A/N: The brothers continue their talk and Sam finds out more about the new Dean. Thanks for coming along on this journey. I do like reviews. NC

Fan Fiction acting up again, can't see my reviews, but when it is fixed I will respond to them. Thanks

Chapter 30

Dean had gotten up and grabbed some waters for them while Sam went to the bathroom figuring it would be better not to be too wired by the caffeine since they were trying to talk. He settled back into the chair and opened his water to sip it while he waited for Sam to come back. They still had a lot to discuss and they had to decide where to go from here.

"Thanks," Sam offered dropping onto the couch and grabbing his water. He took a couple of sips before asking another question to get Dean talking again.

"What happened with your first change? I suspect it must have been hard."

"Intense, extremely painful, I was scared shitless, and I didn't know really what to expect. I mean, we both know about werewolves from what we've read in Bobby's books and Dad's journal and our own experiences with them, but that was a whole other ballgame. I thought I was dying or at least I wished I could. I had fixed the basement up to chain myself down there because I didn't want to hurt anyone. After I changed, I don't remember much, but the next morning the place was a wreck, you should have seen the down feather lining from the sleeping bag I ripped apart laying everywhere. It looked like an Armageddon pillow fight happened down there," he laughed seeing it in his mind.

"Guess you had fun cleaning it up?" Sam laughed with him. He could feel them relaxing back into their usual routine and could feel the bond again and was happy about it.

"Yeah, I cussed the whole time," he snorted. "The next night was worse, not with the pain, but I broke loose and was roaming the woods. I woke up a few miles from the cabin and there was blood on my hands, clothes and face. I didn't know what I did, and it about killed me. But then, I found hide and animal hair on the chain and figured I had killed some kind of wild animal. Mason checked the…"

"Wait!" Sam stopped him, a look of surprise on his face. "Did you say Mason?"

"Yeah why?"

"I met a Mason when I was trying to track you down. He told me you were heading for Salmon, Idaho to check a possible case. I thought there was something peculiar about him, but guessed I was more worried in finding you. It was at a gated community in Montana."

"He's the leader of the clan, Sammy. The one I now belong to, it seems. He's the one that carried me out of the woods when I was attacked by the rogue werewolf."

"Hold it, back up here," Sam argued holding his hands up in confusion. "You belong to a clan? What does that even mean?" he asked his voice getting higher and louder.

"Take it easy bro, let me finish and then if you have questions you can ask them," Dean insisted.

"Alright," Sam replied pulling his emotions in and waiting for Dean to continue.

"As I was saying, Mason reassured me he would check the news and internet but didn't find any missing persons or unusual deaths in the area, so I know at least I didn't hurt anyone. I reinforced everything downstairs before the last night and called Mason, not knowing who he was and asked if I could sedate myself. He gave me some advice and it worked well. The next day I left the cabin and met with him in Montana and he took me to the Community. Now, about werewolves and clan stuff - It's different with 'mongrels', but Mason's a pureblood and I was bit by a pureblood."

"So, what's the difference?"

"A pureblood is born a werewolf, not bitten. He told me his ancestors founded that place a long time ago and they have kept it secret from the world. All the people there are werewolves and none of them kill people. They have farms and raise their own meat to eat. Since I was bitten by one of their clan, it automatically makes me a member of the clan and a pureblood too. Still a little unclear on how that works, but I went with it."

"But you're not going to, like give up hunting, and go live there are you?" Sam asked cautiously. He could not see his brother tied down to one place like that and was not sure he would be welcome there.

"No Sammy, don't worry, hunting is still in my blood and I don't plan on stopping any time soon. Mason was helping me to connect to the beast within me so I can learn control over my transformations. Being a pureblood allows me to change at any time, not just on the full moon cycle. That is, when I can master my inner beast."

"You keep talking about the beast inside you," Sam interrupted again and paused for a moment as his mind processed all that he knew. "What if you being a hunter has something to do with it? I mean you are a predator in a way and the werewolf part is resonating with that aspect of your normal self. It just reinforces and builds off it, making it stronger. That's always been a part of you, so maybe it's not really a beast, but an enhanced version of what was inside you all along."

Dean leaned back in the chair and frowned as he mulled over what Sam had said. Maybe that was why he felt an inner connection with the beast. It had always been a part of him and with this new knowledge made him see things clearer. This might be the turning point that he needed to gain the control he needed.

"I knew I kept you around for a reason," Dean smirked.

"So that is where you were those couple of weeks that you disappeared?"

"Yes, I stayed with Mason at his home and I worked in the garage fixing vehicles and farm equipment half a day and trained the other half. Everyone has a job and contributes to the Community. They don't allow any freeloaders to live there. If you drove through it, you would think it was any other small town we've visited over the years. But it was much cleaner and kept up. There were no slums or homeless people or crime actually."

"What type of training did you do?"

"One on one with a trainer and I tried a sensory deprivation tank, but that didn't go too well, so Mason had me doing deep meditation, sort of going into a trance. I've been able to find the beast and have been making some progress. He told me it will take time and not to get discouraged. You would like it there, it's right down your alley. They were organized, efficient, structured, and coordinated, kind of like you bro. Mason told me I could stay there, if I wanted, but you know me, I don't like being in one place for too long."

"It does sound nice. So, tonight is the last time for this month. What are our plans afterwards? You know there's one other person you need to talk to," Sam told him.

"Who?" Dean asked as it came to him when Sam said the name.

"Bobby, of course" Sam said. "He's been as worried as me about you and you can't keep something like this from him."

"Yeah, you're right," Dean sighed as he thought about Bobby. "Guess we'll be heading for Sioux Falls after tonight."

"I'll call him and let him know we're coming home."

"Okay Sammy, you do that. But I've got a question for you."

"Sure, what Dean?"

"The last hunt I was on in Salmon was a monster I've never heard about before. It was a Buspara. It looked human but its fingers would turn into suction cups and it would suck the memories from its victims, leaving them in a comatose state."

"Yeah, I read about them in the newspaper articles. Two of the patients have died and they weren't holding any hope out for the others."

"Damn!" Dean spat. "I was hoping when I killed it, they might come out of it, but guess that's not the case."

"Yeah, well, someone told me a long time ago that we can't save everyone, no matter how hard we try. What's your question?" Sam asked getting him back on track.

"Before I could kill it, it took some of my memories from me. I know Dad's dead but what happened to him? What killed him?" Dean asked giving Sam a serious look.

Sam drew in a sharp breath when he realized what Dean was asking. How was he going to tell him that their father gave his life to save him when they were looking for the yellowed eyed demon.

Dean saw the frightened look on Sam's face and knew there was something he was not saying. He saw Sam would not look him in the eyes and spoke again.

"Sammy, talk to me. Look bro, it's already happened, and nothing can change it," Dean said. "He died because of me, didn't he?"

"He saved your life," Sam said softly, looking at his clenched hands that were laying on his legs. "You were dying, and he did the only thing he could, he made a deal."

Dean frowned as he let what Sam was saying sink in. He had already grieved for their father, but it still hurt to hear it again. He thought about it for a moment before asking his next question.

"Something horrible happened to me back then didn't it? I have some fragmented memories of torture, and being rescued by someone, but I don't remember the details. Can you fill them in?"

"What else don't you remember?" Sam asked cautiously.

"There's a few things here and there, but I don't think anything major is missing. I was able to kill the Buspara before it sucked out too much."

Sam looked him in the eyes as he started to talk, "You saved my life by making a deal that sent you to Hell. You were there for four months by our time, but it was forty years in Hell time. Seems time passes differently down there than on earth. You were tortured endlessly and were rescued by angels."

"Are you serious?" Dean asked not believing his words.

"I am. But to be honest, that's a good thing. Those memories being gone is a burden you don't have to carry anymore. You had nightmares for months and the guilt and condemnation you felt almost destroyed you Dean. I suggest you don't dwell on it and let it go bro. Just let it go," Sam begged desperately.

Dean felt the walls closing in on him and jumped up to head outside to the front porch. He stopped for a moment before stepping off the porch and disappearing into the forest as Sam came out of the cabin behind him.

"Dean!" Sam called but did not get a response. He decided not to go after him, thinking he needed the space and knew he would be back when he had calmed down. With a heavy heart, Sam turned and went back inside to wait on his return. He needed to call Bobby and let him know he had found Dean and they would be heading his way in a day or two. He would not tell him anything about Dean, because that was not his place, it was Dean's story to tell.