Chapter 29: Down to the Roots

Derek's Point-of-View

"There's a stream just down at the bottom of this trail." I said as I led them down a soft path near the clearing where we'd set up camp "We can get water there."

"We're not carrying it back up the hill are we?" Delilah whined.

"That would be what the buckets you all are carrying are for."

I could hear them softly cussing and cursing my name, and I didn't care. They were going to hate me; they did hate me; hell, even I hated me. I was being hard on them, and I knew that it wasn't exactly the best way to go about it, but it was the only thing I could come up with that might possibly end up working… so I was going to give it a chance.

We pushed our way through a brush of ferns and redwoods and onto the bank of a small river, we all stopped in awe as we looked across the water running smoothly over the river rocks, the green ferns lining the waterside and the large redwoods casting a soft protective shadow over everything.

"Wow." Delilah hummed under her breath.

"Wow." I repeated her "There is no wow in the middle of nowhere."

She cast me a soft glare. "Whatever."

"Why don't you guys look around, I'm going to fish a little bit and hope that I can catch us some dinner."

"You didn't bring food!" Winston gasped.

"No." I answered.

"Why not!" Delilah muttered "We're going to starve!"

"Not if we can catch our food." I hummed, they gawked at me "When you have nothing, you have to make something of it in order to survive. Not everyone gets their food handed to them, some have to work for it."

"I hate fish." Delilah hissed.

"I promise you." I sighed as I baited my hook "You get hungry enough and you'll eat the worms right out of the ground."

"Eww!" Ian nearly gagged "That's gross."

"People need to eat." I shrugged "So why don't you and Dani go gather some water, boys you can grab a pole and help me fish."

I glanced over just realizing I hadn't noticed Meredith say anything yet. She was silently looking over us from her perch on a small boulder a few feet from where I was standing by the shore. She gave me a faint smile before turning to look out across the water. I helped the boys bait their hooks and helped Ian cast his into the water.

Thankfully the fish were biting that day, by the time the girls got back with some water we had caught two each and working on more. Dani walked around me and crawled up onto the rock with Meredith, she seemed to take Dani receptively. Delilah sat her bucket down and crossed her arms to pout. She looked miserable, and I knew she was… I felt a lump in my throat as I remembered a day not too long ago when she was thrilled to be in the great outdoors, how her eyes would light up when she would see me take out my tackle box and she'd squeal "daddy please take me with you!"

"Delilah come here." I invited her over, she looked sharply at me but complied. She walked over and I pulled her to stand in between my arms "Take the pole."

"Dad I haven't fished in years." She scoffed.

"It's like riding a bike." I soothed as I adjusted her hands on the rod and reel "Remember what I told you."

She looked lost in thought for a second before her face smoothed out into a soft smile "You told us that whether we catch anything or not, the point is to have fun."

"Exactly." I breathed as I let go of her and stepped beside her, letting her take over the ropes.

It was hard, probably the hardest thing I'd had to do since becoming a father. Since the second they handed her to me all gooey and pink wrapped in a white hospital blanket with green teddy bears on it, since the moment I felt her warmth in my arms.. I knew she was mine and I knew that I'd always be there for her no matter what. I knew I'd do everything for her to protect her from the hardships of life. But I took life for granted, I took them for granted and now they were paying for it. As much as I wanted to step in and do this for her… I knew that she had to do it for herself or she'd never learn.

"There's another reason I brought you guys up here." I said, they each looked at me "I want to get to the bottom of this. So, no more ballcrap, no more sugar coating, no more lying…" I looked at each of them down the fishing line "What the hell is going on with you?"

They each looked at me and gulped.

"I don't know." Delilah sniffled and blinked back a few tears "I just. I feel like I'm losing everyone I love, one by one. I thought that if I had a baby, I'd always have someone who loved me, someone who would never leave."

My heart wrenched and hitched as I felt it slowly and painfully break. "I'm sorry." I whispered, "I'm sorry I made you feel like you lost me, but I'm here now."

"I know." She smiled sadly.

I looked at Winston, he shrugged "I used to be your little buddy, we used to do everything together Dad. Then, you kept telling me you'd make it to my games and take me fishing but you wouldn't show up. I felt like I was slowly getting forgotten about, and I knew you'd eventually forget that I was your son. It made me pissed off, so I did some bad stuff that made me feel better."

"Winston." I sighed heavily and shook my head as I felt another hit on my part "I could never forget about you. I could never forget about any of you. I'm sorry, and I know too much damage has been done, but I promise that I will make sure you never feel forgotten again."

"Ok." He smiled.

"Ian?" I asked.

"I just like wearing dresses." He said "You were too busy to do boy stuff with me. So mommy would do mommy stuff with me and I like it."

I lowered my head with a sigh as Dani looked up at me "I miss Mommy."

"She misses you too."

We all looked up with stunned recognition as the voice came from Meredith's lips. She looked at Dani with a pained sorrow in her eyes.

"Wherever she is, whatever she is doing. She misses you, she misses all of you. No mother could just walk off and forget her kids completely, no matter what."

I gulped at the massive knot in my throat and looked back at the kids one by one.

"I love you guys." I said "I know I've messed up a lot lately, and it might not feel like I love you or look like I do, but I do. You're mine, not a person or thing in the world could ever replace you in my heart…I love you more than life itself. But we're falling apart, and I am the one that let that happen…however, I'm going to try like hell to do everything I have in me to pull us back together. And I can't do it on my own, if we're going to survive this at all…we're going to have to start being a family again... or we're not going to survive."

They all nodded in agreement and a second later I heard a reeling sound and Delilah shrieked.

"Oh! Oh my god!" she screamed "Oh I got a fish! I got one!"

"Reel it in Delilah!" Winston shouted; he dropped his pole as he rushed over to help his sister.

"I'll get the net!" Ian cried out as he too ran over to help.

"I got the bucket!" Dani giggled as she ran over and grabbed the fish bucket on her way.

I watched as they all worked together to bring in Delilah's fish, Winston got it off the hook after Ian netted it and Dani held the bucket out as it was dropped in. They all laughed and cheered as they stood back and looked at their accomplishment.

"Look Daddy!" Dani grinned as she held the bucket up "We got a fish!"

I felt my face beam as I nodded "You did, I'm so proud of you guys."

Their faces slowly burst into smiles and their eyes shined as if that's all they ever needed to hear from me. From then on, I knew that I couldn't say it enough…