Chapter 26 – Contrition
Ben's head was pounding. A pulsating pain behind his eyes barraged against his skull, causing him to groan. He tried to reach up with both hands so that he could knead his weary temples, yet he found that the right one was pinned. He opened his eyes cautiously, the flood of light shocking his dilated pupils so much that he shut them tightly right away. Swallowing hard, Ben gave it another go as he opened his eyelids a fraction.
"Can you hear me? Mr. Skywalker?"
Mr. Skywalker? Who the hell was calling him that? He was either Ben or Senator Skywalker, never Mr. Skywalker.
"Hey, I think he's waking up," he heard the same voice say. "Are you awake? Can you hear me?"
Ben mumbled his affirmation, his throat feeling horribly parched as he did so. Squinting mightily, Ben lifted his head to see a dark-skinned man with a broad nose and anxious brown eyes looking at him.
"Who are you?" Ben asked as he attempted to sit upright.
"Hey, take it easy!" the man said, placing a hand on his left shoulder to restrain him. "You don't want to wake her."
Perplexed, Ben shrugged off the stranger's hand and looked down. There he saw someone's head draped across his chest. Surprised, Ben tilted his head a bit so he could see their face.
"Ania?" he asked, feeling a great surge of relief at the sight of his sleeping sister. "You're okay."
"Thanks to you," the man said, kneeling down in front of them. "You saved our lives."
"You were with her?" Ben asked, whispering now so as not to disturb Ania.
The man nodded. "I helped her escape off the Revenge," he told him. "My name's Finn, by the way."
"I'm Ben," he said, extending his hand toward the man. The two shook gingerly, both of them concerned about waking Ania.
"How did you do it?" Finn asked him as he retracted his hand.
"Do what?" Ben asked, absently brushing some of Ania's hair off his chest and onto her back. Finn hesitated, his eyes darting to Ben's hand as he watched him perform this tender gesture.
"How did you stop our TIE?" he asked after a moment's pause. "Ania told me you did it, but she didn't say how."
Ben looked away from Ania as the memory flashed back to him. He had insisted upon accompanying Dune and her task force down to Jakku to find Ania. His mother had been reluctant at first, but he had ultimately convinced her, arguing that if anyone could find Ania, it was him. And that was exactly what he had done. Upon arriving on the planet's surface, Ben detected his sister's Force presence immediately. Sensing her sheer state of panic, Ben had been terrified that he wouldn't make it in time to save her.
That terror had been amplified a hundred fold when he had jumped out of the troop transport to see a burning TIE fighter plummeting out of the sky. He hadn't spared any time to think, rushing forward with his arms raised into the sky in the utmost expression of desperation. He hadn't expected anything to happen. He had been just as stunned as the droppers had been to see the TIE come to an abrupt stop about two dozen feet above the ground.
It had been the most physically demanding ordeal he had ever performed. Upon setting the TIE down in the sand, he had collapsed to his knees and fell square on his face. He didn't remember anything which had happened to him since.
"I… I have no idea," he confessed finally, looking back up to meet Finn's appreciative gaze. "It all happened so fast."
Finn nodded. "I understand what that feels like," he said knowingly.
Ben didn't have the opportunity to ask Finn what he meant by this because just then the pair both looked away when they heard the distinctive sound of boots approaching. Still squinting, Ben reoriented himself and found that he was back inside the troop transport. The droppers were standing at attention at the opposite end of the compartment as Cara Dune came marching over toward them. Ania stirred a bit, but nevertheless remained asleep against his chest.
Upon seeing that he was awake, Dune came to a stop in front of him and bowed slightly. "Senator Skywalker, it is a relief to see you conscious," she said. "How are you feeling?"
"Like hell," Ben answered truthfully as he struggled to extricate his arm from underneath Ania. Wrenching it free, he flexed his fingers as he felt circulation begin to return. "What's happening?" he asked quietly as he draped his freed arm around his sister's back. "Is the battle over?"
"I was just in communication with Admiral Ackbar," Dune informed him. "The First Order ships abandoned the system fifteen minutes ago. We can depart safely now." She spared a glance toward Ania. "You should wake her," she said, sounding a bit guilty about the request. "It's not safe to be seated when this vessel takes off."
"Yes, general," Ben said with a nod. Dune reciprocated the gesture before spinning around and striding back toward the cockpit. Ben watched her retreat for a couple moments before returning his attention to Ania who had nuzzled up closer to him since he had wrapped his arm around her.
"She's been through a lot over the past twenty four hours," he heard Finn say. Ben looked up languidly. His eyes felt heavy as his pounding headache refused to abate. "She's a very strong person."
Ben nodded in agreement, firmly aware that Finn didn't know just how true that statement was. Ania had been through some of the most hellish situations imaginable, and she had survived all of them to date. It wasn't that he doubted her strength, it was just that he didn't want to have to endure any more agony by herself. Ania didn't see it that way, however. In the future, they would have to do a better job communicating with one another. He would have to stress upon her how terrified he had been when he had seen her plummeting to her death in that TIE fighter. He needed her to guarantee to him that she wouldn't do anything dangerous like that again. Ben couldn't bear the thought of losing her too…
The engines beneath them suddenly roared to life, stirring Ben out of his ruminations. The deep vibrations coupled with the gentle hum finally caused Ania to wake up. Blinking a few times, she looked up at him as she retracted her head from his chest.
"Ben?" she asked groggily.
"Hey there, sleepyhead," Ben said with a flicker of a smile.
"Oh, Ben!"
Ben was startled when Ania flung her arms around him and hugged him so tightly that all the oxygen was expelled from his lungs. Wincing, Ben patted Ania's back feebly as struggled into a more upright position against the wall.
"I was so scared! Ben, I was so scared," Ania whispered into his ear. Unsure of what to say, Ben merely allowed her to hold onto him as he absentmindedly rubbed a circular pattern on her back. After a full minute, Ania finally withdrew her arms from around him and pushed herself away. "I saw her, Ben," she told him as she wiped her eyes with her sleeve.
"Her? Who are you talking about?" he asked, perplexed by this unprompted disclosure.
Ania glanced behind her toward Finn and the rest of the droppers who were all watching them curiously. Suddenly conscious of her surroundings, Ania blushed and quickly looked away. "Here," Ben murmured, holding his hand out to her. Taking it, the siblings helped each other get to their feet, Ben having to press his back firmly against the wall in order to persevere past the dizziness he experienced from standing up too quickly. Clutching Ania's hand tightly, Ben grimaced a bit as rubbed his eyes with his left hand.
"How are you feeling?" he heard Ania ask him.
"Alright," Ben fibbed, blinking a few times as he opened his eyes and looked down at her concerned expression. "I'm fine, really," he insisted.
"Are you sure?" Ania asked, pursing her lips with concern.
"Don't worry about me," Ben said, giving her hand a squeeze before releasing it. "Just a bit of a headache, that's all."
Ania looked as if she wanted to ask him something else, but she was interrupted when the two of them when careening backward as the ship lifted off without warning. Ben managed to snatch a hand grabber from the ceiling, but Ania was too short to reach so she went stumbling into the back wall. Suppressing a snicker, Ben offered his hand to her and pulled her back upright.
"They clearly didn't design this ship with you in mind," Ben commented.
"You think?" Ania grumbled.
"Hold onto my arm," Ben instructed. "We'll be in space soon enough." Ania complied, latching herself onto his wing as the ship continued to ascend at a sharp angle. Ben shut his eyes and felt his ears popping whenever he swallowed. Flying could be so unpleasant at times.
Several minutes later, the grade of the ship began to flatten and Ben released the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. Feeling Ania let go of his arm, Ben followed suit and released the hand grabber.
"So who are you talking about?" Ben asked Ania. "Who did you see?"
Ania looked uncomfortable as she glanced over toward Finn who was standing awkwardly by himself a few meters away. "I shouldn't have brought that up," she said in a low voice. "I'll tell you when we're in private." Ben frowned but nevertheless agreed to drop the subject. "What about the map? Did Poe get it to Mom?"
Ben stared at her blankly, his brain taking a moment before understanding what it was she was asking him. With all the drama unfolding on Jakku, Ben had forgotten all about the debacle with Dameron and the map. "Oh, yeah," he said. "Well, sort of," he amended quickly.
"What do you mean sort of?" Ania asked.
"Mom kind of freaked out when the pilot showed up," Ben explained. "She blamed him for putting you in danger."
"What? That's ridiculous!" Ania insisted. "None of it was Poe's fault!"
"Believe me, I know," Ben agreed. "I tried to talk some sense into her, but you know how she can be. She was just scared, that's all. She wasn't thinking straight."
"So what happened?" Ania asked, chewing her lower lip nervously.
"She threw him in jail," Ben told her bluntly.
Ania gasped. "She didn't!" she exclaimed.
"Are you honestly surprised?" Ben asked. "She was worried sick, Ania. She doesn't respond well to that kind of pressure, you know that."
Ania bowed her head, clearly contrite. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I didn't mean –"
"Don't be sorry," Ben interrupted, placing a hand on her shoulder and beckoning her to look back at him. "You did a great thing getting that map."
"You think?" Ania asked in a small voice.
"Of course," Ben said, smiling faintly at her. "But maybe next time you shouldn't storm off without telling anyone. You scared Mom and me really badly."
"I know," Ania said. "I was just so… frustrated."
"I understand," Ben said, squeezing her shoulder reassuringly. "You're not used to being constrained like this." Ania nodded in affirmation. "But you have to understand that we're only doing this to protect you, not because we don't have faith in you."
"I know," Ania said again. "I was an idiot."
"So was I," Ben said. "I didn't handle the situation well."
"No you really didn't," Ania agreed with a snort. The levity faded as the two remembered the context of their fight. How Ben had made reference to the forbidden subject of their father's death.
"I'm just glad you're safe," Ben said finally, his voice sounding a bit husky.
"Me too," Ania said with a shudder. Ben pursed his lips as he scrutinized Ania's pained expression. He didn't know the full story yet since Ania was hesitant to disclose it to him in public. Based on her reaction, however, Ben could assume that whatever had happened to her had been bad. He could only be thankful that this mysterious man Finn had been there to rescue her.
Overcome with brotherly protectiveness, Ben leaned down and kissed his sister softly on the forehead before pulling her into another embrace. Arms wrapped around her tiny frame, Ben was determined to shield her from harm's way from here on out. He wouldn't fail his responsibilities a second time.
Upon returning to the Skywalker, Dune insisted that he and Ania go straight to the medical ward in order to be evaluated. The pair had protested, insisting that they needed to see their mother first thing, but Dune had been adamant.
"I'll tell her where you two are," she had told them. "Now go. The both of you look like hell."
Having conceded to the general's indomitable will, Ben and Ania were accompanied by a deeply anxious Finn as they plodded off toward the medical ward. Ben watched the younger man curiously. He had merely assumed that Finn had been a Republic operative, but the more he thought about it the less that made sense. How had he gotten aboard that First Order ship in the first place? And how come it didn't seem like he had any affiliation with the Republic military?
Ben was too exhausted to consider these questions extensively, however. Arriving at the medical ward, the three of them were admitted and taken off to separate wings. Ben's evaluation went quite quickly. The medical droids couldn't find anything wrong with him aside from lack of rest. The Rodian doctor who stopped by later was similarly expedient, performing a brief evaluation before letting him go with nothing other than a suggestion to drink more water.
"My best guess is you passed out from dehydration," the Rodian told him with a shrug. "You should be fine."
"Thank you, doctor," Ben said, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. He had known this was a waste of his time. "Can you direct me to my sister? She was admitted with me a half hour ago."
Upon consulting a datapad, the doctor gave Ben the instructions and he was soon on his way. He had just arrived at the examination room in question when a med droid opened the door and stepped out.
"Excuse me, I'm looking for a patient," Ben said to the droid.
"What is the patient's name?" the droid asked flatly.
"Ania Skywalker. I was told she was in this room."
"Ms. Skywalker has been transferred to the ER," the droid said, closing the door behind itself.
"What? Why?" Ben asked.
"The patient required advanced scanning and an IV insertion," the droid informed him. "You may follow me. I will lead you there."
Chewing his lower lip anxiously, Ben followed after the droid down the pristine white hallways toward the ER. There amongst the bustle he found Finn waiting by himself with his back facing a curtained-off section of the hall.
"Finn!" Ben called out. "What's going on? Is Ania in there?"
Finn nodded. "She's getting set up with an IV," he told him.
"Why?" Ben asked, coming a stop next to his concerned counterpart.
"She needs a lot of fluids, I think," Finn explained. "I think they're also worried about internal organ damage."
At this, Ben's eyebrows shot up his forehead. "Organ damage?" he repeated, aghast. "But why? What happened?"
Finn looked away, visibly uncomfortable all of a sudden. "I take it she didn't tell you?" he asked.
"Tell me what?"
Finn furrowed his brow as he turned back to look at him directly. "She was tortured really badly," he told him grimly. "Worse than any other prisoner I'd seen before."
A fiery fury flared up within him at this disclosure. Interspersed amongst the rage, however, was a biting sense of guilt. This was partially his fault. He had let this happen to her. "Who?" he asked in a growl. "Who did this?"
Intimidated, Finn gulped loudly as he looked up at the taller man's furious expression. "You wouldn't know him," he said in a high voice. "No one in the Republic knows about him."
"Oh no?" Ben asked, arching an eyebrow.
"His name is Ren," Finn said.
Ren.
Ben's vision was tinged with red as a massive conflagration burned in front of him, the ruins of Luke's temple disintegrating before his eyes.
"We are the Knights of Ren. We have come to destroy the Jedi."
"Who do you serve?"
"We serve the Sith."
Ben turned away from Finn, eyes shut tight as he attempted to regulate his breathing. His face twitched, his attempt to contain his rage proving futile. Ben had never before despised anyone as much as he did this man Ren. He had taken Rey away from him and now he had attempted to do the same with Ania. This man sought to destroy everything and everyone he had ever loved. What monster lay behind that horrific mask? He needed to know…
"You really love her, don't you?"
Turning back toward Finn's voice, his demons began to fade as he returned to his surroundings. "Pardon?" he asked.
"Ania," Finn said. "You love her."
Ben blinked, bemused by this unsolicited observation. "Of course I do," he replied. "She's my sister."
Finn contemplated him with a curious expression for a few moments. "I've never seen that before," he said finally.
Intrigued by this statement, Ben tilted his head at Finn. What did he mean by that? Had he never seen two people express love for one another? How could that be?
Ben didn't have the opportunity to consider this too much further, however, because he was startled into looking up when the whole ER seemed to fall silent. Initially confused, Ben quickly discovered the reason for this abrupt hush: the General herself had arrived. As she strode toward him with her cape billowing behind her, Ben felt an instinctive urge to salute toward his own mother who exuded the utmost martial leadership. Following closely behind her was Cara Dune.
"General Dune told me what you did on Jakku, Ben," Leia said as she came to a stop in front of him and Finn. "I am quite impressed."
Ben nodded appreciatively at the rare compliment. "Thank you," he said, unsure what to call her in the presence of Finn and Dune. 'Mom' felt too informal, 'Mother' too awkward, and 'general' thoroughly uncomfortable. "I only did what you would have done," he added.
Leia smiled thinly at him. "Indeed you did," she said. "I am proud of you, Ben."
Beginning to blush, Ben quickly looked down at his boots as he relished the praise. "General Skywalker, this is the man I was telling you about," he heard Dune say. "This is Finn, the Stormtrooper who helped your daughter escape."
"What?" Ben exclaimed at once. "You're a Stormtrooper?" he asked Finn.
Finn winced. "I… I was," he said, sounding unconfident.
"Was?" Leia asked, eyebrow quirked curiously. "What changed?"
Wringing his wrists, Finn seemed unable to meet Leia's intense glare so he chose instead to stare down at the floor. "I don't know," he confessed weakly. "I just sort of… woke up."
"Woke up?" Leia repeated, taking a step closer toward Finn, no doubt serving to amplify his anxiety even more.
"It all happened so fast," Finn mumbled to the floor.
A tense silence ensued as Ben stared back at Finn with his mouth hanging slightly ajar. He hadn't known it was even possible for a Stormtrooper to defect. The First Order abducted children from birth and raised them for combat – not unlike the old Jedi Order, in fact. In this context, Finn's odd behavior suddenly made much more sense to him.
"Did you have your blood drawn today, Finn?" Leia suddenly asked.
Perplexed by the question, Finn finally looked up to meet her gaze. "No," he said. "Why?"
Leia didn't answer him. "Droid!" she called out, beckoning a medical droid over. Obliging with the demand at once, the droid came floating over. "I want you to take a sample of this man's blood as soon as possible," she ordered.
"Yes ma'am," the droid said. "What would you like us to test for?"
"Don't test for anything," Leia said with a wave of her hand. "Send the vial to my quarters as soon as you have them."
"Very well, ma'am," the droid said without asking her to explain why. Ben, on the other hand, was far more inquisitive.
"What is this about? Why do you want Finn's blood?" he asked once the droid had floated away with a befuddled Finn in tow.
"I'll tell you later," Leia said in a hushed voice. "I want to see Ania right now."
Ben hesitated for a moment before deciding to drop the subject. "She's right in there," he said, pointing toward the curtained area. Right on cue, another medical droid emerged from behind the curtain and drifted away. "They probably just finished hooking up her IV," he explained to his mother.
"Good," Leia said. "Dune, you may leave us," she added to her chief of staff.
"Yes, ma'am," Dune said, saluting before spinning away on her heel and marching off in the opposite direction as Finn. Without sparing another moment, Leia made her way toward the curtained area. Ben followed after her as she pushed the veil aside.
"Mom," he heard a very small voice say.
"Ania."
Taking two long strides, Leia approached the chair Ania was seated on and leaned down to kiss her on the forehead. Ben closed the curtain behind him and stood with his arms crossed as he watched. As was typical, Leia acted with uncharacteristic tenderness around her daughter with whom she felt uniquely comfortably expressing her affections. Standing back upright, she dragged a stool from the corner and set it down by Ania's side.
"Mom, I'm so sorry –" Ania began to say as Leia sat down, but her mother quickly cut her off just like Ben had done.
"Don't apologize," she instructed, reaching out and taking Ania's free hand into her own. "We will discuss this later. Now I just want to know if you're alright."
Ania didn't answer right away as she glanced up at the saline dripping from the bag into the IV which snaked its way down and into her left arm. "I'll be okay," Ania said, her voice once again sounding high-pitched and girlish in contrast to the much deeper tone she adopted when speaking with him or anyone else. "The doctor said they're going to put me in a bacta tank after my fluids are up."
"What happened?" Leia asked, releasing Ania's hand as she leaned forward on her stool. "What happened after Dameron abandoned you?"
"He didn't abandon me," Ania said defensively. "I told him to go. He brought the map back, didn't he?"
"The map is immaterial," Leia growled. "He shouldn't have allowed you to get into such a dangerous situation in the first place."
Ania opened her mouth, but evidently thought better than to pursue the argument further. She repositioned her left arm, grimacing slightly as she scratched at the skin around her IV. Ben watched her warily, determined to intervene before she accidentally tore the IV out.
"Well, after I told Poe to leave," she began, emphasizing her role in the pilot's departure. "I left Lor San Tekka's home and went outside to see that the First Order forces were landing." She paused, her eyes glazed over as she ceased fiddling with the IV and draped her right arm across her lap. "There must have been a whole brigade down there. I took out a few of them with a blaster a local gave me before pulling out my lightsaber."
"Ania, no!" Leia said. "Why would you do something so dangerous?"
"It didn't feel dangerous," Ania said, meeting her mother's gaze with remarkable calm. "I felt invincible. Nobody could touch me. Including her."
"Her?" Ben asked, inserting himself into the conversation as he took a step closer behind his mother.
Ania swallowed hard as she looked up at him. "Ren," she said simply.
Ben froze. "Ren?" he repeated. "Ren's a woman? How do you know?"
Ania shook her head. "I didn't know at the time," she said. "The point is, I defeated her. I could have killed her if I wanted to, but I didn't. I was totally surrounded by that point. I…" She trailed off, bowing her head with shame. "I surrendered my lightsaber to her," she confessed. "It's gone."
"That's alright, Ania," Leia said softly. "You had no other choice."
"But I failed you!" Ania insisted, eyes shining as she looked back up at Leia. "I was supposed to restore that blade. Now it's back in the hands of the Sith!"
"The blade is irrelevant, Ania," Leia said. "All that matters is that you are safe."
"But what will I do without a weapon?" Ania asked.
"Do not worry about that," Leia dismissed. "We will address that issue when you are healthy. Please continue."
Ania hesitated for a moment before acquiescing. Sighing, she stared down at her lap before resuming her story. "Ren took me onto her shuttle and up to one of their capital ships," she said, her voice suddenly sounding hoarse as he suspected she had reached the worst part of her experience. The part where Finn said she had been tortured. Ben wasn't sure he wanted to hear it, but he forced himself to stay where he was. "They put me in a cell and left me there for hours. Grandfather was with me the whole time, of course, but he couldn't help me. All he could do was try to lighten the mood."
Leia snorted at this. "I hate it when he tries to do that," she said.
Ben scratched his temple, feeling supremely left out all of a sudden. He had spoken to Anakin, yes, but he didn't have the intimate relationship with him like Ania and Leia did. They actually heard him speak in their minds. While that weirded Ben out, he couldn't deny that he was a bit jealous. Why hadn't he been chosen to hear the voice of the Force itself?
"I was exhausted and dehydrated when Ren finally showed up," Ania continued. "That was when she revealed herself." A long pause followed before Ania finally raised her head and looked directly toward him. "It was Rey," she said flatly.
Ben blinked a couple times as he internalized this bizarre statement. What did that mean? Ren was… Rey? But… she couldn't be more than fifteen years old. She was just a girl still. There was no way that was possible.
"I don't understand," Ben said therefore.
"She hates me, Ben," Ania said, eyes beginning to glisten as her lower lip trembled. "She blames me for ruining her life. For killing her father."
Ben shook his head, determined not to listen despite knowing that everything Ania was saying corroborated the vision he had had three years prior when Sidious had told Rey that Ania was her enemy.
"She tortured me," Ania said, her voice practically a whisper as she lowered her head once more. "It went on for what felt like hours. But the whole time… the whole time, I knew I deserved it."
"That's absurd!" Leia said, her hands clenched into fists on her lap. "She had no right to lay a finger on you!"
"I deserve it, I deserve it," Ania whimpered as she covered her eyes with her right hand. "I killed my father. I killed her father."
Leia didn't contradict her, electing instead to place a hand on her daughter's trembling back as she began to weep. Face strained with conflict, Leia looked up to meet his stunned expression. Neither one of them could find anything to say.
Perhaps they knew there was nothing that could be said.