Author's Note: I have bittersweet news. I finished writing the story, finally! I'll finish posting the last few chapters today.
I hadn't forgotten the letter Fluffy carried, though I'd pushed it from my mind in the presence of others. Now, alone in my room, I untied it with shaking fingers and pet Fluffy to calm myself. Then, in the comfort of my bed, I unrolled it.
Genre,
Can't write much; not safe. I miss you almost as much as I love you. I'm fine, don't worry.
It wasn't signed. It didn't matter.
Sleep didn't come easy. For one, the letter from Remus made my heart hurt in both a good way and a bad way. And, for another, I didn't have someone older to lean on to rebuild the shop this time. Pavi was staying with Jack, but I couldn't ask him to stay there forever. I hadn't inherited a Gringotts account from Octavius, so I resolved to write to Ollivander himself and request a loan, or a line of credit, or something. If only I knew how adults normally handled this kind of thing…
Lily and James were in her room. I could hear them murmuring for a while before they finally drifted off. It should have made me feel better knowing that they were there, but if anything it made me more antsy. What if Stan and Cadie found me here, and hurt James and Lily?
In my hours spent staring at the ceiling, a new thought did occur to me. It almost seemed that my siblings were trying to flush me out, the way a dragon or other large predator might try to flush its prey out of a hidey-hole. The only hidey-hole they knew of mine, now that I was not at Hogwarts and Gran was in hiding, was the wand shop.
It did occur to me that I would feel better if I could talk about all of this with Remus, but I resolved not to let that thought get me down again. Remus was doing what he had to do. I could not resent him for that (no more than he could resent me for doing the same). And I couldn't write back and risk questions if someone saw him receive an owl.
Ollivander responded to my request for a line of credit with a request of his own nearly as soon as I sent it - he wanted to meet. At one time, it would have been a dream come true. Now, I worried that he would tell me he couldn't allow me to continue selling wands under his name. Or worse, that he found out about me using his name for my disguise at the Malfoy wedding.
I needn't have worried. The meeting was friendly, if not a big formal. McArthur was there also, and they both took great pleasure in lecturing me over bits of wandmaking lore I was unfamiliar with, though they seemed pleased with the wand samples I brought with me.
"It's not Octavius's fault, of course," McArthur creaked. "Bugger died before he could train her right."
"I learned a lot from him," I said, torn between defending my mentor and wanting to learn more.
And so we whittled away the afternoon with talk of harvesting my own supplies instead of ordering them.
"You're young and spritely," McArthur said. "You can handle tramping through the woods a bit. Not like us; we have to order from other people."
We spoke about harvesting techniques and some of the best places to look for the better part of the afternoon. I was reminded of the glen near James's house. There was a tree there that housed bowtruckles. Maybe I would have to ask James if I could harvest a branch.
The three of us also came up with a new plan for my shop, though it was with a heavy heart that I agreed it was best - for now. Instead of sending a portion of my sales to Ollivander (barely 5%, which is what Pavi's uncle had arranged on my behalf), I would be sending my wands to Ollivander and he would sell on my behalf. I found myself in the unenviable position of working out a salary for Pavi since he would no longer be earning a commission. Ollivander agreed to a reasonable sum, monthly, since Pavi would be helping me harvest and stock my inventory.
I did still secure a small line of credit that would be paid off quickly in order to build my new workshop and stock room. It included a small, attached apartment, but no shop front. It was also in a rather secluded area, close to Hogsmeade but far enough away that during our time there, we never had visitors.
There was a learning curve to harvesting the right materials. Pavi had the additional learning curve of learning to work with only one hand. Luckily, we started small, at James's glen. Pavi had to save me from a nasty fall the first time I cut a branch down. His wandwork stopped me from being seriously hurt, but I did still land in the pond. So did the branch, and I dragged it out with me though it weighed so much more than I expected.
With the use of our wands and some saws, we cut the branch into manageable pieces and then set to laying it out to dry. Without the use of magic, Ollivander told us drying the wood out could take up to two years. With magic, we still had a wait of close to three weeks. It was enough time for us to find other bowtruckle-approved trees to harvest. We were careful, following the Wandmaker's Code of Ethics (something I hadn't known existed but was maintained by the Great Britain Association of Magical Devices). That meant we only ever harvested a branch per tree, and never a branch that had a bowtruckle nest on it.
Harvesting materials for the cores turned out to be even harder. Neither one of us had experience tracking unicorns or coaxing hippogriffs and griffins into giving us feathers. My nights were taken up with poring over Newt Scamander's tomes on fantastic beasts, something that would have caused me great anxiety two or three years ago. And when I was finally ready for bed, I would trace the letters on the note Remus had scrawled to me what felt like a lifetime ago.
I had not forgotten about Lily's upcoming nuptials, or Mary's toying with Sirius despite her new status as a married woman. And I certainly still thought of Remus frequently enough. But I enjoyed being in the root of wandmaking. It was just as fulfilling as making the wands, but in an entirely different way.
I still made weekly visits to different refugee camps, always hoping for a glimpse of Gran. I never saw her, though I did see Penelope and John several more times. Most of the camps grew used to the little red fox who brought them things like foe glasses, tarps, food, and charms. I even went with Sirius to some of his haunts to see what we could find out, though I needed help from Mary or Lily each time to make sure I'd blend in with the clientele.
At least a month later, Pavi went overseas for a short trip to work with someone Jack knew. Jack's friend, we were assured, could help Pavi harvest all sorts of exotic supplies humanely. He even knew where to find thunderbird nests. And, according to Jack and Pavi, it was legal to harvest so long as they did not interfere with the creatures themselves.
"Are you going to miss having Pavi around?" Lily asked me the first night he was gone. We were cooking together in the kitchen, one of the few nights she had the energy to after training as an auror and tagging along to learn on the field.
"Not really," I said after several beats. "I mean, yes, but no more than I missed Cadie and Stan, or that I miss Remus and Gran now. Feels less permanent than any of that."
"Fair," Lily nodded.
"Want to invite Mary over?" I asked. It had occurred to me that I missed Mary, too. Even being back, we saw her only sporadically.
Lily hesitated. I wondered if she felt the same as I did about Mary's husband. He was a likeable fellow, but I couldn't bring myself to let him in. He wasn't Sirius.
"Not tonight," Lily finally said. "She'll want to talk about wedding plans again, but I just want the night off."
"I get that," I nodded.
It was the nicest "night off" either of us had in weeks. Months, even. We broke into our store of chocolate and mixed our favorite pumpkin-juice-and-firewhiskey drinks. We even toasted marshmallows over candles while we gossiped about the boys and Mary and some of the more colorful characters in the Order.
"What do you think about that nut that keeps trying to filch things?" Lily asked. "Dungus or Dingus, or something like that?"
"Muddy? Mundy? I can't remember," I admitted. "I don't mind him. Pavi has it out for him though."
"Wish I could say the same for James and Sirius," Lily muttered. "I swear, they're like nifflers drawn to a sparkle with that bloke."
"Somehow that doesn't surprise me." I twirled a stand of hair thoughtfully around a finger. "I wonder what he does for the Order. No one has said, really."
"Dunno, exactly," Lily shrugged.
"Sirius says Mundy or whatever it is hangs out at some of the same haunts as him. I wonder if he's a spy too?" I shrugged after a moment. "Or maybe he just has bad taste in pubs."
Lily giggled a little at that and mixed us both a new drink.
I sipped it slowly, remembering the first time I'd truly been drunk, at Slughorn's party. Lily caught me grinning foolishly at the cup and grinned also.
"Remembering 'Studious but dangerous?'" she inquired.
"What was that you called James?" I asked her. "Annoying and adorable?"
Lily blushed and then laughed. "Oh, Merlin, we had it so bad for them."
"Still do," I chuckled.
"How are you doing with all that?" Lily asked. She didn't have to clarify "all that" to me.
I shrugged, studying the swirls of cinnamon that rippled across the top of my drink each time I breathed on them.
"I mean, I miss him. A lot. I've gotten better at not thinking about him in the day as long as I'm busy, but at night it's like non-stop tracks in my brain of every moment we ever had together." Talking about it was like opening a dam, I realized. "And then I see Mary flirting with Sirius in one breath, but professing her love to her husband in the next breath. It's frustrating, you know?"
"I know," Lily nodded. "I love the girl, but I wish she wouldn't make Sirius so crazy."
"Exactly," I said. "I just can't even imagine doing that Remus. But," I paused as I considered an ugly thought, "I guess that's kind of what I did to Finn, so I'm not really one to talk."
Lily considered this, silent until I threw a mushy marshmallow at her. Fluffy jumped after it, hopping and flapping while she pecked at it.
"It'll be your fault if she doesn't get to sleep," Lily deadpanned. Then, "I don't think what you did to Finnegan was great, but you were also sixteen when you met. I don't know what he was really expecting, since you were so young."
"Couldn't tell you." I took a swig of my drink. "Maybe he was thinking like Mary: not much time left so make connections while you can. He was in the real world, already. Think of how sheltered we were at Hogwarts…"
Lily gave a play-shudder at that.
"We all miss him," she said while I wiped Fluff's beak clean. "Remus, I mean. No one really says it around you, but we do."
I smiled at her, hoping my eyes didn't look watery. "You're all the best, I hope you know."
"Oh, I know," Lily said airily, flipping her hair. I laughed and upended the remaining marshmallows on her.
"Good to see being an auror hasn't gone to your head!" I joked.
"I'm only an auror-in-training," she was quick to correct me. "Plus, you should see the ego on some of these people! They must think they could take on You-Know-Who single handedly, the way they talk!"
"Brrr," I shuddered, remembering the way his eyes had felt on me. "More power to them, but I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy."
"Who is your worst enemy?" Lily asked.
"Well...him," I laughed awkwardly. "I guess maybe I'd wish him on himself."
Later that week, Sirius overheard something about werewolves recruiting in the southeast. The terrifying thought we all had to push back was what recruiting meant. Finding other werewolves, or making them? I brought it up with Sirius, Peter, James and Lily. While we all agreed it would be too dangerous (and distracting) for me to make contact, it would be okay if Peter and I checked it out ("From a very safe distance only," Lily said firmly). I couldn't help the little flower of glee that blossomed in my chest. Even if I couldn't talk to him, I'd (maybe) get to see Remus again.
I couldn't make the time pass fast enough until the recruitment meeting. I still went through the motions of work, curing wood and harvesting what materials I could. I even started on some new wands to be delivered to Ollivander's shop. Everything made me feel stifled, though. Being in the new workshop felt too far from everyone; being at home was too close. James was probably sick of me popping by all the time, but with Lily practically moving in with him at this point, at least on nights they weren't working, I was lonely.
Peter and I met up a few times to hash out the minute details of spying on the werewolf camp. His mood swung from nervous to elated in hard-to-predict turns. Maybe he missed Remus as much as I did, I mused, or maybe the stakes just seemed higher this time.
At the next Order meeting, none of us mentioned our plan. As much as we all wanted to pretend it was the right thing to do, I think we all knew it was a little foolhardy - no matter how much we planned. We did learn something interesting, though. Jack, Pavi's friend, had been finding ways to tie up the money trail that led to the mercenaries. It wasn't perfect, and some money was still getting through, but it seemed Gringotts suddenly found very suspicious activity in the Nott's account. I wasn't sure how he managed it. Lily asked, in my hearing, but all Jack would say was, "Can't give away my secrets to every pretty lass I cross paths with, now can I?"
We pestered him for more information, and in the process I learned about yet another form of subterfuge. Jack explained how cutting off the money was like cutting a leash; yes, the mercenaries were still dangerous, but like any wild creature now they would be as likely to bite at the dark wizards as us. They didn't choose sides; they chose currency.
After that, there was no more time to pester him for information. Aloys, who had been noticeably absent from the meeting, burst through the door.
As one, we seemed to freeze. Everyone who was present stared at Aloys who peered around the room at large, eyes searching for something or someone.
"Is Funke here?" he asked when there were no more corners to search.
"No," I said warily, "he hasn't been here in months. You know that."
Then it hit me. My eyes grew large, and I spun around to face my friends.
"Funke is missing," Aloys announced. "He hasn't been seen at the castle in two days."
The meeting devolved from there. Some of the witches and wizards turned to Aloys, wanting him to step into Funke's roles. But he couldn't, especially since he didn't have an innocuous role as a professor that would let him stick his nose where it didn't belong. Then, they turned to Peter and I, wanting us to carry the brunt of Funke's duties. But how could we pick up on his tasks without knowing what they were, or who his contacts were? I didn't know where his contacts were.
In the end, we snuck out while yet another argument broke out amongst the others. We weren't the only ones leaving; Miss Figgs gave us a wink as she tiptoed out the door with us.
"No use talking when they're not ready to hear," she whispered conspiratorially.
"And we have work in the morning," James grunted, stifling a yawn.
It was yet another night that I couldn't sleep. I stared at the ceiling, wondering how they caught Funke - assuming he was caught. If he had managed to escape and hide, wouldn't he have found a way to send us a message, by patronus if nothing else? And if he was caught, did that mean someone had betrayed him? It was hard to imagine anyone sneaking into Hogwarts beneath the nose of Dumbledore, let alone the other professors and even Peeves. Someone must have lured Funke out, but I didn't know how.