CHAPTER 32

"You've been quiet tonight, baby. Tough day?" asked Matt. We were sitting at the dining room table having dinner that he had made just for the two of us. He had fed Finn earlier, bathed him and gotten him ready for bed so we could have some adult time together.

"You could say that," I replied, taking a drink from my glass of ice water.

"You must be happy with what Dr. McAdams told you today," he said. I felt a sudden rush of adrenaline coursing through me, hearing the words 'you're pregnant, Maddy' ringing in my head. "She gave us the green light to have another baby."

"Yeah, I am happy about that," I said, not looking at him. I was beginning to worry that my generic replies were going to make him suspicious.

"Will you have to have hormone shots this time?"

"She didn't mention it, but she said my labs looked fine. Her only concern was the placenta previa I had with Finn. She wants to keep a close eye on that...if I get pregnant," I hastily added.

"Are you sure you don't want any wine? Got a full bottle right here," he said, gripping the neck of the Pinot Noir he had put on the table.

"Claire thought it best to give up alcohol again if we're going to try to get pregnant. You know...clean slate," I said, knowing full well that I wasn't able to tell him that I couldn't drink because I was already pregnant.

"Aren't you hungry either?" he asked. I looked down at my plate full of steak and grilled asparagus, which was my favorite meal. I had managed to eat half of it.

"It's delicious, Matt. I'm just having a little trouble unwinding. Finn weaning himself has knocked me off kilter, I think," I said, sliding my hand across the table and grabbing his. He lifted it up and kissed the back of it.

"With any luck, you'll have another little baby to nurse soon enough," he said. We finished our dinner in relative silence. To my surprise, I cleaned my plate.

"I guess I was hungrier than I thought," I said, as Matt cleared the table. He kissed the top of my head as he took the empty plate from in front of me.

"Why don't you head into the living room and put your feet up. I'll bring you something sweet and a cup of tea."

"Can you make it herbal tea? I'll never get to sleep otherwise."

"Sure thing," he said. I got up from the dining room table and walked into the living room, sitting on one end of the sofa and promptly plunked my feet on the coffee table. I leaned back, lifting my arms over my head and languidly stretched my tense and achy body. A glass of wine would have done the trick, but that wasn't going to happen now for the next eight months. I laid my hands across my stomach, still not fully accepting what was happening inside me.

"Dear God, please...by some miracle, let this be Matt's baby," I whispered as a few tears rolled down my face. I would have to live my life as if it were Matt's child, no matter what the truth was. It was a truth I would never be able to substantiate. Letting Jace know about this was out of the question. No matter what choice I made in this situation, the guilt I felt would consume me. Lying to my husband wasn't something I would ever be proud of, even if I was trying to keep from hurting him. Denying Jace to be a father when he so desperately wanted it was going to kill me. Either way I turned, someone was going to be hurt.

"Here you go, baby." The sound of Matt's voice startled me out of my sinking mood. He handed me a cup of tea and set a plate of cookies on the coffee table.

"I see you made your famous plate of Double Stuf Oreos for dessert," I said, taking a sip of tea.

"I'm nothing if not consistent. Besides, they're your favorite," he said, sitting down beside me. I took a few sips of tea and took two cookies from the plate. I shoveled both of them in my mouth in record time, then washed them down with the rest of the tea left in the mug.

"Thank you for cooking and cleaning up tonight. Everything tasted really good," I said, putting my feet up on the cushion and snuggling in close to him. He turned his head and landed a soft kiss on my mouth.

"You taste good, too," he said, caressing the side of my face with his fingers. Looking into his blue-green eyes filled me with a sense of deep love and connection that I hadn't felt since I'd come back home. I felt my body respond to his touch, just like it had a million times before. I took comfort in his presence next to me. He felt warm and strong and secure and his familiar scent calmed my fears, at least temporarily. I loved him so much, in spite of what he did. I just hoped he could love me as much in spite of what I had done.

"I love you, Matt," I said softly as a few tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I love you too, baby," he replied.

We watched a few episodes of "The Office" and the eleven o'clock news before heading upstairs to get ready for bed. Matt held my hand as I walked up the stairs behind him. He was wearing a CFD t-shirt and snug fitting pair of jeans. I admired his muscular back and the way his ass looked as he took each step. We peeked in on Finn, who was sound asleep. While I covered him with a light blanket, Matt closed down the window near his crib as a few rumbles of thunder sounded in the distance. We closed the door behind us and stood in the hallway in front of Finn's room.

"We make beautiful babies," said Matt, pulling me into an embrace. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held onto him tight.

"We do," I said, nodding my head. He took my hand again and led me into our bedroom. I crossed into our bathroom while Matt busied himself with shutting our windows. The storm was quickly approaching and the thunder was getting louder. I took off my clothes and tossed them in the hamper, then brushed my teeth and ran a comb through my hair. When I emerged from the bathroom, Matt was standing near the nightstand on his side of the bed. He had taken off his t-shirt and was putting his phone to charge. Instead of going directly into my closet to put on my nightie, I took off my bra and discarded it on the floor. I quietly walked up behind him and placed a few light kisses on his back as my hands snaked up the front of him.

"Well, hello there," said Matt, suddenly standing at attention as one hand brushed across his nipples and the other hand plunged down into his unbuttoned jeans. He turned around and gathered me up in his arms, pulling me in for a deep, wet kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck, deepening our connection at the mouth and brushing my breasts against his chest.

"Make love to me, Matt," I said, when he pulled his mouth away from mine.

"Are you sure, baby?" he said. His face held a tentative gaze as I led him over to the chair in the corner of the room.. I sat down on the cushion, positioning him in front of me. I pushed his jeans down past his hips, taking his semi-erect penis in my hands as he stepped out of them.

"You tell me. Am I ready?" I said before taking his length in my mouth. He let out a muffled gasp as my lips closed around him. I gripped the base of him firmly as I slid my mouth slowly up and down his shaft. He brushed my hair aside and gazed down at me pleasuring him.

"Fuck, yes," he growled. I sucked and licked every conceivable inch of him for several minutes when I felt his body suddenly tense up. He put his hands on my head, pulling me off of him, then guided me to a standing position. He kissed me hard and deep, then lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around him as he carried me to the bed and laid me across it. He pulled my panties down and tossed them over his shoulder. He flashed a devilish smirk before he got down on his knees and pushed my thighs apart, then ducked his head between my legs. He licked at me like a ravenous wildebeest who hadn't eaten in days. The sensation of his warm, wet tongue on my sex made me writhe underneath him. I held onto his head as the tip of his tongue made wet, slippery circles around my swollen bud. My body was at the brink of an explosive orgasm and begging for release when he buried himself inside me. He thrust slowly at first, but quickened his pace as my body responded to him.

"So wet," he murmured as he took my arms and held them down on the bed beside me. I fought hard against the images that were coming into my head, the same images that had stopped us from making love last night. "You can do this, Maddy...you have to…" said my inner voice. I closed my eyes tightly, pulling my arms free from his grip and digging my nails into his back. My face was buried against his shoulder when an image of Jace unexpectedly appeared in my head...his long dark hair cascading over his muscular shoulders, his hairy, chiseled chest, and the tattoo of my name above his left nipple..

"Oh, God...please! " I screamed as a powerful orgasm began to shake my body. I felt my sex become more wet and swollen as I shuddered and spasmed around him harder than I could ever remember. His body tightened and within seconds, he flooded me with his own orgasm, thrusting hard and deep until he had no more to give me. He collapsed on top of me, his breathing was heavy and ragged. I was immediately filled with a huge sense of guilt and began to sob uncontrollably. The shame I felt at allowing an image of Jace to bring me to orgasm overwhelmed me. Matt pushed himself up off of me and cradled my face in his hands, placing soft kisses on my mouth as he spoke.

"That was incredible, baby. I can't remember the last time either of us came that hard," he said, whispering into my mouth.

"Oh, Matt...Matt, I…" I could barely speak for the sobs that were wracking my body. Matt wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.

"Shhhhhh, it's okay, Maddy. I understand the emotions. I feel them too," he said, kissing the top of my head. I buried my face in the side of his neck and held onto his shoulders, crying my eyes out and praying to God that I could hold onto my sanity long enough to get through the next eight months.

"I love you so much, Matthew. Never doubt that for a second, no matter what happens," I said, my voice coming in abbreviated bursts as I tried to catch my breath and stop crying.

"I don't doubt that, Maddy...I never really have. I love you with everything I am and everything I will ever be. I always will. Never doubt that in spite of the mistakes I've made," he said, cupping me under the chin and tilting my face up to his. Looking into his eyes immediately calmed me down and brought me back to center. I reached up and brushed my thumb across his lips, admiring his beautiful face as if I were seeing it for the first time. I loved him. He was my husband. He was my present and my future. Jace was my past and that's where he would have to stay if Matt and I were ever going to make it.

"How many times would you say that I've kissed this mouth?"

"The same number of times that I've kissed yours...tens of thousands of times," I replied.

"I could kiss you a million times and it wouldn't be enough," he said. He held my face and placed a kiss on my lips, softly at first then deeper and more intense. He gathered me up in his arms, holding me gently. As I began to drift off in my husband's arms, it became clear to me what I needed to do. I just didn't know if I could do it without losing my mind.

TO BE CONTINUED...LOOK FOR MY NEW STORY...COMING SOON!