Steven spent most of the ride with his eyes shut.
He still couldn't shake the unnerved feeling that engulfed him every time he cracked his eyes open to look at the road, couldn't shake the memories that flickered through his head as he watched everything else blur past through the window. So he kept his eyes closed and ignored the pounding of his heart, and the adrenaline that was starting to pump through his veins. Greg eventually turned on the radio, per Jasper's request (surprisingly, actually), and Steven finally allowed himself to relax, somewhat, as the rumbling of the engine was replaced with the familiar music. And he tried not to think of the last time he and his father had been in the van, listening to music - instead, he pinned his focus solely to the lyrics and the tune, and zoned out again. It wasn't an easy thing to do, mind you, but he managed; he didn't want to think about that right then, and he wasn't going to think about that right then. Things were looking up. He and his father had worked out most of their issues. At the very least, they were working them out.
Nothing too important happened on the drive. His father stopped briefly at a gas station to fill the van up again, and they continued on. Toward the end, Steven finally opened his eyes. He wanted to see how close they were to Beach City - that's where he assumed the new house was, anyway. And he was right, he recognized this part of the city; he could see Little Homeworld in the distance, too, staring at the towering buildings as they turned onto the familiar road and kept driving. Steven just stared, watching rows of houses go by, watching other cars. And he continued to watch until the van slowed down and Greg was suddenly turning the wheel, pulling into the driveway to a small, simple, modern-looking normal house on the block. Like Greg had promised, there weren't any stairs leading up to it, and it looked short enough to be a one-story house itself. There were boxes out front, on either side of the path leading up to it. The house itself was nice; a light grey color, with a somewhat darker roof. The door was cracked open slightly, a bit of light streaming out from the inside, lighting up the porch slightly.
He stared at the house as Greg parked the van just outside the garage. "Here we-" His father paused, and Steven couldn't help but jump slightly when the van rocked a little, glancing back to see that Jasper had practically thrown the back doors open and was climbing out as fast as she could. He arched an eyebrow, and Greg huffed out a laugh as he leaned over to unbuckle himself, shaking his head. "Here we are," he continued, glancing over at Steven with a smile. "Whattya think, Schtu-ball? You like it? I know it's not much, but I figured we didn't need a big-"
"It's great, Dad," Steven interrupted, rooting his gaze back to the house as he unbuckled. Greg looked a little relieved, and definitely excited; Steven, himself, felt a rush of excitement pulse through him as he turned to open the door. Aster met him, of course, the moment he did, and Steven was happy to allow his brother to help him out of the van. His brother didn't say anything, wrapping an arm around his shoulders once Steven was out, and turning to shut the door behind the hybrid. Steven simply let his gaze roam, lifting a hand to wave at Connie when Lion bounded up to them, skidding to a stop and ducking down to let the girl off his back.
"Nice place," Connie breathed as she climbed down, grinning. "Need help moving stuff?"
Greg shot Steven a knowing glance and a grin, and the hybrid rolled his eyes in response. "I mean, if you want to, kiddo. We've only got a couple of boxes left to move inside, but-" He didn't need to finish. Connie was already busying herself with picking up the boxes beside the pavement, and, after a moment, even Aster ended up pulling away from Steven - reluctantly - to walk over and help the girl. And as soon as his brother left his side, Lion moved forward instead, pressing up against the hybrid lightly; Steven reached out to rub his shoulder as he made his way around the van, with the giant pink beast pressing against him for support every step of the way. Every so often, Aster would glance back as he piled boxes up to carry, holding them easily. Greg rushed after them after a moment, opening the door for Connie and directing her inside.
Steven made his way through the grass, ignoring the pavement for now. He didn't have any shoes, and, honestly, he liked the feeling of the grass beneath his feet anyway. The hybrid leaned against Lion, taking his time exploring the yard for the most part before finally walking after the others. There was a small step leading up to the inside of the house, but Steven didn't have too much trouble stepping up onto it to get inside. The second he was through the door, though, he froze. Honestly, it startled him, somewhat; the scent was the first thing that hit. That 'new house' scent, a scent he wasn't used to. It had only really hit him once in his life - the day he'd moved in with the gems. He hadn't thought much of it. The fresh wood, the new paint, the boxes and air fresheners - it all came crashing back to him all at once, a rush of memories he wasn't sure how to handle. Lion pressed closer to him, allowing the hybrid to sink most of his weight against the pink beast, since he was finding it hard, then, to keep himself upright.
Thankfully, even the scent didn't last long. He eventually adjusted, of course, and it faded, somewhat, becoming a bit more… tolerable, in a sense. But the memory continued to linger regardless, so the hybrid eventually shifted his focus and forced himself to look around, struggling to think of anything else. There were some boxes around, but from where he stood he could see a couch and a chair, a coffee table and an admittedly large flat-screen TV on the floor against one of the walls, not plugged in. His father hadn't finished moving things around, apparently, in the living room. So the hybrid pressed on, peering into the kitchen after a moment. There was a microwave plugged in, and a stack of paper plates and a box of plastic silverware on the counter. A table with chairs propped up on top of it - Greg was moving those with Aster's help so that Connie could put one of the boxes on top of the table instead.
Greg looked up as he finished putting the chairs down, and made his way to Steven's side when he saw the hybrid; Steven offered him a faint smile before tilting his head to glance past him, watching Connie lift the box onto the table. "Hey, Schtu-ball." His father reached out to ruffle his hair, and Steven just sighed, staying still to let him for the most part before finally ducking away. "Just finishing up a few things in here, got a few dishes Vidalia gave me to unpack. But…" His father grinned, and Steven flicked his gaze back up, blinking. "You wanna see your room?"
Steven cracked a smile despite himself, glancing over at Aster as his twin approached them, somewhat cautiously with a few wary glances toward Greg. "Yeah, sure."
His father led him down the hall, past a few other rooms. He did point out the bathroom, which Steven took note of silently as he followed with Aster on one side of him and Lion on the other. When they reached the room, Greg paused in the doorway and reached in to flick on a light, stepping inside and taking a few steps to the side to let Steven in, and the hybrid stepped in carefully along with his brother and the pink beast that was still supporting his weight. "Like I said, I haven't done too much. A few little decorations here and there, but nothing too big. And I did kinda- uh- I mean it was kind of last minute, but I did something with your bed…" His father gestured around the room, and Steven flicked his gaze around silently, just taking it all in.
His dresser was there, his TV, his video game systems. His posters and pictures were hanging up on the walls - except the one with Garnet, he noted, but he tore his attention away from that quickly enough to continue looking around. Most of his pictures were there, actually, just not the ones that had the gems in them. His survey stopped where Greg had gestured to, focusing on the bed - well, beds. Two. It was a bunk bed. The bottom bed was made neatly, with a star-print comforter and pillows to match, with Steven's star pillow on top. The top one was made up with a pink floral print comforter set and white pillows. Steven stared - and so did Aster - while Greg cleared his throat and spoke up again somewhat hesitantly. "I know gems don't really need to sleep and the same probably goes for you, but I figured, you know, you'd like having your own kinda place here anyway," he told Aster. "And Steven told me how you liked flowers and stuff."
Aster seemed speechless for a few seconds; when Steven looked over, his pupils were spinning, once again reminiscent of the buffering icon on TubeTube. "It's… fine," his brother finally spoke, almost sounding perplexed. His gaze flicked toward Greg, briefly lacking the hostile, distant expression he usually wore when he looked toward the man. "Thank you."
"Pretty cool, Dad," Steven commented, unable to bite back a grin on time. Well, that was one way, he supposed, to gain a little bit of Aster's favor. The hybrid eventually pulled himself away from Lion to head over to his dresser, completely intent on sifting through it for some clothes. He may love the facility, but to be honest, he'd gotten pretty damn sick of just wearing the same outfit all day. He pulled the drawers open while Aster ventured inside to get a better look around, silently shifting through his wardrobe. There were the black and yellow star shirts he often wore, a few of his old blue ones - he wondered if they'd still fit him, honestly, but he skimmed over them for the time being. After a moment, he just chose one of his usual black ones and a pair of jean shorts, grabbing a pair of flip-flops from beside the dresser and turning to leave the room.
"Connie said she's staying for lunch," Greg told him, and Steven paused, glancing over and arching an eyebrow silently. "Any preferences? Anything specific you wanna eat?" And, at this, the hybrid's eyes widened slightly. Food. Good food. He could have anything he wanted now, beyond just a salad. And he liked salad, sure, but he'd definitely gotten sick of just eating that. And, oh, now, the possibilities of what he could have. Even meat sounded good to him, but - no, no, he wasn't going to do that. He could still stick to his vegetarian diet and find something other than a salad to enjoy. Like vegetable lasagna, or maybe even some cheese pizza…
That sounded good. "Pizza. Cheese pizza." His stomach ached at the thought. Greg grinned, seeming to pick up on the hybrid's excitement, and immediately turned to head down the hall to where the kitchen was. Steven followed after a moment, but he made a detour for the bathroom instead so that he could change into the clothes that he'd picked out. He wasn't sure what he was gonna do with the clothes the facility provided him with, but he figured he could just fold them away and stuff them into a drawer for now or something. He didn't have a reason to continue wearing them, but he didn't have a reason to get rid of them yet either. He got dressed quickly, avoiding looking in the mirror that was hanging over the sink. The bathroom was smaller than the one at the beach house - but, big enough to fit a sink, a toilet, a bathtub and a closet.
He looked down at himself when he finished up, eventually turning to look in the full-body mirror hanging on the closet door as he slipped into the flip-flops. He looked… like himself again. The tired, angry boy he'd seen the last time he forced himself to look in the mirror was gone, but he still didn't quite see the overly optimistic teenager he used to be either. He just saw… Steven. The real Steven that he was still getting to know, realizing for the first time that he didn't really know who he was. He knew he wasn't his mother, but beyond that, he didn't know who he was. Beyond the space therapist, the hero, the savior of the galaxy. He didn't know Steven Universe.
He grimaced at the boy in the mirror for a moment, wondering if he'd always feel that kind of disconnection from his reflection, but he turned away and left the room after a moment. He didn't want to think about that too much. He didn't want to think about that at all right then. Maybe he was feeling a little better, but how long would that last? How long until he drove himself crazy, sent himself spiraling again into something that he couldn't come back from? That scared him more than anything. He was starting to feel a little better, and he didn't want to give that up too soon. Sure, he didn't want to pretend he was fantastic, and completely one-hundred percent better, but for the time being… for the time being he wanted to feel like he could be. For the time being, he wanted to go back to being somewhat positive, to thinking positive again.
He made his way back to the kitchen after a while, glancing around. Aster and Lion were nowhere to be seen, but Jasper was there - with Lapis, to his surprise, and she was currently helping her put some of the dishes away while Connie cleared the table. Odd, he hadn't even known Lapis was there - but, then again, considering that the door had been open when they'd arrived, he also wasn't as surprised as he should have been. He paused in the doorway, sinking sideways against the doorframe and offering a small smile when Lapis glanced over at him.
"Steven!" The blue gem spun around, abandoning Jasper in favor of heading over to him. The hybrid just grinned, pushing himself away from the doorframe. "Wow, look at you, settling in already! And up on your feet. That's good to see," Lapis added proudly, wrapping her arms around him briefly in a hug, and he squeezed her back slightly in response before pulling away.
"Yeah. Now you don't have to carry me around in the wheelchair," the hybrid joked, cracking a grin. He scanned the room as Lapis huffed out a laugh, tilting his head slightly. "Where's Dad?"
"Uh, I think Peridot called him," Connie commented, clearing the last box off the table as Jasper emptied out the rest of the dishes into the cabinet. "He's just outside- you need something?" Steven shook his head slightly in response, venturing a little further into the kitchen, while Lapis headed back over to where Jasper was, pushing her aside with her shoulder to survey the dishes that she had put away, as if to ensure that none of them were broken. Steven found himself rolling his eyes despite himself, sharing a somewhat amused glance with Connie, too. "You know, I'm not surprised they're at each other's throats," she mumbled to him as she paused to fold one of the boxes. "But nobody's really forcing them to be around each other."
Steven couldn't help but laugh at that, pressing his fist against his mouth and shaking his head. "Maybe they just like torturing themselves. Or each other," he added, grinning. "Jasper is a masochist if I ever saw one. Sadist, too. And as for Lapis… well, I'm still kinda on the fence."
"I heard that," Jasper growled, turning briefly to look behind her at the two. Lapis was still checking over the plates, but Steven could hear her snickering under her breath anyway; he grinned, looking up to meet Jasper's gaze smugly, but he paused when Connie seemed to tense beside him. She still wasn't used to this - to having Jasper there, acting… somewhat civilized. As civilized as Jasper could act, anyway. The hybrid couldn't help but falter, if only for a few seconds, remembering what Connie had said about Jasper before - he knew she wasn't entirely right, of course, he knew fighting was all Jasper knew. His talk with the orange gem had only confirmed that. But Jasper was going to Little Homeschool now, learning other things, growing as a person just like he'd always known she would - without his help, he might add. She was doing it because of what had happened… in the forest. He wasn't sure whether it was a blessing or not. He wasn't even sure if the guilt was entirely justified. He wasn't sure if she would be trying to change now if it hadn't been for what happened. But he was guilty.
The hybrid clenched his teeth and swallowed, heaving out a sigh and shaking his head at himself as he looked back up at Jasper, who had paused to stare at him, somewhat curiously. "Well, you can't exactly say I'm wrong, can you? I mean, you do know what a masochist is?" Steven checked, and Jasper rolled her eyes at him. "Hey, I'm just saying. I'm just saying…"
"Hey, sadist, maybe," Jasper agreed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Masochist? Eh…" She paused, turning her head again to look back at Lapis. "Lazuli is definitely a sadist…"
"Seriously?" Lapis spun around to face her at that, indignant. Steven managed a faint smirk despite himself, shaking his head. Honestly, at this point, he could almost say that he, himself, was a masochist. At least on some level. But he wasn't going to say that aloud, not here, not in front of Connie and Lapis. Maybe just to Jasper, he wouldn't care - but he didn't want to make Connie uncomfortable, and things already seemed to be heading in that direction anyway.
"Steven, tell Lazuli she's a sadist," Jasper demanded, and Steven glanced up.
"Actually, I think she more or less falls into the masochist category."
Lapis turned and opened her mouth, once again indignant, ready to refute that statement - but, Greg's voice interrupted the conversation before anybody had a chance to speak up again, and, honestly, it was enough to make Steven jump a little. "Okay, hold on, I- why- why are we talking about masochism?" His father huffed out a bewildered laugh as he stepped into the room, and Steven turned his head slightly to crack a grin at his father, somewhat amused. He knew Greg was still getting used to everything - mostly the hybrid's newfound sense of humor. His time in the facility had definitely done him good, but his time around influences like Parker and Kevin had certainly flipped a different kind of switch in the hybrid. And… honestly, he kinda liked it.
"That's what I'm wondering," Connie piped up from beside Steven, but she shot the hybrid a grin when he turned to glance over at her, and the teenager relaxed slightly, returning the smile.
"We were just debating on whether Lazuli is a sadist or a masochist." Jasper shrugged. Greg paused, shooting Steven a confused glance as he paused to lean against the doorframe. "I still firmly believe she's a sadist, but, you know what? She's probably both. Wouldn't be surprised."
"Ohh…" Lapis ground her teeth together, glaring at the orange gem. "You- … you…"
At first, Steven didn't notice the way her eyes trailed past Jasper to the doorway, the way she froze and stiffened, the way her pupils shrunk. But then it became nearly impossible not to notice; he couldn't take his eyes off of her for a good few seconds, watching the furious expression on her face immediately shift into confusion, then realization, then surprise, then alarm. And, finally, he managed to step back a little and turn, glancing behind him again to see that Greg had stepped aside, and Aster had ventured into the room; his brother had frozen in the doorway with Lion standing over his shoulder, pupils barely pinpricks as he stared ahead. Greg had tensed quite a bit, himself, glancing between them in alarm - Connie froze not too long after she, herself, had turned to see what had caused such a startled reaction from the gem.
Looking back at Lapis, Steven realized, nobody could miss the recognition in her gaze. For a moment, he felt almost cold, trying to figure out how she might have seen Aster before - it couldn't possibly be that she had seen more than he thought, right? Back in White's head? She hadn't gotten there until after they'd fused again, and surely she would have said something - but, after a moment, he wondered if maybe it was because Aster still somewhat resembled him. Not much had changed, except Aster was pink and he had a much different hairstyle - but even then, that level of shock, he expected from Connie. She'd seen him before. But Lapis… Lapis…
He furrowed his eyebrows and turned to look back at Aster, who finally ripped his eyes away from Lapis to offer him an almost apologetic glance the moment he turned, catching his gaze. But he didn't speak; so, after a few seconds, Steven whirled his head back around to look at Lapis, watching her expression shift as she struggled to recompose herself. "Lapis?"
Lapis froze, seeming to recoil, almost, as she finally flicked her gaze down to Steven instead. "Ah- oh- …" The blue gem stared, and Steven furrowed his eyebrows slightly as he gazed back. "It's just- I'm sorry, Steven, when you told me about your brother I wasn't really expecting-" She huffed out a tense laugh, but Steven just stared at her. Another reason Lapis shouldn't have seemed so… shocked - because he had told her about Aster, hadn't he? He had brought him up. More than once. To her, and the other gems. And even Bismuth had seemed startled when she saw him… the hybrid frowned, twisting his mouth sharply and looking away. Something was wrong here, and for the life of him, he couldn't put his finger on it - but he definitely intended to ask questions. "But, uh- actually, you know what? I should be heading back to Little Homeworld," Lapis said quickly, and he looked up in time to see her wings spread out.
"Right," Greg agreed before Steven could open his mouth, words rushed and tone strained. Steven turned his head to look back at his father, then back at Lapis, bewildered. "See you. And thanks for the help, Lapis," his father added, and Lapis only offered a forced-looking smile.
"Lapis," Steven repeated, and Lapis's gaze flicked back to him. "What-"
"I'm sorry, Steven," the blue gem insisted again, cutting him off. "I really have to go." She stepped forward to hug him, though, and Steven saw her eyes narrow faintly before she had pulled him into her arms; he stood still for a second, eventually lifting his arms to hug her back reluctantly after a moment, and she held him there for a while before she finally pulled away. "Can't be late for my nighttime classes again, right? Peridot and Bismuth would kill me," she joked, and Steven just forced a smile at her. He wasn't going to get any answers from her; Lapis didn't usually keep things from him, so to see her hesitating now raised a lot of red flags.
He watched her go, and watched as Aster slipped out of the room again before the blue gem could reach the doorway, heading back down the hall to where their room was. After a moment, Steven set his jaw and turned to follow. He might not get answers from Lapis, but he had expected more from Aster; he was the one person Steven had started to trust to be open with him, and for this to be happening now, it was honestly a sickening experience. To realize even the twin brother he shared a gem with had secrets, secrets he couldn't begin to comprehend. Aster seemed to be expecting him, because he was sitting on the bottom bunk when Steven entered the room, with Lion curled up on the floor beside him with his head resting on the bed.
"What's going on?" The hybrid demanded as soon as he walked in, not bothering to shut the door. Aster just sighed, closing his eyes. "I mean, first with you and Dad, and Connie, and now Lapis- I just wanna know what's going on, Aster. She looked like she recognized you."
"She did," Aster murmured. Steven paused, taken aback by the quick confession, having honestly figured he'd have to press a little bit harder than that to get any kind of answer.
The hybrid shook his head, trying to focus. "How?"
"We met briefly when Spinel first arrived." Aster's mouth twisted sharply, blinking his eyes open to look up at Steven again. For a moment, the hybrid could only stare, once again taken by surprise. Spinel…? He remembered when Spinel had arrived. He remembered the injector, the fights, the gems. But Aster hadn't been there when all of that had gone down, had he…? Steven frowned, sinking back sharply against the wall and eventually letting himself slide down to a sitting position. Lion lifted his head, blinking his eyes open lazily to watch the hybrid for a moment, before eventually heaving himself up and padding over to him while Aster went on. "You remember most of what happened, yes," his brother confirmed, albeit reluctantly. "But that's not entirely it, I- Steven-" Aster shook his head. "Are you sure you want to know? This-"
"I want to know," Steven cut him off as Lion sank down beside him, putting his head in the hybrid's lap. He lifted his hand to stroke the large animal's mane, frown deepening slightly. Aster expressed his disapproval with little more than a sigh, and offered a faint nod in response.
"You did get injured," his brother finally began. "When Spinel hit you with the rejuvenator. A gem weapon is still a weapon - past experiences have proven that much. It was made to reset a gem, yes, but that doesn't mean a human is immune to a blade." Steven furrowed his eyebrows at that, silent, tense as he listened. "It wasn't… too bad, all things considered. It could have definitely been a lot worse. It's just that when it happened, it rendered you unconscious. And when that happened… I'm not sure why…" Aster grimaced, looking more than a little miffed. "It split the two of us up. Your gem was intact- at least for the most part, there wasn't anything physically wrong with it, but I wasn't able to return to it like I usually could. So I was there, you were unconscious, and Spinel-" His pink twin almost rolled his eyes. "Thought she'd killed you."
"I…" Steven shook his head, genuinely baffled now. "Why don't I remember-?"
"I don't know," Aster admitted. "I don't know, but it was both a blessing and a curse." His brother sighed, leaning his head back slightly. "We used some of the Diamond's essence to heal you when we got back to the house, but while your body was restored, your gem… it's basically life support. Since it couldn't support you the way it usually does, you remained unconscious. And while you were unconscious, I suppose your mind tried to tell the story itself in its own way. You heard most of what went on at the house, and when we did finally fuse, I used my own memories to fill in some of the blanks. I figured…" He trailed off, heaving out another sigh. "I'd figured, Steven, that you'd been through enough trauma in your life. I thought I'd take some of the load off, if I could. I mean, your recollection of the events isn't ideal, but it's better than…"
"Than what really happened…" Steven curled his fingers into Lion's mane lightly, and the pink beast leaned a little further into the touch, a quiet purr rumbling in his chest. Steven couldn't bring himself to feel comforted by the animal's warmth, or the ever-so-rare show of affection.
"I understand if you're upset," Aster murmured. "You have every right to be. I shouldn't have kept this from you, memories or not, and I shouldn't have asked them to do so, either."
Steven didn't respond immediately, genuinely not knowing what to say. So Lapis had met Aster when that had happened, explaining her recognition - which meant that Bismuth had, too, and so had Peridot, and given Greg's reaction, he had probably met him too. As for Connie, Steven still wasn't too sure - he wouldn't be surprised, but then again, her recognition was more than justified, considering he remembered her meeting Aster before anyway. He looked up, not bothering to ask the question aloud, but simply locked his gaze with Aster's. His brother nodded slightly, an unspoken answer; Connie had seen him then, too. Everybody else had seen him. His twin had been out, and free, and… it could have stayed that way if Steven had known.
"So all of that-" Steven shook his head furiously. "All of that… and all of this- I could've known you since then, you could've been out here instead of trapped like that- why didn't you…?"
"I thought you'd be better off." Aster paused. "Honestly, Steven, I wish I'd done things a little different. Maybe if you'd known, I could've been there for you when you needed me." Steven sank back a little at that, lightly carding his fingers through Lion's mane and staring back at his brother in silence. He'd done what he did to protect him, Steven knew that - honestly, if the roles were reversed, Steven couldn't say with certainty that he wouldn't have done the same thing. But it didn't make him any less upset - not because Aster hadn't told him, but because he'd gone all this time not knowing he had a brother, when he could have known all along. Aster could have been there for him - but he wasn't. Because Steven hadn't known he existed, because Steven had shoved him down and locked him away. They were both at fault for that - and the realization should have been comforting, but honestly, it just made his chest ache. He didn't want to focus on whose fault it was anymore. He didn't want to focus on the past anymore. His brother was there now, and that should have been what mattered - and yet he still couldn't stop thinking about how much time they could've had, how he could've been there even sooner. Maybe it balanced out the guilt a little, but it didn't make the situation any better.
"I'm sorry," Aster told him softly.
Steven shook his head again, quietly quoting his brother's own words back at him. It'd be stupid to hold this against his brother now, to be angry enough to let it change anything. "I forgive you." He ran his tongue over his lips and looked up. "I… I don't want you to keep things from me," he managed to say, slowly and carefully. "I don't want… us to… to have that kind of relationship."
Aster was nodding before he even finished speaking, a determined expression replacing the apologetic one as his pupils seemed to widen, his own guilt rapidly diminishing into relief. "Well, I assure you, I'm not keeping anything from you," he told him simply. "That was it. And, if I'm being completely honest, Steven, I'm rather glad to have that off my chest now regardless… I don't want us to have that kind of relationship, either." His brother fell silent for a moment, twisting his mouth sharply in a somewhat thoughtful expression now, and Steven leaned back slightly, almost content once again. Almost, but not quite - it would take him a little while to completely register what he'd been told, to come to terms with the fact that none of what he thought had happened had really happened, but it was, honestly, the least of his problems now.
He ran his fingers through Lion's mane again, looking down at the pink animal as the purrs rumbled a little louder, and he couldn't keep back a small smile. He did feel some relief, some contentment, over the fact that Aster had at least told him the truth. That heaviness in the pit of his stomach had lifted quite a bit, allowing him just enough relief to put that particular subject aside for the moment. He definitely planned on revisiting it later, but for now, he was content to just let it be what it was. The past. The hybrid leaned his head back against the wall, glancing over at the doorway when he heard footsteps approaching, and Connie paused at the door.
"Hey," her voice was quiet, soft, as she glanced between the twins. Her gaze lingered on Aster, then focused on Steven again, the realization flickering across her face almost immediately.
"Hi," Steven greeted. "Did Dad order the pizza yet?"
"Pizzas, actually, yeah." Connie paused, studying him for a moment. Then she made her way over to where he was sitting, settling down beside him and reaching out to run her hand over Lion's head, and the hybrid pulled his own hand back slightly so that she could pet him better. Aster, meanwhile, ended up pushing himself up off of the bed, shrugging his jacket off - Steven couldn't help but stare, honestly, because his brother had looked so natural with it on that it was the first time the hybrid had actually realized he was wearing it to begin with - to tie it around his waist instead. And that was when Steven noticed something else - his brother's shirt. It was pink, of course, every part of his brother was pink - but instead of a star, a white heart rested in the center of his shirt. With the jacket on, it was just another thing Steven hadn't noticed. His brother didn't say anything, just smiled as he headed for the door; the hybrid understood.
He looked down, reaching out to run his fingers over Lion's head again, at the same time Connie reached over to stroke the animal's mane; Steven breathed in quietly as his fingers brushed against hers, briefly letting his hand freeze in place before letting it sink into Lion's fur. He lifted his gaze, glancing over at his best friend, and Connie shifted a little so that she could face him for the most part, leaning her head against the wall and offering him a small smile. "How're you doing?"
"I don't know yet," Steven admitted, searching her gaze. He figured her smile would always make his stomach twist. He figured looking into her eyes like that would always make him feel like he was floating - like he could float, at even the slightest movement, he would just be lifted right up off of the ground and float away to nowhere, and everywhere. "What about you?"
"Could be better," Connie replied thoughtfully. "Could be worse." She glanced down, and Steven paused, flicking his gaze away briefly when he felt her rest her hand overtop of his. For a moment, he could only stare; for a moment, he considered the fact that he wanted to stay like that forever, just sitting there on the floor with Connie beside him and Lion curled up with the two of them, and Connie's hand over his. After a while, just staring, he turned his hand over slightly; she curled her fingers with his the moment he did, and his heart stuttered slightly in his chest.
He almost wanted to pull away then - being so close to her, so intimate like that, it felt dangerous. It was so stupid; simple things like saying 'I love you' and holding hands had never made him feel like this. It wasn't the contact that made him want to shy away - it was everything the contact meant, and what it could mean, and what it didn't mean, that made him hesitate. But how could he pull away from her? How could he even consider that? He wasn't angry with her for turning down his proposal. They were teenagers - it had been a spur-of-the-moment decision, a split-second, thoughtless act that he had always known wouldn't really work out. And yes, even now, he was still devastated; he had expressed his feelings for her, to her, and been rejected. And that wasn't easy. Rejection wasn't easy for him. But even through all the terror and pain engulfing him, he still loved her. He still loved being close to her, being with her. After a moment, he realized, that was why it was so scary. His feelings hadn't changed. Gazing back at her now, holding her hand, sitting so close together and yet so far apart - he realized that maybe they never would. And with that came the ultimate question - did he even want them to?
Lightly, he tightened his grip on her hand, and she squeezed his fingers back in response. For the first time since it had happened, he thought back - really thought back to the proposal. The song he had sung, the picnic he'd set up. He'd tried to avoid thinking about it all because it hurt, because it made him turn pink, because it had been the start of his ultimate unraveling. Since then, everything had just gone downhill, more and more, until… and honestly, it made him wonder how all of this might be making her feel. He wondered if she still thought it was because of her. He remembered the look on her face in the hospital, the horror, the guilt, the pain.
He stared at her, suddenly uncertain, worried. "Connie?"
"Mm?" She smiled at him, but he could see it now - the pain was still there, the guilt hadn't left.
He squeezed her hand again, a little softer this time, and tried to think of how he could possibly reassure her. What he could say, how he could make her realize that she didn't have anything to feel guilty over. That he understood, that he hadn't done anything because of her, that everything he'd done and everything he did had only been his own fault. When he opened his mouth to speak, all rationality clouded by pain and guilt of his own, though, the words wouldn't come out the way he wanted them to. "I…" Instead, he mumbled the words that he couldn't say to her over the phone, the words he still found hard to say to her even face to face - harder, even - but when the first one slipped out, the rest followed far too quickly. "... I love you."
The hybrid was surprised when Connie's smile didn't waver, when the guilt and pain in her eyes melted away slightly to a warmer expression, one that in his somewhat panicked haze, he couldn't identify. But everything crashed to a halt with a sickening jolt when she spoke again, words she'd said to him many times, words that, now, left him breathless. "I love you, too."
It felt wrong. Like maybe she didn't know what she was saying. Like she didn't know what he had meant when he said it. He knew he had to correct her somehow, as much as it hurt.
He shook his head and pulled his hand away, and she let him - but she did sit up a little bit more, at full attention now, staring at him more intensely than she ever had before. A part of him thought maybe she knew what was coming, and, in turn, he braced himself. Because he wasn't sure what to expect from this, he wasn't sure what was going to come when he finished saying what he needed to say. The hybrid shook his head again, sitting up straighter. "No, Connie, I-"
"Steven." Connie's hand clasped over his again, a little more firmly this time, and the teenager froze, the words dying on his tongue with his mouth half open as he stared. "I know."
Steven stared at her, barely comprehending. "You know?"
"I know what you meant," Connie told him. "And I meant it, too."
He gazed at her, failing to process the information. She lowered their hands after a moment, her fingers still intertwined with his own, but he couldn't bring himself to tighten his own grip yet. A million thoughts raced through his head, thoughts that made his heart beat a little bit faster. He replayed what had just happened a thousand times, struggling to understand, but he couldn't. Something wasn't right - something wasn't clicking. Even as he watched her lean forward, as she pushed herself up to sit back on her knees instead; he found himself drawn to her, too, the closer she got to him. Aching to be closer but still not understanding what she had just told him. He'd heard the words clear as day, but what they meant…? Did they mean what he thought they meant? Did she really know what he had meant by them? Or was he looking for something that wasn't really there, trying to make sense of three simple words that could really mean anything? Trying to make them mean something that they might not? Seeing what he wanted to see?
Her other hand came up to press against his cheek, and he leaned into the touch silently, leaning forward until his forehead touched hers. She breathed out softly, a warm sigh that forced him to breathe in a little, his heart once again stuttering and fluttering in his chest as he did. Time seemed to slow at that moment, everything around them fizzling away into nothingness. There was just her, her and him, frozen just for a moment in time, a moment he wished he could make last forever - but one he knew could end sooner than he would ever be ready for.
After a moment, he tilted his head up until his lips brushed against hers, closing his eyes. And when she released his hand to take his face in both of hers instead, pulling him into a kiss, Steven finally registered her words - but it mattered much less right then than making this moment one that would last, something he was more determined to do than he'd ever been.
A/N: Hi everyone, I'm so sorry, I genuinely forgot to put this in the notes at the end of the chapter before I posted it!
But I planned on explaining what Aster was talking about- basically it's another alternate universe my girlfriend and I expanded on. At first, it was loosely somewhat based off of Spudinacup's SUAU Gone Wrong comic (which if you haven't read on Tumblr you totally should) which basically takes place during the events of the Steven Universe Movie, pretty much following what would happen if the rejuvenator did a little more than just reset Steven's gem and powers.
We ended up putting ideas of our own into it, such as keeping Aster as his own entity/being instead of just 'Pink Steven', putting Steven in a comatose-like state rather than the rejuvenator killing him, and changed a few things up to fit the canonverse we've created. I plan on writing something of a 'prequel' for these events, following Aster, and what I picture REALLY happened during the events of the movie for this particular universe, and we just thought it'd be a fun little thing to include that here and make it a part of this AU too.
Anyways, thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed the chapter! 3 3 3