DEGRASSI: GLORY DAYS - S02E03 - EVERYBODY PLAYS THE FOOL
DISCLAIMER: I DON´T OWN DEGRASSI
1. Int. Gymnasium. Morning.
Ms. Redgrave is addressing a large group of girls, including Amber and Iz. Tif, Shannon and Valerie and Tif stand next to her.
Redgrave:
Welcome to cheerleader tryouts. Today 27 of you will be cut down to 9, which means most of you will be disappointed. Sadly, that´s the name of the game, but if you don´t make the team, I urge you to keep working hard on your own time. Last year we had 4 mid-year replacements, so you never know, if we end up calling on you. At the end of the day, we´ll be choosing the new captain of the squad. We´ll start with a quick warm-up. Tif, you lead them.
Tif:
Spread out a little and follow me. We start with stretching our calves.
The girls spread out and ape Tif´s movements. We focus on Iz, who´s next to Amber.
Iz:
Are you new here?
Amber:
Yeah, I´ve just started.
Iz:
How do like it so far?
Amber:
It´s been good. I´ve already started getting to know Tif and her friends.
Iz:
Watch out for her. She doesn´t mind playing with people, to get what she wants.
Amber looks a little concerned.
Amber:
She doesn´t seem that way to me.
Iz:
Last year, she got rid of two captains. I heard she bribed one of them to step down and made the girls freeze the second one out, to make herself more popular with them.
Amber:
Where did you hear this?
Iz:
Valerie and Shannon, the two girls standing next to Redgrave. I´m sorry, if I´m freaking you out. I just thought, I´d give you the low down.
Amber looks a little worried and stares at Tif.
OPENING CREDITS
2. Int. Gymnasium. Day.
Redgrave puts a cassette tape in a boom box and closes it.
Redgrave:
A great cheerleader can´t only be a good athlete. If you don´t have rhythm to save your life, you shouldn´t be here. Valerie.
Valerie comes up and stands next to her.
Valerie:
You´ll each get a chance to do a dance routine for us, to show us, what skills you´ve got. Remember to smile too. We´re supposed to cheer people up, not make them depressed. Even if the team is 50 points down, you can´t let it get to you. There´s a lot of you today, so we´ll do 13 pairs of 2 and one lucky girl, will get to dance alone. You´ll all get your chance, so whoever comes up first is fine by us.
Iz and Amber quickly step forward.
Valerie:
We have some eager volunteers. Iz, we know you from last years tryouts. Other girl, what´s your name?
Amber:
Amber Rhodes.
Amber smiles at Tif, who shyly smiles back. Valerie frowns at them smiling at each other.
Valerie:
Alright, Amber and Iz, shake your groove things!
Redgrave pushes the button and after a few seconds, "You Sexy Thing" by Hot Chocolate starts playing from the boom box. Both girls have excellent rhythm and keep a close eye on each other, so see that the other isn´t doing better. Tif is all smiles at how good they´re doing and even Valerie and Shannon give a slight nod to show their appreciation.
3. Ext. Building Site. Day.
Mike is shaking hands with Dexter, who´s ready to leave.
Mike:
Sorry, it didn´t work out, man.
Dexter:
It´s not like I´m the first guy, to get fired. Your boss wouldn´t happen to be looking?
Mike:
No, it´s just the two of us and that´s all he can afford.
Dexter:
Now I have the joy of telling Ruby, that I need a new job.
Mike:
She´ll be supportive, like she´s always been.
Dexter:
I haven´t given her much to cheer over lately. It was easier, when all I had to do, was score a touchdown.
Mike:
If she gets mad, you can always give me a call and we´ll hang out.
Dexter:
If I don´t, you know it´s because I´m getting some!
Dexter musters a cheeky smile. Mike smiles at his remark.
Mike:
Some what?
Dexter:
Dinner with Ruby! What did your dirty mind think, I was talking about?
Mike:
Take care, okay? I have to get back to work.
They nod goodbye to each other and Mike leaves him. Dexter starts walking away, looking defeated.
4. Int. Hallway. Day.
Artie is sitting on a bench, working on his routine and is silently mouthing jokes and gaging, if they´re any good. He sees Samira coming towards him. They smile at each other.
Samira:
Hey, Artie. Where´s you trusty sidekick?
He makes room and she sits down next to him.
Artie:
Football tryout´s. Have you heard anything from the cheerleader tryout´s?
Samira:
That would require me to ask someone. I know Iz is in it, but I can´t care, no matter how I try. Cheerleading to me is the dumbest and most sexist thing ever. I doubt, that´ll ever change.
Artie:
I only care, because of Iz.
Samira:
Yeah, right. Like you don´t love, looking at pretty girls in mini skirts.
Artie smiles shyly.
Artie:
It´s an extra bonus.
Samira:
What are you working on?
Artie:
My next stand-up show. It´s harder without Barry here. He´s usually my guide to, if a joke is good or bad.
Samira:
I´m a fan of yours too.
Artie:
You are?
They smile at each other.
Samira:
Why are you so surprised? Your stuff is really funny!
Artie:
Thanks. It´s nice to know, I have a fan.
Samira:
I think, there´s a lot more of us, than you know.
Artie:
If you have the time, can I test out a joke or two on you?
Samira:
You have Mr. Bulbricker next class too, right? Tell me your jokes and we can walk to class together.
Artie:
You know, they call him "Mr. Ball-Breaker", don´t you?
Samira:
Let me guess. You came up with it?
Artie:
Guilty as charged. Are you ready to laugh?
Samira:
Fire away.
Artie:
Okay, so a dwarf comes into a brothel with a jack-ass and a honeycomb.
Samira already looks a little shy at how raunchy the joke has started, but also looks infatuated with Artie, as she looks at him.
5. Int. Gymnasium. Day.
The girls are taking a short break from the tryouts and are talking amongst themselves in small groups. Tif is discussing how it´s progressing with Redgrave. Iz and Amber seem to be getting along great.
Iz:
You should come with us and see him sometime. He´s really getting good at it.
Amber:
I´d like that. You´re dating a bona fide comedian, how wild is that? He must keep you laughing all the time.
Iz:
Dating Artie is an adventure for sure, but he knows, when it´s time to tone it down.
Tif finishes her talk with Redgrave and comes over to them.
Tif:
She´s impressed with both of you so far. Iz, you´re still not smiling enough, but apart from that, it´s perfect. Amber, you were a little off beat on parts of the dancing, but it´s no biggie.
Iz and Amber both smile.
Amber:
Thanks, Tif. You´d better go tell the others, how they´re doing.
Tif:
This isn´t a service, I provide to everyone. I trust, you´ll vote for me, when we have to choose captain?
Iz:
I haven´t thought that far ahead. If I make the team, I´ll start considering it.
Tif stares at her.
Tif:
Who helped you get in with these girls?
Iz:
You did, but ...
Tif:
No but´s! You´re both voting for me and that´s final!
Amber looks surprised with Tif and not in a good way. Iz looks defiant.
Iz:
What, if I don´t? Are you gonna sabotage me, so I won´t make the team? From what I´ve heard, it´s not something you´re beyond doing.
Tif:
Be happy, that I´m helping you out. Call it payback, if you will. I don´t care, as long as you vote for me!
She leaves them and walks back towards Redgrave.
Amber:
I´ve seen her being a little bossy towards her boyfriend, but that was scary!
Iz:
In her mind, it´s her world and the rest of us are lucky, she lets us live in it.
Valerie and Shannon come back from their break and the girls start to line up again.
6. Int. Bar. Day.
Dexter is practicing darts by himself in the bar, that except for a few sad winos is empty. "Piano Man" by Billy Joel can be heard from the bar´s speakers. He hits two triple 20´s and a 20 and smiles to himself, before drinking the rest of his beer. He gathers his darts and walks up to the bar. The bartender (Joe, a "Jolly Fat Man", who´s always quick with a joke or to light up your smoke) comes out from the back room, carrying a case of beer, that he puts in the cooler.
Joe:
Another one, Dex?
Dexter:
You read my mind, Joe.
Joe pulls out a cold beer and opens it, before handing it off to Dexter. Dexter gives him a dollar, that he puts in the till. He gets a few coins out and gives them to Dexter, who looks a little surprised.
Joe:
Happy hour.
Dexter:
Nice! Cheers.
Dexter takes a sip of his beer.
Joe:
Or as I call it this time a day, "Cheap drinks for those, with nothing better to do".
Dexter chuckles at his joke.
Joe:
Are you practicing for the world darts championships or something?
Dexter:
No, I´m just trying to improve. I don´t have a lot of things, I´m good at, but it seems darts is one of them.
Joe:
Have you tried entering a tournament?
Dexter:
I´m guessing, you have to be better than I am, to enter one of those.
Joe:
Nah, pretty much everyone, who enters are amateurs, like you are. "The Pig and Whistle" has a tournament every Tuesday.
Dexter:
That´s tonight. Is entering expensive?
Joe:
It´s only 5 bucks and the pool usually gets up to a hundred or so. You also get to meet people, in a different kind of setting. I got to know lots of nice people, when I played down there.
Dexter:
You used to play? Were you any good?
Joe:
Nah, I was average at best, but it was never about winning for me. It was the people, that had me coming back every week.
Dexter:
Why did you stop?
Joe:
My wife works evenings, so I have to watch the kids. You should try it, if you have nothing on your plate tonight.
Dexter:
I think, I will. Thanks, Joe.
Dexter takes another sip and is clearly looking forward to playing in that tournament. It´s helping him forget his troubles too.
7. Int. Classroom. Day.
Artie and Samira are sitting next to each other, looking bored out of their minds. The class is being taught by Mr. Bulbricker, a very heavy set man with a large beard and a bad comb over, who easily sweats and gets out of breath, even when he´s just speaking. He holds up a book for them to see.
Bulbricker:
The Great Gatsby. One of the finest pieces of literature, ever made.
Samira quietly tears a piece of paper from her block. She writes something on it, folds it together and slips it to Artie. He looks at it and smiles.
It reads:
My brother said, it´s as exciting as watching paint dry.
He writes something on the back of it, folds it again and hands it back to her. She lets out a single giggle when she reads it.
It reads:
The way Ball Breaker is sweating, the whole room will flood and we´ll all drown anyway.
Samira´s smile quickly fades, when she sees Bulbricker staring down at her.
Bullock:
Hand me the paper.
She reluctantly hands it to him and looks afraid of what´s to come. Artie´s more cool about it, since he´s used to it.
Bulbricker:
It seems, Ms. Papadopoulos isn´t satisfied with the school´s choice of literature. Mr. Yorke on the other hand, thinks he´s a comedian.
Artie:
I am a comedian. I can get you free tickets for my next show, if you let this slide.
Bulbricker:
Very funny, Mr. Yorke. I´m sure you won´t find it as funny, when you spend the next two Saturdays in detention.
Samira:
I was the one, who wrote to him. It isn´t fair, that he´s being punished so hard.
Bulbricker:
What wouldn´t be fair, is if you didn´t get punished just as hard. If we´re lucky, it can teach you not to talk back, when you clearly shouldn´t.
Samira almost starts to panic.
Samara:
Two Saturday´s detention? What am I supposed to tell my parents?
Bulbricker:
That you messed up and got in trouble. Anything else, either of you want to add?
Artie is about to talk back, but sees Samira shaking her head at him and holds his tongue.
8. Int. Gymnasium. Day.
Tif, Redgrave, Shannon and Valerie are sitting at a table. Iz gets ready to perform her routine for them.
Valerie:
Any time you´re ready.
Iz starts doing her routine, spelling out letters with her arms and swinging her legs, when appropriate.
Iz:
We´re the school, the others can´t beat
We´re from Degrassi, you can kiss our feet
We´ll take you down
Show you what´s up
We´ll beat them all
Cuz we´re going to the top!
Whoa, Degrassi!
She ends it with a perfect split and a big smile as she waves her pom pom´s. Redgrave, Valerie and Shannon applaud her loudly, while Tif only pretends to clap.
Valerie:
That was great, Iz. Color me impressed.
Redgrave:
I liked it too. It wasn´t the best cheer, I´ve heard, but I love your enthusiasm.
Tif:
I´m split down the middle, because you´re clearly a great athlete and that split at the end was a nice touch, but you´re still not smiling enough. I need to feel more charisma from you.
Tif stares Iz down, but Iz won´t let it get to her.
Shannon:
That can be taught. You´ve got real talent, Iz, even if Tif doesn´t want to see it.
Iz smiles and goes back to the other girls.
Redgrave:
Amber, you´re up next.
Amber steps forward and starts doing her routine.
Amber:
We´re Degrassi
We´re Toronto´s best
No one can beat us
Cuz we´ll pass every test
Amber tries to do a spin, but slips and lands hard on her knee. She goes down in pain and holds it. Tif looks worried and is the first one there with her.
9. Int. College. Day.
Dexter is trying to find his way at Toronto University. He smiles, when he sees Ruby, who´s talking to a girl, the same age as her, named Jenny. He walks over to them and Ruby is surprised to see him.
Ruby:
What are you doing here?
Dexter:
I wanted to see you.
Ruby:
This is my friend Jenny. Jenny, this is my boyfriend, Dexter.
Dexter and Jenny wave at each other.
Dexter:
Nice to meet you, Jenny.
Jenny:
Ruby´s told me lots about you. It´s nice to put a face to the stories.
Ruby:
Why aren´t you at work?
Dexter:
That´s why I´m here. Can we talk in private?
Jenny:
It´s cool. I have to get a soda before class anyway. Nice to meet you, Dexter.
Jenny leaves them. Dexter looks Ruby in the eyes.
Dexter:
Don´t get mad, but I got fired.
Ruby:
Why? What happened?
Dexter:
It wasn´t working out, so it´s for the best. If it´s something, I´ll be doing for a long time, it has to be something, I like doing just a little bit.
Ruby:
I´m not mad at you, it just sucks. It means, it´ll be longer, until we can buy a house.
Dexter:
I have to think of myself too. The more I think about it, the more I see, that this was a positive.
Ruby:
At least, you´re not letting it get you down. You´ll find something else, something you like doing. I believe in you.
Dexter:
You´re one top class girlfriend, you know that?
She smiles and he kisses her on the cheek.
Ruby:
This girlfriend has to attend a study group tonight. I hope that´s okay.
Dexter:
Why wouldn´t it be? I´m happy, that you´re doing good here and making friends.
Ruby:
It´s a whole different level than High School. I´ll have to study a certain part of my body off, to keep my grades decent.
Dexter:
You´re the smartest person, I´ve met. You can do this, easy.
Ruby:
I have to get to my lecture. We´ll talk tomorrow, okay?
Dexter:
Give me a call after school. We´ll make a couples night out of it.
Ruby:
Alright. Try to have a good evening.
Dexter:
I´ll manage.
They hug goodbye and she leaves him.
Dexter (to himself):
That was easier than expected!
He heads back towards the entrance.
10. Int. Nurse´s Office. Day.
Amber is in the waiting room, holding an ice pack on her banged up knee, when Tif walks in and sits down next to her.
Tif:
Is she done with you already?
Amber:
Some freshman cut his hand in shop class. She´s waiting for an ambulance with him.
Tif:
At least, we´re not him!
Amber:
Don´t you feel sorry for him?
Tif:
I don´t know who he is, so why should I?
Amber:
Because it´s a natural human reaction.
Tif:
Will you be ready to come back to the tryout´s?
Amber:
Not likely, I´m afraid.
Tif:
Dammit! You´re the only safe vote, I had!
Amber looks at her with disgust.
Amber:
You´re not here, because you care about me! All you care about is my vote!
Tif:
Maybe, I can get them, to give you a second chance tomorrow. Your knee will be fine by then, won´t it?
Amber:
No, it won´t. I´d rather not be a cheerleader, if it´s going to be like this!
Tif:
It´s just the pain talking.
Amber:
No, it isn´t! Where´s the girl, I went to the movies and had a great time with? She´s not sitting next to me, that´s for sure!
Tif:
I really want this! My mom was head cheerleader and she expects me to be too.
Amber:
You´re still only a Sophomore. Who cares, if it happens now or in a year or two?
Tif:
I do! Why can´t you understand, how important this is to me?
Amber:
Because you´re acting like a horrible, little bitch because of it!
Tif looks shell-shocked.
Tif:
Take that back!
Amber:
It´s true. If you had any sense, you´d leave the team, because it´s messing you mind up. It´s turning you into someone, I don´t want to be friends with.
Tif gets up and storms out.
11. Ext. Atrium. Day.
Artie is finishing a joke to Barry.
Artie:
So the dwarf says: Not so bad? I used to be six foot, three!
Barry chuckles at the joke. Samira comes out to join them.
Samira:
The honeycomb joke?
Artie:
It appears to be a winner.
She sits down next to Artie.
Samira:
You should tell it at the school talent show, just to see how they´d react.
Artie:
Is Iz done yet?
Samira:
We agreed to meet here, after the tryout.
Barry:
Speak of the devil.
Iz comes out to them with a wide smile on her face. Her and Artie hug.
Artie:
Are you in?
Iz:
It´s not official yet, but two of the three, who decide, have told me, I´m in!
Samira:
Congratulations. Didn´t you say, it was four?
Iz:
Tif has been kicked off the squad in disgrace!
Samira can´t help smiling.
Samira:
What did she do?
Iz:
Valerie and Shannon caught her offering money to two pledges for their vote. They went straight to Redgrave and the pledges ´fessed up on the spot. Tif is off squad and from what I hear, they´re never letting her back in.
Samira:
I hate to enjoy someone else´s misery.
Artie:
It´s Tif, which means it´s okay to enjoy it. Just this once.
Samira:
Do you want to celebrate after school?
Iz:
I´m going out with the other cheerleaders. It´s sort of a tradition.
Artie:
I can always use another ear to test jokes on, if you´re interested?
Samira:
If they´re as good as the last one, you have a willing audience.
Iz:
What did I miss out on?
Samira scoots out to the side, so Iz can sit next to Artie.
Artie:
A dwarf walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jack-ass ...
12. Int. Waiting Room. Day.
Amber comes out from the nurse´s office, to find an apologetic looking Tif waiting for her.
Tif:
Is it bad, with your knee?
Amber:
I have to stay off my feet for a few days.
Tif:
Does that mean, you get to stay home from school?
Amber smiles a little bit.
Amber:
I guess, it does.
Tif:
I screwed up so bad and I never would have, if I´d listened to you.
Amber:
What did you do?
Tif:
I tried to bribe my way into winning the captainship. It backfired big time, so I´m kicked off the team.
Amber:
Are you okay?
Tif:
No, I´m not, because I acted horribly, just like you said. I´ve never had a friend, who calls me out on things, like you and I think, I need one.
Amber gives her a hug, which makes her feel better.
Amber:
Carl doesn´t call you out on it?
Tif:
He´s sweet, but a bit spineless some times. Do you want to come over to my house after school, so I can pamper you, to make myself feel better?
Amber:
At least, you´re open about it! Won´t your mom get mad, that you got kicked off the squad?
Tif:
She´s getting used to disappointment, as far as I go.
Amber puts her arm around Tif´s shoulder and Tif helps her walk out of the waiting room.
CLOSING CREDITS
I won´t leave you hanging, without giving you the full joke. If you haven´t seen "Game of Thrones", it´s a joke the dwarf Tyrion starts a few times, but never gets to finish. Of course, this has led to many fan theories about how the rest of it goes. This is, in my opinion, the funniest one of them:
Tyrion walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass.
Madame: What can we do for you?
Tyrion: I need a woman to lay with, for mine has left me.
Madame: Whatever for? And what's with the honeycomb and the mule?
Tyrion: My woman found a genie in a bottle, and he granted her three wishes. The first was a house fit for a queen, so he gave her this honeycomb. The second was that she had the most beautiful ass in all the land, so he gave her this donkey...
Madame: And what about the third wish?
Tyrion: Well... she asked the genie to make my cock hang down past my knee.
Madame: That one's not so bad, eh?
Tyrion: Not so bad!? I used to be six foot, three!