Chapter 45

Tim was surprised to see Levi in his home. He wasn't opposed to it, but they had kept up a fairly regular pattern of just seeing each other on Tim's running route. It was just what they did, and to have it change now made him worried.

However, he directed Levi to the couch. As he sat down, Tim saw him take note of how empty the place was.

"Where is everyone?"

"Zahara thought this was going to be a private conversation. She's in the bedroom. Salma is with my parents," Tim said. "They're staying until the baby is born, but Dad finally had to admit that he needed a real bed, so they got a rental for a few weeks."

Levi nodded.

"So what is it?" he asked.

"You told me you can't do this anymore."

"No, I can't," Tim said, feeling the instant tension.

"Agent David asked me if there was anything I could do to help because you told her the same thing and she didn't want to risk that being literally true."

"She did? When?" Tim asked.

"She came to my house a week ago and asked if I could do anything."

Tim's eyes widened. "Ziva... came to you? Voluntarily?"

Levi actually chuckled.

"Yes. She even voluntarily admitted that I'm not the mortal enemy."

"Oh." Tim didn't know how to respond to that. He had known that, between Ziva and Tony, Ziva was much more reasonable and accepting about the craziness of Tim's life, but that she would go to Levi of her own accord...

"So yes, I'm aware of how you've been feeling and I've been thinking about what I could do to help."

"You're still recovering. I can tell. You shouldn't..."

"This hasn't required me to do anything but sit and think," Levi said, cutting him off. "I'm glad that someone sees me as able to do more than lay around. My mind is working just fine."

Tim swallowed his worry that Levi was doing too much for him again. He had to admit that Levi did look much more like normal than he had before.

"And?"

"And I have an idea, but I don't know if you'll like it."

"What?"

"You need to start bragging."

"What?" Tim asked. "No! I don't want people to start thinking that..."

"They already do. Your staying silent has not helped. It hasn't done anything but make people more intrigued about you. Clearly, it's not working. Since that's the case, you need to try something else."

Tim stood up and walked away from Levi, his mind in turmoil about the idea of inviting more people to know about him. ...but at the same time, hadn't he thought of that himself while still a captive? Hadn't he considered the idea that his current methods weren't helping?

"I don't want to brag about myself."

"I know you don't," Levi said, nodding. "It scares you, but what you need to do is disseminate the message that messing with you is a fatal mistake. You need to point out the every single person who has tried to take control of you is either dead or in prison. Every single one...well, except for me, but I'm a weird exception that you don't need to mention. You need to explain that your abilities are so valuable that people are willing to kill to protect you. Perhaps you have value until you're obsolete or dead, but you need to tell the covert world that, as far as they are concerned, you are obsolete...or else they'll be dead. And you need to be willing to share that message far and wide."

"I don't have that many connections," Tim said softly.

"But you know people who do. You know people who can help spread the message throughout the hidden parts of the digital world."

Tim turned back to Levi who was still sitting on the couch.

"I don't know if I can do it."

"You can. You don't have to make a video, although you could if you wanted to. You need to make sure they know it's you, and if you make it dramatic enough, all these hackers who like talking about you will start sharing it. I know that Bill is on a few listservs. You could have him add it to those."

"I never trusted him," Tim said.

"Good idea. He's not trustworthy unless you can appeal to his sense of self-preservation."

"That's what I did."

"Good. Bill's not a bad guy, but he cares about himself first. In this case, it won't hurt him one way or the other to send out the message, so he'll probably be happy to do it...and get the notoriety of being someone who actually knows Tim McGee."

Tim grimaced.

"Regardless, he's fine. The CIA is going to be watching out for him for a while, I'm sure, just to make sure that no one else gets any big ideas."

"One of my guards told me that people have still been trying to take control of me, even when I didn't know about it."

"Yes. And?"

"And why didn't they tell me?"

"Because you were being protected and that was all that mattered. You weren't trying to get out of being protected. You simply were accepting the situation. Since everything was going all right, there seemed to be no reason. Have you been thinking that the CIA is simply that incompetent?"

"It crossed my mind...well, not incompetent, but unable to stop it whenever it happened."

"It's not true. Now, sit down and stop avoiding the issue at hand."

Reluctantly, Tim walked back to the couch and sat down.

"This is my suggestion. It won't be a perfect solution, of course, but if people know just how much you do not want to be taken, the risk they run, you should find that this sort of thing happens even less often than it has. And I would remind you that the last person who successfully made you create that program was me. No one has since."

Tim leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.

"They would have. This time. I was doing it. I always said that I would never do it, no matter what. Never again. But I was wrong. They had the perfect threat. It wasn't me they were threatening."

"It was your family."

"Yeah."

"That's not unexpected."

"But I was doing what they wanted. I didn't even know if they were lying. They could have been. They showed me pictures that demonstrated that they'd been watching Zahara. I didn't even bother to think that maybe that was as close as they could get to her. I caved and I did it. As slowly as I could and trying to ruin their plans as much as I could, but I was still doing it."

"You delayed long enough. They didn't get what they wanted. In fact, I'd venture to say that they got the exact opposite of what they wanted because of what you did."

"Yeah. Maybe."

"And I've heard that you put something into the program to destroy it again."

Tim nodded. "I had to reset it every day. If I didn't, it would release a virus that would destroy the program."

"So you stopped them. Maybe you did cave. Maybe you didn't need to. But you still stopped them. Now, take the steps necessary to stop others from even considering it."

"Maybe I should wait until I'm... better. I'd be more coherent than I am now."

The chuckle took him by surprise and he looked up to see Levi shaking his head and looking amused.

"Actually, if you wait until you're fully recovered, you'll probably find a reason not to do it. You should do it now. Right now."

"Right now?"

"Yes. You have the time. I'm here and can help you. And Tim... you'll probably feel better just because you know you're doing something about it."

Tim sat up.

"I don't want to threaten people. That's what's been done to me."

"You're not threatening. You're warning. You won't hurt anyone if they leave you alone. You won't seek them out."

"That's what I want to do. Even after all this time away from it. I still do. If you put one of them in front of me and put a gun in my hand, I'd want to pull the trigger...and I might still do it."

Levi nodded. "And you hate that you feel that way. I promise that doing nothing is going to be harder than doing something."

Tim sat there and thought about it. He didn't want to do this, but at the same time, he actually agreed with Levi on what was necessary. He just didn't want to have to do it. But he couldn't leave this hanging. Most of his nightmares right now were about being taken again. He was afraid to go outside because he didn't want to be taken again. He was making life miserable for Zahara because he was afraid to be taken again.

And here was Levi saying that doing this could help him not be taken again.

"Okay."

"Good. Now, let's get started."

"Right now?" Tim asked.

"Yes. I already said that. No sense in putting it off."

Tim took a deep breath and nodded.

"Okay."

"Good. Where's your computer?"

Tim led Levi to his computer and they sat down and started to work on it.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tony took a deep breath and braced himself for another session with Dr. Hicks. He didn't enjoy this, but Gibbs was still making him go. Ziva was pushing him, and he could finally admit that, even if it was hard, he probably should be making the effort.

One more deep breath and he walked into the office.

"Hello, Agent DiNozzo," Sherry said, kindly. "Just take a seat. Dr. Hicks will be ready in just a moment."

"Okay."

Tony sat down and tried not to fidget. After a few minutes, the door opened and another patient came out. He made eye contact with Tony.

"What are you in for?" he asked.

Tony grimaced.

"Being an idiot for the last ten years."

The man laughed a little. "I was only an idiot for five years. I guess I got you beat."

"Guess so," Tony said with a bit of a smile.

"Well, good luck. He's really on his game today." Then, the man looked at Sherry and gave her a mock salute. "See you next week."

Sherry just smiled and nodded. After the man left, Tony looked at Sherry.

"You probably can't tell me what he's here for, can you."

"Nope. Privacy rules, Agent DiNozzo."

"I figured."

Then, the door to the office opened once more.

"Ah, Tony. You're right on time. Good. Come on in."

Tony nodded and stood up. He walked in behind Dr. Hicks and sat down before he could offer and make Tony wonder. No matter how often Dr. Hicks said it wasn't a test, Tony still felt like it was a test. He just didn't know which chair was the right chair.

Dr. Hicks didn't comment on the chair Tony chose. He simply sat on one relatively close to him.

"Well?" he asked.

"Well, what?" Tony asked in return.

Dr. Hicks smiled. "How is it going?"

"You said it was going to get easy," Tony said.

"Yes, I did."

"Well, when is that going to happen?"

Dr. Hicks laughed a little. "Not as quickly as you seem to think it should, but I hope you realize that a couple of weeks is hardly the same as the last ten years you've spent avoiding it. It does take a concerted effort. I promise that, if you're genuinely working on it, it won't take ten years for it to become easy."

Tony raised an eyebrow. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"Nope. Not a bit. You need to realize, Tony, that effort isn't found in one single moment. It's long-term."

"How long-term?"

"I can't give you a definite time frame. I could give some of my patients time frames, but not you."

Tony felt his brow furrow. "What? Why not me?"

"Because you would hold me to that exactly and, if you didn't think it was easy enough when that amount of time had elapsed, you would decide that I wasn't doing things right, that you weren't doing things right or that there was no hope. You would cling to that time frame as something set in stone, no wavering. So I'm not going to tell you what I think it will take, and yes, I have an idea of approximately how much time I think it might take. You'll just have to keep working on it."

Tony was amazed at how irritated Dr. Hicks made him and yet how much he seemed to understand. That other man had been right. He was on his game.

He sighed.

"So what now?"

"Now, we keep talking and you can bet that I'll be pushing you. You can bet that you won't enjoy it. ...and you can bet that it'll help."

"Great," Tony said, dourly.

"That's the spirit," Dr. Hicks said, with a smile. "Let's get to work. Did you do your homework?"

Tony grimaced and leaned forward to start sharing things he didn't want to talk about.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tim sat back and looked at what he'd written. He still didn't like the idea of it, but he could easily admit that this was definitely sharing his emotions, his determination to avoid this situation again, and what he'd be willing to do to escape should someone else try to control him.

"Okay, Tim. I think that will work," Levi said. "Now, send it."

"Maybe I should wait and think about it longer," Tim said.

"No. Absolutely not. Send it. Send it to the people you know you should send it to. In addition, you should send it to Bill. I'd also suggest that you send it Jack Lewiston..."

"At the FBI?" Tim asked, surprised.

"Yes. I wasn't aware you knew him."

"Only of him. I haven't ever had any reason to work with him before. Why him?"

"Because he's one who is quietly part of those areas of the internet that hackers like to frequent. He can either share it if it fits with how he's working or he can watch for it to get shared by others and participate in the conversations."

"Oh. ...how do you know him?"

Levi smiled, and to Tim's surprise it was a satisfied, almost feral smile.

"I had to get my information on Jorgenson from somewhere," he said.

"Oh."

"Send it, Tim. Do it now before you question yourself so much that you can't do it. You'll worry. You may be anxious. Do it anyway."

Tim felt tense now that the moment had come.

"Do it, Tim. I'm not doing it for you."

Tim managed to smile a little bit.

"I won't be putting them in danger by doing this, will I?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Do it."

Tim nodded and opened up one of his emails. He attached the message he'd written and then added an extra message explaining what was going on. Then, he put in a number of emails that he rarely used. He hesitated and then pushed send.

Then, he sat back and stared at the computer screen. Levi patted him on the shoulder.

"This is the right thing to do, Tim," he said.

"I need to be better. I need to recover from this. Everything I do is hard on Zahara and she's due any day now. I can't keep this up."

"I agree, but remember that Zahara is strong and she loves you. Don't let this drive you away. It's not driving her away."

"Maybe it should."

"It shouldn't. Speaking from personal experience."

Tim looked over at Levi and thought about the decision he'd made that had separated him from his family for over twenty years. Could he really do that? The answer was no. He couldn't handle losing his family. That was why the threat had been so effective. He couldn't face that loss, no matter how it happened.

"Okay. It's done."

"Good." Levi stood up. "Now, I'm going home. Maybe I'll see you on your running route sometime."

Tim sat for a moment and then turned around.

"Levi."

Levi turned back.

"Yes?"

"I'm not getting out much yet but... you don't have to only talk to me there."

Levi smiled. "I'll remember that. Good luck."

"Thanks. Really, Levi. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Levi left and Tim leaned back again. The door to the bedroom opened and Zahara came out.

"Tim?"

"It's done. Hopefully. We'll see."

Zahara walked over and kissed him on the forehead.

"You will be fine, Tim. This will help?"

"I hope so."

"Then, I will hope so, too."

"When are my parents getting back?"

"Soon. I think we should have dinner. Out somewhere together. It will be my last chance before our son is born."

Tim felt tense again.

"Please, Tim? You still need to get out today and you will be with all of us. You will be safe."

Tim stood up and hugged Zahara.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Okay. We'll go out."