I do not own The Outsiders. All characters used from the book are borrowed with much respect to S.E. Hinton.

"Mmmm…" I rumbled deep in my chest as I pressed my face into the soft palm that stroked over my beard.

"You two okay?"

I opened my eyes to see Beth sitting beside me on the edge of Soda and Pony's bed; her eyes glowing with as much love and affection as I felt for her. Pony was tucked into my other side—attached to me like he was another limb. After our bath, the idea was to settle him until he was asleep and then I could sneak off back to the company of my wife. Unfortunately the long drive and emotional reunion had me passed out right along with him.

"We're good," I answered before turning into her hand to kiss it, and smiled back when she smiled at me.

"Are you hungry? Sandy said you didn't stop for hardly anything—you two must be starving?"

"Hmmm…" I shrugged, not wanting to confirm or deny her statement.

Beth was my rock, and I'd drug her down to the depths of a lot of pain and baggage that I owned. It was my job as her husband to protect her now. She didn't need to be worrying over how Sandy and I traded the driver's seat to make the long trek without a break; a day and a half of straight driving.

"What time is it?" I spoke softly so as not to disturb Ponyboy, who looked about as comfortable as I'd remembered ever seeing him.

"Early enough for me to dish up some supper for you both." Beth smiled before she leaned in and pressed her lips softly against mine. "I missed you, Darry."

"I missed you too. Next time you're comin'." I whispered before stealing another kiss.

"Deal!" Her eyes sparkled. "Now wake Ponyboy so I can feed my men."

"What's for supper?" I grinned as I began to slowly untuck myself from my brother's arms and legs, reaching for Sodapop's old pillow to press against Pony's front while he rolled himself into the warm spot my body left.

I watched as he pressed his face into the pillow, breathing in deeply, and wondered if he could still smell his brother on it after all this time that'd passed. I ached for him—not just for Soda, but I ached for Ponyboy too, because I knew this world was going to be that much harder for him to deal with without his brother by his side.

I reached down and ran my fingers through his hair.

"Fried chicken and potato salad. Are you not waking him?" Beth looked on at me in a confusion that just got stronger when I shook my head.

"He can't," I tried to explain, but I still couldn't deal with the fact that my brother wasn't able to feed himself anymore.

"What do you mean? Darry, what happened?"

I frowned when I saw the worry on her face, and I slowly bent over to gently pull the covers down from Ponyboy. I checked to see that he was still asleep when I pulled up on his undershirt to expose the tube that hung from his abdomen.

She took a deep breath and held it while her hands came up to cover her eyes. When she let that breath go slowly, her hands moved across and down her face; over her mouth while she looked up to the ceiling as though in prayer. I didn't know what to say—I was pretty sure I didn't need to be explaining anything to her since she was a nurse, but I still felt like some sort of explanation was in order.

"Okay, so it was that bad for him." Beth nodded as she spoke under her breath, and I nodded back before pulling the bed covers back over my brother.

"There's a few things Greg sent. They're in the trunk. Says he don't think he'll ever eat again—his throat…" My hand came up to wrap around my own throat as though Beth needed me to draw her a picture.

"Greg would know Darry, but it doesn't mean it's forever. We can get another opinion."

"Who from—Dr. Pederson? The guy's a putz." I grumbled beneath my breath and Beth bit back a laugh.

"So you keep telling me." She rolled her eyes. "Darry, I'll ask around work and see if I can't get some advice. There are a lot of great doctors who'd be willing to help us out."

"Nobody would before; not before Greg." I answered her doubtfully; already missing my friend.

Greg was a one in a million sort of doctor. He was a one in a million sort of friend.

"I think that had more to do with you than him, Darry." Beth grinned knowingly.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh Darry, c'mon! Greg has it so bad for you!" She giggled, and my heart thumped.

"What? How…how did you know?" I asked; a little more than freaked out about my wife knowing about the feelings my brother's doctor had for me, and if it would change what it meant for our friendship in the future.

"You mean you know? How did you find out?"

Beth looked shocked that her husband could put two-and-two together, and it embarrassed me a little since I actually couldn't. I only figured it out because Greg had spilled his guts out to me before…

"He kissed me." I shrugged nonchalantly.

She didn't have to know the truth; that I was clueless. Fuck, even Tim and Two-Bit Mathews knew which made me an even bigger moron. That knowledge didn't need to be shared.

"He did?"

Oddly enough my wife didn't look upset or even offended by the fact that a colleague—a friend of hers had made a pass at me. A male one at that!

I nodded.

"How was it?" She waggled her eyebrows teasingly.

I shrugged. "S'okay, I guess. Nice 'n soft, strong lips, but I wasn't a fan of the stubble."

Beth gawked at me for about two seconds before rolling her eyes and letting her face break out into a ginormous smile.

"I love you!" She all but gushed as she wrapped her arms around my waist and kissed my jaw. "I love you so much, Darry."

"Why, 'cause I got kissed by a man?" I snorted.

"No. I love you because you didn't flip out over it. Greg's an angel, and he's had a shitty life. You taking him in and making him part of your family means everything to him. I'm so glad he told you." Beth shook her head in relief before she let go of me and walked out of the room.

I looked down at Ponyboy before I quickly followed her into the kitchen.

"You mean, you're okay that the good doctor kissed me and professed his undying love for me?"

Okay, so I was over-exaggerating the facts a little, and Beth called my bluff.

"Oh, please," she rolled her eyes before she grabbed a plate from the cupboard and placed it on the table. "Undying love? Good grief, Curtis—layin' it on a little thick, aren't you?"

I laughed at her antics. One second she's telling me she loves me and the next she's so blasé about the whole thing. She gave as good as she could take, and I did enjoy these moments where we played. I followed her around the kitchen like a lovesick fool because I really was one.

"You ain't jealous…about my secret boyfriend?" I grinned as I stepped up behind her while she was at the ice box pulling out a bowl of potato salad, and I wrapped my arms around her.

"Secret?" She burst out laughing. "Jeeze, Darry. Even Tim Shepard knows about your boyfriend!"

"You knew about that? Wait…" I looked at her incredulously as I stepped away; my palms up as I shrugged in disbelief while Beth burst out laughing at my expense.

"Sit down," she rolled her eyes at me again and placed the salad in the middle of the table before going back to the ice box to grab the chicken.

I sat down in a huff; a little more than embarrassed by the fact that I didn't know about Greg and his feelings as quickly as everyone else around me it seemed. I wondered if I was really that ignorant, or maybe it was just that I didn't care. I knew that Greg had a good heart, and after all he'd done for Ponyboy and Sodapop, the fact that he was gay didn't make a difference in how I felt. It never did and never would. He would always be a part of me.

"Are you pouting?" Beth teased as she started dishing food out onto my plate.

"I thought I was special," I teased back with a shrug, and the two of us broke out into laughter.

"Oh, you're special! Don't worry about that, hon. You're all kinds of special!" Beth giggled and I just rolled my eyes with a dorky smile.

I was so in love, and so glad to be home with my wife.

I could smell the rich aroma of one of the best inventions ever known to man—coffee. That's when I rolled over from having my face shoved into what I thought was still Beth's hair, only to find that it was her pillow instead.

The sun peeked through the curtains of our bedroom and I grinned wickedly as I stretched out like a cat that's hit a sunspot; still feeling Beth's hands and mouth on me from when we made love throughout the night.

Life was back to normal—or its new normal as I let myself acknowledge just how empty I'd been with both of my brothers gone from my life. It'd be a struggle learning to live without Sodapop, but I felt strongly reassured with Ponyboy home, even if Ponyboy wasn't quite himself. I had hope. Having him back home gave me hope.

I continued groaning and stretching in bed, and let out a roar of sorts when I heard Beth and Sandy's voices in the kitchen and could start to smell the first signs of breakfast getting started. My stomach garbled at me and I decided then was a good time to drag my sorry butt out of bed.

I threw on a clean change of clothes and headed down the hallway. I was headed for the bathroom to empty my bladder and wash up, but decided quickly to check on Pony first. Beth caught my eye from the kitchen as I held onto the bedroom door knob.

"The coffee's on. Give us a few for breakfast?" She smiled, and I could've melted into the floor with the memories of what she'd done to me during the night.

"Sounds good, doll." I winked and then turned to open the door.

There are some things in life you're never prepared for; things you're not prepared to face. Beth had successfully managed to distract me from reality, albeit for one night, and it felt good. It felt good, and it felt like things were normal again and that I'd forgotten, but the one thing I wasn't prepared for ended the dream.

It was like he wasn't gone. For a second or maybe two, I could believe it was Soda lying there in that bed with Jack in his arms. I could feel my throat swell, and I couldn't swallow—hell, I couldn't even breathe as I stood there watching. I was drowning in a sea of yearning; knowing but not letting myself feel just how much I wanted my brother back. But it was a fool's wish, and reality hit when Ponyboy jerked in his sleep, and I saw that broken wing of his curl around Jack to bring him even closer. I shut the door.

"You ready, babe? Just a few more minutes and we can figure out what to feed Pony...Darry?"

I heard her voice but couldn't follow her words, and she knew. I could tell that she knew when my eyes dragged up from staring at my feet to meet hers. I didn't want to cause a commotion, and I didn't want her worrying or feeling bad for me so I nodded to let her know I needed to get my bearings. I headed for the door; hoping the fresh air would help me snap back.

… "Did you know Mr. Bergman is a bird fanatic?"

Finally being able to take Ponyboy home from the hospital had been such a relief that I wasn't prepared for just how hard it would be. It was only a matter of time before I'd have to start back at work, and I couldn't even begin to think of how I was going to manage that with as much care as my brother needed.

He'd woken up screaming again despite the fact he barely had a voice to speak with, and I knew who was haunting his dreams but there was nothing I could do. It felt like an eternity before he felt safe enough to fall back to sleep, but only after I tucked him into the middle of my bed along with his brother.

The sun was just starting to peek above the horizon, and I couldn't catch my breath; berating myself for all the mistakes I'd made and for not being or doing enough to save my baby brother from the horror he had to go through. Just when I thought I'd talked myself into a frenzy, along comes Sodapop; planting his ass down on the step beside me.

"Pulls his Caddy into the DX—wants the works. Brakes, oil, tires rotated. Old lady even came along to pick him up so he can leave his car in the garage."

"Hmmm," I respond noncommittal since I'm more interested in feeling sorry for myself than my brother's stupid shop talk.

"Yeah, he's gotta sweet ride. Did y'know there's dead birds in the back?"

That caught my attention, and I looked at Sodapop like he was full of shit. It wouldn't be the first time he told a tall tale and tried to get me to believe it.

"Fuck you, Soda." I frowned.

"No, no! I'm serious! He's got a few stuffed birds in the back seat—from the taxi place, y'know?"

I looked at Soda like he'd lost his marbles. "The taxi place?"

"Yeah!" He smiled as though I had any clue what he was trying to say.

"What the fuck are you talkin' about? What taxi place?"

"Y'know, where they stuff dead animals. There was a duck and I think it was an owl or hawk, but it creeped me out a little so I didn't get a good look." He shrugged.

"The taxidermist?" I could feel the grin pulling at my mouth. "Y'mean to tell me this guy has a buncha birds sent to the taxidermist and he keeps them all in the back seat of his Cadillac?"

"Taxidermist! Yeah, that's it! Boy howdy, talk about a wackadoo, right?"

"Bergman the birdman." I mumbled, forgetting about the fact I'd been stressed out to the max over Ponyboy not a minute before.

Soda chuckled as he shuffled closer to me on the step; his arm draped loosely across my shoulders while he sort of head-butted my arm.

"Birdman. I'm stealing that."

"Steal away," I nodded as I looked back out to the sky.

"He don't know you do this, y'know?" Soda's voice became softer.

"Do what?"

"Watch the sunrise."

"Who? Birdman?" I asked confused.

"No! Pony, dipshit!" Soda rolled his eyes at me.

"I guess not," I shrugged. "He ain't ever up this early to see it. He likes watchin' it go down."

We sat in silence for a moment, but I could feel his eyes on me. Sure enough as I turned my head to look at him, he was beaming at me with a big dopey smile.

"What the hell are you lookin' at?" I felt a little self-conscious.

"You. I'm hungry. Feed me."

I burst out laughing. "Feed yourself, you jerk! What am I, your personal cook?"

"I want crusty flapjacks and maple syrup." He bat his eyelashes at me as though I were one of the many girls he was trying to persuade out of their panties.

"C'mon! You make 'em the best. The edges are always crispy. Mine always turn out…"

"Green?" I offered, and chuckled lightly when Sodapop pretended to be offended.

I wrapped my arm around his neck and pulled him in roughly towards me; kissing his hair and all of its greased-up glory. I pushed him away and wiped my face in mock disgust.

"Cripes almighty, Pepsi! You save any hair grease for later, or did you use it all in one go?"

"Ha ha ha," he rolled his eyes before proceeding to stick his tongue out at me.

I smiled at him—all bad thoughts momentarily forgotten. That was Soda. That was his gift. Some days I felt like I had the world on my shoulders, and when the weight of it started to get too much for me, Soda would lighten the load with just a whisper. I'd never have to say anything. He knew me as though we were the same person.

"I love you," I reached out to squeeze his hand.

"Yeah well, prove it. Feed me!" He grinned mischievously…

"I'm sorry." Sandy's voice startled me from my reverie, and like so many times my brother had done, Sandy planted her ass beside me on the front step from the porch.

"What are you sorry for?" My voice cracked as I willed myself not to break down and cry over my dead brother.

"I forgot how close y'all boys are—were. I used to get so jealous when Soda would back out of a date 'cause he wanted to stay in and be with his brothers. I never got it, I guess. I want Jack to know that kind of love; you can give him the kind of love his daddy can't."

I nodded, still unable to speak—still consumed with the picture of Ponyboy cradling Jack and how badly it made me want Soda back. I could've swore it was Sodapop himself.

"When all of this is over, I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt you or Ponyboy. I never wanted that. I just want what's best."

I didn't know what she meant by that, and maybe I should've asked her, but I was still trying to gather my wits about me as I tried to push the picture of Ponyboy and Jack from my mind, and the pain it seemed to create.

"You're heading back to Jacksonville?"

"I been gone too long, but it was worth it if it got Ponyboy back to you. I kept my promise to him."

"You could stay. You're family, Sandy—you and Jack. You always have a home here."

I didn't want her to leave, but I knew that she would. I could feel there was something she was keeping from me, but I didn't push. I didn't think it was my place.

"Soda said you'd say that. Said you had the biggest heart in Oklahoma." I watched as a lone tear slid down her cheek. "But as long as my mama and daddy are around, there ain't no place for me here. They don't accept Jack, then it's the same as not accepting me."

"We do…accept you." I wanted her to know that despite the past, she was my family.

"You're as sweet as him." She smiled and reached over to cup my face in her hand. "Thank you."

"When are you leaving?" I grabbed her hand from my cheek and squeezed it gently.

"Maybe in a few days. Give you enough time to love up on Jack. He's absolutely in love with you and Ponyboy…just like his daddy is—was."

"You'll stay in touch? Addresses, phone numbers, the whole bit Sandy. I ain't kidding around. I meant what I said. You're my family."

She nodded as a look covered her face, almost like she was in pain, and she rested her head on my shoulder like Sodapop had done so many times before. Nothing else was said as we sat out on the front porch, just peaceful silence as I held her hand in mine.