Next day Itachi did something that completely surprised Sasuke. In the evening the teen was sitting in an armchair, in their home, reading. Or rather trying to read. Itachi was marching from the bedroom to bathroom, there and back again like a ball of nerves trying out different jackets before the bathroom mirror, brushing his hair for the tenth time or so. He was preparing for "a meeting" as he announced. One with sadistic inclination might even find the level of Itachi's confusion funny. Sasuke had witnessed nii-san preparing for countless mission in their childhood. At such times the grave mood would surround him like a cloud, but he had always reminded stoic, his actions purposeful, words measured. Apparently ninja training failed to prepare its participants to normal life activities.
"Seems like at least S-class mission," the teen commented from above his book.
"It's worse, much worse," Itachi murmured, looking for his watch among the pile of newspapers on the table. "Roses? aren't they too bold? White ones?"
"Oh, so it's definitely a date."
"It's worse, much worse..." Itachi answered inattentively.
Sasuke snorted amused. "Do I know her? Are you serious?"
"Otouto, please be quiet. And it's not a date, I need to apologize to my boss. She said she wasn't angry, but still..." the watch happened to be in his pocket and nii-san lost the thread.
"Oh, Nishida-san?"
"Yeap."
"She seems nice," he threw as a lame encouragement.
"Remember otouto, women can be deadly nice. Yellow lilies, yeah, that'll be good. Oh, I'm almost late. Take care!"
"Yeah, good luck. Hope they won't fire you for good."
The florist at Yamanaka's advised Itachi some field flowers. He bought the appropriate bunch, but before he reached the meeting point, the plants met their tragic end in a trash can. He remembered Mikami complained about the idiocy of bringing flowers to a date, so a woman had to carry around the wilting gift for hours. They were not on a date and she told him on the phone that she'd like the meeting to be as normal as possible.
Nishida chose a hipster bar near her place. Typical space filled with old unmatching furniture and modern lights. It was never extremely crowded, unpopular among ninjas and customers kept to their own groups, not imposing their presence at strangers. When Itachi reached the meeting point, she was already there, waiting at the counter, chatting with a bartender. She wore casual yet flashy clothes, purple mixing with yellow. Out of the context of work, under the warm glim from the light chains she looked like somebody else.
Itachi noticed his mouth were dry. Many silly thoughts crossed his mind, among others, that he had overdressed.
"Hi," Mikami noticed him when he walked up. She smiled lightly, even though she eyed him kind of wary, kind of questioning.
"Good evening, Mikami-san."
"Whoh, drop that serious tone, Itachi-kun!" she slightly patted him on the forearm.
"Mikami-san, please accept my deepest apologies," he bowed his head, wondering if that was enough. He felt stupid for what he did. It should have never taken place.
"I know it was accident, so don't stress out about it, " she shrugged. The easy tone vaporized."Apologies accepted, but you still owe me the explanations. Sit down already."
Itachi climbed on the stool beside her. The silence between them dragged them into the realm of awkwardness. Hopefully the bartender arrived and they could from now on stare at their drinks in desperation. They tried some conversation starters about the work but the talk kept fading after a few sentences. What was he supposed to say? These things that were left unsaid... were not so easy. He wouldn't, he couldn't.
"So, this whole situation..." Mikami couldn't stand the impasse.
"That was unacceptable from my side," he hopped to the safe waters of self-depreciation.
"Heard that already," she sighed. "So... you lashed out on this Yamato in frenzy, I know that he bullied Sasuke, he probably deserved it but... You just scared me. You've never acted so... emotional, so rashly... And everything that happen with you before that night... you were like a different man."
He gulped. The tie felt tighter. Why he even wore a tie?
"That's not... so simple. I'm sorry."
"What is really bothering you?"
He only squeezed his glass tighter.
"Itachi-kun. We are on your side. "she silenced him with a gesture " I know, I know, you're perfectly fine, probably just a little tired and you're ready to meet the consequences," she recited.
Mikami stirred her drink. Itachi was at a loss, fiddling with a straw. How he could even start? Was there even anything to start with?
He didn't know how long they sat in silence. Finally Mikami already picked up her jacket from the next stool and stood up.
"Look, I am...sorry for today."She turned to him in a resignation painted all over her face." I am.. frustrated about the situation. Just imagine I, we, care about you and I just don't know what is happening with you. Or I might think I know but you won't let me help either way." She put the money on the counter. "Anyway, don't worry, I won't press you anymore. It was a mistake to meet today and let's forget about it. I'm happy that you're returning to work and if you need anything, you can count on me. Take care."
"It wasn't a mistake," he managed to say, maybe more out of courtesy than personal conviction, but she was already gone.
He caught her at the door - he didn't want them to part like that. He didn't want her to be hurt. Or disappointed in him even more.
She simply acknowledged his pretense.
"I'm heading this way," she pointed down the street.
"Let me walk with you."
"Mhm."
Their walk passed in silence. Mikami held true to her promise and didn't force him to speak.
They quickly reached her tenement house. Itachi new the place, having picked documents from her before.
Before he realized that, they had been standing there for a while, unmoving, staring at each other's shoes. The lantern bathed their figures in erratic light. As always, Mikami was first to break the silence.
"Do you want to get in? You know, just for conversation or in your case maybe a tea, because you don't talk much. Men these days," she rolled her eyes, elevating the mood.
"Mhm, I should go now," but he was still standing there, unsure. He raised his hand contemplating some meaningful gesture and dropped it.
Mikami snorted.
"You're kind of sweet, when you're awkward like that," she stepped closer and gave him a light embrace, because that was the kind of woman she was: bold and caring. "Good night Itachi-kun."
The evening wasn't completely wasted. Next time, but really, Itachi would tell her about... for sure, tell her about... why... he was who he was. The snow started falling and he was still hugging her, trying not to melt from the little kindness.
[***]
Coming back to work turned out to be not a big deal for Itachi. Co-workers expressed their courtesy interest in his and Sasuke's well being and happiness to see him back. Other than that, they didn't pry. It was common knowledge that Itachi had a troubled little brother and they filled in the blanks by themselves. Probably no one, except a few trusted ones that were engaged in the whole case, imagined what the older Uchiha had done.
Mikami didn't try to talk about personal matters. To say the truth, they didn't even have time for that. He saw her less, but it could be due to the workload rather than intentional act. Itachi wasn't sure if he was happy about it or a little bit disappointed. He felt as if they lost their moment, mundane issues building fences around them again with each day higher. Just when he thought he could try, at least to get to know each other better.
Kikuta-san was the happiest to see him. He welcomed him with a pat on the shoulder and a tower of files. Despite his demotion, Itachi's tasks remained pretty much the same. With the Kuroshima visit, he had plenty or administrative work to do.
[***]
Itachi's compulsory "holidays" were over, but it didn't change much in brothers' dynamics. Usually Kikuta-san kicked Itachi out of the office at 4 p.m. point. Nii-san then detoured to pick Sasuke up from the hospital and then they would pass through a grocery store or a food stand.
Itachi brought a bunch of books on tactics, policing, sociology to brush up some knowledge before Kuroshima visit. Kikuta had asked him to organize workshops on managing an organization. The effect was that the brothers read a lot during long autumn evenings, Itachi out of necessity, Sasuke out of boredom. Nii-san was considerate enough to ask him for "help" although his genius brother didn't really need it. Either way it invigorated Sasuke. He found so much curiosity within himself. And he managed to admit that the fact that he succumbed to such low life during nii-san's absence was... concerning. Each day the tension of waiting for the council felt heavier, but other than that, life became quite ok.
Sasuke didn't care that their pastoral life was a short-time illusion. He didn't allow Itachi to cross the boundaries of every-day-issues-talk and if nii-san dared to fall into grim silence or sit paralyzed in an armchair with an absent look in his eyes, he would simply lock himself in a bedroom, fuming in anger. Was it wrong to demand of Itachi not to dig to deep? Because it was clear nii-san was not going to help Sasuke in anything that matter and he didn't wanted to go through the disappointed and betrayal once more. And he would not stand loosing Itachi again because of Konoha.
Sasuke's work too became more or less bearable. Just eight dull hours to survive. That was not where his interests lay in. Not that he had any precise plans, but maybe... If only Itachi was really on his side.
[***]
Itachi had been working the whole day, but there wasn't a single moment of peace to finally face what he had promised himself to do. He was so close to the notes of Sasuke's seals, sitting at his desk, yet, he couldn't open up the drawer. Just like yesterday and days before. People were flooding his office, the phone kept ringing.
At 4 p.m., when half of the people left the place and other half were immersed in work they had to urgently finish today, he let himself reach the drawer. He opened it in a one decisive pull, afraid that he would lose his resolve otherwise. Just like he had left them, two folded sheets hidden under some other papers.
The world slowed down. His heart was pounding heavily, drowning out all the other sounds in the room, his vision tunneled to the notes in front of him. He spread them out with care as if they were a religious artifact. And then the realization was like a sobering slap to the face. They were scribbles! Worm like patterns that were barely recognizable. No wonder, the Itachi that wrote them was a pathetic panicked man. Or maybe it was today's Itachi, that panicked again, losing the cold mind, imagining for who-know-what.
Itachi took notice how chaotic he was. The worst quality of a shinobi. He closed his eyes, took a few deep breath and steadied his chakra flow. He looked at the sheets again. Surely their appearance didn't change, but there must be some value in them. Not everything seemed to be so strikingly unfamiliar. Maybe he didn't have the knowledge to fully discern the signs among the patterns yet. If so, he would learn, he would research. He needed to, even for the sole sake of understanding.
"And here is our star, I'm sure he'll answer all your questions better than I. I'll authorize everything you'll agreed with Itachi-kun." Kikiuta's jovial voice appeared like a thunder. Too close, too fast.
Itachi spun in his chair, notes in hands, again adrenaline-fueled blood striking his brain.
Kikuta stood in the doorway with Kakashi beside him. The boss didn't comment, quickly coming down to the business. However Kakashi gazed at him with an unreadable expression. Did he see them?
"Itachi-kun, I though you'll be the best to choose a team for escorting our guests from Kuroshima, Hatake-san will tell you about the requirements."
Itachi slowly put down the notes, moved some other papers, trying to cover his doings and his confusion.
"Oh, yes, I was about to leave, but sure, I'll take care about it right now. Please, Kakashi-san, have a seat".
"Great, thank you Itachi-kun, I'll leave it to you then". Kikuta disappeared immediately after that.
"Actually, if you're leaving, let's go. We can talk as we walk." Kakashi offered lightly.
"Whatever is more convenient to you, Kakashi-san. I don't need to be on time today," he hinted that he didn't pick up Sasuke today. Still the jounin lead them out of the building.
Outside, Kakashi held out his hand.
"Itachi, we're good?"
"We're good," he grabbed his hand and shook it." Listen, I am sor-"
"Don't say it, we all have our regrets."
"Yeah," he sighed.
The sun was about to set. Reds and oranges didn't enliven the atmosphere though.
It imposed the pesky feeling of fleeting time and decay. Itachi tighten the scarf around his neck, feeling the chill creeping up his spine.
"About Kuroshima... " Kakashi started, "I want people with some shinobi background. Preferably detectors skills."
"Criminal department has many specialist in tracking and combat." Itachi gave him a bunch of names with information about their skill set. They discussed the formations and leadership. They quickly agreed on the list.
The men reached the intersection, where they paths were to part.
"Itachi, just one thing. Leave it. Leave it for now."
"You... mean...?"
"The seals." Kakashi said heavily.
Immediately the dread squeezed Itachi's heart. He hoped he heard it wrong. Maybe the jounin meant some issue between them or ...But how could he be thinking that Kakashi, the seasoned ninja, hadn't noticed the notes?
"You... so you know ... " he breathed out. There was no use in denying, Kakashi had known him too well.
"The council is coming.. You'll receive the letters soon."
Itachi turned his head to the nearest tree, seeing it but not focusing. So Kakashi knew. So it happened. So he could maybe...
"When it's all over, will... will you... ?" he asked, looking straight at him.
Kakashi didn't answer for a deadly long time, avoinding his ese.. When Uchiha was to turn and walk away shattered, the man however nodded. With no more word between them they parted.
Finally alone, Itachi took a deep breath. And started to hyperventilate ecstatically. It was so damned simple. And he needed weeks and a fuck up to get to this point.
[***]
Sasuke's little personal wellbeing was shattered by one letter. Two, to be exact. He found them in the afternoon, waiting in their box mail. One was addressed to him personally, the other to Itachi - his legal guardian. Elegant envelopes were marked with Hokage's stamp. He already knew what it was about. Stress skyrocketed He threw them on the table and tried to act normal, but the tension simply bashed him onto the futon. He wasn't ready to open them. He didn't want to know just yet. But he couldn't escape thinking about it.
The semblance of normalcy (had his life ever been normal?) he'd achieved with great effort was blown away in a split seconds. He really had been trying his best all these four months. Maybe it wasn't so visible, but he had. Had he caused any trouble? Broken any rules? He even burried his pride, his conscious and hadn't brought up the truth about this rotten village. Had he offended anybody? He hadn't even talk with Naruto not to provoke any incidents. And respected Sakura as much as it was possible in his current state.
But Konoha got offended by his sheer existence. The feud between the Uchihas and Konoha was insurmountable. He hadn't done anything against that damned village during this time, definitely not what they all deserved, and they again claimed the right to judge him.
"Tadaima" Itachi's relaxed voice flooded the flat. He heard some bustling and the steps up to the bedroom."What's happened?" nii-san asked softly.
"Nothing!" he barked off and rolled to the side, to hide his face. The sliding doors closed with a click.
Sasuke could hear and imagine every step Itachi was making. Creaking of the floor and then tearing of paper. Heavy flop on the sofa. Prolonged silence.
"Sasuke?" Itachi tried tentatively. from the leaving room. "There is a letter for you."
"I know. Leave it," he spat.
He brooded the whole evening. Itachi respected his foul mood and didn't disturb him anymore.
In the morning Sasuke grabbed his letter and left the flat before Itachi woke up. He let himself spent who-knows-how-much time wandering through a park still swathed in the darkness. He then realized he was going to be late for work, so he mustered the courage and tear the envelope.
The council will take place on 12 December. Parolee's presence is obligatory, it read in a bold handwritten letters.
Surely Itachi would give him a beautiful talk how the council was just a formality and everything would be ok. Fuck. Sasuke just didn't want to, really didn't want to go back to prison. Konoha had already taken too much from him to demand any day from his life.
Odds weren't really in his favor, they never had. What a shame Itachi learned about Yamato. Damned Hatake.
[***]
It was a tiring day for Sasuke. Gray and mentally draining. He had little quarrel with the staff, because he couldn't hold it anymore. He was past caring, but the words he heard today stayed with him surprisingly long. These people, who were they to judge him, what did they understand? They lived in their own delusions, blind at the truth about the village, about the whole corrupted world.
Anger must have woken him up, indefinable images from the day still churning just behind his consciousness. But he was home, it was quiet and warm under the sheets and for a moment he was shielded from the outside world. He asked his body to relax, just like he learned from Orochimaru.
He closed his eyes and listened. There was hardly ever any sound in the flat, Itachi's steady breathing was less than a whisper. Silence turned into rhythmical rush. That was his own blood moving in pulsating flow, his own heart. For better or worse he was still alive. It suddenly terrified him, the sheer thought of his own existence.
Not thinking much, his white hand walked like a spider toward Itachi. He was to grab the other's hand, but stopped just before they touched. He was not a child anymore. That was pathetic - he was pathetic, wanting somebody to care about him, to make him feel safe. He was so stupid and useless and weak. He wanted to scream, he wanted to trash, instead a sob got out of his mouth and he froze in fear. Warm tears ran from his shut eyelids.
The sheets rustled and Itachi's silhouette rose in the dark. Shit, Sasuke tossed to the side, hiding away, forcing all his will to control his breathing.
Despite the effort, he felt nii-san moving closer, and then, a gentle hand on his temple, moving the hair away from his face. Sasuke couldn't help the tears, he only wished Itachi would believe he was having a nightmare.
The hand stayed, cupping him in a soothing warmth. Sasuke wanted to lean into the touch and snap the hand away in the same time, but he was paralyzed. Oh how he hated the man right now. For his kindness that solved nothing, for his worries that made him feel even weaker, for his lies, for leaving Sasuke so many times, and he hated himself for forgiving him, for needing him still, for loving him always despite all what happened. Tears ran down his cheeks, tickling at his skin, wetting the pillow underneath him. He was laughable. Itachi surely realized he was not sleeping.
"Otouto?" Itachi whispered tentatively when his outburst subsided. He didn't react though, letting nii-san go away. "If you need me, just wake me up, ok?", his hand stroke Sasuke's cheek once again and withdrew.
AN: Uchiha boys deserve a hug! Anyway I can't believe it took me so long to update. I'm sorry for that and thanks for your patience. Huge thanks for the reviewers of the last chapter - ystv and Dragon 77. Also I've noticed some favs and follows - thanks for giving this story a chance despite my inactivity. Well, not gonna lie, I don't know when the next update will be, but whatever happens with the story I hope that these chapters brought you some entertainment or at least inspiration.
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