Zelena didn't know how to handle any of this. It was obvious that Alice wasn't making all that much progress. Or rather that every time they got close, something pulled her back. And no one had anyway of knowing what waa going on. Alice clearly had a different view of everything they did then everyone else. She feared things that were good for her and despartley sought out things that couldn't possibly be as comfortable as the other options provided for her. Zelena sighed. There had to be a way to explain to Alice that drinking wasn't an effort to hurt her. That the IV wasn't there as a punishment. That the bedroom she'd been offered was meant to be a good thing. That sitting in the same space as other people was meant to be a natural thing. That she wasn't going to hit her just for talking to her, or for anything else. Zelena knew that list could go on forever. And solving it would require understanding exactly what Alice had gone through. But how could they? She couldn't tell them. They could guess the smallest pieces of the puzzle. But asking her about what little they knew had only lead to her shaking her head at the offer to talk about it.
Alice sat staring at the needle in her arm. She hated it. She's pulled it out over and over again. She'd tried so hard to explain that she didn't like it. But it was there. Of course it was there. Her entire life had always left her feeling uncomfortable and scared. She couldn't actually remember any time when she'd felt anything but how much her mother had hated her. She'd known from a young age that her mother didn't want her. Didn't actually want to be around her. Just needed her to be in the tower. So she didn't have to be. She'd wondered why that had to involve being beaten and taking potions she didn't want to take and being chained to mother's bed. And everytjing else that made her cry herself to sleep at night, hoping that she could figure out a way to make kt hurt less. At first. But over time, it started to just feel like the way things were. She'd stopped wondering. Stopped bothering to dare to defy her mother. Even slightly. It never ended well when she'd tried. So she gave up. Let mother do whatever she wanted. Let her hurt her. And she'd hated the pain she was in, and she didn't believe she deserved kindness. Not that she'd ever known kindness. Or love. She didn't understand those things. All she understood was that when she did something wrong mother punished her. And that for some reason Zelena had taken her away from fhe only home she'd ever known. And that for some reason, she wasn't hurt as muvh here. And mothsr wasn't around often. She'd gotten sick lf her, she'd stopped having her uses. Lr sometjing like thsr. No one had given her an explanation, so she'd made one. She wasn't entirely certsin what the iv was punishment for. But she hoped it'd be over soon. Alice readjusted herself in her fort. Making the pole roll a little. Why did it hsve to mske sound? Wasn't ir enough to punish her with it? The sound wasn't needed. She wouldn't do amything else she shouldn't. Or maybe she would. She'd never been the best st following the rules.
"Idon'tlikethis," Alice told Luna. At least here she had someone. In the tower all she'd had was mother, and she didn't care when Alice was upset, as long as she didn't show her that she was. "Itried?" Alice pushed one of her blankets away from her. She was confused and waan't sleeping as much as she usually did. She wasn't really sure what to do with the extra time.
Zelena came over to check on Alice around the time she was usually asleep. The iv was certainly helping her stay a bit more awake, and had made her even more alert. Alice flinched the second she heard footsteps and apologized. Zelena really wasn't sure for what.
"Hey, you're okay. It's okay. You didn't do anything. I was just checking on you. Are you hungry?"
Alice sat with her thoughts for a minute. Yes. But if she had to move to eat, it wasn't worth it. She didn't want to do anything. She just wanted to wait out Zelena's strange way of displaying anger and try to get some sleep. She wasn't tired, but being awake had always meant suffering so she got the smallest amount of relief when she closed her eyes and thought about anything else.
"Ok. I'll come check again in a little while. Do whatever you want to, i guess," Zelena made sure to give Alice that permission. She'd rather she understand that she wasn't going to be hurt for existing but it seemed that right now she wasn't ready for that. Zelena gave Alice her space for a little while.
"Canigobathroom." alice was agitated. This was a far more often thing now. She hated it. Every tome she had to get up and go somewhere else in the house, she risked angering Zelena. And zelena didn't rememver to tell her what to do. She just forgot. Mother always let her go every few days at the least. Sometimes more. She could usually hold it. Lately it hurt mlre when she tried. She'd figured out that drinking too muchbwas the problem. But she wasn't drinking anything. She remenmved Zelena said thr iv was drinking for her.
The iv pole had been llwwred enlugh that she could sit dosn mlre confortably. She grabbed at the bag, it waa the cause of every problem. It was sorta attached ro her aem, but she didn't care anymore. She just would 't touch the needle. That wasn't against the rules. Alkce grabbed the bag and glared at it. " 'twantyou. 't. Fine. I'll beat it into you." Alice was repeating the things her motjer said to her. She didn't know why she was telling a bag filled with water that. But it had hurt so much. All she'd wanted was to just do what she'd been told to. All she'd wanted was fkr the pain to stop. And she'd never had the chsnce. She could no longer make kt right. She no longer saw her mother. Well there was that once. She terrafied her. She hurt her all the time. But in this moment, she wanted her. She ubderstood her ounishments. Shs knew what had caused them. Knew exactly how long they'd last. Knew exactly what to exoect when she dared to do anything wrong. She was so upset. She didn't have anything she was familiar with anymore. She wanted it back. She didn't knkw how to handle anything here. This waa her home bow, thlugh. Whether she liked it or not. Whether she ubdedstood it or not. "Iwantmother." Alice let her final bit of frustrstion out and threw the bag as hard as she could away from her. It ripped out away from the iv. She was glad it had worked. She was keeping in thr part that Zelena sajd she had to jeep in. She didn't break any rules. Didn't do anytjing wrong. But nkw maybe the water would stop cauaing her peoblems.
Zelena returbed a little while later to see Alice as far away from thr saline bag as she could possibly have gotten in her corner. Really? They'd been kver this. The iv had to stay in. At thisbrste theyvwere going to have to stay in the hospital for gods knew how long just to get her phsycially well. But Zelena didn't want to put her through that kijd of hell. She was already struggling with something.
Alice glanced up at Zelena. Pointed to the needle and shook her head. "Nogoaway." It didn't. It hadn't. She'd done what she was told. And she was telling Zelena this. It was an attenpt to keep her from deciding to hurt her. Zelena was just glad Alice was attenpting to talk. Regsrdless lf whatever the reason was.
"I know you don't like it. But you need it. That has to stay in your arm."
Alice shook her head. "Nogoaway."
"The needle has fo stay in your arm." It is in my arm!
Alice nodded. "Is."
Zelena looke s lottlr cllser. Oh shit. The needle was disconnected and the bag was ripped. She hadn't bedn psying that much attention. Had the needle broken inside her arm? Was she ok?
"You disconnected the iv. I'll give you the fact that that was clever. But you can't do that, alice. I know you don't like this. But you need it."
[For what? I don't know what I did. I'm sorry for it. Please stop hurting me.] Alice thoughts had grown somewhat more understandable over the past few days. Alice shook her head.
"I know. Okay, we can go to the diner after we go get this fixed," Zelena held off on saying again. It would only make her sound angry. And she wasn't. Not at Alice. It wasn't her fault the IV bothered her. She was certain that if she'd been through everything that she knew Alice had been through, she'd have a hard time with the world too. Her father had been a cruel man, but she'd known love from other people. All Alice had known was pain and hatred. From what they could guess. Alice hadn't exactly opened up and told them everything about her time in the tower.
Alice shook her head. She wasn't going back to the hopsital. She wasn't doing this again. "Sorrysorrysorry." Alice threw something. Trying to make Zelena angry enough to want to hurt her a different way. A way that would require they stay in the house. If she was angry she wouldn't want to wakt to punish her so she could maybe get out kf the punishment she really didn't want or at least delay it.
A young Alice had angered mother. She wasn't entirely certain what she'd done but mother was livid.
"How hard is it to follow my rules? It's exhausting reminding you!"
Alice had quickly learned how to tell when mother was angry. When to avoid her. If she could. Which she was doing. Sitting in her corner, hoping mother left her alone. A hope she knew was unlikley.
"Come here. You awful child." Alice was only ever adressed as awful lr terrible or other begatice adjectives.
"Sorry." Alice apologized rhe secind she'd gotten in front of mother. Trying to keeo herself a bit out of her mother's reach.
"For what?"
"I don't know. Sorry."
"You don't know what you did wrong. Of course. You don't knkw what you did wrong. So how could you be sorry fkr jt?"
Alice shook her head. "Answer me!" Gothel demanded, hitting her. Alice eyes threatened to betray her. They wanted to fill with tears.
"I can see the tears forming, sure you want to cry?" Alice shook her hesd and rubbed thebtears out kf her eyes. Or tried to. Mother grabbed her wrist and jerked them away from her face. "Awww, you'll figure out hoe to nlt let that start. Or i hope you do. Don't feel like beating you for it right nlw though."
Alice had felt relived. She wasn't going tk be hurt as much as she'd expected. That feeling didn't last. "You're sleeping in your restraints, though." Mother loved to use a variety of punishments. Alice had forgotten. She hated this one the most. And somehow mother knew that. Or she just liked that one the most. Alkce guessed it didn't take a lot of effort to do. And itbwas effective. When she knew what she'd done to deserve it. She genuinley wasn't sure what she'd done this time. She couldn't figure it out. She wasn't going to get an andwer if the punishment was the one mother had for her. But she would if she best her. She'd tell her. Or demand she tell her and then give her an answer eventually. After a lot of pain. But Alice hated not knowing. Hated nkt having anything to go on while she thought about what she'd done. Mother didn't want to best her. But she would if she angered her. Alice let a few tears escspe. Walked over to the kitchen. Walked to mother's bed and aar down. "What exsctly do you think yiu're doing."
"Sleeping in here." Alice flinched. This was so wrong. She knew so much better than this. But she wanted mkther angry. Angry enough to not chain her up. Angry enough to tell her what she'd done wrong.
"get off my bed, now." Alkce braced herself for what she knew would happen when she did what she'd planned. This was dangerous. This was a gold way to get herself killed. But mother couldn't kill her. She'd made that so so ckesr. She could hurt her until she felt like she was dging but she,xd never die. It'd never be alllwed to go thst far. The pain she was in would never be able to stop. This was her life. And she knew she'd never escape from it.
"Make me."
Alice saw the flash kf rage in mother's eyes. She'd done shat she inteneded. Mother was furious.
"Ok! I wasn't going tk best you! But now? You are in so muvh trouble! Do you need me to tell you where I want you? Clesrly you're dumb enough to anger me." Mother had walked kver and hit alkce. She'd known kt was coming but the look of anger and hstred still stung more than the bruise forming on her face. Alice stood up and went to where she knew mother woukd want her. Fixing her eyes on a spot on the wall. Gothel was beyond quick grabbing what she needed and Alice had felt the pain. And gotten her answer. She'd forgotten to sweep up the glass that she'd dropped. Alice didn't remeber touching sny glass, but she must have done it jf mother had wanted tl chain her uo for it.
Alice snapped out of her memory. Mother had been angry wkth two simple words. That'd work.
"Make. Me." Alice was shaking through the definance. but she was doing it. She flicnhed knlwing that this would not be followed by an offer to simply go sleep it off.
Zelena blinked. That was suprising. She didn't know how to react. "Ok. Clearly we're having some issues here. I'm going to go call archie. And see if he has any ideas."
Zelena had no way of ubderstanding that what seemed like a miraclous display of definace was a desperste attenpt at getting out of something terrafying. Or knowing that what she'd said would sound like a threat when itbwasn't.
Alice flinched, which zelena had walked away akready and didn't see.
Luna laid in alice's lap. Alice pet her. Luna needed to be somewhere else. This was too dangerous now. Luna refused to leavd alice.
Archie got there oretty quickly. "I told alice we were going to get the kv fixed and she told me to make her."
Archie went to Alice's fort. "Hey."
Alice glanced up at him. "Notouch." She pointed to luna.
"Still a bit bothered by that kid, huh? Ok. That's fine. I won't touch luna. Promise.,"
She pointed to the dog again. "Nohurt. Hurtme."
Oh. Alice was scsred for the dog's safety in whatever the situation was in her head. It wasn't the same as what it was fkr everyone ekse.
"I'm nkt going to hurt you. Or luna. Or anyone else. No one is going to do that. Why do you think we would?"
"Ididbad."
"That's okay. It doesn't matter what you did. You're not in danger."
Alice shook her head and shut down. "Hey, Alice."
She compeltly ignored him. Cjoosing instead to focus as hard as she could on something she liked. She could feel thr grass in her mind and pet her old squriell friend. And she could at least have her old blankets. All she wanted was her old life back. This one was wrong. But she couldn't exain that so she pet the weird flufy cresture and ignored her reality.
Luna laid in her lap, snapping her ojt of it. Alice pet Luna instead. Archie was still sitting in front of her.
"I know you don't want to but you have to go to the doctor. I'm sorry."
Alice gavr up. Fine. She'd tried to get out of it. Alice nodded.
"Thank you." Archie left after a quick conversation with Zelena. The car ride was awkward. Alice was so scared that at any second Zelena would remember her attempt at angering her and decide then was rhe best time to act on it.
"Im nkt mad, Alice. But you cannlt keep taking the iv out. You need the stuff inside it so badly. I don't knlw how you've managed tonstay standing without it for so long." Zelena was talking as calmly as posdible. But the damage to Alice's bkdy had been severe and the psychological effects had been worse.
They got into the hospjtal. Grtting alice to sit in the bed had been another round of bribery via stickers and promising her that she wasn't going to get in trouble for it. And reminding her that Luna was alllwwd to sit with her.
Ryan entered the room. "Okay, really?" He quickly remebered who he was talking to. "It's alright. I knlw. This must be frustrsting and difficult and do i have to ket you decorate the bag? We can do that. But you've taken it out so many tines. You habe to stay in the hopsjtal." No. No. No!
Alice shook her head. She hated this place! And mother was around and could wake her uo any tine she wanted. Well she kinda wanted that but still. This place was terrsfting. People constsntly talking to her and touching her and she wasn't sleeping in a bed. Not happening. She refused. No.
"I know. Just for a few hours. You have to manage tonget through one kf these before you try to rip it out. Now i knlw you dont like me touching your arm but i need to check kf the needle is broken or not." Alice had resigned herself to that fate and judt let him do what he needed, shaking the entire time. "Luckily, it's okay. I have to take it out. Think you can be really brave and let me touch your arm again?"
Alice nodded.
"This may hurt. Scream as loud as you want to. It's fine if it hurts. Let me know if it hurts." .
Alice winced butbrefused to scream. No one would get that from her. She wouldn't show how much pain shebwas in. She bit her tounge and held back the pain.
"All done. Stickers?" Alice nodded and picked a sticker. "Youncan have more than one. You did great."
Alice took another sticker then oulled away holding her arm drfensivley against her body.
"I'll be right baxk," Ryan promised. Alice was having a hard time dealing with things. She waited until Zelena was the only person that could see her. She was already angery, anyway. It wouldn't matter. But it made Alice feel better. Alice threw Bear and threw the pilllws on the bed. Itbwas rrwlly all she could reach from where she was sitting. Aside from the cup of water that was offered to her. She wasn't going to drink that. But she picked it up anyway.
Zelena noticed but didn't say anything, scared of scaring Alice out of doing sonething she had been refusing to do. Alice thre the cup at the wall. She didn't qyite have the stre gth for it to go where she'd ained but it still spiiled everywhere. Alice pulled her knees ro her chest and burried her fsce in her knees. Which Luna ibtercepted. Alice sat constsntly flicking hwr eyes over to thr closed door. She just wanted to know what she'd done wrong. She wasn't sure. Maybe someone would tell her. Butbit felt like no one would. And so she had startrd to just hope she didn't get in more trouble. But that hadn't worked so she was trying as hard as she could to show thst she waa upset. No one seemed to care.
"Hey, I know this is hard," Zelena told her. "But you have to do it." Alice nodded. Of cpurse she had to. Punishments were a thing for a reason. She couldn't quite figure out this reasons, though. It felt like she was going throughbthis because she was around. Maybe that was it. Maybe everyone was tired of her. Zelena didn't have to keep her. Alice decided she'd try to give Zelena as much space as possible. She couldn't go anywhere completly alone. She couldn't take care of herself. And she was aware of this. Alice leabed ovrr and asked Luna if they could move. She wsnt and sat in the corner, dvery so often glancing at Zelena, trying to find a way to be out of her way. Itbwasn't working.
Ryan returned and saw where she waa sitting.
"That's ok. I've got to put a new iv in your arm," he told her. Alice shook her head. It wasn't something that usually got her out of things but she did try.
"I know. I know you don't like this, it's probably not very fun. You're scared and tired and just dont want to do this. But you need to. So either hold onto bear rewlly tightly or sonething while i do it or pet luna a lot."
Alice pulled even furthervaway from him, if that was possible. All she wanted was an answer. To a question she hadn't exactly managed to ask.
"Where is besr?" Ryab noticed the toy was missing. Zelena grabbed it and told Alice what she was doing as she borught it over to her.
"You're okay, i'm just bringing back thr oltoy. It's okay. I'm going back to my chakr." Alice took bear and nodded, watching both ryan and zelena.
"It's okay," Ryan told her. "You can do this."
Alice couldn't fight him for long. Eventually it'd happen. She caved and let him out the iv in hee arm. With every intention lf trying tonget it out the first chance she got. It could only bother her. And if no one was telling her how long it had be there? Or what she'd done wrong? If jt was truly not allowwd to come off, wouldn't there be a key. Alice rubbed her wrist. The lingering feeling of mother's far too tight restraints digging into her skin no matter what she did to adjust herself so it hurt less. She was glad that the iv did t hurt. But itbstill bothered her so much more than pain would have.
"Good job. Try not to touch iy so much," Ryan told her. "Can you get back in bed? Thr floor is gross and i'd rsther not have you get sick."
Alice reluctantly agreed and got back on the bed. She hated ir but it didn't matter. "Thank-you. You can turn the tv on kf you want to. There's coloring books in the drawer over there. You don't just have to look at the wall," Ryan told her. Alice nodded but wasn't really in the mood for those thing.
Ryan left and Zelena was sitting reading a book. Alice touched thr iv again. She wanted it gone. She was sick of it already. It caused her problems and if she took it out, mayve they'd stop putting it back in. Alicr grabbed at it. Some kind lf beeping stsrtrf thr secknd she did. She threw her hands over he esrs as she fliched away from the loud noise. "Sorrysorrysorry."
"It's ok," Zelena told her. "You didn't cayse that. Sometimes hopsjtals have weird sounds. Do you want to do something else?" Alice shook her head. "Ok."
Zelena returned to reading.
Alice kept messing with the iv. The beeping sound hdn't returned. She kept pulling at it. Glancing over at zelena for the words she knew she'd say. And then managed to get it out of her aem again. And there was blood. Alice felt a bit more confodtsble and laid down. She still struggled to fall alseep at first in the bed but she got there. A different njrde csme in to chek on Alice. Woke her up. Zelena had gone tonget them both food and so was absent during this interaction.
"You're a bit difficult, aren't you?" Alice was half asleep and didn't know what was going on.
"Sorry."
"You've taken out so many ivs. You can't do that. Do you want to sit up or lay down?"
Alice blinked. Sit up? "Sit."
"Ok." The nurse adjusted the bed. "The dog can't be on the bed while I work. Too risky. She might bjte because i'm touching you." Alice shook her head. Luna wouldn't hydt anyone. Dogs dkdn't hurt anyone. This lady was strange. But she was scared and did as she was told.
Didn't rrally earn her thsr she was putting another iv in. And then talked to her more.
"Clearly thrre's a problem with leaving you unattended with an iv. So we have to restrain you.".
Alice tried to pull away from the nurse but there was no where to pull away too.. she leaned fsr enough back that she fell off the bed. It hurt. But she didn't show it.
"Clearly you're a danger to yourself." Alice was terrsfied. She started hyperventilating. But luna coukdn't reach her because this nurse had told her luna wasn't allowed in thr bed while she did what she needed and had had alice leash her and tied her up elsewhere.
"Luna." Alice managed to choke out. It didn't help.
"When i'm done you can have the dog back." Alice nodded, blankly. The fear was consumping her. And she knew how to get out lf it but she coukdn't. She felt helpless. She got back in the bed and threw besr again.
A needle went into her arm. With no warning. And then she felt the way mother's potions made her feel. Out of it. Diffivult to concentrate. Sleepy. Alice flicnhed as something went around her wrist. She couldn't feel it fully. She fell asleep and didn't wake up for a little while.
Zelena walked in wkth food and saw Alice asleep. The long sleeves of her dress for a moment covering up the problem. Alice woke up and mkved. Orntried to. She then panicked. She couldn't talk. She couldn't move. She had no option now. She had nonway of expkaning hownshebfelt. Whatbwas wrong. She couldn't even touch luna, who was still leashed over next to zeleba' chair. zelena saw luna and assuned she'd gotten out of alkce's way for a monent kf there had been dome kind of outburst or that she may have gone to grab sonething but then she looked cllser and luna was leashed. She couldn't get to alice if she needed to. She undid the keash quickly and luna rushed to alice's side. Jumping on the bed and sniffing her then pawing at her. Alice nodded. She needed her but she couldn't reach her. She struggled a bit with the restraint and then just cried. She wasn't paying attention to the fact zwle a was there.
"Hey, hey,, what' wrong?" Zelena asked. Alice tried to move her arm to show her. But she couldn't. And she really wanted tontell her but every word felt heavy. "Alice, i need you tell me what' wrong." .
Alice nodded. she wanted to. Didn't Zelena get it? He was trying. Whatever had been kn that needle had made it so hard to talk. A nurse came in toncheck on her.
"Sometjing's wrong," Zelena told her. "I cam back and she seemed upset but is having a hard time saying why."
alice finally manged to kick the blanket away a bit. Which easily showed that Alice couldn't mlve her arms kf she wanted to. Nonwonder she was terrafied. Who had thought thisbwas a good idea? Zelena was furious.
"Alice, i know. I know. I'm not sure who did this. I'm sorry. Is it okay kf i take off the restrsints?" Alice nodded, shaking. Zekena did exactly that and Alice pulled her arms back closer to her, rubbing thebwrist. That had kinda hurt. Shebwasn't sure what she'd done.
She opened her mouth to say sorry and couldn't.
"Can i talk to ryan?" Zekena asked. the njrse agreed. Zelena stepped into the hall to yell at him.
"I went tonget food and came back to alice prwcticslly tied to the bed. Something she's terrafied of. And now she is having an even harder time then usual speaking."
"What are you talking about," Ryan asked her. "I was on a break the last hour." They went back into the room and Alice flinched away. That was no real indicator of if he was lyong or not because alice was scared of everyone.
The hosputal no longer seemed even remotley safe. "We can try doiing this st hoke, instead," Zelena offered. Alkce shook her head.
"You want to do it here?" Zelena questioned. Alice shook her head again. She didn't want ro do it at all.
"You still have to hsbe the iv, i'm sorry." Alice pushed something awaybfrom her. She couldn't even apologize right now. She hated this. Zelena sighed but they got her dischsrged and went home. Zelena had no idea what to do. But they'd go to the diner in a little while.
A/N: this chapter got weirdly long and wildly out of hand.