[NEW CHAT STARTED: AURORA DUGAN TO STEVE ROGERS 26/05/3:23PM]
Aurora D: Hey!
Steve R: Hey!
Steve R: It works!
Aurora D: It does.
Aurora D:Technology is a wonderful thing.
Steve R: I'm an old man. I don't know these things…
Aurora D: Bullshit.
Steve R: Language you young whippersnapper.
Aurora D: Oh my god.
Aurora D: I swear I'll terminate this conversation.
Steve R: Alright alright. Sorry…
Steve R: You made it to Boston ok?
Aurora D: Yup.
Aurora D: Just walked through the door.
Aurora D: Home sweet home right?
Steve R: You're happy to be home. I know you're happy to be home.
Steve R: You know you're happy to be home.
Aurora D: Yeah, I know.
Aurora D: I guess it just feels weird.
Steve R: It will for a while.
Steve R: But you'll get through it.
Steve R: You always do.
Aurora D: Again, this is something I'm aware of
Aurora D: I think I'm gonna call that shrink tomorrow.
Aurora D: The one Tony recommended?
Aurora D: Yah. Apparently Tim has seen him as well.
Aurora D: I'm still freaked about seeing a psych
Aurora D: but at least I know this one has been vetted.
Steve R: Exactly.
Steve R: Proud that you're getting on top of it so fast.
Aurora D: Yeah well, if I don't, I'm just gonna Sit around wallowing in self pity.
Aurora D: may as well do something constructive.
Steve R: See? You totally have this.
Aurora D: Never said I didn't.
Steve R: You don't need to say it.
Steve R: I know you.
Steve R: So I also know you can do this.
Aurora D: Thanks for believing in me.
Steve R: Always, sweetheart.
Steve R: Hey I gotta go. Tony wants to have a meeting to discuss the thing upstate.
Steve R: call you later?
Aurora D: Not if I call you first.
Aurora D: xx
Steve R: x
The chair beneath Rory's legs was hard. It was so quiet in the waiting room, quiet enough that she could hear the ticking of the clock behind the reception desk as if it were in her ear, quiet enough to hear the traffic on the street outside, even though she was 17 floors up and overlooking the whole of Boston city. It was so quiet that she could hear her rapidly beating heart as her adrenalin spiked with each passing second.
The silence was driving her crazy.
"You're going to be fine."
Tim's soft voice made her jump a mile and he took her hand, fingers tightening around hers before she could pull away. She looked at him, her eyes wide.
"I know." She said defensively, her brow furrowing. "I'm fine."
"Sure you are. You just shredded the reciept from lunch that was in your pocket but you're totally fine." Her brother winked at her, his lips pulling up into a sidelong smirk.
She looked down at her lap and sure enough, the remains of the reciept littered her lap like snowflakes. Drawing a breath she scooped them into her palm and shoved them back into her pocket.
Of course she was nervous, and scared. This was the first psychiatrist she'd voluntarily seen since Doctor Holstein - Madam Hydra - had royally messed with both her and Steve's minds so she figured she had every right to be distrusting and nervous and just plain terrified.
She was relieved she wasn't alone though. As soon as Tim knew she had an appointment with his old doctor he had volunteered to drive her, even shouting her lunch which was something he never did.
With a loud click the door on the other side of the waiting room opened and a tall, slender man with thinning grey hair stepped out, gently ushering a young woman out beside him.
He spoke in hushed tones and she nodded, her lips curving into a smile.
Rory watched the interaction with interest, taking note at how relaxed the woman was and how genuinely the doctor was looking at his patient.
He waved her as she headed toward the reception desk before he turned to Rory.
"Ah Sergeant Dugan," He addressed Timothy with a deep, booming voice and a wide smile before he looked at Rory. "This must be your sister?"
His blue eyes sparkled and she was strongly reminded of her Pa, the warmth radiating from behind his bushy, greying beard almost made her smile.
"The youngest and the most annoying, yes." Tim grinned, standing to shake the dcotors hand, pinching Rory's elbow to get her to move as he stood.
"The younger has to keep the older on their toes, isn't that right, Miss Dugan?" He extended his hand to Rory.
"Definitely, sir." She agreed, taking his hand. It was warm, warmer than she'd been expecting. He smelled fresh and clean; like detergent, aftershave and starch spray. It was homely and it relaxed her.
"None of that sir nonsense here. I am Doctor Roberts. Please do come inside and make yourself comfortable."
Rory glanced at her brother, who smiled encouragingly.
"I'll be right here." He promised, taking himself back to their seats. She nodded and stepped into the office.
It was a simple office with wood paneling and a rich, royal blue rug to match the curtains. The window had a stunning view of Boston Harbour and for a moment she stared out at her city.
"Would you prefer to sit at the desk or the couch?" Dr. Roberts asked as he shut the door.
"Desk, please." Rory replied. "The couch always seems so…"
"Clinical?" Roberts supplied when she trailed off.
"Hollywood." She added after a short nod.
Rory took in more of the room when she sat, studying the bookshelves crammed with books, the framed degrees on the walls that were surrounded by framed pictures of a beautiful family, and finally the desk that was a haphazard mess.
"Would you like anything to drink?" Roberts asked as he rounded the desk. "I've got soda, water, juice… some aged brandy if you want something stronger?"
"Water is fine." Rory nodded, wondering if she'd regret the decision to not take the stronger drink in a few minutes.
"Excellent, but if you don't mind…" Roberts motioned to the brandy and Rory waved her hand.
"Be my guest."
"Excellent." The Doctor nodded. "My wife, bless her, had me working around the house all weekend." He said as he poured himself a glass of the amber liquid. "I haven't quite recovered." He sighed as he collapsed into the large desk chair oppsite Rory. He pushed an unopened bottle of water toward Rory and she reached for it.
"Thank you." She said, cracking the seal and inspecting the rim before drinking. "So you're married?" She asked, wiping her lip on the back of her hand after deeming the bottle to be safe to drink from.
"Fifty one wonderful years."
"Congratulations. Grandkids as well as kids?"
"Yes, I have two granddaughters. Both talented and intelligent little madams." He smiled fondly, giving a chuckle. "They certainly like to give me a run for my money that's for sure."
"That's sweet." Rory took another drink, meeting Robert's eye.
"Thank you; but enough about me. Let's talk about you."
A knot formed in Rory's stomach and her shoulders stiffened at his words.
"Sure." She nodded slowly, trying to breath through the panic.
"How was your weekend?" He asked and the question threw her slightly. Why was he starting with her weekend?"
"It was… fine." She answered, trying to think if she'd done anything noteworthy. "Pretty normal."
"And what's normal for you? Tell me about your saturday."
Again she paused, a frown furrowing her brow.
"Uh well, I got up at on Saturday morning 5:30. Went for a run… ate breakfast with my grandparents… Helped Pa repair the pool fence. I searched for jobs but at this point I'm just applying for anything simple and easy. I went to my sisters house around lunch time to help her put together some furniture for the new baby, had dinner with her... and then I went for another run before I showered and went to bed."
She suppressed a sigh. Laid out like that, her day was a little boring.
"What time was bedtime?"
"A little after 10?"
"And did you fall asleep straight away?"
"No, probably around 2?"
Doctor Roberts nodded and took a drink from his glass.
"How far did you run?"
Rory's brow furrowed at the question that had nothing to do with her sleeping patterns.
"10 miles."
"Each way?" Rory nodded and Dr Roberts gave a whistle. "Ah I miss the days when my knees didn't hurt and I wasn't old." He smiled, his eyes twinkling. Rory smiled back. "And sunday?" He prompted.
She looked at her hands, heat flooding her cheeks whens he realise she had nothing else to say other than almost the exact same thing.
"Much the same, except instead of going to Maggie's house I went to Grant's. Alison and I went shopping for a new bed for their son, Cooper."
What she left out was that once they got to IKEA, she'd had a panic attack at the thought of leaving the car and Alison had taken her home again. If the doctor noticed she's omitted part of her day he said nothing.
"So you went to bed at 10 but didn't sleep until 2? Does it usually take you that long to fall asleep?" He asked and Rory clenched her fists. She had to tell him the truth eventually, that was the whole reason she was here.
"Usually, yes." She replied through slightly gritted teeth.
"And how do you sleep once you fall asleep?" He asked, his blue eyes kind as they held hers.
"Ok, I guess."
"You guess?" He prompted with a slight raise of his brow.
"I sleep for a few hours here and there but I get nightmares."
"Nightmares?" He prompted again. She expected him to pick up a pen and start scribbling away but he didn't. She had his full attention.
All the time.
"Occasionally. I always have had them though so it's not a big deal." She waved her hand. "They're in my file I'm sure."
"I don't suppose you want to go into detail yourself? I'd rather hear it from your mouth than the word of others." He asked and Rory raised an eyebrow.
"I have a choice?" She asked and Dr Robert's nodded.
"You always have a choice as to what you tell me, Aurora." He smiled kindly. "I'm not here to make you do anything. I'm merely here as a sounding board for troubles you may not want to burden those you care about with."
Rory blinked as her eyes stung. His words really did hit home. She was a long way from trusting him but it was a start.
"So you liked him?"
"Yeah I really did." Rory nodded, cradling the phone between her ear and her shoulder as she put away clean washing. After her session with Dr. Roberts, she'd come home in a mood to clean. To clear away anything that reminded her of the past and to start fresh, starting with her room and clothes.
She'd been almost done when Steve had called.
"That's great! Tell me about him?"
"He's older, probably late 60s. 5'8 and probably 190 pounds. Has really kind eyes and he just has this… peaceful sense about him." She didn't know how else to explain it. "I can see why my brother liked him and why Stark keeps going back."
"He must be ok if Stark keeps going back." Steve chuckled.
"He also doesn't force me to talk about anything I don't want to talk about either. Which is nice." She added.
"Shouldn't you be talking about things you don't want to talk about, though?" Steve asked. Rory pulled a face as she stepped back to inspect her now bare dresser.
"I will, in time. I don't entirely trust him yet."
"Well it's only been one session so I don't blame you." Steve said with a soft sigh. Rory sat on her bed, pushing hair out of her eyes. She wondered idly if she should get it cut again but she was liking the length it had gotten to. It curled lightly around her shoulders like it used to and made her feel a little more like herself.
"I'm really glad he seems great though." Steve continued "This will be good for you."
"I know." She said automatically. Steve wasn't the first person to tell her that seeing the Doctor was good for her. Frankly, she was getting a little sick of it but she let it go. She knew her family only wanted the best for her. It's all they'd ever wanted for her.
"My next session is on friday. He wants to see me twice a week at the start and then we'll drop it back. I guess so he can gather information faster."
"Probably." Steve agreed. "Let me know if there's anything I can do."
"Oh I'm sure you're busy with the compound to worry about me." She waved him away, shaking her head even though he couldn't see her.
"I'm never too busy for you, sweetheart, you know that."
Her stomach tightened at his word, both from butterflies and that knee jerk reaction of denying something she wanted so badly.
"Careful. That almost sounds like something a boyfriend would say." Rory said in a level voice. She heard Steve sigh.
"You know what I mean, Aurora." He said and Rory flopped back on her bed, watching as the late afternoon sun streaked across her ceiling. "I had time for you before I fell in love with you. This is no different."
"Ok." She said softly.
"Ok?" Steve questioned. "What's ok mean?"
"Just ok." She rolled over and gave a half-assed laugh "Hey, maybe Dr Roberts will be able to help me figure out what the hell is going on between us."
"Maybe, eventually, sure." Steve agreed. "But I think we can figure that one out for ourselves."
"Maybe, eventually, sure." Rory echoed Steve's own words. "Hey so how is the compound? What's happening? Tell me about it." She said, desperate to change the subject from them.
She listened as Steve told her about the compound upstate and everything they were hoping to achieve with it. It was nice to hear he had a purpose again. All of the Avengers had a purpose again. They were still divided about registering, Tony was weirdly pro-registration, but Steve was hopeful that they'd get around it somehow.
They talked until her room was dark and the shadows of day turned into shadows of night. She hadn't bothered to turn any lights on so she laid on her bed with her phone beside her trying to wrap her head around what was supposed to happen next. She felt empty but also accomplished; she supposed seeking professional help had been a major item on her Self-Help To-Do List.
"It's not going to happen over night." She murmured to the darkness. "But it's a start."
"What do you think? Is the giraffe too much?" Rory turned away from the mural she'd been painting on the wall to look at her heavily pregnant sister. Maggie's grin widened and she ran her hands over her ever expanding stomach.
"No way." She shook her head, stepping close to the wall to inspect Rory's handiwork. "This is fantastic! I had no idea you were such a good painter."
"Neither did I, to be honest." She admitted, stepping back so she could take in the whole scene. When Doctor Roberts had told her to find something creative and constructive to do with her spare time, painting hadn't even been an option. It had only been when Peggy had found some of Steve's old paints and a canvas while unpacking boxes that Rory had decided to try her hand with the brush.
She found she liked it, surprisingly, and she spent a lot of time creating new things which included the mural on the wall in the new baby's room at Maggie's new home. Steve had suggested stencils when she'd told him about it and that had been a smart idea, considering she was still learning.
The mural depicted a rainforest with all different types of animals. She was pretty proud of her handiwork and pleased that Maggie liked it too. There was nothing realistic about the animals, but cartoon style was better for kids, she reasoned.
"Is this something Steve got you into?" Maggie asked, taking a sip of the sweet iced tea Jay had bought up to them earlier. The condensation dripped onto the bare floor at her feet and she rubbed at it with her toe.
"Indirectly, I guess." Rory shrugged, "Grandma found his paints when she emptied a box a few weeks back. My shrink said I should look at getting a constructive hobby so this is it." She waved a hand in the direction of the wall. She picked up her phone and snapped a picture to send to Steve.
"How's all that going?" Maggie asked, her voice gentle enough that Rory turned to look at her. She hated the expression on her sisters face. It was pity and fragile and made Rory feel dumb, but she swallowed that frustration down before she answered.
"As well as it can go." Rory replied, picking up her own glass of iced tea. She held it to her cheeks to cool off, the summer heat having kicked up at the start of June. She stepped closer to the window to get some air. "I go, I talk, he gives me advice, I try and take the advice; rinse and repeat."
"Yeah, but is it helping?" Maggie asked, her eyes pinning Rory with a worried look.
"It's helping." She nodded, studiously avoiding her sisters gaze. "Stop looking at me like that, Mags." Rory finally sighed when the silence grew too uncomfortable. "I'm not about to fall apart or run away."
"I know that Roar; I just want to make sure you are really ok."
"I am."
"You said that last time and then you disappeared."
Rory winced the guilt clawing up her throat like a demon. She swallowed thickly.
"Different circumstances, Mags. I'm not going to disappear again."
Maggie nodded thoughtfully before crossing to her sister, wrapping her in a hug when she reached her.
"You better not." She said, placing a kiss against Rory's temple. "This boy is gonna need his Aunty."
Rory placed a hand on her sisters stomach.
"So it's a boy for sure?"
"Well, no. I just have a feeling."
Rory gave Maggie a skeptical look.
"A feeling?"
"Yeah, I feel like it's a boy. Feels different to Rosie." Maggie smiled. "I had the same feeling that I was having a girl with her too."
"You can't possibly know that." Rory gave a laugh, shaking her head. Maggie snorted a laugh of her own.
"Well I have a 100% success rate in picking the gender of my babies so I think I'm the expert here."
"That.. is not how that works when you only have one." Rory said, reaching for her phone as a message came through.
[06/12/2014 2:45PM] Steve R: that looks fantastic sweetheart.
[06/12/2014 3:23PM] Steve R: You're going to be better than me soon!
She smiled involuntarily.
"Ah, I know who that is." Maggie elbowed her and tried to peer over Rory's shoulder. Rory clicked the phone off hastily.
"It's just Steve." She said quickly, picking up the paintbrush and pallet of paints again. She stared intently at the wall, willing her sister not to bring up Steve as a topic of discussion.
"Yeah I think it's more than 'just Steve'." Maggie quoted with her fingers. "He's never been 'just Steve' to you."
"No, he hasn't." Rory admitted, studiously focusing on the emerald green leaves she was painting onto the trees.
"How's the long distance relationship thing going?"
"It's not exactly long distance." She made air quotes with her free hand. "The compound is only about 3 hours from here… and it's just friendship. No relationship." Rory said over her shoulder as an after thought. "We're just friends."
"Yeah, I know I know." Maggie said with a laugh. "For now anyway." She added, causing Rory to turn and narrow her eyes at her. Maggie held her hands up in defense. "Sorry, I know, it's hard."
"We're going fine. We talk every day, just like we used to." Rory answered after glaring a moment longer at her sister. The glare turned to a smile when she faced the wall again. "It's nice. I missed him."
"He missed you too." Maggie said softly. "Have you talked to your new shrink about him?"
"A little." Rory humed, her eyes focused on the paint. "I've told him our history, who he is and how we met... Everything that happened."
"And what did he make of it?"
"I'm not entirely sure." Rory shrugged. Doctor Roberts hadn't said anything good or bad about her relationship with Steve. He hadn't exactly said anything about it. He'd asked a few questions, asked her if she loved him and had told her that things would never be the same as before - a fact she already knew. Other than that, though, the doctor's lips were sealed. "I'm sure he'll tell me eventually."
"I'm sure he will." Maggie said. "When's Steve home next?"
"He's aiming to be here for the 4 th July." Rory dabbed some more green onto the tree before stepping back again.
"Ah, his birthday." Maggie said conspiratorially. "Have you got anything planned?"
"Not yet." Rory shook her head, reaching for her tea again. She was pretty sure she was done painting for the afternoon. It was starting to be too hot in the nursery and a killer headache was starting at the baseof her skull. "I don't think anything could outdo what I did last time."
"Absolutely not. I think he'll just be happy to have you here for it." Mags handed her the cloth to wipe her hands. "Maybe we'll all go out somewhere nice, as a family."
Rory's lips turned up at the word.
Family. She liked the sound of that.
JB : 2.
Aurora D: 2?
JB: Yeah. 2.
Aurora D: What, exactly is 2, James?
JB: Days.
Aurora D: Ok…. 2 days until what?
JB: You'll see… ;)
Aurora D: Til I see what?
Aurora D: James?
Aurora D: You can't do that!
Aurora D: What's happening in 2 days?
Nat R: What?
Aurora D: Do you know what's happening in 2 days?
Nat R: What do you mean? What's in two days?
Aurora D: James just texted me with a message that said 2 days and then didn't tell me what it's about.
Nat R: OH! That!
Nat R: You'll see =]
Aurora D: Ughhhh C'mon Nat! Don't do this to me! I'm tired and cranky and feel like ass :'(
Nat R: You'll find out soon I promise.
Nat R: 2 days soon.
Nat R: What's wrong? Why do you feel like ass?
Aurora D: you suck Nat, you're meant to be on my team!
Aurora D: I just don't feel great. Migraine starting I think.
Nat R: Damn. Have you been sleeping?
Aurora D: Sort of.
Nat R: Nightmares?
Aurora D: You know it.
Aurora D: It's ok. I'll live. I just feel like ass and J is teasing me and I'm just cranky. Also I haven't heard from Steve today at all and that's making me sad and you're the only person I'd admit that too so keep your spidermouth shut.
Nat R: Awwwwwh that's disgusting.
Nat R: I'd tell him but he's currently in a very heated argument with Tony over this whole registration thing.
Aurora D: Yikes. That bad huh?
Nat R: Barton, Barnes and I walked out a while ago. Bruce and Thor stayed but Thor looks about ready to throw down the hammer. Literally. Into their skulls.
Nat R: Your boy is as stubborn as Stark.
Aurora D: Don't I know it.
Aurora D: Also not my boy.
Nat R: Not right now but we all know he wouldn't have anyone else.
Aurora D: I'm ignoring that.
Nat R: :) 3
Aurora D: since you have been less than helpful I'm leaving. I'm going to try and sleep this off.
Nat R: Under your bathroom sink there should be some Mersynofen. Take two, drink water, get an icepack over your eyes. It helps.
Aurora D: …. How the fuck do you know that's even in there?
Nat R: :)
Nat R: Love you Sestrenka.
Aurora D: Love you too.
There are 3 more chapters after this… this was meant to be an epilogue and it… kind of got away from me.