The Encounter

by ClubLulu333

Weeks into her initiation, Everly is struggling with her decision to stay in Amity. Pressured to stay by her family and friends, things become even more complicated when her chance encounter with a certain Dauntless leader puts her right on his radar. Will he be the one to change her life, or is she just another trophy on his hunt? This is an Eric meets Everly in Amity story!

26. Chapter 26

Thank you so so so much to everyone who has been supportive of my writing. I have truly enjoyed everything I've worked on, the friendships I've made, and the people I've gotten to talk to. Writing has been such a fun outlet, but I definitely feel like my time in this fanfiction world has come to an end.

There is only one chapter left after this update.

Thank you so much for Bamberlee for editing! Have such a good weekend everyone!

---

In the end, my entire life fell apart with one more final encounter.

I stood in the hallway of the Dauntless infirmary, staring up at the grin on Jeremy's face. It should have been my first clue that something, no everything, was wrong. He walked toward me slowly, perfectly even teeth and an eerie calm behind his eyes, and his hunt was all I could see. Mayhem, blossoming with each step. Excitement, at the sight of me, alone. Determination, as his hand reached out, and he grinned even wider when I stepped back from him.

"What's wrong, Everly? Are you…afraid? I'm not going to hurt you."

He was.

He knew it.

He thrived on my fear, real and insistent, and I had no time to run. Every time I'd ever seen him, he'd always looked like he was hiding something. I could never quite place my finger on it because I didn't know enough. I didn't know he'd spent his days trying to prove he was capable and fearless and as violent as they wanted him to be. I didn't know half of what went on behind closed doors, or why Eric went to meeting after meeting, or why he needed to keep a close eye on everyone. I didn't know the struggles they didn't make public, or the anger that spilled over the stress of things.

I had no clue the divide ran deep. Eric on one side, his friends determined to support him and themselves, and the others, questioning how long they could keep up the façade. Dauntless was a faction desperate to protect everyone, but they were really scrambling to protect themselves. Their alliances had made them vulnerable, especially to Jeanine, especially now.

I saw it then, the inevitable collapse of everything I believed, as Jeremy grabbed my arm with a heavy hand. His loyalty was not to Dauntless. It wasn't to Eric, or Max, nor was it to the few friends he'd made or the fiancée he was insistent upon marrying.

It lay with Erudite.

Like Eric, he'd been encouraged and chosen to fulfill a path demanded by someone else. When Jeanine couldn't get to Eric, she didn't let it deter her. She went to someone close to Eric, or as close as she could get. She'd poisoned Jeremy from the inside out, another puppet for another villain unwilling to do her own dirty work.

"Eric wanted me to come find you. I'm supposed to take you to Erudite. There's something you need to see." Jeremy smiled, and his grip hurt.

I didn't believe a word out of his mouth.

I tried to wriggle away, but with minimal training and the odds stacked against me, I was stuck. I called out for Arlene, or anyone who might have been wandering by, and Jeremy shook his head and told me to stop. He pulled me close, and his eyes were so dark he appeared otherworldly.

Landon had looked the same way the last time he tried to get to me. Like the violence in him was so all consuming that it opened up space for whatever demon wanted him. Landon's demons had been his own arrogance, but Jeremy's were pure and utter greed. He had me, trapped in the deepest part of Dauntless, late for an appointment that I wasn't so sure even existed, defenseless. Coming from Amity hadn't made me weak, but it hadn't made me strong enough to think I could take Jeremy by myself.

"Where is he?"

"He's in Erudite. They took care of everything and he just…Tori is there, too. They're waiting for you. Eric said he'd come back himself, but he's stuck in the meeting and he can't be interrupted."

I still didn't believe him. My intuition wasn't wrong in telling me to try and get away, but I had no way of saving myself. The frustration was heavy and so was the fear.

"Okay."

In the end, I should have run.

I should have run from all of them.

Arlene, with her sharp needles and paperwork, and her steely stare that held nothing past making sure I was fine for Eric's sake. Jason and Rylan, liking the idea of chaos enough to support Eric bringing me here, but never quite informing me that Dauntless might have been the most dangerous place of all. Lauren, livid at the sight of me, for very good reasons, and Tris, her dislike of me ringing true, perhaps the only one here who'd been openly honest.

No one had been honest.

I wasn't any safer here than I was in Amity. In fact, I was less safe, hidden in plain sight, set out for slaughter.

Even Harrison had gone, leaving me in the hands of men and women who needed a distraction while everything went on behind the scenes. He was, once again, faced with a choice he didn't want to make: stay for a daughter who wouldn't be here long, or go to Amity for the only woman he'd ever loved.

I felt foolish. Naïve for thinking Eric would ever love me, that Harrison wanted to know me, and stupid for believing I belonged here.

I wasn't sure where all of this came from, or why it hurt so much that I could barely take a deep breath.

It was then I knew the end was near, and I had no choice but to face it.

---

The ride to Erudite was quiet.

It was silent on my part. I sat in an oversized truck, with paperwork in my lap, and my hands shaking. Every so often, I looked out the window to try and see where we were. None of it made much sense, but some parts seemed familiar. I knew the trees looked like the ones by Amity, but they also looked like the ones by Erudite. I couldn't tell which route he was taking or why, and I couldn't figure out which direction we were going.

Eric had been right in picking someone who didn't know anything about how Dauntless worked. My eyes slipped over the blinking lights, and I listened to the low crackle over the speakers as someone called in a command. It was irrelevant to me; sixteen men were being dispatched to somewhere in Abnegation. A possible riot, or a possible nothing. I listened to their confirmation, to the response from Jake, mere days into life in Dauntless, confirming they were en route.

I swallowed thickly when Jeremy turned the truck to the left, and Erudite came into view. The glass buildings offered a lot of promise; the higher ones –like the hospital where Daniel worked –gleamed in the sunlight. The shops looked busy. The streets had members in blue walking up and down, or sitting outside cafés enjoying exquisite coffee and ornate salads. Only a few looked up as Jeremy drove past, and not a single one looked concerned.

I was concerned.

I'd toyed with my phone when I got in the truck, thinking I should call someone. I didn't have anything to lose. I hesitated to call Eric. I didn't want him annoyed if he were in an important meeting like Jeremy had said. I took the chance when Jeremy walked around the truck and I called Harrison. I kept the phone low, watching Jeremy pause to talk to one of the guards. He glanced back at me once, and I smiled.

Harrison didn't answer. The phone rang and rang, and I knew I didn't have a chance in hell at him picking up or figuring out what was going on. It went to a voicemail, and I quietly told him I thought I was in trouble. I whispered I was in Erudite, and I was fairly certain I didn't have very long, and that even though we hadn't had much time together, I loved him.

My guess was he'd never listen to it, but I didn't care.

I did it for my own selfish reasons, wanting someone to know I was trying, and someone to hear my last few words on this Earth.

It was all that kept me together as Jeremy parked wordlessly in front of a building I didn't recognize, and loudly instructed me to wait for him to get out. If he thought I was going to flee, he was right. I could have easily turned and sprinted toward any of the stores, or even the coffee shop Eric had taken me to. I could have hidden until I could call Eric, or maybe Jason. Rylan. Begged them to let me go, or maybe thrown the phone and ran, chancing my own survival on how fast I could find my way back.

All this felt paranoid.

Insane.

I grew dizzy when Jeremy yanked the door open, and even dizzier when I slipped, blinded by the sun bouncing off the building. I followed him quietly. He told me not to say anything as he flashed a badge at the security guards standing by the doors, and we were waved in without a single blink. He walked me to an elevator, and he pushed the number four before he looked at me.

"Did Arlene give you your test results yet?"

"No," I shook my head, holding on to the papers tighter. I'd tried to glance at them, silently cursing myself for not paying more attention when Molly had given them to me. My name was at the top, and a list of tests performed was printed below. "I was looking for her when I ran into you."

"They said it was urgent to bring you here. My guess is you need to see a specialist." Jeremy stares, and I stare back.

He was lying.

Erudite was full of specialists, but I didn't need to see any of them.

"You know those aren't what you're thinking they are, right?" Jeremy cocks an eyebrow, and when the door opens, he pushes me inside the elevator. "Arlene did routine bloodwork, yes. But the Erudite labs tested it for other things. They sent Arlene two sets of paperwork. One, with test results you haven't gotten yet. And those, with the tests Jeanine asked for."

"What tests?"

I never got my answer. The doors shut, the elevator rose up fast enough to make my stomach drop, and they opened before I could demand Jeremy tell me what was going on. My guess was something with the percentage had shown up. On the off chance Jeremy wasn't lying, I could have been brought to Erudite to show there was nothing wrong with the tests results. Or maybe Eric was having me come meet him to show them everything was fine.

Things had been changing, so maybe this was the start of something good.

My optimism died when Jeremy swiped his badge at the scanner on the wall, and the doors opened to reveal Jeanine standing there, waiting patiently, all alone.

---

The chair was cold.

I sat in silence while Jeanine flipped through the paperwork, and my mind raced with a plan on how to get away. It was obvious I could rely on only myself. Each step had taken me further and further away from my chance at survival, but I wasn't giving up. If I could get out of here, and I was hopeful I could, I would find a way back to Amity. I would find Harrison. I would make him tell me what was going on, and hope he wasn't a part of this.

I nearly threw up at the idea of him being given control over Amity because Dauntless thought it was a way to control two factions. Dauntless overseeing another faction had sounded good. Really good. Since Johanna had failed to keep us safe, it made sense to let someone else take over. Harrison was perfect. Good. Honest.

Or maybe not.

Maybe he wasn't any of those things, and that's why he'd left my mother in Amity the first time.

"These are accurate? The percentage is incredibly low." Jeanine spoke evenly, and her interest in me was minimal at best. Every so often, she glanced my way. Her frown was permanent, and entirely unforgiving. "This is the best you've got?"

"For now. I wanted to show you what was going on. You said any amount of divergence counted, as long as it was greater than zero. Eric was hiding her from you. I couldn't figure out what he was doing with some girl from Amity. Then I realized he wanted her because she is Divergent. He knew. Even if the number is low, you said it counts."

"It does," Jeanine agreed, but her words weren't impressed. "Three percent is –"

"She's the only one we've found in months. They're getting rarer and rarer. Better at hiding, which is why we can't find them. This one was dumb enough to believe Eric liked her. He kept going to Amity and then I heard about her and I heard she wasn't fitting in very well. He brought her to Dauntless, and when I saw her there, I figured it out. It was easier to keep her in Dauntless than lose her in Amity."

"What about the marriage?" Jeanine looked at me, squinting as though I weren't real.

"It was real. He needed her to stay in Dauntless. It was an attempt to throw everyone off his track. He was going to present her to you to look like he was the only one capable of finding Divergents. Everything is a game to him." Jeremy grew worked up, and he stopped to grasp me by the hand. He held it up, waving it at Jeanine like it proved something. "No wedding ring. No matching tattoo. No matching Leadership tattoo. Nothing to tie her to him except a piece of paper he threw in the trash."

"She's not a leader," Jeanine returned to her report, dismissive as ever. "She's not even –"

"Are you going to test her or what?" Jeremy snapped, and my chances of making it out alive dwindled even further. "Are you…

He stopped speaking when the doors opened. There was an electronic beep, followed by a hum of approval, and they swung open so Eric could walk through. He walked arrogantly, his uniform darker and newer, and the blue stripe practically glowing. He tilted his head when he saw me, until it stuck at the odd angle. I waited for him to nod in reassurance or throw me a smile and announce this was a misunderstanding, considering he'd pressed his lips to the side of my head early this morning. But when our eyes met, there was nothing.

Not an ounce of recognition or feeling.

Just a blank, indifferent stare.

"What are you doing? How long has she been here?"

"A few minutes," Jeanine answered him coolly. She closed the report with a sigh and crossed her arms over her chest. "This is your best work? Really?"

"You said yourself she was a threat," Eric answered slickly, and he stared at me so intently I had to shut my eyes. "I thought you wanted all Divergents, no matter what. Everly is…"

"She's disappointing at best. If someone couldn't pass at ninety percent, how will they pass with three percent?"

The ache in my stomach was almost unbearable. They went back and forth, arguing like I wasn't even sitting there about a test I knew nothing about. Every so often, Jeremy chimed in, insisting the number meant nothing. In his mind, I'd gotten into Dauntless without even trying. I'd been given access to a faction which wasn't mine. I'd gotten close to Eric.

I was capable of anything.

Except rational thinking.

I looked up at Eric to find his grey eyes trained on me, and I remembered our last night together. The way he'd looked up at me, the way his fingers had dug into my skin, the way he'd asked me to tell him I loved him. He'd baited me, trying to mock my asking if he'd ever love me, because he knew he couldn't.

He'd been telling me all along not to trust him, and I hadn't bothered to listen.

"Eric…"

I said his name quietly, hoping to jar something in him. I'd spent a lot of time with Eric. I'd spent hours in Amity, hoping he'd show up. I'd spent time in his truck, time in his bedroom, time in his bed. I'd touched skin beneath the dark shirts and dark pants, and I'd learned all sorts of things about him. Who he was, or the person he wanted me to think he was.

I still clung to the ounce of hope that he'd been honest. Had he really done all this, coming to visit me in Amity and taking me to see Arlene, demanding she make me not sick, all because he was going to drag me in to Jeanine and have me tested? Was this really what it took to get what he wanted? Was this really how it all ended? Me, trapped in Erudite, about to be given some test where it was likely I wouldn't survive, let alone pass.

It was.

Eric walked over until he was right in front of me. His fingers touched my jaw, tilting it to the side so he could press one along the side of my neck. "Give her a minute. Let me explain what's happening, and then I'll do it."

"No, way. I brought her in. I get to do it," Jeremy insisted, and Eric's grip grew tighter as he looked down.

"Everly…"

"Don't say her fucking name. You don't owe her shit. You said it yourself. Everyone has a job in Dauntless, including you. Don't fucking change your mind now. You trained me for this. You showed me the list of names and hers is on it!" Jeremy was ruthless with his words, and ruthless with whatever he was planning on doing. My eyes met Eric's as Jeremy neared me, and I tried to jerk away before he got close.

"No!"

My shriek did nothing to stop him or the pain. Jeremy was prepared for this moment, more so than anyone. He jammed the needle into my neck, as sharply as Arlene's work, and I gasped when the burning pain started. Eric's stare grew dark. He shoved Jeremy away to grasp the syringe and it went deeper until he ripped it out.

"That's too much! That's not even the right dose." He snarled, and he threw the syringe off to the side. "It won't work now."

"It'll work. She'll just be drowsy until it ends. Maybe after, if she makes it through," Jeanine called out, watching all of this unfold. My brain screamed at me to stand up. To run away as fast as I could. The door didn't appear to be locked from the inside, nor was it very far. I could get out, go downstairs, and

and

and

Everything turned blurry.

In front of me, Eric bent down. His fingers returned to my face, and he was cold. For the first time, his touch was icy, and he pried my head up to look at him.

"Everly?"

I tried to focus on him, but it was impossible. The room changed and blurred, softening the sharpness of his face and the darkness of his jacket. It amplified the crack of his knees when he knelt down to take my face in both his hands, and it made him glow. His eyes were less blank now, and in them, was the faintest speck of remorse.

"This wasn't how this was supposed to happen," he murmured, and my heart rate sped up. "I tried to warn you. I told you what I did here. I thought I could change things before they figured out what was going on."

"Eric…"

His lips parted, and my cheeks grew warm, wet, as I shook my head. A thousand, million thoughts ran through, but almost all of them led me back to the times when I was so sure he felt something for me. The times when he told me about his father, or the time when he was furious about his mother. His insult had been real. I felt it, so tangible I could have reached out and taken it into my hands. It was impossible none of it meant anything, or I'd imagined it had happened.

It cracked apart when he bent forward, and his head touched mine.

"You'll be alright. I promise."

"Why?"

He didn't answer me.

His hands left my cheeks, and I heard him say something to Jeremy. The simulation started before I could realize what was going on. There was a cracking sound, a loud explosion that rang out in my ears, and then silence, as the entire room went dark and I went under, right along with it.

---

The simulation was endless.

It mirrored my dreams, ridiculing me over and over, showing me that all along, I had been brave.

I'd dismissed the thought my entire life. To me, there was no honor in anything I'd done. I hadn't been fearless or heroic, nor had I done anything great to save anyone. To my surprise, the simulation showed me otherwise, though I feared it was simply going haywire.

On a day when the snow was threatening to fall, I saw myself punch Landon. I saw myself tell the truth as no one listened, and I saw myself grow furious when they chose to believe him over me. I saw real anger, real heartbreak, and real frustration as my own world was taken out of my hands, lie by lie. I saw myself with Eric, offering him anything and everything, so desperate to connect with someone, so incredibly lost as I fought to save myself, merely wanting someone to believe me.

I saw myself sitting in his truck, my skirt pulled up beneath my feet and my hair everywhere as we ate salads. I saw myself walking up to him, in the middle of the woods, not afraid for a single second. I saw other things, too, dreams or other realities, and I wondered if any of them were real. I watched my mother and Harrison walk along the lake, pausing as he told her how sorry he was and she promised him she'd never once not forgiven him. I saw Forrest and Willow, happy and content, as he rescued her from a life of nothing and kissed the top of her head while he said good morning. I saw Zander, looking up at the stars in the night sky, naming them while Wesley and Leif half listened.

I stood silent while May informed Holly and Paisley everything would be just fine, and I stood like a ghost in a nightmare while Carole grudgingly gave Jerry one of her prized chickens as a peace offering. I saw other things, Jason and Not Jason, laughing as they sat on the outskirts of Amity, trying to search my name in a database, guessing my height incorrectly, on purpose. I saw Tris and Four, sitting in the mess hall, sneaking a smile at each other while Quinten slammed hamburgers down in front of them, only to later walk home together, dark shirts in a dark hallway, with a tiny glimmer of light flickering above them.

I saw myself, standing before Eric in a white dress, looking up at him. The collar of his shirt was black, so black it seemed like a color I'd never seen before, and I wanted to touch it. I did. I reached up, skimming starched fabric and inked skin, and his eyes closed.

He said he was sorry.

It was low. Muttered and murmured, for real affection and sorrow did not come naturally to him. A life of calculated expectations had made him cold, and the few nights we shared were the only warmth he'd ever known.

I saw it all, bravery and terror and honor, and I realized there was no difference amongst them. I'd been brave when I didn't know it, honorable as I refused to let someone else decide my fate, and terrified at my own fearlessness. I'd risked it all for the chance of something, anything, and in the end, I lost everything.

The thought was comforting as the simulation wound down. It was like one of the shows I'd watched on Eric's couch, as the glow of the screen dimmed and the music tapered off. It happened just like that, one final image of Eric telling me to keep my head down, and one more warm, low, utterly desperate apology not meant for me.

Then, it was over.

---

This time, the sun is cold.

It bears no warmth, but it coats my skin in fading rays. I pull the white sweater tighter, blinking up at the cloudless sky, and I hurry.

Amity is nearly deserted.

I walk along the dirt pathway, familiar as ever, and I wave hello to the few walking home. They all smile, warm and happy, and a few look worried. I smile wider, hoping to reassure them I am fine, and no one believes me.

They shouldn't.

I'd shown up a month ago.

After an endless rush of everything I'd ever worried about, I opened my eyes expecting nothingness. Death, maybe. A white room with Jeanine and Jeremy hovering over me, or maybe Eric, pleased with the test results. Instead, I opened my eyes to my old bedroom and my same pink sheets. I sat up quickly, the wave of nausea just as intense as the simulation had been, and it took a long time for me to move.

My room was the same.

Dark, wooden walls with pink flowers on the windowsill. White curtains. A closet stuffed with dresses of varying shades of pastels, and a few brighter ones. Worn, soft boots bought at the general store. Snow boots, some flats, shoved in the corner until it was warm enough to wear them, and a pair of rainboots for when Zander and I went walking through a storm.

I wasn't sure it was real. I threw the covers back and put my feet on the floor carefully, fully afraid I was still in the simulation. I expected Eric to appear out of nowhere, or the floor to disintegrate beneath my feet.

Nothing happened.

Down the hallway, Wesley yelled for my mother to come help him, and Leif yelled at everyone asking if they knew where his shirt was. Holly and Paisley told everyone to be quiet because Zander was sleeping, and downstairs, Harrison cheerfully told everyone they were going to be late for school. It was surreal, the hint of an alternate universe, in my own home. Harrison called my name, and reality swayed back and forth so quickly I barely made it to the bathroom in time.

It took a few days to calm down.

Once I did, I wasn't sure what had happened. Harrison did his best to explain it. I'd undergone a simulation meant to unlock some secret about being Divergent. Jeanine wanted this information for her own benefit, and Eric had once been the person helping her find the key to solving the mystery. His loyalty to her had given him everything he wanted in his life, up until that very moment where she was taking away what he really wanted.

Me.

The problem was my divergence was barely enough to do anything. Even with the large dose, the serum malfunctioned, for a few reasons, and in the end, I was subjected to my own memories, some hallucinations, and one near death experience.

After who knows how long under extreme duress, my heart rate eventually dropped low enough to cause panic. My assumption was that moment happened when I heard Eric say he was sorry. Harrison couldn't tell me what happened after that. He only said he got there in time, because as luck would have it, he easily put together what was going on and made his way to Erudite without any hesitation. He showed up shortly after I was well into the hellscape, and he walked into a bloodbath.

He didn't tell me all the details.

He did tell me Eric tried to stop it. He said he arrived to see Eric shoving Jeremy against a wall, and Jeanine screaming for them to knock it off. Jeremy wound up being tossed through a large panel of glass, but it wasn't enough. It sparked something in Eric that sent him spiraling into a fit of rage, and he shot Jeremy in the head over and over. When he was done, he turned to his aunt, and fired his last remaining bullet.

She died in a lackluster manner.

Gasping for him to stop and trying to press her own blood back into her skin.

Harrison went on to explain, over cold cereal and bright sunlight, that once Eric told him what happened, Harrison made him leave. He told him to wait outside, to secure the exits and make sure no one came up to the office, and he'd come get him and they'd go back to Dauntless. He promised him he'd fix this, and the first step was getting me out of there.

Eric listened.

I wasn't surprised Eric believed him, nor was I shocked he'd tried to stop the simulation. My guess was he felt guilty. His guilt manifested into raw fury, and when he couldn't undo what Jeremy had done, he took it out on him.

I don't remember any of it, not standing up or looking at Harrison, not even when he told me to stay quiet, or when he guided me down a stairwell. We left without saying anything to Eric, or even seeing him.

I faintly remember Harrison saying we were going home, and this was the last time anyone would ever try to hurt me. I vaguely remember Harrison's truck, unfamiliar and rumbling, but fast, and it felt like a faint memory as he turned down a back road into the furthest part of the Amity faction.

Eric lost it once he realized he'd been lied to.

He went straight to Amity, but Harrison had already called a few friends for backup. By the time Eric got there, Amity's border was lined with men and women no longer willing to take any shit from a rogue leader. They shot at him as soon as he showed up, and when he screamed for Harrison to stop them, someone screamed back that the Amity faction would no longer be in contact with Dauntless. They were seceding. They would help on a strictly business basis; deliveries would go out as normal, so long as Dauntless kept their distance and didn't set a foot on Amity land. Eric laughed, but they were right.

Harrison cut ties as soon as I was back with him. He had my mother come get me, and a few disgusting teas later, the serum wore off, and I collapsed into bed, and slept until sleeping became too much.

Now, it had been a month since a single soul from Dauntless had come here.

In a lot of ways, it was nice. The faction was quiet. Calm. Silent at night, but heavily guarded by Harrison's army. They took pride in their new positions, and he took pride in keeping us all safe. The whole thing left the Dauntless faction reeling, and in turn, Abnegation followed suit.

So did Candor.

Dauntless was left with a weak alliance with Erudite.

The news traveled quickly, sparking both outrage and triumph. The outrage came that this never happened sooner. The triumph came when one of the Dauntless trucks stalled in the Candor streets, and the crowd grew. They didn't help or offer to lend a hand, they began to yell for them to leave, to get out, and Dauntless soon realized the Candor faction wouldn't help.

I didn't care.

Dauntless and Erudite could test their serums on each other for all it mattered. I no longer concerned myself with who was doing what, or what alliance entangled with the others. I'd experienced more in the past few months than I ever wanted to, and it left me feeling furious.

Sometimes though, like today, when my stomach hurts a little more and my skirt fits a little less loosely than it did before, I think of Eric. I think of the way I truly did love him, even if he never loved me. The thought of trusting him hurts, like a swift kick in the ribs, but I find myself grateful I'd experienced it.

Because without heartbreak, there was no love.

And for just a little while, for those few fleeting moments and warm, late nights, I got to feel something an awful lot like love.

---

"Can the moon crush you?"

Zander looks up at me from the bathtub, and his question is a serious one.

The previous ones –was the moon made out of cheese, did aliens exist, and had I ever been to outer space –were serious, too.

"I don't think so," I shake my head, and I rise up on my knees to rinse his hair. The dark strands are slicked back completely, and in my absence, he hasn't at all abandoned his quest to be as Dauntless as possible. I felt a pang of sympathy at this, knowing the Dauntless faction was currently one of the least popular and he would find more happiness here than there. "It would have to fall from the sky and I don't think that can happen."

"Gravity," Zander throws out, and he dunks himself beneath the water, sending it lapping over the edge and onto the floor. He emerges with glee, and gestures for me to rinse the bubbles out of his hair again. "It could. Everly, are you sad? Did you fall? Did you hit your head?"

I shake my head no, and I rinse his hair again, doing my best to keep an even expression.

Zander isn't my responsibility in any way these days, but I find myself volunteering to look after him. He's a great distraction. Always up for an adventure, and always needing something. He smiles up at me forcefully, then makes a face showing all his teeth.

"Daddy said Eric was bad," he confesses, not at all quietly. "Daddy said "Time out, Eric." He said –"

"Which…who is daddy?" I help him put conditioner in his hair. It's longer than I remember, sort of curling up in crazy places, and he lets me since he knows it'll help me brush it out. "Harrison or…"

"Daddy."

There is no difference for him.

Zander loved whole heartedly. He didn't care who wanted the title of his father, just that they took him on whatever escapade he wanted. My guess was it was Harrison he heard talking, and I realize I have no idea how this dynamic was working. Were my brothers and sisters going to see our dad? Was Zander? Did he like Kerrie? Had he met her? Did his little mind work overtime to separate the two male figures in his life, or did it willingly accept them as one?

"Okay, well, let's get you out and ready for bed. Do you want to sleep in my room?" I look at him hopefully, thinking painfully I've come full circle. Months ago, I was locking him out of my room. Now, I'm hoping he'll say yes, because the thought of sleeping alone made my chest hurt. "Or are you sleeping in your room?"

"On the moon," he laughs like he's told the funniest joke in the world, and he misses my miserable nod. "You can come. I have room."

He laughs again, verging on tired hysterics, and I smile as I squeeze the water from his hair.

"Sure." I pull the drain in the bathtub, and Zander shrieks as the water gurgles down. He waits until the last minute to climb out, and he touches my neck with his hand.

"You okay?"

His fingers poke at my skin, right where Jeremy had stabbed me. It still stung, and every so often, I could feel the memory of poison slipping beneath my skin, burning through my veins with an unstoppable force.

"You know what, I will be." I smile at him, wrapping him in the oversized green towel, and he smiles back.

He doesn't end up staying in my room tonight, but it's alright. I fall asleep on his bed, reading him a story about pirates and sea monsters and a one-legged villain who looks nothing like Eric. I dream of nothing, and for once, when I wake up, I'm not so sure the moon couldn't fall out of orbit, and if it did, hopefully it would land right on top of Dauntless.

---

On an even colder day in January, I think I see him.

Visitors aren't rare these days. We get plenty from Abnegation, still dutifully helping out the factionless. In a lot of ways, Harrison's changes are for the better. We still provide produce to the factions, but we have stronger ties with those who now see how valuable we are. We slowly lost the title of weakest faction once they realized they couldn't grow their own food. Candor tried. They gave it a shot, in the heart of winter, only to realize the specialized green houses were built for a reason. After three weeks of silence, Jack Kang himself appeared, and humbly asked to form a partnership. He didn't like being left out, and Abnegation willingly agreed three factions working together was better than two.

Erudite grudgingly accepted the crates of food.

Dauntless tried. Max pleaded with Harrison, trying every trick in the book. He threw some weak rant about loyalty and respect at him, reminding him of his pledge to help protect the factions, and even tried to arrest him. He sent Jason and Rylan, both looking at me pleadingly from behind a wall of farmers who weren't letting them in, and their best attempt was to yell out my name and tell me Eric was miserable.

I kept walking.

Between feeling sick to my stomach half the time, and the dull headache that wouldn't go away, I wasn't in a great mood these days. I snuck out today to go see Hank, and I stop by the bank of the lake, freezing in pure horror when reality slaps me in the face.

Eric stands right at the edge of the woods, as close as he can get without someone seeing him.

I blink at the sight, his blonde hair severely parted but longer than I remember, and his uniform jacket askew. It's dull, no longer the stark black and shiny blue, but worn. His eyes follow me for a moment, hard and unfriendly, and when I blink, he's gone.

He was never there.

Or maybe he was. Reality was fuzzy these days and compounded by my lack of sleep and lack of interest in eating, I sometimes couldn't trust what I was seeing.

I press my palms over my eyes so hard I see stars, and when I pull them away, the empty forest spans before me.

"Hey! Hey! Let me walk with you. It's freezing out."

The voice belongs to Andy, warm and friendly and having fully recovered from being attacked in the greenhouse. He was the first person to welcome me back, and the only person to not treat me like the factional pariah. It's not that everyone is afraid of me, it's that they didn't know how to handle my return.

Neither did I.

So, I let them have their space. I spent most of my time at home, trying to get Harrison to tell me what was going on.

"I'm alright. Thank you. I'm going to see…my dad." I answer honestly, and Andy flashes me a bright grin. He liked Hank. He worked with Hank. He sometimes reminded me of Landon in that aspect, and I sometimes feared an awkward marriage proposal would show up at any moment. "Do you want to come?"

"I'd love to."

Andy and I walk on together, and I try to ignore the feeling of being watched. Once I'd returned to Amity, Harrison shut down all the cameras. He and his friends cut the wires, then tossed the cameras in the lake. The last one left standing was mounted on the wall in his office, as a strange momento of a different time, but mostly like a deranged trophy.

It sat above an oversized fish, one with tangled fangs and a mean frown, and it made me slink away every time I saw it.

"Are you okay, Everly? Do you want to talk about…" Andy pauses to think of a delicate way to ask if I wanted to talk about being arrested, being married to one of the leaders of Dauntless, then being brought in to be tested and nearly killed, then returned to Amity by its newest leader and treated like I might shatter if someone looked at me wrong. "…the party next week?"

"Sure. I'm really looking forward to going," I smile back, and Andy is thrilled.

I'm less thrilled, but I don't have to be, and I'm fine with that.

Personal growth is hard. It stings, chipping away at my entire nervous system with each step. Letting go of what happened but not forgetting, all while trying to decompartmentalize the strange past few months often felt impossible. Sometimes, the factions blurred together until I couldn't differentiate the memories between the two.

Amity had parties.

Dauntless had parties.

Dauntless had an entire rooftop for parties. I never did get to celebrate New Year's, and I never did get to see what Eric's friends had planned. I sometimes wish I'd never gone, because it hurt to know an entire world existed elsewhere. I miss Christina, her shriek of joy every time I saw her, and I even miss Tris. I miss Four in a weird way, almost like I'm missing a friendship that never really got the chance to be an actual friendship but could have been.

I miss a lot of things, but Amity is safe, and Dauntless isn't. Eric isn't even safe, if he's alive.

Two days ago, Harrison told me Eric had been forced to take some time off. His meltdown over what had happened was epic according to the rumors. Eric destroyed his office, then Max's. He fought Tori until someone ripped him off her, and nearly killed Jason for suggesting he go home. He punched Rylan in the face, violently taking his anger out on his closest friends, only to be subdued when Rylan wryly informed him that I wouldn't approve of him punching him like that.

I sat silent while Harrison told me all this, imagining Eric returning to the apartment where my clothes were. I wondered if they were still in his closet beside his jackets, or if he'd thrown them away.

I didn't bother to ask.

Each day without him felt like someone was pressing on the bruise on my neck. It was still there, dark and gloomy, and at night it throbbed. I didn't ask for anything to put on it, because I liked the feeling. It reminded me of him, and I knew I was being stupid. I'd come to the conclusion that love is stupid, almost as stupid as the serum that didn't work, but it was one hell of a drug.

Even worse was the thought that while Eric might not have loved me, he had believed in me at some point.

That one stung on every level. He was the first person to believe me about Landon, and the only person watching to make sure I stayed alive. Even if he only wanted me because of some percentage, I believed he was lying to himself about why he kept coming back. I refused to believe he had felt absolutely nothing. I was hardly the best he could do given either situation, and he knew it. He'd liked me enough to want me to stay with him when he could have just taken me to Jeanine a million times over.

If what Jeremy said was true, Eric's only motive in getting to know me being he wanted to bring me in for testing, then Eric was shitty at his job. He could have easily arrested me or kidnapped me far sooner. None of this had to happen, just for a lousy percentage that wound up meaning nothing.

"Me too. Your brother said we might have two bonfires. That sounds really cool. He said there's a band that wants to play. Maybe two bands?"

I don't answer Andy.

It wouldn't be cool, but it would be better than sitting in my room, staring at the notebook Harrison had left for me.

It was the same as before, except for the space beneath my name.

In Harrison's handwriting, there's a line with the percentage already crossed out, because they no longer mattered. The name before it is left blank, since there is no name yet, except for a last name.

It sits there, written in black ink, thick and legible, begging for me to go save him.

Coulter.

---

Hank is very happy to see me.

He crushes me against his chest, carefully, and doesn't let go. He feels like home in a different way than Harrison does, and I find comfort in knowing that'll never change. I throw my arms around him, soaking in the feeling of his warm flannel shirt against my cheek, and I close my eyes until he says my name.

"I've thought about you every day. Harrison told me…. he promised me you'd be safe. Then he brought you back and you were…you were so out of it. He said he got out before things got bad, but I was so mad at him. I've never been so mad before. I thought you were hurt. Everly…"

"It's not his fault. I swear. He was a huge help in Dauntless. It just…it got crazy at the end," I look up, and Hank shakes his head. He looks better than the last time I saw him, and I'm happy that his new life seems to be doing him some good. Andy walked me here, then got called away to help the neighbor coax her cow back inside. "Is Kerrie here? I'd love to meet her."

"Are you sure?"

Hank stares at me in disbelief. We've come a long way from him believing Landon over me, to insisting I marry someone I loathed so his friend would be happy. Harrison was good and kind and he had gone to hell and back for me, but Hank still held a huge level of importance I couldn't ignore.

"Yeah, Harrison told me she was staying. I wanted to come visit you both."

"She's been wanting to meet you," he nods, and he looks over his shoulder and calls for her. "Kerrie? Everly is here."

For a brief moment, I consider the weirdness of all this. My father, now in my mind as Hank, is about to introduce me to a woman Harrison had suggested stay with him. The nature of their relationship was pretty quiet. Over breakfast, Harrison told me Kerrie and her husband had split up a year ago. She was staying with her sister until her sister got married, and Kerrie was sort of pushed out. She was younger than my mother, but not by much, had no other relatives or family here, and didn't want to impose on anyone. Harrison decided it would be helpful to have her stay with Hank, and Hank gave her a room without any question.

Other than that, no one knew much.

But when I see her come around the corner, I know she won't be leaving anytime soon.

---

"Your father said you're the strongest woman he knows."

Kerrie smiles at me, and she's pretty in a startling way. She reminds me of the dolls in the general store, shoved onto a high shelf so the little children couldn't break them. Her hair is long, tumbling down to her lower back in loose, blonde curls. Her dress is white and pink, pretty and more elegant than what most wore, and her shoes are velvet. Her voice is shockingly soft, almost like she can't speak above a whisper, and her eyes are dark.

In some ways, she looks like my mother.

In other ways, she's nothing like her. She's fragile, like she's been crushed, maybe by the moon, and skittish. There's a blue flower pinned on the side of her hair, and her nails are a matching pale blue. She hums while she fixes my father's shirt, neatly stitching up a side my mother had fixed a dozen times over, and she's slower but precise.

I expect to feel a wave of rage at the sight of her. Her place here is not just as his roommate, not even with the slow burning distance between my mother and Hank. She didn't split them up or tear them apart, and this might not even last.

But her care for him is evident, even knowing he came with a slew of children, not even all his, but all claiming a tiny part of him. I wonder if she ever feels like there is anything left over for her, but she knows there is.

I do, too.

He brings her tea, arranged on a plate decorated with hand painted flowers, and sinks onto the sofa beside her. They sit close together while she sews, and the silence in their home is overwhelming. He must need this, after so many years of all of us under one roof, all demanding his attention. I know there are rooms here for my brothers and sisters, and my heart sinks a little at this.

"I'm not, but thank you." I take a sip of my own tea, something warm and soothing, and Hank looks at me curiously.

"Everly, what's wrong?"

"Would you like some toast?"

He and Kerrie speak at the same time. Kerrie's face tenses, thinking she's ruined this moment by simply existing, and I understand her completely. Not everyone had to be doing their most. She didn't need to run around and perform and make herself likeable. She was fine, absolutely lovely, and probably what my father needed after loving a woman who was still in love with someone else.

"If I ever wanted to stay with you, could I? Even just for a night?" I pull my own dress down, and I sink into the sweater. It's Hank's, warm and knitted by my mother, and he'd left it behind when he moved out. "Harrison said there are rooms here for –"

"Of course, there's a room for you. Don't you even think otherwise. The house is huge. Zander stayed over a few nights ago. He said we have a better view of the sky at night. You're always welcome to stay with us." Hank interrupts me before I can say the terrible words, and he knows what's wrong. He leaves Kerrie to sit by me, and he pulls me closer, letting me collapse against him. "I'm going to go grab you some lunch. Do you have time to stay? Your mother said you didn't have anything to do today."

"I don't have anything going on. I'd love to stay," I smile as he stands up, and he tells Kerrie he'll be back. She insists on helping, and he insists on her staying with me. I wait until he's gone, then I look at her, looking at me. "Are you…you like my…my dad?"

The word isn't anything stressful. I just want her to know he'll always be important to me, even if he decides he wants her to stay here forever.

Which he will.

Her presence is everywhere, pressed right into the flowery wallpaper of the hallway.

"I do. He's very kind. He let me stay when I had nowhere else to go. Harrison suggested it. He told me, your dad was the best person he knew, and he'd help me for as long as I needed," she pauses to take a sip of her tea, and her eyes are wide at the romanticism of such a gesture. "I didn't come with any intention. I was just looking for a roof over my head. I didn't know I needed a friend."

"Me either," I look back at her, and in the kitchen, I hear my father rummaging through the cabinet for bread. "I'm glad you're staying here with him. I was worried he'd be alone."

The thought had hit me a few times, but it was a stress I simply couldn't take on.

"He told me you were married, but your husband is not here. And something bad happened?" Kerrie tries to make sense of the situation, but I don't have any more of an idea than she does.

I shake my head no, trying not to laugh at the idea of being Eric's wife.

It felt like ages ago since I saw the paperwork, and even longer since I asked him if we were married. I could still hear his confession, like a secret just for us, whispered against my cheek on that dark night.

I could also feel the weight of the marriage, still legally binding, still tying us together.

"He's in Dauntless. I don't know what he's doing, but it just…didn't work out." I leave out the part where he may have married me solely to turn me in to Jeanine. "That's okay, though. I should probably follow up on that at some point, but I think I have time."

"You do," Kerrie answers, and we both look up when there's a crash in the kitchen and a yelp of protest as the plates hit the counter. "I think your father needs some help."

"I'll go with you," I set my tea down on the end table, and we both stand up.

I follow her into the kitchen, feeling strange that she knows the way and I don't, but I smile when Hank insists both of us sit at the table. The afternoon slips away into a new normalcy, and I find myself reluctant to leave.

Their house is warm, full of kindness and happiness, and it makes it all the worse when they both hug me goodbye and I walk home alone in the bitter cold.

---

One dark, clear night, I sit on the roof.

In retrospect, it's the dumbest place possible. It was terrifying to climb up here, not because of the height, but because of the rickety ladder and Harrison affectionately warning us we'd fall to our death. He told us we were crazy to want to come up here, but Sophia claimed the view was the best to see the shooting stars. I went along willingly, and now I sit squished between Sophia and Courtney.

Below us, the rest of Amity gathers around not one, and not two, but three large bonfires. Each one is enormous, billowing up high into the night sky, but starting to burn out. Out of the corner of my eye, I spy Forrest throwing water on one, and Willow cheering him on from the sidelines.

The air is sharp up here, biting as a gust of wind whips by, but familiar. I watch Zander help Forrest douse the second fire, and Wesley and Leif work on the third. I'd spent most of the party with my friends. Our reunion was seamless; they approved of my return, and they loathed the thought of what happened with Eric. They were on my side, carefully pointing out a number of eligible bachelors who would be willing to marry me, and a few who'd bravely declared they'd take Eric to Candor to dissolve the marriage if I asked.

I didn't.

"Hey, do you, do you think Eric is looking for you? Or he'll come looking for you?" Courtney nudges me, then scoots closer. Her boots hit mine, and they are identical to the ones I have on.

"Harrison said he'd shoot him if he came back here." Sophia answers before I can. She scoots closer, too, and links her arm through mine to keep her balance.

They both look at me, and it's impossible to look at them at the same time. I look at the crowd beneath us, laughing as Forrest hops away from a large spike of fire.

"He won't come back. He has no reason to," I shrug, taking comfort in my friends and their sudden, intense desire to keep me safe.

I didn't need them to.

Eric hadn't done anything other than lie about what he felt for me. His grand plan of securing me as the last or great Divergent felt weaker and weaker the more I thought about it. He'd had every opportunity to turn me in way before he arrested me. Married me. Took me to Arlene, frantic that I didn't feel good. The more I tried to decipher what had happened, the more I believed Eric was afraid of what he felt and he truly didn't know what Jeremy was doing.

It was a good hope to hold onto.

I didn't really have anything else, and it felt better than believing he just wanted to prove to Jeanine his worth. It didn't mean much in the grand scheme of things, but it did mean that I had the ability to move on. It was starting to get easier to sleep at night, though I still stayed up late with Harrison most of the time, and it meant I no longer felt manic when I looked in the mirror, and the changes I'd ignored before weren't so easy to hide.

"Everly, what would you say to him? Would you tell him he sucks or what? Or that you hate him?" Courtney is rightfully angry, and her tone hinges on unbreakable rage. "If I ever see him, I'm going to slap him in the face. He tried to kill you!"

"You don't have to slap him. He didn't try to kill me. He just…was involved," I shake my head. "From what I heard, he's been miserable ever since that day. I don't think it was Eric's plan. I think Jeremy wanted revenge on Eric for something. I don't know."

"Gross. Well, I hope he stays away. I can't imagine having anything to say to him? Do you?" Sophia tightens her grip on me, and I fall silent.

I stare at the crowd beneath me, feeling like I'm back in Dauntless. They mill around in small groups, passing drinks and snacks between them. The atmosphere is happy, easygoing, and celebratory, and it should be. Harrison had announced we were on speaking terms with the new leader of Erudite, a young woman named Cara, and she wanted to mend the bridge that had been burned.

He seemed reluctant to trust her, and I didn't blame him.

"Everly?

I finally look up when the first bang goes off. The roaring fires below us have gone out completely, and the whole faction stares up at the sky.

There, above the darkest and thickest part of the trees, is a burst of pink. A second one shoots up, exploding in the sky in a dazzling array, and it glitters as it falls down. More go off, one after another, and I realize they are fireworks. They burn brightly as they burst over and over, leaving streaks of color behind.

"Whoa!" Sophia slides down a bit to get closer, and she points to the woods. "Where are they coming from?"

"Over there!" Courtney points, and I alternate between trying to watch the fireworks and trying to figure out where they're being shot from.

From the looks of where she's pointing, it's somewhere just beyond the Amity border.

"How do you set them off?" Courtney wonders, and she points again, to a brilliant display of a dozen bursts.

They aren't timed out in any order, but they pick up in speed as the minutes pass. Two go off in a row, then three. The third one of the group is a light pink, nearly white, and it stays in the sky the longest. I watch until they burn out, and the sky quickly turns dark.

Amity lets out a roar of disappointment when the show is over.

The inky stars quickly extinguish the remaining traces of the fireworks, consuming them before they can fall back to Earth. I wait for more, but there are none. Just a fizzle of disappointment from the crowd below, and a whistle of appreciation from Forrest.

At the very edge of the bonfire, Harrison stares into the woods with a menacing scowl.

"You know, if I saw him, I would tell Eric I loved him, and I'm sorry he never knew."

Sophia and Courtney look at me like I'm insane, but I don't care.

I stare at the sky until my eyes hurt, and Harrison returns to coax us down off the roof.

---

My mother's assistant is not much older than me.

She makes a few notes on my chart, takes my temperature by pressing something to my forehead, and she checks my pulse. My mother frowns at all this, but she smiles at me, promising she'll be right back with some water.

"How are you feeling? Are you still sick?"

I stare up at her face, sort of angular and pointy, and I know she's from Erudite. Her red hair is pulled back in a low bun, and the coat is the same one I'd seen in the Erudite hospital. I wonder if she works with Daniel, or if she knows who he is.

I don't ask.

"I'm feeling a little better. I think the worst is over."

I sort of lean away from her, not wanting to be here.

Jeremy, a rotten person and total traitor, was also a terrible liar. The test results on the report weren't real at all, and he knew it. I'd been given some dummy paperwork with a list of bullshit tests that were never run in an attempt to lure me to Jeanine. Arlene's frantic phone calls had been to get me down there to tell me I was pregnant, and I can only assume she knew something was about to happen.

I think of her now, her organized infirmary hidden beneath layers of rocky Earth, and I wonder if she remembers me. I know she'd loathe this infirmary.

"Do you know how far along you are?" The assistant writes something else, scribbles I can't make out, and she pauses. "And the father is –"

"I don't know how far along I am. I don't think it matters," I answer flatly, and even her clinical expertise can't hide her surprise. "It's not that I'm not happy, or I don't care. I just haven't felt good for a long time. I figure at some point, I'll figure it out because the baby will be born."

She stares at me in utter horror at my lack of knowledge about when I could have gotten pregnant.

It wasn't something I was up for debating. I'd willingly had sex with Eric, more than once. He'd never asked about any sort of birth control up until I saw Arlene, and my guess was he had originally assumed I was on something. Every other woman before me had probably taken care of it themselves. Ashley was older, presumably smarter, and had access to all kinds of stuff I didn't.

I had tea.

A tea I'd drunk a few times and then tossed out.

In my naivety, I assumed I would be fine. Later on, Eric seemed to want a family, and it only built up the grand belief that he cared for me in a way he couldn't explain. I had been willing to risk it all to stay with him, even going as far as to think about having a baby with him. My last week in Dauntless had been filled with signs I'd been ignoring: an exhaustion so strong I couldn't fight it, the urge to curl up against his chest and just stay there, with my fingers curled into his shirt and my legs over him, and the lingering nausea.

The nausea was the worst.

Bad enough that I've made the decision I won't be having any other children ever again.

"Do I have to go somewhere else to have the baby? Or do I just have it here? The father is…in another faction."

My words bring up a slew of questions that no one really has answers to. Interfactional love affairs never ended well. My mother was living proof of the tragedy they brought. There was no way anyone was letting me go to Dauntless to talk to Eric or inform him about his child, and no way I could split my time between both places. The best scenario was he didn't know, and that seemed to be the only plausible outcome.

"Your mom will help you, I'm sure. If the baby's father is," she pauses, and I catch her name on her jacket. "If the baby's father holds a high enough position, you can give birth wherever you'd like. Erudite has a fantastic facility. Candor has a smaller hospital, but it's well staffed and very clean. I personally wouldn't pick Abnegation, but the women there are very supportive. A few are coming to intern here with Eden." Cassidy finishes this speech with a smile, and I know she thinks I'm an idiot. "You're young and healthy. I'm sure everything will go just fine."

"Oh, I'm sure. I don't think anything else could go wrong. My life is going amazingly well these days," I answer dryly, and my mother throws me a dark look as she returns with a drink. "Do you need anything else from me?"

I take the drink from my mom, and she glances at her assistant. I hate that it seems like they're having an entire conversation without speaking, and I hate it more when they both nod.

It's how I wind up trying to remember the last time I had sex with Eric, right along with the first time.

---

At some point, when the wind chill isn't below zero and the sky is less grey, Willow gives birth.

I just happen to be there for my own appointment, disliking everything about being pregnant so far, and I was called in to help. I had thought I might panic, since Willow was doing her best not to scream or cry, and it looked like it hurt. Her contractions were quick, and with each one, she asked for her mother.

Not Forrest.

She tearfully told me, in between waves of pain and relief, that he was driving her insane. She loved him dearly, but his voice hurt her ears and she threw up the last time he tried to hold her hand. So my mother sent Forrest to go find Willow's mother, and I was tasked with sitting by her.

"Don't do it, Everly. Don't have the baby!" Willow cried even harder, and she crushed my hand in hers, yanking me closer. "He's going to think I can't do this! Forrest is going to leave and…and oh FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!"

My nephew was born minutes later.

He was slippery and bloody, and my mother handed him to me to clean up while she helped Willow. The other people assisting her immediately sprung into action. Some wiped off Willow's face, some held her hands, and a few helped me tend to the baby. Willow's mother made it right as we wrapped him up, and she burst into tears when we handed him to her. She held him tightly, then turned and gave him to Willow, and sat down beside her.

All in all, I rated the experience two out of ten stars. Willow was a mess, crying off and on, especially when she looked at her son, and she cried even harder when Forrest showed up. He cried, too. He stepped on my foot as he pushed past me, and he told Willow she was amazing. I stared up at him with pure annoyance because he was a terrible birthing partner and a minute ago, she was telling me how annoying he was.

At least he was here.

Part of me felt sick over having to do this alone, and the other part reminded me I'd willingly climbed on top of Eric and not gotten off. Well, I had gotten off. Multiple times.

Look where that had gotten me.

I finally left when Harrison showed up. He held his grandson for a moment, announced he was proud of Willow, and then he and I went to go walk along the lake. I waited until we were far enough away from everyone to look up at him, and he stayed silent until I spoke. I felt terrible for being in a crappy mood the day of my nephew's birth, but I couldn't help it.

It was like all my fears were coming true right before me.

"Are you disappointed with how this all turned out? With me?"

I wait for his answer, and my whole world depends on it. If he tells me yes, that his not-so-secret daughter in Amity is an epic failure, then I don't know what I'll do. At times, I felt like I was still stuck in the simulation. Reality wasn't feeling so real these days, especially not when my dress fit weird or the skirt crept up a few inches.

"Why on Earth would I be disappointed in you? If I'm disappointed in anyone, it's myself. I worked with Jeremy for months. Trained the fucker how to strategize for battle. If I'd had any inkling he was going to pull that shit, I'd have shot him myself." Harrison nudges me with his arm, and he smiles. "How many can say they went to Dauntless, married their leader, got to live their best life, survived death, and now get to hang out with me? Because I can only think of one person who can say even a third of that, and it's you."

The smile I eek out is forced.

"I'll be nineteen when I give birth. My husband, who I'm pretty sure I'm still married to, isn't even here. He doesn't even know. And now I live at home, with you and mom."

"You can move if you want. I thought you liked living at home," Harrison pretends to look insulted, but he's not. "And Eric knows. He's losing his fucking shit that he can't get to you. Arlene is considering putting something in his coffee to make him sleep for more than a few hours."

"You've talked to him?" I stare up at Harrison, and he shrugs like it's not that impressive. "Harrison! When?!"

"Daily. He calls all the time. New day, same story. It wasn't his fault, he didn't know about Jeremy, he was in the middle of killing him when I got there. He says he was never taking you to Jeanine. He's sort of…gone off the rails a bit. He's asked to come see you, but I don't think that's smart for anyone right now." He glances down, and I cross my arms over my chest, trying to downplay looking at all pregnant. "I put a lot of faith in that guy. I watched him fall for you over and over. I watched him sit in his office, typing up your name in the database, trying to figure out if you were really eighteen. I was there the day he first said your name. Told Jason and Rylan he was going to have lunch with you. The day he decided you were coming to Dauntless. I don't know where it went wrong."

"It went wrong when I asked him if he would ever love me," I stop in my tracks, and I shake my head. "I just thought maybe he would someday. It was a stupid question and I thought if I tried hard enough, he would."

"Oh, he loved you. He was head over heels in love with you. He just didn't know it because no one has ever loved him. Ashley was infatuated with him, but she didn't love him. He wouldn't know love if you smacked him in the face with it." Harrison sighs, and he kicks a rock with his boot. "Eric is too smart for his own good. That's the real problem. He loved you, but he couldn't figure out why he did and he was spending his time trying to figure that out."

"Isn't that bad? Or am I just sort of an unlovable person?" I watch the rock land in the water, sinking below the surface.

"You're hardly unlovable. Don't blame yourself. You think anyone ever said they loved Eric? I probably should have put a stop to all of it before he married you but, I guess I was hoping you'd both end up happy. He seemed happy."

"I thought he was."

I kick my own rock, not as far as Harrison did, and it only goes a few feet.

We walk around the rest of the lake in silence, and not once does his phone ring.

---

Andy marries a girl named Andrea.

I sit by Kerrie, watching Andy recite the same vows everyone in Amity did, and his flower crown slips every time he jerks his head in excitement. It's obvious he adores Andrea, and their whirlwind courtship is proof of that.

"Are you relieved?" Kerrie whispers, but it's pretty close to her normal voice.

I nod, having told her all about Andy and how he'd been showing up daily, until one day he didn't. Then I saw him with Andrea, looking like a lovesick puppy, and everything made sense. Andrea is sweet. Nice. Tall. They have the same color hair, and the same love for cutting snowflakes out of paper and admiring their unique designs.

"Yeah, I didn't want to marry him. I don't think I could marry him. I'm pretty sure Eric won't sign off on any divorce papers," I whisper back, and Kerrie laughs. It's light, like a fairy giggling in the garden. My father throws her a happy grin, and a few rows ahead, my mother turns around.

I wave, and she waves back, then resumes making Zander stay seated. He turns around to make a face, and he keeps it that way until my mother insists he behave.

"Is he handsome?" Kerrie asks, and I decide I like her.

"Who Eric? Yeah, he's really handsome. He might be a jerk, but he's still hot."

She laughs again, softly, right as Andy kisses Andrea. It's drowned out in a sea of clapping, and I have to say, this is the dullest wedding I've ever attended.

It doesn't get any better.

Rather than cake, Andy and Andrea have a display of fruit, tall and elegant and completely disappointing tasting.

---

In an unfortunate turn of events, the weather worsens, and Wesley discovers poetry.

In a further unfortunate turn of events, I am often the only one home, so I am the person he reads the poetry to. It's not his own, not yet at least, and on the most dismal day of my life thus far, he goes around answering me with nevermore, no matter what I ask.

I eventually throw the book at his head, and I hotly inform him I hope a raven pecks him to death the next time he goes for a walk.

---

On Monday, it pours off and on.

The weather continues to match my mood. My impatience with living in Amity has returned full force, and it's made worse by the pregnancy. I loathe the way everything fits weird, except for the looser, oversized dresses. They work just fine, but I hate how it feels like I'm being strangled from the inside out.

I hate a lot of other things, too. The nosey, yet, kind stares. The offers of help, like I can't walk a few houses down without assistance, or go run ten miles. Not that I ever ran ten miles before, but someone gently tells me it's okay to sit on the couch and read a book, and I have the urge to run and never come back.

I hate the feeling of being trapped, the weight of being a burden to my mother and Harrison, and the dull monotony of waking up every time Carole's chickens get loose.

I hate the way my stomach still hurts, along with my chest, and my eyes burn when I think of Eric. I think about him a lot, often at night, when my pillow is a poor substitute for him and the bed is too large.

Sometimes, I press my luck by slipping outside and wandering around.

There are no cameras anymore, and our guards are kind and cheerful. They accept bribes of freshly baked muffins or cookies, and they promise not to tell on me. At least, Jerry does. The others might tell Harrison, but they are usually too occupied with stuffing their faces to tell me not to go into the woods.

I wait until the rain lets up, and I take a cue out of Wesley's book of depressing poems and head into the woods. They are dark and dreary, and I definitely feel weak and weary. I keep close to the tree line, where most of the moonlight falls, but I get a little daring when I reach the opening where Evelyn had hosted her army. There is nothing here now, and in the middle of the night, it feels like walking on haunted land. I go further, spurred on by nothing more than a reckless attitude and a desire to get the fuck out of Amity, until I realize I've gone too far.

Halfway through my trek, I begin to panic.

My nightgown tangles around my legs, and Hank's sweater does little to ward off the chill. I retrace my steps as I walk back, and I head into the woods while pretending I know exactly where I'm going. The forest has long been my home, but now it laughs at me, pulling me in deeper and deeper, and when a tree branch cracks behind me, I know I've made a terrible mistake.

Ready to pass out from pure fear, I whirl around, and right into the ghost of the woods.

"What the fuck are you doing out here? It's almost two in the morning."

Eric catches me before I can stop myself, and I stare in total disbelief. Despite our last time together being the day when he touched my neck and announced he'd inject me himself, I can't help but bask in the relief at seeing him alive. He's real; solid and safe, warm and dressed in a thick coat. He immediately takes it off to drape over me and he scowls down at me in the dark.

"Everly, it's twenty-six degrees out."

I don't answer him. I stare at his face, still sharp and angular, and his cheekbones are more pronounced than I remember.

"Why are you in the woods?" I look up at him, and my cheeks are so cold I can feel them cracking.

"Why are you in the woods?" He shoots right back, and he looks awful.

He's still Eric. The level of his intimidation hasn't lessened even at the late hour, but in the dark, his skin is paler than normal. He looks as exhausted as I feel, and his eyes are dull. His hair is longer, somewhat unkempt, but still brushed to the side. The jacket isn't his uniform, but a heavy one I've never seen. He chews on his cheek while he waits for my answer, but I'm waiting for his.

His presence is concerning, if not suspicious.

"Everly?"

I shrug, having every right to be wandering around the forest if that's how I wanted to die. "I went for a walk. I couldn't sleep."

"So you came out here?" Eric's fingers are still on my shoulders, and I lean back to move away from him. I'm horrified to admit I want to hug him, and I nearly cry at the thought of pressing my face into his throat and falling asleep. I want to beg him to take me home, though I'd be an absolute moron to even dream such a thing. "Everly, are you…does anyone know you're out here?

I shrug again.

He doesn't like this, but neither do I. How did we go from sharing his last name and a point card, to standing in the woods while the rain threatened, unable to grasp onto each other like we wanted.

"Go home. You don't need to be out here. You should be –"

"Were you going to kill me? Back in Erudite?" I ask before he can stop me, and I take a step back away from him. "I thought I was your wife. I thought you said you'd keep me safe."

I stare up at him, his eyes glassy in the pale moonlight, and he stares down at me. His whole expression tightens, and I feel his exhale vibrate through me.

"You are my wife. I did promise you I'd keep you safe, and I meant it. I didn't know Jeremy had you. He called and told me he'd found someone, and he wanted to show Jeanine and me. I only went because he said they were from the factionless. When I saw it was you –"

"You acted like you didn't even know me!" I interrupt him darkly, and to my dismay, he nods. His posture is severe, defensive at my questioning. "Why! Why didn't you tell her I was—"

"She knew who you were. My best chance at getting you out alive was to pretend I was okay with him turning you in. I was going to tell Jeanine the serum didn't work and get you out the second I could. Jeremy wanted revenge because I wanted him prosecuted for helping Evelyn. I found out he plays all sides. He's got a few factionless friends he gets information from. I told him I was cutting him from the leadership program, and he tried to get ahead by turning you in to Jeanine. He thought it would secure a spot for him." Eric pauses, and his grip on me tightens. "I asked Harrison to bring you back. I didn't want you to leave. I would have killed them all for you. I did. I killed them both. Max had to vouch for me since I was the last one to enter the office and my card was recorded…"

He stops talking, and he glances down again, this time with wide eyes.

"None of that matters. I've been trying to find you. Trying to find a way to you. Arlene told me you were…you're…"

"I'm fine," I shake my head, not wanting to confess anything out loud. I do, because his stare grows intense enough that I flinch. "I'm not really enjoying it. Half the time my stomach hurts and everyone in Amity is annoying. My friend got married and I wanted cake and there was none. They had a fruit tower instead."

"A fruit tower?"

Eric blinks, and I'm reminded of when I told him I was trying to find a missing chicken.

"How are Jason and Rylan? Do they know I'm alive?" I step forward, and he steps closer too. It's unconscious on both our parts. I'd long been the only one he let get close, and he'd been the only one I wanted close. Before I can stop myself, I reach up to touch the collar of Eric's shirt, desperate to make sure he is real.

He is. His skin is warm, but quickly turning cold in the freezing air.

"I miss them," I touch his neck on the same spot he touched mine, and he winces.

"They know you're alive. Jason and Meghan have been devastated since you haven't returned, and Rylan has sunk into a deep depression. He asked to take some time off to process his loss. Max told him to knock it off, that bereavement time is for a death in the family, and Rylan stormed out. He's been MIA ever since. Christina blames me." Eric pulls me closer, and my boots hit his. One of his hands moves to brush my hair off my face, and the other moves to my lower back. "Everly?"

"Tell them I said hi. I miss everyone a lot."

"Are you happy?" Eric stares, his eyes piercing and his lips threatening to sneer, and I know he's remembering he's mad. "You hated Amity before. Why are you living here now? Is it because of Harrison? Or…. your brother? Do you miss…"

He stops, and his unspoken question is do I miss him.

I want to tell him yes.

I know I should tell him no.

I don't say anything.

His uncomfortableness with my silence is on full display, and he finally shrugs. The piercing above his eyebrow moves, and when I don't say anything, he nods and looks above me.

"Okay."

"It was good to see you, Eric." I crane my head up to look at him, and I move to take his jacket off. "You can have this back. I should get home. I'm pretty tired now."

"Why are you doing this?" He hisses. He's always had the upper hand, but now I do. I can see the desperation on his face, and the visible agony of us being apart. I know right then he never planned to turn me in, but things have spiraled so far out of control, he can't fix them.

"I'm not doing anything," I can't look away from him, and he sneers at me.

"Why?" Eric hisses, and I have the feeling I might actually get kidnapped this time. "I never meant for you to get hurt. I've spent weeks wondering if you were alive. It took Harrison forever to tell me you were okay and you weren't coming back. It's not even his decision. You aren't even a part of the Amity faction according to the paperwork you signed."

"I'll sign some new ones. You and I both know I can't go back. Not after…not after you couldn't tell me you loved me. Not when you let me get close only so I could die."

He is silent.

His jaw tenses, angry and unhappy, and he stares me down. It's not at all a good sight, but it's honest. For someone who spent all his time so in control of his persona, this is the most open I've seen him. Desperate and low, and clearly not doing well.

"I was going to tell you," Eric pauses, and his words are thick. "once I got you back to Dauntless. I was going to have Arlene make sure you were okay. I got you… you know what, here. You do what you want with it. Let me know when my child is born. There's not a chance in hell I'll let him live in Amity, Everly Coulter."

In a moment of childish rage, perhaps all he knows, he shoves something at me. He turns once he's sure it's in my hands. He takes off in the opposite direction, jacketless, and it dawns on me that he's walked here from Dauntless. He's probably been walking for hours, and I call out his name in pure horror that he's about to walk back.

"Eric, wait!"

He ignores me.

I fumble with the decision to open the box or wait until I'm home. It's small, square and warm from being in his pocket, and pretty. I rip it open quickly, and I'm thrown off by my name written on the inside. It's nearly impossible to make out the black lettering, but it's hard to miss the ring inside. It sits on a black cushion, large and ornate, and prettier than anything I've ever seen.

It was meant for me.

He had bought a ring after all. I wonder if he was planning on giving it to me at the New Year's party, or he'd bought it in an attempt to lure me back. The corners of the box are worn, like he's been carrying it for a while, and I nearly throw up when he gets far enough away I can barely see him.

"Eric, stop! Stop! Come back!"

I take off after him, ignoring the sharp gust of wind and the howl of the trees, and I realize he's already back in the woods.

I follow right after him, into pure and total darkness.

---

In the end, my decision making skills are questionable.

I chalk it up to lifelong inexperience. Eighteen, almost nineteen years, hadn't been enough time to prepare me for much. Eric had been everything to me. He'd shown me an entire world past Amity, and it was only the beginning. There was so much I didn't know and hadn't done, and right now, I make the sudden decision to take control of my own life for good.

It's why I keep going when there is a loud bang, and I recognize the sound as gunfire. It echoes through the trees, and I wait for someone to say something. There is no other sound, not a scream or a plea for help, and I panic.

Eric can't be that far ahead of me.

I rush through the trees quickly, ignoring the ache in my side and the way the nightgown gets caught on a branch. I push through low hanging leaves, a section so dark I could be going any which way, and the forest floor gives beneath me.

My whole life flashes before my eyes. I had a life in Amity, a second life in Dauntless, another life once I returned to Amity, and a fourth life, one that mocks me when I slide down the sharp drop of the ravine, and land at the feet of an unconscious Eric.

"No! No! No! Eric!"

All around me, the forest is alive. There is the sound of footsteps, the rustling of trees, and the spark of rain starting up again. It smells like damp Earth and pure fear. I scramble to my feet, and I make it over to Eric as the storm picks up.

"Eric, say something!"

Splayed out like some sort of unconquerable warrior, he lies unmoving. His shirt looks wet now, maybe from the few drops of rain, or maybe from the oozing trail of blood, and his eyes are shut. He is still as I press my fingers to his neck, and I let out a stream of expletives when I find his pulse. It's fine. Strong and steady, but he's been shot, and it was enough to knock him down.

I glance around quickly and my heart sinks when I realize I can't move him. There's no way I'd get both of us back up the incline, and there's not a chance in hell I can leave him here. He finally groans when I touch his side, putting pressure on the wound, and he mumbles something that sounds a lot like my name.

"Shit, shit, shit. Hold on. I'm going to call…I'm going to call…."

I fumble with the phone, and it's even harder when my hands streak his blood across the screen. I rejoice at having shoved it in Hank's sweater, but it's barely hanging on with a dying battery. My first call is to Harrison. I pray over and over for him to answer, but for once, he must be sound asleep. I try Jerry next. Carole. Forrest. Anyone who I know has one of the black market phones gifted by Harrison. No one answers, and the rain picks up enough that it sticks to the screen on my phone.

"No, okay just give me a second. I can fix this."

I swipe through a list of names, and my hands shake.

Maybe it wasn't my job to fix this. Maybe this was the end for Eric. Maybe his punishment for working for Jeanine was death at the bottom of a ravine, in the rain, while I sat beside him, trying to save him.

It couldn't be.

It felt so dishonorable, so unlike him. If Eric was going to die, he wanted guts and glory. Not a gunshot wound from someone who took off running into the woods and a wife who can't use her own phone.

I call Jason.

Rylan.

Meghan. I'm hopeful because hers rings the longest, but it eventually goes to a quiet voicemail, brightly asking me to call back later.

Arlene.

My cheeks are really wet when she doesn't answer, and I can't tell if it's from the rain or from Eric, still not awake. Every so often, he shifts. His fingers tense and flex, or he mumbles a word I can't make out. He sounds better, consciousness slowly coming to him, but he still doesn't move.

The phone rings again, the sound tiny in my ears, and I've all but given up when Daniel's voice greets me. His hello is cheerful given the late hour, and he asks who is calling. For a second, I can't answer him. I move closer to Eric, taking his hand in mine, and I nearly drop it when he groans.

"It's…it's Everly. Daniel, I need your help!"

How I say this is beyond me.

"Someone shot Eric! He fell down this ravine in the woods. It's just past the clearing. It's really dark and someone shot him and I don't think I can get him back up the hill. It's too far and it's raining and I'm all alone."

"Everly? What? Where are you?" Daniel's panic is immediate but expected. He immediately jumps into action, barking at someone to call…someone. Some connection he has, and then someone else. I hear a lot of talking, a lot of yelling, and a door slam shut.

"In the woods. I went for a walk and I ran into Eric and I haven't seen him in weeks because….because Jeremy took me to Jeanine and they were going to test me and they did and Eric tried to stop them but it didn't work and Harrison showed up and took me to Amity, and I don't…I don't know why Eric isn't moving."

My knowledge of guns is limited to what Eric had shown me. I knew how to shoot one, and I knew how to load one. I dimly remember to check if he has one on him, and to my horror, he's unarmed.

"Everly, what on Earth. I don't…how do I find you? I'm heading that way now."

"You have to hurry. It's really dark," I plead, knowing full well Daniel has absolutely no control over how dark it is or how long it will take him to get here. He asks me a few more questions, and I tearfully tell him there are no cameras out here. I try to explain where I am, but it feels impossible.

Out here, in the darkest part of the woods, down a sharp cliff, watching Eric's shirt dampen with his own blood. The phone beeps in my ear to alert me it's dying. I try to tell Daniel to hurry. I tell him I think there's someone in the woods, and I think they're coming back this way.

He yells my name right as the phone dies, and the figure returns to make sure Eric is dead. I collapse beside Eric, realizing with great horror, that this is it.

This is how it ends.

I accept it willingly.