked up when he heard the front door swing open. He tried to rein in the bucking bronco in his chest, but it seemed just as deaf, reluctant, and ornery as Boadicea at the moment.

There she stood, her golden waves pinned half-up, her mouth pulled wide in a bright smile. His Eliza.

As she stepped into the sunlight, he saw she was wearing a bright burgundy gown, slightly faded around the shoulders. He was just glad she wasn't in black.

He smirked and looked down before glancing back up to see her already rushing down the porch steps. "Hey there, Freckles." He hopped down just in time for her to collide with him, her arms wrapping tight around his neck. She held him for a long while, and he closed his eyes and breathed in the soft floral scent of her.

She drew back just a bit, and he laughed as she placed a few tiny pecks across his cheeks before tucking her chin into the crook of his other shoulder.

"Won't you hold me? It's been so long," he heard her quiet muffled words beside his ear.

"Couple months."

"Couple days is too long."

He smiled and brought his hand gently to the back of her head. As she slipped her arm under his, placing a hand to his back and drawing him closer and tighter, he let himself relish the feeling. He heard her take what sounded like a pained breath and pulled back to look at her. "Hey, you all right?" But she was smiling so. As she pulled her arms up from their place around him to rest her hands on his chest, he watched her do a little bounce, and it reminded him of what he'd seen Isaac do in the crib when he'd come in to wake him up.

"Freckles?" she smiled bright. "That's a new one."

"Just missed 'em." He looked down at her nose with a grin. He looked back up into her eyes and swallowed. "D-did you…miss your…" he motioned to her belly. "A-are you…?"

Though her smile softened a bit, she shook her head without frowning.

He nodded and looked down. He turned and went into his saddlebag. "Either way, brought you this."

Eliza took the small brown bottle he handed her and turned it, eyeing the viscous liquid inside as she read the label. "'Nutritional supplement'?"

He nodded.

"Well, we'll take it every day," she smiled.

"I'm not sure Isaac can take it. Was really meant for you."

"Oh… Thank you."

He smiled, and his eyes traveled over her face; but he frowned, and his brows came together when he saw a pink scuff on her chin. "What the hell is this?" He gently brought a finger under her chin to lift it and look at the underside. The scrape was worse underneath, with little scabbed, striated cuts set on the backdrop of a yellowing bruise.

"Nothin'—"

"Who did that to you?"

"No one, Arthur, it's nothin'!" she laughed. "I tripped and fell in the dirt, if you must know! I was lucky you weren't there; you woulda laughed at me—I woulda laughed at me! It wasn't one a' my more graceful moments," she chuckled quietly.

"Yeah, well…" he grumbled. "You oughtta be more careful."

"I could say the same about you—look at you!" she said, gently turning his face and clucking her tongue at the sight of a thin ravine along the top of the high point of his cheek. She traced the edge with her fingertip and flinched a little when he winced. "It'll be another scar," she sighed with a smile. "You're lucky you look just fine in those."

They smiled at each other, and Eliza turned at the sound of labored breathing and whining behind her. There was Isaac in nothing but his cloth diaper, squatting and grabbing onto the porch step, turning and reaching a foot for the next one. When he finally reached the dirt, he ran up to his father barefoot and reached his arms up for him with a smile and a high-pitched little, "Aahh!"

"Aw, there's my bud." He bent and scooped him up, setting him on his hip. When Arthur planted a kiss on his soft cheek, he smiled bright.

"You were supposed to be nappin' on your blankets in the sittin' room…" Eliza smiled at Isaac with a knowing tone.

"Why?" Arthur asked, lifting him slightly again to get his own arm in a better position.

"'Cause I needed some time to get some stuff done around the place."

"I'll get it done for ya."

She looked up at him as she slipped Boadicea a sugar cube and rubbed the velvet place between her nostrils. "Oh, no…you need to rest, Arthur. I'd like you to rest."

"It's no trouble," he chuckled.

As they began to turn to go into the house, she looked back at him. "Oh… Your face," she laughed. "You're a little sun touched." She brought her fingers up to lift some strands of hair dangling on his forehead and smirked. "Come with me."

She took him by the hand and drew him inside. As Arthur stopped just inside the door and removed his satchel and gun belt, she went to the kitchen table. She picked his hat up from the table top and ran a hand over the various little scuff marks in the black leather. After everything, the sight of it did so many things inside of her. It brought deep comfort and made her heart leap all at once. But she was ready for it to go back to the one who gave it such meaning in the first place.

When she turned, he was by her side with Isaac still on his hip. She held it out to him. "Kept it safe and sound for you."

He looked at it and grinned, growing quiet. "Just leave it lie for now. I'll grab it next time I head outdoors."

She smiled and set it back down, stepping close.

Arthur let himself look her right back in the eyes. As she brought her mouth close to his, he felt that bucking bronco again, the sound of each harried stamp of a hoof echoing the pulse of the unruly organ in his chest. She lingered there, hovering close; and he wondered if she knew this power she held over him, what she could do to him, or if she felt it just the same. It was almost like there was an invisible thread that ran from her body to his.

When she closed her eyes and he finally tasted her lips against his, lips that he'd only been able to imagine for the past eight or nine weeks, the bronco began to soothe and breathe easy. Then again, no one he knew could tame a horse as well as Eliza. She was so soft against him, her mouth warm and smooth as hot buttered rum. The deeper they went, the more carried away they got, until he heard the squeak of their lips as she drew her mouth away.

"Mmm… Good to be back," he said quietly with a smile and rested his forehead against hers. When he saw that she'd looked down without ever looking him in the eyes again, he grew concerned and followed her face. "What is it?"

"Um, mm…" she mumbled, "I was just…wondering…" she finally brought her eyes up to his, "how long you think you'll stay this time."

He looked down at the floor between them and nodded before looking back up at her. "Hey… Long as I'm here, let's not think about when I have to leave again. Let's just not think about it, huh?"

She tried to force a smile, rather unsuccessfully, at the thought of adding another thing to the list of things she didn't talk about. But when she searched his eyes, she considered how his words meant he must feel—that he didn't enjoy the thought of leaving, and he wanted to enjoy his time with them. At that, a small but genuine smile appeared on her lips, and she nodded.

He smiled and kissed her forehead. He suddenly sniffed and made a face. "Oof…What is that?"

She leaned forward and took a whiff of Isaac. "You're foochy, baby. Time for a change." She reached out her arms for him, but Arthur kept him.

"I can do it."

Her smile went wobbly, and she tried not to laugh. "Really?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"All right." She led him to the bedroom where she had the changing things and spread a thick blanket over the bedspread. She dampened a few washcloths and brought them to the bed along with a wicker laundry hamper in her arm.

"That's a lot," Arthur eyed the washcloths warily as he laid Isaac on his back.

She chuckled. "Sometimes it takes a lot."

"Well, let's just hope this ain't one a' those times." He grinned when he heard her chuckle again. He removed the big clothes pin and peeled open the diaper, and his shoulders relaxed. "Ah, it ain't that bad. Ugh, smells like death though." He covered his nose with his forearm. "How can somethin' so awful come outta somebody sweet as you, kid?"

"I've smelled worse," she smirked as she handed him a washcloth. "You asked for this."

"And I'll handle it just fine." He began trying to wipe him, but Isaac stuck his feet straight up in the air and tried to grab at them. "No—" Arthur sighed. "You have to keep your legs slack for me, bud."

Eliza held out a wooden puzzle box, and Isaac immediately took it, holding it up and fumbling with it while his legs relaxed again.

"Distraction," she smiled at Arthur.

Arthur proceeded to lift one of his legs at a time to wipe him clean. As he did, he heard a quiet little tune come from Isaac, so soft, it must've been to himself.

"Kah too fow, woo woo fa ahh, uhh abaahh, see fooo…"

"Is he singin'?" he looked at Eliza.

She smiled and nodded. "He wishes he could talk so bad."

"He don't know it, but he's sure close," he grinned. "It's 'cause you sing to him so much. He's emulatin' you."

Eliza grinned wide.

As Arthur finished and tossed the washcloth and dirty diaper in the hamper, Eliza held out a new diaper cloth and a little round tub with a puff in it.

"Powder," she said.

Arthur slipped the new diaper under him and patted him with the powder before pinning the diaper closed. "There. Look good?"

She nodded.

"We did it, Isaac. Who knew?"

At the sound of his name, Isaac looked past the wooden puzzle at him.

"Let me see here…" Arthur said with a hand on his chin, leaning forward. "I think I gotta count your ribs, make sure you got enough." He pinched him repeatedly, and Isaac smiled and squealed, dropping the puzzle.

Eliza smiled, pulling her knee up and resting her mouth against it as she watched from the head of the bed.

"Let's see… What's under here?" Arthur pulled up his arm and tickled him there, and Isaac giggled in delight, pulling his arm back. Arthur stuck his fingers in his neck, and he giggled again, quickly shrugging tight and recoiling. "Gotta check, kid."

As his giggling faded away to a low, wary sort of groan, Isaac smiled wide and watched his father intently.

Arthur turned the top of the diaper down just a bit, so Isaac's navel showed. "That's about the best button I've ever seen," he said, looking at Eliza. "You ever seen a better one?"

"No, sir," she shook her head confidently with a grin.

"Let's try it out." He bent and blew a big, spurting kiss into his belly.

Isaac screamed and cackled, and both his parents let out a big laugh with him as he writhed and tried to get away. He finally flipped onto his belly and crawled away a few steps. He stood and turned to look back at his father with a bright smile and a twinkle in his eye, groaning deep and wary, his breathing low and still mingled with squeaking laughs. But where he'd stopped crawling, he was now close to the edge of the bed and teetering.

"Oh! He's gonna fall—!" Eliza called out.

As she spoke, Arthur reached out and yanked him gently back to safety by the arm. "Nah, kid, come back here."

As he pulled him back, Isaac continued to giggle, now out of breath. "Nooo!"

Arthur smiled. "He likes 'no'," he said to Eliza.

"Oh, he's good at 'no'."

He looked back at Isaac. "You don't want me to count your ribs?"

"No," he said with a bright grin, trying not to laugh.

"You don't want me to check under your arms?"

"No."

Arthur smirked and squinted at him. "You want a spoon a' honey?"

"No."

Both his parents laughed.

"Don't rile him up," Eliza said quietly. "He's supposed to take a nap."

"Why? You still on that?"

"I told you, I need to do some things. Just gardening, and—"

"And I told you I'd do it for ya."

She shook her head. "It's just part of his rhythm, Arthur. He needs a nap."

He sighed. "All right." He left the room and closed the door partway behind him. He stayed and watched as Eliza took him and sat back against the headboard with him on her lap, whispering and cooing to him.

Isaac looked up at her with a big smile and lifted a hand to her neck, turning the knuckles of his curled fingers back and forth.

"No," she smiled, gently bringing his hand away. "No more tickling. It's nap time. Shhh. It's go to sleep time." With their legs stretched straight forward, she took both of his hands in hers so he couldn't fidget and slowly rocked side to side with him. "Lalalu… Lalalu…" she sang over him ever so softly. "Oh, my little sweet little angel. Fold up your wings, close your eyes."

Arthur smiled at the sight of Isaac already yawning wide, and he realized his earlier session of winding down had been interrupted.

"And may love be your keeper… Lalalu… Lalalu…"

A few minutes later he was out cold, and Eliza carefully slipped him off of her and onto the bed, propping pillows all around him. Arthur watched his round belly rise and fall softly in slumber, his left arm curled up near his face.

She came out and left the door cracked behind her.

"Sorry I wound 'im up," he said.

"Oh," she waved a hand. "Are you kiddin'? He loved it!" she whispered. "I didn't mean to make you feel badly. Don't ever feel sorry for makin' 'im smile, Arthur."

He nodded. "I'munna go for a hunt, catch you some things."

"Are you sure?"

He nodded again. "I'll do the gardening for ya when I get back."

When he returned from hunting and walked to the side of the house for a drink from the water pump though, he saw her on her hands and knees in the soft dirt of the garden. He rolled his eyes as he lifted the ladle to his mouth. He watched her begin to stand, but she teetered and faltered.

He immediately dropped the ladle and rushed to her. "Liza!" She stumbled again before he got to her side. "You all right?" He took hold of her elbow and steadied her.

"It's just…I got up too quickly," she tried to laugh. "It's my head. Ooh…" She grimaced and held her temple. "I think it's just from workin' in the hot sun so long without water."

Arthur eyed her hand that held her waste to support herself as he began guiding her to the porch. "Told you I'd do that for ya, now," he said sternly, but with a gentle tone.

"Oh, my kerchief," she said.

"I got it." He turned and picked it up. He took her inside and sat her at the kitchen table.

Eliza sat forward with both elbows planted on the table and massaged her temples with her eyes closed. A few seconds later she felt something cool come to her forehead. She opened her eyes and reached up to find a cool, dampened washcloth at her forehead. She looked up to see Arthur holding it there until he was sure she had it.

"Gotta get your temperature to come down."

"Thank you," she tried to smile against the pain.

"Here, drink some water too." He sat a cup in front of her. They heard Isaac rustle awake from the cracked bedroom door, and she moved to get up. "I'll get him," he waved her back down as he went to the bedroom. He came out with Isaac on his hip, who was grinning up at him.

She smiled. "No lovelier sight."

.

Later that evening after she'd bathed Isaac and dressed him in his nightgown, she readied him for bed, but he wouldn't allow himself to be put down. She laid him in his crib, turned the lamp out, and left the room though he was still awake, and he whined and cried. She finally returned to him and picked him up, trying to soothe and sing to him, but he whimpered and groaned. She stayed up with him for another hour, but whenever he would yawn and begin to rub his eyes, he would arch his back and kick to keep himself awake.

"What's goin' on?" Arthur popped his head into Isaac's room, still in his long johns.

"He's fightin' sleep," she said over his crying. "I've tried just about everything. He won't have it tonight."

He sighed. "I told you not to let him nap…"

"It's not that," she said. "He always has a nap. It's just tonight… I think maybe he doesn't want to miss out on you."

Arthur smirked and watched him yawn and rub his eyes, then kick and whine. "All right, enough a' this. Let's try somethin' different. Meet me outside in a couple minutes."

When Eliza brought him outside, Arthur was waiting atop Boadicea in the dark. "Brilliant," she smiled as she lifted him up to him.

"Come on, bud," he grinned as he took him. "Let's have you sit in the saddle, so you get the full effect." He sat him in front of him and brought his hand around to his belly. Isaac tilted his head back for a moment and looked up at him with a smile. Arthur looked back at him and grinned as he gently goaded the mare forward.

"Just gonna ride round the cabin for a bit," he called back to Eliza as she smiled and went back inside. He kept Boadicea's pace steady, and Isaac reached his little hand out for the horn. "Now, we've had just about enough a' you wrestlin' with the devil, boy," he said calmly, his gravelly voice low and warm. "Why're you givin' your mama such a hard time, huh?" He lifted the reins a tad and took the horse around the cabin. "You know you're gonna need to watch out for her." He felt himself frown just a bit. "I…I can't do it. Not all the time, much as I'd like to. You're gonna have to be the man a' the house one day." He shook his head, continuing to talk as they rode around the cabin several times. "I ain't sayin' she can't take care of herself. She's proven she can just fine. Had to, matter of fact. Well…you know what I mean." He looked down and chuckled. "No. You don't. I'm talkin' to a babe. Well, I guess we'll have to have this talk again when you're older." He reached forward and patted Boadicea's neck. "What, nine, ten maybe?"

He watched Isaac's hands fall off the horn, and his eyelids began to droop. "Yeah…just what I thought," he smiled. "A horse's rhythm's gonna put ya right to sleep."

Isaac opened his eyes again and looked around, as if knowing what he'd said.

"Shh-shh," Arthur whispered. He slowed Boadicea's pace even further, til it was smooth and lazy. He watched Isaac begin to slump back against him and listened to the sounds of his yawn and his lips smacking together. "You like songs, huh? I ain't as good as your mama. Nowhere near," he grinned. "But let's see what I got for ya…" He thought for a while, but finally came up with one. He kept his voice low and quiet. "I'm a deep water sailor just come from Hong Kong, give me some whiskey, I'll sing you a song. Way, hey, blow the man down…" As he came around to the front of the house again, Eliza was standing on the porch with her arms wrapped around her. "Give me some time to blow the man down…"

"Arthur!" she whispered. "Isn't that about a ship capsizing?"

He shrugged sheepishly. "Cleanest song I know."

She laughed and shook her head.

They looked down at Isaac. By then, he was a lump on a log, his head slumped to the side as he leaned back against his father.

"Poor little thing," she chuckled as Arthur carefully passed him to her. "He was so sleepy." She looked up at him, her eyes brightly gleaming as she rested Isaac's head on her shoulder. "Thank you, Arthur."

He grinned and nodded. "Happy to do it."

He stabled Boadicea in the barn and went to stand at the corral fence, resting his forearms across the top. A while later, Eliza appeared beside him in her nightgown.

"You stargazin'?" she asked.

"Hm? Oh, I didn't notice 'em."

"You weren't lookin' at the stars?" she laughed. "How could you miss 'em?"

He looked up at the spread of glittering pinpricks of light and chuckled. He could always count on Eliza to point them out.

She smiled and crossed her forearms along the top of the fence, just like he was doing. "Long day." She listened to him huff a laugh in response. "Wish you'd rest when you get here."

"Lot to get done."

She met his eyes in the moonlight as he looked at her. "I usually have a hold on things, Arthur. Today was just an off day."

"I don't doubt it. Really. I don't, Liza." He shook his head. "And I didn't mean to say I had to pick up the slack." He smirked at her. "Now if I ain't allowed to apologize for makin' Isaac smile, you ain't allowed to think I feel that way."

She smiled and rested her chin on her forearm. "Deal." When he grinned and brought his arm up, she slipped under and into his chest as he brought his arm back around her to the fence. "Still wish you'd rest."

Arthur began to let out huffed little laughs—a few here and there, then they'd fade, and a few more spontaneously emerged.

"What?" she turned her head to look up him. She grinned wide and shook her head as he continued his delirious little laughs. "You are so tired." She ran a hand onto his chest. "Let's get you outta these long johns, huh? Get you into a bath."

He let out a low whine as his brows pulled up. "I just don't think I have it in me tonight, darlin'—"

"No, Arthur, I mean a real bath, just a bath!" she laughed. "Come on. I'll start one up for you."

He followed her inside to the bedroom and began removing his clothes as she prepared the water; by the time she was finished, it was steaming. He slipped into it and let out a long sigh.

"There's that smile," she grinned. "Same one Isaac has every time he gets into a bath."

He smirked as she bent and kissed him on the temple. He watched her brush her hair and rub balm into her hands, quiet routines that he found such peace and comfort in these days.

.

In the middle of the night when they were both lying in bed in their nightclothes, Arthur was sound asleep on his belly with one leg bent up like a gecko while Eliza tossed a little. He finally woke, opening his eyes and looking over at her.

"Did I wake you?" she whispered as he turned onto his side towards her. She started getting up. "I'll go lie on the sofa—"

"Naw, no," he shook his head, catching her wrist. "What're you thinkin' of?"

She relaxed back into the mattress beside him.

"You havin' trouble sleepin' again?" he asked quietly.

She nodded slowly and forlornly.

He watched her turn, and with her back towards him, she pulled something from under her pillow and looked down at it in her hands. He reached over her to the bedside table and turned the kerosene lamp on. "What you got there?"

She turned slightly onto her back, though he was close enough that she ran into him before meeting the mattress, and revealed the tiny cream-colored crocheted bootie in her hand. "I only got so far as makin' the one…" She ran her fingers along the outside of the soft yarn rim.

Propped up on his elbow, he held his head in his hand. "You wanna talk about her?" He watched her frown deeply as a single tear slowly dripped down her smooth cheek, catching the lamplight. He felt his throat tighten and felt himself frown with her. He was being forced to know it more and more, that he didn't think anything in the world could hurt him more than watching her cry.

She stared at the bootie and finally opened her mouth, her small voice all she could manage for the moment. "What's there to talk about?"

His chest wanted to crumple like newspaper at the words, at the thought that unlike his son, hers was a life that had never seen the sunlight.

"Hope was just that… A hope." She swallowed hard. "'Only fools…'" She shook her head as she took a breath to steady herself. "I was told a long time ago that only fools hold onto hope. Guess it's been tacked up in my head these days." She gave her head one more shake as she watched the yarn give and sway easily under her fingertips. "Thing is…part of me wants to be so angry. To burn this and say, 'Hopes are worth nothin' in and of themselves, mean nothin' if you don't get what you're hoping for in the end.' But I know that's just makin' it all about me." She licked her lips as her brows drew up. "And more than anything, all I want is for her to know she meant something to someone." She sniffed. "Because she did. She really did."

He brought his right hand up to feel the soft stitches of the bootie.

"Isaac is all the treasure I could ask for," she smiled, her chin trembling. She finally looked over at him and met his eyes as another tear fell towards the mattress. "Do you think she's up there, Arthur? In heaven, waitin' for us?"

He was caught off guard, and he wished his mind didn't go as stiff as it did. For you, maybe, he thought first. And then, I don't know what I think. Finally, he managed a broken nod as he blinked slowly.

She nodded and struggled to smile again. "She'll just have it before we do," she whispered to herself and took another breath. "That's what I'll set my hopes on then," she looked at him and sincerely smiled through the tears in her eyes, bringing her hand lightly to his cheek, "and say no more about it."

Arthur watched her turn, close her eyes, and press the bootie tightly to her lips before placing it in the drawer of the side table and closing it. And he surprised himself when he wanted to see it again, the only proof besides their aching that she'd ever existed.

With his head still propped up, he lowered his mouth and gently kissed the exposed skin of her shoulder. "You were made to be a mother."

She turned and looked him steadily in the eyes. "You were made to be a father."

He smirked and breathed a soft chuckle through his nose, resting his forehead against her temple. "Only you think so."

"Because only I see you."

He swallowed as she kissed him once on the lips. He watched her as she brought her hand over his forearm, turned to rest her cheek on the pillow and closed her eyes; and he could still feel her ache, like being bruised all to hell, but on the inside. He softly kissed behind her ear and brought his left arm under her neck before dropping his head beside hers on the pillow. Slipping his arm under hers, he rested his hand lightly atop her abdomen and folded his legs in flush against hers so they were almost stacked together. He nestled in close, so close that most of the bed was left empty behind him.